Work Text:
Although Chuuya and Dazai were partners in the Mafia, they didn’t see or interact with each other often. During the day, both went their separate ways. They spent their time with different people, and even the daily tasks Mori assigned them rarely brought them together. It was only on missions that required both of their abilities, them as Soukoku, that allowed them a chance of getting to know each other better.
Dazai never talked about his feelings. Even when it seems like he was about to tell Chuuya something that truly came from his heart, he was always quick with finding a way to turn his confession into a joke. It usually ends up with Chuuya being the target of it, or even getting the questions he was originally asking Dazai put on to him. Deflecting was something the bandaged asshole did so frequently, that it almost started to go unnoticed.
Chuuya is stubborn. Even though he considers himself caring and loyal, he acts just as closed off emotionally as Dazai for that matter. Even though he knows the boy is troubled, innerly conflicted, and that his deflections and jokes only serve the purpose of a mask that protects his fear of vulnerability, he doesn’t let loose. Because as previously mentioned, he is stubborn. This is why bickering with his partner and returning the same energy seems like the safest option for Chuuya. After all, he doesn’t wanna end up getting hurt.
That is how the dynamic between the two boys had always worked. Well, until recently. See, when you’re kind of forced to trust someone with your life, when they’re the only ones who can calm you down and make you control yourself, some things become inevitable. What certainly adds to this vulnerability is when you’re forced to share physical space with one another .
More precisely, a room. When Chuuya heard Mori mention that he and Dazai are going on a mission where sharing a room is going to be necessary, his first thought was to leave the organization immediately. Because why. Why would Mori do something like that to him? And why the hell was it even necessary? However, what was even more annoying was the fact that both of them knew they couldn’t complain. After all, neither of them have even been made executives by this point.
So what now? How was Chuuya supposed to survive this? His only option was to reassure himself that everything was going to be okay, that he isn’t gonna give Dazai the satisfaction of ruining this mission for him.
It was their first day there. After hours of work and traveling, Chuuya told Dazai it was his turn to take a shower and went straight to bed. In whatever way Dazai wanted to mock him tonight, he was too tired to hear it. He had to admit though, that sharing a room with Dazai did evoke some thoughts in Chuuya’s head. Does the boy change his bandages every night? Why has he been suspiciously quiet since they arrived at the hotel? But that's all too much for tonight. He was too tired to overthink anything right now.
Just as he’s about to drift away into sleep, Chuuya feels a weight drop on his matters. Of course, he thinks, Dazai is still himself at the end of the day.
“Chuuu-ya, wake up”
No reaction.
“Oh come on, I’m bored, I know you’re still awake. You wouldn’t dare to blow your own partner off like that, would you?”
Still no reaction.
Dazai lets out a sigh, following with an “Ok, fine.”
Just a second later, Chuuya’s bed is shaking. Dazai decided to jump on it up and down like a five-year-old child, and Chuuya has had enough.
“WHAT?” he almost yelled in frustration.
He could already sense Dazai’s smirk that appeared on his face before he even turned around to see it.
“Lets play truth or dare” his partner suggested casually.
“No.” the answer came shot out immediately.
“Please, I know you want to”
“No, go to sleep. Are you a child? And get off my bed, you have your own.”
After a couple of moments of silence, Chuuya assumed he would be too tired to continue whatever he was trying to do. He was wrong. Dazai didn’t say another word, but instead simply laid down next to Chuuya and covered himself with his blanket.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing asshole? Didn’t you hear what I just said?”
“I did, but I’m not tolerating this mean treatment I’m receiving at the moment.”
So dramatic, Chuuya thought.
He knew that there was nothing in the world right now that would make Dazai leave. They could bicker for hours on end, but Chuuya was honestly just too tired for it. Late at night he just didn’t have the energy for such things. So letting the idiot get his way right now was the easiest solution. And who knows, he might even learn some things about his partner that could be useful for the future.
“Fine.” Chuuya sighed. “But don’t be weird about it.”
"Me? Never."
And so the game began. At first, they were fighting a bit, mainly because Dazai asked truth questions on “dare” or complained about Chuuya’s being too boring. However, once they got a bit into the game, the atmosphere got quite calm.
“Dare” Dazai decided. Of course, he picked dare.
“I dare you to not be sarcastic for this whole game. Everything you say has actually got to be the truth. No lies or snarky jokes.”
Dazai paused for a second but then agreed. Surprisingly with no complaints.
“Truth or dare slug?” he while fiddling with the corner of the blanket
“Stop with that nickname. And truth”
“What’s your physical type?”
