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Kazuha fidgeted with the sleeves of his hoodie and tried to avoid looking at his phone. Anxiety was rapidly building in the pit of his stomach as he thought about what he was about to do, and looking at Heizou’s text confirming that he would be at his house shortly would only make it worse. Sure, he knew that Heizou would be good about it, but the prospect of finally telling someone about the feelings that were slowly choking him was absolutely terrifying.
He needed to get up and move. Otherwise, he felt like he was going to explode. Leaving his phone on the bed, Kazuha made his way downstairs to the living room. His dad was out for the day, so the house was quiet. Too quiet. It was going to drive him crazy. Good thing Heizou would be here soon. He would definitely change that. Kazuha paced back and forth, trying to resist the urge to walk upstairs, grab his phone, and tell Heizou nevermind, please just go home I’m sorry for wasting your time-
The doorbell rang. Kazuha stopped dead in his tracks, completely freezing up as he tried to decide what to do. Ultimately, the desire to see his boyfriend despite knowing what they were going to be talking about spurred him into action. He crossed to the door and opened it, finding Heizou standing there in baggy jeans and a loose black t-shirt with his favorite band’s logo on it. His face split into a grin as soon as he saw him, but it was quickly replaced by a look of concern once he saw the look on Kazuha’s face.
“Zuzu, you look awful. What’s wrong?”
Wordlessly, Kazuha let Heizou into the house. He slipped his hand into Heizou’s before tugging him up the stairs to his bedroom. Sure, the house was empty, but he wanted the comfort of the small room right now.
Heizou didn’t pry as they walked upstairs, but Kazuha could sense his concern. He was probably struggling to keep himself from talking, though. He always had trouble with that. Kazuha must look really bad if he was worried enough to overcome it and stay quiet.
“Is this because of what you said you wanted to talk to me about?” Heizou asked softly once they were in Kazuha’s bedroom. They both sat down on his bed, given that Kazuha was entirely unwilling to let go of his grip on Heizou’s hand.
Kazuha nodded, unable to meet Heizou’s gaze. He felt both better and worse with him here, and the mixed signals weren’t helping him calm down.
“We can talk about it a different time if it’s too scary now.” Heizou gave Kazuha’s hand a reassuring squeeze as he spoke, then scooted a little closer so that their knees were gently touching.
“No, I-” Kazuha almost choked on his words, but he took a deep breath and tried again. “I have to talk about it. I’m just- scared. I shouldn’t be.”
“Take your time. It’s okay.”
Deep breath in, deep breath out. Kazuha tried desperately to settle himself enough to get the words out, despite feeling the anxiety creeping up his throat and bringing tears with it. After a long pause, he finally managed to choke out “I think I’m trans.”
Heizou held out his other hand for Kazuha to hold, which he gratefully took. His trademark grin appeared on his face, instantly soothing several of Kazuha’s worries. “That’s awesome! How long have you known?”
“Long time. Since before we started dating.” Kazuha exhaled heavily, already feeling more steady, though words were still a struggle. “Since I was thirteen I’ve known something wasn’t right. It wasn’t until I started reading more about what it was like so I could support you better that things clicked into place.”
“Oh, Kazuha… why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Heizou murmured, concern clouding his expression. He paused for a moment, then shook his head slightly. “Wait, is that still your name?”
Kazuha nodded. “I thought about trying to find a different one for a while, but nothing stuck like this one. And, well, it is supposed to be a boy’s name.” He hesitated for a second, shifting uncomfortably as if he could just disappear into his hoodie. “I didn’t say anything sooner because it feels like I’m faking it. But I just- I had to tell someone.”
“It is a boy’s name. I mean, traditionally, yeah, but if it’s your name, it’s a boy’s name.” Heizou replied simply. That simple act of validation brought tears back to Kazuha’s eyes, rendering him completely unable to tell how he was feeling. “Oh, and- before I forget, what are your pronouns now?”
“He/him,” Kazuha whispered through the lump in his throat.
“Okay. So, Kazuha, have I ever told you that you’re the best boyfriend ever?” Heizou said, giving him a gentle smile and squeezing his hands reassuringly.
“Oh,” Kazuha gasped, letting go of one of Heizou’s hands to cover his hand with his mouth. He blinked furiously, trying not to start crying, but the effort was in vain. Finally, finally, he felt more right than he ever had, because he knew that now Heizou was looking at him and seeing a boy. Somebody else could see what deep down he knew was true, and he didn’t quite know how to handle it outside of the overwhelming happiness spreading through his whole body.
He didn’t really start crying until Heizou pulled him into a hug. Kazuha tucked his head in the crook of his boyfriend’s neck and clung tightly to him as all of his emotions well and truly hit him at once.
“You’re not faking anything,” Heizou whispered. “There’s no right way to be trans. It’ll look different for you than it does for me, and that’s okay. You’re still so valid, and I’m with you every step of the way.”
Kazuha couldn’t quite respond, as he was still crying a little too hard to form words, but he hoped Heizou knew he appreciated his words all the same.
They stayed like that for a while as Kazuha slowly calmed down. Even once his tears had stopped, he just stayed right where he was. Heizou gave the best hugs. He was warm enough to almost be a space heater by himself and somehow he always knew where to put his arms to make Kazuha the most comfortable.
“Feel better?” Heizou asked gently.
Kazuha nodded, allowing his eyes to slip closed. “A little. Sorry.”
“You’ve got nothing to apologize for. I know how much it sucks to deal with all of this by yourself, so I’m glad you told me,” Heizou responded. “There’s still a lot we should probably talk about, but we can wait if you’re not up for that right now.”
“Later. Please. I just want to stay here for a little while.”
“We can do that.” Heizou kissed the top of Kazuha’s head and shifted slightly against him to make himself more comfortable. “Can I do anything else for you?”
Archons, this boy was going to be the death of him. Kazuha’s heart skipped a beat (or three) and a little smile crept onto his face, despite the lingering terrible feelings. “No. This is good. Thank you so much. Not just for this, but for everything.”
“Of course.”
Exhaustion was starting to tug at him now that he had finally calmed down to the point of being able to feel other things. The massive weight that was his identity had suddenly become so much easier to bear now that Heizou knew and had unflinchingly expressed support for him. Kazuha started slowly drifting off, finding it easier than he had in years.
Before he completely fell asleep, though, Kazuha sighed softly in contentment and murmured “I love you, Heizou.”
“I love you too, Zuzu.”
Kazuha fell asleep with a smile on his face not long afterward.