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He trailed his fingertips over the edge of the railing and let the cold metal nip at him.
The stairs seemed never ending as he trudged up them, slow step after slow step, intent on reaching the top. His legs were tired from a long day of dancing and traveling from schedule to schedule, but they still helped him get to the doorway at the top. Just past the door was where he knew he could finally relax for the day—where he could be away from all the mayhem of his life.
There was rarely anyone on the roof, not at such a late hour anyways. Perfect.
Once he reached the top, he pushed open the door and let the chill of the cool night’s air puncture him. The winds pushed against him as he stood still and let them.
The rooftop was empty and once again, he was alone with the stars and the sky.
Jeno walked to the corner that stored most of the seating items and promptly found a soft cushion that looked comfortable. He brought it with him to the center of the roof and cautiously sat down, completely aware of the way his muscles and joints creaked from hours of nonstop use.
He considered himself lucky that the night was serene but chilly enough to keep him awake. Truly, he was moments away from slipping into his created oblivion. His mind buzzed at a frequency low enough to lull him to sleep, and the night shifted its shadows towards him to greet him where he sat.
When he looked up, he smiled at the few stars to peek out in the sky. They stretched lightly here and scattered themselves ever so delicately. Jeno greeted the stars with a small wave, and let the tension leave his shoulders. After a long day, his mind was reeling with thoughts of what tomorrow had in store for him, but he tried to put these to rest. Then, slowly, he began to unwind.
After a moment, his thoughts no longer surged but instead, left him to relax under the shield of night—where there were no responsibilities and no problems, just silence.
It wasn’t long before he had to grapple against sleep to keep from drifting away.
Jeno pulled the sleeves of his hoodie down to cover his palms, and let the breeze brush past his cheeks. He knew he shouldn’t sleep on the rooftop, but the quiet space provided him with something he hadn’t felt in awhile:
Peace.
With how busy his life was with constant schedules and someone breathing down his neck every second of the day, he needed this.
Just as he thought the night had stilled and his thoughts had simmered to rest, he heard the faint scream of the large metal door opening behind him. He didn’t move, hoping that the veil of night would conceal him.
“Hyung?”
He would have startled if the restless rhythm of his heart didn’t force muscle and bone to sit still.
Jeno didn’t even have to turn around to recognize the voice. It was deep and gentle enough to cause a sting to rise in his throat, and made him want to unravel right there, against cool cement and under the watchful eye of the stars.
After a few moments, he heard the door close behind him—a click of sorrowful old metal—and let out the breath he didn’t know he had been holding in.
All at once, he desperately wished he could ignore the mounting sadness inside of him. Jeno hadn’t realized how much he had wanted Jisung to stay. Stay and do what, he didn’t know, but anything would have been better than this—this strange emptiness that left his heartbeat echoing inside of him.
He was left alone again, a victim to his own thoughts once more.
Jeno craved the silence, he had spent weeks begging for it, but not like this. He didn’t want it like this.
He thought—no, he knew—that the other’s presence would be able to warm him and dissolve the tension out of him. Jisung would’ve been a comfort on this dark night.
But Jisung was gone now, Jeno reminded himself. He had missed the opportunity to ask him to stay. As much as this left an ache in his heart, he tried not to think about it.
Jeno lifted his chin to the night sky and felt a harsh cold overtake him.
It was another few minutes of shivering from the winds and his own numbing thoughts before he heard the door behind him again. This time he was properly startled as the loud noise pierced his ears. After catching himself, he turned around to watch the sight in front of him with furrowed brows.
All he could see was what looked to be a floating pile of blankets. It was a bright mix of colors, all bundled together and taking up almost the entirety of the entryway. A halo of light from the stairway framed the sight and Jeno could think to do nothing but stare.
”Who’s there?” Jeno called out.
The other person tried to take a step forward but one of their blankets caught on the door handle, causing them to let out a series of startled noises and low confused grumbles. Jeno recognized him immediately.
Jisung had come back.
