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Jeremy woke up writhing in pain. Phantom Electricity seared down his back as he reached for the pain, bunched up whatever extra skin there was on his back that he could take hold of and gripped it tight between his fingernails and fingers, he croaked and groaned attempting to silence his voice as to not wake up his dad and flopped around until the pain subsided, he then laid there pathetically not wanting to get up or to move, or to even breathe for fear of triggering the shocks yet again. Too scared to go to sleep but also too cowardly to get up Jeremy looked up at his ceiling and the posters on his wall within his immediate line of view
That was hilarious, do it again i forgot my popcorn! What a pathetic loser.
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“J’ere?”
“Hm?”
“ You’re blunt hogging again”
Jeremy glanced to his left at his friend looking at him awkwardly and pushing up his chunky glasses with a pointed finger. “Oh sorry!” He shoved the smoking blunt into the reaching hands of his friend and tugged at the sleeves of his (well actually Michaels) hoodie, only kind of jokingly pulling up the hood and failing to sink into the fabric and become a thread of cotton. Michael laughed and plopped his heavy head onto jeremys shoulder, they both leaned onto the end of the bed sitting on the ground in front of the mattress rather than on top of it.
Jeremy sat criss-crossed while Michael spread out his legs in front of the two, facing his spongebob socks toward the television in front of them. Blue LED lights lit the room around them making it look like Michaels basement bedroom should be Aquaman's secret man cave.
Jeremy had suggested a good ole sesh for one of the first times hanging out with his best friend ever since the incident. A desperate attempt to create more normalcy in their interactions ever since the night of the play and the days in the hospital. Now that the adrenaline rush of it all was all over, the one thing that he wanted was to go back to normal.
He hoped that they would bounce back, be with each other like they had before but after some painfully silent gaming nights complete with avoiding eye contact and classic conversations about the weather he knew that they were probably never going to be the way that they were before. How they were supposed to be. Maybe weed was the answer? It normally was, and now Michael was leaning on his shoulder decently as baked as he was and Jeremy felt his heart in his ears.
Woah it's kind of like it was before him…or it? Nevermind, of course since then there wasn't one quiet moment that wasn't intruded with thoughts of the damned supercomputer, so jeremy reached for the blunt in hopes of quieting his mind
He made the mistake of looking down at Michael, the eye contact jumpscared him with unwanted anxiety and thankfully a ding from Michaels phone cut through the silence. The phone had been sitting between Michaels outstretched legs. On instinct Jeremy got a faceful of the name of the person texting Michael, successfully interrupting their smoke sesh. It was Rich… Rich Goranski, His bully turned friend after they had bonded over it. While rich and Michael had bonded over god knows what while Jeremy was catching Zs in his hospital bed.
The Freckled man watched as his friend picked up the phone, fingered in his password and did something that made Jeremy mentally walk the plank. Michael lifted his head from the Blue boy's shoulder, turned down his brightness, slid his thighs to his chest and turned the phone's white light away from him before opening the message… What is this, a family dinner? Their friend Evans' house with nosy adults at every corner? Jeremy made a face and took another hit, being high forced him to wear his unfortunate emotions right on the sleeves of Michaels purple striped hoodie.
Jeremy quirked his head and leaned into Michael smirking. It was funny to him, the thought of Michael hiding texts and his stoned empty head wanted to know exactly what was going on. Michael caught on looking back at his freckled friend who was inching closer and closer to him. Jeremy was stopped by a warm (sweaty) palm to the forehead and he gasped-
“How dare” Jeremy put his hand to his chest, two long boney fingers still enclosed around the blunt like a cigarette.
“ Oh shut up ya wet noodle” Michael responded to Jeremys only half-feigned offense
“ C’mon drop the juice what has rich been up to now?“
“ Absolutely not” Michael looked down at the weed in his friend's hand, picked it up from between Jeremys fingers, took one last inhale and put out the blunt before swiftly blowing the smoke into his friend's face.
Jeremy closed his eyes blocking the smoke from them. He then crossed his arms and leaned back onto the bed, defeated.
“I was still smoking, you know”
“ No you weren't “ Michael said before going back to his oh so top secret conversation with the blonde menace behind his phone screen
…
“ Sooo….. You and Rich” Jeremy just said it, not realizing that he could have implied something with that statement until it was too late. Michael lifted his head up from the blue light and gave Jeremy this .. look.
Oh shit
The look
Jeremy uncloaked the hoodie letting his wavy hair spring back onto his forehead
“ are you serious?” again, the words just fell out of his mouth, they dropped from his lips and puddled onto the floor like a spilled bag of marbles. Michael laughed awkwardly but Jeremy could still see the slight tint of color in his friend's face under the soft cyan light of the basement.
Jeremy had nothing else to say however, he let Michael's laughter ring in his ears as his chest bloomed with a heavy and taunting reaction, like somebody had dropped a cartoonishly large anvil onto his ribcage, He knew this feeling all too well and it made him uncomfortable, it made him kind of scared. He licked his dry lips and suddenly felt inclined to write an incredibly long scientific essay on Michaels wallpaper and how interesting it was. He bit at his bottom lip, just another nervous fidget that made him flinch at himself once he realized he was participating in the action, He heard Michael finally set his phone down and turn his body towards Jeremy,
“ dude really It's not that big of a deal”
“ you're right “
“ Jerm…”
“ what? I’m agreeing with you ``''then why do you seem hella ticked?’ “um. I- I’m not,” Michael obviously wasn't convinced But neither was Jeremy notably because he didn't know the answer to that question himself.
