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Becoming so familiar with your staff was not one of their job requirements and yet, you loved to be around Thoma all the time. Whether it was when you followed him to the Inazuma city for simple, mundane grocery shopping or look at the way he fought with your sister, you would always be there. The other servants found your friendship endearing since you two were practically inseparable so it seemed your acting was on point.
No one except you could tell you had a big crush (maybe past the limits of just crush) on the Head Retainer of your Clan.
Ever since your parents took him in all those years ago, it was impossible for you to take him off your mind. Obviously, you weren't particularly thrilled to show off just how much you liked him and in what way to the whole world so you were always calm around him. Along with that, you often asked him to go with him in his activities (not always though, you wanted to allow him to have his privacy) and he happily accepted every time.
Sometimes, you wondered if he felt inclined to take you with him since he worked under you or if he genuinely enjoyed your company. Of course, you hoped for the latter but couldn't keep asking him that or else it would become annoying. He did his best to reassure you everytime your facade slipped and you showed even a hint of insecurity in front of him. Another reason to fall for him.
His relationship with your two siblings was also noteworthy. They got along just as well as you did with him and when Ayato would have time, you would hang out together. It was a rare occasion, though, taking into account his position in the Kamisato Clan and Yashiro Commission but it was still fun when it happened.
At one of those hangouts, you had miscalculated the amount of liquor you could handle and subtly hit on Thoma. The moment that happened, whilst Ayaka was just as confused as the man himself about your sudden behaviour, Ayato swiftly played it off as you being simply drunk and talking nonsense.
So no, perhaps your older brother was always aware of it but never said anything.
You still get embarrassed at the thought that the cover you worked on for years was almost blown in a matter of a few seconds if your brother hadn't stepped in to repair everything with his charisma. That night, Thoma insisted to tug you in bed since you were unable to successfully do so yourself and you were thankful to whatever otherworldly force let you not fuck up your front again.
How could you not end up falling for him?
It was definitely impossible at this point.
Curse all those lessons of etiquette and ways a noble should act. If it wasn't for them, you would have confessed to him long before. Not that you planned to do that any time in the near future; it would undoubtedly be too soon for that. The only way you would do it, would be in secret in the safety of your room and only when you knew for a fact your feelings were reciprocated.
For now, though, you were content to just hang out with him platonically, practice sword mastery with his help and go on long walks around the Kamisato Estate alongside him. It was all you needed since you could freely witness the smiles, smirks and grins he flashed you while conversing without things being overly complicated. Besides, if you happened to lose your chance with him by simply waiting around and he found someone else, you would still try to be happy for him.
You were totally whipped for him, you noted.
“Sulking around inside your room won't do any good to your health. Festivals are meant to be enjoyed.” The silky smooth voice that happened to belong to your brother, Kamisato Ayato, rang in your ears, making you turn around to look at him approaching. His face wore an all-too-knowing smile as if he already had figured out the problem you were facing by simply looking at your expression.
“What could I possibly do during a festival I'm spending inside our house? I was simply admiring the sky before they launch the fireworks.” You made up an excuse quickly even though you doubted you could fool anyone with that poor thought-out lie besides Ayaka, “If you're worried about me, no need. I can assure you, I'm totally fine, brother.”
“Is that so?” He smiled, a smile that could woo most ladies (and perhaps a few gentlemen) in Narukami Island, but to you, it seemed a bit too fabricated. Maybe he was just humouring your lies by playing along and tossing you the same ones he gave to noblemen in their meetings. “So you're telling me, you refused to accompany Ayaka and the Traveler to Inazuma City because you wanted to watch the fireworks from home?”
“What's so weird about it? I was so busy with the preparations for the festival that I wanted to take some time off to myself. Plus, I don't do public appearances and you know that.” You explain, it was only a half lie so you hoped he would buy it but judging by his smug grin, he definitely didn't, “Besides, what's the reason for your sudden visit? Don't you have work to do or something?”
