Archive of Our Own

Khun felt conflicted. 

It wasn’t necessarily because of anything unfortunate, no. In fact, it was quite the opposite - too many lucky coincidences had been happening lately. All of their allies had escaped safely. Though it had cost them plenty amount of blood, sweat and tears, they made it out alive. Tired from the mess they were dragged in, they decided to climb the tower like a real team for a while. Jinsung had advised them to do so as well, and he got a good amount of influential FUG members on his side. 

Thus, this was a little amount of peace, a reward for handling Jahad’s pretentious stunts. Khun didn’t like the idea of being dependant on someone else like this, especially when that someone else was the notorious criminal organisation. Not that he had much choice - Bam definitely needed some rest after the whole “marriage tournament” fiasco. Khun knew that he also had to take a break after nearly falling in Rachel’s and Bellerin’s hands. 

Rachel... Whenever she appeared, everything seemed to go downhill. Her betrayal, Bam’s separation, the treachery he had tasted from the members of his team, and now this?  Had she really tried to make him a slave now? 

As if he’d let that happen. 

He would gladly pay her back for simply existing at this point.  

But as much as Khun’s personal grudge kept whispering in his ear to ignore FUG and go after that ugly blonde, he had a greater responsibility than to risk everyone’s safety because of his feelings.  

Before the storm brewing in the tower grew even bigger and dragged them into it completely, they’d take a well-deserved break. Who knows, maybe this was their last opportunity to do so? 

Khun pushed aside his worries about the war and Bam. He let his mind focus on the current floor tests and their newly reunited team. 

Currently, they were on the 61st floor of the tower.  

They were trying to pass the tests as effortlessly as possible. Having a first-hand experience in fighting enemies stronger than them, all it took was a small preparation to pass the test. Obviously, that didn’t mean Khun could let his guard down - each floor was more complicated and harder to pass, and each administrator had a fairly different way of narrowing down on regulars. 

It wasn’t unpredictable - Any member of a great family - especially a Khun, was aware of the games of deception happening inside the tower. That’s why they always trained themselves, both mentally and physically, to be prepared for the worst-case scenario. That’s also the reason their team, uniting all the extraordinary people, climbed the tower in a flash.  

So obviously, everything was expected. However, this specific floor test was really out of place, compared to the usual ones their team encountered. 

Khun looked at the tab opened on his lighthouse. He skimmed through the short paragraph once more. 

Welcome to the 61 st floor, known as the “floor of revealed secrets”, Regulars! Congratulations for successfully passing another floor test and moving up the rank!  

As you’re already aware, participants of a test aren’t allowed to hold information about the test until it begins. However, the administrators of this floor choose to break this rule and inform you about the most important details few days beforehand!  

The rules of the 61 st test:  

Each team will be placed in one of the uninhabited areas of this floor. The specific location they will spawn in will be chosen at random. To pass the test, you must spend a week in that area without using shinsu. If one member of the team uses shinsu, the whole team will be disqualified. By the end of the week, the whole team must be together. Otherwise, the team won’t pass.  

Fighting people from the same, or a different team using non-shinsu methods isn’t prohibited, but it is strongly discouraged.   

One thing to keep in mind: There’s a reason this floor is known as “The floor of revealed secrets”, so choose the teammates you’ll participate with wisely.  

That is all you need to know for now. The test will be held in two days.  

Good luck, regulars.  

Although the letter seemed to make everything clear, there was still something that felt off about this. Like every other member of the ten great families, Khun was no stranger to the game of lies and deceits.  

The test administrator had no reason to tell them this. 

If the test was carried out differently, or the details revealed were useful, then maybe Khun would put his thoughts aside, make a solid plan and call it a day. Maybe he would even thank the owners of this floor for making his job easier for once. However, this wasn’t helpful at all. The instruction didn’t give teams anything to work with, except for a false sense of comfort. It was nearly impossible to think of anything with such an ambiguous description. All Khun really knew was that they needed to survive somewhere with no shinsu. If anything, they have to depend on our physical skills and weapons. If they were going to spend a week in an uninhabited area, that means we also have to be prepared to survive in nature. Being warned about that did help, at least. 

But his intuition and logic told him that wasn’t it. There wasn’t anything mentioned about the risks they might face during the test. If they weren’t allowed to use shinsu, that meant something would oblige them to do so. Was there something they wouldn’t be able to handle? What did the administrator mean when he warned them to choose the teammates wisely? 

“No,” he shook his head “overthinking this won’t get me anywhere. This is exactly what they want.” 

It’s not that their team wasn’t strong enough to fight in the listed conditions. However, if there was an ulterior motive behind this test, then this rule would make more sense. 

An irregular with an unlimited power would feel like a fish out of water in case there was any danger. Bam was no exception in this case. 

“What if we’re faced with an obstacle that requires too much of our strength? Maybe it’s a trap, meant to catch Bam in the moment of his weakness?”  

It seemed that his thoughts were responded to, because at that moment, there was a familiar quiet knock on his door.  

“You can come in, Bam.” 

The door opened soundlessly, and the brunet stepped inside the room hesitantly. His golden eyes flashed at Khun momentarily. Khun turned around to face him, raising his eyebrows slightly in question.  

“Hey, Khun,” Bam looked around the room, then back at Khun, as if trying to decipher whether the situation was appropriate to approach him. "I was worried that you’d be asleep, but it seems like you’re awake.” 

Khun fought the urge to smile - Even after all this time, Bam was still timid when he wanted to ask for something. It was ironic, how the same man was also the one who boldly talked down on his enemies. Although the contrast was endearing to him, he wished Bam depended more on his friends. He knew Bam wasn’t used to asking for things, he always tried to carry the burden alone. That’s why he tried to make it easier for him, whether it was by offering the irregular words of comfort, strategizing ways of moving forward, or simply staying by his side in the solitude. 

