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The gates of Erebor loomed before the caravan; jade gates shining proudly in the light of the midday sun. My steps faltered as I stared at it; a mixture of awe and sadness swirling around inside of me; the sadness gnawing away at my heart like one of the were-worms that had brought destruction upon this valley.
“I know how you feel, Lors.” The dark-haired dame walking beside me murmured as she gazed upon the kingdom her brother and sons had died defending. Melancholy wrote itself across her aquiline features; blue eyes taking on a faraway look. “It is very bittersweet, is it not?”
I nodded silently, gently shifting my grip on the chubby baby that was cradled in my arms. I suddenly found my eyes burning and I blinked rapidly to ward off any potential tears.
I just needed to be strong for a little while longer.
A soft coo distracted me from my internal musings, and I looked down into the brown eyes that were so much like his father’s. As my infant son caught sight of my face, a smile began to bloom on his round cheeks. He let out a giggle that had me smiling morosely.
A gentle hand landed on my shoulder. “He reminds more and more of Kili every day, you know? It’s that smile of his, I guess. Makes me think of him.” A rough voice broke the air and I turned my head to look at the burly Dwarrow that walked beside me, his brown eyes brimming with a look I had seen all too often the last few months.
Compassion, pity, whatever you wanted to call it. I didn’t want it. It only made the hurt cut deeper.
“I’m proud of you,” Zirak hesitated, “we all are. It takes a lot to keep going when there doesn’t seem to be anything to live for.” His darkly bearded face began to take on a reddish tinge. “I just wanted to let you know before we go in Erebor. You’re a strong lass, ‘nana.”
“Thank you, Zirak.” I whispered, forcing a smile for my brother.
He had become an unlikely confidante during the long weeks that stretched on after that dark day where my world had crumbled to pieces around me.
I had never known that brothers actually had a use other than endless teasing until that point.
Horns began to blow to announce our arrival as we reached the great gates. It was the sort of pomp and ceremony that I had come to expect from Durin’s Folk.
If there was anything I had learned while I had befriended, courted, and married Kili, it was that Durin’s loved a good party.
Preferably with lots of ale or wine involved.
At the thought, I felt the all too familiar sinking feeling in my stomach, and my steps faltered again.
Dís reached out her hand to place it on my shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze as she gave me a forced smile. “Together,” she murmured the all-to-familiar phrase, and I nodded.
“Together.”
And we walked side-by-side through the gates that opened before us. But the sight that greeted us was one I never had expected; had never even thought I would see again.
“By Mahal’s blessed beard!” Dís breathed, stopping in her tracks; hands fluttering up to cover her mouth. “My eyes are deceived.”
But I saw the same thing. Grief could not blind two people in the same way.
Against all hope or wild dream, Thorin Oakenshield stood before us, his shoulders cloaked in a black pelt and his dark locks adorned with a golden crown. A richly dressed dame stood beside him, an apprehensive expression on her face.
“Sister,” he called, but Dís didn’t move from beside me.
“No, it cannot be. The messenger said…” She shook her head, eyes brimming with tears. “Brother?”
The words came out as a shaking plea.
“Dís.” Thorin called again, which was all that his sister needed. She bolted away from me to throw her arms around her brother.
“Oakenshield, you filthy swine, I’m going to beat your—”
I turned my attention away from the emotional reunion, fighting off my own tears. For a moment, when I had seen Thorin, a brief spark of hope had ignited within me. Hope that maybe Kili was still alive.
But then reality took over and the little voice in my head whispered that he would have caught me up the instant I walked into Erebor. He had always been very public in his affections, and I would have thought even more so since we hadn’t laid eyes on each other for over eight months.
Unless, he didn’t recognize me anymore? The Lorelei he had left behind hadn’t yet bore children, and I knew for a fact that my figure wasn’t the same one it had been before my pregnancy had become obvious.
No, surely I wasn’t that different that Kili couldn’t recognize me. Was I?
The thought thrummed painfully in my mind.
The only option left was that Thorin was the only survivor. All that I would see of the Dwarrow I had loved so deeply would be a slab of marble engraved with his likeness.
Absently, my gaze swept through the crowd of people that had slowly begun to trickle into the corridor where our caravan stood. I could see Zirak pushing his way towards me, and I began to make my way towards him, feeling oh-so-very tired.
“Lory?”
For the second time that day, I stopped dead, wrestling with the urge to turn around. The voice was excruciatingly familiar.
Pulling in a trembling breath, I turned slowly, my gaze falling upon the disheveled features of one hesitantly smiling dwarf Prince.