Dazai asked this like he was waiting the whole time to do so. Why does he care? The two never spoke about such things as crushes, love, or relationships.
“Uhm, I don’t really have one I think,” replied Chuuya, hoping to move on from this topic quickly. Then he remembered who he was playing this game with.
“Oh come on, you’re so boring. Just list some physical features you find attractive in girls, it doesn’t have to be exactly your type.”
Ok, he can do this. Just start naming some basic things, he told himself
“Ok. Uhm...Long brown hair, big eyes, a nice figure, and a big smile.”
That was okay, right? At least it seemed so because Dazai didn’t make any comment about it. He just nodded and continued with the game.
“I also choose truth” he declared.
“How many of those girls you flirt with did you actually manage to get with?”
Now, Chuuya meant this more in a joking type of way. Dazai’s always openly flirting with girls everywhere they go, that's even one of the things people know him for. Chuuya also often made snarky remarks about it to him, teasing him for his “inappropriate behaviors'‘. So when Dazai gave his reply, in a serious tone and expression, Chuuya’s brain just kind of stopped for a second.
“None” a quick pause followed. “You do know that I only hit on girls for work purposes right? It never goes further than flirting either. I didn’t know you thought of me as such a player, Chibi.”
What? That can’t be true. He saw. Well when he thinks about it now, he never actually saw anything. He also never caught Dazai bragging about getting with a specific girl. Dazai did promise not to lie, but honestly, Chuuya didn’t expect him to actually keep his promise…
Before he could get his thoughts out, Dazai just quickly said “It’s my turn now.”
“Dare”
“Pick truth”
“That’s not how the game works,” said Chuuya in a louder tone. “Give me an actual dare.“
“Okay, Okay. Kiss, marry, kill: That silver-haired guy from the sheep, the girl-“
“Shirase and Yuan.” Chuuya interrupted.
“Whatever..and..me.”
“First of all, that’s not really a dare but fine. Kiss Yuan, kill Shirase, and marry you.” Chuuya felt a weird feeling in his stomach when he got that last part of the sentence out.
“Aww, Chuuya wants to marry me. How adorable~”
“Shut up you idiot. Don’t let it get to your head. They betrayed me, it’s not like I had much of a choice. Marrying you would be a hell nobody would want to live in.”
Dazai grinned and blew him a kiss. How disgusting.
After Dazai finished his dare of asking Akutagawa to buy him cat food (Which Chuuya found amusing, considering the fact that nobody in the mafia owns one), it was the mackerel's turn to ask again. This time, the question was, well, a bit different.
“Why did you lie?”, he asked after Chuuya chose truth.
A confused “Huh?” immediately came out as a reflexive response.
Chuuya had to get himself together and play it cool. Because even though Dazai is extremely annoying, dumb is not one of the things he is.
“Lie about what?”
“Your type.”
Play it cool, play it cool...
“I don’t know what you mean. I told you-“
“And there you go, lying again. You’re not very slick with it Chibi. I know you don’t like girls.”
Chuuya’s entire body froze in an instant. That last sentence began echoing in his head. What was he supposed to say now? Maybe this game was not a good idea. The problem is, he didn’t even know why he was so nervous. He knew that he didn’t like girls for a long time now, and thought he was confident in sharing that fact with anybody who asked.
But something about him and Dazai being alone in this setting, about Dazai so flatly calling him out, is giving him anxiety and making him want to disappear right now. After a few moments of silence and a sigh, he finally collected himself enough to say.
“Look, I don’t know what you’re trying to do here, but If you’re just going to make fun of me, we should break off this game right now. Let's just both go to bed.”
Fuck, he just knew Dazai caught the shaking in his voice and saw his eyes starting to get glassy. You really can’t hide anything from him. At this point, Chuuya can just pray to not break down right now.
But Dazai is also full of surprises. You never know exactly what he’s about to say, or how surprising the gentleness of his voice can be.
“Hey Chuuya,” he said softly. “I don’t have anything against that you know,” He looked up to the ceiling. “I just pointed out that you’re lying when there was no reason to do so.”
“You wouldn’t understand how it is for me,” replied Chuuya in a raspy voice quietly.
Because he didn’t. Hearing stories about how people like you are being shamed, discriminated against, and even killed doesn’t make coming out very easy. Especially with Dazai’s teasing demeanor, he really wouldn’t want to receive some unnecessary comments right now. He has to admit though, that Dazai’s words do sound genuine. Maybe he is serious for once in his life. One thing he knows for sure is that he definitely didn’t expect what his partner said next.
