Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“I thought that, for a man who usurped an entire kingdom for years, you were smarter than this” the silence in the ample office was broken by the swordsman

“Beg you pardon?” The deep voice of Crocodile reverberated in the room, he was clearly upset with his business partner

Mihawk stood up and threw some documents on the ex-warlord lap, it was the accounting memo of that circus island, apparently

“You lent that clown FIFTY million berries?” With a chuckle, Crocodile raised the documents to his face while Mihawk crossed his arms and raised a brow, expecting an appropriate answer from the other man.

“It was fifty five million actually…” the sand-sand user corrected the numbers with a nearby pen. He could feel the glare of his partner on him so he sighed, raising his head to answer the pending question “He asked me for money, I lent him some pocket money, it’s not a big deal, really”
Mihawk focused intently on the other man, there was something weird about this whole deal, and he didn’t know yet if he wanted to learn the truth about it.

The taller man was getting annoyed by the swordsman’s scrutiny so he put his cigar down the ashtray and proceeded to exit the room

“Crocodile” Mihawk said, making the other man release the handle of the door and turn around only to see Mihawk with his head tilted and a deeper frown “why does the clown call you ‘Croccy-baby’?”

“How about we stop talking for a little while?” Crocodile said rapidly before vanishing in a swirl of sand

Chapter Text

“See? I told you” said Shanks putting his only hand over his first mate’s shoulder. He was carrying both of the men of the moment wanted posters “BugsBugs IS a great pirate, you were too harsh on him.”

Benn Beckmann rolled his eyes for the fifth time that morning, not only his captain was infatuated by a literal clown, but he also was delusional. Who in their right mind would think that the scrawny buffoon Shanks insisted to save from the Summit War could be a Lord of the Sea? Fake news, that Akainu guy surely was trying to demoralize all of the Grand Line by making those kind of announcements. There’s no way…

“Shanks” the gunman tried to cut his captain’s obnoxious jabbering, unsuccessfully “Red Hair!” no response, the guy kept blabbering about that one time he had to give the clown CPR for the millionth time “Shanks, I’m about to puke”

That seemed to catch the red hair’s attention, who scoffed and put his hand over his mouth, apparently offended “Damn Benn, I didn’t know you were a homophobe” the glare the captain received was enough for the pirate to break his façade and burst out laughing.

“Don’t you think this is going to bring a lot of trouble for that fool?” again, the captain’s attention was caught “You are a Lord of the Sea, you know firsthand how harsh the Navy became after you got that title” Benn was impressed at how quickly the emotions were flowing on his captain’s face: From absolute zero understanding to an horror only matched to that one time he accidentally dropped Uta overboard.

“Oh gods, is he doomed?” the pirate muttered to himself.

“He’s pretty much doomed” Benn agreed.

“We have to help him!” the captain suddenly yelled.

“We? Since when you speak French?” the second in command turned away, trying to keep his disrupted daily schedule going but was again grabbed by the shoulder by that 39-year-old teenager.

“It’s been so long since the Red Pirates made an alliance, isn’t it?” the grin on the swordsman face was so punchable Benn had to stop himself to take a deep breath.

“It ain’t happening, you can’t be that dumb. I’m not going to go down in history as the guy who worked with the circus clown” Shanks laughed again and patted his mate’s back

“No no no, FOR the circus clown. Man, you always give me the best ideas, no wonder you are the second in command. I’ll call BugsBugs right now! Trace his last locations, we are parting tomorrow!” the idiot dared to leave to his cabin skipping like a schoolboy who just got a date with his sweetheart.

“Is he alright?” Yassop approached Benn after seeing their captain leaving.

“Sadly yes. He wants to form an alliance with the clown” the grey haired pirate handed the newspaper to the parenting-allergic pirate, who checked it quickly, making a face “Tell Roo to go and buy some food before we sail. We have a long day ahead of us”

The rest of the day Shanks was changing moods dramatically from lovesick creep, talking with the rookies about how Color Theory says that blue and red are a phenomenal combination to heartbroken ghoul, because the new “Lord of the Sea” wasn’t taking his calls.

The next day, Benn arrived to the crow nest early to check how the sea was behaving for them to sail. To his surprise he found his captain there, bags under his eyes. He didn’t sleep, preoccupied about his childhood crush wellbeing. But something was off, that expression wasn’t concern…

“Mornin’” Benn tried to break the atmosphere, waving a hand in front of his face. Shanks was looking at some undefined point of the endless sea, with a blank expression for what it seemed to be a long time. “You alright?” he didn’t react, so Benn shook him gently. That’s when he heard something falling from his hand: Today’s newspaper.

