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‘Entrenching tools… blam… are…. wham… field… blam… improvised… wham… weapons…’ the handle of the entrenching tool shattered with a crack, leaving Sergeant Tamaguchi to punch and kick the Death Korps of Krieg soldier. ‘In any case it’s meant for digging foxholes… not as a weapon you idiot!’ Pulling the dented helmet off the soldier, Tamaguchi then yanked off his protective mask. The soldier grabbed at his throat, and dropped to the ground, writhing and gasping.
‘Holy Mother of the Emperor. You’re not asphyxiating you Krieger half-wit!’ he yelled. ‘There’s lots of mighty fine air to breath!’
Without warning three more Kriegers charged the sergeant, all wielding e-tools, except for one carrying a full-sized shovel. They suddenly dropped their improvised weapons and threw up their hands in surrender. Leaving Tamaguchi to stare at the sheered off wooden handle in his hand. The whine of gravitic motors, told him to turn around, and he saw a floating Tau gun drone.
‘What happened to you? Get separated from your unit?’he said pulling off his helmet.
The gun drone made a series of chirps, beeps, and whistling sounds.
‘Me too, gravchute malfunction. Glad to meet you MV1-1158… What? I still have my pulse pistol but, um, it’s just that I had this pointy stick…’
۞۞۞
MV1-1158 soon rounded up six more Kriegers for a total of ten POWs, and Master Sergeant Rokken Tamaguchi handed out two ready-to-eat-meals. ‘Share those boys, it’s all I got.’
Their faces lit up when they tried the Tau rations.
‘Damn sight better than corpse starch, ain’t it? So, what’s your names?’ But all he could get out of them were serial numbers like #456897 or #117880. ‘Oh, hell no, don’t tell me you don’t have names?’ At last, he got them to confess their made up names for themselves: Walter, Udo, Maximilian, Dieter, etcetera.
‘See this would never happen in the T’au Empire, because we got… freedom!’ said Tamaguchi, but he was just getting warmed up. ‘You know I could go on about the glories of the Greater Good; and how it fulfils the promise of the Emperor: liberty, equality, fraternity. Or I could rattle on about how we have freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, freedom from want, and the freedom from fear. Hell, I could talk for hours about the right of self-determination and representative democracy. And how both of them together are the cure to hereditary aristocracy and autocratic rule. I could even speak about how under the Greater Good, we have achieved a classless society that has no “betters” or “inferiors”, a society where everyone is equal!’ shouted Tamaguchi lifting the shovel above his head like the torch of liberty.
Ten pairs of eyes stared out of ten ghost white faces, but there wasn’t a murmur or even a cough.
Undaunted, he said, ‘Alright, let me make it simple for you. I’ll give it to you in just five words: “I am, because we are.”’
Ten pairs of eyes stared blankly at him.
‘Questions? You can ask me anything? Fire away!’
There was a small cough, and a grenadier offered him the empty ration packets. He thanked them, and took the wrappers. Tamaguchi turned around and said, ‘That was my best pitch 1158. Got any ideas?’
The gun drone answered with a series of high pitched beeps and whistles.
‘Nothing uh? Yeah, me neither.’ Turning back around, he said, ‘Well, boys. Is there anything you’d really like to have, but you can’t get it in the Imperium? Something you really, really want, but the Astra Militarum just won’t let you have it?’
There was a bit of shuffling around, and someone sneezed.
‘1158, I think we’re getting somewhere!’ said Tamaguchi, glancing over his shoulder. Catching the eye of the first grenadier, he asked, ‘How about you Walter?’
Walter looked at the ground, and said softly, ‘Mädels und Bier.’
‘What was that?’ he asked, putting a hand to his ear.
‘Mädels und Bier,’ he said louder.
‘Girls and beer?’Tamaguchi rubbed his nose. ‘You want girls and beer? Hell yes, we got girls and beer!’
There was a lot of whispering, as the words ‘Mädels und Bier’ were repeated over and over again.
‘How about you Unteroffizier Hermann, would you like some girls and beer?’
The grey-haired sergeant shook his head, and then said, ‘Nein, Männer und Bier.’
‘Guys and beer?’ Tamaguchi’s eyes darted back and forth for a bit, and then he shouted, ‘Hell, we got them too sergeant, we’ll fix you right up – guys and beer! Anyone else got a request? Yes, Private Udo?’
‘Kann ich einen Welpen haben?’ said Udo.
‘Can you have a puppy? Udo I can’t see why you couldn’t have a puppy? My kids had a dog and a cat.’
‘Wie wäre es mit einer Katze?’
‘Yes, you can have a cat, Maximilian.’
‘Ist es erlaubt, ein Kaninchen zu halten?’
‘Rabbits are absolutely allowed, Dieter. If you want a rabbit, you can have a rabbit. Alright boys, I see you’re all getting enthusiastic here, so who’s all for joining the Greater Good?’
There was more loud whispering among the Kriegers, and finally Sergeant Hermann said, ‘Ja, we join the Greater Good Sergeant Tamaguchi.’
۞۞۞
Over the hill came hundreds of prisoners marching along led by Master Sergeant Tamaguchi swinging his shovel, and accompanied by gun drone MV1-1158. Watching the parade of POWs, Captain Rembault signalled to Tamaguchi, who halted them right in front of her command post.
‘Are we showing off again Sergeant Tamaguchi? How many did you bring in this time?’ she asked.
He dropped the shovel, and leaning on it said, ‘Don’t rightly know Captain. Started out with ten, but then just kept picking up more and more along the way. I stopped counting after three hundred.’
‘And how did you manage that?’ she asked, crossing her arms.
‘You won’t believe it Captain if I told you, but all I did was yell, “Girls and beer,” and they came running.’
‘That’s all?’
‘Oh, and a “we got puppies”.’