Chapter Text
In the end, everything falls apart because of Piper. Piper’s the one who insisted that Annabeth needed to take a break. Piper’s the one to convince Annabeth to take a girls night out with her and Hazel. Piper even picked out the movie - some sappy romcom, the kind of movie that never failed to make Hazel cry. Exactly the kind of movie Annabeth pretended not to like.
True to her character, Hazel is dabbing at her eyes right now. Piper is trying to find a restaurant her friend told her about on Google maps, and Annabeth hands Hazel a tissue, which makes them all laugh. It's a good night, the kind that feels like can't possibly go wrong. Naturally, of course, because demigods (and Annabeth specifically) never have any luck, that’s when everything does.
The cinema doors open and a few girls, giggling, walk out. Annabeth recognises them from the movie because they'd talked all the way through it.
"I still think it was overrated," one of the girls is saying.
"I liked it," says her friend.
"Of course you did," another girl says. "Good movie or not, I think we can agree that the story was kind of unrealistic. Lily and Max were together the whole time. They never even tried dating anybody else. I mean, if you've only ever been with one person in your whole life, how do you know you actually love them? Who else is there to compare it to?"
Her friends all (loudly) agree as they move on down the street, and when Annabeth turns back, both Piper and Hazel are staring at her.
"What?" she says expectantly.
Piper and Hazel share a look.
"Nothing," says Piper.
"Are you okay, Annabeth?" Hazel asks.
"No, I'm not okay," Annabeth says. Both Piper and Hazel's expressions turned concerned at once, as she adds, "I'm starving. Are you sure you have the address right?"
Hazel's features relax into a smile. She rolls her eyes and takes Piper's phone from her. "Here, let me try…"
Piper watches her for a few seconds longer, and Annabeth gets the distinct feeling that she's being scrutinised. She opens her mouth, but Hazel (bless her) makes a triumphant noise at just the right time.
"Found it! It's not too far…"
Piper, at least for the moment, seems to forget all her suspicions. Annabeth smiles and laughs and joins along, but in her head, that girl's voice won't stop replaying on a constant loop.
If you've only ever been with one person in your whole life, how do you know you actually love them?
.
.
Percy's half asleep on the couch when Annabeth gets in, only the light from his laptop illuminating on his face. He's watching some show, but he doesn't seem to mind when Annabeth crawls in next to him and squeezes into a spot on their tiny couch. She rests her head on his chest and curls her fingers into his shirt.
"Hey," she whispers.
"Hey," he says back, murmuring into her hair. "Did you have fun?"
"Yeah," she says. "Hazel cried."
Percy lets out a little snort. "So it was a good movie."
"Good movie," Annabeth says sleepily. Percy is warm, and he smells really good. "But apparently it was unrealistic."
"Oh, yeah?" Percy says, sounding amused.
"Yes," she mumbles. "Although, according to them, I wouldn't have any idea."
Percy lets out a small laugh. "Annabeth, you're not making any sense."
"I'm making perfect sense," she tells him. "You're just not listening."
She can't see him, but she knows he's rolling his eyes. He pushes the laptop off the couch and drags her up by the waist. Annabeth wraps her arms around his neck and makes a noise of annoyance.
"No moving," Annabeth instructs.
"Yes moving," Percy counters. "We're going to bed, because you're sleepy, and you get emotional when you're sleepy."
"No, I don't," Annabeth says emotionally. Percy drops a kiss in her hair, and Annabeth could stay here, in this moment, forever.
"I love you," Percy says, and the fondness of it all drips from every word.
Annabeth leans up and kisses him. He smiles into her mouth, and Annabeth tries—she really tries—to silence the voice in her head screaming but how do I know if I love you too?
.
.
When Annabeth wakes up, Percy's side of the bed is empty. But it's still warm, so she pulls on one of his shirts and finds him in the bathroom brushing his teeth. Annabeth leans on the doorframe and Percy grins at her in the mirror, all ridiculous with the toothpaste foam frothing in his mouth.
"Gross," she says, but she's laughing.
Percy spits it all out and says, "I have—"
"Breakfast with your family today," Annabeth finishes, wincing. "Gods, I forgot. Sorry."
"It's fine," Percy says. "I mean, you partied so hard last night, I'm surprised you're even functioning today…"
"I had one drink with Piper and Hazel, I didn't suddenly turn into a frat boy," Annabeth says.
Percy turns and pulls Annabeth into a kiss, minty in taste but less clean in nature. She instinctively leans forward for more when their lips part, and Percy grins at her. His eyes are greener up close.