“Don’t worry about that,” he replied, not hesitating to smile this time, “You didn’t wake me up, I was just going to sleep.” 

This seemed to do the trick - Bam, bolder this time, walked up to Khun. He leaned down, his head on the same level as bluenet’s, and stared at the screen on the lighthouse. 

“You’re still looking over the test stuff? That’s unusual.” 

“Unusual?” Khun glanced at the man next to him, "I always make sure to check that we’ve planned out everything right.” The said man raised up again. 

“Yeah, but not at this hour,” he rolled his eyes, exaggerating his voice tone in a playful manner, “You don’t sacrifice your precious sleep for anything , after all.”  

Khun scoffed. 

“That’s because I know the importance of good rest, unlike someone else,” he teased the brunet back. His smirk widened as he watched a small pout appear on Bam’s face.  

Cute . 

Remembering that Bam paid him a visit for a reason, he shoved his thoughts aside. His light-hearted demeanour faded away just as quickly as it appeared, and he responded seriously, “I was going to go to bed but I didn’t notice the time. Did you need anything?” 

That snapped the golden-eyed boy back to business. Well, almost. He scratched his neck sheepishly.  

“Uhm, well...” he started, “not really. I just wanted to check up on you.” That was enough for the light bearer to figure it out. 

“You can't sleep, can you?”  Bam winced, but a moment after, his shoulders slumped in defeat. He sighed. 

“...No.” 

“I see.” Khun didn’t pay much mind to the embarrassment painted on the wave controller’s face. He continued, “Do you want to talk about it? I’m already done with my work.” 

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m fine, Khun!” Bam raised his arms, as if trying to prove his honesty, “I just couldn’t sleep and I didn’t want to be alone!” 

“Okay, if you say so,” the light bearer didn’t believe him. That was obvious for both of them, but neither of them wanted to indulge deeper into this topic. “Do you want to sleep here tonight? The bed is big enough to fit both of us.”  

“I’d like that!” Bam grinned brightly at the offer. Khun gave a smile back. 

“Okay, then you can lay down and use my blanket while I get ready." 

 Tiredness had already seeped into Khun’s mind and body. He wanted nothing more than to change in his pyjamas, flop on his bed, and shut his mind off for good. He rushed through his usual night care routine, not stretching the time out as he normally would. He was about to get in the bed and huddle next to Bam when he remembered about his not-so-friendly sleeping habits. Nope, he wouldn’t let Bam, out of everyone, freeze because of him hogging the blanket in his sleep. So, he went to the wardrobe and took a separate blanket for himself. 

Finally, and may he say, fucking finally , he laid on his long-awaited bed. The bluenet turned on his side to look at his best friend, and to his surprise, he found him staring back. Khun nestled closer to the brunet. 

“I thought you were asleep,” he whispered, blue eyes not cutting contact with the golden ones. 

“I was waiting for you,” Bam whispered back. 

"Are you sure you really don’t want anything?"  

“I really don’t.” 

"Alright,” Khun hummed, “Then good night, Bam." He closed his eyes, allowing the fatigue to lull him into sweet nothingness. The last thing he heard was a sweet voice, murmuring right back at him. 

"Good night, Khun." 

“What was that? I dare you to repeat it.” 

“Oh, I will. I said you’re full of yourself and you don’t have any reason to be, princess.” 

“So what if I am? Does that bother you?” The princess in question shrugged the statement off dismissively.  

“Look, you can think whatever you want, I don’t care,” The swordsman ran fingers through his hair, as if trying to cool off his irritation, “But haven’t you realised how much our team has struggled because of your antics?” 

“Oh, now it’s all my fault? You guys weren’t listening to me when I said that plan wouldn’t work, so I decided to take the matter into my hands,” she said.  

“And you nearly sabotaged our team with your ideas. They almost attacked us, Endorsi. We weren’t in any shape to fight and I think you also realise that.” 

Third day of the test and all Khun could say was: This was bad. This was really bad. 

At first, it seemed to be going alright. Their team was mostly ready to handle living in natural habitat, and they actually got lucky. The place they appeared in was nothing short of beneficial, with mixed forest being few meters away, and a stream of rivulet running down nearby. The field they were on was full of wild flowers, all of them in different shades, tinting the place around them in bright colours. Crimson red, baby blue, yellow, coral pink and various hues of purple, ranging from the faintest lavender to the brightest magenta - they painted a beautiful picture, one no one could dislike. From the eastern side, they were surrounded by mountains, and the top part of them was covered in white. 

Basically, the view was pleasant to the eye, and the conditions weren’t too hard to survive in for a week. The tundra biome tended to be chilly, but as long as they had their blankets, some warm clothing and enough wood, they’d be fine. 

Khun had expected everything. As the test announcer said, it wasn’t recommended to fight the other teams, but he wouldn’t be surprised if some teams still went for it. After all, a good number of regulars were able to depend on their weaponry skills alone, and the fact that they chose to camp in a place with many resources increased the chances all-together. 

He had considered the possibility of bumping into another team. He had warned his teammates not to pick unnecessary fights with other teams; not because he didn’t trust their abilities, but because it wasn’t practical and wouldn’t give them much advantage. They had all listened and surprisingly, even Anaak didn’t argue back. However, he hadn’t anticipated that his teammates would end up going after each other, causing arguments every next minute.  

The first day of the test was peaceful. They prepared an area they would spend the night at in the forest, next to the water source. Endorsi literally forced Bam to take a walk together, much to Khun’s dismay. Soon after, Hatz called them for lunch. As far as Khun knew, Endorsi didn’t appreciate the gesture and made Hatz carry a whole bunch of flowers as a payback for her ruined date. Khun didn’t know why the swordsman actually dealt with her pretensions calmly, but he didn’t care either.  

