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Alisaie couldn’t help the smile that adorned her lips as she gazed at her companion, basket clutched firmly between her hands; she’d been right to bring a blanket.
Tesleen gleefully spread the dark blue fabric across the slightly tilted surface, carefully brushing off any stray grains of sand that wandered aboard. This was the perfect spot, at the bottom of the hill behind the inn. Just far enough away to be out of sight, in a spot all on their own.
With a satisfied hum, Tesleen sat down on one corner of the blanket with her legs tucked to the side. She moved her hand again along the fabric, smoothing and clearing the space of the remaining few granules of sand, before patting a spot next to her. When she looked up, a smile was stretched broadly across her face.
“You absolutely must join me, Alisaie.” Tesleen’s tone was light, carefree in a way that was so rare, Alisaie couldn’t remember the last time she heard it. Even if she was being teased, the sound still warmed her more than the blinding rays of sun.
Alisaie stepped carefully onto the laid-out fabric, sitting slightly to the left of where Tesleen had designated. “Excuse me, wasn’t this my idea?” She placed the basket between them, pulling the top of it open.
Tesleen laughed, the sound bubbly and whole and beautiful and Alisaie longed to store it and keep it so she could listen to it again and again and again. “Does it matter?” Tesleen’s smile shifted to the side, bright blue eyes practically sparkling.
For a moment Alisaie merely looked back at her, her own stupid grin plastered across her face. She marveled at the woman who sat by her side, who despite all the misfortune that brought her to this world, she’d been lucky enough to meet.
Letting out a small breath, Alisaie shook her head. “You’re right, it doesn’t.” She chuckled softly at how silly this little debate was, at the sheer frivolousness she indulged herself in by joining Tesleen on this small picnic.
For this moment, just for now, there was only the two of them. Even though the other inn carers were only on the other side of the hill, Alisaie still allowed herself the thought. It sat nestled in her chest, entwined with her beating heart.
She watched as Tesleen reached into the basket, pulling out a set of carefully wrapped sandwiches. Alisaie accepted one gingerly, bending her head forward to admire how not a single inch of bread could be seen from the outside. She could feel the burn of sharp blue eyes on her, watching, expecting, and waiting.
Alisaie could only smile again as she slowly unwrapped the small package. She glanced back up at Tesleen, who stared at her unflinchingly.
“You’ve outdone yourself.” Alisaie commented with a smirk, raising the sandwich up slightly.
A light pink dusted over Tesleen’s cheeks as she broke eye contact, huffing under her breath. “Nothing but the best for our picnic.” Embarrassment was a cute look on her; Alisaie almost threw a jabbing tease her way, affectionately of course. She heard footsteps just on the other side of the hill, the soft thud of boots shifting sand. She held the words in.
The desert was hot today, as it always was. The sound of footsteps faded.
Alisaie glanced down at her sandwich, half eaten in her hand. When had she done that? A moment ago it had been whole, but she wouldn’t have forgotten eating it.
“We should go back soon.” Tesleen’s voice was low, quiet over the stillness of the desert.
Alisaie looked back over at Tesleen, who was now sitting with her legs in front of her, stretched out over the blanket. Her hands were empty, held in loose fists above her legs. She was looking down at them, eyes hidden from Alisaie’s questioning gaze.
“Tesleen, what’s wrong?” Alisaie asked, her half-eaten sandwich swiftly fading from her mind.
Tesleen’s hands tightened, pressing down against her thighs. “I wish I could do more for them.” She inhaled shakily, before releasing a shuddered breath. “I want them to live happily. But they can’t, and if we can’t help them they never will!” The last sentence was sharp and cutting, sending a stab of pain through Alisaie’s chest.
Alisaie moved the basket to the edge of the blanket, carefully placing the rest of her food inside. She then shifted towards Tesleen, moving until she was sitting right next to her. Their legs were side by side, close but not quite touching. As Tesleen heaved another shaky breath, Alisaie reached with one arm around her shoulder.
“It’s alright.” Alisaie spoke softly, gently. When Alisaie pulled her in, guiding Tesleen to lean against her and bury her face into her shoulder, she could feel the fabric of her shirt growing damp.
“We can come out here, but the others can’t even enjoy the sun. They only get worse until they die.” A broken sob followed, muffled but still unmistakable. Alisaie tightened her arm around Tesleen, blinking back tears of her own.
Overhead, the sun was starting to set. Hints of orange bled out across the sky, mixing with the fading blue. No, that wasn’t right. The sky should’ve been white; the sky here was always blindingly white.
That was, until the Warrior of Light appeared and vanquished the Lightwarden. They blasted the cursed light from the sky, returning darkness across the land.
When had that happened?
Alisaie turned her head back to Tesleen. Looked down, eyes widening at what she saw.
Impossibly glowing blue eyes looked back up at her, centered in a pale white face. “So did I, you didn’t save me.” The voice that came out wasn’t Tesleen’s voice, wasn’t like any sound Alisaie had heard before. It grated against her, sending a tremor of fear down her spine. She didn’t pull away.
“What’s happening?” Alisaie asked, an exercise in futility as the world began to crumble around her.
Against her arm, the one wrapped around Tesleen, she felt the texture change. What had been soft warmth faded into a course rough surface. When Alisaie moved her hand across Tesleen’s arm, she passed right through it.