After an awkward minute of silence, after Chuuya just sat there looking down, Dazai continued. “Ah yes, because you of course
are the only one here who feels that way.”
At this point, Chuuya’s only response was to glare wide-eyed. Because what does he mean by ‘the only one -here-?’
“Oh sorry, I promised not to be sarcastic. Haha.”
Now the ginger was totally confused. So he had to check if Dazai was joking one last time.
“Stop messing around asshole.”
“And what If I’m not messing around? Is it that hard for you to believe I could like boys as well?” Dazai lay on his elbow, resting his palm on his cheek.
“Well,” Chuuya still couldn’t fully process what was happening right now. It was almost like a fever dream. “I don’t know, I guess I never really thought about it…You only ever talk about girls so…”
Dazai chuckled lightly. “You can like both you know?”
“Yes, I know,” Chuuya replied almost defensively. He kind of feels dumb now for never even seeing it as a possibility for Dazai. Sure, he’s wondered, but always immediately crossed out that possibility for some reason.
“Ok, so what’s actually your type then?” he asked eagerly.
“Oh my god, why do you want to know so bad” Chuuya tried sounding annoyed, but now a smile appeared on his face.
“I’m curious. You never talk about things like that.”
Things like that. Well, it’s not only because he was into boys, but Chuuya never actually liked someone enough to want to pursue them. The only “crush”
he really had was Shirase, but that only resulted in one kiss that was never mentioned again. Shirase claimed to “not remember it”, which the ginger knew was a lie. But that's all in the past, they were just young and confused teenagers at the end of the day.
“Uhm, I guess everything I said but in guy version? Tall and a nice smile?” The fact that he also mentioned brown hair is going to be left out right now since that whole description would accurately fit a certain someone in this room.
“So I would be your type then?” That asshole.
Chuuya clicked his tongue. “You wish” I mean listen, as annoying as the mackerel is, the fact that he is attractive can unfortunately not be denied. His big eyes, the way his hair framed his face, his long fingers, and his porcelain skin never went unnoticed, to say the least.
“Let’s continue our game now Chibi~. It’s your turn. I choose dare.”
“I dare you to tell me the names of all people you’ve ever kissed,” he demanded.
Dazai paused for a second, sat up, turned his head to Chuuya again, and answered. “So nosy. Uhm ok let’s see.” another pause followed. “Yeah, that would be all of them.”
“Stop playing mackerel. Didn’t you promise to drop the sarcasm?”
But when Dazai didn’t reply to that and just kept looking at him as If he was waiting for the boy to connect the dots, Chuuya finally did. Oh. Wait, that can’t be true right? Dazai did mention earlier how he never went further than flirting with the girls he was seen with but never kissed anyone in his life.
“Why have you never kissed anyone “ was the follow-up question Chuuya asked.
“I think it's my turn to ask questions now.”
Chuuya rolled his eyes. “Ok fine, truth.”
“Do you think I’m attractive?”
a “HUH?” immediately escaped Chuuya’s mouth.
“Well, answer the question” demanded the brunette.
“Uhm…You’re alright I guess? Not my cup of tea.” he lied quickly.
“Hmm. So you’re telling me that If I leaned in to kiss you right now, you would pull away?”
What. Now everything feels like a fever dream. He wouldn’t actually do it tho, would he? Well, it was already late to question that. He could feel the temperature of the room and his body increasing as Dazai moved closer and looked him directly in the eye. Then he put his hand on Chuuya’s shoulder and tilted his head sideways.
In the next few seconds, Chuuya’s body froze once again, as Dazai pressed a 3-second long, closed-mouth kiss onto his lips. Although Dazai’s body is always cold, Chuuya still felt the warmth of his lips as they touched his. Everything was happening so fast, that he didn't even have time to process what the hell was going on at that moment.
“Hah, I knew it” he announced proudly.
Chuuya’s face was most likely maroon by now. If he wasn’t going to allow one thing, it would be for Dazai to be right.
“Shut up, it’s not like that! I didn’t even have time to pull away, it came out of nowhere!”
“So If I do it again, you’re going to pull away this time?”
“Oh my god seriously, what’s your pro-“
Spoiler alert: He didn’t pull away. He didn’t get to finish that sentence, because Dazai interrupted it with another kiss. This one was with much more force and lasted longer. This time, Cuuuya even put his hand on Dazai’s neck as their bodies faced each other and their lips moved in sync.
