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Hitoshi shoved the bathroom door closed and collapsed to the floor under the sink. He was so tired . Slipping his phone out of his pocket, Hitoshi pressed the contact for his lifeline. His rock. His very soul . The phone had barely rung once before Izuku’s voice was filling Hitoshi’s brain and allowing oxygen to finally pass through his lungs once more. “Toshi? Love? What’s going on?” Clenching his fist tightly, Hitoshi tried to push through the swimming in his head and focus on the steady presence of his person. His boyfriend. His heart .
Hitoshi hated this mission. He hated it with every fiber of his being, but he knew it would all be worth it in the end. It had to be worth it in the end. If he fucked up, if he failed this late in the game then nothing that has happened in the last five months is okay. Not the pain. Not the separation. Not the voices . “Zu,” A small sound of something travelled statically down the line. Hitoshi hated not being able to see Izuku’s eyes and determine what that sound meant. He had a guess, but it just wasn’t the same.
“Toshi, listen to my voice okay? Listen to me talking and count with me.”
Oh .
That’s what the noise was for.
“One, two, three, breathe. Two, three, four, breathe.” Izuku’s voice was calm and soothing. Every word, every coached movement, had Hitoshi’s racing heart settle slightly and the shaking in his hands became even more noticeable. “Toshi you’re doing so well, Love. So, so well.” Hitoshi could feel his toes tingling and his tongue felt lead heavy. This was all just so much . He wanted to be home. He wanted Izuku right there holding onto him. Hitoshi wanted to be able to smell Izuku.
You never realize how comforting a scent is until you don’t have it anymore. Eucalyptus and morning dew clung to Izuku at every moment and Hitoshi craved that smell. He missed it and nothing was working as a replacement. Nothing was helping, nothing seemed right . Nothing was home, because nothing was Izuku. Izuku was across the world and Hitoshi couldn’t reach him, couldn’t smell him, couldn’t see him.
Pictures and video calls only did so much when Hitoshi ached for Izuku. When a piece of his soul was still in Japan without him. When Hitoshi felt the absence of green hair and warm freckles with every single breath of oxygen that filled his lungs. With every single second that passed and every moment of static filled silence. Hitoshi needed Izuku and he had known that for years . He had known that Izuku was it for him ever since they were sixteen. Sixteen years old and a blushing stuttering mess of green eyes and scars whispering that he loved Hitoshi as they hid in the gym for extra training.
Those wide eyes that held emotions of every colour, shape and kind. Everything Izuku ever needed to say could be said with his eyes alone and Hitoshi missed them. He just wanted to go home. Home to Izuku. Home to Eri and his dad. Home to warmth and kindness and nothing like the hellscape he had to deal with. Papa was amazing, but he wasn’t home . He was a small piece of home, but he wasn’t Izuku. He wasn’t eucalyptus and dew. He wasn’t emeralds and sun streaked jade. Hitoshi wouldn’t have made it if Papa hadn’t been here as well, but he wouldn’t make it if this six months wasn’t over soon, either.
“Hitoshi, Love, come on, just need you to make a small sound. Just one.” Hitoshi felt the whine press through his teeth and rip his throat in two. He wanted to go home . “That’s it. There we go, Love. Now I need you to open your mouth. Just open it and close it a few times.” It took a few tries, but Hitoshi was eventually able to open and close his mouth. His jaw creaked and groaned with the stiff, jerky movements. “I’m so proud of you. So, so proud. Just twenty-eight more days, Love. You’re so close.”
Home.
Hitoshi let his eyes slide shut, blocking out the yellowed stained walls of the cabin he and Papa were staying in. Age and disuse evident in the cracks of paint and stain aged floor. He didn’t really mind the cabin. It wasn’t bad and it was a place to stay, to escape. “I miss you.” Hitoshi felt the way his voice cracked and strained. How the misery and loneliness leaked into the very fiber of his being and swirled in the air with a toxic vortex of want.
“I know, Toshi. I miss you too.” Five months. It had been five months of phone calls and text messages. Video calls and sleepless nights followed by sleepless days. Hitoshi was a mess and he knew it. Both Dad and Papa had tried to tell the two of them to call less, to text less. They were worried and Hitoshi knew that. He didn’t like worrying his parents, but Izuku was the only reason he wasn’t a wreck. The only reason he could make it through the nights that forced him into a role he had run from, had hid from, had tried to prove he would never fill.
Hitoshi’s head thunked against the wall as he pushed back the tears threatening to fall down his face. “It’s getting worse, Zu. It’s getting worse and I don’t want to do it anymore.” Hitoshi could feel a sob building in his chest as Izuku made comforting noises from the other side of the world. He was so tired .
“Love, Toshi, it’s okay . You are a hero. You will only ever be a hero.” A small pause and Izuku let out a small chuckle. “Well, a hero and one day my husband. You got that, Toshi? You have to finish this okay?” Hitoshi nearly choked on his spit.
Did- Did Izuku just propose ?
“Wha-” Hitoshi’s voice squeaked and cracked harshly. He could feel sweat slicking his hands and beading along his forehead.
“Shinsou Hitoshi, you have to finish this and be the hero I know you are, because once you do I’m going to marry you. Understood?” The tears finally broke free, but for the first time in months they were for something other than fear. Other than pain and torment.
“I want a better proposal, Zu.” The air softened and Hitoshi felt himself settle into his body more. Finally felt the cold bathroom floor underneath him and the metal pipe digging into his shoulder. His heart, his soul, his Izuku wanted him for life. Life and into death and everything in between. It was one thing to know and another to hear.
“I’ll give you the best damn proposal ever, Hitoshi. Just you wait.” Both of their voices were thick with emotion and Hitoshi wanted to be home .
“Twenty-eight days?” His voice was soft, small. Hitoshi needed this last month to be over.
“Twenty-eight days.”
Hitoshi couldn’t wait to go home.