Since then, both of them started acting weird. It was as if a switch had flipped, the one that made people uncharacteristically irrational. Khun ignored it at first; he marked it off as a side-effect for stress. However, as the time went on, it got worse, and so did Khun’s tolerance. 

Khun put his head in his hands. 

If I have to deal with this one more time today, for the love of God, I swear I’m gonna-  

“Hey hey, calm down, you two,” Shibisu chimed in the conversation, “I know you’re upset but we’re all fine, arguing will only-” 

“Why do you care so much anyways?!” Endorsi didn’t pay attention to Shibisu’s words and lashed out at Hatz instead, who also stared at her insistently, “I practically saved you! The only one who would receive damage by my move was me. It shouldn’t be concerning you.” 

Khun facepalmed internally. 

Of course, they’re not going to stop anytime soon.  

He glanced at the rest of his teammates; Bam, who was sitting next to him and eyeing the scene quietly, Anaak, who was minding her own business, and a sleeping Lauroe. 

They’ve been going at it for too long. Did they get poisoned or something?   

“It obviously concerns me, you’re smart enough to know that,” The little bit of composure Hatz had was slowly fading away, “We’re literally teammates, you could have gotten hurt!” 

No, not poison. They probably hit their head on something.  

“So you care about me that much? Then if you do, don’t talk to me anymore. I don’t want to hear anything from a narrow-minded guy who can’t even deal with minor inconveniences.” Endorsi turned her back on the swordsman, but the latter wasn’t having any of it. 

“Did you just call me narrow-minded?! Why you-” 

“Okay, this is it. I’ve had enough of your bullshit,” Khun stood up from his seat.  

“What? You have something to say, earrings?” Hatz glared at him. 

“Obviously not. I’d rather not deal with you two bickering anymore. I’m starting to get a headache,” he waved his hand nonchalantly, not paying any mind to the annoyed swordsman. The blunet made his way past the arguing pair, towards the other scout, “Call me once they’ve settled down, Shibisu. I’m going to clear my mind for a while.” 

 “Guys, won’t it be better if we don’t let this escalate?” Bam interrupted the conversation. Khun stopped in his tracks, looking back at the scene momentarily. "We're all tired right now, so we take our anger on each other. We should be together, especially right now.” 

The light bearer turned around and continued walking. 

“No one listened to me when I said the same thing...” He heard Shibisu murmur as he passed the scout.

“This isn’t helping at all,” He grumbled to himself, stepping alongside spruce trees at the edge of the forest.  

Fresh air did nothing to soothe his headache, which was getting harder to ignore by every minute. At this point, he was starting to believe that the colourful scenery only worsened the pain. The dull throb on the sides gradually spread to the forehead, making his eyes sorer than before. Khun wasn’t the one to get physically sick often, his body was immune to even the most extreme conditions one could experience. At least he used to be confident he was.  

Khun raised his right hand, fingers digging on the sides of his skull, trying to find relief. Oh, what he would give to have a nice, big cup of hot coffee right now. 

He was snapped out of his thoughts by a familiar voice. 

“Khun, wait!” Khun stopped walking and looked behind. He saw his best friend, rushing towards him. He waited for the golden-eyed boy to catch up to him, and once he was near enough to hear him, he asked: 

“Bam? Why did you follow me?” 

“What, am I not allowed to?” Bam leaned down with his hands on his knees, panting softly. As Khun guessed, he had run quite a lot. 

“Hmm...” He mused for a bit, eyes drifting in distance. "No,” A wide grin appeared on his lips. He looked back at the brunet. 

“Ouch, that’s hurtful,” Bam scrunched his brows in mocking offence, but he quickly changed his expression to a more serious one. “I just wanted to check up on you...You seemed to be distressed earlier on.” 

“I just had a slight headache. I’m fine now.” A blatant lie. “I think everyone is stressed, it’s not just me.” 

“Yours seemed to be more noticeable to me, and I had a feeling you’d like a company.” 

Of course , Khun smiled to himself. He’s caring as always.  

 So typical of Bam. 

“Well, I definitely don’t mind yours,” he gave him a smile. One softer than he intended. 

They crossed the field together, mostly in silence. Khun almost got distracted from his headache, silently glancing at his partner from time to time. The way evening sun peeked out from the pile of clouds, shining down on his features and giving his ivory skin a golden hue. His citrine eyes matched the sunlight perfectly, reflecting it, as if they were glowing themselves. And the blunet had never seen an expression so sincere. Even when enraged, even when engulfed by grief, even when there were tears streaming down his face and he was suffering or filled with the desire to destroy, his eyes never lost that spark, they were still Bam’s . Not the infamous slayer candidate’s everyone was afraid of, not the irregular’s that always attracted the interest of others, nor the God’s everyone wanted to use, they were simply Bam’s. One’s Khun had grown to love, and admire, and cherish. If it was up to him, he’d hold the golden-eyed boy’s wrist, and ask him to run away with him. He would travel to the end of the world and hide him away where no one could reach him, no one could harm him, or use him. Not even Khun himself.  

Maybe some selfish part of his mind wanted to reach him. To hold his hand, not just for Bam, but for himself. To card his fingers through his hair, to have Bam’s eyes locked fully on him, to be someone Bam would love. Not in a way he loves everyone else, but in a way he would love someone special, someone irreplaceable. Of course, he knew that everyone was dear and irreplaceable for Bam, but Khun didn’t want to be just everyone. He wanted to be more than that. 

But he also knew that he would never attain, or deserve any of it. Bam was meant to move forward, far ahead of everyone else. Khun would help him as much as he could, try to catch up to him for as long as he managed to, but in the end, he would remain as just another person who crossed paths with an irregular. He didn’t deserve to hold him back further, not when he already failed to protect him so many times.  

“A shark can’t swim with minnows forever,” echoed the traitorous voice in his mind. 

Khun swallowed down the bitter taste in his throat. 

