Chapter Text
Childe was used to playing different roles on the board game called life.
In the beginning, his role was to play the innocent son of his parents. Eyes bright like uncut noctilucous jade, wearing smiles as radiant as the sun with dreams bigger than life itself.
Then at 14, he fell into the Abyss. His role changed then and there. He stopped becoming the spoiled son he was and grew into a new role— a survivor.
Was it three days? Three months? It didn’t matter how long it was because he came out of that place a completely different person from who he was before.
That scared his parents, he was sure of it. He doesn’t blame them for that. Even he knows that the person who crawled out of that wretched, infernal hell was no longer their beloved Ajax, just someone wearing the same face. In the end, he wasn’t surprised when his own father carted him off to the Fatui.
Not one to enjoy stagnation, he made it his mission to make his way up the ranks. When he set his mind to that goal, his role evolved yet again. From a survivor of the Abyss, he took up the role of a fierce warrior with a thirst for battle.
Regardless of how strong or weak they were compared to him, he fought everyone who came his way. No matter how much weaker he was than his opponent, he still accepted the challenges with his teeth bared and his sword clutched in his hands because he wasn't weak. The Abyss made sure to pluck the fear and frailty out of him, just as they had done with his eyes.
His entire existence for four years was devoted to steadily moving up the Fatui’s militaristic hierarchy. He gave everything he had to reach his objective, sweating and bleeding just to get stronger. Gaining the attention of their archon was a bonus, as was the job that was offered to him.
At age 18, he was inducted into the ranks as Tartaglia, 11th Harbinger– the Tsaritsa’s Vanguard.
Childe grew into his role as Tartaglia, honing his skills and putting it to use by accomplishing the tasks delegated to him by his archon.
After playing the same game for years on end, he gradually became accustomed to taking on the many roles that were assigned to him. It contained nothing novel. Every part he played followed a similar script. Follow your instructions and cause chaos wherever he is.
Playing the fool wasn’t a role he expected though.
The arrival of Signora in Liyue felt like the unveiling of a masked villain at the end of a theater play and he was the only one in the crowd who was caught by surprise.
The realization came in three parts: denial, realization and then cold numbness.
He thought the Abyss completely took away his ability to shed tears but that was quickly disproved in that moment.
His eyes followed Zhongli, no, Morax as he walked towards Signora. He watched with bated breath as he gently placed his gnosis in her hand, a content look on his face. Then the 8th Harbinger turned to where he stood, a mocking smile on her red lips. He could already hear her saying, “ Itty bitty Ajax played yet again.”
Everything was fuzzy. He could barely hear a single thing. He knew the Traveler and Paimon were right beside him. He could feel the Traveler’s warm hand on his shoulder, their face blurry from the tears flooding his eyes.
Before he knew it, he was running.
The people scattered around the harbor looked at him in various shades of contempt and anger, some looked at him in concern as he sped through them. He knows they hate him for what he’s done. He would feel the same if someone unleashed a god that could’ve drowned his homeland.
As he ran, he forced himself to confront every part of himself and get a semblance of understanding over what just happened. He flitted through his personas, thoughts swirling like anemo in his mind.
First off, Ajax. Ajax was a frail kid who could hardly hold a sword, much less cross the Abyss without sobbing. He was overly sensitive, pathetic. Ajax perished down there alongside every thing he killed with his dull blade.
Tartaglia was the epitome of all his negative qualities. brutal, cruel, and bloodthirsty. He acquired all of this as he grew, and he casually wore it as a part of himself. It was already integrated into his very system, welded into him by years of training.
Childe? Childe was a total fraud. Childe was a persona he put on for the public. A diluted version of himself designed to be friendlier and more charismatic. Childe was just as ruthless and ready to fight as the rest of him, but he was also more controlled and responsible. Childe was, in a sense, a paradox of his very being.
To his family, he was Ajax. To the Fatui, he was Tartaglia. To everyone else, he was Childe.
