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The noise, it won’t stop.
Screeching, piercing, making her ears ring. She’s trapped, between who she once was, who she wanted to be, who she is now.
And who had trapped her there? The souls, of who she once knew, who she had taken, and those who had become a part of her.
Erebus. The Needle. The Elder Gods. Seren’s crystalline aura, filled with rage and turmoil, and the mercy of death brought upon her and her kind— what could have been. It all happens so fast, too fast, flashes by in fleeting instances.
A reflection approaches. It’s familiar. It’s her own. “This is who you are,” It sneers, and her heart grows cold and heavy, “This is who you will always be. Stop running from me. Wake up. Wake up…”
[ Loading, Please Wait…]
Jaxyys wakes with a startled gasp, her eyes shoot wide as her whole body jolts. Her vision is blurry as the rest of the waking world catches up to her, and her shallow breaths steady out as the scene before her becomes clearer… A ceiling. She’s staring at the ceiling of a varrock home.
Her ears ring deafeningly, still, but she tries to steady herself as she registers what’s there, and what isn’t. She’s in bed, laid on her back. The sky outside is still dark, with the barest hint of blue— early hours of the morning, then? The lantern by her bedside flickers with auburn light. Jax feels, hears her own heart rate begin to slow as she’s centered. On her shoulder she feels something cold, metallic, gripping gently— the sensation causes her to loosen her own vice grip on the sheets beneath her, redness returning to her paled knuckles.
Then, as sound finally returns to her, a voice. “There you are, sleeping beauty,” It’s low, playful and melodic, the last piece Jaxyys needed to fully ground herself back in reality. “I was wondering if you’d ever wake, you’ve been tossing and turning all night, I thought you’d throw yourself off the bed at some point!”
Jax glances over to the tall, dark, handsome figure looming above her— Charos loosens his grip on her shoulder, and looks down at her with gleaming green eyes, and a coy grin. She isn’t particularly in the mood for a playful back and forth at this hour, especially not while she’s still reeling from such an awful nightmare, coated in a cold sweat… Nevertheless, she’s thankful that he is there, by her side.
As thankful as she is, however, that doesn’t stop her from turning onto her side, shaking herself free of eye contact as she faces away from him. She buries her face into the pillow in front of her, and groans, low and exasperated. She’s certain that display is enough to have the grin drop from Charos’ defined features in an instant. “A nightmare?” He asks, his tone uncharacteristically soft, and Jaxyys inaudibly nods into the pillow.
The nightmares have come and gone since the incident on Iaia, and while she can’t always remember them in perfect detail, vague as they are, the feeling is what lingers after she wakes. The feeling of failure, knowing what she could have become that day, if she’d been pushed too far in another direction…
“It’s not real,” Charos comforts, as if he could read her mind, her worries, like an open book. The hand that had been gently patting her shoulder to calm her had traveled upwards, now running gold, metallic fingers through the strands of her auburn hair. “You’re here now, Jaxyys. You’re alright.”
Was she, though? Was she really?
She was too tired to protest, at any rate, only sighing against the fabric of the pillow, shutting her eyes, and allowing herself to sink into the feeling of Charos gently playing with her hair— the small gesture on its own was calming, grounding. Even if she wasn’t alright, even if she wasn’t really here— physically , yes, but emotionally and mentally?
It’s fine. All was well in this moment, so long as she had him by her side.
Nothing is permanent, however. Like a switch being flipped, Charos pulled away, and Jax tensed a tiny bit as her body ran cold once more.
“At any rate, it’s morning now. You ought to get up,” Jax groaned into the pillow once more, unable to find protest in words. Charos went silent for a moment, before murmuring, “Five more minutes?”
Jax rolled over onto her back, again. She looked up at Charos with pleading blue eyes, her brows furrowed.
He grinned down at her, “Five more minutes it is, your majesty .” Jaxyys couldn’t stop herself from rolling her eyes at the snide remark, she was certain that she wasn’t being that much of a diva, and if she was, then damn it , hadn’t she earned the right? None of these complaints left her lips, however, and her eyes fixed on Charos as he made his way towards the stairs. “If you need me, I’ll be fixing up breakfast for us both,” He said, before glancing over his shoulder once more, “Remind me again, how do you like your eggs done?”
Eggs. Elder Gods. Jaxyys lets out an exasperated sigh, throws an arm over her eyes. “Destroyed,” She mumbled, her voice gravelly.
“Scrambled, then.”
[ Loading, Please Wait…]
A little over fifteen minutes passed before Jaxyys finally, groggily made her way downstairs to join her housemate for breakfast. She was thankful that Charos had gone easy on her, given the state she was in— and, if not for the fact that she did have priorities to take care of in the coming few days, she would have liked to remain in bed forever. At some point, she had decided to fight that urge before it overtook her entirely.
Now she sat at the kitchen table, eyes half lidded and heavy in her skull, she stared blankly at the table before her as Charos set a plate in front of her— eggs (scrambled, of course) and bacon, with hotcakes. Jaxyys wasn’t hungry. Blinking wearily at the meal set out before her, she only barely registered the creak of the chair across from her, as Charos sat down at the table. He was silent for a few moments.
She didn’t meet his eyes.
“So,” He spoke, after an age, “Are you going to tell me what happened to you yesterday? You know I love a good story,” He jested, and Jax looked up from the table, meeting his eyes. He was grinning, but his brows were furrowed with something— concern, maybe? “You passed out as soon as you got back. I’d really like to know why.” He said.
Yesterday…
So much had happened within such a short period of time, and all of it culminated in the events that took place the day prior. After a prolonged amount of time living undercover, with the help of Charos, Jaxyys had successfully faked her death. This facade had worked to her advantage in order to spy on Zamorak as subtly as possible— with the news of him building an army, and the demonic invasions happening on and off across the land, a decision was made to inform Saradomin. Charos knew that much, but after that…
Jaxyys let out an exasperated sigh, discreetly inching the plate in front of her away by a few inches as she began to speak. “The Guthixians have a plan,” She began.
Charos raised an eyebrow, “Oh, you met with them?”
She nodded, “I’m surprised they even wanted to involve me with this, given how flaky I’ve been. I figure this whole ‘ghost protocol’ thing would be the nail in the coffin for them, but,” She shrugged, “I guess they’ve got no choice, really?” Jaxyys paused, waiting to see if Charos had any further input, if only to distract her from having to explain herself further. To her chagrin, he remained silent. She couldn’t help but sigh again, as she finally spilled the whole truth, “They… Want to reestablish the edicts.”
Charos’ eyes widened ever so slightly, and he nodded, intrigued. Other than that, he showed no signs of being nearly as taken aback as Jaxyys was when she’d been given the plan, just yesterday. “Is that possible?” He asked.
“Unfortunately, yes,” Jaxyys lamented. She knew she was being too obvious, letting it be known just how much this plan bothered her. She didn’t care.
Charos leaned forward an inch, “What do you mean by ‘unfortunately’?” He inquired, although Jaxyys figured that he already had an inkling of what she had meant— he was a smart man, after all.