But if it really was like that, if Bam leaving him behind was unavoidable, then who was he to battle with fate? He didn’t consider himself to be worthy of what he had now, why would he try to make it harder for the one he had cared about? If necessary, he’d do anything to keep the brunet safe, even if it meant that he’d have to travel to the depths of hell. He would learn to appreciate the man from distance; his beautiful and innocent eyes, the way his chestnut hair framed his delicate features, his strong resilience, the warmth he radiated, ready to help anyone. He would lock every single bit of memory he had of him, freeze them in his mind and replay them for the rest of his life.  

And for now, Khun Aguero Agnis would enjoy the little time he had to the fullest, even if he had to hide his feelings and shove them aside in return.  

“Hey Khun, have you checked out these flowers?” Bam pointed his finger towards bunch of dandelion-like flowers in front. Khun only paid attention to them now.  

“Oh, I haven’t been at this part of the field before, why?” 

“That’s alright, I have been here!” Indeed, they were like dandelions, except they were much larger, and also taller in height. There was a fair amount of them, spreading far in the distance. “These ones are really fluffy, and its particles spread everywhere with just one touch!” Bam picked one and blew on it. If Khun had a camera, he would definitely try to catch Bam’s expression, as he giggled after the flower pollen followed the direction of his blow.  

The brunet picked another dandelion and offered it to Khun.  

“Do you want to try it too?” 

“Sure, I guess,” he took the flower hesitantly.  

“Oh, wait, let’s do it together,” the wave controller snatched his wrist as he made his way in the middle of the flowers, bringing Khun along with him, “I’ll pick one as well and then we’ll both blow them!” 

“Is that really necessary?” Khun complained. Although he wouldn’t refuse to Bam, he still thought that the idea was rather... Childish, as one would say. He wasn’t used to doing stuff like this, not even as a kid.  

“Yes, it is,” Bam stated defiantly. He held up a single dandelion in his hand, and Khun repeated the gesture. 

 “On the count of three?” 

“Alright,” Bam counted, “one.” 

“Two.” 

“Aaand...Three!” Bam yelled. But instead of blowing on his dandelion, he suddenly moved both of his hands forward.  

And he pushed. 

Khun fell right on top of the dandelions. The impact of the fall was gentle, but that was enough to send the flower seeds flying everywhere, spreading in the air, slowly landing on Khun’s clothes and hair. The light bearer could only stare at the wave controller in shock, before he managed to gasp out. 

“Bam?!” 

“Pfft, sorry!” He seemed to be anything but sorry. His shoulders shook as he tried to retain himself from laughing, barely holding himself back as he took a notice of Khun’s wide-eyed, dumbfounded expression. 

“What was that for?” Khun asked. Something in his appearance must have caught the brunet off guard, because he burst into a fit of giggles. Khun scowled. “Hey, answer me!” 

Since Bam wasn’t listening to him, he raised up slightly, just enough to reach the other man, and pulled him down. Bam didn’t resist him; he stumbled on top of the blunet, still laughing. This time, Khun also couldn’t hold back. Delighted with his ‘win’, he chuckled. 

“You deserve this.” 

Bam wasn’t laughing as hard anymore. He laid on Khun, trying to catch his breath. Khun held his upper body on his elbows, staring at the brunet. The latter had placed his head on his chest sideways, with his ear right above the blunet’s heart. His shoulders shook softly as he took shallow breaths. From the looks of it, he wasn’t planning to get off of Khun anytime soon.  

Something in his chest twisted. 

He wanted nothing more than to embrace the boy on top of him. 

Bam slowly calmed down and rolled off from Khun, sitting up next to him. 

“You look less tense now,” he smiled fondly. 

Khun now remembered about his headache, the reason he went out for a walk in the first place.  

So he noticed?  

It shouldn’t have surprised him - Although Bam wasn’t the best at thinking ahead before acting, he was quite observant. Especially when it came to people close to him. To add up to that, he was stubborn, so he likely wouldn’t believe Khun, even if he said he was fine. 

Khun looked up. If the sun peeked out from the cloudy sky once in a while before, now all left from it was pure grey, covering the sunshine like a blanket. It looked like it was going to rain soon. It was also evening, which meant the night-time was close. 

But even with the weather and his dull headache, Khun didn’t want to go back. Days like these, spent with Bam in silence were already rare. He wanted to stay here for longer, rain and storm be damned.  

Khun stood up. 

“Do you want to walk in the forest?” He offered Bam. Bam didn’t hesitate with his answer. 

“Sure!” 

The forest was fairly beautiful, Khun must admit. Especially with this type of gloomy weather, which gave the nature a mystical, majestic vibe. Tall trees stood around them, shielding them from the rain drops that had just started to fall. First, it was just one drop. Then another one, then another, and soon enough, it was full-on pouring. They figured they should return back then, and move through the forest to make it to their place without getting wet. 

So, they started to rush. The rain was getting stronger by every minute, and locating their way was also getting more difficult. At some point, they started run. Khun thought that they would manage to make it back soon, if it wasn't for the sudden hit of dizziness that put him off-balance. 

“Ugh!” A painful throb on the side of his head stopped Khun in his tracks. The pain expanded in his whole head, consuming his ability to move, to think, to see properly. 

“Khun? Are you okay?” He heard Bam’s voice from distance. Then, a sound of steps followed. 

He massaged his temples, waiting for the pain to dissolve. He felt a small sense of relief and was about to straighten up, but the pain in his head pulsated. Again. 

“God damn this headache, it just keeps getting worse!”  

“You should have said it if it was that bad,” Bam looked at him with a concerned look. 

Oh no, the last thing he wanted right now was Bam’s pity.  

“It wasn’t this bad before!” He exclaimed.  