Benn reached for the document, internally worrying about the clown. Yeah, he was a weakling, but the guy was charming in his own way. And, more importantly, he was precious to his captain. After several seconds holding his breath, Benn finally burst out laughing when he found what left Shanks in that state.

“Well, at least we know he’s safe now! Gotta admit Buggy almost looks threatening here” Benn tried to cheer his captain up, showing him the Cross Guild alliance poster. Shanks finally reacted to that, fixating his gaze on the image, with horror.

“I’ve been cucked by my best friend.”

Chapter Text

“Your decorations are very particular, Red hair” the swordsman was looking around the Emperor’s quarters. Moving around was the only way to elude the putrid alcohol stench of the room, in which Shanks insisted to meet him to avoid eavesdropping from outsiders.

“Oh, so now the gothic nerd is going to preach me about interior design” Shanks said mockingly as the other man rolled his eyes.

“I mean this” he said pointing at one of the walls. On it, there was what could only be described as a fan altar about a weird pirate guy with a red nose “Who on earth is this clown?”

Shanks was taking a swig from one of Mihawk’s wine bottles as he furrowed his brow at the man’s comment.

“What you mean? I’ve told you plenty about BugsBugs” the Emperor tilted his head, confused.

“This clown was on Roger’s ship!?” Mihawk exclaimed pointing at the sorry sight of the wanted poster.

Shanks moved his hand up and down, telling him to keep it quiet.

“Shhh geez, Mihi. We are at shore and walls have eyes” he reprimanded the older man.

“Ears” Mihawk corrected.

“Whatever. If that info is leaked, BugsBugs would be in trouble! I can’t put him in danger!” He said over dramatically.

Mihawk was standing very still, trying to process all the stories his friend told him about the blue clown.

‘He’s so brave, he tried battling Shiki on his own’ The truth was that Shiki the Lion called him ‘red nose’ and the guy’s short lived blind rage made him charge at Shiki.

‘He’s so intelligent, he survived one week on the desert by himself’ In reality, Buggy found an oasis resort on the first day he got lost and then stayed there on a short vacation till Rayleigh found him.

‘He’s so creative, he managed to create a system to keep track of all the money I owed him and automatically add the interest fees’ no comment on that.

“Fifteen million berries?” Mihawk pointed out the measly sum the marines offered for his head.

“Hey, he’s trying to maintain a low profile!” The Emperor defended him. How far in denial was this guy, anyways?

“Your standards are far lower than I initially pictured” the swordsman said with a faint grin

“Hey, cut me some slack! The guy is fun!” Shanks laughed at the comment and Mihawk rolled his eyes for the fifth time that morning. That Buggy guy seemed to be one obnoxious fella.

The clown’s ugly mug became a distant memory for years, till he got face to face with the fugitive during the Summit war and Mihawk was proven wrong.

Not only he was obnoxious, but he was also loud, flashy, had a horrible sense of style, a short fuse and was probably one of the most cowardly people he ever knew.

Mihawk couldn’t help but inadvertently follow the clown with his eyes, puzzled by the man. Even in his absolutely clear state of horror, he had loyal group of convict fans behind him, buttering him up.

First Shanks and then those idiots. How? Was it some kind of weird dumbing Haki? What was going on here on this day?

From across the battlefield Mihawk could hear Whitebeard acknowledging the clown’s presence. Even if he was on Roger’s ship, the fact that the Emperor remembered that guy baffled him.

“You are that funny red nose bastard who was always with Red Hair, aren’t you?” The Emperor smirked with amusement at Buggy

“WHO ARE YOU CALLING RED NOSE YOU OLD FART!?” Buggy yelled automatically, de-attaching his upper body to face him.

Mihawk contained a snort, the clown really had a short fuse. An unpredictable fool, Mihawk wondered how he managed to survive this far. What a sad joke of a man.  

Then the battle started, and he quickly forgot about the clown, for a bit. Until the man himself showed up in front of him as an unwilling human shield for the Strawhat.

That fruit… If it had a better user, it could be something to behold, but ‘attached’ -heh good one Mihawk, thanks Mihawk- to that fool it was just like the clown himself, obnoxious.

“You are that pompous asshole Hawky aren’t you!? Take this: MUGGY BALL” Buggy yelled while throwing a bullet from… his foot?

‘Pompous asshole? Hawky????’ Mihawk was almost impressed at how much of an idiot that guy could be. Subconsciously, he deflected the attack towards Buggy, who didn’t even have time to elude it. Why didn’t he use armor Haki to defeat the clown? Out of respect for Shanks? The world may never know.