“By that I mean, I’m the only one who can recast them, but… It’ll cost me my powers. My role as the World Guardian, everything I’ve worked for,” Jaxyys gestured vaguely at nothing, her brows furrowed, “Just… Gone, just like that.” She let her hands fall flat onto the table, the silverware clinked in quiet rebuttal. “We did a test run yesterday. It nearly drained the life out of me, literally — the only thing that would stop me from fading are these powers I have, so when… If I recast them…” She trailed off, denial heavy in her tone.
“The edicts will take your powers, in place of your life.” Charos finished, and she nodded solemnly, averting her gaze. “This could be for the best; you said it yourself, you’re afraid of how your power could corrupt you.”
“I know, I know , but…” Jaxyys had so many thoughts, so many feelings about what was to come, the uncertainty of her future, and the immense fault in her character— what exactly did it say about her, that she almost wanted to forgo the edicts, the safety of the entire world , for the sake of clinging to this grandiose power? After all, if she wasn’t Jaxyys, The World Guardian… Who was she, really? What was left?
She wanted to address none of that. Not now, at least. Her own selfish desires shouldn’t take the forefront during such dire times. Charos could deduce this much from her meek demeanor, “You’ll be alright. I know you will,” He said, settling on a conclusion, if only to bring this train of thought to a full stop, for the time being, and for Jaxyys’ own comfort. She was thankful for it.
However, she still had more to say. “That’s not even the worst bit,” She started, and Charos was silent once more, allowing her to trail off. The tension in the room was building, as if he was giving her an out, telling her through actions rather than words that she didn’t have to continue talking about this if she didn’t want to. Jaxyys ignored the small mercy, and kept on, “Once they’re cast, I can’t control them like Guthix did. I can’t choose who stays, and who leaves.” She explained.
Charos paused for a moment, putting it together in his head as to why Jax said that this was the worst part, out of everything she’d already revealed. When it clicked, she heard him sigh gently, sympathetically. “You’ll have to tell the other Gods,” Charos pressed, “I assume Saradomin has already been made aware?”
Jaxyys nodded, “I told him after the trial run. He wasn’t happy about it, but he agreed,” Not as if he had a choice, Jax thought, “Then I came back here, and I passed out. Now, he and I have to reconvene with the other Gods, and figure out how to tell them that they’re getting their eviction notice.” She couldn’t help but crack a half hearted grin at her own joke, she was sure Charos did the same across from her.
“I don’t think they’ll appreciate you trying to lighten the mood during such circumstances,” He joked in return, a grin clear in his voice, “But nevermind that, when you refer to the Gods… That includes Azzanadra , right?”
With that one name spoken aloud, Jaxyys felt her whole body run cold, her hair stood up on end in an uncontrollable physical reaction of pure anxiety. Charos definitely noticed, and she didn’t dare look up to meet his gaze just yet. She kept her stare fixed downward and nodded, curtly. “I… I haven’t seen him since before the incident with Seren,” She managed out, and internally kicked herself at how small and shaken her voice sounded. “I’m… Terrified .” She confessed.
“Because you still like him, right?”
Jaxyys hadn’t known it was possible to go from pale as a ghost, to cherry red, within the span of a millisecond— but she was certain she had, just then. Her face felt incredibly hot in an instant, and she looked up at Charos with a wide, accusatory glare. He raised his arms innocently in return, and leaned back in his chair a bit.
“Hey, settle down,” He insisted, his tone remarkably calm, “There’s nothing wrong with that, y’know—”
“Yes there is, because it’s not true —” Jax offered as an immediate rebuttal, “There’s nothing there, he’s not — I’m moving on —”
“Don’t give me any of that.” Charos said, his tone quiet, but firm, and Jax felt herself shrivel up. Sensing her discomfort, Charos’ expression softened, conveying both sympathy, and concern. “I’m not saying any of this to upset you, and I also hold absolutely no judgment. The heart is sometimes too strong to limit itself to just one person at a time,” He explained, and he reached forward to grasp onto Jaxyys’ hand, “I don’t want you to think otherwise, and devalue your feelings as a result.”
Jax opened her mouth in an empty protest that never left her lips. Her brows furrowed, and her heart pounded— exactly what was Charos trying to say to her, right now?
Sensing her confusion, he continued to speak, “This isn’t me implying that you should try out polyamory or anything— not that there’s anything wrong with that,” He explained hurriedly, as Jaxyys looked positively puzzled, “And if you did, Hell , I’d be willing to talk it out, but that’s all up to you.” He said.
Jaxyys thought on that remark for a moment, and not a second longer. She straightened herself in her chair, “I don’t think it’s for me,” She concluded— there was no shame towards anyone who did practice that lifestyle, of course, but Jaxyys knew that it simply wasn’t her cup of tea.
Charos nodded, understanding, “Then your heart will settle on one,” He concluded, and Jax met his emerald gaze once more— his eyes were full of utmost sincerity, as he leaned forward and spoke, “Even so, that doesn’t invalidate the feelings that still linger for him. I think you should confront them.” The suggestion had Jaxyys nearly reeling backward in shock, her eyes blew wide— the hand that remained over her own was all that kept her grounded, Charos’ thumb brushing slow circles over her knuckles. “After you talk to the other Gods, pull him aside, and tell him the truth. Work with him to get some closure, it’ll be good for you both.”
Jaxyys was speechless for a good, long moment. She swallowed, her throat suddenly very dry. “What if it means nothing?” She had to ask, voice her worst possible fears, “What if he already has… Someone else?” Her mind fixated on one person, a certain thorn in her side— she refused to give any names.
Charos didn’t need a name from her in order to dismiss the fears entirely. “It’s better to have clarity than none at all, don’t you think?” And he’s right , damn it, he’s so incredibly right.
She averted her gaze, and thought quietly for a moment. Neither the best or worst case outcome to a possible confession would change the position that Jaxyys and Azzanadra have found themselves in; regardless of what would happen, the two of them would have to part ways. Contact would be sparse , that’s for certain. Even by the off chance that an inevitable rejection were to be bypassed… The circumstances laid before them are absolutely no grounds for a relationship of any kind. Tragedy would result from either path.
And if nothing really mattered, then… What’s the worst that could come of it?
“Why are you so smart…? ” Jaxyys thought aloud; it wasn’t a genuine question, she knew damn well why Charos was as savvy as can be. He’s lived for centuries, worn a million different faces, wormed his way out of the most oppressive and constrictive environments, and all the while, he came out the other end stronger than ever before, ready to pull the rug out from under anyone, or anything , that he viewed as an obstacle.
Still, Charos humored her. She heard him chuckle, before his hand retreated from her own, “I’ve been around the block a few times,” He said, and Jaxyys looked up at him once more, just in time to catch those gorgeous, gleaming green eyes flashing her a playful wink. “You learn a thing or two.” He said.
Jaxyys felt her heart swell. As frightening as her future currently seemed, she was happy to have Charos in it. An enigmatic man who could indulge her deep, complex emotions with long conversations. A man who knew just what to say…
“Now then, your breakfast is getting cold,” He prodded, “I destroyed those eggs for you, just as you asked, so you ought to enjoy them!”
The tension in the room was cut in an instant, and Jaxyys couldn’t help but laugh.