“I think it’s better if we look for a place to stay at tonight,” Bam ignored Khun’s remark, “It’s already dark, and you can’t run right now- “ 

“Wait. I’m just having a small headache,” Bam narrowed his eyes at the mention of ‘small’. “I can still run. And where are we going to stay?” He winced from the loud tone of his own voice. It wasn’t convenient that the rain made it harder to comprehend what they said. Right now, even talking used up too much of his energy. “Also, we haven’t eaten since lunch. We’re going to starve.” 

Bam perked up at the mention of food.  

“Oh, I brought a sandwich with me. You hadn’t eaten much today, so I thought you might be hungry,” Bam tapped on the pocket of his jacket. "I forgot to give it to you earlier though.” 

“And that’s about me. What about you?” Surely Bam wasn’t planning to stay hungry, was he?  

“I think I do alright without eating much,” he shrugged. Khun stared at him doubtedly for a moment. Bam stared back. Khun exhaled. There was no way Bam was giving this up.  

“Alright, then we’ll split up food,” the brunet opened his mouth to say something, but Khun interfered. “No buts. We’re going to actually get drenched before we talk this out. Now, where should we stay?”  

He heard Bam murmur something under his breath. He couldn’t make out what it, but he did hear “you”, “one” and “drenched” in the sentence. 

“Okay,” he finally agreed with him, although begrudgingly. 

Now that Khun remembered, Shibisu had said something about lot of caves being in the forest. Maybe if they could find one...  

“Hey, Bam,” the irregular looked at him, “Didn’t Shibisu say something about finding caves here? Maybe we’ll have some luck if we try to look for one.” 

“Right!” Bam exclaimed, “Endorsi and I also found one, but we didn’t really pay it much mind,” he rubbed his neck. “It must be somewhere nearby though. Let’s look for it.”  

Just as Bam had predicted it, there was a cave, not too far from where they were. The downfall made it harder for them to move, and Khun wished he had a lighthouse with him. He was glad that their pockets had many functions; they weren’t as useful as lighthouses in many cases, but at least they had a flashlight.  

After they found the cave, they made sure to check it out from inside as well. It was small; not too small to fit both of them inside, but not too big either. They sat down next to each other, their backs leaning on a wall of the cave.  

Khun checked his pocket - Shibisu had sent him few messages. He expected all of them to be Shibisu being Shibisu and panicking over him and Bam, and some of them really were of that context. However, the rest of them were... A bit worrisome, at least.    

As Shibisu informed him, Hatz and Endorsi had fallen sick. This concerned him for certain reasons. Something about this was very strange to Khun – all three of them had been feeling unwell at the same time. If he assumed it wasn’t a big deal before, now he had every reason to believe otherwise. It couldn’t have been a regular cold, since they were pretty much invincible to common sicknesses. To add to that, the symptoms they experienced were different. 

“There’s a reason this floor is known as “The floor of revealed secrets” , the voice in his mind reminded him of the letter. 

Thankfully, their condition wasn’t severe. Khun couldn’t do much right now, not when he was suffering from a severe headache himself. Every time he tried to think about something, the throbbing sensation in his head got worse, and he only ended up overthinking about the topic. He wouldn’t be able to know anything until he eyed the situation himself. Knowing that didn’t make him very happy, to say the least. 

Khun made sure to split the sandwich evenly, much to Bam’s disappointment. It didn’t satisfy his hunger, but he wasn’t starving as much as before now. Instead, he felt chills travel up his spine. The air temperature got colder eventually, and the cold surface he was leaning on only amplified the feeling. 

“This is annoying. We don’t even have a blanket,” he tried rubbing warmth back in his palms and legs. He expected Bam to respond, but the latter gave none in return. 

“Bam?” 

No answer. 

Did he fall asleep?  

He lit the flashlight to check. 

Concern shifted Khun’s features. The brunet was curled up against the wall, hiding his face between his knees. Khun knew that habit of Bam’s well – it was something he did when he felt down, when everything became too overwhelming for him. Khun’s eyebrows furrowed when he noticed that Bam was trembling . 

He touched Bam’s shoulder gently. Bam jolted from the sudden contact, raising his head. 

“Ah-” he gasped out once he saw Khun. The blunet was looking at him with barely concealed worry. “...I’m fine,” he said quietly.  

“No you’re not,” the blunet stated firmly. 

 Bam didn’t say anything to that. He glanced aside, his hands still hugging his knees as he frowned. 

Khun sighed. 

 “You don’t have to tell me what’s up, but tell me if I can make it better for you,” His tone was softer this time. 

Bam didn’t react. Khun tried to ignore a twinge of hurt in his chest, turning back to sit in his place and give Bam a sense of solitude. 

“Wait!” A hand grabbed his wrist. Khun looked at the brunet. Bam choked out, “...Can you leave the lights on? I don’t like darkness.” 

“Alright,” Khun turned to face him. “Anything else?” 

“Can you sit closer to me?” Bam turned his head away from the light bearer. 

Khun shifted closer to Bam until their shoulders were touching. 

Few moments passed in silence, until the wave controller started to speak. 

“I... I don’t know what’s wrong,” he began, his shoulders still shaking slightly. “I was fine but when I entered this place, I suddenly remembered the days back then... Back when I used to sit in that cave. It was dark, and I was all alone. I was so scared... I wasn’t able to do anything about it.” Bam sulked. The blunet grabbed his shoulder again. 

“You’re not alone anymore,” Khun gave him a gentle smile, “I- we’re here now.” 

Bam smiled back weakly.  

“Yeah.” 

From this angle and distance, Khun could easily observe the boy’s facial features; his eyes, filled with unshed tears and his long, damp lashes. The light bearer must have gotten too distracted while gazing at Bam’s eyes, because Bam adjusted his position, visibly flustered by the attention. Only then did Khun realise he was staring for too long and snapped his head back, feeling abashed himself. He tried to ignore the subtle heat on his cheeks. 