“Work to do on the final day of the festival? Archons no. As all people, I too take breaks whenever I have the chance so of course, I wouldn't willingly miss the opportunity to see my work paying off.” He replied, a genuine smile taking over his features once he turned to look over the part of the Inazuma City that was visible from your balcony. “You should finally take care of whatever keeps your mind up at nights. This is an advice not coming from the Head of the Kamisato Clan but from your brother, who deeply cares for you.”
“While I do appreciate you being worried about my well-being, it's seriously fine.” You reasoned and put your hand on his shoulder in order to comfort him however you could. “It's not as bad as you make it sound.”
“I just can't see my family holding back from their happiness.” He said before engulfing you in a warm hug that you happily returned. From when you could remember yourself being sad, either your mother or Ayato's embrace would ease your worries and cheer you up in no time. They always had this calming and reliable aura around them. Protocols be damned, you always got a hug when you needed to. “I shall help you with your dilemma right away.” When he finished his speech, he ruffled your hair, causing you to whine in retaliation and miss the point of his words.
...Help you with your dilemma right away?
You didn't trust the way he exited the room right after that and didn't seem to want to elaborate. He just left you there, confused and waiting for his so called help on your situation which could really not be much if you thought about what the problem was. Wait — he wouldn't do what you thought he would, right? No, of course not. There is simply no way he would just bring Thoma here, right?
“Are you alright, milady?” A worried voice said the moment the owner stepped in your room, closing the door behind them shortly after before joining you in your balcony. “Milord notified me that you were feeling unwell and asked me to check up on you since I wasn't headed for Inazuma City tonight.”
Ayato!
“Oh, Thoma... greetings.” You greeted cheerfully with a soft smile whilst insulting your brother inside your brain for even allowing this situation to happen. Either you had to lie right at his face or tell him how you felt. And in all honesty, you were ready for neither.
Looking at him from the corner of your eye, you noticed the way his eyes shimmered with concern and you felt an immense guilt filling your heart for even making him feel like that. By the sere intensity of the moment, you averted your eyes and cleared your throat. “Apologies if...if brother managed to unnerve you in some way with his baseless worries. I'm alright.”
“Oh, so you're completely fine?” Only when you nodded and he made sure you didn't suffer from any physical injuries, did Thoma continue, “I'm really glad then.” He gave you a sweet smile that could light up even the darkest nights and you felt your heart clench at the sight. “Well, the firework show is starting soon, should I stay with you?”
Yes, please stay here with me.
“Yeah, sure.” Calm. First step of covering your feelings towards him was not showing any kind of weakness or traces of embarrassment while talking to him. At first you deemed it difficult but over the years, it got easier once you had gotten used to it.
“It should be starting soon.” Thoma announced, a hint of awkwardness in his voice that you couldn't quite pinpoint as to why. From your peripheral, he opened and closed his mouth countless times as you waited for the firework show to begin. Why was he being this hesitant about it?
“Thoma,” You called out which seemed to bring him back from his thoughts. “Is something that matter?”
“No, milady.” He let out a shaky sigh. Something was definitely bothering him but he thought it wasn't his place to ask. When your serious gaze from before didn't waver, he felt himself shiver under the intensity of it. “Alright I'll talk... it's just that, milord told me to come here to check up on you and spend some time with you but is that something you really want?”
He was worried if you wanted him there? After literally following him to everything he needed to do and taking every opportunity to spend time with him whenever you were allowed to?
“That was what was worrying you? Nonsense, I always love spending time with you.” That wasn't as hard to admit as you originally thought it would turn out to be. Second step of covering your feelings but also not feigning disinterest was by throwing out a few compliments whenever you had the chance. “I—I value our time together a lot.”
“Is that so? I'm glad then.” At the end of the sentence he, as always, added a small laugh that he gave you so easily. “Because I do, too.”
This was the perfect chance, you thought. It was the moment you need to tell him about everything; the way he made your heart flatter every time you saw him, the way you felt inclined to be around him all the time simply to just spend time with him and perhaps the way you never felt lonely around him. As corny as it may sounded, you felt all of those fully when thinking about Thoma. A person that occupied your mind quite a lot since you first met him (even if you hadn't fallen for him at that point).
