Chapter Text
Bookstore.
Miyano Shiho who was flipping through a new book, felt a glimmer of gaze of her nearby. She looked up, and that was a handsome young man. The other party smiled at her, and began to speak kindly: "I chose it myself...it's actually quite good."
The blue-eyed East Asian woman smiled back, "Thanks, I'll try to read it."
The other party wanted to say something, but Shiho had already lifted her legs and walked towards the cashier. He glanced reluctantly at the tall and slender girl's back, and the other guests beside him who were watching smiled and blinked in consolation.
Walking out of the bookstore, Shiho took a deep breath. It's fall in London. The cool air was clear and cold, with a hint of sweetness, which made her feel a little relaxed and happy.
It had been three months since she had moved to London. There were many cases being approached her like just now, but she would block them back in three sentences. She stood at the intersection waiting for a red light. She wore an off-white turtleneck sweater dress, khaki trench coat, and mid-heel boots. Wearing light make-up, she was tall and thin, and when the wind blew, she tucked her broken hair behind her ear. A mixed-race East Asian woman with outstanding appearance would attract people to look at her with interest just by standing there.
Within two months of joining the research center, she had received invitations from three male colleagues. Shiho refused one by one, and the reason was of course...
What is the reason?
She shook her head. The green light flashed, and she walked briskly across the street.
Those green eyes as sharp as an eagle flashed in her mind, then dimmed for a moment.
No—she muttered to herself. Not because of him.
Back at the home, Shiho greeted the old woman next door in the corridor and exchanged a few words. Nothing more than how cold the weather is and is it possible to rain on the weekends.
As soon as she entered the house, she realized that her bare calves had been chilled by the wind. She took off her coat and shoes and put the keys in the low cupboard near the entrance. Goes to the kitchen to make a cup of hot black tea, and usually sits at the chair to check email.
Clicking the flashing new email alert, an all too familiar letter made her heart skip a beat.
From Akai Shuichi.
After hesitating for a moment, Shiho clicked on the email.
"I'm coming to London next Wednesday, can I see you?"
Akai Shuichi
An email that's too short makes her seem a little lost. When she came back to her senses, she found that the hot teacup was tightly held in her hand, and her palm was hot and red.
She ran into the kitchen and turned on the tap. The turbulent water flowed through the red palm, and the pain exploded.
It seems that once she burned her hands while cooking. Akai's reaction was too exaggerated to make people laugh. He took her hand to help her flush with water and apply the ointment, and she looked very worried that his attitude isn't what he used to be in the calm and cold past. The girl couldn't help but tease him. Akai looked back into her eyes calmly, "Is it weird that I care about you?"
Shiho subconsciously withdrew her hand from the stream of water, just as she pulled her hand from Akai's warm palm that was clenched in memory. She turned off the tap, thinking that she was lost.
At that time, it wasn't that she didn't know what Okiya Subaru's intentions were.
After initially discovering all of this, Shiho was also surprised for a long time. Shinichi even wondered why Akai did this out of guilt?. She was taken aback by her shock, and even if she complained loudly, she was too embarrassed to say that the other party was emotionally sluggish?.
But it felt really weird.
Shiho was almost used to Subaru Okiya's presence. She was used to him coming here every day to deliver curries, cherries and cream stews. Accustomed to his explicit concern for herself, and the occasional meaningful joke. It wasn't that she wasn't aware of the connection between Okiya Subaru and the person in her mind, but she seemed that Subaru Okiya could continue to exist as long as she didn't say anything.
He belongs to hers... Okiya Subaru.
When Akai took off Okiya Subaru's disguise, Shiho even suspected for a moment that she had traces of hatred towards Akai. She blamed him for making Subaru Okiya disappear overnight.
With some subtle and complicated feelings, Shiho tried to remain calm about Akai's actions during the days he continued to live in Beika. He was still by her side, and he still treated her the same way as before, except he no longer had the Subaru Okiya mask on, and it was all too obvious, that it was hard for her to deal with him.
At that moment, Akai's straight ball was clearly visible, as was her avoidance. Perhaps out of helplessness, Akai finally spoke up, forcing her to face his feelings head-on.
The night before returning to New York, Akai invited Shiho.
He asked her to go to America with him. Live with him. Let him take care of her.
"Because I love you."
"Because everything I do is for this reason."
However, just a few months later, the two were separated 5,000 kilometers apart.
Miyano Shiho refused his invitation and everything he offered.
