Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

PROLOGUE

The first time Sakura saw Naruto on his– her? female form was when she was out to do grocery, as per the instructions of her mother.

She was walking down the fruit aisle when “Sakura-chan!” she abruptly stopped walking and looked back, there was a blonde haired girl calling her over. The girl walked towards her but Sakura couldn't put a finger on why she was so familiar.

And then she saw her blue eyes.

“Naruto?” she asked, bewildered. Because she had seen his godawful jutsu but... well at least he wasn't naked.

“Believe it!” she– he exclaimed then looked around and “Although please don't call me by my name out loud” Naruto said looking sheepish as he-she (it was really confusing Sakura at this point) whispered.

“And why not?” Sakura eyed Naruto from head to toe, her teammate was clothed in civilian wear; plain white t-shirt and cargo pants, her hair tied in a ponytail. “...why do you look like that?” she added.

“Well, It's so much easier to buy groceries as a girl, believe it.” he said as if that was supposed to explain why. And Sakura did not understand, her dad bought groceries too, was it easier for girls to do it? That sounds wrong to Sakura, but before she could ask what Naruto meant he spoke again.

“Call me Nami when you see me walking around like this, Sakura-chan.” he said, scratching the back of his neck with his free hand, the other one holding the grocery basket.

“I'd...prefer to shop unknown, like uhh, like a ninja undercover! Believe it!” he said grinning, a bit too wide and forced for her liking, Sakura noticed that his whiskers were concealed with makeup. Since when did Naruto learn to use foundation, concealer and all?

“Huh wha—”

“Anyways, shop well, Sakura-chan! Nami out!” he saluted, before dashing towards the counter.

That was weird, she thought that day.

.
.
.
.

Sasuke was walking around the village when he bumped into someone in the road— which was not an everyday occurrence.

No one really bumps into Sasuke and he's not saying this because he's a narcissist or egotistic. But it's really just because he's The Sasuke Uchiha that people usually give him lots of space.

The form that bumped into him was a blonde girl with hair up in pigtails, and her blue eyes lit with silent fury as she scowled at Sasuke.

Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

“Watch it, teme.”

That made Sasuke give back an equally menacing scowl “You watch it, do— dobe?” He raised an eyebrow after the initial shock and realization (is that Naruto?)

“Yeah? What of it?`` She looked like she was about to kill Sasuke, which wasn't anything new to him but, well.

He'd seen a few of the dobe's godforsaken sinful transformation jutsu, but— well, he's hardly seen the blonde perform it (not nude) while on a day-to-day basis. But then again, how should he know? It's not like he keeps tabs on the idiot.

“You–” he started, then inwardly sighed (it wasn't worth it, he thought) if the blond decided to play dress up, Sasuke gave no shit. “Forget it.”

Sasuke walked past the idiot, not seeing the vulnerable look the blonde had plastered on her face.

The dobe was probably just bored, he thought, a girl Naruto probably won't make anymore appearances.

(Naruto did in fact, made more appearances as a girl that Sasuke tried hard to ignore)

.
.
.
.
.

Sometimes, Kakashi had a genin team of two boys and one girl. Sometimes, he had two girls and one boy.

When Kakashi first saw Naruto as a girl, the child was 5, and was sneaking outside the orphanage with a slice of bread.

(“The lady said only good girls and boys get food– but, she said I wasn't a good boy— and then maybe I could be a good girl, ya know?”

Kakashi ignored the way her speech quirk made her sound awfully a lot like her mother.)

He was an anbu that looked over his sensei's child. So more often than not, he would see Naruto go to school as a boy, go home and come out as a girl.

He seemed like he wanted to keep it a secret, so when he first met Team 7, he kept quiet. Surely Naruto would reveal the secret to the team once he felt comfortable and trusted them enough.

He could only keep a secret for so long, right?

Right?

But then The Land of Waves happened, then the Chunin Exams, and then The Invasion, And still— does he still not feel comfortable?

Naruto as a boy is loud, obnoxious, stupid and screaming attention. And Kakashi starred well enough that he managed to see cracks behind the mask.

(a mask, his student has been wearing a mask since— he didn't know, the beginning? and he was supposed to look underneath the underneath)

He got worried, because why wouldn't he? Naruto is one of his wards, one of his pups. And he was his sensei's child.

