Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Luis

I haven’t heard from Cooper all week. I tried not to worry about it, at first. It wasn’t exactly surprising, after all. None of them came to school for the first week. Addy had just gotten out of hospital, Nate had only just gotten out of juvie, and the other two were hiding out from the media. It made sense. All the teachers unanimously agreed that they would be excused from work for that week. 

They acted like it was so generous, but really, it’s the least they could do considering that even they treated all four of them like fucking murderers.

Bronwyn came back first, to no one’s surprise. Then, Cooper, his hand bandaged and trying to shove off any stories about his heroism. Then Addy, bruised and sans her bike. Finally, Nate, a few days later, his who-cares attitude turned up to about eleven.

Bronwyn, Cooper, and Addy have stayed close to one another since then, Cooper hanging around Addy defensively, almost as if he were paranoid. 

Everything felt like it was going back to normal, until Monday, when Cooper didn’t show up. Then again on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Missing baseball practice, classes, and social events without so much as a word.

I’ve seen Bronwyn and Addy, even Nate. 

But I haven’t heard from Cooper.

There’s rumors flying around everywhere, and everytime I hear one I have to resist the urge to put my fist through the nearest wall. Haven’t we learnt anything from this whole mess? One guy’s dead, another’s in jail, four more whose lives are changed forever, and Bayview High School can’t take a day off from the gossip. It’s infuriating. I’m glad Cooper isn’t here to see it.

I won’t lie. I’ve been Googling. Pa mentioned something about PTSD and it makes sense, if Cooper has that. I’m trying not to push, but if he could just answer one of my texts to tell me he isn’t fucking dead, I would really appreciate it.

I’m hovering awkwardly around Addy’s locker. We’ve hung out since, of course, but we don’t mention it. No one ever mentions it. It’s not the easiest conversation starter: hey, sorry your ex tried to murder you, lucky Cooper was there. Speaking of, have you seen him? Probably not gonna fly. 

She finally turns to me, sorting the books in her locker. The bruising around her neck is a faded purple and I avert my eyes to stop myself from being sick. There’s a mass of sticky tape from photos that have recently been torn away. I can even see the corners of some paper where it didn’t rip properly. 

“What’s up, Luis?” she asks, already sounding tired. 

“Sorry,” I respond, instinctively, to her exhausted voice. Even after a few weeks, it’s raspy. “I was just, uh, have you heard from Cooper?”

She closes her locker door, worrying her lip between her teeth. “You haven’t either, huh?”

I shake my head, and she curses under her breath, fumbling to get her phone out of her jean pocket.

“He texted me back a few days ago to tell me he was fine and asked me if I needed anything, after I said no, he hasn’t responded to anything since.”

I almost snort. Typical Cooper. More worried about whether or not she needed something than whatever is going on with him.

“Bronywn hasn’t heard from him either. She went to his house yesterday, but no one answered.”

That resolves it. I hike my bag up higher on my shoulder. “Okay, thanks.”

She grabs my arm as I turn to leave. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to see Coop.”

She frowns. “I told you, he’s not answering the door. Besides, it’s the middle of the day, no one else will be home, and you have classes.”

I shrug. “I also know where they keep the spare key. I’ll text you when I see him.”

She lets me go without further comment, and I speed out into the parking lot, getting in my car and to Cooper’s house in what could only be record time. 

I don’t bother knocking on the door, it’s obvious that Cooper won’t answer. I get on my hands and knees, crawling underneath the stairs leading up to their porch until I find the shitty fake rock I know they keep their spare key in. As I pull the false bottom off, I thank God for Cooper’s forgetfulness. If he hadn’t left his house keys at school a few years ago, I would never have known about the spare key. I grip onto it like it’s a medal of honor, unlocking the front door.

The house is the sort of unsettling quiet that it only ever is when there is nobody home and for a moment, I panic. Maybe Cooper really isn’t home, maybe something terrible has happened to him.

I should have come to find him much earlier. 

I’m cursing myself as I walk up the stairs. He’s almost certainly not home. The floorboards are creaking beneath me, and he would have come out to see who has just broken into his house if he were here. I get to his bedroom anyway, opening the door, just to check.

