Work Text:
“Kenma, kitten, have you seen my toothbrush? I can't find it anywhere,” Kuro shouted from among the piles and piles of boxes with different, but no less useless and unpredictable labels.
“No, I haven’t. Maybe it’s on the bed?”
"It's not there,” Kuro called from the bedroom, and Kenma sighed. He placed down the box he just lifted and in the middle of his way across there was a loud “found it” from the other room.
He sighed again, came back to the room and tried dumping more of the stuff from the boxes on the bed to help with sorting everything out, when massive fucking claw grabbed the box from the side and lifted it away from Kenma and onto bed. Technically, still following the plan, but not very well .
“Some of them contain my electronics and parts of my PlayStation. If they get damaged, so will you.”
Kuro felt the primordial fear and spiking adrenaline. It went away fast, right after his eyes finished scanning the contents and there was, in fact, none of Kenma’s electronics, all of which took less than a few milliseconds.
“Ah and I thought that I was your one and precious partner. There is only one me, just so you know!“
“I know, sorry. Just, don’t handle my stuff like that, it's not a toy,” Kenma hissed as he picked and emptied another box on the bed, more carefully than Kuro.
“Sorry, sorry, I wasn’t expecting it and you looked like you were struggling. On the other hand, look what I found!” Kuro gleamed as he showed the toothbrush that he fished out from his pocket, still in the protective case.
“Well done, I’m happy for you,” Kenma said looking at Kuro from the bottom, very deflated after assessing the number of boxes present.
“Come to think of it, have you seen my ID card? I would love to lose it given the picture on it, but I still need it to enter the building.”
“Wasn’t it in your folder case?”
“My…folder case?”
“Yes.” Kenma paused. “In your folder case.” He looked at Kuro whose eyes became very panicky once again for the second time in just 15 minutes.
“My folder is back at the flat” He started looking around. “Are you sure it's there?”
“I think so but I am not sure.”
With the “I will go look” Kuro momentarily disappeared from the door frame. Kenma went to help. He checked his backpack and the coats they arrived in, looking over at Kuro’s stuff too.
“No. I can’t find it anywhere. I will need to go back.” Kuro came to Kenma’s room and immediately rushed to the entrance.
“Wait! I’ll come with you.”
“Are you sure? You don’t have to.”
“Yeah, don’t worry. Plus I will get to pack my set-up, I would prefer to have it with me, I need to prepare for the tournament.”
“Okay. Then let's go. We really need to hurry, I need to wake up at 6 to get there and I don’t want to have only 6 hours of sleep for that.”
Kenma looked at his phone clock as he put the shoes on and rushed to the car while Kuro was closing the door.
“It's 11pm so there shouldn't be any traffic, we should be able to manage before that.”
“I hope so.”
Kuro sat down and as soon as both of them wore seatbelt he pressed the pedal. Driving almost suppressing the speed limits, groping his hands so tight around the wheel Kenma thought he was going to break the fragile plastic.
Kenma rolled his eyes. For how many years they’d known each other and even lived together, Kuro had never stopped being the overpanicked puppy he is. So Kenma connected his phone to the car audio, turned on some music (something from either a recent game or anime they watched), and punched Kuro on the shoulder when they came to a stop on a traffic light. Not very painfully.
“Ouch, Ouch, ouch, Kenma!” Kuro shouted looking at Kenma, more surprised than angry.
“You know what that was for.” Kenma briefly looked back at Kuro and then again ahead.
“I know what that was for.” Kuro lowered his voice as he spoke, but then sprung up again. “But you still didn’t need to do it, it was fine, everything is okay. I was calmly driving and the people around me were not getting hit and there are in fact like 4 cars so far, it's all okay. I am…”
“Maybe not now, but now is not worth breaking our necks in an accident. Even if we get there later, you could just come to our home on break and sleep there. You will be okay.”
“Small things have a great effect and that’s why overstressing them can have worse results, I know.” Kuro started driving again as the lights turned green. They were silent for a moment. “Thank you.”
Kenma smiled lightly and punched Kuro again, this time very gently.
“Hey, that one was not necessary!” Kuro laughed as they continued their way home.
“Uhum. It wasn’t.” Kenma laughed a little as well.
After finding Kuros ID in the briefcase he left at the entrance (with Kenma looking with “I told you it will be okay”), they died on the bed, thankful they didn’t pack it yet. The night was peaceful, even though rather hot.
***
Kuro disappeared before Kenma was awake. The feeling of a kiss on the forehead was with him when he woke up and he was not sure if it was a dream or not (but knowing Kuro, probably he pecked him before disappearing, and for him it was almost like a good-luck charm routine).
Kenma checked the fridge and after successfully finding nothing that was enough for breakfast, he went to his desktop. He fidgeted around the place not knowing what to do and not particularly doing anything, not wanting to pack up his equipment so early before Kuro got back, he tried packing literally anything else, even though there was not a lot left. He did not want to pack Kuro’s stuff either because, well, it was Kuro’s stuff.
