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He felt lonely while practicing the new song.
There were ten dancers next to him and his manager and others in the huge rehearsal room, but he still felt lonely. They had just finished the dance practice and he and his staff were heading to a conference room to talk about more things about his b-side tracks of his coming album.
—You should include some other collaboration. Last time you chose Boa...—One of the producers murmured when they were already in the conference room.
—I think some Red Velvet girl would be good or some boy. NCT?
Yunho looked at his manager, almost wanting to blurt out Changmin's name automatically. But it wasn't an option because it would become a TVXQ song.
He said anyone would be fine.
When he came home he turned on the television even though he was dead tired. He dumped him in a romantic movie.
Notting Hill.
Unintentionally a tear escaped him in the same part where Changmin always cried, although he had seen it thousands of times.
He fell asleep before it finished, thinking about how Changmin talked about movies so much and how he would change the plots and they would be better, but the best movies weren't made yet.
The next day Changmin was on the album photography set, she was smiling so beautifully with his sparkling eyes and he messed up shots because his smile slipped when the subject was darker.
“You did well, hyung"
He was going to complain when the younger's phone rang and he could see her name on the screen.
Yunho didn't say anything, because Changmin was no longer his.
The wound had already stopped hurting a little.
A month later, at the music video shoot he thought that while he was a mobster holding a gun against other people, he might be hunting Changmin's character in his solo. A clever and beautiful petty thief.
He told him at the break, Changmin smiled at him like he did for eighteen years and then he wasn't smiling a thirty-three-year-old Changmin with broad shoulders and a defined face and all those well-formed muscles, but a kid with chubby cheeks and dark hair freshly stained, a small and childish frame still.
His mind wandered and he also saw the short dark haired Changmin who was already taller than him but still had full cheeks but his light was fading and he was afraid it would be of them.
Fortunately, Changmin was still by his side, he always be and always will, smiling and trusting him with closed eyes.
"You should bleach your hair for me again."
Changmin protested, talking about how painful the process was.
He remembered a Changmin of about eighteen, protesting the intricate braids the stylists did for concerts when his hair was so long that Yunho had to unbraid it when they came home because Changmin's scalp hurt.
The same long hair from when they were in Paris and they threw coins into a fountain and Yunho asked that they always be together.
And his wish didn't quite come true.
But Changmin was still there and he knew that he would always be.
But he wasn't his anymore.
In another reality, he would have proposed. Their relationship wouldn't be a joke and he would really still be listening to Changmin protest because he fell asleep on the sofa again or because he folded the shirts wrong again, I would give him a kiss on the cheek for taking off his shoes when entering the house although he hadn't forgotten it for years and they would still talk late looking at each other while lying in bed.
When the filming day ended he had to say goodbye to Changmin because he was going home with her.
Because he wasn't his.
When he returned home he was watching a Chinese movie, a common romance where a man meets a girl and they go through many misunderstandings and adventures to be together. In one scene he took the girl to his parents' house and coincidentally had two younger sisters and two small dogs. Although they were Pomeranians.
His mind imagined Changmin, and her family and Mandonguie and Buzzi running around near her
Was it like that when he introduced her?
Remember to meet her before Changmin's parents. It was a breakfast, it was nice. And he himself approved her to meet his parents. He remembers laughing with Minho because apparently Yunho's opinion mattered more than his parents'.
They were never normal.
Little Changmin guiding and ruling over the apparent leader who was determined to keep the title although leading Changmin was not what he did under any circumstances. Changmin anticipated his thoughts and the one he guided in some way.
"Hyung don't do that."
"Hyung..."
Their first kiss was in the kitchen of his new apartment after returning from the Michael Jackson memorial concert. The next day they decided to resume their musical career together.
It was a hard road, they fought too much and they didn't know how to communicate but...
Then they didn't even need to talk to understand each other. They communicated just by looking at each other and it was wonderful. Because they were like a perfect machine, they worked well and loved each other.
They never stopped doing it.
But loving each other isn't enough.
And they had to stop because it was dangerous, so he started bringing more friends home because being alone was already dangerous. Then Changmin moved and since then he wakes up alone.
He remembers being afraid of losing Changmin, but he never let go of him. Because they didn't break their promises, they didn't break them at fifteen, or at twenty-one, or at twenty-six, much less now at thirty-three.
They promised never to let go and they haven't.
But if the world were perfect the promise would be different and maybe he would now be seeing Changmin sleeping in their bed and not seeing the credits of a movie which only made him disassociate and persist in wondering what Changmin would say if he asked him what they would be like. If the world was perfect and they could love each other.
They would surely be the one for each other.
He wouldn't need to introduce Changmin to his parents because they have known him since he was younger. They would meet on weekends at home with each other's parents. Jihye would screech at every interaction like she always did while Soyeon and Jiyeon would roll their eyes at every scathing comment from his brother and tell him to shut him up with a kiss. He would kiss Changmin in front of everyone without fear and receive a smile from his parents.
The fans would scream until they passed out and it wouldn't be fanservice.
Changmin would kiss him before going out to dinner with Kyuhyun and Minho while Hojun would laugh at his cutesy while he is in the room.
If the world were perfect.
Instead of singing for the bride and groom that day and shouting a funny congratulations, he made the guests laugh.
He would have said some vows that would have made everyone cry and Changmin would have looked at him with red eyes from tears and ended up trembling as he said his vows as well.
But he wasn't his.
They were the one for each other, he knew it.
But the world was not perfect and he wasn't his and he needs to repeat it to himself all the time to deal with it.
And they'll never really know what it would've been like...and maybe it would've been beautiful and sweet.
It would have been fun if the world was the right one.
The next morning he smiled when Changmin's message appeared on the screen.
"What time will you finish rehearsing? We can have lunch together"