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When Alva came to he felt as if his head was pounding and would surely split into two. His entire body felt heavy and his head more so. Would it be so bad to rest for a few more minutes…? Immediately a voice deep within him told him no, to open his eyes, focus. Though he truly didn’t want to, he forced his eyes open and was quickly met with the view of a ceiling. It didn’t click for a moment where he was until he heard soft tempoed music swirling around the room. He knew this song and he knew this room. He forced himself to sit up, grabbing his head as pulses of pain shot through it. Alva gave a weak shake of his head then looked up and around the room, landing on an individual's back as he stood at a small bar in the room. A green striped suit…?
"H-Herman…?" His throat was tight.
The man at the bar turned to the white haired man sitting up on the seating sofa and smiled warmly.
"Good morning, my dear."
"How long have I been asleep for…? I feel horrid." Alva carefully moved his legs around the side of the sofa.
"Not too long, just a nap." Herman eyed the bottles at the bar before picking one up and pulling two glasses aside to pour, "Whiskey?"
"You always did like that brand, how many times had I ordered it just for you?" The man laughed softly, "I have a headache, I don't think I should drink."
The brown haired man poured both glasses a little over half full.
"How is Luca doing?" Herman lifted the glass to his lips.
Alva blinked before letting out a low chuckle.
"Grew up to be just like you… A pity, really. He's so stubborn, nothing I could say deterred him from his goals."
"I would call that hardworking."
"He was hardworking at first, when he showed me pieces of your manuscripts he had this sparkle in his eye, he was sure he could figure out what you couldn't. I wanted nothing to do with it but he was persistent."
"You say you wanted nothing to do with it yet you took him on and worked with him, you say you wanted nothing to do with it but signed over my work and called it your own."
Alva felt a chill shoot up his spine.
"I-I… I hadn't wanted to, those idiots from the academy said your work shouldn't have been in vain."
"You betrayed me."
The white haired man flinched
"I'm sorry. I just… I just wished you hadn't sunk so much into that damn machine… You hid out for two years just to do so while your wife and son sat at home…"
"The things we do for our inventions, our dreams. Surely you understand."
Alva bit his lip and gave a sigh.
"Of course I do…" His eyes watched the man take another drink, "But that machine… This goddamn machine made a monster of you, Herman."
Herman placed his glass down and turned to the man, a frown on his face.
"The things we love make a monster of us all."
"Is that what happened to me then?"
Both men locked eyes, Herman's eyes fell towards the floor.
"That is not what I had meant. None of this changed that I loved you, that I still love you."
“Is that all there is to love, then? To wait for it to transform us into monsters? Into the worst enemy of those we love? Was it the love for your dream that poisoned your love for me, or was it my love for you that enabled the monster you became as well?”
The brown haired man swallowed dryly, his own chest tightening.
“Your love made me feel so alive and so free, like I was someone worth something, your love took everything from me and I happily gave it up and more, because love meant something more than a poison that turned us to monsters and people to be feared.” Alva spoke low, staring at the man.
“Alva, you are no monster… Perhaps I am but you never were. The love you gave me lit my soul aflame and kept me warm for so long. You were never a monster, the only monstrous thing is you loved one…” Herman traced the rim of his glass with his finger, “I’m sorry.”
Despite the pain Alva forced himself to stand and make his way to the bar, to the brown haired man. As he stood by the man he felt something was amiss, like he was forgetting something important.
"Why does my head hurt so damn badly…? I feel so stiff…" He muttered.
Herman motioned towards the glass that still sat untouched on the bar.
"I think you need a drink."
The white haired man furrowed his brows but gave in and took the drink in his hands. He looked down at the murky liquid then raised it to his lips to drink. The first gulp caused the man to jolt and whatever that had been lurking at the back of his mind to come to the front.
"Luca…! He saw your manuscripts and confronted me saying I was a thief! Why did he confront me while I had been running tests…? He should have known better and that it was dangerous. He grabbed me by my shirt and shoved me. I could see how angry and hurt he was, he was gritting his teeth so hard and face was so red… I was never allowed the opportunity to explain, I should have told him from the beginning." Alva casted his eyes down as his chest tightened, "I should have told him… When he comes back I'll make sure to tell him."