He nommed on the pre-prepared lunch he grabbed from the convenience store, which did burn his tongue, regretting his lack of patience.
Kuro: (sent 19:00)
Hey baby, it looks like I am going to be a lot late, sorry. The meeting is drawing for so long and I bet they will want us to do last minute edits.
Kenma: (sent 19:00)
It’s okay. You probably should go back to the house today instead of flat, so you can get some sleep.
Kuro : (sent 19:05)
I don’t want to leave you like that, plus I bet you didn’t eat properly today.
Kenma : (sent 19:06)
Maybe…
But still, it’s okay. You need rest, with your sleeping schedule.
Kuro : (sent 19:08)
But kitten…
Like…
It’s mean…
Kenma: (send 19:08)
It’s not, it’s okay. You need it and I don’t mind. I don’t mind being by myself.
Kuro: (sent 19:09)
You say that, but I was the reason you needed to come to the flat, and you needed to move the equipment and now I will need to delay all of that…
Kenma : (sent 19:10)
Grrr. Just sleep there fucktwit, you need your sleep. There is fuck all we can do if you come back at 5 am and need to wake up at 6 so I would rather you no
Kuro : (sent 19:10)
I just… love you, you know?
Also eat the soup from the fridge! I know you don’t like to eat soup without anything else but it's good, and has a lot of nice and useful stuff!
(sent 19:11)
Kenma : (sent 19:11)
Okay, okay.
Good night.
(sent 1:05)
Kuro : (1:05)
Good night, kitten.
***
Kuro : (sent 18:50)
I need to stay longer today too… They keep on bringing up more and more stuff to do
Kenma : (sent 18:50)
That’s okay, I understand. Go rest in the house
Kuro : (sent 18:55)
I’m sorry. I’ll try to be faster with my work
Kenma : (sent 18:56)
I know, thank you
***
Kuro : (sent 4: 23)
Fuck. SHIT IM SORRY I FELL ASLEEP ON MY DESK AND NOBODY WOKE ME UP SHIT SORRY KITTEN IM SORRY I DIDN'T COME
I hope I don’t wake you up, shit, sorry ;_; (sent 4: 24)
Kenma
: (sent 4:30)
Its oki
***
Kuro : (sent 18:45)
Kitten…
I…
Kenma : (sent 19:45)
Un, I understand, sleep there.
***
Kuro
: (sent 21:00)
Omw
I missed you so much ;-;
Kenma: (21:04)
!
~~~
Sweaty and excited, Kuro entered with a loud “I’m home!”. Kenma quietly threw himself on his husband’s chest. They slowly migrated from the entrance to the bedroom, Kenma getting rid of the fucking annoying tie somewhere on the floor because the texture and feel of it on his head was too annoying.
“I know you really don’t like lying down while in outside clothes, but can we for a bit? I am really tired and my feet might collapse after 2 hours of driving,” Kuro asked, looking over the bed and trying to take off the jacket without stopping to hold Kenma. “We don’t need to go under the sheets, I can just lie on top of them and then I take them out and clean properly!”
The latter nodded with a low hum. Like on command, Kuro fell on the bed.
“Aaah, nothing beats just having a good cuddle after a long working day. Maybe only onsen, but onsen and hugging are definitely the best thing in the world.” He stretched his limbs, semi-comfortably lying on the pillow buried under two sets of duvets and a protective blanket they used to keep bed clean but still enabled them to lie down on it semi-dirty.
“If you say so.”
“Am I wrong though?”
“I don’t know, I feel like completing a game 100% is more satisfying. Especially with Zelda Breath of the Wild.”
“Heeey, that’s mean.” Kuro laughed.
“You’d know if you played it.”
“Yeah, maybe. I remember seeing your face when you got all the Korok seeds. I swear, I was not sure if you were in ecstasy or about to kill somebody.”
“I will kill you if you continue to tease me about that though.”
“Alright, alright, understood!” Kuro turned on his side to face Kenma. “But still, I am glad you enjoyed it.”
“It was nothing but a pain and you know it yourself,” Kenma murmured. He curled up to Kuro’s side and grabbed his shirt to pull himself closer.
“Kitten...” Kuro semi-turned to Kenma and pet him, trying to suppress the yawn. “Everything is going to be alright, kitten.”
“I know, I know it will be.” Kenma exhaled and lowered his head more. “I know.”
“Heeey, we have a full world of adventures ahead of us! Maybe it feels difficult right now, but we will get through that. We got through much stuff, we will. Sometimes things don’t go well and maybe though this is not the best of times, it will change. You know it, like when a pickle happens it pickles and cucumbers become pickles. It might feel like a bad thing but it is soon over and it will get better and like when caterpillars become butterflies they go through a mess of being in a cocoon filled with nasty fluid and maybe we are too-”
Kuro was pausing and yawning between his words, spouting nonsense Kenma understood only because he lived with him so much. Speaking slower and quieter, he continued. His sentences and replies came in small weak bursts until they disappeared entirely. Kenma mentally shook his head and nuzzled more into Kuro’s chest, a little bit uncomfortable on his cheek from the digging of the button on the shirt that Kuro forgot to change out of.