You could wrap your arms around him after you confessed and maybe he would do the same to you. Whispering in his ears words you would never dare to say before and kiss by the fireworks.
“Thoma, I —uh,” You started, utterly unsure and overwhelmed about what to do next. Admitting your feelings to him was the decision your heart was encouraging you to take since it probably didn't want any more heartbreak but there were so many other factors your mind considered. His curious eyes were focused on you, interested completely on your next words.
When you opened your mouth to speak, the faint sound of explosions — or rather fireworks exploding in the night sky — as well as the colourful lights showcasing yours and Thoma's facial features, stole your attention. The show in front of your eyes was magical, as any other being hosted by the Yashiro Commission in collaboration with the Naganohara Family workshop. But of course, it lasted only for a moment, the silence from before meeting you once again.
“You were saying?” Thoma asked, motioning for you to reveal the thing you previously wished to tell him.
“I tried to tell you that the firework show was starting!” The moment from before was just... gone.
Chicken out was the only thing your mind came up with in order to deal with the sudden anxiety. You felt your heart sink when he just frowned in response, clearly not buying your lie but choosing not to comment on it.
“I won't pressure you to tell me but just know, I'm always here.” With that, he extended his arm to hold onto yours, his thumb gently rubbing circles against the outside of your hand while he looked intensively — almost lovingly.
You're (unintentionally) making this excessively harder, Thoma!
“I know that and I really appreciate it.” A sudden thought flashed through your mind and against your better judgement, you leaned in to peck his cheek — the same cheek that now had a hint of rose dusting it. “Thank you.”
He smiled softly through his slightly reddened face and you thought that was it. You certainly didn't expect him to fight back by planting a haste kiss into your forehead before bidding you a quick farewell and exiting your room. That action alone, resulted in you standing dumbly for what seemed like ages at the same place you were before he left, trying to figure what in the world happened within one minute.
It was just a friendly kiss on the forehead, nothing more, you bitterly reminded yourself.
—
Perhaps your mother had noticed your ever so growing interest towards the young boy she and your father took in. Whether it was from the way you always asked him questions about his interests and how his hometown was or by the way you seemed eager to help him whenever he had difficulty understanding the written Inazuman language, you didn't know. Or maybe she understood it by the fact you always seemed to stand up to anyone calling him an outsider and therefore dismissing his hard work because of that.
Whatever the reason was, she definitely knew.
You still remembered the way she chuckled while waving at you after she requested Thoma to accompany you to a walk around the Estate for your birthday. The boy in question seemed visibly confused as to why he out of all people were asked to do that when all of your family was very much free to do that themselves. Why was he the one to keep you company in such an important occasion when he was just a normal person who worked for your Clan?
You had just flashed him an awkward grin as you walked, clearly this wasn't your choice but not that you complained. He didn't seem that bothered about it either, he just emitted nervousness more than anything. You blamed those feelings on your status but at the same time he never was like this with your siblings, a fact that made you baffled.
Thoma was naturally charismatic and outgoing so seeing him this tense with you managed to confuse you every time. But as concerned as you were, everyone around you didn't find it odd or in any way something noteworthy, a fact that added more fire to your dwelling. Just why did mother, father, Ayato or Ayaka not say something about it?
In that eventful walk around the area, Thoma had suggested you go to Chinju Forest where he trained with Ayato most of the time. When you reached the spot, he had even proposed for the both of you to spare. You had reluctantly accepted but even the boy himself could figure out you were feeling under the weather by the way you collapsed suddenly.
The only sound in that sequence of events was your knees hitting the ground with force that evidently hurt them. He promptly let his blade hit the ground and rushed to your side in worry.
The water of the river started soaking the clothes hugging your lower half as you sat down, hands between your thighs and head low. Thoma swiftly sat down next to you, uncaring if he wet his own clothes in the process, too. He placed a hand on your knee in order to comfort you and requested for you to meet his eyes.