As soon as it started the war ended, and Mihawk could see the clown and his acolytes escaping with Shanks, who was being yelled at by the blue menace. Unsurprisingly, the look on the Emperor face was that of an enamored fool. Mihawk grimaced and left for Kuragaina, enough clowns for a lifetime.

But life sometimes is like the worst clown joke, apparently. If being disposed of his title as Warlord wasn’t enough, if losing his quiet life in his gothic-esque paradise wasn’t enough… He was officially working for the clown.

Even if it was just a cover, the fact that people BELIEVED he was working for the clown was enough to make his skin crawl. He was as loud as an obnoxious as ever. But he had to admit it was fun looking at him squirm because of the negligence of his underlings.

But that ship was the last straw.

“Let’s take this to the meeting room” Crocodile spoke, voice almost trembling due to the anger. Buggy responded with a nod; his face was that of a man who already accepted death.

After half an hour in what Buggy called jokingly ‘the kinky dungeon’, way before it was used to torture him, the clown was actually growing some balls and telling them back.

“You know what? Fuck you, I’ve been waiting all my life for this. I won’t stay still when that idiot is making his move. I want to be the Pirate King, goddammit!” he yelled, tears flowing visibly.

“Maybe we hit him too hard, Crocodile” Mihawk wondered.

“Or not hard enough” Crocodile rebutted, throwing the clown’s head to the ground.

Buggy pouted, his gaze was hard now, even if he couldn’t help his tears from escaping his eyes. He stumbled to the announcements Den Den Mushi.

“You guys hear me out! It’s finally time, we’re going after it…” Crocodile stepped on his face to try to shut him up, but it was too late “WE ARE GOING TO CLAIM THE ONE PIECE!”

 Shanks was right

The guy is fun

Chapter Text

In times of war and uncertainty gossiping becomes one of the world’s guilty pleasures. Morgans perfectly knew about that when he decided to begin running a bi-weekly magazine supplement with the latest juicy news from the Grand Line called “A sea of Passion”, covering the most trivial matters of the sea like the frequent marriages in the Big Mom family, interviews with the public’s favorite marines (and some pirates, Cavendish was a regular) or straight up romance stories involving the most popular figures in the world.

The level of inventive in those last stories was very variable. For instance, covering the flowering romance between vice admiral Koby and the daughter of the Fleet admiral was as easy as looking at their interactions for more than two minutes. Morgans knew that his team shouldn’t just focus on the verifiable couples the world had, but he also had to made up some interesting content that may not be all that based on reality.

Was it moral? Maybe not. Was it profitable? Absolutely.

For instance, two years ago a story about the impossible romance between a marine and a pirate earned them a big raise in sales and few threats from the people involved. It was easy to fool the audience really, cropping photos to make them look more suggestive was a very effective way to make their stories believable for the audience.

According to Morgans there were two important rules to keep in mind when writing those stories: Believability and absurdity. It might seem that they were opposing forces but in fact, they worked hand in hand. For example, it might seem idiotic to write about “The Tormented Love Life” of a cruel pirate who sent a hundred hearts to the navy’s HQ but it definitely sells. The juxtaposition of a person widely known for their cruelty and a deep dive into his more “human” emotions was highly addictive to the readers. Morgans knew that and didn’t hesitate to approve the most absurd ideas from his subordinates, if they sticked to his rules, it was all good.

The latest issue of “A sea of Passion” flew away along their regular newspaper, it contained what could be their most ambitious made-up love story, but it was so absurd and so believable that Morgans knew for a fact that the public would devour it. The photos were so suggestive they didn’t even have to crop some of them, since the physical closeness was enough proof for most of their readers. Also, the idea of a polycule conformed by three of the most dangerous pirates of their generation was impossible to leave anyone indifferent.

…

Buggy was sitting on the crow’s nest of his newly made ship, waiting for the new delivery of the World Economy News Paper. He wasn’t big on reading the current affairs of the world, as he was actually being one of those current affairs, but he enjoyed reading the bi-weekly supplement that came with it. It was dumb and entertaining enough to leave his worries at shore for a few hours.

Since he unwillingly created Cross Guild most of his time was spent on his ‘meetings’ with Mihawk and Crocodile, who were still mad about his whole search for the One Piece fiasco. Fortunately, in the last ‘meetings’ he was just used as a decoration hanging from a hook on the wall while the other two discussed their next moves. Buggy wasn’t sure why they kept on insisting him to be there, but he was glad they weren’t so mad at him anymore as to resort at physical violence at any chance.

‘It’s more believable for the crew if you are here’ Mihawk explained one time Buggy dared to ask why he had to attend the meetings.