***
The buzzing of the microwave surprisingly felt like it matched the wavelength that Kenma’s brain was working on that morning. After the beep, he took out the pasta, a pre-made creamy carbonara which definitely would get him killed by Kuro (and all Italians really). Film off and in the bin, he stirred the concoction with chopsticks that he was holding in his mouth, and headed to his computer.
Kuro left in the morning way earlier than Kenma would even be able to wake up or feel any movement.
Realistically, it was not the best time for him to move, but at the same time any other time would be worse. With the world championship just a week away, he really wanted to get some attention to strategies and his enemies.
Kenma put his hair in a bun - he let it grow out for so long that it could reach his waist and when it was purely black, people kept being scared of him as if he was the girl from the well. Yet still, he was in the habit of going unbleached for too long - but only with hair out of his eyes and forehead he could feel like he could fully concentrate on something. He slurped on the long noodles, which at some point in his game rewatch session had gotten cold.
With the new attack of the season 8 character, my main could struggle without backup, but it relies too much on tanks and healers, which is not always guaranteed that they will choose them, especially depending on which group will I be put in this time and who makes it to the match . Because no teams have been decided yet, betting on synergy is the worst thing he could do. The best backup then would be the horizon, especially if anybody takes bloodhound .
I must be chosen to be representative, otherwise, it all can go to trash.
Kenma put away the box and logged in.
The race was on.
~~~
20 wins, 7 losses, 3 drilling sessions, and just one more loss in the very last minute, a sneak grenade he didn’t reach in time without the speed boost of his main, which horizon didn’t have.
He blamed his muscle memory.
He stood up to stretch but now it was his body taking revenge on him and hitting with every potion effect.
He fell back in the chair. His legs were wobbly and junky, with strong pain in his stomach and a hot and acidic feeling going up his throat he didn’t notice until now. If Kuro saw him now he would become a mother hen, fussing about him to no end. Maybe in a past life, Kuro had been a very smart brooding chicken. Or a brooding chicken-cat.
Kenma smiled to himself at that thought and slowly, clinging against the wall in the dark, he barely found his way to the toilet. Taking care of one of the forks, he went to the kitchen at least to drink water, although it felt like his stomach would immediately return it back.
On the counter was a nicely placed granola bar he took, and accidentally dropped the sticky note attached to it.
“I am hooome!! I didn’t want to interrupt your session so I made a small meal and left it in the box in the fridge. I might be asleep already, but I don’t need to go anywhere tomorrow so maybe we could finish moving then!!—hopefully. I hope you sleep well <3
P.S. sorry for being away for so long, I know that normally Saturdays are our days, the management went crazy, but hopefully we managed to get back on track.“
Kenma checked his phone and surely, there were 10 messages, 2 missing calls and 1 audio, all from Kuro. He did read them just in case, but all just said that he was going home and asking to text back when he could.
He took shower and went to bed, nuzzling into the hand of a very sleepy and snoring Kuro.
***
“Morning, kitten, how are you feeling?” was the first thing Kenma heard after opening the door and accidentally kicking the box, which almost made him fall too.
“Morning. You woke up early.” He got himself back on track and continued his direction to the bathroom.
“I’d better wake up early, with how early I went to sleep,” was the sentence Kenma heard already with the toothbrush in his mouse after which followed loud thud and an even louder “Fuck!”.
“You good?” Kenma spat out some toothpaste.
“Don’t worry I just dropped a box!”
“Safe?” he mumbled through toothpaste and water in his mouth.
“Yeah, all good! Just some clothes, nothing fragile!”
Kenma spat out.
He marched to the other room and cupped Kuro’s face, forcing his husband to look at him.
“You know what I mean and that’s not it. Are you safe?”
“I, un.” Kuro looked confused for a bit, being forced to bend down a bit due to their height difference, but smiled after a few seconds. “You are so beautiful.”
“And you are so cheesy I feel greasy.”
He brushed his hair in a ponytail, not that he liked it that much, but it was nicer than if it was stuck in a zipper or under the boxes. He nodded to Kuro, supporting his action with a short “un”, ready.
They packed more, Kuro took charge of putting the boxes in the car while Kenma was fidgeting with his equipment and set-up which he would not trust Kuro to save his life (or anybody really).
With two suitcases in hands, as well as the boxes on top of them, Kenma was pressed in the car. A giant long box with lamps and posts was somewhat leaning on him, and his legs were squeezed by a backpack and another small-ish box. He mentally braced himself for the long drive in the heat.
~~~
Unpleasant acidity was boiling in his stomach when they finally arrived. The legs were pricked by thousands upon thousands of pins at any attempt of moving from being squished in a small place for so long. His bladder hurt, too.
Kuro went ahead while Kenma was trying to stretch his limbs out without collapsing on the first step. By the time he was able to step out of the car Kuro had collected the giant box that was squishing him there in the first place, making it a lot easier to move.