"You know, you can come if you want," he says pleadingly. "Everyone loves you…" A kiss, "Estelle hasn't seen you in ages," another kiss, "and you know Mom and Paul are always happy to see you…"
"I can't," Annabeth tells Percy apologetically. "I have so much studying to do…"
"Yeah, I figured," Percy says. He leans in for another kiss, and Annabeth dodges it, much to his protest.
"You're gonna be late," she reminds him.
"Shit, you're right." Percy throws on a jacket and Annabeth follows him to the door, the wooden floor cool on her bare feet.
"Get out of here, Seaweed Brain," she tells him when he tries to steal another kiss, shoving him out the door. He's already halfway down the corridor when she shouts after him, "And give them my love!"
"Okay, love you, bye!"
Love you . Percy disappears around the corner, and Annabeth gets that weird, uneasy feeling in her gut again. You love me , she thinks. Or you think you do. But how do you know?
.
.
Until now, Annabeth hasn't really realised how much he says it. That he loves her, she means. They're not really the kind of couple who engage in PDA. Percy is touchier at home, but it’s not like they make out in public, and they haven't really made a big deal about anniversaries since they were teenagers. Actually, for a couple who have been to the pits of hell and back, Annabeth thinks they're pretty lowkey.
Or, she did . But Percy is always saying it, always seeking affection from her in some way or another - or maybe now she's just looking too hard for it. Three words, eight letters. It hadn't bothered her before. But now that she's thinking about it…
Thalia says Annabeth always over complicates things. It's easy to overthink and draw the wrong conclusions, it's easy to rationalise her way into a hole she can't get out of. Thalia, annoyingly, is also always right when it comes to Annabeth.
Annabeth waits a little while to see if it will go away. But Percy is always saying I love you , and she can't bring herself to feel the way she did before. It's not something that consumes her every waking thought, but it's there. Niggling, annoying. A tiny condescending voice in the back of her head. At night the voice gets louder and she stays up late staring at Percy's sleeping silhouette in the dark, wondering what he's thinking, wondering what she's supposed to feel.
"Hey," says Percy one morning, and Annabeth jumps.
"Sorry, I was just—thinking."
"Always thinking," says Percy after a moment, but he's smiling, so Annabeth knows it's okay. "Okay, I'm going now. I love you."
Annabeth has gotten very good at ignoring the kick in her gut. "Okay," she says. "Good luck."
Percy's expression flickers for half a second as he turns to leave, but that's enough for her warning bells to jump to action. She grabs his arm.
"Hey," she says sharply. "Is something wrong?"
"No," Percy says, like it's a reflex. He hesitates. Annabeth frowns at him.
"Percy…"
"You don't say it anymore," he says finally. He sounds resigned, and—not embarrassed, but just… not happy about it. "I love you. You don't say it anymore."
Annabeth's mouth turns to sandpaper. "Percy…"
"It's fine," Percy says quickly. "Really."
"It's not fine," Annabeth says, studying his face. "This matters to you."
Percy frowns. "Not in the way you think. I don't need… validation, or whatever. I know you love me."
Annabeth opens her mouth. Nothing comes out.
Percy's expression changes at once, unpredictably, shifting in mood, drawing his expression inwards as quickly as the tide.
"You don't love me."
Gods, Annabeth never wants to see that expression on her face again. Please, please, let her rewind to five minutes ago when everything was fine and he was still smiling. She'd take her words back in a heartbeat if she could, but now she's started down this road it's too hard to find her way back.
"No," she says quickly. "Percy, I do. I think."
"You think?"
"No," Annabeth's words tumble from her mouth without her permission. "I know! I mean, I don't know."
"You don't know if you love me," he says quietly.
"Percy," she tries, "hang on, let me explain…"
"I thought—" Percy's got that pinched, frustrated look in his eyes. "Annabeth, I thought we were on the same page! If you don't—" an intake of breath, "If you don't love me, you should have told me."
Annabeth makes an irritated noise, stuck somewhere between desperation and frustration. "Percy, you're not letting me explain."
"You're not making any sense!"
"Percy…"
"So do you love me?"
Percy's eyes are serious; he won't look away from her. He could have punched her in the stomach instead, and she might have been able to catch her breath faster.
"I don't know!" Annabeth says. "Maybe. I think so. I'm just… I'm not sure, okay?"
"You're not sure." Percy kicks the corner of the bed, but it's harmless. "Annabeth, how can you not be… how long have you been sitting on this?"
"I don't know…" Gods, Annabeth's getting sick of saying that, "A couple of days? Maybe a week or two."
"And, what, you just woke up one morning and couldn't decide whether you loved me or not?" Percy demands.
Annabeth frowns at him. "Don't say it like that."
