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Day 56 of 2022’s summer
Day 1 of our big family annual summer trip
Here we go again, sketching on the beach again, ignoring those big families again, avoiding their crowd again. Stay away from them as much as possible.
Did I hate this trip? No. Definitely not. The food is great. It was nice, festive, and a lot. A lot, a lot, like they never run out of those foods. The food is heaven.
But the crowd still makes me anxious. I don’t like people asking me about my life, what I am doing now, am I doing good, my friends, my love interest, and so on. I know i could just answer them with simple words like yes, no, i’m fine, and all but it’s just i have literally zero energy for that chit-chat. And rather than hiding in my room, it would be better if I hid on the beach.
I know, I know, this beach here is not like clear blue, with white sand and calming asmr-perfect waves and great rays of sunshine, like how people imagine it as a ‘perfect beautiful beach’. This one definitely is not it. This one is not what I mentioned just now. This beach has small, small waves, less people, dogs, gray-ish sand, gray-ish water, definitely not in people’s criteria of nice beach. This one is more like a calm local beach for those who are avoiding crowds like me.
This is perfect., at least for me.
I was kinda great actually watching the failed cloudy sunset, slow waves, with these soft breezes hitting my face. Another normal day in the summer trip, I thought. Until this random smiley dude came. With that captivating face the entire world would love and the way he politely having a chit-chat with some grannies on the other side, I know today would not be the same normal day in the summer trip.
I hate to admit this but yes, i pay attention to him, even every detail on him. His jet black hair, his honey smile, the legendary whisker, and how he politely interacts with those grannies. He sure is a sweet guy, like the type of guy who has a 20/10 level of kindness.
Gorgeous, he’s gorgeous.
And I never did this before, observing someone. Never to a person who is not my drawing subject, or my photography subject.
Or, this is a sign that he should be my drawing subject.
Five minutes of admiring this sweet guy, he somehow surprisingly came to my direction. Like casually walking towards me. I think he knows that I look at him a lot. Ooh. This makes me anxious. I tried to look away from him, tried to make myself busy with the pencil and sketchbook on my lap. But he still did come and sit next to me.
“Hey,” he greeted. Then he smiles. Oh. I don’t think I would survive sitting next to him.
“Hi,” I greeted him back.
“Here for a solo trip or…?”
“Family trip.”
“Oh. So… you have to go back for dinner or…?”
“Or?”
“Or… uh… My family helds a big dinner with these grannies and two grannies went absent so we got too much food so i’m inviting you to join. How about that?”
I’m thinking… There must be a crowd which I don't like but there’s this boy that I like. I don’t like to say yes to dinner with a lot of people but I cannot miss the chance to get to know more about this sweet guy. So yes, I nodded my head and said yes.
“Yes! Thank you!” He then pulls my arm, leading me all the way to his house.
“My name is Jaehyuk! Please remember that! You’re gonna be coming to dinner as my friend.”
“I’m Asahi.”
“Morning sunlight. That’s a great name.”
Oh. Wow. How did he even know that?
But anyways, he holds my hand so tight and I don't think he plans to let go of my hand anytime soon. So I smiled behind his back and cheered inside my heart, what a wonderful decision I made.
Arriving at his house, there’s like five grannies sitting in the living room. They all keep their eyes on us. They’re like amazed or what since they kinda look at me with those surprised and curious gaze. I feel like they are making questions in their head already. Oh. Not a good thing.
But then this guy/man/dude/boy next to me suddenly holds my hand tighter. “It’s fine. They just never see me bring a friend home.”
I just nod my head. Is it just my feeling or do I feel like he knows me so well?
“Well, grandmas, this is my friend Asahi. He’ll join us for dinner today,” Jaehyuk introduces me. I shyly bow to them and smile real quick.
“Oooh yeah, nice.” They all have a good reaction for me. They even clapped.
After that we went to the dining table. The food was amazing, of course. I don’t remember all the names of the food and how they were cooked but it was delicious. Jaehyuk’s parents are also treating me sweetly, warmly, just like how their son treats everyone.
Everyone, I repeated for myself. He’s being nice to everyone.
After the delightful dinner Jaehyuk asks me to go out to their swimming pool. We sat there, feets dipped in the water. Between me and Jaehyuk, there’s this tiny 4cm distance. I put my hand on my lap, he put his hand beside his body.
“So… What do you usually do during your family trip?”
“I…Uh… I ran away from it,” I answered honestly.
Jaehyuk lets out a chuckle. “Ooooh. That’s why I often see you on the beach!”
“Often see me on the beach? Didn’t we just meet today?”