As the words left his lips he froze again as an image dashed behind his eyes. The brown haired man was on the ground and he was unconscious and clothes tattered, a horrible smell wafted in the room and for a second Alva wrinkled his nose at the realization. The smell of something burnt. The white haired man raised a shaking hand to his mouth, feeling the beginnings of words left unsaid burning his throat.
"What happened…? Did he… Did we…" He turned his eyes down to his hand holding the whiskey glass and gasped seeing the horrible burns that began to appear all the way up his hands and arms.
He recoiled in horror, dropping the glass to the ground. Alva mentally prepared for the sound of the glass shattering but it never came. He quickly looked down at his feet to see the glass landed on its side completely intact, but there was no whiskey in sight as the glass was empty. I only had one sip. Soon the thoughts that had been swirling in the back of his mind appeared and he stared back at Herman.
"Herman, you've been dead for a few years now…"
Herman smiled sadly and pulled the chairs out from the bar then leaned down to carefully pick the glass up from the floor. He placed it down on the bar and filled it again before sitting down.
"Please, have a seat…"
Alva felt cold as he silently sat down and looked at the man.
"Am I…" He couldn't even bring himself to finish the sentence.
The man nodded and placed the cup in front of him. The white haired man took the cup but paused before quickly turning to Herman.
"Is he…? Please, please Herman don't tell me Luca is here somewhere too. Please… When the electricity hit his anger turned so quickly to fear, he was so scared when we felt that bolt that caused our muscles to lock up and everything began to burn. I tried so hard to pry his hands off of me so it would stop going through him- His fists were so tight like a child refusing to let go. This was never what I wanted and he is the last part of you alive, I could never forgive myself if I didn't try. I was barely conscious but he was on the floor right next to me with the room full of that same sickening crackle of fire I had experienced before. His eyes were barely opened and despite the agony I screamed his name. I cried and yelled for him to stay awake." The tears had begun and continued without stop, "If I couldn't do a single right in my life I wanted to do one right by you, by him. I would have moved if I could, I would have grabbed him to shake if I could, all I could do was cry pathetically for him to be okay. Hell, it wasn't even for you, it was for Maria…! You said I betrayed you but then what did you do to her and your son that she died of anger? That he became obsessed with a dream you had and wouldn't let it go. The perpetual motion machine was a dream, that's all it was and now it's a bloody nightmare…!" Alva's entire body shook as he sobbed.
Herman silently watched him for a few moments, allowing him to just let it out. A few moments passed before Herman leaned forward to pull and hold the man tightly in his arms.
"He's not here, he survived."
The white haired man's eyes were wide as he gripped the man’s shirt tightly and buried his face into the crook of his neck. He took a deep breath allowing the man's cologne to flood his nose and soothe him as it had always done before.
"Thank god…! I just wanted him to survive, that's all I wanted…" Alva took a shaky breath in, "I hate you, I hate you for what you've done, that you betrayed me, that you let your obsession eat you alive and take everything from you and the ones you loved, but above all I hate you for leaving us, for leaving me, and now I hate myself for still loving you. I love you, I love you so much and I missed you so damn badly. I love you Herman Balsa and I will always love you until the end of time."
The brown haired man pulled the other back to look at him, caressing his cheek.
"I never stopped loving you and never could even if I wanted to…" He leaned forward and kissed his lover lightly, holding his face in his hands.
Alva pushed forward to kiss him back roughly, wasting no time opening his mouth to run his tongue along his lips. Whiskey. He draped his arms over his shoulder and tangled his fingers in his hair. He missed this so damn much. Herman happily matched his vigor, tilting his head and stroking his face. The pair pulled back panting heavily, still nose to nose with one another.
"I suppose I will have to adjust to this again if I will be here with you now…" The man couldn't help smiling.
Herman's eyes shifted to look behind his lover before looking back at him. The flash of pain was enough for Alva to furrow his brows and pull back to look behind them. His eyes were quickly met with a black cat sitting on the table behind them, its long tail flicking.
"Who's cat is that… Why is it here…?" Alva turned back to Herman and caught the sadness in his eyes.
"It's here for you."
"What…? That's nonsense, I never owned a cat and to my knowledge neither did you, unless some poor stray was caught up in the accident then-"
"I do not belong to anyone, I am no pet. As the man said, I am here for you, Alva Lorenz."
Alva froze up in fear, eyes wide.
"Did the cat… Did it talk…?"
"I am no cat, I simply appear as one. It is a suitable form in a way."