With time and out of boredom, Buggy decided to tell some inputs in their plans. Surprisingly for the three of them, the inputs were useful, and the couple ended up following the clown’s advice on several occasions. Mihawk was the most surprised out of the three, pointing he couldn’t comprehend how the dumbest person he ever met was able to come up with actual useful ideas.

‘Hey, I’m not just a pretty face, Hawky’ Buggy tried to joke earning a quick kick from the swordsman and a snort from the sand-sand user, which Buggy wasn’t sure if it was due to his joke or Mihawk’s kick. Fortunately, meetings were over for that day, so Buggy didn’t have to deal with his partners’ shit anymore.

Anyways, Buggy finally got up the moment he saw the News Coos approaching, throwing several issues on the ship’s deck. Buggy easily managed to grab one by de-attaching his hand from his body. With a smile, he sat comfortably on the cushioned seat in the crow’s nest. He took out the bi-weekly magazine with a satisfied hum.

Finally, after three awful months, he could relax and just turn off his mind to read some mindless entertainment about the intimate affairs of people he didn’t know in faraway places.

Finally, he could rest for just one day...

‘THE GUILD OF LOVE: Learn all about the hottest New World throuple’

On the cover of the magazine there was a corny edit of the Cross Guild poster covered in hearts and other lovey-dovey paraphernalia. Someone even edited their faces to make them look like the three of them were blushing.

Buggy looked at the cover with a neutral expression, his brain unable to process the image to self-preserve his sanity. Buggy rubbed his eyes, he was tired, it was likely a sleep deprived hallucination… When he opened them again his blush-y portrait was still looking at him.

Ok so it wasn’t a dream… Buggy’s blood run cold, yet his brain was still trying to convince him that it was probably a misprint. ‘A sea of Passion’ was probably talking about the obvious chemistry between Mihawk and Crocodile, no way he was mentioned. Also, didn’t they write something about him and the stupid Red Hair after the Summit War? Yeah, they definitely did, Buggy remembered writing some death threats to the journalists. It’s obviously impossible that they took time to invent two different stories about the same person, right?

… Right?

Even if Buggy was trying to rationalize all of that, he was unable to open the magazine.

“Oh look, they interviewed Uta again! How nice” he said with faked cheerfulness trying to not pay attention to what could be his death sentence. He finally convinced himself to open the issue with that in mind only to be greeted by a neon pink lettering.

‘How love crossed the Bombastic Clown’s heart.’

Ok, so it was about him too.

Buggy frenetically started to look at the article, covered in about 20 full colored pages. Every new piece of information made his stomach churn a bit more. The article was almost a photobook of them in various situations. There were several photos of Buggy’s personal space being invaded by the other two, which were cropped strategically to make it look like they weren’t threatening him but sharing an intimate moment.

Every piece of information he read was more demeaning than the one before: How their past was linked due to the ‘Red string of fate’, how Shanks broke both his and the swordsman’s heart and made them find shelter in each other’s arms, how Crocodile was always concern about Buggy’s wellbeing and helped him financially, there was even a quiz named ‘Which member of Cross Guild are you?’ ‘Includes posters of each of the members of Cross Guild looking their cutest!’ Buggy hated the choice for his poster, which was basically him tying his hair in the Marine ship in which he escaped from Impel Down looking at the camera over his shoulder with a rather unamused look, it barely reminded him of that red haired bimbo from Luffy's crew wanted poster. Did his guys have a picture for every day of his fucking life or what?

“I’m so dead” Buggy muttered at the sight of the out-of-pocket stories. None of that was true, well, some of it was true but not for the reasons they say. Crocodile never lent him money for his wellbeing. Wait, why did he lend him money, anyways? Buggy didn’t remember exactly; he just woke up after the Impel Down escape party and there were 55 million berries in his nightstand along with an I.O.U document signed by Crocodile and himself. The memories of that night were blurry due to the hangover, and he prefers them to keep them that way.

“CLOWN! MEETING ROOM, NOW!” A distinguishable deep voice called from the deck. So, he also read “A sea of Passion”. With dread, Buggy climbed down the ropes, a wide stupid smile on his face trying to suppress the immediate need of running away. He perfectly knew there was no place to hide from the pair.

He stepped down to the stairs to the ‘meeting room’ looking at the ground all the way to the door. They were definitely going to kill him now. He entered the room and closed the door locking it after, as he was always told.

“Sit down, clown” the swordsman said coldly. Sit? They never let him sit during the meetings, he was usually hanged from a hook and left to rot. He truly was in deep shit. He obeyed quickly looking at the desk surface while fidgeting with his hands under the table nervously.