She even refused to explain too much. After Akai left, Kudo Shinichi claimed that he was fully responsible for the relationship between the two, and repeatedly came to the door to asked Shiho to wake up, but the latter asked Dr. Agasa to block him.
She secretly turned down the olive branch given by countless leading research institutes in the United States, and applied to British research institutes instead. Less than a month after Akai left, Shiho also expressed her intention to leave Japan.
Before leaving, she allowed Kudo, Mouri and the others to come and take her away. Kudo felt uncomfortable in the end. He said: "Don't you find this funny?. Isn't that enough to tell you that you have to physically distance yourself to get over him?"
Shiho ignored him, turned around and invited Ran and the others to come see her in England, and told Dr. Agasa to eat well, not to eat too much meat, not to eat sweets indiscriminately. The last few words that Kudo said to her were: "Hey, Haibara, do you know what Akai-san said to me before coming to Yeshan?... He said that he had someone he wanted to meet at any cost. He came to her but she didn't recognize him, someone he had to protect… but he wanted to stay by her side, wanted to take care of her…”
Shiho picked up her suitcase and turned towards the departure gate of Narita Airport.
One second slower, and everyone would see her tears falling like the rain.
A yes or no answer took Miyano Shiho two whole days.
When she saw him again at Heathrow Airport, she was devastated. He walked towards her, standing even among the blonde haired Caucasians.
He wore a dark gray long coat, a casual turtleneck sweater, and jeans. Without a knitted hat, his curly hair fell loose. He looked thinner and tired, but he looked at her from a distance, his dark green eyes blinking.
"Was your flight nice?"
She gestured for the other party to hand over the small suitcase to her. Akai said no, and was roughly grabbed by the girl.
Akai smiled helplessly.
"That's fine. I read a book for a while, the breakfast was bad, and I got a little sleep."
"So what kind of wind brought you here."
"LSE, College of Criminal Psychology."
Shiho nodded thoughtfully.
The two of them walk side by side. Looking up, she could only see Akai's shoulder, and she accidentally lifted her head to look at him. Akai's eyes fell, staring at the girl's drooping eyelashes. In the blink of an eye, a light blue shimmer was occasionally revealed on the fan-like eyelashes.
After a few months, when he saw the face he thought every day and night, he felt his heart like a calm pool of water, but the bitterness spread like ripples. Spread circle after circle.
He wanted to hold her hand, hug her and tell her how much he missed her. The thought was almost unbearable. Unfortunately he didn't, or couldn't do it. They kept a half meter distance and walked side by side like ordinary friends, passing the many travelers in a hurry.
Shiho made complete etiquette, and brought Akai all the way to the hotel. The woman at the front desk who helped check in was very friendly. She handed the room card with both hands, and smiled enviously at a wonderful pair: "Everything is done now. Please enjoy your stay."
Akai winked at Shiho following her words, "Thank you. We will enjoy it."
The brown haired girl rolled her eyes at him.
After entering the room and putting down his luggage, Akai helped her pour the water.
"You wake up early to pick me up, that's hard work."
"Yeah."
"Do you have a schedule for later?. if there is no schedule, how about accompanying me to lunch." Akai straightened his coat and smiled slightly, "Airplane food was a bit bad, I'm really hungry right now."
Shiho looked at him watch and looked a little doubtful.
Of course she had no schedule. The research institute's project progress was steady and regular, and she had requested leave this morning. She considered whether she should go.
Then she found herself answering yes like she answered his email, and somehow she showed up with Akai at Bill for a caramel apple muffin. Akai ordered Eggs Benedict.
The restaurant is a bit cramped. Akai's long legs have nowhere to go. It met hers several times and he apologized in a hurry.
"It's okay, just leave it like this."
Back then he was Okiya Subaru and she was Haibara Ai. They also hang out every day and night, and they are almost inseparable. The appearance of a young man and woman was restored, and the two of them didn't seem to know how to deal with themselves.
He asked about the work of the research institute, and she answered them one by one. She asked again about his lecture, why are you a frontline agent still involved in education?.
Akai replied, "I shouldn't have come."
Shiho couldn't help but lift her eyes from the plate in front of her before he finished speaking.
"But I insisted. So, they had to let me come."
After saying this, Akai looked at her sincerely. The woman wanted to say something funny, but it got stuck in her throat. She cut a piece of apple that was baked until it was soft and put it in her mouth, without saying a word.
Akai smiled and looked for another topic: "London... Actually, it suits you quite well. I don't go to London very often. I lived in Birmingham when I was young. Then, I went abroad."
Shiho nodded: "Good. Four different seasons, polite, and indifferent. They suit me."