What he said wasn't in any way demanding or commanding, he patiently waited the moment you raised your head. When that happened though, and he was met with tears running down your face he got extremely worried. Did he do something to upset or offend you? Oh, he totally did—
“Sorry for ruining the festive mood.” You said as your hands raised to wipe your eyes with the fabric of your kimono in order to not look like a total mess in front of him. “I was at my breaking point all week and everyone kept coming to me for the preparation of my birthday at the Estate and had almost no time to myself so now that I'm just with you, everything came crashing down to me.”
“It's fine. I understand you're under much pressure because of your position so it's normal to feel down.” His voice was so sweet and soft while talking to you, you thought that you could definitely start crying again if he kept that up. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Oh, no—!” You hurriedly said and averted your eyes somewhere away from his intense gaze. “I wouldn't want to bother you with that. You already do so much for my family and even the estate. I'll get over it soon. Give me a minute.”
You perked up the moment he said your name but still refused to look at him. “Look at me.” When you hesitantly did as he said, Thoma's expression was the most serious you ever had the chance to see and you shivered slightly. “Tell me about what's bothering you. Don't think about what I already do. I want to help you, too.”
This man would be the death of you.
“O—Okay.” You took a deep breath but still, you felt so hesitant. Upon noticing your reluctance, he grabbed your arm from between your thighs and held it reassuringly. If you were being honest, you totally stared at the action for far too long before continuing,
“It's just that...I noticed that father has been really anxious as of late and mother is also sickly worried about his health. Ayato has been getting progressively busier with his classes and responsibilities and Ayaka has been practicing a lot as well. I don't know how I can contribute to my family. They all do so much meanwhile I'm just...here. I feel like I'm holding this family back. Everyone around me has expectations I can't reach. I can hardly breathe most of the times and my sleep schedule is ruined. I'm just so tired, Thoma...”
Thoma seemed to consider his next words wisely but you stopped him by interlocking your fingers with his hand that was previously on top of yours. With a small smile you said, “You don't need to say something. You can't exactly understand the family burden of the Kamisato Clan. I'm just really happy that you wanted to listen to me.”
Even if you had told him there was no need for words of comfort, he still quietly reassured you as your head fell on his shoulder from the sere exhaustion you felt. With his soothing presence next to you and his sweet whispers, you drifted off to slumber, something that never came to you in the past week — or more, you couldn't quite remember — due to your stress.
In the meantime, the Kamisato Estate was in a frenzy while preparing for your "surprise" party you were very much aware of. Whether it was servants running around trying to make sure everything is in order or the family's retainers searching for the youngest members to ensure they were ready, there was always a state of panic.
Birthdays weren't really important but still, when it came to you, Ayato or Ayaka, everyone in the estate was willing to celebrate it. Of course, the moment you came, only your immediate family would be present but the people serving you wanted to make a nice atmosphere by cooking your favourite food as well as a variety of other dishes and prepare the outdoor area.
Thoma was only selected as the one who would occupy you while the last preparations were done and keep you away from your family house. Whilst he was aware of this, he still felt an ounce of confusion when your mother had originally requested that since obviously, he wasn't a part of your immediate family therefore he wouldn't be present in the celebration. But of course, he still went along.
It was nearing the time you and Thoma would return and everyone except the Kamisato family had already gone inside. They waited patiently to surprise you but it seemed you had a bigger surprise in-store if appearing to be fast asleep in Thoma's arms as he carried you bridal style was any indication. He said that you were feeling tired and collapsed from the exhaustion — he obviously left out the part about you ranting to him.
He only let you go when he placed you on your futon and covered you before he left the room to let you relax.
When you finally woke up, though, you just saw the family doctor as well as your family around you, all breathing a sigh of relief upon noticing you opening your eyes. All the events of that day after were a blurry in your mind, you just remember your siblings by your side, Ayato rubbing comforting circles on your shoulder as you were still lying down and Ayaka smiling softly at you.