“Ooh. Right, right.” Then he suddenly became awkward.
But Jaehyuk was right. I often come to the beach. What if he was right? What if it’s just me who didn’t pay attention to him before? So I asked him, “Do you come here often?”
“Yeah. My grandma lives here, so we come back every summer.”
I nodded my head. If he comes back every summer, how come I never met him before.
“It’s kinda late now, do you want to go home?”
I just nodded my head again. This situation, however, is really awkward. We don’t have any topic to talk about and I'm a little bit sleepy today. Maybe because of the food, my tummy’s very full.
“I’ll drive you home.”
“No, it’s okay, I'm fine.”
“I don’t accept ‘no’ as an answer and I’ll drive my guest home, okay?”
“O-okay…” I answered hestitanly.
Well, well I'm glad that he drives safely to my house. Then we exchanged our phone numbers and he also asked me to meet him again tomorrow evening at the beach. Of course i said yes
There’s a long two minutes of admiring each other’s eyes before he finally says goodbye. Apparently goodbye is still not the end. He still hasn’t turned around walking to his car and I still haven't gotten into my house. I don’t know, man, my feets, they’re like glued to the asphalt.
“I-I’ll go inside,” I said awkwardly.
“Yeah, sure. Good night, sleep tight. See you tomorrow!” he said.
And that was a perfect lullaby for me. Thank you, Jaehyuk.
Day 57 of 2022’s summer
Day 2 of our big family annual summer trip
I woke up this morning with a wide smile portrayed on my face. I slept really tight and woke up to the ray of sunshine shining through the curtain. They look warm and nice. I do my morning routine (brush my teeth, wash my face, etc, etc). Then I sneak down stairs, making a simple sandwich, stealing some chips from the cabinet and putting it all in my bag.
“Asahi!” Mom’s calling.
“Remember we’re having a party tonight! Make sure to come back before 6!”
“Okay, mom,” I replied.
Then I happily march to the beach. Can’t wait to meet him.
There, he waited with his back facing me, face facing the beach. I don’t know why but his back does look cool.
“Hi!” I greeted.
“Hi!” I immediately sat next to him after he greeted me.
“What are you hiding in that big bag?” he points at my bag. So I unpacked my bag, gave him the sandwich that I made and opened up the chips bag for us.
“Let’s eat this,” I say.
“Thank you! Wow, this is very delicious. The most delicious sandwich I ever had.” He’s overreacting, I know. The sandwich is not that delicious, it’s just ‘not bad’.
“I’m glad you like it.”
“Thank you for coming,” he said, suddenly, still slipping a smile in between his munch.
“Yeah.” I suddenly could feel my cheek turning red and there’s this indescribable heat inside it. I was so embarrassed that I had to munch my sandwich while looking down to my toes. I can’t, everytime he smiles, I feel like my world stops for a while.
We then talk about ourselves for nearly an hour. He talks about his family, the grannies, his house in the city, what he did for life and about the kids he likes to play with in the park. I talk about me, my family, my interest in drawings, art, photography. It is so much fun getting to know him as we talk.
“What if we surprise the kids?” Jaehyuk suddenly says. His eyes focusses on Asahi, waiting for his reaction.
“The kids you’re talking about?”
“Yeah!” He excitedly nods his head and makes a big smile.
“Okay, let’s go!”
Then he excitedly again dragged my hand to his bicycle. He lets me sit in the back while he rides the bicycle.
This is actually my first time agreeing to someone asking me to play with kids again since maybe two years ago or so. Playing with kids is so much fun, it could make my inner child happy too. But the thing is, I cannot match their level of energy any more. In the end I feel like I'm just an adult who needs more sleep. I could sleep all day and be very thankful for that, it’s making my adult self happy.
“Ouch!” I clenched my hand to the edge of the rear seat I sat on. The road is not that smooth but i think i still could handle it.
Until Jaehyuk half shouted and said, “ for your own safety, I suggest you hold on to my waist.”
“No… Uh… Thank you! It’s fine. I’m okay,” I replied.
Then Jaehyuk stops his bike. He looked back at me, greeted me with a smile first before he said something. “Please hold on to my waist. The road could be very bumpy and you could lose your balance anytime… I’m sorry I just wanna make sure you’re safe.”
I stayed quiet for a while, purely because I didn't know what I should do. But then Jaehyuk opens his mouth again. He sighs. “Right. I'm sorry if I make you uncomfortable. I could just ride my bike slower instead.”