A big jewelry adorned hand crashed the magazine issue on the desk just in his eye level. Buggy emitted an undignified whimper at the harsh action, and quickly tried to defend himself.

“I swear on Roger’s grave I have nothing to do with this” the clown said raising his hands in the air as if he was getting arrested “I told the guys to consult me before making any moves with the press I swear-“ he was cut when Yoru appeared under his nose.

“We know you didn’t write this, its signed by that bird guy from the press who was always at the Warlord’s meetings” Mihawk pointed out “But your guys sent them the photos, why?”

Buggy was lost at words.

“Well, we might look very…” he tried to find a dignified adjective to not offend both men “imposing as an alliance to them?” Buggy faked a toothy smirk although his eyes were clamoring for mercy.

A random page from the issue was pressed on his face by the logia user.

“Does this look imposing to you?” Crocodile said in a growl. The image was of them three in a circle with Buggy in the middle fidgeting with his fingers. The angle and digital added blushes made the clown look like a teenager in front of his crushes.

“’Cross Guild ship sets sail’” Crocodile read the curly headline with dread “How the fuck those bastards know we have taken off already? Do you have a mole among your idiotic crew?” the man was furious, his whole gimmicks managing organizations were stealth and going incognito mode for as long as possible. Neither of those were possible with the clown nearby.

Buggy had no heart to tell him he was misinterpreting the wording, and no guts either. Luckily for him Mihawk intervened.

“They don’t know we set sail, Crocodile. They are implying we three are in a romantic relationship” the swordsman explained bluntly, surprising both men. At the clown’s incredulous expression, he just shrugged “Red Hair likes to read those things and he likes to talk, that lingo is not something I learned willingly” he explained.

A grimace surfaced in Buggy’s face, thinking about Shanks reading those, especially this issue, made him sick to his stomach. One more reason for him to mock him, he thought to himself bitterly about Shanks.

“They think what?!?” Crocodile exclaimed, finally getting a hold of what was the magazine really about, he just saw the pictures and thought it was a criminal investigation, not really registering what the edited blushes in their photos meant.

Mihawk shrugged again, he was madder about the sappy images than the issue itself, he held his privacy in high regard after all, just like Crocodile.

“They have already written about Buggy and me in the past, it’s mindless entertainment for simple minded people” he said closing his eyes with superiority “But rather amusing sometimes” he confessed in a quieter tone.

Crocodile was quickly fumbling through the pages trying to wrap his head about the idea of random people creating fictional relationships with bloodthirsty pirates. He didn’t understand the appeal. And why was the clown looking like a damsel in distress in most of them?!?

“What the hell is ‘alpha protective instinct’?!?” Crocodile exclaimed pointing at the headline of a picture of them sitting in the couch with Buggy sitting in the middle of them but in the floor, clearly distressed. Buggy remembered they were using him as a footrest until his crewmates entered the room and they had to pretend to be doing something else.

Buggy and Mihawk exchanged terrified looks of mutual understanding.

“You don’t want to know, really” Mihawk said with a hint of fear.

The logia user rolled his eyes and sighed.

“And now what?” Crocodile asked to no one while rubbing his eyes “Is this going to taint our reputation, what do you think Hawk Eyes?”

“I think its unlikely to tarnish it more than it is already” Mihawk scoffed “and well... It might be not that bad of an idea if people think this” he admitted softly.

Crocodile raised an eyebrow curiously as Buggy gasped in surprised looking at them like if it was a tennis match.

“Elaborate on that” Crocodile asked intrigued.

“If people think we have… a situation they will probably come to the logical conclusion that we share a bond of mutual trust and … ahem… care. Which means the idea of attacking one of us would be more dangerous” Mihawk explained, almost making sense in Buggy’s eyes.

After a long pregnant silence Crocodile started to chuckle softly.

“It doesn’t sound too bad” Crocodile conceded putting the magazine on the table, this time softly “Ok, lets let them talk” he said with a newfound confidence “Looks like you don’t die today, clown.”

Buggy was in shock as Crocodile put on his coat to exit the room, before leaving he put his hand on the clown’s hair and ruffled it.

“Oh, and keep your guys in check so this doesn’t repeat or there will be consequences, darling” Crocodile added the pet name threateningly and left the room laughing and with Mihawk giving Buggy one last look as if he wanted to tell him something.

Fifteen minutes after Buggy was seated in the same position as before, trying to process the whole conversation between his comrades. The emperor detached one of his hands and finally started reading the magazine as he intended that morning.

Wait…

Why was his poster missing?