He wobbled to the door, unsure if it was him holding the suitcase, or if the suitcase was holding him. Something in that moment felt really bizarre and tiring but also relaxing. The suitcase was brought forward to the main entrance and was left there to Kuro’s help because he was not going to bring them up the stairs. Going to and fro from the car they eventually did manage to unpack most of the stuff from there, not including some heavy things Kenma decided to leave for Kuro because it was his stuff. Kenma went away to his desk (which, with some sofas and chairs, was already there).
They both went into different rooms, one of them mumbling something along the lines of “rest from moving” and both of them were happy with the idea.
Kenma looked over his equipment, and a different wave of feelings started to drown him. Wasting time on moving gave that feeling of unease in his innards, chirping on and giving constant reminders of “you should have been trying to improve, or doing some deconstructions or at least thinking of the optimal teams formations”. He kept clicking his tongue, trying to almost physically get rid of those thoughts and forcing to come back to “it's an investment in the future, it's an investment in the future, it's an investment in the future”. Tangled, detangled, organised cables were thrown out of the box without any regards, both of the monitors, which somehow (and Kenma could only thank luck given Kuro’s reckless driving) were unharmed and also placed next to each other on the main table. The custom made computer Kenma had been really proud of for a while was starting to get dusty and out of date, and Kenma mentally noted to change some of the parts and definitely deep clean, and it was also placed next to the big set up on the table (there were too many accidents involving power button and accidentally fidgety limbs). Cables, connectors, plugs, keyboard and mouse (one of the 5 he had really, others were not as good as he had hoped), all on the table. The power on. All worked.
Set up, windows, log in, a password Kenma almost regretted making this complicated, but his muscle memory was refusing to accept any other. The familiar background he had changed only last week to one of his mains, and the wif-fi set-up. Wi-fi .
“Kitten, come!” Kuro’s voice was somewhere downstairs in the way Kenma was yet to learn to navigate by sound.
He grabbed the cup he for some reason had put with his electronics instead of the kitchen stuff.
“Here, have some, it will help.” Kuro offered a small bowl with miso soup, a few tofu floating on top of it, along with very green green onions.
“Un.”
Crawling over the masses of boxes and bags and suitcases, they sat on the sofa next to the kitchen, the one Kuro was using these days as a bed - a few pillows and blankets still there, for the kitchen table was too cluttered to clean up.
The sweet and savoury aroma of the soup they slurped was filling, but not heavy. It was warm, the way people describe a welcoming hug or touch, somehow calming down that acid that he didn’t realise his stomach suffered from. It was only now that Kenma realised that they both hadn’t eaten anything today.
Kenme shrugged one of Kuro’s “how are you?”off. He didn’t really know. Head was busy and empty.
“How are you?” he asked when he finished chewing on the tofu.
“I don't know either. So many things are happening, aren’t they?” Kuro did a muffled laugh, looking down between his legs and hands, still cupping the bowl in his hands.
“What is it that is in your head?” never left Kenma’s head as Kuro stood up too soon to let Kenma say anything.
“Well, I think I should get going, there are still so many things I need to bring from our place. Our place? Our flat?” Kuro questioned and raised an eyebrow a little.
“I will come with you.” Kenma nodded and stood up as well with the empty bowl.
“It's okay kitten,” Kuro smiled and cupped Kenma’s face with an empty hand. “It is a long trip and it will be very stressful for both of us, I want at least you to not go through that too much. Plus, I could get more stuff in your place then, and maybe you could unpack a little here. Oki?”
“Un.” Kenma nodded. An uncomfortable feeling churned in his stomach, but not like hunger or thirst. “Come back soon.”
Kuro kissed Kenma briefly on the forehead and left with the keys he apparently never took out of his pocket.
Instead he was left all alone in the house a few moments later, and the sound of the closing door sank him deeper into that hole.
“Step by step, step by step,” he was repeating in his mind each time any thought unsolicitedly entered his brain. “Step by step.” He started cleaning, struggling with the sheer impossibility of movement, but Kuro would need somewhere to unpack.
Piles of boxes, plates and bowls and clothes and utensils and kitchen stuff, wait, fuck, they needed to clean the cupboards first, which meant cleaning agent and a sponge. He started looking for those but nowhere in sight. Another thing to add to the list. Hoping for better results, he went upstairs to check if he had accidentally brought one in his backpack but instead found that his computer was still somehow on (need to shorten sleep time), and rediscovered the problem of Wi-Fi.
Back downstairs with a search for a router, which he did manage to find in one of the delivery boxes. He opened the manual and started connecting the wires, but couldn’t find the plug point in the wall even by the point when Kuro arrived.
“Hey. Do you know where the socket point for this router is? I remember where we had it in our home but I can’t find it anywhere in here.”
“I don’t know.” Kuro entered with three boxes stacked on top of each other in his hand, all of which were immediately “disposed” on the table next to the couch.
“I can't find it anywhere,” Kenma said and held out the cable to Kuro.
“Mmm. Maybe in the living room?”