A gust of wind blasted past them, blowing sand across their forms. Tesleen’s expression froze as her face began to harden, with chips and clumps of white dust falling away.
Alisaie refused to let go, trying to pull her even closer. She couldn’t lose her, not like this. Not again.
“Tesleen!” She called out desperately, tears now leaving her eyes, no longer able to be contained.
The sand merely cracked and slipped through her grasp, joining the wind fluttering across the desert. Grain by grain Tesleen’s form faded away, until there was nothing left.
As the sun continued to set, Alisaie was alone.
It was dark. That was the first thing Alisaie noticed when her eyes opened abruptly.
Her chest was painfully tight, heart pounding uncontrollably. She was breathing too fast, as if she’d been running rather than sound asleep. Her eyes hurt, even though they’d just been closed, and there were tears smeared across her face. That was the second thing. She could still see Tesleen in her mind, she’d been right there. So close, and already gone.
The cot beneath her was hard, pressing against her back in a familiar sort of way. She’d slept for over a year on these beds.
Deep breaths, Alisaie told herself, forcing herself to inhale deeply. It was a nightmare, it wasn’t real. She swiped her arm across her eyes for a moment, trying to clear them.
Her eyes landed on the Warrior of Light, sound asleep one bed over. The pair had come back to check on the inn, just for a day or two. The Warrior of Light had silently insisted on taking the cot next to hers, before falling asleep the instant their head hit the pillow.
Even as Alisaie’s heart rate slowed, the pain in her chest didn’t subside. Rather, the tight feeling only grew. Even though that was a dream, it had been real. She could still remember it; it was all too real. She screwed her eyes shut, withdrawing in on herself. It didn’t work; it never had.
Alisaie grimaced as she brushed her blanket aside and sat up, feet touching the sandy surface beneath her bed. She rose to her feet shakily, pausing to see if they would hold her weight. Her first step away wobbled slightly, foot sliding on the sand, but the second was more stable.
She took one after another away from the inn, leaving past the guards at the back exit. The desert was chilly at night, far colder than it ever had been before the Lightwarden’s defeat. When Alisaie staggered to a halt, at the top of a familiar hill, just within eyesight of the inn, she looked up at the night sky.
The stars gazed back at her, twinkling and reflecting countless worlds. She didn’t look down the hill, she couldn’t, it was easier to look up.
That was what Alisaie told herself, as a single tear escaped down her cheek. It was quickly followed by another, and then many more. Her chest burned with a searing pain, form trembling as she clutched her arms together in front of her. She could no longer see the stars through blurry eyes, only the visions of her past.
Even without looking she saw Tesleen at the bottom of this hill, where they had once shared a small quiet picnic. The real event had ended far differently from the dream, as Tesleen had dried her eyes and resolved to help everyone as best she could.
They went back to the inn as if nothing was wrong and continued to help all the patients there. Alisaie had admired her strength, to carry on despite everything. Even when there was no hope, she always kept trying.
That was what Tesleen would do now, if she were here. She would dust herself off, pick herself up, and continue to fight for her dreams.
It didn’t feel like it in moments like these, but Alisaie was doing that too, wasn’t she? She sniffled harshly, face tilted down from the stars as she wiped away her tears. She had been helping the Warrior of Light fight the Lightwardens, striving to restore the First to balance. After that, with the next calamity averted, she’d be able to go home. To leave this place behind, move on to the next phase of her life.
The thought only brought pain to the back of her throat, a wave of nausea rushing over her. Another loss, another grief she would carry with her. Could she bear to leave the people of the inn behind? Leaving the First would be far more permanent than traveling to fight Lightwardens had been.
She hadn’t even helped them, not outside of guarding the inn. Was that all she was good for, leaving them behind over and over? Failing to help them, failing to ease their pain. Tesleen had wanted more than that, had fought for a better future than that.
“To live happily.” Alisaie muttered under her breath, her voice hoarse from crying. She let her arms drop, balling her hands at her sides, so tightly she could feel her fingernails digging into her palms. “That was it.” Rapid blinks kept a fresh set of tears from appearing, pushing down the pain that coursed through her with each beat of her heart.
Alisaie didn’t know if she could make that happen for them, had no idea if it was even possible to ease their suffering. No, not just ease their suffering, to give them comfort and happiness. Everything she’d seen told her it couldn’t be done.
Tesleen tried to do it anyway, vowed to do everything she could to improve their lives.
It was time for Alisaie to do the same.
Alisaie reached down towards the ground, scooping up a handful of rough sand. It seeped through her fingers, much as it had in her dream. She threw it out in front of her, spreading it into the lightly blowing wind. A few grains clung to her sleeve, but she didn’t bother to brush them off.
For this place, for the people here, she would take her next steps. She would find a way to help them; she had to. It was another goal, a task she absolutely must accomplish.
As Alisaie turned back towards the inn, her steps were more stable. Her mind was clearer, sharper, and her tears were contained and stifled.
Despite making the decision, her heart still ached. The glow of the rising sun in the distance did nothing to alleviate the pain, did nothing to lighten the burden that weighed upon her.
It was a reminder of the coming day. A reminder of the work that was yet to be done.