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“Tony?”
Pepper watched from the doorway of the compound's medical suite as Tony straightened up in the chair he had been lounging in. He craned his neck around and upon seeing her, relaxed marginally. He looked haggard, she noted. His clothes well-worn and wrinkled and little sleep evident in the days he’s spent bedside.
She spared a glance at the motionless figure of Peter Parker, an assortment of medical tubing and wiring connecting him to various instruments that indicated his stable but unconscious condition. She found herself disturbed by the sight for more reasons than one.
She averted her gaze and asked, “Can I have a moment?”
Tony doesn’t answer immediately, instead looking back at the young man as if seeking reassurance it was permissible for him to leave. Then he stood and followed her without question. As she led him to a nearby vacant room, Tony was none too subtle as he threw backward glances. Pepper decidedly ignored him.
“Friday, privacy measures, please,” Pepper requested.
“Yes, Ms. Potts,” the disembodied voice of the AI replied.
Tony looked at her inquisitively and she hoped he saw nothing of what lay beneath her immaculate business guise. She had come prepared in her best armour; a freshly pressed, stark-white pantsuit with matching pumps, her hair perfectly groomed in a low ponytail and her expression impassive.
He must have seen something, perhaps the purple bags under her eyes that no make-up correction could hide, her pursed lips, or the manner in which she folded her arms. Maybe he realised that they hadn’t seen each other in three days and he hadn’t shared her bed in five. Whatever it was, he drew breath, an apology prepped on his tongue, but she held up her hand to silence him.
For once he listened.
“How is he?” she asked.
A wry smile tugged at the corner of Tony’s mouth. “As best as he can be, considering.” His voice was rough and parched, and he attempted to clear his throat. “He’ll come through. Kids’ amazing.”
“I’m glad,” Pepper said.
Tony nodded.
She uncrossed her arms and instead threaded her fingers together and rested them before her, steeling herself for the conversation ahead. She doesn’t miss how his attention is drawn by the habitual gesture.
“Tony,” she began, “I know what has happened to Peter is a hardship for everyone, but considering the circumstances, I think it’s important that Peter has those he cares about at his side.”
Tony shrugged. “I’m not getting it.”
“Don’t do this, Tony.” Pepper sighed, already wearied by his petulant stubbornness.
“This? I’m not doing this. You’re doing this.”
“Yes,” she said, more sharply than intended, “because I’ve had to resort to reminding you that there are boundaries.”
“I am not stopping anyone from seeing Peter, Pepper,” he countered hotly.
“You haunt that room, Tony. Even when you’re not there, you’re barely gone long enough to allow May time alone with him.” Her volume rose to match his.
“It’s a double suite. May doesn’t mind.”
May did, in fact, mind but she hadn’t the fortitude to say it. During a brief conversation when they had crossed paths in the corridor but a day ago, Pepper knew. It was a difficult position for a person like May Parker to be in. Who was she to refuse the man paying for her nephew’s exorbitant medical fees? Who doted on him as if he were his ?
“No, May needs to be with Peter. Alone . It isn't your place. He’s her nephew, practically her son. You can’t have him to yourself.” She could see Tony wanted to interject, but she continued the barrage, hoping he would see sense in her words. “Peter has the best care money can buy. He’s safe here. He would want you to carry on. There are people who need you, Tony.” I need you.
“And what about him?” Tony shouted. “I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him. How am I supposed to live with myself if he doesn’t wake up? I am not worth half of him.” Tony gestured at himself, his hands trembling. “But for some fucked up reason I get to live while he–” He paused and looked away, blinking tears from his eyes.
“Oh, Tony,” Pepper whispered.
Her heart ached for him, knew the crippling anguish he was burdened with, but she doesn’t go to him. She knew she had no comfort to offer that he would accept. If circumstances were different, she wouldn’t hesitate, but it had changed between them.
Pepper asked herself then what she expected from this. From confronting Tony. There was a part of her that wanted to salvage their relationship, but she began to wonder if she had fooled herself into thinking they had a relationship to begin with.