You faintly heard the doctor say something about this being an effect from the exhaustion and stress you had forced yourself into the past year. In your memories, your parents looked worried and your father shook his head with a sad frown, muttering words you couldn't make out as your mother quickly held his hand reassuringly after something the medical assistant had said.
Things were more calm after that.
The doctor suggested you retire from social appearances with your official title in the Kamisato Clan for a while and instead focus on your well-being at home with a help from a professional. And that you did, your name stopped popping up whenever the family would make an appearance in festivals and such. Many people in Narukami Island started to wonder about your sudden disappearance but the possible reason behind it only remained as gossip.
During those public appearances, you would remain home, your mental health was getting better with the help of the person the doctor suggested but you still felt out of the family. Way more than before. While the rest of the Kamisato Clan were out, you would remain in your room, declining even your retainers' visits as you sat alone. That of course, was until the day Thoma knocked on your door.
Everyone before had informed him of the situation and the fact that you would not accept any visitors and yet he insisted despite their words of discouragement. The same words metled the moment you let Thoma in and from then on, he would keep you company on those uneventful occasions if he had time himself. Usually, you and him would simply discuss things such as your interests or perhaps gossip a bit about the things you had heard in the estate.
The outlander quickly became someone familiar to you and soon, you couldn't really imagine yourself without his presence. By his determination and good will, you felt so motivated to try and improve yourself as well as control your emotions.
Although, any kind of development died along with your parents.
The sudden development just seemed to bring an halt to the Kamisato Clan and everyone was forced to take roles they were the furthest away from being ready for. With that came your state worsening as the specialist had told your closest attendant. The new implications lead for new orders considering your health and that was closing off the family and responsibilities for at least a month and then be able to talk with them if you were getting better.
Throughout that tough stage in your life, the only person who was allowed to interact you besides your doctors, was the one bringing food to your room. Outside of servants you had never seen before, Thoma also sometimes brought you a tray of freshly cooked meals as well as sneak in the candy he knew you enjoyed. Because of that period and the times before, it was only natural to grow close to the Kamisato Clan's Head Retainer.
Falling for him was just a bonus.
Your room had also changed in location, now being in a place with a single balcony and a large interior, probably since you were bound to spend a lot of time there. The balcony was mainly for physical exercise and for a breather whenever being inside became too much.
After almost a year, you were allowed to exit the building with a trusted retainer of your choosing. The choice was too obvious for you and of course, you had requested for him to come with you. And because he was Thoma, of course he would happily accept and accompany you in a walk around the Estate.
Even if you had exercised during your stay in your room, nothing prepared you to walk so much — not even much but for someone who hadn't exited their home for a year, it clearly was — and you had to return to your room faster than anticipated. But even so, you had slept peacefully that night, knowing well enough that Thoma had held your hand in his as you walked down the path you chose. Of course, you had asked him to do so only if he wanted to and by the way his ears burned a bright red, he didn't seem to mind in a negative way.
After that, you did go with him on a few walks and even on his trips to the city for groceries and other necessities. Those appearances, though, were with a codename since it was still unadvisable to interact with other people outside your small social circle with your real identity. Thus, you were able to feel a bit more human the past years and even started being responsible for small jobs regarding upcoming festivals organised by the Yashiro Commission.
Although, even those were very small in comparison to whatever your brother had to do but you still tried to help however you could now that your health was progressively getting better and more stable.
All of that was accomplished by the unconditional love and support you received from Ayato, Ayaka and well...Thoma. Even though he wasn't biologically part of the family, he still helped you so much through the difficult times. It's a fact you very much appreciated.
So when you decided to finally get involved in the matters of the Yashiro Commission, everyone welcomed you with open arms. Ayato even took some time off his schedule to show you the ropes of the job and Ayaka helped you get used to it. Thoma on the other hand decided to just treat you to an outing in Ritou, a place you hadn't visited again after the incident but he had assured you that he would be there with you.
