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"I'm bored," Taichi said for what felt like the fifth time into the trip.
"We know," Itaru said, not looking up from his phone.
"I'm bored!"
"Banri," Kazunari called over his shoulder. "Taichi says he's bored."
"Okay? What am I supposed to do about that."
Kazunari craned his neck to gawk at the one sitting behind him. "You always have something fun to talk about!"
"Fine. Just give me a second to think of something," Banri said glumly, staring out the window. He pursed his lips and then nodded. He turned back to the rest of them. "Alright. Here. If you were on a deserted island with only Kazunari and a male northern white rhinoceros, which would you consider to be more morally damning to eat? Kazunari or the rhino."
Silence.
"Banri, what the hell?" Tsuzuru asked with scorn.
"You're not answering the question."
"Why me?!" Kazunari whined.
"I dunno, dude, I think you'd probably taste the best out of all of us."
Kazunari gasped. "Wait, awww, really? Do you promise?"
Tsuzuru elbowed him, looking incredulous. "Why are you taking that as a compliment?"
"Like, Sakyo's probably fucking bony as hell and only gristle," Banri went on to say, "I'm pretty sure eating Itaru or Hisoka would kill you on the spot, and the rest of us, eh. Kazunari probably would taste the best."
"Why would eating me kill someone on the spot?" Itaru muttered under his breath.
Hisoka cracked open one eye. "That's fair."
"Have you really thought this in depth about cannibalizing the rest of the company?" Taichi asked.
"Oh, what, so we're puritans now? Just answer the question, all of you."
"How is this even a question?" Omi asked, pained. "Of course the rhino."
"Really?" Banri said, much too quickly as though he'd been waiting for the reply. "Really? You think the rhino would be the better choice? There are only two known northern white rhinos left in the entire world, both female. The species is functionally extinct because of this. You eat that male rhino you discovered on the deserted island instead of Kazunari and you're damning the species with your own hand and goddamn gluttony. You would carry the burden of making a species extinct on your shoulders. The entire future of an entire species will have their blood smeared on your fucking palms, you monster. You know how many humans there are? Let's count, just the ones in the van. One, two, three—yup, fucking over it, already more than the rhinos. Are you prepared to make a goddamn rhino sandwich knowing that?"
Silence, again.
"I wouldn't want to commit cannibalism though," Omi muttered, quieter this time.
"Man, the most forbidden flavor of all," Masumi mused as he started scrolling through his playlist. "At least, until this conversation happened anyway."
"Hey, guys?" Izumi said.
They stopped. "Yeah, Director?"
"Love the creativity. Don't love having this conversation en route to my uncle's funeral."
"Oh. Sorry, Director."
"That's okay. Banri, could you think of another hypothetical for us?"
Banri slouched in his chair and thought. He perked up soon enough. "Okay, so you wake up in a room with no windows or doors, and the only other people there are Mother Teresa, Sylvia Plath, Jesus Christ, and Mark Zuckerberg. There's a loaded gun beneath—"
"Banri—"