Archive of Our Own ^beta

“I ran countless simulations; some for days, some for weeks… Some, for a lifetime” Smartys had begun, and the group was shown bits and pieces of lifetimes they hadn’t lived, but could have, in the right timelines.
“The three of you have  accumulated countless human lifetime's worth of human knowledge and experience. In the instant that you came here, that millisecond gave you all thousands of years of human experience.”
“I have a deal for you, I will give you all of your memories from the thousands of years the three of you have shared before arriving in Sand Land. You will have the knowledge base of someone thousands of years old. Truly, you will be the closest things to gods that have ever walked the Earth. All you have to do is leave behind R.Lo, Blorbo, and J.T. Scienceman.”

After a pensive moment of silence from the group, Phoebe had been the first to turn to the others and whispered out “I don’t really want to leave Blorbo, but what all would he realistically be able to do outside of here?” and with a hesitant follow up after a moment of contemplation, Atticus responded “I mean, we would definitely be able to figure something out, especially with my last job and my life history? But I guess you do kinda have a point, it would be really tough…”  

Cornelius had had his reservations about the idea but who was he to decide that the others shouldn’t be able to have those lifetimes worth of experience if they wanted them. He supposed he could deal with it all, whatever “it all” turned out to be. “Yeah uh, I guess that’s fine? I feel bad about Blorbo, but we can always come back and visit, right?” he hesitantly contributed with a sheepish half-smile. 

And just like that, they took up the deal and thousands of experiences had been given to the trio. 

It was so much to take in all at once and while initially it was easy enough to distinguish between what had actually happened and what hadn’t, eventually these experiences started to blur with memory. 

Had he talked to Atticus about the Mountain Dew stock yet? What about if Dr. B had found that thing he was looking for- or? Was he even looking for it still? Had he ever even been asked about it in the first place, or was that just another one of the simulated events? It was getting harder and harder to tell now. 

And what about Nancy? He wasn’t sure if they were together yet or if that was also something fabricated. He remembered them sharing so much time together, they had to be together, right? He supposed they hadn’t slept in the same room last night, or spoken the past few days but then again, maybe she had been on watch duty last night? Or maybe he’d been avoiding her, too unsure of what to even say. He couldn’t remember what was what at this point and he was almost too afraid to ask now on the chance that maybe she hadn't been on watch and he’d now not only not shown up on her, but actually been ghosting her. 

“Hello- Earth to Cornelius? What are you so stuck on this afternoon, Mister Miller?” Jayce’s voice cut him out of his own head and back to reality. 

“Huh?” was all he managed to fumble out before she was starting again.

“You seemed awful lost in thought there. Something big on your mind?” she re-inquired.

“Oh, it's nothing, I’ve just kinda been in a bit of a funk today I guess? Didn’t sleep too well last night is all…” he trailed off, hoping she wouldn’t pick up that that was a half lie to hide his fried mental state.

“Sure… Well hopefully tonight is better for you. I did actually pop by because I needed to ask you something though” she began, and when he nodded she kept on. “Now, I know I spoke to you about Nancy once before, but I didn’t think I’d have to do so again and this is less of my place to comment on this seein’ as she wanted to speak to you about it later, so if she asks, I was never here, okay?”

His face scrunched up around his eyes with a tinge of confusion but he nodded to her and waited for her to continue.
“I know you two haven't been together all too long now, and this may be a bit of a ‘learnin’ each others flow’ situation so do tell me if I’m over steppin’ here, but she did seem a bit upset you didn’t stop by at all last night-” Shit.   “But again, please do pardon me if I’m over steppin' my boundary here-” she’d tried to continue but as quickly as she’d confirmed his fears from before, he was out the door rushing off to find Nancy. 

When he finally found her, she was taking a break from her daily routine, sitting in the shade of the community's make-shift town center. He knew he looked like a disheveled mess, and he tried to play it off as best he could. He straightened himself up and mustered a rather weak “Hey…” before realizing just how out of breath he still was, and he paused to gather himself again.
She gave him an unimpressed sideways glance before starting “You’ve clearly been running all over the desert, so I’ll give you a moment and you can try again.”
Ouch… he thought to himself before he finally had regained enough composure to try again. He smoothed his shirt out as best he could before he started up.
“Can we talk about something- or rather, we need to talk. It’s important and I cannot even begin to explain what I think happened last night without some context- I’m sorry regardless-” he was cut off by her raised hand.
“Come sit with me” she says, patting the wall top next to her. He shuffles over and sits down against her side. “It’s not a big deal. A bit of heads up would have been nice, but I get that that can be a bit difficult to do here without going out of one's way. Go on though, I’m interested in what's got you in such a twist all of a sudden.”
He leans his head on her shoulder for a moment before he begins. “I think I really fucked up; not in a ‘didn’t stop by last night’ way, more in a ‘I may have accidentally broken myself for the rest of my life’ kinda way.” and for the first time he is actually processing what they accepted without much thought.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” she half whispers. It’s not condescending or harsh like most people might hiss out; it's much softer, and more concerned than he thinks she meant to allow out, and he follows it back with an explanation of their deal with Smartys and what all it entailed.
She stares at him for a moment, and she almost doesn’t believe him even knowing where they currently are and what they've been doing, where they've been living the past few years. Then she really looks him over, and he’s staring down at his hands which are shaking. And when she looks up, he’s got tears in his eyes.
“It's getting so hard to tell apart what’s happened, what was fabricated, and what's supposed to be real… I couldn’t remember if we were together or not these past few days, and I thought? It might be better to not show up l sat night  in case we weren’t- I didn’t want to invite myself in on the off chance that we hadn't …” he trails off. He’d started to cry at this point “I didn’t think it’d be like this… I don’t know what to do. I- I haven’t been dodging you on purpose- except that I have but-” he can barely keep a thought straight between the tears and the disjointed trains of thought he's trying to race through.
She turns herself so they're facing one another, takes his hands into hers and butts their foreheads together so he has to look her in the eyes.
“Hey. Listen to me, okay? We’re going to work through this together, you hear me? I know this has got to be scary… I’m here okay? If you’re ever uncertain, please say something to me; I can’t say I know what you're going through, but I can offer to help you deal with it one step at a time.” She reassures him. And she keeps reassuring him until he can breathe again. She lets go of his hands to wipe the tear streaks off his cheeks and gives him a small smile before pulling him into a hug.