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To Himeru, it felt like Kaname was everywhere, even when still stuck comatose in his hospital room.
When Kohaku proudly declared that the sweets he’d brought to a circle meeting were all theirs, with the other two members being busy with their own unit work; when Rinne bickered fondly with Hiiro, eyes full of care despite his harsh words that never seemed to phase his brother; when Niki fumbled around in practice, easily overwhelmed and frustrated at things not going his way.
Had he grown to care for this unit, truly, or was it just the reminders of his brother that made him feel fondness for the people surrounding him?
It filled him with bitterness, some days, to be surrounded by these painful reminders of a boy he knew for such a short period of time, yet had grown to care for so deeply. He had to believe that one day Kaname would wake up, and only then he’d be able to make up for the years of lost time.
“What’re ya starin’ at me for?” Kohaku huffed, pulling Himeru away from his thoughts. That’s right, he’d been helping the younger boy change into a more-complicated-than-usual outfit for a performance, anything new still too confusing for him to put on by himself.
“Sorry, Himeru was lost in thought, he wasn’t staring at you.” He apologized, turning away to get himself dressed for the live.
“Whatcha thinkin’ about?” Kohaku hummed, walking over to Himeru’s stuff with him. It wasn’t weird to watch him change, not with how Himeru was just helping him.
Himeru was quiet for a second as he rustled through his items, collecting his thoughts. “You just remind Himeru of someone he knows, that’s all.”
“Ooo~ if we’re so similar, let me meet ‘em.” Kohaku said, eyes glittering at the possibility of meeting one of Himeru’s friends. The man was usually so private, so this tiny bit of knowledge felt like striking gold.
“Ah- Himeru isn’t sure that’s quite possible…” He hummed, hoping Kohaku would drop the subject.
“What? Not talkin’ anymore?” Kohaku asked, not teasingly like it would be from the others. He seemed genuinely interested, which was a curse in and of itself. Himeru was supposed to be private, but this boy sitting here, reminding him of his brother and being interested in Himeru, how was he supposed to stay quiet?
“That’s not quite it…” It wasn’t so easy to just say that said person had been comatose for the last few years and that’s why they couldn’t talk, but ‘not talking’ wasn't exactly wrong, per se.
“Did somethin’ happen?” Kohaku asked, pushing it just like one would expect from the child he was, as much as he tried to act mature at times. It was cute, watching him act so innocent compared to his usual self.
And before Himeru could regret it, the words had already left his mouth, “Himeru will take you to meet him on our next free day, alright?”
…He’d just wanted Oukawa to drop the subject, but he didn’t think the boy would actually hold onto his words.
He should have known better, because here he was: it was too early in the morning for anyone to reasonably be awake, Crazy:B having no activities scheduled for the day, and presumably Double Face didn’t either, as the pink haired boy was busying himself with waking up Himeru and asking him to meet his “friend”.
“What time is it?” Himeru groaned, pushing away the hands that had been shoving at him to disturb his sleep.
“Six-thirty.” Kohaku said calmly, as if that was a reasonable time to be awake on your day off. It took a few seconds of wracking through his sleep-muddled brain to figure out why exactly Kohaku could be here, until he remembered what he’d said a few days prior.
A groan escaped Himeru as he turned in his bed, facing away from his distuber. “The hospital isn’t even accepting visitors yet, let Himeru sleep.”
“Hospital..?” Kohaku asked quietly.
“Yes, Himeru will take you later. Go away.” He huffed, pulling his blankets over his head in hopes that Kohaku would go away. He heard some shuffling and then the dorm door closing, and he sighed in relief, if not for the situation he’d managed to get himself into.
There really wasn’t any getting out of this without making Kohaku hate him for canceling, was there? He’d already had plans to go see Kaname that day, completely forgetting about what he’d said the other day, so now he’d just have to take Kohaku with him in a few hours and hoping the boy didn’t go tell everyone that the Himeru they knew was a fake.
-
Kohaku hadn’t ever been in a hospital before. He’d seen them in movies, but with only recently leaving his household, he hadn’t known anyone sick or injured enough to go see them. The bright white walls glared at him, the stale scent of medicine surrounding his every step, causing him to crinkle his nose in disgust as he let Himeru guide them to whoever they were meeting.
…Well, whoever Kohaku was meeting. He kind of regretted asking if it was such a sensitive subject, but he pushed that thought away as his unit-mate stopped in front of a door after an eternity in this endless maze. The curiosity got the best of him, he couldn’t regret it now when it meant knowing more about the person beside him.
Himeru didn’t seem to want to open the door just yet, hand braced near the door as he tried to summon up the courage to do so. In the meantime, Kohaku took a careful glance around the area to see what he could figure out.
The window into the room: curtains drawn, no strangers to glance inside.