The trip to Ritou was uneventful but you still overall enjoyed the small talk Thoma indulged you in. Once you had reached the place he had suggested, you ordered your preferred liquor while Thoma simply took a non-alcoholic beverage, and enjoyed sitting by the sea as you gulped down the alcohol. By that point, you had began to feel the effects from it but were still awfully aware of your surroundings so no "accidents" could happen.
It was already hard enough to contain your nervousness when he moved from his original seat across from you to the one next to you. His eyes still looking softly at you as you talked about a lot of random topics. The conversation flew so naturally and soon, somehow a few touches lingered. Or perhaps you imagined it due to the alcohol.
“You know,” You started and made a small pause to build anticipation while looking at him. He just hummed in response as he waited for you to continue. “I was thinking about officially returning back to the public scene. Since my treatment has been going better these past days, I want to finally take my position in the Clan and do everything I had set aside for so long.”
He looked quite surprised at the statement but his gaping mouth quickly turned into a proud smile that warmed up every part of your heart. You almost shrieked when he reached out to hold your hand and squeeze it gently as a way to indicate how truly happy he was for you.
“I'm so proud of you!” He pecked your forehead a couple of times — probably getting carried away from his excitement, you thought, after all, you were still in public — and tugged at your palm once more. “I know that you can do this.”
In that moment, truly nothing could compare, your mind didn't care about confessing to him, didn't even care about the close proximity. Just his words were enough. So, you leened in close to his shoulder, the action more because of your exhaustion and tipsiness than anything, and you slowly doze off. The man next to you just gazed at you fondly as he turned to the waiter in order to ask to pay before you left.
While Thoma was waiting, you mumbled a few words he couldn't catch so he asked you, “I'm sorry, what did you say?” Your voice was indeed very low again and he did his best figuring your words out until he was just left confused and a bit speechless. There was simply no way you had muttered “I love you.”, again, while being drunk.
This time, though, Ayato was nowhere to fix anything up. Truly alcohol wasn't your best friend, but at the same time, you definitely wouldn't remember this in the morning. It would just leave Thoma up at night trying to understand if you meant it romantically or platonically, no biggie.
Before you two could leave, you had fallen asleep on his shoulder and he sighed as he took you in his arms, now heading for the Kamisato Estate. Surprisingly, he had no trouble carrying you even if it was a long journey. When he returned back home, no one questioned why he was bringing an unconscious you back to your room. Their silent worries were brushed off by Thoma's unwavering smile. Obviously, you weren't in any kind of danger so that was enough for them.
—
Before you fully opened your eyes, the intense headache was quite noticeable but what stroke you as odd was the weird sensation of something wrapped around your waist and a strong presence beneath your side. Slowly, you opened your eyelids only to almost freak out when you were met with Thoma's form; hair down and spread out on your pillow, eyes closed and appearing to be fast asleep while his hold was fairly protective around you.
Carefully and slowly, you tried to sit up only to hover above him when his arm wouldn't let you move too much. You were quickly forced into an awkward position so you had to place your hands on him to not risk falling on top of him. Perhaps stabilising yourself on his chest was a bad choice, because in the next moment, he rose from his sleep and reflectively came closer to your face before realising what was happening.
Having Thoma this close felt strange but not entirely unwelcomed.
“Ah, milady...” He started with a regretful tone and gaze, his arm finally letting you go, a fact that weirdly made you feel empty. “Sorry for that, I was expecting to wake up before you and leave you to rest. That was really improper of me.”
“What happened yesterday?” You didn't seem as fazed as you thought you would be. Blame it on the sleepiness you still very much felt. “Did I pass out?”
“You fell asleep on my shoulder so I brought you back here.” He started, slowly leaving the comfort of your covers and standing up but his actions came to an halt the moment your hand tugged his wrist in a wordless question. Even if he was now standing, he didn't brush off your hand, “Funny thing is that you did the same thing yesterday right before I left and I don't think I could ever say no to you.”
The last sentence made you feel slightly guilty, “...Are you uncomfortable?”