“No, I checked, and not in either of the rooms, or in the kitchen, or behind the TV.”
“I don’t know, kitten. Errr.“ Kuro took out the phone and googled the item and the instructions. “I don’t think we have anything like that, do we?”
“No.” Kenma replied, his voice getting smaller and quieter.
“Heey, Kenma.” Kuro turned around and took Kenma on his shoulders. “We will deal with it, okay? I will call a professional tomorrow in the morning and they potentially would even be able to deal with it by the end of the day. I don't think it will take too long, oki? You will have wi-fi soon, I promise. Oki?”
“Un,” Kenma nodded, looking down instead of at Kuro, somewhere at his feet, feeling like looking back at him would take too much energy from him. “Un, un, I, yeah.”
Kenma took Kuro’s hand and squeezed it between his.
Kuro nuzzled his nose on top of Kenma’s head, silently whispering concerned “Kitten?”
Kenma pushed his head to Kurpo’s chest, leaning on it a bit.
“I just… there are matches soon and I really need to prepare, and I know I am technically a renowned player and everything, but I still need to know what is going on and how and now I really can’t do anything, and I can’t play here or there because moving everything again will be too much, and there is going to be so much and I just, it’s… everything is so much.”
“Un, I understand. In theory we could go to a cafe and use Wi-Fi there for some video reviews or quick self matches, or use the laptop at the old house?” Kuro was looking around, looking for ideas. Kenma turned his head around, rubbing on Kuro’s chest. “If you wanna, I could move your stuff back and you could play there, though the contract for wifi in the flat will roun out tomorrow or day after. Maybe cellular data?”
“No, no, I just, no…” Kenma shook his head more, he was fidgeting with his hands, “I just, it’s too much, no… Sorry.”
He removed himself from Kuro, fixating his eyes on the floor.
“Un, I understand, it’s oki.” Kuro lowered his voice too, looking down on the floor as well. “I will unpack some more and go to the flat to collect some more boxes.”
“I can come with you.”
“It’s okay, don’t worry. We could do it faster if one of us unpacks and the other collects stuff. Plus I could then fit more in the car, because there’s more space, and you wouldn't be uncomfortable,” Kuro said and turned around to the door, “It’s all oki.”
“Un, oki. I’m sorry.” Kenma whispered the last sentence when Kuro was already in the doorway, not sure if it ever reached the ears of his husband.
He heard the starting of the engine and the tires against asphalt and melted down against the wall all the way to the dirty cluttered floor. Just barely holding himself not to completely fall down, he turned on some music, and fell.
Two hours later, when Kuro arrived, he was balled up against the sofa, asleep.
***
All of his body felt wobbly when he woke up. Through the ringing in the ears he heard Kuro speak on the phone, nervous walking and steps that echoed loudly inside his skull. He did not open his eyes, too much stimuli for that, but instead felt heaviness next to his legs and on his shoulder for a second or two, but then both were gone. The last thing he heard before submerging into sleep again was the closing of the door.
~~~
Kenma took a cleaning agent off a shelf and smelled it through the mask. The intoxicating smell of it almost made him collapse, so he rushed to put it back before that.
He took a few deep inhales and exhales, which realistically didn’t help - that smell leached even through the mask and poisoned his brain. If normally he describes himself as having bees in his head, then now they were all intoxicated and running like manics. His vision blurred a bit. He went out of this isle to compose himself fully and breathed, but now his brain instead was crawling in parasites of his team losing because of him, that because of his miscalculation everybody died in too many matches too many times and they were disqualified way too early and because of that he was not permitted to any further games. He started browsing previous matches to distract those thoughts, and trying to analyse them which was all the more difficult through his rather slow mobile connection.
But the headache persisted and he felt like if he spent any longer in there he would need to crawl home. He just continued his search for something that he could clean the drawers with and not die from the smell.
Only on the third shelf from the start he was able to find something, some spray cleaner which did not stink worse than actual garbage, so he rushed back home with it, sponges and rags with him.
It was around 12pm, so according to the message Kuro had left him in the morning, he has about 2-3 hours before the Wi-Fi company representative would arrive, which hopefully should be enough time to at least declutter the main entrance.
He couldn’t get rid of thoughts that he should have been practising or at least watching previous matches to prepare.
~~~
He started cleaning, wiping out all of the yet empty drawers and shelves where the cutlery and utensils would later go.
Even dusting like this gave him mild hand irritation. He washed it off with good amounts of water and dishwasher - literary one of the only things that did not in fact irritate his skin, so as an additional point he washed away the dishes. Starting off with knifes, forks, spoons and chopsticks, loads of Kuro’s cooking ladles, and scarper things, and other whatnots Kenma was not sure why he needed them, but the fact that it made Kuro happy was a good thing anyway. He put all of those immediately in the drawers because there was not a clean surface on the counters to have them on. Next followed the plates.
Roaming through the boxes he found a kettle that he set to boil while taking a small break. When it boiled, he filled one of the cup noodle sets from the table, probably the one Kuro had left from when he had come here from work at evil late times. He stirred it with the chopsticks he had just washed. Curry was not his favourite noodle flavour, but it would do.
