Chapter Text
Isabella told me to never go outside. I used to ask her why.
All she'd tell me was that "that place is dangerous for you. You have to live here, in the shadows. That way, you will be safe."
"But Isabella-"
"Y/n. You do not want to be in danger. You have to listen to me."
From then on, I stopped asking her. I stopped fighting back. It was sickening. Tiring. I always got the same reply.
As I grew up in this orphanage as a child without any proper reason being given to me, I felt rebellious. I felt I had the right to know. But like a pleading being, I was immediately shut up with a look. A look that threatened me and would cost me my head.
As I grew up with Isabella- 'Mama', to the strange orphans outside- I had grown used to an unspoken set of rules. Rules that I would never dare break lest I anger her. It's not that I'm scared of her; in fact, I am annoyed.
RULE #1: Never, never, reveal yourself. Act like a ghost. Be like a ghost.
RULE #2: Always listen to Isabella.
RULE #3: Never speak to any of the children. Never show signs of your presence.
RULE #4: Never go inside Isabella's secret room.
RULE #5: Never ask questions about the orphanage.
RULE #6: Always believe and nod at Isabella when she says "the outside world is dangerous".
RULE #7: Never fall for Isabella's manipulation.
Rule number 7 was the hardest for me to do. But the more of a challenge it was, the more fun it got. I kept that rule strictly to myself. I never showed a hint of it to that tricky witch. I promised myself that one day- one day- I would be able to control my life freely. I would never fall for the wolf in sheep's clothing-that is- Isabella.
###
The golden sun shines like a heavenly beacon in the sky. No sounds were made except for the chit-chattering of the birds flying across the horizon and some rustling leaves on the neatly trimmed yard. I opened the window of the tower I stayed in; a tower no one really went to at this time of the day. I knelt on top of a wooden table for support, as my height couldn't make me observe the children down there.
The faint slamming of the door was followed by the sound of a bell ringing. Isabella must be down there, then. I sighed, knowing that I had my breakfast already in that stuffy bedroom of mine. I would give anything right now to eat it again. Isabella would always give me yummy food. I admit that's the only good thing I like about her.
A few minutes have passed. Children have exited the orphanage's main establishment and have proceeded to the grassy field to play what seemed like tag. It was fun to watch them split into unorganized groups, the faint laughter of children soothing my irked heart. Each child treated the game like a real competition- the hidden lived, and the found died.
Of course, at the end of each game, laughter would be the only one closing the whole affair. It would put that competition mindset behind. It wasn't real after all, right? It was all just a game.
A knock on the door startled me. Isabella's motherly smile greeted me as I turned behind my back. I returned her gesture with a glare. She approached me and sat on one of the dusty chairs of the tower.
"What are you doing here?" I smugly asked, clearly not pleased with her presence.
"This is a good spot to look at all 38 children," Isabella said, taking out her stopwatch and grinning at whatever she saw there. I wondered what was entertaining about the time. I shrugged my shoulders and turned to the scattered children down below.
"If this is really a good spot, then why aren't you looking from there?" I asked again, leaning my chin on my palm, my elbow propped on the window ledge.
Isabella laughed lightly as if mocking me. I raise a brow. "I do not need to look down there, Y/n. I have what they call a mother's intuition."
"I have stayed here for eight months already. When will the day come when I can at least bask myself in the sun?" I asked, half-joke, half-pleadingly. Suddenly, a line in me snapped. I shouldn't have asked.
I angered Isabella once. I didn't want to do it again.
Isabella shut her stopwatch and put it in her pocket, making me shudder. "Time for tests, Y/n." As she stood up and walked to the door, I froze, half-expecting her to push me off the window. It was large enough to fit a three-year-old child through. But she looked expectantly from the door, waiting for me.
My heartbeat settled. I groaned as I follow her to the testing rooms, keeping my facade of as an innocent child, just like anyone here in Grace Field. I was greeted with empty chairs laid out in front of me, test devices all turned off. All, except one. I assumed that's for me and sat on that chair- which happened to be my usual spot when I took the tests.