“Hey love.” Kili’s smile faded slightly as I remained rooted to the floor. He raised a hand to rub the back of his neck—one of his nervous gestures I had grown familiar with. “It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?”
How was one supposed to respond when someone appeared from the dead? I continued to watch him in wide-eyed silence as he limped towards me.
Kili’s agitation grew as he stopped in front of me; brown eyes searching my face worriedly. “Lory, can you please say something? I’m sorry that—” He paused all of a sudden, gaze dropping to the babe in my arms as the child cooed at him. “Lory?”
Mahal, fear was a heart-wrenching tone for Kili to possess.
As was the way his brown eyes hardened with betrayal as he took a step back from me.
That utterly wretched, broken voice was the key to me finding mine.
“No, Kili, I can explain,” I blurted, stepping forward to reclaim the distance Kili had put between us. “It’s not what you think.”
“How?”
I managed a quivering smile. “He’s your son, Kili.”
Now it was Kili’s turn to stare at me with wide eyes. “My son?” He whispered hoarsely, and I nodded fervently.
“Yes, Kili.”
Kili looked down at the burbling child with wonder-filled eyes. “My son…” He repeated softly, and I chuckled.
“Uh huh.”
“Lorelei,” Zirak’s voice broke through the bubble that had formed around me and Kili, and I twisted my head to look at him. My brother was staring at Kili with a raised brow. “You alright?”
I nodded. “Aye, Zirak. Do you mind holding Ami for a moment?” I asked, and he only shook his head with a good-natured sigh.
“Nay, Lor.” He held out his arms for his little nephew.
Once my arms were free, I turned to Kili, biting my lip as it began to tremble. The world shattered around me as I bit back a sob.
A curse be upon my unruly hormones.
“Love—” I cut Kili off as I flung myself at him. He let out a soft hiss of pain, and I drew back to look at him.
“Kili—”
“Just, go easy on me, yeah?” He forced a tight grin. “I technically haven’t officially been released from the Healer’s yet.”
My mouth fell open in an affronted gasp. “KILI—”
But the headstrong dwarrow had his heart set on never letting me finish a sentence, as he proceeded to shut me up in the best way he knew.
Chapped lips met mine in an embrace that carried with it the weight of heartbreak and longing. Of long nights spent looking up at the stars in an attempt to feel closer to someone who was half the world away.
Slowly, Kili drew away from me, wearing his trademark smirk that only minutes ago, I would have sold my soul to see. “I missed you.” He whispered, stroking the swell of my cheek with his thumb.
“Me too.” My words had Kili’s grin spreading. “But I still have one question for you.”
“Fire away, love.”
“WHY IN THE BLOODY WORLD DIDN’T YOU THINK TO TELL YOUR WIFE THAT YOU WERE OKAY?!” I shrieked, and Kili flinched. “I SPENT FOUR WHOLE MONTHS—MONTHS, KILI!—THINKING YOU WERE DEAD.”
“Love, I can explain…”
“Oh, you better be able to, Kili Viliul.” I hissed as Kili cowered before the sight of my rage. “You better. Now, march yourself back to the healer’s before I do something I regret.”
Kili hesitated for a moment, but I set my hands on my hips and shot him a glare that sent him scurrying away.
Rolling my eyes, I turned to Zirak. He and the rest of the people in the corridor stared at me in shocked silence.
“It is good to see you haven’t changed a bit, Lorelei.” Thorin’s baritone rumbled as he limped towards me—seriously, what was it with the Durin’s and limping?—the unknown dame on his right and Dís on his left.
“My king,” I curtsied before him, but he waved the gesture aside.
“Lorelei, I could have sworn that we had a conversation about this before,” he teased. I had to resist the urge to fake a faint at his unusual jovialness. I couldn’t remember the last time Thorin had teased anybody about anything.
“Yes, but you were not yet crowned King yet.” I protested, but Thorin shook his head.
“You are royalty in your own right, Lorelei.”
Seeing that the conversation was closed, I turned my attention to the raven-haired dame who stood by his side. “Thorin, I don’t believe I have met your…” I searched for the right word, “friend here.”
Thorin looked over at the dame, wearing the biggest smile I had even seen upon his normally sullen features. Honestly, I was beginning to wonder if he was still wounded at this point.
“Yes, Thorin, you haven’t introduced me yet.” Dís added, shooting the dame a hard look.
“I was getting there, Sister. Patience.”
Dís snorted.
Ignoring her, Thorin wrapped an arm around the dame’s waist. “Sister, Lorelei, I would like you to meet Estel, my wife.”
At that moment, I witnessed an anomaly of nature. A sight never seen before in all the long years of Arda.
Dís was rendered speechless.