There was a loud knock on the door that made Kenma choke on the noodles he just slurped. He wished he could ignore the door but this time it could actually be the Wi-Fi master, it was about time.
Checking through the peephole was entirely useless so he resorted to blinds and did in fact see a person in the bright red uniform of their provider. He let him through the house and while the master was setting up, he took the router and explained the situation.
The entire encounter took some time and despite closely analysing the router and the wires, he said he didn’t have the correct box because they did not have an outside box, so he could come either later today or tomorrow.
Not wanting to deal with it, Kenma asked for tomorrow, so the master gave a signed note with the situation summarised and left.
Kenma’s stomach grumbled from secreting too much acid to digest food and not having enough food to put it out. With hopes for the best, he got back to the noodles, but when he had one in his mouth he needed to spit it out immediately - it was so soggy he almost threw up. That immediately went into the bin and chopsticks back to sink.
Hungry and guilty for the noodles and wasted time, Kenma continued cleaning. He managed to sort out most of the kitchen utensils and some of the clothes. There were still a lot of other boxes with miscellaneous things and clothes; they did not have a permanent place yet, the thought of trying to organise them now was too big for the amount of energy he had.
Kenma plopped on the sofa. He put his legs up and fished out the phone. He loaded a few of the recent matches - he missed a lot, at least 5 people had streamed and there were no recordings of some of them. At least 2 more were streaming at the moment. Overall, he had 16 hours of matches to catch up to and to strategize. He opened one of the streams but decided against it when the flashing chat to load video screen became too much for him. He instead opened one of the smaller length videos.
Kenma paused the video to let it somewhat load and went to the comments. His eyes scanned some of them, glossing over and looking for any particular keywords and timestamps. Mentally taking a note of some of the moments people were particularly happy to point out, he turned to the video itself. From the character choice it was obvious that the team was random players and not particularly strategizing too, but it still could be interesting to find the antics of the people like that. Skipping to the early start to the location, they were picking up their weapons in a rather popular place. Tough spot without pre-made plans, especially if people were not minding each other. Another team appeared, both were geared about the same. Given that the video lasted for a lot more minutes and they didn’t die yet, Kenma was glossing over potential scenarios of them either running, trying to defend without a gun, or both teams going to nearest weapons.
Video loading.
He paused the video and waited for some time, giving himself time to think about what and how, the best case scenarios and outcomes (of course, killing the enemy and securing the weapons). After some time he pressed play. They went for the weapons, it was a race then. They picked up the weapons, the enemy team managed to get to the same pod thought.
Video loading.
Kenma breathed in, and out, paused for some time again. They couldn’t shoot - no amo, so really useless pick. What else could they do…? He resumed the video, the main person used the close knife attack, really the only logical thing to do. He managed to knock one person from the enemie’s team out but the other player was there and had a healing main, so if he activated it this power it would be futile.
Video loading.
Kenma waited again.
Video loading.
Video loading.
Video loading.
Kenma slapped the phone on the sofa next to him. He was heavily breathing, trying to calm himself down. The lights from the hallway made his growing headache even worse. He balled up and leaned against the side of the sofa.
“I’m home!” Muffled sounds somewhere from halfway. “Hey, kitten, are you okay?” A whisper Kenma heard somewhere right next to him, not too far away from his head.
He squeezed out a short “un” out of himself. He felt Kuro remove his phone from him and heard some movement around, too.
“Hey, would you like your clicker or tangles?”
He shook his head a little and after a quiet “oki, they are on the table if anything”, he heard more steps behind and towards the kitchen.
“Thank you for doing the kitchen.” Rumbling and pots and pieces and metal objects and crackling of hot oil.
The sounds and the smells made Kenma feel more present, and he always liked his husband's cooking. So much so that he stopped rocking - he didn’t even realise he was doing it up until right now. Feeling more able to move, he straightened a little and took the closest cat toy that was on the table - the heavy calico cat, Kuro’s one, part of the set of two they had gotten each other on one particularly difficult winter when they were shopping together for gifts for their friends. They had stumbled upon them by accident, Kuro had kept teasing that it looked like Kenma and would not have stopped hugging it so Kenma had taken a revenge and gone on hugging a similar black one instead of Kuro. The latter was had been about that for a long time before pecking Kenma’s forehead and getting both of them, as their presents (Kenma had later added a little bit of tangerine scent to it, something that was heavily grounding for him, reminding him that he was here and alive).
Kenma balled up around the toy, hugging it and pressing it into his body.
He heard swearing from the other room.
“Are you okay?” Kenma raised his head to better convey his voice.
“Ah, yeah, I just burned some omelette, don’t worry! It’s okay, it's all okay…” The shout from the other room got quieter over the last sentence, and then some more metallic sounds and rustling of the plastic bag in the bin. It was followed by sounds of water and pot, some more movement and then Kenma felt Kuro plop right next to him.