No. They had fooled each other, only Tony had yet to realise it.
A path laid before her now; to be labelled the scorned, jealous woman or to be the one to deliver a merciful blow and exit with her some of her dignity intact.
“Are we done?”
The question roused Pepper from her thoughts. She looked at him then, long and hard.
“Just tell me one thing,” Pepper started before she could caution herself against it, “do you want him?”
There existed few things in the world that a man like Tony Stark could possibly want that he didn’t already have. It was only in recent years, despite personally observing his history of self-destructive and hedonistic behaviours that Pepper found herself softened by his remarkable intellect and charm and selflessness that she could only hope he wanted her. And for a man like Tony, with unimaginable wealth and power and influence, there were very few things beyond his reach.
Tony’s brows knitted together. “I don’t understand–”
“I think you do.”
“What do you expect me to say?”
“The truth,” she said.
Tony scoffed and rolled his eyes. “I can’t believe this.”
“That’s not surprising.”
His eyes narrowed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Only that when it involves the facets of human emotion, they somehow prove to be more convoluted than any mathematical equation you’ve encountered,” Pepper said, frustration bleeding into her words. She could feel a headache coming on and resisted massaging her temples. “You know, I could tolerate the long nights and broken promises and just the general you-ness , but it’s another thing having to watch you be so completely oblivious.”
“What is this really about, Pepper?” Tony shot back. “You’re seriously trying to tell me… what? You’re jealous of a bedridden teenager?”
“This isn’t about me!” Pepper cried. “It’s the fact that you’re in love with that boy.”
A sob caught in her throat and she stared, wide-eyed, her words a proverbial slap to the face. Tony matched her shock, uncharacteristically at a loss for words and the embodiment of someone who had just experienced a sudden, self-realisation.
“You can try and fool yourself into thinking it is something else. God knows, it once was, but I know you , Tony. And it’s only a matter of time before you realise that for yourself and then spiral into a state of self-loathing and all the while trying to convince yourself not to take what you desire.”
She can’t pinpoint exactly when it happened. Perhaps it was the moment that Tony had taken Peter Parker under his wing, sharing a passion for reckless, world-saving escapades and a genius intellect that set them apart from everyone else. Perhaps it was in the long nights they worked tirelessly in the labs or the fondness for greasy takeout. Or in the longing glances, she had told herself she hadn't seen.
“Where do we go from here?” Tony asked.
He doesn’t deny her accusation, nor does he show signs of remorse. His hands stuffed into the pocket of his slacks, eyes downcast. She wants to laugh. Even now, he expected her to solve his problems as he had many times before.
“I’ll see to it that my belongings are removed today,” she responded curtly and very business-like. “I would also appreciate a reference when the time comes.”
Tony looked up shortly. “Pep-“
“Don’t-“
“Pepper, please, don’t do this.”
She wanted to scream and throw his words back at him, remind him that this was his doing. That he had fallen in love with someone else.
He stepped forward, his words beseeching her. “I need you.”
“No… you don’t.” She allowed her barriers to crumble and regarded him sadly, mournfully. “I know you care for me, love me even,” she said, “but I can’t compete with that.”
Tony’s face contorted. “So, what? You’re giving me your blessing, is that it? You expect me to just fall into bed with him?” Amid his frustration and desperation, Pepper could hear a sanguine quality to his words, as if he was asking her permission to do just that. She wanted to slap him.
“I gave up trying to tell you what to do long ago. You will even against your own better judgment, even if the world told you not to. Even if it would hurt me,” she added softly.
In their shared silence and remorse, Pepper knew there was little else to say. It was done. She took her leave knowing this was likely the last time she would see Tony for some time. To her surprise, she realised she was okay knowing that but knew in her solace she would cry for a week at least.
She paused at the door and turned back. “For your sake, I hope he wakes.”
She left him standing in the vacant room, the sound of her shoes signaling her exit from his life.