[ Loading, Please Wait…]
Saradomin was the first to arrive at the Empyrean Citadel, quietly bickering amongst the other allied Gods, who were rightfully upset after being summoned away from the defensive front upon such short notice— but the floor quickly fell dead silent when, to their surprise, Saradomin introduced Jaxyys to the scene.
Armadyl, after all the tremendous personal losses he’d experienced during his time on Gielinor, somehow maintained a calm exterior as he expressed his relief towards Jaxyys’ unexpected survival. Icthlarin was equally relieved, and an ounce more outspoken, having formed a slightly more amicable bond towards the World Guardian over the years, he was incredibly thankful to see Jaxyys alive and well. “I knew it all along,” He commented, a tone of humor in his voice, “I had thought it was strange , that I hadn’t ferried your soul to the afterlife yet.”
The remark had Jaxyys crack a short smile, but she said nothing— the jovial expression faded as she glanced towards the youngest of the Gods, at Azzanadra…
His stoic exterior was betrayed by his slight shock, to see Jaxyys in the flesh— his eyes widened for a moment, and then, he averted his gaze. After that, he barely made a remark, avoiding eye contact at all costs. He hates me, oh stars, he hates me, Jaxyys thought to herself— but now wasn’t the time to panic over interpersonal relationships.
At Saradomin’s suggestion, Jaxyys laid out the plan for the other Gods, catching each of them up on where she’d been, and that she was aware of the demonic invasion at the hands of Zamorak— after a short introduction, and with little fanfare, she announced her intention to reestablish the edicts.
Armadyl and Icthlarin were speechless. Jaxyys glanced at Saradomin, hoping for some sort of verbal backup— she received none. Traitor, she thought. To her chagrin, all the pressure was on her to convince her allies that this plan was legitimate, but her words failed her as silence dominated the atmosphere.
It was Azzanadra who spoke up first. “We banish Zamorak, he’s trapped off world, which cuts off the flood of demons.” He concluded, and Jaxyys hoped that it wasn’t too obvious when she visibly flinched upon hearing his voice. Hesitantly, she craned her neck to look up at him. “Clever,” He remarked, but his expression remained unreadable.
Just as she was about to deal the final disappointing blow, and reveal the ramifications of the plan in full, Saradomin finally, mercifully , stepped in. “There’s a catch,” He revealed, and he nodded towards Jaxyys, beckoning her to continue.
Jaxyys breathed out an exasperated sigh, “Guthix controlled the edicts very precisely, presumably so he could offer you a choice to leave of your own free will,” She explained, and glanced towards her allies, who remained silent, intent on listening. Well, no turning back now, she thought, before concluding, “I… Don’t have that control. If I go through with the ritual, all the Gods will be banished.”
The silence permeated for a moment longer, the atmosphere thick with tension. Again, it was Azzanadra who cut through said tension, speaking up once more. “Immediately?” He questioned, his tone quiet.
“I’m not sure,” Jaxyys confessed, trying to convey just how new all of this really was to her , as well, “I think stronger entities might take longer to fade,” She mused, glancing briefly at Saradomin, who nodded in certainty, confirming the hypothesis. “But what does it matter? Once you’re gone, that’s it. You won’t be able to return.” Jaxyys said, omitting the other nitty gritty details— she didn’t want any of the Gods humoring the idea of nullifying these potential new edicts, since such a feat would be impossible for her, without her abilities as World Guardian…
Thankfully, none of them brought up such a possibility, only nodding solemnly as each deity processed the information.
It was Armadyl who spoke up next, after a pause. “And you have agreed to this, Saradomin?” He questioned, disbelief clear in his voice— it was to be expected, given the previous track record of the man in question. In a way, Saradomin could be just as difficult to bargain with as the likes of Zamorak, despite holding such staunchly opposite values.
However, much to the aviansie’s surprise, Saradomin nodded, albeit solemnly. “On reflection, this is the only course of action available.” He explained.
“Why are you telling us?” Azzanadra asked, suspicion heavy in his tone— Jaxyys mused that he may suspect Saradomin of having ulterior motives. The thought was not entirely unjustified, with Azzanadra’s faction having recently betrayed Saradomin in a rather meaningful way, the Mahjarrat was not incorrect to assume that the God of Order would want to level the playing field, somehow.
To do so this late in the game, however, would be incredibly foolish. To Saradomin’s defense, Jaxyys spoke up to offer clarity. “Because, this affects all of you,” She said, and Azzanadra’s gaze fell on her once more— she averted her own within seconds.
Saradomin spoke up, in agreement, “This is bigger than all of us,” He declared, “The circumstances are far too dire, to the point that I am willing to let bygone betrayals remain as just that, for the sake of our future, as well as the future of this world.” Saradomin placed a hand onto Azzanadra’s shoulder— the mahjarrat’s expression was still stone cold, but he did not flinch away from the contact. “If I am to be trapped out there with the likes of you , I would rather we not start off as enemies .” There was bitterness clear in Saradomin’s tone, as though he spoke through gritted teeth, struggling to come to terms with the situation just as much as Azzanadra would be.
“I, for one, can agree to that,” Armadyl spoke up, diverting the attention and dispelling the conflict in an instant. “Gielinor would be better off without our interference.” He admitted.
“This decision has little effect on me,” Icthlarin chimed in, “I will simply return to the Underworld, as I did last time… However, if you truly want an opinion on the matter, I will say this; I serve a purpose in this world. The rest of you have brought nothing but chaos and death,” Icthlarin paused, his gaze set upon Azzanadra as he sneered his final remark, “In addition, any course that sees two fewer Mahjarrat traitors befouling my home, is a plan I can get behind without hesitation.”
Azzanadra couldn’t help but smirk, “ Charming, ” He remarked. All eyes were on him now, the successor to the Zarosian empire. He sighed, half-heartedly brushed Saradomin’s hand off of his shoulder, and stepped forward. “Well, assuming that I even qualify as a God…” He mused, sarcasm heavy in his tone.
He does, a voice in the back of Jaxyys’ head, that was pointedly not her own, chimed up, compelling her to speak, “You do.” She said, pointing out the obvious.
Azzanadra only nodded in response, eye contact averted all the while. He paused for a moment to gather his thoughts, and Jaxyys could easily deduce that he was most definitely weighing the pros and cons, reflecting on the losses that he, and all of Gielinor, had experienced at the hands of Zamorak— and, indeed, at the hands of his own , as well. Would his banishment from this plane be worth it, if only to spite the God of Chaos himself? Was that even a question worth asking, when the answer was undoubtedly a resounding yes?
Finally, after what felt like an age, Azzanadra spoke. “It is my duty to shepherd the Empire. That Empire is gone , thanks to Zamorak. It is my duty to watch over Zaros' followers. They are few , thanks to Zamorak. It is my duty, and my pleasure , to oppose Zamorak in any capacity I can, to transform his moment of triumph into yet another defeat…” After the short monologue, in which, to Jaxyys’ great admiration, Azzanadra’s voice wavered not even once… And, finally, he looked at her. “Yes, you have my blessing.” He confirmed, a type of sincerity that Jaxyys had never seen before, clear in his amethyst gaze.