To Zhongli? He was a little bit of everything. He saw through all his qualities– good and bad and he never batted an eyelash. Even in Childe’s cruelest moments, Zhongli merely offered him a gentle smile and an offer for dinner at Wanmin before talking his ear off about a random topic he shouldn’t be interested in but still kept an ear open to listen just for the sake of hearing the timbre of the other man’s voice.
The longer he ran, the more he felt self loathing fill him up like tea Zhongli loves so much, the lines between all his different personas merging.
Everything around him went by in a blur with every step he took. The gorgeous scenery he slowly grew accustomed to was reduced to nothing but a mess of kaleidoscopic colors; hilichurl outposts, groups of slime and ruin guards going completely ignored.
He continued to run until his legs felt like mint jelly and his lungs burned with each breath. He jogged and walked when he was unable to run any longer, but he never stopped. He was unable to stop and was unwilling to do so until he was far from Zhongli.
He was a long way from Liyue, he noted. The mountains around him weren’t as steep and were greener, the winds crisper and refreshing.
He dropped his body onto the grass and noticed that the skies were already dark, stars sprayed all over it like paint on canvas.
Childe took deep breaths as he laid on the grassy fields, watching the stars peacefully. For a second, it felt like time stopped and there was nothing in the cosmos but him, Ajax.
The second went by and he was thrown back to his reality filled with monstrous creatures and manipulative gods, a reality where your choices are to follow orders and risk the lives of innocents or get killed, where getting played for a fool by a man you love is the norm.
A brother, a killer, a soldier— Childe was many things— loyal, insecure, a little naive but he was not stupid . He knows he harbors feelings for the funeral consultant and former Geo archon.
He had trouble understanding his own emotions and thoughts, and he frequently took his time to digest and understand them before acting on them. When he finally realized he was already in love with Zhongli, he wasn't shocked, so perhaps there was already a part of himself expecting to fall for the other.
There was no bout of spontaneous realization, no hysterical screaming and certainly no hesitation before he accepted his fate. He just took a deep breath and smiled a smile reserved for him and Zhongli only.
He was supposed to confess his feelings at some point but then the debacle with the Traveler, the Exuvia, Osial and Signora came one after the other.
The thought of Zhongli's visage alone caused his heart to tighten in anguish.
Like Tartaglia and Ajax, he preferred to view Rex Lapis and Zhongli as two distinct personalities.
The millennia-old Geo archon Rex Lapis would manipulate him like a puppet on a string. Zhongli, the consultant at Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, wouldn't do that.
Zhongli was understanding, forgiving, forgetful, and simple to love. He would never inflict such harm on Childe.
Ajax did, however, include a little amount of Tartaglia, and vice versa. Who's to say that Zhongli didn't contain fragments of Morax?
He shook his head and furiously wiped his eyes, refusing to cry over him. He doesn’t want to waste his tears on him. He hasn’t cried in 7 years, why now? Not even the worst of the Abyssal horrors he’s fought made him cry like this.
The logical part of himself jolted him out of his crying session though. He had to find somewhere to stay for the night, then he could continue his pity party.
The longer he walked around the unfamiliar terrain, the more he realized this was actually Mondstadt.
The mountains looked a lot like the ones he sees in Teucer’s picture books. He also spotted cecilias and calla lilies, both flowers native to the Anemo archon’s lands.
Archons, he prayed Barbatos wasn’t some sort of hardass cause he was not in the mood to get kicked out of the city when all he wanted was a bed and maybe a bottle of firewater or that ever popular dandelion wine.
Then he remembered a certain redhead wine connoisseur that lived somewhere in Mond. Maybe he could go say hi and ask him for a fight to relieve stress.
With that in mind, he continued his trek down the dirt track.
He spotted the walls of Mondstadt, lamps lighting up the streets in a soft glow. It wasn’t as big as Liyue but it felt more homey, kind and free.
