Chapter Text
Finney decided he needed to cope with everything somehow so he writes a letter on paper, to Robin since that was all he could do,it's been a month since he gone missing but it felt like a lifetime but Finney still made a routine to write him letter whenever he felt alone had the need to talk to him. It was so different without him,everywhere he went it reminded him of his love interest .
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….
“Shit.”
He quickly crossed it out.
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Hey Robin..
How are you?
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FUCK! Was he ruining it? How could he ask him how he is? OBVIOUSLY HE'S NOT OK.
He let out a frustrated sigh, as he crossed out even more, it didn't work as he expected.
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I miss you.. I wish you could be there with me
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He knew he couldn't write that. But who is going to see it anyway? His sister? No way. She was already dead, he wished she could be there for him, so he could at least put his head on her shoulder one last time with a grateful smile on his face, without worrying about anything.
He wished he could tell her everything and she could do the same, before her life ended tragically during the accident, being smashed.
Maybe if he wasn’t being so depressed and full of thoughts about Robin’s death, she wouldn’t go out and look for him on her bike landing under the wheels by not paying attention to the road because of her determination. She did everything for Finney and only for him, but for nothing.
He decided what to write.
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Dear Robin…
You know, I thought I knew exactly what to say, but my mind is completely blank. I still can't accept everything happening.I wrote you over 30 letters. I wrote to you everyday for almost a month. It wasn't over.It still isn't over,I'm still waiting everyday before school hoping you'll show up at my house, but you never do. The memories we've made, the mornings we shared and the love I've gained is priceless. I'm glad I've found you. I guess I can admit it, at least here that I love you more than words can describe and I hope that won't ever change.
Lately I've been thinking a lot about you. I feel like I want this letter to cross to you, I want you to see everything because I know I wouldn't have the courage to tell you everything face to face. This is the only thing that gives me the slightest closure. I thought that if i wrote first to you it would be easier but it's not. I miss you so much that you can't imagine.I would give anything to just hear your stupid little laugh, or see your smile brighten an entire room, Just hearing you reminds me that ll be ok. I'm losing it without you. I know you can't avoid death but I’d do anything to at least say goodbye, to tell you that I love you. I'll still continue with my rocket plan. Hopefully you'll see it from the sky with Gwen.
Robin I'm so sorry. I don't even remember your last words to me. I do remember your beautiful eyesight, looking at me. But I'll never forgive you, we were just parting ways to our houses and the next thing i know you is that you left me, why? I am reminded of that everyday. If I didn't let you go by yourself home,would you still be here,in my room talking? I hate myself for that. Robin, I'm so sorry my dearest.
I don't know what to do without you.
I don't know what I should do,it's not fair.
I ve been trying to put my head down and try to think that you may still be alive somewhere waiting for me to go together to our place, to talk about silly things while drinking grape fanta,even though i knew you didnt like i let you be because i liked how you liked to pretend you liked it. Those little things always melt my heart.
i feel dumb that im writing this at 3 am.
I know that I should try to move on and accept that they took you away from me but I can't stand the thought that I'll never see you again. I swear I ve been trying my best to be strong but I can't. Not if it's you.
Hopefully I'll see you soon, I love you buddy.
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FINNEY’S POV:
Now I'm thinking, what made me write this letter? Well with my luck,I came across a video tape with us, where Robin said my name so as always I pulled another paper out to let these feelings out once more and to write some more about him, the tears filled my eyes and the sinking to my chest already began. I hope he's doing well. I wish he is doing well up there.
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04:04 am
Dear Robin..
Everyday I hope you and Gwen are taking care of each other since I couldn't do it. It has already been almost 30 days since you decided to leave your house and god I wish I could join you.
Seeing that goofy smile and those beautiful dimples that you only showed to me,those brown eyes always looked at me with complete joy. Remembering the times we would stay outside until 3am,sitting outside of my house on the sidewalk because my father didn't like you. I remember the time you came to see me at night just because I told you that I felt bad, and you knocked on the wrong window and my dad came out and he ran after you a few blocks down. He was thinking I sneaking you in and ever since he kept a close sight on you
I wished I cherished the time I had with you so much more than I did because it's so difficult without you now. You were my best friend, my buddy, my ride and die. Anyone who was against me,was against you. It was us against the world and that was forever your words, and all I wanna do is make you reappear.
You were supposed to move out with me, somewhere far from that city. And now I truly don't wanna see it. I refuse to go since this city is the only memory left from you, leaving this place means that I won't be able to bring those memories up anymore. Seeing the places where we used to go were bringing me so much comfort and also a bitter sweet taste.
I'm still trying to process, you are not seeing your favorite movie or not going to school with me. I remember when you were the only one there for me. When you were the first one to help me in the bathroom and you said nothing bad to me,saying that nothing bad will happen to me when you are there,but now that you are gone what will happen to me? I refuse seeing that movie you recommended me because I know that I'll be attached to that movie as if it's the only thing keeping me alive. Do you realize that I came so far from where I was because of you? You know we could have had ten more years.
What eats me up inside at night is that everyone almost forgot you and all i could think of is why the hell didn't i work harder to save you and get you out of there faster. I swear I talk about you all the time,still. I think Bruce and Vance are getting annoyed but I couldn't care, I wouldn't get annoyed at you, I never did even when you pushed my buttons when you acted like you couldn't hear me talking but I know you hear me ‘talking’ right now..
I was wondering if you ever listened to the conventions I had with the moon and the stars about you because you were a book about interesting chapters that I loved you to read to me. You were full of stories that I could listen to for hours and I swear when it's my time I promise that you are going to be one of my first faces I see when my eyes open back up.
Because of that I believe in twin flames..i know it's silly but I miss you calling me on random numbers and me answering confused on who was calling me this late. I answered and I would hear “Hey buddy..” and I knew right away it was you cuz who else would call me that? Everyone knew that was you, Robin.
Please come back. Even as a shadow, even as a dream. Because I miss you more than I remember you.
Because you know. You know I love you. You know I do, so it’s ok. It’s ok to let you go now..since you are someone that I will never forget..
I miss you. From your one and only buddy, Finn❤️
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