Jaxyys nodded, shakily. “It’s settled then,” She said, not wanting to acknowledge just how heavy her tone was, with denial, and grief. She wanted to say more, anything to keep the conversation rolling, to come off as more put together than she actually was, in this moment, but her words failed her.
Azzanadra’s brows furrowed. Jax didn’t know why.
Just when she most needed a diversion, Saradomin chimed in, and the attention was centered back on him once more. Jaxyys had never been more thankful in her life to be out of the spotlight, for once. “All that remains is to reestablish the edicts at the Monument, deep in the Wilderness.” Saradomin informed the rest of the Gods, and he clenched his fist at his side in a subtle show of anger, “Unfortunately, this seems to be where Zamorak has fortified himself. No action can be taken against him until we find a way to breach his containment.” He said.
Jaxyys kept her gaze fixed on the floor as Azzanadra spoke up once more. “Whatever resources my faction can offer are at your disposal— I will have Trindine make contact with your heir,” Jaxyys hoped that it wasn’t too obvious when her whole body tensed up upon hearing that accursed name. Trindine this, Trindine that, the rest of the conversation amongst the Gods fell on deaf ears as Jax ruminated on the hatred and jealousy she felt for that mahjarrat in particular, cursing her heroic nature for compelling her to rescue that menace in the first place. She wished she never had, she wished she’d left her in the shadows to rot —
She only vaguely registers when the other Gods begin to depart, returning to their duties on the land down below— first Armadyl, then Icthlarin, and before Jaxyys could even think about her next move, she reached out and grabbed onto Azzanadra’s sleeve, drawing his attention towards her, and stopping him from teleporting away. “ Wait, ” She says, her gaze still glued to the tiles beneath her feet. She knows both Azzanadra and Saradomin have fixed their gazes upon her, arguably confused with what else she might possibly have to add.
Meekly, Jaxyys looks up at Azzanadra, “Stay for a moment, please?” She asks, her voice quiet, “There’s… Something I want to talk to you about.”
Azzanadra gives no reaction, only raises a brow inquisitively. He turns to look towards Saradomin. The silence is deafening.
Saradomin clears his throat, “ Well , at any rate,” He starts, sensing the palpable awkwardness in the atmosphere, ready to rid himself from its weighted presence, “I suppose I’ll be on my way, as well. Azzanadra, you have my gratitude,” He says, though condescension is heavy in his tone, “Despite your faction’s egregious betrayals, I am merciful , and willing to overlook such shortcomings for the sake of our future alliance… As for you , World Guardian,” He looks down towards Jaxyys.
She isn’t sure what her face looks like right now, but her expression causes Saradomin’s brows to furrow in clear worry— or is it sorrow? Sympathy? She isn’t certain, and she doesn’t care to analyze it at this point. The vice grip she has on Azzanadra’s sleeve is all that grounds her at this moment, right now.
Her heart is in her throat.
Saradomin only nods, empathetically, and murmurs, “Best of luck to you,” Before teleporting away, as well. Finally, only her and Azzanadra remain.
The silence between the two of them permeates for a good, long moment. Azzanadra’s attention falls fully upon Jaxyys, as she slowly pulls away from him, letting go of the fabric of his sleeve, allowing it to billow downward onto his chiseled bicep. She takes a step back.
“You could have left too, y’know,” She mumbles, her tone quiet and dismissive. For the life of her, she can’t bring herself to meet his gaze, but she knows it’s there, glued to her, watching, waiting.
Azzanadra shakes his head, “Something is troubling you.” He says, pointing out the obvious, based not only on Jaxyys’ demeanor, but everything else about her as well. She wants to laugh, it’s an absolute joke to her, that her emotional troubles are more important than an actual demon invasion , but she only remains silent. She feels Azzanadra step forward, grow closer, “You have been a remarkable ally to me, throughout the years. If our remaining time together in this world is short, then I see no reason not to spare a moment, to hear you out—”
“I love you.”
The world stops. The words fall so effortlessly from her lips, and Jaxyys can feel Azzanadra reel back, taken almost entirely by surprise— if not by her feelings (which had to have been obvious, all this time) then by the unabashedly outspoken declaration, void of all hesitance.
After a piercing silence, the confession fully sinks in. Azzanadra speaks, “ What…? ” His voice is quiet, his tone full of disbelief, uncertainty unlike anything that Jaxyys had ever heard from him prior.
The floodgates open. Whatever grandiose speech Jaxyys had rehearsed in her head is thrown entirely off to the side, and stream of consciousness fully overtakes any coherent thought.
“You came into my life at the most perfect time, right when I needed you the most . You’ve always made me feel so important, so necessary , you’ve always been there for me to fall back on, you have everything put together— even after you inevitably betrayed me for Zaros, even during the incident with the Monolith, even after I thought I was so ready to forget about you,” The words flood from her before she can stop any of them, she seldom pauses to take a breath— finally, she meets Azzanadra’s gaze, “Even after all that, I hoped you’d come back to me, and then you did , and it threw me for a loop. You’re kind, intelligent, handsome, I’ve wanted so much from you for so long, I— I’d burn this world and the next for you .”
Azzanadra’s eyes are wide with an emotion that Jax had never seen worn by his chiseled features. Even through blurred vision, she can tell, without a doubt, she’s subverted his expectations with this sudden declaration. Her eyes are clouded with unshed tears, and she’s afraid to blink, should they fall. She hasn’t cried yet, and she doesn’t want to now.
She forces her gaze downward once more. “I know this means nothing to you,” She says, taking the heavy silence from the mahjarrat as means to continue pouring her heart out. She tries to ignore how her voice wavers. “I know that… You couldn’t possibly be interested in me, of all humans— no, of all people ,” She pauses for a reaction, any kind— she’s only met with more silence, “Either you’re just not… Interested in a relationship, or, you and Trindine —” She spits that name as though it’s poison, and she finds herself unable to draw out that thought, that possibility , any longer, “I know I could never measure up to whatever you two have. I just… I needed to get this out, before you’re gone. Let me down gently, alright?” On that final plea, she looks up at Azzanadra once more. His expression is unreadable.
The quiet that permeates through the air is anything but calming. Even the monologuing voices in the corner of Jaxyys’ mind have gone thoroughly silent, as she waits the emotional equivalent of an eternity for a response, anything, from the mahjarrat. She feels like she could go insane, her heart ready to burst out of her chest entirely.
After an age, Azzanadra sighs, and cuts through the silence. “Jaxyys,” He begins, and pauses— it’s obvious that he’s trying to find the right words, trying to find the most delicate way to shatter her heart into pieces— “You are correct to assume that what Trindine and I share is… A closer bond, than what is typical,” Jaxyys feels her heart begin to sink, her eyes grow even heavier with unshed tears, but Azzanadra continues, dealing a finishing blow with a startling confession. “And, this… This is because Trindine is my daughter .”
All at once, Jaxyys feels the blood drain from her head, and she’s sure her heart stops entirely for a moment. She might faint.
“ Oh, ” She chokes out, unable to process the sudden revelation. Her throat is closing up as her thoughts swarn violently in her head all at once— and her knees go weak, “Oh, Gods, ” She murmurs, “I— I think I’m going to be sick, ”
Her knees give out, and Jaxyys shatters to the ground, catching herself with her hands against the marble tile below her. She blinks, once, and the tears fall mercilessly to the cold floor.