"Like what?"
"Like I don't care about you!"
Percy throws his hands up; he always gets expressive when they fight. "Annabeth, you just told me you don't love me!"
"I didn't say that!" she says, alarmed. "I said I wasn't sure."
Percy crosses his arms and stares at her for a few, agonising seconds. His voice was softer, but still rough when he continued.
"Where is this coming from, Wise Girl?"
She can't tell him about the movies. It's too trivial, too high-school. He'll take her by the hands and say, "Annabeth, those girls are wrong ," and in his eyes everything will be resolved but Annabeth will still be chewing her fingernails down to the skin every night obsessing over it.
"You're my first boyfriend," she says instead. "You're my only boyfriend. You were my first for everything."
Percy's eyes are melting softer by the minute. "I know. You were mine, too."
"But you had Rachel," Annabeth blurts out, and suddenly every little fledged thought she's had over the past few days has come bursting forth and demands to be said, "and Calypso."
Percy blinks. They've never talked about Calypso. She knows he spent time with her, and he knows she knows, but they've never really, actually, talked about it. Somehow there had always been this invisible line that neither of them had dared to cross.
"You had Luke," he says flatly.
Annabeth shakes her head. "That was different." They both knew it. Luke was family. Luke was… well, he was Luke.
"Annabeth," Percy sounds vaguely pleading, "I don't know what this is about. Where are you going with this?"
Annabeth takes a deep breath. "Haven't you ever stopped to consider whether you really love me or not? No, hang on, just listen —we grew up together, we've been dating since we were sixteen . And I mean, between saving the world and celebrating anniversaries… we never exactly got any chance to date around. Be normal."
"Annabeth, we have never, ever been normal," says Percy.
"I know. But maybe now is the time to try . Think about it," Annabeth reasons. "You say you love me, and that's what everyone expects. We're supposed to get married and have kids and finish out this whole big fairytale everyone's planned out for us. We got lucky. We found the one on our first try."
"And you're saying you don't think I’m the one."
"No," Annabeth says. She's furious to find her eyes are smarting. "I'm saying… how do you know I’m the one?"
"You get a feeling," Percy says quietly. "You just know."
"But how do I know ?" Annabeth repeats frustratedly. "I can't just—I don't work that way. I can't just jump. There's no proof, I need proof."
Percy sounds absolutely miserable when he says, "So what do you wanna do, Annabeth? Break up?"
"No!" Annabeth says reflexively. "I… Maybe we should just consider, you know. Taking a break."
"Oh, gods." Percy laughs a little, but it's not very humorous. "You're actually being serious."
"I just think maybe we could try seeing other people. To see if what we have is real."
"Annabeth, this isn't a game," Percy pleads. "I love you, I don't want anybody else." Annabeth makes a little noise in the back of the throat, and his face smooths out, expressionless. She hates when he does that. He crosses his arms. "Do you really want to do this?"
She hesitates. She could go back. She could say she's sorry. She'll tell him she loves him, they'll get married, have kids one day, they'll be happy. But she'll always be wondering. She'll never know .
"I think it might be good for us," she says finally.
There's a long pause. Annabeth forgets how to breathe, until finally he nods.
"Okay," he says. "Okay. If that's what you want, then… Yeah. Okay. Let's take a break."
It's as easy as that. A seven year relationship, put on pause in the space of five minutes.
.
.
Sitting alone in their tiny living room, Annabeth is struck with the thought that she doesn't really know how to be single. Even before dating Percy, she'd been a kid, and in between calculus homework and saving the world, she'd never really had the time to do normal girl things, like spin the bottle, or dating. Fortunately for her, she knows just the right person to call.
"Hey Annabeth, don't say anything scandalous. I'm drawing caricatures of New Yorker's dogs and you're on speakerphone," Rachel says brightly.
"Percy and I are on a break."
There's a tinny crashing noise from the receiver, followed by a round of barking, and when Rachel speaks again her voice is much louder, like she's holding the phone up close to her mouth.
"Give me thirty minutes, I'm on my way."
.
.
For maybe one of the first times ever, Rachel is earlier than she promised, and she even has a bag of Chinese food with her. Which is how Annabeth ends up chasing away her awkwardness by stabbing viciously at lukewarm pork dumplings. Rachel, meanwhile, stares incredulously at her.
"So… you're seeing other people."
"Yes," Annabeth says, for perhaps the hundredth time.
"And you swear you're feeling okay? No concussions, no memory loss…"
"Rachel."
"Oh, I know! Gaea's back and she's threatening to hurt everyone you love if you don't break up with Percy," Rachel suggests hopefully.