"What the hell is happening…?"
"That is quite the question indeed. I am here for you and will be leaving with you."
"Why? I don't want to leave… I've given what I could and my life is done, I've done enough." Alva watched as the cat jumped down from the table then up onto the bar.
"Oh, but your life has just begun. Please wrap up your pleasantries."
The white haired man scowled but quickly looked back at Herman. Herman still wore the same sad smile, moving a hand to tuck the man's hair behind his ear. Alva could feel the tears welling up in his eyes again.
"Please don't make me leave… I miss you so much, Herman. I can't keep doing this alone… I need you. Death should not have taken you." He leaned into the man's hand, raising his own to hold it against his cheek.
"I love you, Alva. Even after everything, even after all these years I never stopped loving you. I'm so sorry our reunion was so short…" Now it was Herman's turn to tear up as he pulled the man's face close to his to kiss him desperately.
This wasn't fair. Alva held him tightly, both in pain and fear. What was to become of him now…? He eventually forced himself to pull back but kept his forehead against his lover's.
"Your time is up, Alva Lorenz."
Alva flinched and turned to glare at the black cat.
"What could you possibly want with me? What could you possibly accomplish when I'm dead? You're but filthy vermin!" He snapped.
The cat narrowed its yellow eyes and snapped his tail.
"Wouldn't you like to see?"
Staring at the cat Alva felt another pulse of pain causing him to grab his head. He soon felt his eyelids become heavy and his body began to feel as if it was falling.
"I'm scared…!" The white haired man whimpered as his vision began to fade.
"It's okay, my dear. I love you forever and always."
He couldn't even see the brown haired man one last time as he collapsed and slipped into unconsciousness.
-
As soon as he had passed out he was awake, jolting to be sitting upright as he coughed and gasped. There was still a soreness and ache through his body Alva couldn't place. He roughly rubbed his face before his eyes adjusted to the dark. The man turned and was quickly met with the sight of the black cat from before. It quickly dawned on him he had been lying down within a stone box with still smoldering sigils.
"What did you do…?"
"Welcome back to the land of the living, Alva Lorenz. Before we continue I must make sure you answer me this, do you relinquish your human heart? Every emotion and feelings you have felt will be no more and I will unbind you from those wasteful ties."
None of this made sense. He looked down and paused seeing the horrible burns and webs of scars all along his hands and arms like he had seen before.
"Why… Why would I give up on emotions and feelings? Aren't those what make us human?"
"You are not human, not anymore. I would have thought you would not have so much hesitation on your choice. What has emotion done for you but hurt you, ruin and destroy you? Those you loved and cared for casted you away, called you a liar and distrusted you, is it worth fighting for love that never loved you?"
Alva dropped his head, eyes wide and small tears prickling at the corners.
"You are right… I suppose I should, shouldn't I…? I do not have anything left to love, not anymore."
"Intelligent man. A broken soul died but within the husk was someone born new, your shell has fallen away and you lie within. Walk in my shadow and I will guide you to something much more fruitful in this world than mortal coils and emotions. Now, will you follow me and dedicate your mind, body, and soul to me?"
There was nothing left to say, wasn't there? There were no more thoughts and arguments left inside of him and he knew there was no use in fighting this absurdity. As far as anyone was concerned he was dead and gone, what more could he have done? The man slowly nodded, closing his eyes tightly.
"Very good. Now a name fitting for your new shell... The Hermit surely suits you." The cat's ear twitched.
"The Hermit." Alva echoed back, his eyes still casted downwards.
"Now to free you from the husk of your old self and the heart within."
"Wait-" The white haired man began but was cut off by an excruciating sharp pain stabbing his chest.
He gasped loudly and gripped his chest, falling to be hunched over. It felt as if someone was stabbing a dull blade into his chest and carving a hole within it. Alva couldn't hold back the cry that ripped through his throat as he desperately grabbed his chest. The cat flicked its tail and jumped down from where it sat on the lip of the stone box into the man's lap. Soon the pained cries ceased and the white haired man's face was flat, his brown eyes were now a bright and warped yellow. He raised a shaky hand out to the cat and watched silently as it rubbed its face against it.
"Call my name, Hermit."
"...Apostle…"
"Very good. What do you feel?"
"Nothing."
The cat narrowed its eyes again, ears twitching.
"Excellent."