So he investigated, well— observed Naruto. And he notices things whenever Naruto is a girl.

Girl Naruto was quiet, calm, and though she still carried positivity around her, it was easier to notice her demons that she tried so hard to hide.

And most of all, Girl Naruto (who called herself Nami for the sake of anonymity) is free, she liked applying makeup, she liked dancing, she liked reading (although purely fictional books) she smiled wider and it didn't hurt to look at (unlike his smile as a boy which if you looked close enough looked so...so heartbreakingly forced)

And Naruto looked trapped, in a body that wasn't hers.

Kakashi felt dumb. He thought— he thought that the child was keeping it to himself because he didn't want them to know. Which was true, but he thought that, that was it.

He was so utterly wrong.

Naruto wasn't alternating between being a girl and a boy.

The child was trapped in his skin that did not feel like his.
.
.
.
.
.

It felt right. Naruto thought as she slipped on her sandals. It felt right, she thought as she reached for her purse.

It felt right, Naruto thought as she looked at herself in the mirror. She caught Team 7's group photo in the desk, she looked at Sakura-chan who was smiling, then at Kakashi-sensei and Sasuke-teme.

She looked at himself.

How many months has it been since Team 7 was formed? How many months since this picture has remained unframed?

She looked at himself, scowling at Sasuke.

How has she not been able to tell her team yet?

She looked at himself, bile rising to her throat. Her breathing was just a little ragged, she didn't even notice she had slumped to the floor of her nasty apartment.

She thought about himself; obnoxious, loud and stupid Naruto and her breakfast laid waste on the wooden floor.

It feels wrong.

Chapter Text

Naruto was grateful that either Sasuke or Sakura said anything about their encounter as Nami yesterday when they met up at the usual training grounds 7 for their team building.

“He's late!” he shouts, even with the knowledge that this is nothing new and Kakashi-sensei always showed up 2 or 3 hours late. 

“We know , Naruto. He always is.” Sakura said, her face filled with annoyance, with himself or their sensei, he didn't know.

But he could understand why she would be annoyed with either of the two.

“Maybe we should start showing up late too, ya know?” He said, scowling before slumping under the tree. 

“We did that one time, dobe. He still showed up four hours late.” Sasuke said, scowling. 

And Naruto groaned remembering the one time they collectively decided to arrive 2 hours late as well and even so Kakashi-sensei showed up four hours late. His excuse is that (“If my cute little genins are gonna come late, the why can't I?”) which was fucking bullshit. 

And of course, since Naruto was the one who came up with the brilliant idea, she shouldered the pointed fingers, when it was really just their sensei's fault for his inability to arrive on time. 

Honestly team seven could complain about their sensei for hours and they would not run out of things to say. 

“Say, Naruto…” that was Sakura “Yeah? Sakura-chan?” he asked, looking at the rosette. Sakura looked conflicted, like she was thinking about something and stopped midway.

“Nevermind, it's nothing.” Naruto knew that it was not nothing, it was rare that Sakura calls him, and even rare that there is an unnamed emotion with it. But he chose to let it go, only shrugging and taking his eyes off his female teammate. 

Sasuke watched the exchange in silence, and he would beg the lord above (he is atheist) for the silver haired man to show up but the Uchiha clan does not beg. Even if he's the only one left. (ahahaha— he needed to work on his humor more.) So he wouldn't beg, nor would he pray (and even if he prayed, that was hypocritical; especially since he's a ninja who's killed people before) 

“Yo!”

“ You're late! ”

Sasuke resisted the urge to sigh. 

.

.

.

.

.

“—and tomorrow we'll take a C-rank mission, so be early at 5am sharp.” Kakashi said, watching his cute little genin literally pour their blood, sweat and tears in today's training session. 

The kids lit up by the mention of a C-rank mission though. “Is it outside the village?” Sakura asked, wiping sweat off her forehead. 

“Yes, so you better come packed. For at least a week.” he said, giving them a closed eye smile.

His eyes wandered off to a certain blonde who was silent in cleaning himself up. Kakashi stares, and in response so did Sakura and Sasuke when they noticed him staring. 

Naruto, finally noticing the silence around him, looks up from cleaning himself up and glances at all three of them. Before he grinned brightly and exclaimed “Yes! A mission outside the village. This is gonna be easy-peasy, believe it!” and added a fist bump to the air.