“I didn’t allow myself to think,” Bam continued, “I didn’t allow myself to rest because whenever I did, I felt like you would be killed because of it. I... Didn’t know if I’d ever feel human again,” A lone tear fell on Bam’s cheek. Khun wanted to wipe it away.  

“Do you feel like a human now?” 

“Yes,” he sniffed. “Yes, I do. I felt like I was alive when I met team sweet-and-sour. And when I reunited with you guys,” Bam smiled, “I felt like I could breathe again.” 

“Bam...” Khun looked at Bam, his tone serious, “Why didn’t you tell me this before?” 

“Well, I feel fine now,” Bam answered, “There are things I worry about more, so I don’t usually remember this.” 

“No, I’m talking about being locked up in a cave. You never told me they forced you to stay there.” 

“Oh. Yeah, I never told you about it,” Bam scratched his neck nervously. “I tried to, but you interrupted me. I felt like you didn’t want to be bothered about it, so I didn’t mention it.” 

Oh. 

He remembered now.  

It was the night of workshop battle. Everyone felt overjoyed after reuniting with Bam, so they all liked Shibisu’s idea to celebrate it. Sometime during the party, Khun realised that Bam wasn’t anywhere on the ship. He headed towards the balcony. Bam was standing alone, staring up at the shinsu sky.  

“Are you alright, Bam?” he asked, stepping towards him. Bam snapped his head to look at him.  

“Yes, I am!” He smiled widely.   

“That’s good,” Khun walked up to him, standing next to Bam. He mimicked the latter, gazing into the distance. "I noticed you weren’t with others, so I was a bit worried.”  

“You don’t need to worry, Mr. Khun,” Bam beamed again, “I feel really happy right now! I’m just a little tired.” Khun hummed.  

“I feel happy too,” the blunet looked at Bam, smiling fondly. “I missed you.”  

“I missed everyone too,” he replied. His brows furrowed, and his genuine smile changed to something more serious, “You know, back then, I-”  

“Hey, let’s not talk about the past,” Khun interrupted, noticing Bam’s mood swing easily. “Neither of us want to remember those years, so let’s pretend it was just an unpleasant nightmare. You’re here now, and that’s all that matters.”   

Bam mused for a second, not saying anything.  

“Okay,” he finally replied, his expression changing back to the light-hearted one.  

Now that Khun thought about it, he never showed any interest regarding Bam’s experience in FUG. It wasn’t because he didn’t care – he felt furious when he found out Bam was dragged into this mess. Khun was never the one to enjoy reminiscing about past. He found it unnecessary, and oftentimes more hurtful than anything. That’s why, when Bam returned, he didn’t ask into it, neither did he want to hear anything related to their separation.  

He had assumed that Bam thought the same for a long time. He only understood that wasn’t the case once he was called out on it. 

“Isn’t it natural for Bam to want to kill you?” He spoke as he aimed his ice spear towards Bam’s sworn enemy, venom evident in his voice. Viole noticed the attack just in time, using his shinsu barrier to avoid it. “Neither Bam nor we like seeing Bam looking like that. Bam isn’t like that because he wants to be.”  

Viole didn’t say anything in response to these cutting words.  

“You’re a fake,” Khun continued, spilling all of his hatred, all of his venom and hurt in his words, taking it out on the slayer candidate. “You’re just a slayer candidate created by fug at their will, who’s different from the real Bam’s appearance, power and behaviour.”  

“...”  

“Just get lost. To us, you’re nothing more than a nasty ghost.”  

“SHUT UP!!” Viole seemed to react now, lunging at him with his fist drawn out. Rak blocked his attack with a stone shield. “I will not disappear!” He screamed out. “I’ve fought alone in order to protect you all! You don’t know how lonely and hard it was for me to be in FUG! Now you want me to disappear because you don’t like having me around? What a joke! I sacrificed myself for you!” Viole kept throwing punches at them. “I, and the past binding me to you, will never disappear!” He started powering up his palm with shinsu, but just before he could fire the attack, a hand grabbed his wrist...   

Khun pushed the unpleasant memory aside, feeling a sharp pang in his chest.  

He couldn’t help but feel guilty. He had thought Bam would be better off forgetting about it. He failed to realise that Bam was different, that he wasn’t afraid to face his demons, unlike Khun. He suffered endlessly, was knocked down countless times, yet he never succumbed to his fear. Khun wasn’t like him, he was all sharp words and tough exterior, while he was anything but that from the inside. In reality, he was a coward, choosing to push away his own struggles, live in the illusion that he was fine, that he didn’t need help.  

He was cruel and heartless, you see. He didn’t struggle. Someone like him couldn’t possibly fear, or care about anything.   

Maybe that’s why he loved Bam. Bam didn’t fake anything. He was honest and gentle and weak, and he didn’t try to hide any of that.  

He pushed Viole away – the darkest side of Bam. Bam accepted himself. He also accepted Khun, despite the fact that Khun was cold, and manipulative, and did everything to gain his win. No matter how low he stooped, Bam never seemed to doubt him. 

He couldn’t help but wonder if there was any limit to Bam’s love. If he would ever cross the line where Bam would have enough with him, and finally see him as the selfish coward that he was.  

“You said something about us being killed, ” He continued, voice weaker than usual. “Did they threaten you with that?” 

“Well...” Bam began awkwardly. “Hansung kind of told us he placed tracking devices in your graduation rings and that he’d kill one of you every time I messed up on my training.” 

“That bastard,” Khun cursed under his breath. He wasn’t surprised at all. 

Why didn’t he know this before?  

“We threw those rings away, Bam. I had a feeling that asshole was scheming something with them. I always knew he sucked but he turned out to be even worse than that,” He put his hand on his forehead. 

Why didn’t he know about this before?   