"Rachel."
"It was worth a shot." Rachel slumps back on the couch. There are flecks of yellow and pink paint in her hair. She looks tired. "Annabeth, are you sure you know what you're doing? Don't forget, I was there the first time Percy tried dating someone else. You almost bit my head off, you were so jealous."
"I'm not fifteen anymore," Annabeth says. “And I wasn’t jealous.”
Rachel snorts. “Okay, Annabeth,” she says disbelievingly. They’re silent for a minute. Annabeth chases an egg roll around her plate with chopsticks.
“Do you think I can do it?” Annabeth asks finally.
Rachel raises an eyebrow. “What, date? Of course you can do it. You’re smart, you’re hot. You live in New York. There are literally thousands of men in the city looking to take a girl like you out for the night.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
Rachel softens. “I know it’s hard, and I know you’re thinking about Percy right now. It’s no secret that I think this is a bad idea, Annabeth. But I know you, and I know you have to let this play out, or it’s gonna eat you alive. Call it my powers of prophecy, okay, but I think everything’s gonna work itself out.”
Annabeth manages a smile. “Love you, Rach.”
“I love you too, Annabeth.”
“Ugh,” Annabeth says, slumping back into her couch cushions. “I’m beginning to hate those three little words.”
.
.
As it turns out, dating is not easy. Annabeth signs up to some dating apps, and spends hours filtering through creepy men and unsolicited dick pics before deleting everything off her phone with a deep shudder. She tries going out to a bar, but again, mostly finds herself dodging creepy men who want to buy her drinks in exchange for dubious favours. The guys in her class are either too dull, or think they’re way smarter than her. Some of them are actually just kind of sexist. Most of them make her want to bang her head against a table until she has no memory of the male species anymore.
“I think I’m like… a creep magnet. How can I be this bad at dating?” Annabeth complains one night over her third glass of wine. Hazel is half asleep on the couch, Piper’s flipping through a magazine on the table, and Rachel’s trying to invent a new cocktail in the kitchen. But all three of them laugh at her when she speaks, shaking their heads.
“Oh, honey,” Rachel says. “You’re not bad at dating. This is just how it works.”
Annabeth frowns. “What?”
“You’ve never dated, Annabeth,” Rachel clarifies. “Percy was your first boyfriend, and I’m sorry, but you were severely spoiled by that.”
“A lot of people don’t get Percys as their first boyfriend,” Piper adds. “They get Parkers.”
“Parker?”
“Don’t ask,” Hazel says gravely. “I know the story, and I’m advising you not to ask.”
“The point is,” Rachel interjects, “What you’re experiencing right now is what most normal people experience when they’re dating. You’ve got to date a lot of people to find someone who’s even halfway decent.”
“A lot?” Annabeth echoes.
Piper nods. “A lot.”
Annabeth rubs her temples. “That sounds exhausting.”
All the other girls nod sympathetically.
“Welcome to the world of singlehood,” Rachel says. “It sucks.” She pauses, and then, hopefully, adds, “So… want me to tell Percy you’ve changed your mind?”
“Rachel,” Annabeth scolds.
Rachel sighs. “Okay, sorry. It was worth a shot.”
.
.
Annabeth finally gets a good date two weeks later. His name is Colin, and he’s one of Rachel’s friends. When she meets him for dinner, she can see why. They both share a spunky sense of humour, and an appreciation for art. He takes her to an opening night at an art gallery afterwards. Annabeth dresses up for it, black heels and a nice dress, but it’s not stuffy at all. Actually, it’s fun. It’s one of those interactive exhibits where you get to throw things and paint each other and be kind of silly. Annabeth’s heart hurts a little, cause she knows this is exactly the kind of place Percy would love. She almost expects him appear at any moment, but he doesn’t, of course. She hasn’t seen him in weeks.
“So,” says Colin. They’ve exhausted all the First Date topics already (favourite colour, number of siblings, where they grew up), and now they’re leaning into uncharted territory. “What do you do when you’re not studying to be a world class architect?”
“Oh, you know…” Save the world, kill monsters, train demigods. “Usual stuff. Boring stuff.”
Colin looks supremely amused by this answer. “Something tells me you couldn’t be boring if you tried, Annabeth.”
She smiles to herself as they both inspect a paper mache sculpture of a pig wearing sunglasses. Colin is charming. He knows exactly what to say, and he’s easy to get along with. It’s new, and exciting. Everything feels unfamiliar, everything is new territory.
Is this what love is supposed to be like? she wonders as she waves him off at the end of their date. Never knowing your next move? It feels weird finding out about Colin’s past through a series of questions. With Percy, they’d lived it together. They had history. Annabeth’s not sure if that comforts her or terrifies her.