"That's fine in winter, it won't be too cold. I remember you told me before when you were studying in Chicago..."
When it came to "Before", there was a momentary pause for the two of them.
"Before" was when they were in the organization.
That's what Sherry said to Rye on the rooftop.
She was a 16-year-old girl who told a man with long hair about the lonely experience of studying abroad at young age, holding on to a thin white lab coat and shaking slightly. At that moment, as an undercover agent, he took off his coat and covered her, suppressing her almost uncontrollable heartbeat.
And that was four years ago. In just four short years, they seemed to be on the verge of separation and death several times, separated many times, and finally appeared in front of each other with their true appearances.
Sitting in the normal restaurant, the sun shone from the floor-to-ceiling panels and shone on half of the girl's shoulders.
The awkward silence continued until the end of lunch.
Shiho wanted to return to the research institute, and Akai offered to take her there. Unable to beat him, she had to agree. The two chatted one after another in the autumn wind, and accidentally arrived at the door of the research institute.
"Then I'm in."
"Um."
"You also go back and rest. Good luck with the lectures."
"Well, I'll see you go."
"..."
Akai lowered his eyes to look at her, and his expression was too gentle.
Shiho suddenly felt a nameless fire in her heart. She didn't know who this hatred was aimed at. Was it because of his early tenderness, because of her own weakness and cruelty, or because of their fate?.
Biting her lip, she didn't say anything, waved her hand at Akai and turned around. She imagined the scene where he was watching her, in the eyes of others, they must be like ordinary lovers. The wise man came to take the woman to work. Even reluctant to take a step earlier, it was his tenderness and sweetness that had to watch her figure disappear into the corner before he could confidently leave.
She lowered her head and walked faster and faster, bumping into someone. Hearing "ouch", Shiho got up and hurriedly apologized.
In the distance, Akai Shuichi slowly left.
Two days later, Shiho received news from Akai again. He texted her in just a few short sentences. Tell her, his class was over and leaving on a Saturday morning flight.
She drank the tea in her hand one by one, until the tea was completely cold and didn't answer.
Right after finishing the work at hand, Shiho turned off the light and locked the door and left the laboratory. She despairs over Akai's text messages, walked in the dark and blows a cold wind. When she regained consciousness, she found that she had come to the lobby of the hotel where he was staying.
The girl raised her head and saw a warm yellow light shining through the panels of countless tall buildings.
Suddenly, the image of her sitting under the lamp and reading appeared in his mind. Hearing a knock on the door, he got up from the sofa. Opening the door, he was shocked and moved when he found that she had appeared in front of him. And she couldn't help but throw herself into his arms, hugged him tightly, and started talking to him about her problems and attachments.
The soles of the shoes rub against the small stones on the road, making a dry sound.
She stood still and didn't move.
After standing for a while, she turned around and was about to leave, when a familiar voice came from behind.
"... Shiho?"
Shiho was taken aback.
She stepped forward to explain. When her friend heard that she was back in London, he insisted on taking her to a pub for a drink.
She opened her mouth and wanted to ask, "Why are you here", but she didn't ask. She suddenly said that she was leaving. Akai didn't leave her either, just chased after her and said, I'll take you. His tone is unquestionable.
She lived in a small white building overlooking the street. When sent down, she felt a bit inhuman not to invite people to enter. So, Akai was invited to Shiho's apartment. A neat and clean bedroom, with wood-colored furniture and white walls and white floors, was warmer than he expected.
Akai looked around the room and sat on the sofa. Asked her if she's eating well after living alone.
"I don't have time to cook, and I basically handle it in the university cafeteria."
"Besides, I'm used to it." She chuckled, “However, the cold ham and lettuce sandwich really wasn't as good as the beef and potato stew. Although it was always bad, at least it was boiled carefully for two hours."
Akai also laughed.
The girl's eyes turned red suddenly.
She said to make tea for him. The broken black tea leaves are put in the teapot strainer, and the beautiful milky white kettle is filled with water. Her tears fell, and she quickly wiped it away. After sniffing, she turned around to open the cupboard for a bowl of sugar. While asking him in a loud voice, "How much sugar do you want?"
And the man couldn't bear to take a closer look. He stood up from the sofa, pressing her hand that was about to open the cupboard, gently hugging her trembling body. He hugged her tightly.
"Is it so hard for you to see me?"
"Yes." She turned her back towards him, choking in her voice, "Who told you to come here if you had nothing to do."