“Idiot, nothing is ever that easy.” Sakura said, though she looked not really bothered by Naruto, in fact she almost looked confused. 

Naruto's grin faded, “I guess you're right.” he said in a voice that's far too soft. The team quiets off again.

Until…

“What's wrong with you, dobe?” Sasuke said, staring at Naruto with an unreadable expression. Naruto scowled, rolling his eyes at Sasuke “Nothing is wrong with me, teme.”

“Hn. If nothing is wrong with you then you would have responded with a pointless exclamation the moment Kakashi said there was a mission.``He said, “And you weren't even giving it your all this training.” he added.

“You said it yourself, it's pointless so why are you making a big deal out of it?” she scowled. “Because that's not like you.”

Naruto laughed mockingly at him “Like you know me so well, what? Are you stalking me or something? Nothing is wrong , so leave it. Right? Forget it. ” 

Sasuke scowled “Fine, be miserable by yourself.”

“Oh, you mean like you are?” Naruto said, glaring at Sasuke, who gave back an equally deadly glare.

It goes on for another minute, the two of them engaged in what seems like a death glare contest. Sakura looked at the two, her eyes flickering vice versa. Worry in her eyes.

“That's enough.” Kakashi said, his voice strong, that it managed to snap the two out of their glaring contest.

“Tch.”

“Hn.” 

Kakashi looked at them intensely before sighing. “You two are dismissed, Naruto; stay.” 

Naruto looked at him and he saw emotions in his eyes; confusion, worry, fear and irritation. “But sensei–” he shook his head, “No buts, now go along, Sasuke, Sakura.”

The training ground was silent by the time Sasuke and Sakura had left, leaving her alone with Kakashi, none of the two speaking at the moment.

“What?” Naruto asked, bothered by the silence. “Are you...is there something going on, Naruto?” Kakashi said, pausing in the middle to rethink his words.

“Why is everyone asking that? I'm fine, believe it.” he said looking anywhere but Kakashi “And maybe you and teme are not, cause you keep asking and I'm fine .” he said, frowning.

“No you're not.” 

The blonde scowled “If you think I'm not fine then why ask anyways?” Kakashi looked at Naruto in the eyes “Because, I wanted you to admit that you are not. I wanted you to come to us.” 

“What difference will it make if I'm not fine, what will it change? It changes nothing so why— why do I have to a-acknowledge it? It's better to just– smile the s-stuff away, ya know?” he said, stuttering, his voice shaking. 

Nobody told Naruto that he's gonna confront the issue headfirst with his sensei, anyways. 

Kakashi sighed “I don't want to force you to reveal stuff, but—” he paused, his hand reaching to pat his student in the head “Team 7 is a team, we are a team and you can tell us what's bothering you anytime you want.”

“We'll understand, Naruto. I'll understand . You hear me?” he said, emphasizing that he'll understand, because he will. And Naruto needed to know that. 

He could feel the blonde shaking under his hand, his eyes looking down on the ground though Kakashi could sense he was near tears. 

“Do you hear me, Naruto?”

He waited for the child to reply, after a minute or so, a choked up voice whispered in the softest way it could that it was any quieter and he wouldn't have heard it.

“I do, b-believe it.”

And he did. 

A puff of smoke cleared up as soon as Naruto entered her apartment and she breathed in relief. It was quite ironic, that using the henge felt more like dispersing one.

Blonde hair fell down to her waist and she took her time to remove her ninja outfit. Now naked in her room, she headed to the bathroom and filled the bathtub with cold water. 

She opens the shower and lets the water rain down on her, and after a minute she gets out of the tub to let it fill up. 

She sighed, bringing her palms closer to her face. She looked up and saw her reflection in the mirror. 

Her hair was damp and bangs shadows her eyes, she could remember having bruises while training– she knew that normally she would have bruises, but with her quick healing there is little to none that covers her body. 

Does Sakura-chan have bruises all over her body? She couldn't help but wonder. 

She rubbed her wrists and felt scars underneath her thumb. It was the one thing Kyuubi did not heal. 

She didn't know why, but it does heal quickly, however it leaves scars, she chose not to ponder about why though, accepting the scars as punishment. 

The scars were the only thing that stained her body. 