“Yeah, “asshole” isn’t enough to describe him,” Bam agreed with him thoughtfully. 

He was going to find everything out.  

“Bam”, he started, voice firmer, “Tell me everything that happened during those years.” Bam was baffled with his sudden request.  

“But why all of a sudden? You said- “ 

“It doesn’t matter what I said. I change my mind. I want to know everything,” He stated, “...If you don’t mind talking about it, of course,” he added.  

The brunet looked at him, suspicious.  

“No, I don’t mind it,” he said, “I can tell you.” 

And Bam told him everything. About how Rachel pushed him down, the time he spent training, Hansung’s threat. Khun stiffened once Bam mentioned the workshop experiments, and them turning him into an ignition weapon. 

“So...” Khun started. “The workshop did experiments on you,” he concluded while raising his eyebrow. 

“...Yeah.” 

“And they turned you into a living ignition weapon, so that they could win you as a prize and use you to activate the thorn?” Khun recalled the events that went down during workshop battle. 

“Yes.” 

A moment of long, torturous silence stretched out.  

“Shit,” Khun whispered under his breath. His head pounded as he tried to take in the newly received information.  

“Khun- “  

“Why didn’t you say this before?!” He didn’t know why he was taking out on him. 

“You never-” 

“Or no, why didn’t I ask you about this before?" He didn’t know why he was so sensitive to this when he wasn’t even surprised. “You suffered this much and meanwhile, all I did was- “Khun was snapped out by a touch on his shoulder.  

What was wrong with him?  

“You didn’t ask because you didn’t want to remember it. That doesn’t mean you should blame yourself,” the brunet stated calmly.  

“That doesn’t change the fact that I should have asked! The reason you don’t like to sleep alone is this, isn’t it?” He shouldn’t have been snapping like this. “You still haven’t recovered! You suffer now too!” He was just taking it out on Bam.  

“I knew this was a bad idea...” he heard Bam whisper. 

“Now you call it a bad idea too?!” Khun snapped, “I just want to help! But how can I help when you’re always hesitant to approach me?! Who knows how many times you bottled it up without saying a word!” 

He was being unreasonable.  

He looked at the brunet. The calm expression on Bam’s face had shifted into something firmer. Was it... Anger?  

“Don’t say it as if I’m the only one who does that,” he answered.  

“I’m different. Most of the things I went through were things I already had coming,” he said, not even thinking anymore, “I’m not undeserving of it. Unlike you, who was forced to experience all sorts of misfortunes just because people decided to use you.” 

“And why were you deserving of it?” Bam wasn’t planning to give this up, his tone defensive. “You couldn’t have done anything to prevent it from happening.” 

“I did make it ten times worse though,” he gave an emotionless chuckle. “I caused the death of my own sister, did you forget? And I did it while fully knowing the consequences. I’m not a good person. I’ve always been aware of this. No matter what I do, I never get to reach what I want. I put Maria on top and then she moved ahead without me,” He was rambling at this point. “It’s only natural that the same will happen with you, Bam. You’re way stronger than all of us, so you’re probably going to leave us behind someday. Once that day comes, it won’t be neither yours or anyone else’s fault. And once again, I will be unable to clean up my own mess. I’m used to it.” He realised that he had been dozed off for a while now, staring into the emptiness in front of him. He turned his head around, only to face Bam, who had his head tilted downwards, his lips pressing into a thin line.  

“So, is that what you really think? That I’m going to leave you someday?” Bam’s bangs obscured nearly his whole face. “You’re a hypocrite.” He finally looked up. Khun was staring right at the face of a very-hurt-twenty-fifth-Bam. That’s when he realised, he screwed up. Badly.  

Great job, Khun Aguero Agnis .  

“I- That’s not how I meant it,” he panicked. Bam’s expression didn’t change. “I’m just- I’m scared that you’ll really leave us behind. I’m not saying you’ll do it, but I can’t help but think- “  

“No. You’re a hypocrite,” the brunet repeated, louder this time. “You say that I bottle up my feelings? What about you? You never say a thing!” He narrowed his eyes. “How many times have you almost died without telling me? And what about the firefish? Just because I don’t say anything doesn’t mean that I can’t tell!” There were tears in Bam’s eyes. “You wouldn’t be telling me any of this if it wasn’t for the test!” 

“What do you mean?”  

So he knew?  

“Don’t act surprised. You noticed it too, didn’t you?” Bam stared at him, unyielding, “Something about this test makes everyone act strange. You wouldn’t say anything if you didn’t actually think I’ll leave you behind.” 

“I-” 

“Leave you behind...” Bam repeated, not letting Khun answer him. ”Didn’t you tell me I should do what I want to do? I have chosen that I will do that. I want to stay with you.” 

“I know you want to, but it isn’t that easy! What if someone forces you to separate from us again? We’re in a war, for God’s sake!” He snapped. 

“I won’t allow that to happen. I won’t leave. Not willingly, at least.” 

“That’s exactly my point!” Khun nearly facepalmed. “You don’t want to leave, but you’ll have to. You get stronger every day! You fight next to high rankers already! Meanwhile, all I can do is watch you from afar. Watch as you get dragged into things you don’t want to be involved in. You constantly take on new challenges, you never listen to me! Have you ever thought how I feel about this?” The blunet bowed his head down. “I fear that you will really be too strong for me to catch up to. Or even worse, I fear that you’ll burden yourself with something you won’t be able to bear!” He pressed his lips in a tight line. 

“Khun,” The anger from Bam’s voice had faded away. “Look at me.” Khun didn’t budge. He didn’t want to look at Bam, not right now. He had already given away too much. He didn’t want the last bit of his composure to break too. 

A pair of hands touched his. Khun tried not to jolt at the sudden contact. Bam’s hands felt warm, and his were freezing. Only now did he realise that he was nearly trembling from the coldness. 