“I hate you” whispered Chuuya when they both pulled away for a second. After that, Dazai pecked his mouth once more. The thing is, Chuuya wanted to be stubborn. He wanted to pull away and cuss Dazai out. But at this time late at night, in this specific situation, when this was one of the first times he ever caught the idiot showing a bit more emotion, he couldn’t resist. He doesn’t know if it was his body, his mind, or a combination of both that simply just -gave in.
“Hehe, you’re cute when you’re flustered,” Dazai said before a grin appeared on his face and he lightly pinched one of Chuuya’s cheeks. When he didn’t respond but just looked at Dazai, he added
“You alright?” This might be the most genuine the mackerel has ever sounded to him. Chuuya nodded.
“Why did u do that?” he asked in a quiet tone
“Do what?” the grin was still on his face.
“Kiss me.” It was an honest question.
“To avoid the previous question you asked me when I picked truth.” came as an answer.
“Can you please be serious for once?” said Chuuya annoyingly. He had to be sure this wasn’t just some sick prank his partner decided to pull. Or worse, that Dazai just wanted to take advantage of him.
“Sorry,” he replied before gently placing his hand on the ginger’s wrist. Chuuya’s stomach did a little jump. “I don’t know. Would you believe me If I told you that I just wanted to kiss you?”
That was a good question. Under normal circumstances, If Dazai had just told him he wanted to kiss, no. But right now? After he had done it twice?
“I don’t know.” It was an honest answer.
“Do you think I’m just using you?” Dazai assumed. How did that boy always know what Chuuya was feeling or thinking?
“Are you?” he asked back, and it seemed like the taller already had prepared for that question to be asked.
“Come here” he motioned with his hand. Chuuya moved closer to him, when the brunette laid down, took Chuuya’s arms, and wrapped them around his waist. They almost naturally fell into a position where the shorter boy was hugging him, while the other had put his arms on Chuuya’s shoulders and around his neck.
Then, Dazai placed his chin on Chuuya’s head, and while playing with his hair, he proclaimed in an almost whisper.
“I’m not using you, idiot, I’m in love with you.”
This was the third time tonight Chuuya’s body had stopped working for a few moments. He immediately tilted his head upwards to look Dazai in the eyes while asking.
“You’re what?”
“Well you know that feeling, where you get butterflies in your stomach and care for someone more than you would like to? Where you want to be close with and kiss them all the time? All that corny stuff? Yeah, I think that’s what they call 'being in love'”
Although this sarcastic response would’ve usually bothered him, Chuuya’s brain now completely ignored it. The only thought that kept recurring in this head right now was Dazai loves me a million times over again. How could something like that be true?
“Earth to Chuuya? Don’t leave me hanging here with no response to my heartfelt love confession.” Dazai complained. He acted like confessing your love to someone was the easiest thing there is to do on this planet.
“Why.” He didn’t know why he asked that question, it was just the only thing that came out at that moment. He didn’t believe he was unlovable or anything like that, but the fact that it was Dazai who so openly confessed it? That was the surprise. If anything, Chuuya thought he would be the one to accidentally blurt it out one day. And yes, he has known for quite a while that he liked his partner in crime as more than a friend. However, he was both stubborn and a bit scared of that feeling, so confessing wasn’t something he thought of ever doing.
“Well~ I don’t really know to be honest. I guess I was just struck by this disease one day” he pats Chuuya’s head and moved some of his hair away from his forehead. And now seemed to be my only chance to tell you.”
“Is that why you wanted to play this game in the first place?”
“Maybe” the brunette smiled again.
“You’re such a weirdo.” huffed Chuuya. After a pause, he quickly pressed a kiss onto the other’s cheek. Dazai hummed in response.
“Since when?” he eventually asked. “Have you loved me?” It still felt unreal saying it out loud.
“Chibi’s asking me the hard questions now,” Dazai complained. He put his thinking face on and a bit later replied.
“Pretty much ever since I’ve known of your small existence, but it took me some time to realize it. Maybe after the first time you successfully used corruption? I mean this makes sense, my brain took some time to process that I could fall for such a microscopic being.”
“Hey!” Chuuya slapped his shoulder lightly. “You have the audacity to make fun of me right now? You’re the one here who’s lovesick here.” He moved closer to the other boy and teased him playfully.
“Hmm, but judging by your body language, I think I’m not the only one. Especially a couple of minutes ago, your lips told me everything I needed to know without even saying the words.”
That bastard. Chuuya could already feel his face picking up an ever darker shade of red now.