There’s a suspiciously Cooper-sized lump under his covers in the middle of the bed, and I make my way over cautiously. 

“Coop?”

He doesn’t move or even react to my voice. 

“Cooper? Hey, dude, it’s Luis.” I perch myself delicately on the edge of his bed, but he still doesn’t stir. Not even as I reach out and touch his back. I can feel it rising and falling slowly under my hand, and I let out a relieved breath at the knowledge that he’s not dead. I whip out my phone and text Addy.

Found him. 

is he okay?

No idea.

I peel back the covers from him slowly, until the top of his sandy hair is on display. He makes no attempt to stop me, and I continue to take the covers away until I can see his face. 

My heart drops into my stomach at the sight. He’s awake, for starters, which I didn’t expect. Pale, but tear stained. The worst part though, is his eyes. They’re completely empty. He just looks miles away.

“Hey,” I murmur, like he’s a scared animal. “Hey, Coop. Are you–are you okay?”

I’m hit with an overwhelming knowledge that I am not equipped to deal with this. His eyes shift over to me, expression terrifyingly blank, before he grips the edge of his covers and pulls them back over his head.

“Go away, please.” His voice is muffled under the sheets.

“Talk to me,” I plead. “We’re worried about you.”

“I’m fine.”

He’s clearly not, but I’m so relieved that he’s speaking that I don’t fight him on the issue. “Where are your parents?”

“They don’t care.” The words should be sad, but instead they’re just hollow.

“Nonny?”

The lump under the covers shifts in a way that I interpret as Cooper shaking his head. “Doesn’t know.”

“Doesn’t know, what, Coop? Have you even been eating?”

He doesn’t respond. I’m at a loss, considering calling Addy and maybe even Bronwyn for some back-up. I’m positive that between the three of us, we could convince him to get up, maybe eat something.

I pitch the idea to Cooper and he sits up bolt-right.

“No!” It’s the first bit of emotion that’s been in his voice at all. “Don’t call them, please. I can’t–don’t bother them.”

He’s panicking now, and I put my hands over his chest to calm him, his heartbeat slamming into the palm of my hand rapidly. “Okay, okay, I won’t call them, I promise.”

“You can’t.”

“I won’t, it’s okay, Cooper.”

It seems to calm him enough to send him back into the sheets. My hands are shaking on his chest, and I draw them away and tuck them against one another.

The door downstairs closes with a thud and I whip my head around as if I’ll be able to see from here. Cooper doesn’t react.

Footsteps make their way up the stairs, then a voice floats through to the room. “Hey, baby, I got the–oh.”

I’m almost face to face with a tall, dark-haired guy. I recognize him instantly. Kris. 

“Hi,” Kris says. My eyes drop down to the shopping bag in his hand. “You must be Luis?”

I reach out and shake his free hand. “Yeah, you’re Kris?”

He nods, putting the bag on Cooper’s nightstand. I instinctively scoot down on the bed, and Kris takes the place next to Cooper, running a hand through his hair.

“Hi,” Cooper says, glancing up at him.

“Hi,” he whispers back, just as soft. “I got everything you’ll need. Sandwiches, because they won’t go cold, and some berries because there’s no preparation needed to eat them.” He shifts, pulling the items out of the bag as he lists them. Cooper reaches for one of the sandwiches, mindlessly tearing off a corner of the bread and eating it. “Painkillers for your headache, sports drinks, and some Red Vines.” He keeps running his hand through Cooper’s hair.

“Thanks,” Cooper whispers, almost choked up.

“No need to thank me,” Kris tells him immediately. “I’m going to go put the spare drinks in the fridge, okay? I’ll be right back.”

At Cooper’s head nod, he stands, tiling his head out to the hallway in a clear invitation for me to follow him.

I do so, casting back one look at Cooper, who has now propped himself up on the pillows, tearing off another tiny piece of the sandwich.

“What is going on?” I ask Kris as soon as we’re out of earshot.