"Sorry." He lowered his head and touched her neck with the tip of his nose, "I know I shouldn't have come, but I really wanted to come. I really wanted to meet you. I'm sorry."
An inaudible sigh.
"Why……"
Akai sighed helplessly, realizing that she had said those words in her head. She pulled his shoulder and slowly asked a question in her heart, "You haven't told me the reason yet."
"..."
As if determined, Shiho raised her eyes to meet his gaze.
"I also wanted to ask why..."
She felt her vision blur uncontrollably, she suddenly became restless, and her cold voice contained an inaudible vibration.
“I also wanted to ask you, why… why aren't you Okiya Subaru, why do you have to be the person she liked… why don't you just become Okiya Subaru?”
Akai looked back into her teary eyes and quietly compared a mouth.
Sorry.
He remembered the night of his failed mission, when his superiors demanded that he leave Japan immediately, insisting that her position in the organization was so important that there would be no danger. So he left. To think that in this life, simply forgetting the end of the world with that brown-haired girl was the greatest protection for her.
Two years later, he heard that her sister had been killed, and her whereabouts were unknown. So, he set foot in Japan again, searching for her in the vast sea of humans alone. Although he didn't know that there was a drug that defied the flow of time in this world, he still discovered her just by looking at her brown hair. On a busy street, they met again. Walked with a boy with glasses, brown hair and cold blue eyes. She was shrunk.
He began to carefully protect her, secretly keeping her close. At many times he had the urge to explain everything to her.
but he held out her hand to reveal the truth. He tightened his scarf and squinted behind his glasses. He smiled lightly at her, he was not a child, he was very afraid of the cold.
Now is not the time to recognize each other.
He waited until the right time, but not the expected ending.
He found himself standing here again. Under the lights, her shadow was still thin and lonely. He made her cry again.
The water is boiling.
The kettle chirping was shrill and out of place in soft sobs.
On a Sunday morning in March, Shiho received a call from Kudo. A certain detective excitedly told herself to come to London to investigate the case, and was already sitting on the plane by now. So, she turned and got up, showered and changed clothes, rushed to the airport. Sitting in a taxi, the sun was shining so hard that one could not open one's eyes. She remembered one day and a half a year ago, on such a sunny morning, she went to the airport to pick up someone. Suddenly there is a slight illusion of déjà vu.
Kudo had a 12 hour flight, still raving about the case. Shiho responded nonchalantly from the side. Kudo invited her to the scene with him, but the girl simply refused. They make an appointment to meet at a bar after work.
So at nine o'clock in the evening, Kudo passed through the layers of neon lights at Piccadilly Circus and found her, who was sitting alone in the speakeasy. Not long after sitting down, a strange man brought two glasses of wine one after another, causing Kudo to sigh and tease.
The famous detective talked non-stop about the case for a long time, how the secret room was so cleverly arranged, and how he came across clues that couldn't be found easily. After discussing the case, Shiho asked about Dr. Agasa was currently and the three children of the detective boys, and it is late at night in an instant.
"Haibara...". Kudo hesitated for a moment, then suddenly turned serious, "Akai-san said he came to see you once before."
"Um."
"Then?"
"Then, what?"
"I told you..."
Shiho snorted coldly, "Mind your own business, and leave me alone"
"You think I care. I'm not worried about you. Professor is really worried about you. He keeps saying that you didn't even call him."
"I see.., I'll call Professor."
Speaking of the kind old man, the girl's expression softened.
Seeing this, Kudo said carefully, "You and Akai-san... really, can you two have a good talk?"
Hearing these words, Shiho turned her face and stared at him intently. In the dim light of the bar, the blue eyes are clear and cold, and it is stunning.
She raised the corners of her mouth in a self-deprecating manner: "Kudo-kun, don't you know better than anyone else, the reason why I can't do this..."
"You mean your sister."
The girl turned her head away, but Kudo Shinichi suddenly became serious.
"But Haibara, this isn't good."
"..."
"...Maybe that's because I'm not in the same position as you. I don't have any siblings, so I can't put myself in your shoes and feel your feelings for your sister, but I guess," He paused, "Even if she were here today. She also didn't want to stand between both of you. In this world, no one wanted to stand between two people who love each other, let alone her beloved younger sister. She would never do that."
Shiho sneered, "What, loving each other..."
"I don't know what happened to the two of you in the organization. What I knew was that Akai-san risked his life to participated in his fake death not only to gain Mizunashi Rena's trust, but also to see you… I think you saw clearly what that means to him. Unlike us, who were forced to give up our real identities, Akai-san voluntarily disguised himself as Okiya Subaru, giving up everything to come to you, even the FBI knew nothing about it. For two years, every day, he stayed by your side pretending to be someone else."
