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~This is gospel for the fallen ones, locked away in permanent slumber~
I watched in dread as lightning arched across the sky and thunder boomed overhead. I knew something terrible had happened. Call it hunters instinct. Without a second thought I raced towards the fancy hotel, pushing through the doors without slowing down. I sped down the hallway and burst into the dining room. My heart climbed into my throat the instant I set my eyes on the sight before me.
~Assembling their philosophies from peices of broken memories~
He was so pale, blood seeping from the wound in his chest. It did not look bad but I knew that it was anything but. Lucifer stood over his brothers dying body and I could see the pain in his eyes. In that insant I knew this was just as painful for him as it was for me. I knew we shared the searing ache in our hearts. With a flutter of wings the fallen archangel was gone.
~The gnashing teeth and criminal tounges conspire against the odds, but they haven't seen the best of us yet~
I broke out of my pained daze and fell to my knees next to the whisky eyed archangels quickly cooling body. "Hey" I choked out, pressing my palm to his cheek. His eyes fluttered open and with effort he locked them onto mine. "Hey... hey sugar" he whispered, even on his death bed a smile twitched at the corner of his mouth. I felt a hot tear slid down my cheek but I ignored it, instead smiling myself. It was a sad, broken smile. "You're gunna be okay. I'm gunna patch you up...good as new" I assured, patting his cheek. With great effort he nuzzled into my hand, closing his eyes. "You and I both... both know that isn't... isn't happening" he stuttered, his voice quiet. "Just... just let me... let me go".
~If you love me let me go! If you love me let me go! Cause these words are knives and often leave scars~
Hearing his voice so soft, so defeated broke my restraint and the tears flowed freely down my face. "I can't... I can't let go" I sobbed, gripping his green jacket with all my might. He let out a stuttering breath and opened his now dull eyes. "You have to. You... need... peace" his eyes flashed for a moment as if they where fighting for me to understand.
~The fear of falling apart. Truth be told I never was yours. The fear, the fear of falling apart~
"I can't Gabe. You where never mine. I never... I could never tell you that..." I paused taking in a deep, stuttering breath. "That I loved you". I felt his breathing cease for a moment and fear blossemed in my chest. It eased slightly when he sucked in another slow breath. "I... I love you too. I had to... to protect you...from him" he explained and my heart broke. I felt my whole world fall apart. Fall apart and tumble into the abyss where all my emotions went, never to be dealt with.
~This is gospel for the vagabonds, naturals and insuferable bastards. Confessing their apostasies, led away by perfect imposters~
"I didn't think I needed you as much as I do" I sobbed and saw his lips twitch in another smile. "Good to know you'll... miss me suagr" he teased and it made me laugh softly. I hated this. I finaly told him. Told him what I wanted to for so long. It took me untill he was dying for me to do it. I'm a hunter! I'm supposed to be brave, be strong. I wasn't going to just roll over and let this end. I was going to fight!
~Don't try to sleep through the end of the world, bury me alive. Cause I won't giving up without a fight!~
"No! I'm not letting you die! Not now, not ever"I yelled and began shifting him in an attempt to sit him up. I felt him let out his breath under my hand in what was his best at a sigh. "If you love me... let me go".
~If you love me let me go! If you love me let me go! Cause these words are knives and often leave scars~
I let out a pained whine and lowered my head to nuzzle against his cold face. "I don't want to let you go. I never got a chance. It's not far". "Life's not... not fair hon" he whispered sadly and I knew he was close. He was going to die and he wanted me to sit here and watch.
~The fear of falling apart! Truth be told I never was yours. The fear, the fear of falling apart~
His heart beat began to slow and my breath caught. "No please! Please don't leave me" I cried, tears now streaming down my face uncontrolably. "I need you! I can't... I can't live without you". I had never admitted that. Not to my parents. Not even to my brothers. No I admitted it to a dying archangel. One who loves me and I love in return. Now I understand what Castiel meant. Like being chained to a comet. My comet had exploded and burnt me in it's wake. With a final breath his body froze and I let out a wail that embodied that pain I felt welling inside me. My comet was gone.
~The fear of falling apart~