He quickly caught on your indication, “Oh no! I didn't mean it like that. I'm not saying you're forcing me into something.” He stuttered a bit in his reply, his eyes wide with concern. Cute. “I meant that I'm unable to say no to small requests like these simply because they're voicing out my thoughts.”
The meaning behind his confession was vague but you wanted to be sure. With a sudden movement, you tugged him down, him yelping at the unexpected action once he hit the futon mattress. He was now face to face with you; the both of you holding intense eye contact as you simply stayed there for a little while longer. You saw the way his eyes hardly managed to stare into yours and not focus too much on your lips.
“Thoma,” Your expression and tone were serious, making the man gulp down his momentary anxiety, “...Do you like me?”
The look of surprise he gave you was just priceless. Even though you sensed his sudden urge to flee the room, your hand made any thought like that stay just in his mind. With a deep breath, he whispered as he kept looking at you lovingly, “Yes.”
That was all you needed.
In all the scenarios you had thought over and over in your head, your confession was going to be during a romantic moment with the sunset or fireworks in the background. You would be standing next to each other and leaned in to kiss as a silent confession. But right now, it felt... weirdly nice. You felt so loved that you couldn't help it.
In the end, being romantic didn't really matter. As long as he cared for you and you cared for him.
“Do you?” Hopeful; a word that could describe his gaze.
“Yes, I like you, too.”
He gave you the most boyish grin you've seen him make.
In the next moment, he left the room for a few minutes only to come back with tea, food and pain killers. Truly what else would you need except that and him? You ate in silence but that was what gave you the chance to notice that he had also brought his breakfast in your room, too. In the years you have known him, he never once did that, instead he was only there to keep you company while you ate. Your heart felt unusually lively at the realisation.
“So,” He starts, wiping his mouth with one of the napkins he had brought with him, “Would you like to accompany me to a walk around the Estate?”
“Of course.”
You smiled sweetly at him as he exited the room to let you change on your own. When you neared the entrance of the building, you saw him standing against the wall, looking awfully fidgety while waiting for you. He had gotten in his every day clothes as well as tied his hair. Whilst he did look more presentable at the moment, you kind of prefered the more vulnerable side he had showed you previously.
Just as you were used to doing, you greeted all of your staff while leaving the house's grounds. None of them found your walk with the head retainer strange since it was a normal occasion at that point. Only the two of you noticed the difference. Unlike before, this wasn't just a friendly hangout. It was a small date. The thought made you really excited.
Once you were at a fairly long distance from the Kamisato Estate, your hands slowly got closer on their own. After a lot of hesitation, you finally managed to interlock them. When you turned your head to look at Thoma's reaction, he was just staring back at you with a loving smile, a smile that was the same as all the others one he gave you.
Then it hit you.
All those years you were hopelessly pinning for each other and neither would have made a move unless your drunk self hadn't decided it was enough. Or maybe he had noticed your feelings but due to his position he deemed it was improper for him to make a move. But Thoma wouldn't really hold back because of that, right?
When you realised you were overthinking about someone that was literally standing next to you, you shook your head. You tried striking conversation and as always, it went well. After all, the person you were talking to was Thoma; someone who got along with everyone and someone who happened to be hopelessly in love with you.
Why in the world were you getting flustered over that idea!?
He hadn't said something like that himself! He just admitted to liking you but you were jumping to conclusions. Oh Archons—
You were suddenly brought to an halt by strong arms.
...?
“Do you want to go back? I can see you're lost in thought. If you want time to think over what happened, I'm more than happy to give you some space.” Leave it to Thoma to read any body language you had to offer and use that fact only to make you more comfortable.
“No no, it's really not that. I promise.” You took both of his hand in yours and stared at him with a gentle gaze. “I just don't know how to act. Sorry if I'm worrying you. You're seriously not pushing me.”
He breathed a genuine sigh of relief, “I see, that's good then. Would you like to continue? We can visit the Chinju Forest if you're interested.”