The brown-haired girl lowered her head and said nothing."I also knew that you were not as indifferent as you seem. I knew you were looking forward to meeting him and you even called him Subaru-san without realizing it. I knew you were used to his attention to you, you depend on him. You value him. He cared for Ayumi and the others. I've seen the way you look at him, you obviously...."
"Do you know..." She suddenly cut him off, "When he was in the organization, he told me that he would sacrifice his life to protect me."
Kudo looked surprised, either because of Shiho's sudden directness, or because he was shocked by the contents of this sentence.
"He was still my sister's 'lover' at the time. I wanted to ask why he said that to me, not to my sister, but I didn't have time. Because the next day, he disappeared."
The young detective pondered for a moment.
"Akai-san's mission failed. He thought he could successfully use Gin to dismantle the organization. He showed your sister and told her, he was undercover, and he promised to protect you with his life."
A sinister smile appeared on her face.
"Haibara, you're not wrong..."
"It's not like that," She interrupted, "It's not like that . . . it's not fair to her. I'm still alive, but she ..."
Kudo sighed and lowered his eyes: "It's not your fault, Haibara. Maybe you still feel guilty as a survivor, maybe you don't believe that you have the right to live happily, but you want to do it."
"……Don't say that."
Miyano Shiho jumped from the high chair, took two glasses of wine from the bar, and poured them into the boy's confused eyes.
The two were not speculative, and were silent for a while. In the end, it developed into Shiho drinking alone and drinking almost unconsciously. While Kudo was helplessly fumbling through the girl's cell phone to find the address, a handsome young Asian man pushed his way through the crowd and walked towards their corner.
Kudo looked at him suspiciously, and the other party said with a smile: "Are you Kudo-san? Hello, my name is Morikawa." Kudo is confused.
"Hello?"
The young man patiently continued to explain: "I'm Shiho's boyfriend. She told me that she drinks here with you tonight, and considering her bad habit, I came to pick her up on my own initiative."
Kudo Shinichi: "...Ha..."
Boyfriend.
Even though Morikawa said that he was enough to send Shiho back, Kudo Shinichi still insisted subtly and wanted to see her come home with his own eyes. The implications of this insistence were self-evident, but Morikawa was clearly very kind-hearted, didn't feel offended at all, and chatted with Kudo with enthusiasm.
He said he was Shiho's colleague, and both of them worked at the university's research institute. He said that Shiho had talked to him a lot about Kudo Shinichi and knew that Kudo was her important friend. He also knew Dr. Agasa, knew that she has lived in Tokyo for many years.
Kudo hesitated, but finally nodded. Arriving at Shiho's house, Morikawa made the bed and put her to sleep, then poured hot water to make coffee, and was busy for a while.
Kudo Shinichi said goodbye there.
For several days after that, he was unable to contact Shiho. Phone calls went unanswered, and emails sent to her were silent. It was probably because he exposed a vulnerability she least wanted to reveal in front of him without warning, so she didn't want to see him.
So when he managed to block Shiho at the entrance of the laboratory, Kudo Shinichi proudly shook the visitor card hanging from his neck at the surprised girl.
The brown-haired girl in a white coat held her forehead without saying a word.
"In the center of the research institute, how did you get in here like a bastard?"
Kudo smiled calmly: "Morikawa-kun did it for me, it's justifiable."
"..."
He surpassed Shiho in a rare way, and he was very proud of himself. So she couldn't help but drag him to the cafe at the university. Shiho ordered a latte and blueberry cheesecake. Kudo asked for soda. During the conversation, the former also honestly answered questions about her and Morikawa one by one.
"He's very good at taking care of people." The boy revealed his observations.
"Yeah."
Shiho dug up a spoonful of cheesecake and responded lightly.
"Ah, ha, ha, how dare you!"
They spoke harmless jokes, but they coincided with each other and secretly understood.
No one mentioned the name which really worried her.
He was also contemplating whether to report her current situation to Akai, but he was afraid to imagine his reaction. So, he put it off.
He remembered that night. Such a calm and arrogant person would also be at a loss for words for her tearful self, showing an expression of a broken heart that was overwhelmed.
Maybe by chance she received a text message from Morikawa the next day. So, they started dating, and soon after received a request to date Morikawa. Not salty or bland at first, but since she and that person had reasons why they couldn't be together, it must have been the greatest tenderness for others to move forward, He thought.