Of course, of course, of course—
“Jaxyys,” She hears Azzanadra address her. She doesn’t look up at him, she doesn’t dare. She’s shaking.
Of course I’d be that unlucky, of course I’d waste all this time hating someone—
The mahjarrat’s presence looms above her, equal parts protective and menacing, as he kneels on the floor in front of her, “ Jaxyys, ” He addresses her again, a touch more firm this time.
Of course I’d squander all my opportunities to be with him, because, because—
“Jaxyys, speak to me, ” Concern is heavy in his tone now, and Azzanadra reaches out towards the crumbling World Guardian—
THWAP!
He reels back, pressing his palm against his face, stinging ever so slightly from the sharp, open handed blow that Jaxyys dealt towards him, in a fit of mindless rage. She meets his eyes, he appears somewhat startled, saddened betrayal obvious in his violet gaze, but she doesn’t care. Tears stream freely down Jaxyys’ face, her eyes alight with anger, her brows furrowed.
She just slapped Azzanadra. A God. A mahjarrat. Her friend.
“ You, ” She manages out, her voice gravelly and strained, “Why. Didn’t. You. Tell me?! ” She speaks through gritted teeth, her tone poisoned with vitriol.
Azzanadra is silent. She wants to grab him by that billowy robe, pull him closer, just to scream at him louder, drill her feelings of betrayal and abandonment into that thick skull of his, with every last ounce of her being. She resists, and doesn’t dare to touch him any more.
“Do you know how much time I’ve wasted , how much emotional energy I put into being afraid, angry, jealous , over this? Over her?! ” She can’t help but raise her voice, knowing full well that her throat will be sore because of it, “Did you even care?! ”
The interrogation leads nowhere, Azzanadra only stares back at her, his expression conveying an emotion that Jaxyys can’t quite place. She quickly finds that she’s grown tired of berating him, and in an instant, she crumples anew as fresh tears pool at her eyes.
She falls forward once more, shuts her eyes, and sobs . This is humiliating, she doesn’t want to be here . She’s certain Azzanadra doesn’t want her here, either, now that she’s told him everything, now that she’s made an utter fool of herself, now that she’s ruined their friendship, once and for all—
Jaxyys feels herself tense up, all over, as she registers being pulled into a warm embrace, during an outright uncharacteristic turn of events. None of this should be happening, this should not be the response she’d be receiving from him— even as she goes fully stiff in his grasp, her body frozen save for the uncontrollable sobs and hiccups wracked from her spent form— every ounce of logic in her screams that this isn’t right, this can’t possibly be happening—
And against all better judgment, Jaxyys fully gives herself away to the current circumstances. Forgoing all lingering questions, she pushes herself against Azzanadra’s larger frame, wraps her arms around him as far as they can reach, buries her face against him, and she finally allows herself to cry freely.
He says nothing else, does nothing else, in response— only allows himself to serve as an anchor for the wrecked guardian, rubbing slow circles against the back of her head as his actions speak louder than any words possibly can. Jaxyys vaguely feels that she’s being handled and cared for as though she were made of glass, a precaution she’d never received from Azzanadra, before now. The treatment is new , but not entirely unwelcome— and at this moment, during which she has already emotionally fallen apart, the extra amount of care is very much needed.
After what feels like an eternity, the sobs begin to slow, granting mercy to Jaxyys’ worn, trembling frame. Her heart rate thrums unevenly in her ears as she tries to steady herself once more, but the thought of pulling herself away from Azzanadra does not cross her mind, not even once; despite how utterly wrong and improbable the embrace felt, just a minute earlier, Jaxyys can’t imagine herself without it, as if the mahjarrat before her is the only thing keeping her together, and grounded, and if she were to pull away, she’d shatter all over again, into a million irreparable pieces.
Instead, she remains pressed against him, her face buried into the fabric of his sleeve, where she’s sure she had stained with tears. Her legs feel numb beneath her, she doesn’t think she can stand up again, any time soon. Azzanadra does not ask her to.
“Jaxyys,” He says, his tone hushed so as not to disturb the newfound calm. Jax doesn’t say anything in response, she doesn’t feel ready to— and, much to her relief, Azzanadra does not ask that much of her, either. Instead, she allows herself to feel soothed by the low rumble of his baritone voice, as he continues to speak, “I suppose I owe you an apology, of sorts. I have neglected to disclose… Certain information with you, and I’ve put you in this emotional state, as a result.”
“ Mmh, ” Jaxyys mumbles, her voice stifled by the fabric she’s buried against. She’s immensely thankful that Azzanadra does not ask her for clarification of any kind, her words failing her as she slowly regains some semblance of stability amongst her thoughts. She wants to tell Azzanadra that an apology isn’t worth it, knowing full well that more world ending affairs had taken precedence over casual smalltalk— but the words don’t come out, and she can’t even muster up the energy to force them.
As if reading her mind, Azzanadra spoke again, “Although, I suppose the conflict with the Elder Gods had taken the forefront in terms of priority,” He mused, and Jaxyys gives a pitiful nod against him in agreement— she isn’t sure if he notices, for he doesn’t acknowledge it, only continues, “Nonetheless, it pains me to know that my actions have brought you to this point. I have never wanted to hurt you, Jaxyys.” She feels his grip around her smaller form tighten, just a bit, “I have failed you, in that aspect.” He laments, his voice quieter than Jaxyys had ever heard it. He sounded so defeated, so… Weak.
Jaxyys wanted to ask him so much, anything at all— did he mean every word of what he said, really and truly? When he left her in the dust for Zaros, did he feel reluctant to hurt her, even then? Moreover, what was all of this really supposed to mean for her? What response was he hoping to gain?
None of these questions came to fruition. Not even the quiet urge to comfort him, ridiculous as it was, made it past a fleeting thought in her mind. Instead, Jaxyys nestled her face deeper into the crook of Azzanadra’s elbow, and mumbled quietly, “‘m sorry for hitting you,” Apologizing for something so comparably trivial as though she were a misbehaving child. She felt ridiculous, but with her mental state absolutely spent, it was only natural that she would speak whatever was on the forefront of her mind.
She could have sworn Azzanadra gave a small chuckle in response, low and quiet, “Think nothing of it,” He said, easing Jaxyys’ concern on the subject all at once— not that they were justified concerns, knowing he’d been through much worse in comparison to a slap on the face from a jilted friend. After a short pause, however, the mahjarrat followed up with an unexpected declaration, “And, think nothing of Trindine , either. She is not here right now; it’s just you and I, Jaxyys.”
Jaxyys felt the remainder of pent up tension in her body release, at that statement, dispelling a majority of her worries all at once. For the first time during this confrontation, she finally felt safe enough to truly speak her mind, rather than being held at emotional knifepoint. “ Azzanadra… ” She started, not quite knowing where to begin— all the while, she didn’t dare remove herself from his embrace, not wanting to face him quite yet, lest she start sobbing all over again. “I… I’ve felt this way for a bit over a decade now, and— and I know, that’s barely a blink in comparison to your lifespan—”
“Do not devalue your feelings in such a manner,” Azzanadra interrupted, if only to further dispel any inkling of inadequacy, and Jaxyys allowed him, listening, “I have seen kingdoms burn , empires rise and fall, all in the name of love, of any approximation. A decade, a century, it makes no difference— that, you can be certain of.”
