Work Text:
On the morning of the 31st of October, 1981, Lord Voldemort woke up with a nose. He stared at it through the mirror in awe and almost wept at the sight. He caressed the cartilage and tissue lovingly.
Today was the day he would murder Harry Potter and rid the world of his enemies. And! He. Even. Had. A. Nose! He was invincible.
A thought occurred to Lord Voldemort as he spelled his teeth clean (he had eaten a rather lovely roast last night).
What if he just bombed Godric’s Hollow?
It would certainly be less time consuming and more effective, he had read about the unreliability of curses in the Daily Prophet last Autumn. Plus he would even make it home in time for the next episode of The Great British Bake Off.
Later that evening, Lord Voldemort prayed to himself. He thanked himself for his nose that had suddenly grown and the ideas that it had brought. He knew deep down that he was a god and the world would soon realise it.
Cruising through the darkening sky of west England in a trench bomber, Voldemort sighed happily as he sipped his Earl Grey tea.
As the last rays of sunlight were swallowed, Lord Voldemort flew over Godric’s Hollow, and, with his pink sparkly nail, pressed the deploy button.
Little did Lord Voldemort know that while the Potter’s house was destroyed in the small blast and his parents were killed, it was once again Harry’s mother’s love that saved the little boy.
THE END