Annabeth traipses up the stairs and fumbles for her keys. She’d had a glass of wine or two and now the world has a comforting fuzziness around the edges.
The door’s already unlocked. Annabeth sobers up instantly.
Her hand reaches into her purse for her dagger. She pushes open the door slowly. There’s a figure in her kitchen, a man, looking at something. His back is to her, and she launches her dagger at him without thinking.
He dodges, and the dagger embeds itself into the cabinet behind him.
“Percy!” Annabeth realises. “Gods, what the hell are you doing here?”
Percy looks sheepish. He wrenches the dagger out from the wall and passes it back to her.
“Sorry. I think I left my laptop charger here, and there are only so many times you can borrow Leo’s before he starts to get annoyed. Rachel said you were out tonight, so…”
His eyes flicker over her dress and Annabeth suddenly feels embarrassed, even though she literally has no reason to.
“Oh,” Annabeth says, with all the intelligence that being a daughter of Athena affords her.
“Is that… okay?”
“Yeah,” Annabeth says quickly. “Yes. It’s your place too, so, you know. You can come over whenever you want.”
“Right.” Percy shoves his hands into his pockets, and they stand there in silence for a long moment. She stares at him, at the hair in front of his eyes and the small stain tucked under his collar. She wonders where he got it from, when he got it, and if it’s going to stain. Sally always had this amazing trick for getting stains out of clothing, she—
“Monster fight,” Percy says, jerking Annabeth out of her thoughts. “A dracaena, two hours ago. I haven’t seen Mom yet.”
Annabeth feels a little faint. She slumps against the wall, feeling all the air in her lungs expel in one breath.
“Am I thinking too loud?” she asks him.
He shakes his head. “No. I just know you.”
The gravity of that lands and then settles in the air for a moment. Annabeth crosses her arms. Her heels are starting to make her healed ankle sore, but the ache seems small in the grand scheme of things.
“How have you been?” she says, eyeing him. “You haven’t answered my texts.”
“I thought we weren’t talking,” Percy says.
Annabeth frowns. “I never said that.”
“Yeah, but wasn’t it, like, some kind of unspoken rule?”
She arches an eyebrow. “Rule? This isn’t a game, Percy.”
Percy huffs a frustrated breath. “I know, Annabeth. I just… this is your experiment, remember?”
“Experiment?” Annabeth pushes herself off the wall. “This isn’t some experiment , Percy.”
“Come on,” Percy says. His eyes are dark, simmering green in the pale light of the apartment. “You were the one who said you wanted something new, someone else—“
“I never said that!” Annabeth says sharply.
“Where were you tonight, Annabeth?” Percy says suddenly. He looks tired, and he looks miserable, like he already knows what she’s going to say. He probably does. He knows this dress. She’d worn it for his twentieth birthday.
“Percy,” she says softly. The name is instinctive on her lips. His eyes shutter closed when she says it.
“I’m sorry,” he says finally. His eyes are a dark, broiling green when he opens them again. His knuckles are white against the kitchen bench. “I want you to be happy, but I can’t—I can’t do this, Annabeth. I can’t talk to you and pretend that everything is fine. I know you’re figuring some stuff out, but I know what love is, and I know I love you. So… if it’s okay with you, I’m not gonna respond to your messages for a little while.”
Annabeth stares at him. I know I love you . How is it so easy for him? As easy as breathing, as sure as anything. He says it like it’s obvious, like it's fact, like he’s saying the sky is blue or the grass is green. Annabeth wants to believe him. Logic can be taught, and rationality is easily learned. But love? Annabeth is the daughter of wisdom, and she’s always been afraid of things she can’t quite define.
“Annabeth?” Percy says. His eyebrows have furrowed in concern. “Is that okay?”
Annabeth devotes all her focus to that tiny little stain under his collar.
“Yeah,” she says. You asked for this, Annabeth. “That’s okay, Percy.”
He nods and grabs his charger, his keys, the hoodie lying on the couch she’d forgotten was actually his. Annabeth pretends not to watch him leave, but he hesitates at the door.
“If you need me, please call, okay? If you ring, I’ll pick up.”
Annabeth nods at him, her eyes smarting a little. “Same goes,” she says.
He gives her a small smile that’s packed full of irony. “Love you, Annabeth. Bye.”
The door swings closed with a soft click, and Annabeth sinks down into her couch. Colin’s messaged her several times confirming a second date, but that night Annabeth dreams only of Percy, of his green eyes and his sad smile, and Aphrodite gluing Annabeth’s lips shut with magical lip gloss.