I open my mouth and close it again. That is bad because look at me, I couldn't even handle this small thing like this. I can feel Jaehyuk slowering his ride. He’s just being considerate, care for my safety. I feel like I'm the one who’s being selfish here. It’s not that i don’t want to hold on to his waist, it’s just i don’t think i can do this yet to a friend i met just for two days. Or is it the fact that I like him that’s making me like this… nervous. This feeling is confusing for sure.
So with both of my hands, I hesitantly hold on to his shirt.
My heart is thumping crazily. Relax bro, I told my heart. We’re just holding on to his shirt.
About five seconds later, Jaehyuk catches my right hand on his shirt. He brings my hand to the front of his stomach. “You can bring your left hand here too.”
So I do. I bring my left hand to the front meeting my right hand and I officially hold on to his waist. Wait, no. I hugged him. Just like what couples usually do riding bicycles together. Minus my head is not leaning on his back. Because I felt like I shouldn't do those kinds of things yet. You know, the level two physical contacts.
Oh, yeah about my heart…. I think they’re definitely gone down to my stomach already. I don’t know, maybe my heart goes running all around my body since I kinda feel my whole body thumping together just like my heart did.
Jaehyuk parks the bicycle in the bicycle parking lot near the park. Before meeting the kids, whose loud cheerful voice can already be heard from afar, Jaehyuk stops by the supermarket to buy them candy.
Next, Jaehyuk happily walks to the park. He greeted the kids, giving away the candies and playing with them. He’s so sweet to the kids, they play along like friends. They’re having fun. While I'm walking around having fun with my camera. Capturing these moments of Jaehyuk with kids. He makes some jokes for the kids, sliding down the slide with them, playing tag, playing hide and seek, talking about dinosaurs, unicorns, and other topics I couldn't catch up with.
He might be tired, running here and there trying to catch up with the kids, but never, I see his smile fades away from his lips. He’s so sweet to the kids to the point that I know he would be a great dad for his kids later.
Glad I caught all those moments in my camera.
Then the kids go home and the sun gets down. Jaehyuk lies down beside me with heavy breathing and sweat running everywhere on his face. “I think I used up 200% of my energy.”
“You did a great job!” I said whilst smiling like a proud friend.
I look at him lying beside me. His bangs are wet with sweat. His cheek is as red as tomatoes due to the heat. But still looking incredibly cute.
“Are you free after this?” I ask.
“Yeah.”
“Okay then, let’s come to my house.”
Jaehyuk suddenly gets up and looks at me in disbelief. “Let’s go!” Both hands clenched up, very excited.
We decided not to ride the bicycle and just walk side by side instead. It’s nice to walk with Jaehyuk like this. Especially when we went to walk beside the beach. The saltwater breeze blowing, the smell of clean, fresh, and coastal air lingering, his presence beside me, the small chit chat we’re having, it all compliments each other perfectly.
I like this moment so much. I like that we can walk slowly while talking and laughing. I love that just small things like this can make me feel closer to him. And subconsciously made me like him even more. And I admit that I love liking him.
I thought there will be no moment that can top the moment when we’re walking home just now, another moment happens. I thought there would be no thing that could make my heart run all over my body thumping like the time I hugged his waist on the bike.
I thought the moment that he approached me on the beach yesterday was the most miraculous thing that happened to me this summer. I thought that being with him for 12 hours today is the farthest this relationship could go. We went beyond what I thought was the farthest and that twelve hours suddenly turns into 24 hours.
We sneak into my room. Luckily everyone is in the backyard throwing a BBQ party. Kitchen is surprisingly empty since my sister and her cousin usually gossip in the kitchen hahaha. They need to stay away for a while from the moms. Everyone seems to be busy outside.
After I hid Jaehyuk in my room, I went down to the kitchen to cook instant ramyeon for us too. I hurriedly cooked the ramyeon and brought it to my bedroom without even having an intention to move the noodles into a proper ramen bowl. I knocked on the door twice so that Jaehyuk could open the door for me. I took out the ramyeon seasoning from my trouser pocket and started pouring it into the pot. We stir it together, then there we go, eating everything up like a greedy mouse.
So far we’re good, nobody sees us. Nobody cares about me cooking in the kitchen either. We’re just here eating peacefully. And i think this is the best instant ramyeon i’ve ever taste.
After we finished our ramyeon, I asked him: “Do you want to play games? Or watch movies?” I ask because I really don’t know what’s next.
But then what’s next is far from what I imagined. Jaehyuk suddenly moved to sit next to me. He came slightly closer and closer until I could clearly feel his breath brushing on my face. Now that he’s just 4 cm away, I kinda have a hard time breathing. I know you guys think I'm too much but I kinda worry about my ramyeon smell-like breath.