He sighs, rolling his shoulders back. “I think, maybe, Cooper was spending the last few months just trying to hold himself together. He felt responsible for what happened to Addy, and once she was back at school, and he knew she was alright, he finally gave himself permission to fall apart. He told his parents he’s sick, but he called me a few days ago, and I’ve been with him while they’re at work. He’s…” Kris trails off, gathering his thoughts. “Been through a lot. Not just with one of his best friends setting him up for murder, but with his dad, and getting outed, and all of the baseball scholarships falling through. It’s no wonder that he’s not okay.”

I cast my eyes back at the bedroom door. “It’s just all caught up to him at once?”

Kris nods. “I think so. He didn’t move at all for the first day and I couldn’t get him to eat or drink. He’s doing better now.”

I shake my head. “Why didn’t he just tell us? We could’ve helped.”

“Oh, Luis, it’s not that he doesn’t think you could help. He’s embarrassed. He feels like he’s the only one to fall apart.”

I wanna walk right up to his room and shake him silly. Like we would care. Like he hasn’t held Addy through countless panic attacks or tears, like he didn’t know that Bronwyn broke down over Nate more than once. As if he wasn’t entitled to it after all of that homophobic bullshit he endured from the media. 

“Kris!” Cooper’s voice rings loud and clear from his bedroom and we make our way back across to the door. Kris slips in, and through the remaining crack in the doorway, I can see him slide in the bed next to Cooper, gathering him up onto his chest with a kiss on his forehead. Cooper settles right into him, closing his eyes.

I reach out and close the door.

He’s alright I text Addy. He’s gonna be just fine. 

Chapter Text

Maeve

Cooper’s winding up for what could be his last pitch of the game and despite myself, I’m leaning forward anxiously to watch, my pen almost slipping out of my hand. He’s pitched a perfect game so far and to add another one to his tally would get him under that elusive record he’s been chasing. 

It’s like the ball is moving in slow motion when it leaves his hand. It sails toward the batter, perfectly in the middle, and he takes a wide, triumphant swing. Then at the last second, the ball breaks, and the batter swats wildly at thin air, the ball already in Luis’s glove. 

It’s kind of glorious, and Kris lets out a pleased hum at my side. I pick up my pencil and make the final notes of the game.

Sports reporter actually really suits me. I didn’t think I’d care for this role, but I’m surprised to find myself having a bit of fun at the games. Still can’t stand the sports talk though. 

Luis removes his helmet, whipping around and finding me in the crowd as he stands. He drops one eye in a cocky wink that has my cheeks heating up in spite of myself. Kris snorts next to me, and I duck my head, embarrassed.

“What?” I ask, a little defensively.

“Nothing,” he says, demurely. “Nothing at all.”

Down on the diamond, the teams cross each other to shake hands. Kris stands at my side and starts making his way down the bleachers. I pocket my little notepad in the back of my jean shorts and follow him down. Kris freezes on the last step and I almost bump into him. I’m about to shove him in the back and make some snarky comment when I actually follow his eyeline and see what made him pause.

Cooper’s talking to one of the last opposition players on the pitch and I realize quickly that it was someone he struck out. The tension of the conversation is written all over his face and as soon as Kris unfreezes, he’s hurrying down the steps as quickly as possible. I follow him down until we reach the barricade and he braces himself against it. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Luis turn around to the sound of Cooper’s voice as it floats over.

“Leave it alone, dude,” Cooper says, sounding dismissive.

“What do you think, you’re better than me?” 

Cooper tries to shrug him off, not wanting to escalate the situation but the guy doesn’t stop talking. 

“Why don’t you ask your boyfriend what he thinks?”

“Fuck.” Cooper laughs derisively, turning back around.  “Only thing shittier than your stats was that comeback. You in any danger at all of rubbing your two brain cells together and comin’ up with something original?”

The guy grits his teeth and Luis slides up to Cooper’s side before it can get any more heated. “Problem?” 

He seems to calculate his odds in taking on both Cooper and Luis and think better of it, skulking off. Luis puts a hand on Cooper’s shoulder, and they have a quick, low conversation that neither of us can hear. After a moment, they make their way back to the dugout, Luis’s hand never leaving his arm. 

