Work Text:
The conference room was busy with a quiet hum. Demons in little knots of conversation, chatting along over their morning coffee.
It would be fair to say things were often odd in the Devildom. Ever since Diavolo had started the Devildom Film and Television Corporation things had only become stranger.
The DFTC was the latest initiative to improve the cross-cultural relationship between the Mortal Realm and the Devildom. So far they were making and broadcasting programs especially for the local demon market. Diavolo however was also encouraging everyone to research more Mortal Realm television in the hope that they could soon produce shows suitable for entertaining humans.
Leviathan stretched out in his seat, carefully placing his Limited Edition Ruri-chan Travelling Coffee Mug with Leakproof Lid™️ on the conference room table. His expression was wavering between slightly terrified and extremely satisfied right now and there was a good reason for that.
The main topic of conversation for today's production meeting was finding a suitable subject for the DFTC's new documentary series. Levi had been responsible for the most recent series, a runaway success titled "Normies in Their Natural Habitat".
It had been the topic of every breakroom and water cooler conversation. Barroom brawls involving serious injury had erupted between fans arguing over the finer points of 'Normies'. Levi was currently surfing a wave of unprecedented victory and while it felt good, he knew it couldn't last.
After all, nothing good lasted for people like him.
Right now the conference room screen was playing a clip from 'Normies'. Levi could see himself, wearing a blue chambray shirt and beige chinos, hidden behind a bush and whispering his voiceover to the camera.
"Here we see a group of Normies. Known as bogans, chavs or rednecks across various regions, they are in the process of starting a mating ritual which includes display behaviour from an immature group of the subspecies known as Aggressively Catcalling young males."
The camera panned to a car, its engine revving madly as it passed a group of girls outside a club. "If you listen carefully you may hear the recognised mating cry of "Sit on my face". The response from the females will indicate if they are interested."
A loud feminine sounding voice yelled, "Why? Is your nose bigger than your dick?" This was followed by a lot of rude gestures before the girls all entered the club.
"As you heard, they are entirely non-receptive to these particular male advances." In the background there was the sound of a car horn playing a pathetically jaunty tune.
Lucifer had been quite cross with him when this section had aired. MC however had been in absolute hysterics declaring it was the best thing they'd ever seen on television.
It was a shame really that everyone else was about to come along and ruin his legacy with their undoubtedly silly ideas for documentaries.
Diavolo entered the conference room with Barbatos, who was towing the wheeled whiteboard, close on his heels.
"Now," Diavolo enthusiastically clapped his hands together as Barbatos uncapped the marker and prepared to write notes on the whiteboard. "Ideas! Give me all of them! We've seen the raging success of Normies, now we need to know where to go next."
"Infomercials," came Mammon's rapid fire reply.
Everyone groaned. Every brainstorming session saw Mammon wanting to make infomercials. No shows, no plot, no characters, just people selling stuff. Satan finally braved the obvious question, "What kind of stuff do you want to sell this time?"
Mammon shrugged "Dunno. I'm open to anything. Maybe I'll go through Levi's room later and see what I can find."
As Levi glared darkly at the unrepentant Avatar of Greed, Satan shook his head. "Perhaps it's time for more true crime documentaries?"
Mammon visibly flinched, swallowing nervously. "Write that down," said Diavolo to Barbatos. "Let's look for some really fun crimes."
Beelzebub cleared his throat, and shyly suggested "We should do something around food and cooking. I've been watching a lot of those Mortal Realm shows like you wanted us to. They are pretty good. We could have Barbatos making things." He turned a pair of hopeful eyes on Barbatos and looked optimistic.
Barbatos frowned. "I'm not sure that would work," he said slowly. "I've seen their cooking shows too and it would be entirely inappropriate for me to swear and yell THAT much on television."
Shaking his head Beel replied, "They aren't all Gordon Ramsay. Some of them don't swear much at all."
Diavolo nodded. "Put it on the list for later. We should investigate them all. If we can make a cooking show with minimal swearing it might be worth a try. Any more ideas?"
"I think we should cooperate with the Mortal Realm and do one of those survival shows," suggested Belphegor. "Especially if it's with Beel, because he will eat things that even Bear Grylls won't touch." He grinned at his twin. "Beel would even eat Bear Grylls."
Nodding, Beel agreed. "That's true actually, I definitely would. He looks delicious."
"Make a note on that too, Barbatos," directed Diavolo. "I love this idea. Greater cooperation with the Mortal Realm is exactly what we want to see."
In his immaculate copperplate script, Barbatos carefully wrote on the whiteboard "Eat Bear Grylls" as instructed.
"I think we should do something in that fly-on-the-wall style," said Asmodeus brightly. "Imagine a camera crew following me day and night! They could film me shopping, dressing, living my best life. I can see it all now!"
Lucifer shook his head. "Asmo, you already have your Devilgram and Deviltube accounts. I don't think it's possible to show anymore of your life than you already do."
Asmo's glowing apricot eyes widened dreamily. "They could film me sleeping," he said reverentially. "I've always wanted to see just how beautiful I look when I'm asleep."
Straightening up with a snap, Asmo continued, "Besides, I'm owed more screen time after you unfairly cancelled my last show. I deserve more than just my 15 minutes of fame."
There was now a pinched frown appearing between Lucifer's brows. "You know why we had to cancel your last show. It became too formulaic. If you'd just stuck with the plan for a dating elimination show it would have been fine. It's not our fault you couldn't bring yourself to eliminate anyone and instead let the whole thing devolve into an orgy every week. If the orgies had actually had a plot we might have had material we could work with but they were essentially all the same."
There was a slightly strained atmosphere in the conference room as Asmo narrowed his eyes, glaring at Lucifer. Mephistopheles broke the tension with a small cough, and raised his hand. "We could always have the documentary team covering our next theatre production?" he suggested calmly.
Diavolo's eyes lit up. "Now THAT really is an excellent idea! It'll also be great publicity for your show. Have you chosen the new production yet?"
Shaking his head Mephisto said, "No. So the documentary would really be showing the whole process, selection of material, casting of roles, costuming, rehearsal, music - everything."
"You were excellent in your Magical Mr Mephistopheles role," said Diavolo with an approving smile. "Perhaps you could choose another musical - I do enjoy those. Alright, that's our plan. Our new documentary series will be centred on RAD's am dram team and their latest production."
Mephisto looked extremely pleased with the outcome, basking under Diavolo's praise.
While Barbatos packed up his notes, Diavolo stopped for a quiet word with Lucifer. In the background they could hear the hubbub as most of the group crowded around Mephisto.
"What musical are you going to choose? 7 Demons for 7 Brothers? The Pirates of Purgatory? 666th Street?"
"When do you start casting? I'd be excellent in a lead role."
As Diavolo left the conference room with his secretary, Barbatos leaned over and murmured, "At what point do you think young Mephistopheles will realise this is not perhaps the blessing he hopes?"
Diavolo grinned. "Oh about now I should think," he said, looking back into the room as Barbatos shut the door behind them. They both caught a glimpse of Mephisto's face, his expression frozen in a rictus of mild horror.
"Yes, indeed Sir. I believe you are, as always, quite correct."