The hoodie was suddenly too hot and didn't wrap around his lanky body correctly. he shifted weirdly but quickly stopped after feeling them, the scars on his back, still a bit raw and itchy. he looked back at Michael who was looking down at the floor with his eyebrows scrunched together. Then he also looked down, suddenly shying away from any conversation with the guy in front of him despite Michael being the only person Jeremy wanted to be aroun., The brown haired boy still slinked out of any word exchanging. Then he heard the dreaded question, hopefully not the beginning of an interrogation but still something he was expecting would have been asked about way sooner.
“ Is it because of the SQUIP?
“No! of course not”
“Like the fact that you both had them?”
“No Michael I don't think we should talk about that now … or at all” Suddenly his heart was pounding and his fingers trembled, Jeremy wrapped his arms around his torso and touched his ribs at the sides of his stomach while his best friends eyes bore into the side of his face.
“ Well I think we should talk about it actually.. I saw how that shit fucked with Rich and I know you wanna act like everythings fine and that youre all cool and lie to everyone about it but I know-’”
“No. Michael, you don't know”
“so tell me! I’m right here…”
“ I can’t. “
Jeremy knew that was bullshit, he had already psycoanalyzed himself a hundred times over trying to figure out why even after what seemed like so long since what happened he was still so violated by some stupid PS5 in is head. The terrible words that were said to him, the things that he did because he thought he wanted to- he did want to, and the things that were done to him that he didn't want any part of .
Jeremy couldn't let himself think too hard about it but now Michael wanted to know, he wanted access to the most ugly parts of his brain and Jeremy was hesitant but his cloudy head made it easier to look the man he loved in the eyes and finally vent.
Michael was offering him safety and solidity but then he thought about Rich and a familiar green monster poked at his feelings, Michael probably wouldn’t tell Jeremy as much as Jeremy tells him, it felt less equal because Michael doesn't like him. He knew that though, and for the sake of his own feelings Jeremy was completely okay with calling Michael his best friend, Prioritizing their current relationship status, but Michael did like Rich. Of all people the one who had tormented them throughout high school.
Jeremy knew that he was a hypocrite, that he also had hurt Michael and that he needed to be happy for him and move on. but he also knew that the SQUIPs seeds of self loathing had already been growing in his head like weeds and that he was still waking up in the middle of the night scars burning and SQUIPs bites fresh in his head, wether it was a stupid glitch or his imagination it was still there hurting him taunting him and telling him that he would be better off dead… Jeremy didn't know if he believed it.
“It all just hurts” was what Jeremy decided to muster; it was raspy and quiet, the contaminated air suddenly felt more suffocating because of the knot climbing up Jeremy's throat.
“What hurts?”
Jeremy looked at Michael and decided to let him in, just a bit. Not enough to let Michael know what was going on. Not enough so that Michael would be too concerned, Jeremy didn't deserve to take Michaels time by making him waste too many thoughts on him. But he still wanted a bit of comfort, he wanted his friend to hug him and tell him it was going to be okay because Jeremy only believed that when it came from the lips of his childhood best friend. So a little bit of info couldn't hurt.
“ When I would fuck up the SQUIP would shock me. Just really painful zaps down my back, I th- thought they would go away when the thing died but they didn't and they still hurt me. It's disgusting”
“Disgusting? Of course not Jeremy ''
God Michael made him weak with the way he spoke to him, even when he probably shouldn't even be talking to him anymore, it just makes Jeremy plunge deeper in love with him. But he didn't want just words, it was selfish and felt creepy to be as lustful and shameless as he was by indirectly asking for the comfort of physical touch but Jeremy wanted to be close to someone,that someone happening to be the one that's drifting away. Maybe it was simply a subconscious attempt to stop himself from digging his fingernails too deep into his sides so he did it. He turned his back toward his confused friend cutting off anything that the Mell boy was about to say next
“ just don't freak out too much “
Jeremy mentally prepared himself, one deep breath he squeezed his eyes shut and clawed at the back of his hoodie and shirt revealing his bare back to Michael who let out an abrupt and kind of loud “Holy shit jeremy" before Jeremy released his clothing letting the items slide down his spine relieving his erratic heart. He stayed facing the opposite direction of His best friend opting to stay silent and take his turn pulling his knees to his chin and pulling the hoodie back over his head trying to shield himself from anything confronting that might happen next.
Instead, Michael finally reached for his friend and kneeled behind him trailing his hands over jeremy's back, wrapping his arms around the taller boy and resting his chin on Jeremys shoulder, it was a sweet release of emotion for Jeremy, it slowly bubbled up to the top and spilled over the edge slow and sensually like fizz escaping from the cap of a shaken carbonated bottle. It was definitely the smoke swirling around in his head that made Jeremys face warm. He leaned back into Michael reveling in the honeyed touch of his friend.
God he wasn't a good person. He just wanted Michael.