No, I actually worried about a lot of things. But in this kind of situation where your crush’s face is only one kiss away in front of you, I swear your brain couldn’t really think about anything. But on the other side inside your ribcage, your heart is about to explode. You’re basically dying. But then your brain suddenly comes back to your senses and whispers to you in your ear: ‘you can’t die in front of this beautiful man which you named him ‘crush’’.
That’s when your whole common sense comes back.
So your eyes blink twice and you realize that his thumb is on your lip already. He’s brushing it gently until I feel bad for him because my lips are probably too dry.
“May I?” he asks.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
But I nod.
With his hand still on my cheek, I let him kiss my lip. A simple three second kiss. My first kiss.
He leaned back a few cm, trying to avoid my gaze. I would do the same actually. I would probably look anywhere but the eyes after kissing someone.
This is not like the usual feeling I've ever had, but i haven’t satisfied. So with all the bravery I've kept my whole life, I catch his cheek, bring his face to face mine then kiss him again.
This time longer, softer and slower.
I feel like the earth turns slower and I like it.
Our kiss became more intense every second. I mean, ‘intense’ for a first kiss. It’s not like ‘wild’, still enjoyable and comfortable. Introduction stage, I might say.
Then his tongue slowly began to travel all around my mouth so I did the same and we ended up chuckling together because we’re definitely not a pro. Our teeth countlessly knocking on each other
“First time?” I ask to take some break. I'm still smiling a little bit embarrassed from our mistake.
He nods with a smile.
“It’s my first time too,” I say.
“I guess we’re just copying things from the movies.”
“I agree.”
“That’s okay. Let’s be better next time,” I say firmly.
“O-ooh, you’re so sure about next time, huh?” He raises one of his eyebrows. Sexy. Even sexier when he silenced me with his kiss.
The second stage starts. Let’s say this time we’re bolder.
The kiss went smoother and smoother, less teeth knocking and less wrong steps. We’re slightly more pro hahaha. Lesson learned from the movies, I guess. In the nth second of the second stage I decided to put my hand under his t-shirt. Probably the boldest decision I ever made. I slowly trailed up and down on his spine until Jaehyuk decided to take off his own clothes. So I took mine off too.
Then we stopped for a while. Me admiring his upper body while he too, admiring mine. We’re looking at each other for a second and laughing like a dork.
And when I was too fixated on Jaehyuk's body, Jaehyuk took the opportunity to suddenly lunge at me. He made me lie on the floor in a split second with one of his right hand protecting my head and his left hand supporting his body right next to my face.
I widened my eyes in shock.
He’s so pretty. He’s so pretty. He’s sooooooo preeeettyyyy. Gorgeous, beautiful, still not mine. Will be mine, I hope.
“Let’s stop right here,” he says.
“Why?”
“We’ll save it for next time.” He smiles again. The smile somehow assured me there’ll be next time. Yeah I don’t have any reason not to smile back. His smile is so charming.
Then after making me lie on the floor he got up and moved to the bed. Who are you, dude? But stupidly I still followed him to bed. Arriving at the bed, Jaehyuk immediately opened my blanket then buried his face below the blanket. He lies on my bed with his back facing me. Maybe he’s trying to hide from me. I don’t know.
Well, maybe you'll be annoyed reading this because we're not doing things until morning comes. But personally, I understand the situation. I understand Jaehyuk. We’re just not ready… yet.
I joined him in bed, sitting next to a giant cocoon wrapped in my gray blanket. “You’re sleeping?”
Instead of a verbal answer, I get a shake-shake wiggle under the blanket, which means: no, he hasn’t slept yet. “Okay…” I answered back. “You can sleep here if you want.”
“I am trying to sleep here actually,” he replied, still not showing his face.
Our conversation stops here I guess. I stayed quiet since I thought he’s sleeping. So I opened my tablet and started to watch a movie. I can’t sleep, okay? But like can you sleep after having your first kiss though? Especially when it happens with someone you truly like. The type of first kiss that you would ever regret.
I picked a movie from my movie list, which today happened to be Josee, The Tiger and The fish. My colleague actually recommended this movie to me. She said Josee is somehow similar to me; having our own world, mind full of imagination, and a good painter. A good movie to watch before sleeping, she said.
I watch half through the movie with half lidded eyes, countless yawns and a thought of stopping the movie since I feel like I'm sleepy enough to sleep. But then my left shoulder is getting heavier. And there's a little tickle of hair on my neck. Jaehyuk is there.
He’s leaning on my shoulder, eyes on the movie. “You’re not sleeping?”
“Apparently it’s hard to sleep tonight.”
“Me too.”