Kris is silent next to me and I take a leaf from Luis’s book, laying a cautious hand on his arm. He turns and gives me a worn smile.

“You alright?”

He nods. “Yes, of course.”

“But—“

“Maeve,” he says. “Honestly. It’s nothing new.” 

We’re quiet for a few beats, watching the boys disappear into the team, when he glances across to me. “Luis?”

“No,” I say back firmly, knowing exactly what he is implying. I don’t even know him, not really. 

“Okay,” he acquiesces easily. “Whatever you say.” 

I pull my notepad out and start editing my scribbled notes. I would just head home, but Bronwyn’s in the crowd somewhere, and she’s my ride. I haven’t seen her since the last innings though. I have a suspicion that she’s off with Nate somewhere. Those two have been particularly insufferable since they got back together. I’m happy for her, really, but I hardly think the making out is necessary every single time they’re together. I’m afraid to even go into the living room when he’s over, just in case I scar myself with something I really shouldn’t see.

I’m so lost in my thoughts, I don’t even notice Cooper approaching. When he reaches us, his jaw is tight with fury. He’s clearly bothered by the guy’s comments and Kris takes a step toward him like Cooper has his own gravitational pull. They meet in the middle with hands grasping at each other. 

“Hey.” Kris’s voice is low and almost severe. I’m only now realizing that Cooper isn’t just bothered—he’s upset. 

“Sorry,” Cooper apologizes, out of instinct, I assume, more than anything else. His voice wobbles a little with the word. “This is stupid.”

“No,” Kris says, patiently. “It’s not.”

“I just—“

“I know.”

They stare at each other for a moment more before Kris draws Cooper into a hug. His entire body goes limp around it and even from behind, I can see how Cooper’s shoulders sink with the release of tension.

Kris dips his head down and whispers something in Cooper’s ear that makes him laugh wetly as he pulls away. He bats at Kris’s shoulder, and Kris grins in response.

“You think?”

“Nah,” Cooper laughs again. “I don’t think so. Still, you’re right.” He shrugs, his fingers finding purchase in the back of Kris’s polo shirt. “Fuck them.”

Kris laughs right back until Cooper’s face splits open with his bright grin. He pulls away just enough to brush their noses together, making Kris’s cheeks flare pink. Cooper glances across to me, as if just realizing that I’m there. 

“Hey Maeve,” he says, letting his accent drawl. “Let’s get lunch, hey? Luis is buying.”

I frown. “Why?”

“He lost a bet.”

“No, I mean, why are you inviting me?”

Cooper shakes his head, baffled. “Because you’re our friend?”

He and Kris entwine hands and start heading in Luis’s direction. They get about five steps away before Cooper looks over his shoulder and calls out to me. “Oh, and I saw Nate and Bronwyn making out under the bleachers. They’re not leaving any time soon.”

I curse, kicking at the dust under my feet. I have to pick up my pace to reach them and Cooper wraps an arm around my shoulders when I do. I glance up at him, but he’s not looking at me, he’s looking at Kris. The afternoon sun casts his face in a golden glow, and he looks so, so at ease. The utter contentment has me ducking my head to hide my own smile.

God bless, Kris.

Up ahead, Luis turns around to wink at me. I suppose God could probably bless him too, only if he really is buying me lunch. 

Chapter Text

Nate

Cooper’s acting weird. 

It’s not exactly new. I find most of his behavior weird, actually. Especially his whole attitude toward baseball. If I dedicated my entire life to throwing a ball, I’d probably kill myself.

I wince internally at my own phrasing; not exactly a tactful thought. Though, to be fair, my thoughts aren’t often very tactful at all.

But my point stands: he’s being strange. 

Before I can investigate further, Bronwyn tangles her fingers with mine, distracting me. “Hey,” she murmurs, brushing one stray hair out of her face where it has stuck to her clear lip gloss. I follow the movement like a starved man and she doesn’t bother to try and hide the smile it pulls from her. 