She can’t help when her heart races a stretch more at the taste of validation, though remainders of doubt linger in the back of her mind. After all, it hardly makes any difference how justified her feelings are, Jaxyys only made this confession for one purpose. Finally, she breaks from the embrace, pulling herself away from Azzanadra with little force as his grip around her smaller frame loosens. She still averts her glance, her eyes puffy and irritated from all the crying— she doesn’t want to have to face her friend with that pitiful gaze.
“It doesn’t really matter, though, does it?” She asks, not expecting, or even hoping, to get an answer from her friend— and she resists the urge to look towards him and gauge his expression as she continues speaking, giving way to a desolate conclusion, “It’s not like you can return my feelings, anyway. It means a lot that you want to comfort me like this, but… No matter what, I have to move on.”
The silence grows anew between the two of them, and Jaxyys balls her hands up into fists on her lap. Her eyes are shut in a quiet lament as she allows Azzanadra to take in the declaration, and— she can’t help but flinch a bit, as she suddenly feels his hand, larger and warm, curl around one of her own.
Unable to resist, she looks down towards where he’s reached for her. Then, her gaze drifts upward as he responds.
“I believe it would be wise to move on from this,” He muses, and for a moment, his own gaze falters, to Jaxyys’ surprise, and his brow furrows as he contemplates what to say next, how to word it— the anticipation builds for a moment, before he locks eyes with the World Guardian, once more, “Yes, you should move on, considering that my presence on this world will soon be short-lived,'' He's avoiding addressing something very obvious, Jaxyys knows, she can feel it— and sensing the growing unrest, Azzanadra is drawn to an inevitable confession. “However… For clarification’s sake, not once did I ever imply that I do not return your feelings, Jaxyys.”
To assume that Jaxyys was stunned into silence would be an understatement— her utter shock from such a declaration knocks all sense of vocabulary from her mind. She stares at Azzanadra with wide eyes, her mouth agape on a silent question, begging him to elaborate, to confirm that she wasn’t just hearing things, that she wasn’t crazy. Mercifully, he did just that, upon a delayed realization that he should probably explain himself.
“Although, I suppose I may not return those feelings anywhere near the same intensity of what you feel for me, ” He confessed, to no surprise at all, “I must admit, in your absence, I was forced to come to terms with a rather… Startling realization, after you’d supposedly perished on Iaia.”
Jaxyys’ eyes are locked onto him, even as he averts his gaze again. She registers the hand around her own giving a quick, reassuring squeeze, but for who’s comfort, she can’t tell.
“Zaros had already left. Although I firmly believe that he is out there, somewhere — I cannot deny that in all his wisdom, he has forsaken me… I thought, nothing in this world could possibly wound me more than his abandonment. Your disappearance single handedly dismantled that hypothesis. Without Zaros, I… ” He sighs, shakily— Jaxyys knows he doesn’t need to, but the small gesture seems to center him. “This feels blasphemous to even speak aloud, but— I’d realized I’d been so focused on obediently following the orders of my Lord, I hadn’t realized what precious things remained in his absence, until they were out of my reach. Until you were gone.”
With those words, Jaxyys felt tears well up in her eyes anew, and like clockwork, that violet gaze was back on her, staring into her soul. She still can’t bring herself to say anything, too overcome with the dawning realization that Azzanadra cares about her— that she was more than just an instrument to the Zarosian cause, in his eyes. That he might… Love her. That he hadn’t even realized it, until now, until it was far too late.
Somehow, this felt even worse than a rejection.
Mercilessly, Azzanadra continued, “Of course, I hadn’t the time to properly confront this realization, given the onslaught of demonic invasions, as of late…” Bitterness clear in his tone, he shakes the thought off as soon as it’s brought up, preventing it from angering him any further, “I also hadn’t anticipated that you would be here at all, and I… Jaxyys, ” He reaches out to caress her cheek, and although she wants to pull away from the touch, she finds herself drawn to it, locking eyes with him, her stare vacant as his words consume her. “It was incredibly courageous of you to confess to me, and I am grateful for it. I know now that… It would be a tremendous disservice to label what we have shared, all these years, as strictly platonic, especially by human standards— and while it may be fruitless to pursue it any further, I want this small truth to bring you peace, when I leave this world.”
Truly, Jaxyys had no idea what to make of this utterly vague confession. As the silence drew out between the two of them, Azzanadra’s caress unmoving, his gaze unwavering, it became clear that he had spoken his truth, and had nothing more to say of it.
For the second time that day, the World Guardian felt herself snap. For the second time that day, Jaxyys came to terms with the fact that none of this ever mattered — and with that in mind, what consequences were there to worry about, really?
Screw it.
She lunged forward, and locked her lips against Azzanadra’s, clumsily and forcefully— she felt him reel back for a moment, before his hands inevitably found purchase around her waist, and with her arms draped across his shoulders, he returned the kiss with equal ferocity. Years of pent up emotion between the two, romantic or otherwise, had finally come to surface in a touch starved display of affection that neither of them could deny themselves any longer.
Jaxyys reluctantly pulls away a few seconds into the deep kiss— both to catch her breath, and to beg a question, “Tell me this is real,” She asks, fixing her gaze onto Azzanadra with utmost intensity, “Tell me you’re not just saying this to make me feel better, please— ”
It was obvious, in that moment, that no words could possibly offer up a coherent enough answer, not enough to justify the intense emotion shared between the two of them— instead, Azzanadra reeled Jaxyys back into the kiss in response. She didn’t protest, and kissed back, relishing in the feeling of a pointed fang snagging onto her bottom lip, in a needy display that had pride swelling in her chest like nothing before.
Cursing her human nature, the kiss was short lived— breathlessly, she began to pull away, the contact reduced to a few more short pecks shared between them, before dispersing into nothing at all. To her great surprise, when she attempted to initiate a third, Azzanadra belatedly protested, “Enough,” He commanded in a hushed tone, gently pulling away an inch— considerable enough of an amount to have Jaxyys reel herself back as well. “We shouldn’t be doing this.” He confessed.
The meek end to their affection drew a defeated sigh out of Jaxyys. Her eyes shut, and her face felt so flushed that she might’ve been lightheaded, she couldn’t tell— she only vaguely registered when Azzanadra stroked his thumb across her cheek, the digit searing against her skin.
“Hush now,” He soothed, and Jaxyys had to wonder why, until she came to the delayed realization that she was crying again— tears streaked down her face, and Azzanadra carefully brushed them aside— she felt herself relax into his touch, a twisted concoction of elation and grief pooled in her chest.
She leaned against him, burying herself into his sleeve once more, and he returned the contact with an embrace. “We could have had so much more time ,” Jaxyys lamented, humiliated at how her voice broke, her words faltered, but what was the point in feeling any more self conscious? She’d already completely given up control, made a fool of herself beyond repair— she truly had nothing left, nothing but sorrow.