"You know the drill, Y/n. After all, you are a fast learner." You are different.
Even though Isabella didn't say the last part, I sensed she did and proceeded to my test. Expectedly, I answered everything with ease. I wondered why they even bother to make me take these tests. I have a good memory, so memory retention shouldn't be a reason. Obviously, I can understand concepts well, so it shouldn't be a problem understanding.
I shooed all those wandering thoughts away as they will only spark my annoying curiosity. The time ended and Isabella announced my score to me.
"Perfect score, as usual, Y/n. I don't think I even need to say it anymore." Isabella said, smiling at my recorded results on a paper. I guess I was done. I had to leave before anyone else could see me. I stood from my seat and skipped to the door. Isabella suddenly stopped me by putting a hand on my shoulder.
"Do not dare question me again, Y/n. You don't want to know what happens next." Maybe I did.
Isabella stood straight and sent me off with a smile. "Go along now Dear, and make sure you are not seen on your way to the room!"
As soon as I exited the door, an overwhelming wave took over me, and I leaned on the wall for support. I heard the main door to the testing room open and some shuffling going on in the room. I guess the other children must have arrived, then. I stay to listen for a while, but nothing much happens. I got bored and went to my room instead of lying around.
My room is tiny. It was right next to Isabella's office. I noticed that the children did not go into her office. They must be restricted. Or else, I would have been found. There is another room in this room that Isabella forbade me to go into. She said it contained scary stuff that I didn't want to see. So I didn't.
I was three years old at the time. I thought that maybe living my life as a ghost- not dead, but not exactly alive- not present, but not exactly absent would bring me peace. If I was quiet, if I believed Isabella enough to actually trust her, maybe I would have a good life.
Even though I just observed the orphans from afar, I resisted every urge to play with them. To make them feel as if another presence was there.
Honestly, I don't remember much before I was brought here to Grace Field. My life from before felt like a dream that was slowly slipping away from my grasp. And then, it was gone.
###
I would wake up 8 years later.
My room was dark and my chest, heavy. Sweat trickled from my eyebrow. My heartbeat was racing. I kicked off the blanket that I had and stood up, feeling entirely dizzy. The vision in front of me is swaying back and forth. I know I am still in my room, but I don't feel well.
I often have nightmares like this. Since the day Isabella brought me here. I just ignored all of them, thinking they were nothing useful to reminisce or think about. But I'm not ignoring this one.
What made me frightened? Was it because someone had finally found me out?
It was like any ordinary day. Unexpectedly, someone else was in the place that I was supposed to sit at.
And if that wasn't normal, the person in my nightmare said, "so you really did exist."
Then the vision shrouded to darkness, and Isabella stood towering over me, looking at me with a pitiful grin.
"This is why I told you to hide yourself, my dear Y/n."
I twisted the cold doorknob with shaking legs and pushed the door open. Isabella was sat on a chair, writing a letter to whomever it may concern her. As I grew here, I treated Isabella like a companion. Not my mother, nor friend, nor enemy. Just a co-human being that constantly annoyed me.
"What woke you up in the middle of the night, Y/n?" Isabella asked, stamping the letter with a seal and turning to me with her comforting stare. If I didn't know better, I wouldn't have known it was fake.
"I had... another nightmare," I answered honestly, seeing no use in replying snarkily or philosophically.
Isabella nodded. "I see. What a pity, then. Would you like to tell me about it?"
I shook my head. I preferred not to, not this time. This nightmare, after all, felt like a premonition. I just told Isabella about it to see how she would react. To see if she had any indirect cause to what I dreamt of.
Nothing. Her reaction didn't seem to be out of the ordinary. I crawled back to my bed, wondering. Would I never really attain the peaceful life I swore to live when I was three?
Now that I'm eleven, I am entirely unsure.