“Are you okay?” Kenma straightened up a little, letting his legs down.
“Yeah, I just burned some food, eggs were almost fully burned while other parts barely cooked properly, and it all tore and stuck to the frying pan. It’s okay though, I put some eggs and veggies on boiling and I can just make some veggie miso with boiled egg, it's all good.” Kuro half-turned to Kenma. “How was your day? Did the Wi-Fi person come?”
“Un. He said he didn’t have all of the parts so I asked him to come back tomorrow instead of today.”
“It will be one less day of Wi-Fi for you then, and more people coming and going to our house.”
“Un.” Kenma nodded a little. Kuro had a concerned face and started fidgeting around in place. He took a fidget spinner and rolled it a few times, staring at it. The intense stare, even though it was not directed at him, was making Kenma feel like it was supposed to be, and despite Kuro not doing anything, he had wasted their day and money, and that he should have done more - cleaned more, organised more, practised more at the bare minimum.
Kenma started playing with his hands.
“But being here without matches stressed you out a lot. It could have been better to do it over one tiring day than turn it into a tiring week, because then you definitely wouldn’t have time to run.” Kuro was fidgeting with his leg up and down.
“I know.”
“Then why would you cause yourself more stress?”
“I don’t… I don’t know.”
“Wha, how, I just, I don't understand why would you want to make yourself more stressed.” Kuro rapidly put the spinner on the table and clenched his fists a few times.
“I don’t know.” Kenma was whispering and balling up again, as much as he could without lifting his legs.
“Then why would you stop him from coming today! You could have asked him to come later, then by that time I would have come and met him and dealt with it, and you would be able to rest tomorrow.”
Kenma shrugged.
“Then why didn’t you do this!” Kuro turned around to look at Kenma again, furrowing his eyebrows and still clenching his fists.
“The eggs are boiling.”
“What?” Kuro deadpanned, immediately looking at all of his expression and tension and in the middle of Kenma repeating the sentence he sprung into running, shouting, “Oh shit! Fuck! They probably overboiled at this point!”
From the other room Kenm heard a few more “No! Fuck! Aaah!”, and some more sounds of water being turned on and the sounds of cracking.
The water dripped even after the tap was closed. First fast and then a few droplets were landing on water.
Plink.
Plink.
Plink.
“I -” He heard a muffled sound next to him, shaking him up a little and making him blink a few times to reduce the dryness in his eyes. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pressed, you do things in your own rhythm, and it’s good. I-”
Kenma looked at Kuro. Kuro, who was normally overflowing with (albeit fake) confidence and the seemingly never-dying power, was instead balled up, his head on his hands. Kenma saw his lips tremble, and the pathetic attempt to hide it by biting his lip.
Kenma wanted to call out and say something, but no words could come to mind and escape from his lungs. So instead he pushed the plushie, the cat, to Kuro and bumped its nose against his husband’s leg.
Kuro opened his eyes on the kitten. He stared at it for a little, turned his whole body and gently took the heavy toy, and then tightly hugged it, burying his face in it.
"Thank you." Kenma barely heard the whisper through the toy. "It smells like you."
“I -” Kuro moved his head away from the toy, just enough to be more audible. “Sorry. I just. I-“
Kenma felt Kuro’s voice shaking, and his eyes becoming more and more watery.
“I do so many stupid things, Kenma. I,” Kuro deeply and hastily breathed in, “I never want to stress you out or hurt you in any way.”
Kuro’s voice cracked as he said it and the tears started falling down his face.
“I. At work, we recently had a management change for our team and they decided that all of the work we did so far was a piece of shit and we needed to redo the entire thing, and all of what we, all of the hard work that everybody did needed to go to trash. Some people retired, the rest of us were working more hours and I was working less than everybody, but even then I couldn’t come to see you. We all complained to the higher ups and we don’t know what is going to happen. Today was my last straw and I said that if nothing changed by the start of next week, I will go, too, but then us moving here would be pointless because I might still need to change places for my work, and I don’t want to.”
Kuro sobbed and breathed rapidly. He tried to rub off the tears but they were appearing so fast he could not dry his face. “I just don’t want to do that to you, you have been under so much stress, I was forcing you to move during a really important time for you, and I don't want to make you move even more. You liked this place so much, it is so much better than everything we ever saw and I don’t know if we would be able to get another place just like this. It’s so much. And now I can’t even cook us some nice meal because the fucking coating of the non-stick pan is no longer non-stick and nothing works. And I wasn’t able to see you as often as I should have done, I want to see more of you, but I wasn’t able because of my stupid things and now I am stressing you out and I don’t want to, I never wanted to stress you, or hurt you, but I do, I always unintentionally do, I -”
Kuro started crying harder and gibbering, and using both of his hands to dry his eyes with the mini Kenma cat on his lap.
Kenma, with shaky hands, reached out and held Kuro’s shoulder. He looked at the hand and nuzzled into it, calming his breathing and not moving his hands so much anymore. Kuro looked at his husband.