To her surprise, Azzanadra barely contemplated her grievances for more than a moment, providing an answer to ease her worries instantly, as though he’d already put thought into it prior. “No,” He said, pulling Jaxyys an inch closer, “Since the moment we first met, you and I were headed down different paths. My ascension was further evidence of this undeniable fact,” He explained, and although Jaxyys wanted to hear none of it, she knew that she had no choice but to listen, and accept it for what it was. “I firmly believe that, regardless of the possible circumstances we would face, in any scenario… You and I would always find ourselves right here, right now, doomed to fail.” He trailed off, his tone shifted into something quieter, and equally sorrowful.
It was a dismal conclusion to come to, but, in a macabre sense, it was also comforting. To believe that, no matter what could have been done differently, what could have changed — to think that there was no better outcome for the two of them… Jaxyys felt an odd sense of relief at the thought, knowing that there would be nothing to regret, should it be true— that this was the best it could be, for them both. And against all odds, they’d achieved it.
“After all,” Azzanadra continued, much to Jaxyys’ surprise— and as he spoke, he pulled away from the embrace, “Our inevitable separation would have only brought upon you more grief, on the off chance that we’d have initiated something sooner .” He said, the seriousness of his tone driving in the truth of that statement, although as Jaxyys met his eyes, she swore she could catch a hint of sadness in his amethyst gaze, despite his supposed acceptance of this horrid scenario.
Still, Jax would have been lying if she thought that his words brought her no solace— regardless of how empty it was. She glanced down at her hands, which had fallen onto her lap with no purchase. Azzanadra’s own grip rested on her shoulders, his thumb absentmindedly rubbing small circles into the muscle there.
Jaxyys couldn’t help but let out a short, defeated chuckle. “This sucks, ” She announced, utterly deadpan. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the hint of an amused smirk tease Azzanadra’s chiseled features, and her lips curled into a meek smile in response. Finally, for the first time in ages, Jax felt that she was on an equal playing field with the God before her.
Not a beat later, Azzanadra finally stood from where he was knelt on the marble floor, his grip loosened from Jaxyys’ shoulders and fell away from them, in favor of holding out a hand in her direction, to help her up— Jax couldn’t refuse, grabbing onto Azzanadra’s much larger hand as she anchored herself upright, her legs felt nonexistent beneath her. She faltered for a bit, lucky that the mahjarrat before her had offered his much larger frame as something to lean against.
“ How are your legs not asleep? We were down there forever, ” Jaxyys prodded— though she surmised the overwhelming amount of nervousness she’d managed through didn’t exactly help her cause— in truth, her whole body felt devoid of energy, after all the tears she had shed. Her chest felt sore, and she vaguely registered a growing headache behind her eyes.
Against her, Azzanadra shrugged, “Perks of ascension, I suppose,” He mused, grabbing hold of Jaxyys by the waist to provide her with further stability. “At any rate, I assume you want to leave this desolate husk of a citadel?” He asked.
Jax couldn’t help but raise a brow in suspicion, “You have literal demons to fight, and yet, you’re still worried about me? ” She asked, her tone heavy with utter disbelief— as though this was the revelation to be taken aback by, of all the confessions made thus far. In addition, Jaxyys suddenly found herself feeling very conscious of all the (possibly crucial) time that she’d taken up already, time that Azzanadra could have been using to provide assistance towards the battle on the land down below…
“Saradomin and Armadyl have means of contacting me, should trouble befall the two of them— not to mention, I am a considerably weaker, inexperienced God, in comparison.” While Azzanadra’s aim was to dispel Jaxyys’ worries, she wanted to protest, he was referring to himself as dead weight, and she wanted so badly to tell him that he shouldn’t sell himself so short, regardless of the facts. Nonetheless, she remained silent as he continued, “My priority right now is to ascertain your wellbeing; I would wager that it is of equal, if not greater importance— especially given the tasks that lie ahead of you.”
With that, any ounce of protest left Jax’s mind entirely— he was right, after all. She had a God to fight soon, in tried and true combat; none of the stalling and biding of time that came with combatting Seren, or the bait and misdirection that resulted in the death of Jas. With Zamorak as the next obstacle ahead, Jaxyys couldn’t deny that she needed to be in the best shape possible— physically, mentally, emotionally…
Not wanting to dwell on that slightly frightening fact for a moment longer, a smile tugged at the corner of Jaxyys’ mouth as she thought of how to lighten the mood. “You just want an excuse to catch up, outside of all this emotional baggage,” She joked— she was granted no words from Azzanadra in return, although he didn’t pull away from her at all as she drew closer into his embrace, shutting her eyes. “I guess we could take this somewhere else…” She mused.
Azzanadra waited in anticipation for any suggestion at all. For Jaxyys, one place in particular came to mind…
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The temporary living situation she’d set up for herself in Senntisten had barely been touched in her absence, to Jaxyys’ surprise. A makeshift room that had previously been an office of sorts, on the upper floor of the Cathedral, it was just as haphazardly put together as she’d left it— granted, she hadn’t the time to come by and discreetly clean up after herself, lest she give herself away whilst undercover.
Still, it baffled her to imagine that not even Azzanadra had come up here— this was practically his Cathedral, after all. Had he been unable to bring himself back to this place, after he’d gotten word of what happened on Iaia? Was Jaxyys’ supposed death really emotionally taxing, to such a degree?
She had half a mind to feel bad, but it couldn’t be helped. She shook her head clean of the thoughts as she stepped into the untouched room once more. Behind her, Azzanadra followed like a shadow, not letting her out of his sight again, as though she would disappear once more, the moment he took his eyes off of her.
“Of all the places to seek solace,” He murmured, catching Jaxyys’ attention as she brushed dust off of her makeshift bed— she looked over her shoulder at him, “I have to wonder why you’ve chosen to return here . Does it not bring you a sense of melancholy?” He asked.
“Why, because of the Elder God issue?” Jaxyys questioned in return, as she sat down onto the bed after it was significantly dusted to her liking, “Now that you mention it, the stress of that whole ordeal does kinda resurface, now that I’m back here, but I don’t mind too much,” She scooted herself over on the poor excuse for a mattress, gestured for Azzanadra to sit beside her, “And it’s not like I can take you back to where I’ve been staying recently— that’d be… Kinda awkward.” She shuddered at the mere thought.
Azzanadra couldn’t help but raise a brow, interest piqued by such a vague statement. The mattress beneath Jaxyys shifted slightly as he sat beside her, mere inches apart. “You’ve just reminded me,” He mused, Jax tilted her head, listening intently, “I ought to ask, where have you been, all this time?” She’d partially hoped that he wouldn’t ask anything along those lines at all, but she didn’t protest as he continued. “After all, you’re the World Guardian — you’re Jaxyys — of all the people to disappear without a trace entirely, and lay undetected for such an amount of time… You are the last person I’d expect to accomplish such a feat.”
Jaxyys furrowed her brows, and breathed out a short chuckle, “I really can’t tell if that’s an insult or a compliment,” She replied, elbowing Azzanadra lightly, and she averted her gaze briefly as she spoke, “I guess I am kinda showboaty, but… I had quite a bit of help, going off the radar, from someone with a lot of experience on the subject.” She met eyes with Azzanadra once more, feeling as ready as she could be, to tell him the truth. “You remember Charos?” She asked.