She’s chipper today—she usually is on the walk from school to Addy’s new house. Despite the time passing, school is still a bit of a nightmare in terms of people staring and while it didn’t bother me back then and certainly doesn’t bother me now, Bronwyn isn’t quite as thick skinned about it. She’s good at a lot of things, fucking damn near everything if I’m honest, but she’s always cared too much about what other people think. That’s why she loves going to Addy’s so much, away from prying eyes. 

“Hi.”

She bumps her shoulder against me. “How was class?” She’s trying to be subtle in her quest to get me to care about school, but she’s really not. 

Or maybe I can just see straight through her.

“Fine,” I answer noncommittally.

She’s considering pushing me on it, I can see it in the narrow of her eyes. But before she can, she’s distracted by Addy, who pulls at her wrist and starts up a rapid-fire conversation about something that I have little to no interest in.

I let myself fall back a little until I’m in line with Cooper. That’s another part of the weird behavior, Coop never trails behind us. He’s always involved in the conversation. 

I look across to him and it only takes a second of staring to notice that his bag is slung on just the one shoulder, and he’s rubbing at the other.

“What’s with you?” 

Cooper looks over at me, surprised. “Nothin’,” he says, dropping his hand, but I know him well enough to know that his accent gets thicker when he lies.

“Yeah?”

He slips his arm into the loop of the other side of his bag, carefully putting it on his shoulder. “Yeah.”

I stare at him flatly and he shifts under my gaze, the weight of his bag shifting to the other shoulder and making him wince. “What’s that then?” 

“What?” he asks, trying to play it off. 

“Did you hurt yourself?”

Jesus, it’s like trying to get blood from a stone. I have half a mind to just tell Addy and let her deal with it.

Cooper’s never been a good liar, though, and he crumbles under the pressure of my questions. “A bit,” he admits, begrudgingly. 

“What’d you do?”

He abandons all pretense, dropping his bag back off one arm and massaging his left shoulder properly. “Think I just pulled something at practice.”

I eye him off wearily. “Isn’t that a big deal? You pitch with your left.”

I don’t pretend to care about sports, not really. But some-fucking-how Cooper’s become one of my best friends, and you don’t become best friends with Cooper Clay without picking up a thing or two about baseball.

He winces, and I’m not sure whether it’s from pain or the reality of his injury setting in. “Yeah,” he admits roughly. “Kinda.”

I frown up ahead at where the girls are chatting, half considering just telling one of them. I can’t distinguish between Cooper trying to be brave and it not requiring much fuss. Bronwyn, however, would probably know exactly what to do.

As if sensing my thoughts, he shakes his head. “Ugh, don’t, please.”

I half-heartedly open my mouth to argue, but I already know it’s a lost cause. I wouldn’t want either of them to know if I was hurt, and Cooper knows that damn well. 

“They’ll make a huge thing outta it,” he continues anyway. “And they’ll tell Kris, who will definitely make a big deal out of it and I’m fine.”

“Alright,” I acquiesce, fairly unhappily. He’s right, they would absolutely tell Kris, who is meeting us at Addy’s apartment, and knowing how incredibly protective Kris is of Cooper, he probably would care a lot. I reach across and unzip Cooper’s bag. “But I’m at least taking some of these,” I tell him, unloading some of the heavier books. “Before you throw out your other shoulder.”

He grins ruefully and lets me take them. “Thanks Nate,” he says, entirely too sincere for my liking.

I wave him off. “Whatever, it’s fine.”

He claps my shoulder as I tuck his textbooks under my arm and zip his bag back up. Addy tosses a look over her shoulder at us.

“Hurry up, you guys are so slow.”

Cooper and I share a look of sly laughter and step up to be in line with them. He’s still holding himself awkwardly but neither of the girls seem to notice. Addy reaches up and clings to his right arm, and he pulls away infinitesimally but otherwise gives no indication that he’s in pain. 

“Kris is coming, right?” Bronwyn asks, leaning across to Cooper as she slides her hand in mine.

“Yeah,” Coop answers, checking his phone. “He’ll meet us there.”

“Aw, my favorite part of the couple,” Addy says.

“Hey!”

“Yes, yes, Cooper, I love you too.” She squeezes at his arm and he rolls his eyes.