“Excuse me, mind pointing me to the Angel’s Share?” He asked a bystander. Said bystander pointed him to the tavern with a warm smile.
Childe gave his thanks and followed their instructions. He pushed the door open and a small smirk appeared on his lips upon gazing at the familiar redhead.
“One bottle of firewater please, my good sir.” He said, taking a seat at the counter. The sound of glass shattering echoed in the tavern, everyone’s eyes flitting over to look at them.
Diluc looked at Childe with a look that went from confusion to exasperation with a hint of concern. “What the hell are you doing in Mondstadt?”
Childe waved his hand carelessly, the other propping his cheek up. “I was nearby.”
“You look like you took a romp in the dirt. Am I supposed to believe that you were just nearby?”
“You're not supposed to but you will.”
“You’re a Harbinger,” Gasps could be heard from the eavesdroppers. “I’m on your archon’s blacklist. Isn’t this considered treason, Fatui scum?”
“Archons, you’re as uptight as ever. What happened to calling me Ajax after I saved your sorry ass from death after you got dunked in a lake while fighting a pyroslinger bracer without a vision?” Childe snorted. “Besides, I’m not here as a Harbinger. I’m here as a customer looking for a bottle of alcohol. Is this not the best tavern in all of Teyvat?” Childe was laying it on a bit thick but he’s always been a smooth talker. This wasn’t the most he could schmooze.
“Barbatos, help me.” Diluc sighed. He ducked under the counter and pulled out a bottle of his best fire water. He set the bottle in front of the ginger and placed a shot glass beside it.
“Thank you, Master Diluc! May Mor-” Childe stopped himself. He wasn’t supposed to think of Morax. He opened the bottle and took a shot. “Damn, that really hits the spot.”
“Huh. Master Diluc, do you actually have a friend? A hot one at that!”
Childe turned, only to be greeted by a gorgeous man with blue hair. “My, are all the people in Mondstadt this good looking? I’m tempted to change assignments.”
The man laughed and took the seat next to him. “You’re not so bad looking yourself. I’m Kaeya Alberich.”
“I’m Childe. Based on Diluc’s stories, you must be the brother then?”
Kaeya’s exposed eye glinted under the light. “Oho? Master Diluc tells stories about lil old me?”
Diluc sighed for the nth time that night. “When I met this menace, I vowed I would never allow the two of you to meet. Why must fate be cruel to me?” He muttered under his breath however the pair heard it and laughed at his expense.
“Don’t worry Diluc. I’m really not here to cause any fuss. I wasn’t even expecting to get this far on foot.” Childe said softly before downing another shot, the burning sensation traveling down his throat and settling in his stomach.
“Where did you come from?” Kaeya asked.
“... Liyue Harbor.”
“Holy fucking shit, that’s like a ways away. How the fuck did you do that?” Kaeya blurted. Even Diluc was surprised but he was more subtle with it.
“To be honest, I don’t know either.” He admitted. “I just really had to get away.”
“Understandable.” Kaeya shrugged. “When you gotta go, you gotta go.”
“Yeah.” Childe downed another shot.
“You need a place to stay tonight?” DIluc asked.
Childe shrugged. “Grand Goth is up ahead.”
“You can stay up here. Who knows what you could get yourself into unsupervised.” Diluc replied. Childe just smiled at that barb, knowing this was the other man’s way of expressing concern and Kaeya knew that too based on the look they shared when Diluc turned his back on them.
“You know you could just stay here in Mondstadt while you’re figuring things out, assuming you have things you need to think over.” A bard said as he walked over. He looked at Childe with a knowing look and a warm smile. “The city of freedom accepts anyone into its arms.”
Childe looked at him contemplatively, unsure what to feel about the look in the bard’s eyes. They looked older than he did, in a way. “I’ll keep it in mind.”
The bard just hummed. “See to it that you do. Have a nice night, Childe.”
Huh, how weird. Childe was pretty sure he didn’t introduce himself yet.