Azzanadra thought for a moment, before nodding, “Yes,” He said, and left it at that, much to Jaxyys’ chagrin. She supposed that she would have to explain herself further, then… But, where to start?
“Well, you see,” She began, feeling her face heat up, and she had to tear her gaze away from Azzanadra once more, “He and I— We’ve… ” Her words failed her, and she couldn’t help but wring her hands together nervously as she chased after them, to no avail. Defeated, her hands fell to her lap.
A moment of incredibly awkward silence stretched between the two, before it seemed as though something crucial finally clicked for Azzanadra, and Jaxyys felt one of his hands encompass her own. “I see,” He murmured quietly, drawing Jaxyys’ attention back towards him— now he was the one averting his gaze, and Jax couldn’t help but feel a twinge of guilt brewing in her chest.
“You aren’t upset?” With little thought, the question fell from her lips before she could think it through, and she immediately felt awful for even asking it. Much to her relief, Azzanadra only shrugged in response, his expression near vacant per usual.
“I see no reason to be,” He answered, “As I’ve stated, this is the best possible outcome for us both. If anything, I’m relieved you’ve found another to fall back on,” His words were uttered in a calm tone, but the manner in which his hand around her own squeezed an ounce tighter betrayed his stoic exterior— Jaxyys decided not to press at this matter, and instead took his words at face value.
He’s always had a bad habit of holding back, Jaxyys thought, either for Zaros, or for some other purpose. Has he ever actually gotten what he really wanted? Has he ever let himself have it?
She stifled the growing sorrow she felt for the mahjarrat beside her, instead electing to shut her eyes, draw her knees up towards her chest, heels planted onto the mattress as she leaned herself against Azzanadra— and he gave no protest, the hand that had cradled her own retreated in favor of him wrapping an arm across her shoulders, drawing her in towards him protectively.
“Right now, I just wanna fall back onto you ,” Jaxyys whispered, “Is that okay?”
Azzanadra fell silent, Jaxyys could have sworn his breath hitched for a moment. Her head pressed against his chest, she idly wondered, if she listened close enough, if his heart would be racing just as fast as her own… “As you wish,” He complied, cradling her against his larger form as though she were something rare, and precious. “You needn’t feel any pity for me, Jaxyys— I’ve brought this fate upon myself. In the aspect of partnership, I… Once more, I have undeniably failed you.” He lamented, “And perhaps, it isn’t worth the sorrow— perhaps I’m simply not meant to play that sort of role. I only wish my failure hadn’t brought you so much grief , all this time.”
To Azzanadra’s surprise, Jaxyys trembled in his embrace— not with sobs or sadness, but with small, stifled laughter. She wondered if the display brought him relief, or worry, suspicion that she’d finally, fully gone insane. To dispel any possible concerns, she explained herself, “You’re just now realizing that you aren’t boyfriend material?” She asked, half jokingly, before craning her neck upward to meet his eyes, “Azzanadra, it’s alright . I think I’ll be alright. I want you to be alright, too.” She said, trying her best to reassure him— she hoped it was a good enough effort.
In return, Azzanadra couldn’t help but return her smile, for a brief moment, “I suppose you are in rather capable hands— be it his , or your own. ” He said, and Jaxyys was thankful for the validation; Charos was wonderful, but if she’s learnt anything at all, during her years on Gielinor, during her time as an adventurer, it was that she hadn’t ever needed another to complete her. Still, she remained silent and watched as Azzanadra’s gaze left hers, and he stared straight ahead. “This doesn’t need to be said, but if it means anything at all to you, let it be known that you undoubtedly have my blessing.”
Jaxyys couldn’t help but sigh— the declaration, the validation of her newfound happiness— it felt weirdly bittersweet, like bidding goodbye to an entire era of her life. Albeit, it was the closure she needed, and she knew that she’d be thanking Charos for this later, but… That didn’t soften the blow any less. She stared straight ahead as well, “I guess we’ve always been worlds apart, edicts or no.” She mused, a tone of melancholy heavy in her voice. “Maybe… Maybe I just shouldn’t do them at all. Find another way,” She suggested, only half serious.
“ No, ” Azzanadra shut down the quiet musings almost immediately, in a firm tone, “If it’s not you reinstating the edicts, then I’m certain someone else will, somehow, in the future. They are an inevitability at this point,” He paused, as though he was struggling to come to terms with something, before declaring, “ They… It’s for the best. You and I both know that, all too well.”
The conclusion he’d arrived at was laced with utter defeat. Jaxyys very well knew the reason— as much as this banishment of divine beings was a supposed inevitability, if not now, then later… It was never something that either her or Azzanadra could have anticipated coming to fruition, especially not within her own lifetime. Not when it felt like only yesterday that they’d been in Guthix’s resting place, contemplating waking him if only to bargain with him.
No, this wasn’t what either of them wanted, not now, and not all those years ago. It couldn’t be helped.
“Y’know,” Jaxyys spoke, breaking the poignant silence that’d grown between the two of them, while lost in thought. “While I was on Iaia, when the revision happened… I learned a lot. A lot of things that I didn’t want to learn, but I know now that I needed to,” She explained, looking down at her own hands, palms open, “I realized that… This power that I’ve been chasing all these years, that I’ve been clinging to— that gives me a sense of identity, ” She clenched her fists, “It could transform me into a monster beyond all imagination. The very thing that I’d supposedly been fighting against —” Her hands dropped to her sides, limp. She looked up at Azzanadra, her eyes glossy, “Reinstating the edicts will take this power away from me. I won’t be the World Guardian anymore, but… What’ll be left of me, then?”
Azzanadra looked down towards her, his eyes wide as he contemplated the revelation, trying to muster up the best possible way to dispel her fears. The answer he came to was simple, his gaze softened as he reached for Jaxyys’ hand, “You will be Jaxyys, once more.” He said, “An immensely strong, capable, beautiful woman, with or without the esteemed title of World Guardian, and the aura of heroism that accompanied it.” He brought her hand up to his lips, kissed the back of it softly, “You have always been, and will continue to be, the dear friend who I am incredibly proud of.”
A lump formed in Jaxyys’ throat, she felt her mouth run dry, and tears welled up in her eyes for what may very well have been the millionth time that day— for her own good, she drew her gaze away from Azzanadra’s. He allowed her hand to fall back to her side, before drawing her into the embrace ever more.
“I’ve had the privilege of knowing you since before you were granted that power— regardless of the strength it has provided you with, I am well aware of just how strong you are without it. You’ve accomplished feats that have been labeled impossible, you’ve saved countless lives— including mine . In more ways than one.” As he spoke, Jaxyys felt the protective embrace enveloping her, reluctant to let go, “When I am gone, when your powers fade… Live freely. Live unabashedly. Be well, and enjoy the small miracles of this world; they now survive, because of you. ”
The tears that had welled up anew began to stream down her face, uncontrollably— she allowed it to happen, and no sobs accompanied the display of intense emotion. Instead, Jaxyys closed her eyes, leaned fully against her dear friend, and allowed herself to smile.
The peace would be short lived. But, while it was still here, Jaxyys wanted to treasure it.