Chapter Text
With cold breath, walking by the morning dew and the rising gold but to never forget the body heat of one’s world. Even if the universe goes against your will, those honey peach lips will never change, and only then I will feel like home.
His voice is like a lullaby with a complete package of beautiful lyric nonetheless, the puppy thinks, feeling in a fever dream. Luca lays down on the novelist’s lap, silently admiring how this sophisticated man had become his one and only. Sitting under the shady tree and enjoying the breezy air, spring is really a great time to enjoy the outdoor life, unless you have pollen allergy. Not too cold and not too hot, you can go anywhere and it will always be pretty.
The calloused hand softly threading through the golden hair, feeling every moment to its very core. They were fine this way, it was what they really needed, after long years of storm and thunders, this was at the very least what they deserved.
“Luca” the novelist looked up into the sky but to call out his lover’s name. The other man responded, one word of confirmation to see the smaller one’s intent. A few second turns into minutes, but no words uttered from both males. Luca calls out to his beloved, yet he still does not utter any words. He gets up into sitting position, shaping his collared shirt for a bit, and then gazed back to his partner, but only to be met with even more silence. Observing, but he cannot understand anything. What is it that you want to say, but takes so much of your time figuring out the words? We’ve come this far into our relationship; you don’t have to be shy to say anything. He thought.
But only then he realized the uncharacteristic of his lover. Ike gazed back to Luca, you can tell he is holding back his words, but his eyes did all the speaking to him. Luca watched as the golden forest spill from the beauty’s eyes, overflowing with the passing of time, accompanied by his tender smile, the one that begged not to be hurt.
Ike is never good at expressing his feelings. Ironic, since he’s a novelist, but what can he do. But he had to in one way or another, because otherwise there would be no health communication. That’s how it works, right?
“I… really don’t know how to express this properly, but I’ll try my best” The blue boy started his sentence. “It’s nice having you around, it really is. But…”
Steady breaths, silent wind. The water rises, but not all is pleasant.
“We should break up”
Leaves may sway and fall, but the people surrounding it stays in their place. The house became quiet, dusts over the course of a few months gathered up at the top of the cabinets, peacefully and untouched. Luca was out of the house, thinking very hard about where he had failed. He tried his best, but it just never makes sense. Is it because I was too overbearing? Was it my puppy nature? Did I speak too little? Did I act too late? He thought.
He looked back about their time together; through their ups and downs. He remembered Ike for all his fonds; his golden forest eyes, the droplets of blue in his hair, the soft lips one will always admired; he cared for all of them. Of course, being a novelist, he will hit his writing block soon or later, and usually he can overcome it very fairly; at least that what he claims.
But every time Luca tunes in for the night, he saw Ike typing furiously every night, coming up with a few paragraphs only for him to delete all of it. He never understood why, and he never asked about it out of respect. But with time passing by, the matter only became worst. Terrible with words, Ike would only ask Luca to accompany him occasionally. Luca complies as he has nothing against it. He’ll play some games while he listened to Ike typing in the computer. Sometimes, he’ll get too sleepy and sleep in Ike’s lap, but awoken sometime in midnight to hear light grunts and crying noises.
He was too stressed, but he didn’t know how to say it. Ironic, since he’s a novelist.
It was always in his mind; it was never enough. There is no satisfaction in his works. He desperately needs rest, but he never allowed himself. Sometimes it was too much he stopped working and just cried.
But he was afraid of losing his progress. He made it in life this far, and he had proved to people he can succeed just by writing, if he stops now, he won’t know what will happen with his life. The idea that his sales will stop coming in just because of a brief break means his whole entire career will crumble and left him vulnerable. He was terribly afraid. And he knew this had affected his relationship with the people around him, but especially his beloved.
He was heavily aware that he spent so much time trying to create a work, he barely spent any quality time with Luca, despite being in the same room. He wanted to hug him, kiss him, touch him, he wanted to scream his name through the night. But he can’t, he doesn’t allow himself to. But at least, he was there to be with him. And that is what keeps his sanity at a safe level.
So he’ll call out his name, and they’ll spent hours upon hours in each other’s embrace. It’s not helping his stress, but at least he was there to take care of him in case anything happens.
One day, Luca came home to hears harsh breathing and heavy sobs as he found Ike curling up in front of his computer, crying upon hours and hours non-stop, he ran out of tears, but still cried nonetheless. No words can describe seeing his lover writhe in pain as he looked helplessly, but he can’t do anything about it; he simply don’t know how to help.
He kneeled beside the shivering body, softly and gently wraps his arm around it. Lifting the other’s head, helping him breathe, and then putting him back to the embrace. They both know they needed help, but they don’t know how to go around it.
Some more time, it became so much worse, Ike hasn’t been out of his seat for over a few days, only getting up to go to the toilet. His body was in a terrible condition, and his head wasn’t clear. He knews he needed to stop, but he was afraid to. This not only resulted in Ike being easily irritated, but often gets him and Luca into arguments. Luca understood his condition, and he didn’t wanted to make it worse, but even he has his limits.
Came home, got into an argument, left the house, make up, sleep, wake up and go to work, repeat.
Ike never got the help he needed nor the rest he so deserved, but he finished it anyway. And only then he lets himself slip into slumber on the finely sized bed. His side of the bed was cold, it’s like he never slept there at all.
He felt the guilt crawl up his back, puncturing him every day and night that passed. He had engrossed himself in work so much that he didn’t make any contact with other human beings. So, he puffed himself up and faced Luca, he needed to apologize for the months of torture he unknowingly had afflicted to his lover.
But the words never came out. Instead, he simply walked up to the bigger’ side and held him, like a child afraid of being punished.
They both understood, but they were too afraid to say anything, relying on the assumption that the both had shared the same idea.
And then Luca had to go away for business. For 5 months.
And there was Ike again, left on his own again, feeling the empty space that was supposed to be a space for two. Back to how it was when he was in his most terrible state.
It feels like he never got any better at all. So he took the time to reflect on everything that has happened this far. All of his mistakes, he took them and build up on his final decision.
He gave out hints.
He’d message Luca a “good morning” with a good luck traveling sticker. Very occasionally, he’d put in additional messages, like “don’t die on your way home”, or “don’t hit up cars on your travel, or I’ll stop giving you kisses”; hoping this would mend the damage he had caused by being in his work.
Unfortunately, that’s not how it works.
When damage’s done, it’s done, you can’t turn back time to undo the damage and at the same time, you can’t fully repair what has been broken.
The pain was too much for the novelist to bear.
But even years after the both of them has lost contact of each other, none of them has forgotten the silky touch of their love under the sheet.