The door: a nameplate sat to the right of the door, reading… ‘Kaname Toujou’, something that rang familiar, but he couldn’t place it.
After a few moments, Himeru pushed open the door, gesturing for Kohaku to enter the room before him.
Inside, Kohaku immediately froze. The man beside him had seemingly been cloned and laid before them, blue hair overgrown and his body covered in miscellaneous wires, the breathing mask obscuring his features as Kohaku stared at him, but not enough that he couldn’t see the resemblance to the person who brought him here. He heard the door close them away from the rest of the hospital as he was lost in thought. The beeping of the machines rang in his head amplified, confusion flowing throughout his entire being. This was who Himeru had said Kohaku reminded him of? What was going on?
Himeru caught Kohaku’s eye when the boy turned around, prepared to start bombarding him with questions before Himeru started speaking. “This is Kaname, my younger brother.”
“...How’d he end up like this?” Kohaku asked, feeling like it was a forbidden question but dying to know regardless.
“He was attacked during his time at Reimei, he’s been in this state for a few years now.” Himeru answered, seemingly calm yet Kohaku noticed his hands trembling by his sides.
“He was an idol?” Kohaku hummed, looking at Kaname once more. He didn’t remember seeing something about two Himeru’s online, only one.
“He was… Kaname was the original HiMERU. I am merely acting as his replacement until he’s better. I trust you will not tell the others this.” Himeru said, and Kohaku found himself feeling overwhelmed with everything he was being told.
Himeru was going to leave them whenever Kaname was better? Well… with the state of him now, was there even a recovery in sight? What would happen to Himeru when that day comes, or will no one even be able to notice the difference?
He would. Kohaku would be able to notice, and he’d chase down the Himeru he knows to drag him back no matter what. They were friends, he’d become intertwined in Crazy:B’s twisted version of a family, and Kohaku didn’t want him to leave.
“How’d I remind you of him?” Kohaku asked after a few moments had passed, desperate to change the topic from his friend leaving their unit eventually.
“Sometimes you seem just as innocent as he did, and you enjoy similar things. Well, I only knew him for a short while, so maybe it’s not all that accurate.” Himeru shrugged.
“Ya only knew him for a short while…?” Kohaku repeated, face scrunching in confusion. “But he was yer brother?”
“Ah - half brother, we met not too long before he was attacked.” Himeru said, looking down at his brother sadly. Kohaku could tell that he cared about his brother dearly, but to only have known him for a short period before he became comatose and you had to replace him? Kohaku couldn’t imagine how it felt. He didn’t get to see his sisters often with now being in the city, but he missed them every day.
“He’ll wake up soon ‘nd you can see him, I believe it.” Was all that Kohaku could say, as much as he hated the words leaving his mouth. Himeru - or at least, the version who was standing before him - belonged to Crazy:B, and Kohaku didn’t want to let him go that easily.
He hated that he found himself feeling bitterness to the boy laid comatose before them being kept alive by machines and medications running through him, but how could he not? This boy would lead to Himeru being taken away from them - maybe if he was nice, he’d not want to be an idol anymore.
…Kohaku remembered his thought process from earlier, questioning whether Kaname could ever perform again, even if he wakes up.
“I hope so.” Himeru said as he finally pulled his eyes away from his brother and turning back to look at Kohaku. “Can I confess something?”
“Go on..?” Kohaku hummed, confused.
“Whenever I see Amagi with his brother, I get jealous. He doesn’t appreciate the younger one as much as he should, and I hate that my brother is like this while he’s out there being ungrateful.” Himeru scoffed, walking closer to the bed. He picked up Kaname’s hand gently, brushing his thumb over the pale skin, careful of the wires, before pulling his hand away. “We should go now. Himeru said he’d introduce you and he won’t go back on his word, but he thinks we’re done here.”
Kohaku nodded, not sure what to say. Socializing was difficult for him, he struggled to communicate with those around him often due to being kept away from everyone for his whole life. He wished he could say something to Himeru, but all he could do was follow obediently behind Himeru as they made their way out of the hospital and back to the dorms.
Himeru stopped him as they neared the dorms, staring at him intensely, “Please, Himeru cannot express how much he needs you to keep this a secret from the others.”
“‘Course, I’m not gonna go ‘nd spill yer secrets like that. We’re friends, right?” Kohaku said, hoping Himeru would catch what he was saying and verify that yes, they were friends, even if he was being a horrible friend and planning to leave them in some unknown period of time to be replaced by his brother.
“Himeru would like to think so. Thank you, Oukawa.” Himeru said softly, a hint of a smile left on his face as he continued walking.
Kohaku felt a little more glad at that confirmation, but the knowledge of Kaname was weighing on his mind. All he could do for now was be glad that Himeru would trust him with this and ignore the worry that Himeru would be leaving soon.
All would be fine, right? They were friends, after all.