You just nodded, now walking hand in hand towards the destination in mind while also keeping small talk going. In all honesty, you didn't know why you were acting this way around him. Things between you were never this awkward but you figured the newly confessed feelings were at play.
He had suggested you both near a tree to rest for a while and continue after that small break. You had no reason to disagree of course and followed him suit. What you wholeheartedly did not expect happening, though, was Thoma pushing you against said tree to gently lie your back on it.
He had even brought your interlocked hands up next to your face, pressing them against the tree with as little force as possible while planting his free hand next to your head. All while offering you an intense yet loving gaze. His touch was firm yet not strong, silently establishing that you could get out of his hold if you wished to.
He called out only your name without any honorifics, causing an unreadable feeling to stir in your chest. After so many years, hearing him say it so casually for the first time certainly caught you of guard, on top of everything else that was currently happening.
For a moment, he stayed silently, clearly considering his words carefully, “I wish to hear your opinion on this subject so I know I'm not overstepping any lines.” Seeing as he took a moment to continue, you understood that he was silently asking for some type if confirmation. Therefore, when you nodded, he didn't waste a second to reply, “If you allow me, I wish to be yours.”
You felt your breath stop.
You involuntarily paused for a bit, whether it was because you were desperately trying to control your emotions after the suggestion or the question altogether. Then when you realised what had most likely happened, you chuckled softly, “Did you read that line somewhere?”
By the way his cheeks seemed to change in colour once more, you took it as a confirmation, “Remember when Lady Yae had given us a free book from Yae Publishing House as a good will for our prior cooperation?”
“The same time she gave me an erotica and acted as if she didn't know?” Thoma hummed in reply, “But yes, do continue.”
“Well, she gave me a romance novel.” He seemed slightly embarrassed to talk about it but openly answered nonetheless. “I read it whenever I had free time and the lead had asked ‘Will you be mine?’ but I improvised.”
You smiled widely at him, entirely amused at his explanation, “Mhm, your version is cuter if I'm being honest.”
“I'm glad you liked it then.” He beamed, happiness emitting from him. The previous blush was nothing more than a memory when he flashed you a wide grin.
Due to his expression, you couldn't help teasing him, you really couldn't, “Say, is the whole holding down thing also from that book? If so, I do wonder what type of books you are reading, Thoma.”
He paused for a moment, an action that made your eyebrows rise at the implication. “Nothing too bad! Besides, you didn't tell me your opinion on it.”
“My opinion on you reading eroticas?” His expression alone showed that he didn't appreciate your sense of humour at that moment.
Just as he opened his mouth to most likely scolde you, you leaned in and closed the gap. You heard him gasp against you due to the sere surprise of your action but kiss back without hesitation the second he understood what was going on. Slowly, the hand beside your head started itching closer and finally cupping your cheek gently.
He pulled back for a second, looking in your eyes with a serious yet kind expression while running soothing circles on your face with his thumb. Thoma looked as if he wanted to say something more but held his tongue, instead deeming it enough to just stare at you while you regained your hushed breaths.
After a moment, he leaned in again; his lips feeling awfully soft against yours and partnered with his soft touches it made you feel comfortable. His other hand that was occupying yours prior, was now respectfully holding your waist and discreetly starting to bring your body closer to his. It wasn't hard to tell what he did but you instead only giggled as a wordless response without fully breaking the kiss. Due to your reaction, he smiled against your mouth but continued nonetheless.
It never got more than it already was, just the both of you experiencing what you hadn't ever in years and of course finally being closer to the one you held dear. Despite the sweet nature behind it, you still felt butterflies flatter in your chest. The emotions swirling in your mind and body certainly overwhelmed you but not in a negative way, you were overly happy this was happening.
But you soon realised you had yet to answer his question.
You pulled away first this time, catching your breath as you brought your hand on top of his that was still on your cheek. Looking in his eyes, you just flashed a wide smile at him which he happily reciprocated. Averting your eyes to the side for a small moment to gain courage, you sighed and finally turned to him again.
“...Yes, you can be mine as long as I'm yours, too.”