“Oh no, sorry, kitten, no no no…” He stood up, putting the toy next to the box, searching in it for something, then going to the one next to it and then moving to the gym bag with their fidget toys. After going back and forth a few times and a single “A-ha!”, he gave Kenma his weighted toy, his little cat-Kuro, as he liked to call him, and put a weighted blanket on both of them.
Kenma enclosed himself in the heavy bubble of the blanket and the toy, the smell of tangerines felt soft on his skin and wrapped him in another layer and was comforting, both giving him a shelter from the hurt and mean outside world and from himself. It was like gathering up and compressing all of those negative thoughts and heavy, difficult thoughts and feelings that he had scattered all over his body, poisoning him from the inside without him even realising. It was so much of it he could feel himself becoming it, becoming the thoughts that consume him without being able to filter out because they were him. And now, that they were piling up and gathering and clashing all together from within, he felt how much it was weighing him down, worse than the blankets. It felt like he could no longer contain it.
“I am really sorry, Kenma. I will try to do better and be a better husband.” Kenma blinked his eyes from being distant, he saw Kuro bow his head towards him, with the eyes squeezed shut.
Kenma bumped his head to Kuro’s and nuzzled.
“It’s oki. I understand, things happen. I know you didn’t mean to say things and distance yourself, I-” Kenma bit his lip.
He felt warmth against his cheek and nuzzled against it. Kuro cupped his face and Kenma let himself sink into it. He was shaking a little, his limbs felt so weak and barely able to hold him even when sitting.
“You felt so distant recently. I know it's just my thoughts, but there were so many of them recently. I have a championship soon and I was not able to practise, or help with moving properly, and I have so many thoughts that I am a failure, that I am wasting my time and should be practising or doing something more, that I am wasting your time. I have so many of them right now that I am afraid that I might need to get antidepressants again. I don't wanna. I… They killed so much of me. They almost killed us, I almost lost you in my life and I feel like I might be losing you again, I feel like I might lose you. I don’t want that!” Kenma nuzzled into Kuro’s hands, as a heavy river of tears fell from his eyes, making his entire face wet. “I don’t want that…”
Kenma whispered the last sentence, silently sobbing, holding Kuro’s hand and trying to hide his own face.
“Kitten…” Kuro stretched the half whisper with so much affection it felt warmer than the actual blanket. “It wouldn’t happen, kitten, I promise it wouldn’t.”
Kenma felt the hands on his cheek squeeze him a little, and also felt a droplet fall on his hands. He opened his hands a little to Kuro’s face, who also was ugly crying right in front of him.
“It’s scary.”
“It is, I know it is, but it will be okay. We went through so much already. We went through sertraline, it hit you so bad, remember? But even then we managed. After that there were at least two other antidepressants you tried, and maybe they weren’t the same, but we still managed. We can find a better one, there are things which help, it will be okay. I am not going to go away from you, kitten. I love you so so much.”
“Promise?”
“Un, I promise you. I love you.” Kuro held out a pinky, the hand where they had their rings - black with the red string of fate that brought and kept them together for so long.
“Un. I love you, too.” Kenma nodded while still touching foreheads and held out his hand too. They squeezed their pinkies together, the rings making a small “click”.
Kenma nuzzled Kuro's face and the other responded. It made them touch their noses so they were softly nuzzling against each other’s noses, wet from both crying so much.
“We are such a mess.” Kenma smiled a little after getting his nose decently wet.
“We are.” Kuro smiled back, and leaned out to brush his nose. “My nose is so wet it makes me want to sneeze.”
“Don’t you dare sneeze on me.” Kenma leaned back too and rested on the sofa bed, facing Kuro and smiling.
“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Kuro made a funny face trying to itch his nose without touching it, but then also leaned back, also facing Kenma. He took his hand and squeezed it a little. “I am so sorry for being distant, Kenma. I never intended to do so, and I never want to be so distant from you, never was and never will be. I promise I will try to show it more. Afterall, I chose you as my life partner.”
Kuro squeezed Kenma’s hand with his, pressing just a little bit more with the ring finger.
Kenma leaned back his head, shaking it a little. “You are so cheesy.”
Kuro squinted and smiled. “Only because I love you so much”
“Cheesy” Kenma squinted too, smiling back.
Kuro leaned a little bit forward, trying to wipe his face from tears and miserably failing to do so.
“We are a mess.”
“Then you are a cheesy mess, aren’t you?” Kenma said with a grin.
“Technically I could be a mac and cheese then! It's cheese, messy, and delicious.”
“Are you implying that you are delicious?”
Kuroo wiggled an eyebrow at Kenma.
“I don't know you tell me”
“Oh no.” Kenma slapped his forehead and shook his head, still smiling a little. “I shouldn't have asked.”
They both laugh at this.
Kenma turned around to face Kuro more, happy, and comfortable. Kuro did the same, he leaned towards Kenma and for a really long time gently kissed Kenma’s forehead, the same way he had done for the very first time. They kissed in a smile, squeezing each other’s hand.
For the first time in a while, Kenma felt at home.