(“We'll understand—”)

She turned off the overflowing water, and crossed on to the tub 

(“—I'll understand.”) 

Kakashi-sensei's words ringing in her ears as she buried herself in the underwater 

(“You hear me?”)

Naruto closed her eyes, feeling water around her. 

(“Do you hear me, Naruto?”)

She did, but that doesn't make it easier to believe. 

.

.

.

.

.

Sasuke woke up at 4am the following day, he went and showered before eating breakfast and grabbing the things he packed last night for this mission. After checking if he got all his weapons with him, he checked the clock that read 4:30 and locked the doors to his apartment. 

And he heads to the Hokage's tower. 

On his way to the tower, he saw Naruto— Sasuke was surprised to see the dobe in a female get-up again, her hair tied in a braided bun– and was it a miracle that she ditched her orange jumpsuit? 

She instead wore black turtleneck long sleeves with blue cuffs, tucked in with green pants that came with a red belt, her ninja pouch on her left hip. On her back is the red swirl that the standard konoha ninja attire has, which fits Naruto more as she bears the Uzumaki name.

She looked up from the road as she was nearing him and called him “Oh. Hi Sasuke.” Perhaps it was the most calm and quiet Sasuke has ever heard from the blonde. 

“Hn.”

They continued to walk towards the tower in silence. At least on the outside, inside Naruto's head and thoughts were a turmoil of what if's and anxiety. She had decided to gamble today, she wore a different set of clothes— which she thinks was logical outwear for the mission— and came to the place with her female look. 

She couldn't open up to her teammates just yet, but maybe—

Maybe she could slowly show them. 

.

.

.

Sakura spotted Sasuke walking towards the tower which made her smile, but then she noticed a blonde girl approaching with Sasuke and she frowned, a spark of jealousy igniting in her at their close proximity.

Who is that girl? 

She squinted her eyes and looked closer, the blonde had her hair up in a bun, she had blue eyes and whisker marks on her che– Naruto? 

Why was Naruto dressed up as a girl again? What does he think he's doing? It's not like he's shopping now is he?

“Sasuke-kun! Naruto!” She greeted the two as they arrived in the tower. 

“Hn.”

“Goodmorning, Sakura-chan!” Naruto quipped. Sakura stared at Naruto and raised her eyebrow “Why are you a girl, again ?” the blonde opened her mouth to speak but the rosette beat her to it “And don't tell me you're shopping, cause you're not.”

Naruto closed her mouth, god she hated being questioned, isn't it enough explanation that she just wanted to? Why should she even explain?!

“I just want to, ya know.” she said, her voice coming out meek and smaller than she wished it was, Sakura looked at her for another second and she felt anxiety in her veins.

What was Sakura going to say?

Will she hate Naruto?

Tell her to stop?

What if she doesn't like—

Sakura sighed, “Fine, just don't fool around.” she said and maybe she could've said something better but it was enough for Naruto. 

Naruto smiled at Sakura and resisted the urge to hug her “Yeah! Believe it, Sakura-chan!” she said, a little too loud.

“Alright, just quiet down! It's still early and people are still sleeping!” she scolded her, Naruto shut her mouth and nodded, saluting at the rosette. 

Sakura sighed in exasperation just in time for their sensei to literally appear from thin air due to shunshin “Yo. Goodmorning, my cute little genins!” 

“Kakashi-sensei! You're early!” Sakura said, looking at the man, “As he should be.” Sasuke said, grumbling. 

“Maa. I'm never late for a mission.” he lazily shrugged, then looked at Naruto. The blonde flinched, having met his eyes. 

“Nice to see you ditched the orange jumpsuit, Naruto.” Kakashi said, moving to touch her hair but she jumped out of the way “Uh, yeah it's practical– hey! Don't touch my hair, that braid took me at least thirty minutes to make!”

“Wow, you braided that yourself? Couldn't you just instantly do it along with your henge?” Sakura said, “W-well I would, but...I kinda like doing my hair.” 

Sakura hummed “It looks nice, I didn't even notice you ditched the jumpsuit.” she said, Naruto shrugged. 

Kakashi nodded “It is practical, now come along. We have a mission to do.” 

They went inside the tower. 

Naruto inhaled and exhaled, it was going to be fine. So far none of them are opposed to me being a girl, that should be a good sign.

It was going to be fine.