By the time that we get down the street, up the elevator, and to Addy’s door, Cooper’s face is almost pinched in pain. I don’t dare say anything, knowing it would immediately draw the attention of the girls. I barely spare him a glance, in fact. Bronwyn is too perceptive for her own good; she would immediately notice something is wrong. 

I’m surprised to see that Kris isn’t already here. He’s usually always on time—almost annoyingly. He and Bron have that in common, too. 

The mystery is solved though, when Addy opens the door to find Kris and Ash already sitting down, drinking cups of coffee. I almost snort at the image. Kris’s ability to charm everyone he’s ever met is unparalleled. Cooper’s the only other person I know who can have that many people fall for him instantly. 

“Hey!” Kris looks up with a massive, bright grin when we stumble through the door. He hugs Bronwyn and Addy in turn and shakes my hand.

When he turns to Cooper, I can visibly see his entire persona shift into something warm and soft. His smile turns endeared and he murmurs out a soft “Hi,” before bringing him in for a gentle kiss.

I’m not one for romantic shit—not with anyone else other than Bronwyn. But I have to admit, it’s nice to see how much Kris loves him. He deserves that.

I’m almost laser focused on Kris and it’s the only reason I see it. His eyes narrow and that familiar analytical expression runs across his face as he tilts his head to the side.

“Coffees?” Addy offers to the group at large as Ashton presses a kiss to her cheek and murmurs something about taking off. 

Bronwyn agrees eagerly and squeezes my hand, waiting for my response. 

“Oh, yeah, thanks Ads,” I say.

We dump our bags at the entrance and make our way over to the kitchen, milling around the counters. Cooper reaches up to touch his shoulder again, and Kris follows the movement with his eyes. 

“Do you want a coffee?” Kris asks him.

“Uh.” Cooper’s caught off-guard, and it confirms whatever Kris’s suspicions are. “Sure.” 

Kris huffs out a little exasperated noise, pressing himself back into the counter. He maneuvers Cooper gently until his back is to his chest, ignoring Cooper’s protests.

Kris digs his fingers into the muscle of Cooper’s shoulder without hesitation, and Cooper punches out a pained gasp in response.

“Right there?” Kris asks quietly, and he only nods mutely in response.

Addy whips around at the noise. “Are you hurt, Coop?”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Bronwyn asks indignantly.

“I’m— fine, fuck!” Cooper groans as Kris works deftly across an obviously particularly painful spot.

“You’re an idiot,” he says, impossibly fond. “But you’ve only got a knot, I can work it out.”

Cooper leans back into Kris’s touch and it occurs to me with startling clarity the amount of trust he’s putting in him right now. Cooper never lets anyone touch his shoulder. 

“I got you,” Kris says, as if he can hear my train of thought. 

“I know.”

Chapter Text

Addy 

It’s been a while since I have seen Cooper. 

We try to get back together as a group as frequently as possible, but with Bronwyn halfway across the country and Cooper busy with his college games, it isn’t easy. Cooper spends almost all his time back here with Kris, which none of us can begrudge him, but it doesn’t make me miss him any less. 

So, I’m practically vibrating with excitement when I make it to the doors of Glenn’s Diner. Kris and Cooper are already here, their heights and striking contrast of hair colors making them easy to spot.

“Hey!”

Cooper steps out of the booth to embrace me. “Hey.”

I slide into the other side of the booth, smiling at Kris as Cooper presses himself back up against him.

The waitress comes around and we all order coffees. 

“So, how have you been?” Kris promptly asks once she writes them down.

“Oh, good,” I say. “What about you guys?”

Kris begins talking about his studies as the waitress brings around our coffees. Cooper sighs in absolute disgust as Kris tears open and pours in his sugar, and I add more milk to my cup.

“Do you guys even like coffee?” he asks, amused.

Kris laughs as he takes a sip. “Don’t be a coffee snob, Cooper Clay.”

“Don’t tell me what to do, Kristofer Becker,” Cooper teases back, elbowing him in the side.

“You two are unbearable,” I tell them dryly, but Cooper preens as if it is a compliment.