I look at Jaehyuk once again. His hair is ruffled and he still hasn’t worn his top. “You should wear your t-shirt or you’ll catch a cold.” I tried to remind him.
“I like you,” he randomly mumbled.
“Yes?”
“I like you.” This time a solid statement.
Hearing that, I immediately turned off the film and put my tablet on the nightstand. Jaehyuk, who was leaning on my shoulder, flinched in surprise. My blood is really running here and there all over my body. My cheeks went red, for sure. Like I said before, I'm basically dying.
I looked him straight in the eye, with a slight quiver in my voice, I finally managed to get the words that got stuck on my throat out all this time.
“I like you too.”
I saw him smiling a different smile from before. This time contains a triumph, I suppose. A triumph for both of us, indeed.
“Do you want it next time or-”
“Now,” I boldly answer.
The next few minutes we went completely naked.
Day 58 of 2022’s summer
Day 3 of our big family annual summer trip
My phone rang loudly and that’s how I woke up. The ray of sunshine is heavily invading my room from the tiny little gap between the window and the curtain. That’s how I know I'm late. I'm supposed to go back to the city and go to work today. But whatever, I'm not going to make it anyway.
“Yaaah! You know what time it is?”
My sister on the phone.
“I know,” I answered calmly. “I’ll text my boss and I'll come to the office tomorrow.”
“Right. And that boy in your room, everyone knows about him already. So you better bring him down for breakfast.”
Oh shit.
“H-how… How do they know?”
“You did know you’re loud last night right?”
Oh shit (2).
“But I did my best not to scream out loud even though it hurts so much like-?”
“My room is beside yours. And no, I think the whole family didn’t really hear it but they saw a bike and shoes, two missing ramyeon, a missing pot, and you didn’t show up at yesterday's party. So I made an explanation, I told them you’re at your room with someone. But don’t worry, everyone's reaction isn’t bad. You got a partner to go isolate to.”
I smile throughout my sister’s longest sentence I've ever heard. Growing up sticking more to my little sister makes me feel like there’s some distance between me and her. Back then it was always a teenager and two kids, an adult and two teenagers, then finally two adults and a teenager. That’s how we get closer.
“Get yourself a hot bath before coming down to meet everyone else, okay? I know how it hurts.”
“Yeah. Thank you.”
“Sahi-yah. The boy. Is he nice?”
I chuckled a bit. “He is. He’s very nice. And polite. And gorgeous.”
“You seem to love him so much already.”
I laugh a bit. “Maybe I am?”
“Alright enjoy the day.”
“Thanks. Bye.”
I put my phone back to the nightstand. I hug my blanket tight, barely moving cause apparently it is still hurt down there. Also, Jaehyuk is back hugging me from behind. His chin is on my shoulder, his arms wrap around my waist. I can still feel the same touch like last night. Warm and safe.
“Good morning…” he whispered. I can feel his warm soft breath in between my neck and shoulder. A very good thing to start a morning.
“Morning.”
“So… They know about us already?” he asks. Which makes me a bit surprised because it turns out he can listen to my conversation with my sister.
I turned my body facing him. A little bit slower but I can still do it. “Seems like you’ve been awake for a long time, huh?”
He gives me a nod. Then a smile. Then a fresh sleepy morning face. Then a whole sudden realization for me that i am indeed very lucky to wake up next to him. So I immediately make a wish to any god that will listen; I want to wake up next to him again. Please.
We went down to eat some breakfast. Nobody was there in the dining room, except for my curious sister who passed through the dining room a lot of time just to peek at us. All my other family is still in their room, maybe still sleeping.
Jaehyuk told me he will drive me home to the city. He’ll pick me up at two. So after having breakfast with him, he went home to pack his belongings and me too, packing mine.
At two he comes back with his car. I sit on the passenger seat, ready to go home. Facing the reality after three days off.
“Thank you for driving me home,” I said as we stopped at the basement of my apartment. I still haven't gotten out of the car. I still wanna be with him, honestly.
“You’re welcome.”
“You should come to my apartment.”
“I will.”
“What if you don’t?”
Jaehyuk took off the ring on his finger. He took my hand and slipped it to my finger. “My grandma gave me this ring. I have been wearing this ring since I was 12 years old so please take good care of this ring.”
Cute. A cute ring with his name engraved on the inside.
“Thank you.” I hug him tight. I don’t want to lose him, really.
He gave me a quick peck on the lips before waving goodbye.
What a good holiday… I got Jaehyuk driving me home. I got his ring on my finger. I got the taste of his lip on my lip, I even got him inside me. I love how I can enjoy romance novel by reading my own diary. It would be nice if we got season 2.