Jeno felt his cheeks heat as he watched Jisung take careful steps towards him, accidentally bumping into Jeno once he reached him, because he couldn’t see over the blankets. And Jeno didn't know what to expect next, but it definitely wasn't Jisung dropping every last blanket on top of him.
The sudden warmth enveloped him as he tried to fight his way out of the beast of blankets. He could hear Jisung saying something, but everything was muffled by cotton and an insistent buzzing in his ears. Once he was out of the bundle and again touched by the sleepy night, he asked Jisung to repeat himself.
“Are you trying to catch a cold?” Jisung repeated his question. There was no hostility in his tone, but instead, his voice was soft and his expression held a gentle concern to it. Jeno looked away to keep Jisung from seeing his smile, and instead moved over on his cushion to make room for him. The other man easily sat himself down, and he felt the color in his cheeks flare as their shoulders and knees overlapped.
It was comfortable like this.
Jeno answered with a confirming noise and nothing more. He turned his attention to untangling the blankets in his lap, and with each one he loosened, he laid them out across their laps. And slowly, the part of him that had felt so bitter and incomplete began to fill with something pleasant.
“You can see the stars tonight.” Jisung whispered after a while. Jeno just nodded his head, glad Jisung didn’t pry into anything else about this night.
And when he looked to Jisung, with the intention of admiring him under the moonlight, he found the other staring right back. Jeno jerked his head to break their gaze, cursing himself in his mind all the while. He tried to pretend like nothing had happened, but the red that bit at his cheeks betrayed him.
“Cute.” Jeno heard Jisung mumble under his breath, an easy chuckle following the word.
“Shut up.” Jeno grumbled back, making an attempt to seem unaffected and failing miserably.
The slow stillness of the night didn’t seem to bother him anymore. His thoughts slurred together until they came to a drunken stop, overwhelmed by the sudden urge for sleep. And so, Jeno nudged Jisung’s shoulder with his own, then fell easily onto his side and into Jisung’s lap.
Jeno felt Jisung hesitate beneath him, but before he could say anything, the other’s muscles began to ease. Jeno felt his heart flutter when Jisung draped his arm over his waist. It wasn't much, but it brought them closer and fueled the flame within him.
He listened as Jisung began to talk about the stars and the universe, and of course, aliens. Jeno soaked in all his words and let them soothe him thoroughly. Jisung’s voice was steady as he spoke in hushed tones full of wonder, and Jeno embraced him. As he closed his eyes, he sealed this memory for safekeeping.
The warmth from Jisung’s hand pulsated through him, and all he could think to do was to reach out and touch. So he did.
In his stupor, he dug his hand out from beneath the blankets and found Jisung’s own, intertwining them easily. Jisung hummed as he squeezed Jeno’s hand just enough to ground him.
Jeno titled his head ever so slightly to catch a view of Jisung against the night sky. He traced Jisung’s jawline with his eyes and completely took him in. This time though, when their eyes met, Jeno didn’t dare look away.
Jisung pried Jeno’s heart open with just a look, as always. It must be easy for him though, when Jeno couldn't help but to lay himself bare in front of him, time and time again.
There was a beat of silence and then Jeno felt a feather-like touch to his temple, brushing his hair just behind his ear. He heard the rumble of a hum before he felt the ghost of Jisung’s lips hovering. Jeno held his breath for what felt like eons, but then Jisung kissed his cheek so delicately, as if he might break at any moment. Again he kissed his temple, but this time, more resolutely. Jeno sighed as the warmth of the kisses lingered.
“Want to head inside?” Jisung whispered out the question so softly Jeno thought he might choke.
“One more minute.” He answered back. His voice split the same way his head did, and he began to think of what tomorrow would bring. Jeno let out a sigh and pressed himself closer to Jisung’s chest, letting the comfort of him being so near seal him off from his worries. Nothing could hurt him now, he wouldn’t let it.
“Okay,” Jisung said, voice brimming with a calmness that Jeno clung to, “okay.”
And so, Jeno let the cold breeze reach him and let a shiver touch him so wholly, for the warmth of this moment was enough to keep him steady.