“I’m also afraid that I’ll end up alone someday,” Bam started. “That I’ll have to leave everyone. I don’t want that to happen... I don’t want to lose any more people,” his grip on Khun’s hands tightened. "Especially you. You don’t see it, but you already helped me more times than I can count. Back when you fell in coma... I felt enraged. I felt like I could actually kill Rachel if she ever did anything similar again. But most importantly, I felt like I lost my path. I was aimless. I was scared, and I still am,” His grip loosened. “But I try to push that fear aside, because I know that if I let it consume me, I won’t be able to enjoy what I have now.” 

Khun finally looked at Bam. Bam was looking at him tenderly, but his eyes flared with determination. The blunet wanted to laugh; he had seen this look on Bam numerous times. Even someone like Khun couldn’t bear to make an eye contact with this Bam. Khun turned his head away from him. 

“I’m the opposite,” he said. “I once told someone that I always wanted to protect the jewels I liked, so I hid them away where no one could find them. It’s a habit I've had since childhood. I always knew the perfect hiding spots no one could reach, so I succeeded. But because of that, I didn’t get to hold those jewels for myself either. I pretended that I was okay with not wearing them, but... “He gazed up at Bam, his lips quirking upwards slightly, “I realised that I was lying to myself a long time ago.” 

He only realised the meaning those words held after they left his mouth. Suddenly, he felt exposed. He looked at Bam,  

 Bam had an unreadable expression on his face. It looked like he was still trying to decipher what Khun revealed to him. 

“Okay now, let’s not get too sentimental,” the light bearer said casually, trying to switch the topic, “My head still hurts.” The other man didn’t answer him. 

Bam took a hold of Khun’s hands, raising them to his chest level. 

A shiver went up Khun’s spine, but not from the cold this time. 

“Your hands are cold,” Bam remarked. 

“They always are.” 

he ran his eyes over Khun’s figure. “And you look like you’re cold too,” he added. Khun raised his eyebrow in disbelief. 

“Come on now, you’re just overthinking it,” he responded dismissively. “I’m not-” His sentence was cut off in the middle as Bam wrapped an arm around his shoulders. He yelped. The brunet swept his second arm under Khun’s knees, lifting him up and sitting him down on his lap. 

Khun stammered, “Bam?!” 

The moment Bam’s arms embraced him, he felt an intense warmth travel through his body. He wasn’t used to physical touch, he didn’t particularly like it either. Usually, it was Shibisu and Rak who showed him physical affection – throwing their arm around his shoulder, patting his back, or even ruffling his hair. Those touches didn’t have any effect on the blunet, except for the annoyance he felt when someone messed his hair up. Having Bam play with his fingers felt better, he’d admit, and so did hugging and playing with his hair. Still, it was a rare occurrence. They usually didn’t even have time to exchange more than few casual words. 

But this - He didn’t know why he felt so overwhelmed and good at the same time. He’d suppose it was because of the air temperature, but there was something else about being held and cared for like this, something that Khun craved but had never experienced before.  

He tried to calm his shallow breaths as Bam slowly rubbed his back, tried to not think about the way his head was resting on Bam’s shoulder, close enough to breathe in his scent. All while Bam’s other hand was warming up his own, making it harder not to melt in the brunet’s touch. 

“You’re not as subtle as you think you are,” Bam said quietly, as if trying not to disrupt the atmosphere. His hand touched Khun’s hair hesitantly. Once he noted that Khun wasn’t going to protest, he slowly carded his fingers through blue locks. “Like I said earlier, you’re not burdening anyone. Even if I get stronger, I will always wait for you to catch up. And you have many good qualities that I don’t. I’ll always need you, no matter what,” Bam’s voice wavered a bit.” You need me too. You deserve this, and I deserve you. So let’s stick together,” he added bluntly. 

Khun tried to ignore his fastened heartbeat as he chuckled. He felt like he was a kid, being nagged by his mother.  

“Is that supposed to be a love confession?” He grinned at Bam. Although his body was completely powerless, leaning on Bam, he wasn’t going to admit that. Bam didn’t imitate his playful tone. Instead of that, he stared at Khun with a serious look. 

“What if it is?” Golden eyes met rich azure ones. Khun took a sharp inhale. He didn’t fail to notice how those eyes lingered lower. 

Bam was leaning towards him, his face closer to Khun’s than ever. Or was he the one leaning towards Bam? He couldn’t tell. The line between rationality and irrationality had blurred the moment they stepped inside here. 

“If it is...” He whispered right against Bam’s lips, “...Then it’s a very good one.”  

It wasn’t like how the movies and books described it. He didn’t feel any fireworks explode, neither was he overrun by the waves of an ocean. But he felt safe, and he felt happy, and he would always prefer this over every single kiss he had seen in those movies and books. 

“Did you already know it?” Khun asked after they parted, his lips still tingling from the kiss. 

“Know what?” Bam asked. 

“...That I’m in love with you,” He hesitated, but the words fell more easily from his tongue than expected. 

“I think everyone does,” Khun didn’t have any energy to ask who ‘everyone’ was. “I only realised it while you were in a coma. I didn’t know if I was right at first, but the more I thought about it, more it made sense. And when you said the thing about jewels, I knew it for sure.” 

Khun hummed. He was already on the brink of falling asleep, barely managing to keep his eyes open. 

“Another thing,” he added before he let the fatigue consume him, “You wouldn’t be able to get rid of me even if you wanted to.” He flashed a smug grin at Bam. Bam chuckled and kissed him again. 

“I know.” 

When Khun awakes in the morning, he’s still sitting in Bam’s lap, and Bam’s head is leaning on his. His feet feel numb from the cold, but his warm hands are still holding Bam’s. He looks at the sleeping brunet and smiles.  

“You’re right,” He lands a gentle kiss on Bam's forehead.  

“It’s better if we stick together.”