“Okay but what If I just kissed you because I find you attractive?” he wondered. He said this as a joke of course, but he could feel Dazai stiffening up next to him a bit. His grin turned into pressed lips, and Chuuya immediately felt bad.
“I didn’t. I’m sorry I said that, I was just messing with you.” he apologized and hugged the other boy closer.
“Has anyone ever told you your sense of humor needs some work?”
Chuuya wheezed and kissed Dazai’s forehead. “Only you every day.”
This time, Chuuya took the initiative and leaned in to kiss the other. He placed his palm on the brunette’s cheek and tested the waters by licking into his mouth just a tiny bit. Dazai made a little sound in his throat and deepened the kiss. For a while, they did just that. Traded kisses and kept each other close, as if they wanted to make up all the time that was wasted by both of them being horrible at expressing feelings.
Somewhere between another kiss, Chuuya finally confessed.
“I’ve liked you for a long time too.” Dazai glanced at him, listening with his eyes. “But I was so sure you weren’t into me, so I just kept it to myself.”
His partner smiled and patted his head again. “How could I not be into this annoying cute little face?”
“You’re giving me a lot of mixed signals here, you know?”
They both smiled at each other now. After a few more lazy kisses and spilled secrets, the two boys fell asleep tangled up in each other.
When Chuuya woke up, Dazai was already out of bed in the kitchen. Being annoyed by the lack of warmth left in the bed, he got up and tiptoed over to the kitchen, where he found Dazai brewing coffee. He grabbed the brunette’s waist and hugged him from behind.
“Morning Chibi. Slept well?”
“Mhm.” he hummed in response.
“I made you coffee.” He handed Chuuya the plastic cup he put it in, where he also drew a little heart on. Who knew the mackerel could be so sappy?
So he decided to try and return that affection but in a bit of a different way.
“Thanks love.”
“Love?” Dazai stopped in his tracks.
Chuuya moved closer to him again, now facing the other.
“Don’t act like you don’t like it.” he grinned.
“I’m not I ju-“ Dazai was interrupted by a kiss. Chuuya was obviously shorter than him, so he had to go on his tiptoes to be able to reach him.
“Is this how you’re going to shut me up from now?” he said with a smirk.
“Maybe. We’ll see,” answered Chuuya honestly. “Come on, we need to pack now.” He was about to drag the taller by his arm, but he stopped in his tracks.
“Hey Chuuya?” he said in a quieter tone.
“Yeah?”
“Are we…like dating now?”
Well, dating was a bit of a difficult topic for Chuuya. He had always promised himself not to date until he was an adult, that it was more important for him to focus on his job, instead of worrying about getting his heart broken.
However, this Dazai situation has left him feeling a bit different. First of all, it’s kind of a part of his job to spend time with his partner. Second, this is the first time that he felt truly comfortable in the other's presence. And to feel like this every day? Who was he to resist that? Hell, he deserves to follow his heart for once.
“If Mori doesn’t throw us both out of the Mafia, sure.” he smiled.
Dazai immediately walked up to him and hugged him. This still felt new, since the two boys never shared any physical affection. The only time Dazai even touched him was when he fell unconscious from using his ability. Although Dazai was scrawny, his hug was solid and made Chuuya’s whole body warm.
“I think we’re gonna manage to keep a secret or two just fine.” Dazai believed.
“Yeah,” said Chuuya a bit unsurely, considering how bad he was at hiding things.
He was half right. In his defense, it wasn’t only him who couldn’t resist showing public affection. It was also his partner who tried to hold hands with him under the table at meetings, who made rather unnecessarily loud noises during make-out sessions, and who decided that the best time to try new pick-up lines was in public.
However, they managed to keep it a secret nonetheless by some miracle. Three weeks into their dating, Chuuya asked Dazai to be his boyfriend, and the taller one has not let the nickname ‘my little boyfriend’ go since then.
“Chuuya?” Dazai mumbled one night he snuck into his boyfriend's room again.
“Yes?”
“You love me right?”
That was not the question he was expecting, and If he was honest, it pissed him off a little bit. How could he not love everything about the guy?
“Of course I do. Why in the hell would you think otherwise?” he confusingly answered.
“I don’t know, I just had to check…”
Chuuya wheezed lightly. He climbed onto the bed where Dazai was laying and pressed a kiss on his lips.
“Who’s the idiot now?” the ginger smiled and looked into his partner’s eyes. He looked beautiful in this dim lighting.
“You’re dating an idiot then.” the boy finally replied.
“Yeah…I really am.”