“Thank you.”

Kris laughs, ducking his head and taking another sip of his coffee. I’m about to ask Cooper a question about his baseball roster, to see if I’ll be able to make any of his upcoming games at Cal State, when the door to the diner opens and interrupts my thoughts.

Cooper immediately stiffens and I twist in my seat to spot Mr and Mrs Kelleher walk in.

Shit.

I sink lower in my seat as Cooper sucks in a shallow breath across from me. Even a few years later, running into them in this tiny town is always the worst part of my year. It drags up all those feelings once again. But I know it’s worse for Cooper—because he’s never been able to stop blaming himself for what happened to Simon. 

When he told me that he sent an apology to Simon’s parents, I was almost speechless. Cooper has always felt a little more complicated about the whole thing than I have. As far as I’m concerned, Simon was a sociopath. I get terribly sad thinking about how lonely he was, but I have no doubts in my mind that he did not care for a second about the pain he was going to cause us—he reveled in it. But Cooper confided in me that he thinks he could have changed things for Simon, if he had not uninvited him from that afterparty. 

It’s not true. Everyone hated Simon. One more party was not going to change anything for him, and as far as Cooper was aware at that point, could have ended with Cooper getting outed.

It doesn’t matter if that’s the truth though. Cooper is determined to carry that guilt with him for the rest of time. So while I duck my head and try to avoid his parents because it’s awkward, Cooper does it because he thinks they blame him.

Ironically, I think Cooper is the only one out of us four that they don’t hate. He’s the only one they will acknowledge, at least. 

Kris has followed our eyeline to them, and he curses so softly under his breath that I almost miss it. He shifts to put a hand on Cooper’s thigh. He watches Cooper’s face carefully for a second, but it’s very cautiously blank. Kris slides in a little closer to him, pressing up against him fully. We exchange concerned glances before looking back at Simon’s parents. 

They head straight to the counter and to my relief, they pick up to-go bags. 

Cooper has frozen across from me, and then Mrs Kelleher stops, spotting the three of us sitting together. She glances across from Cooper to me, and in that moment I just want to die. It’s a long, horrible second of eye contact, her face pinching tightly. Then she directs one firm nod in Cooper’s direction, taking her husband's hand and heading toward the door. 

Cooper’s hands are entwined on the top of the table. His thumbnail is digging into his hand, twitching over and over, almost drawing blood. His fingers are trembling. He doesn’t even seem particularly aware that he’s doing it.

I want to reach across and draw attention to it, but Cooper is focused miles away, and he’s not looking at me. Kris tears his eyes away from them as they leave, frowning, and his gaze drops to Cooper’s hands. He draws his bottom lip between his teeth, then forces his own fingers in between. He squeezes Cooper’s hand in his own, pressing it down into the table until Cooper relaxes around him. 

Cooper glances across to him through his eyelashes, looking vulnerable. Kris smiles back at him reassuringly, squeezing his hand again. He pulls Cooper’s hand close to him, carefully examining the crescent shaped marks dug into his palms. His face gets that serious, analytical look it sometimes does as he soothes a thumb over the blemishes. “Alright?” 

Cooper nods. “Always,” he says, twisting their hands so he can grab onto Kris properly. Kris tilts his head against Cooper’s for a second before he pulls back. 

He keeps Cooper’s hand firmly in his own, not letting go for a second as he takes another sip of his coffee. “So Ads,” he says, voice intentionally light. “Peru?”

“Right!” I exclaim, scrambling to bring back the conversation. “Yeah, it’s going to be great!”

Cooper drops his head onto Kris’s shoulder, listening to me ramble. My heart constricts at the scene as Kris winds his free arm around his shoulders, dragging him in close, until Coop’s entire body sinks down into him. 

I hide my smile in my coffee cup.

Chapter Text

Bronwyn

The Cafe is so packed that Nate and I have to squeeze through the front door.

“Jesus,” he mumbles at my side, gripping onto my waist as someone stumbles into me. “It’s fucking crazy in here.” He guides me in front of him, pressed up firmly behind me as he shoves our way to the back room, where Cooper texted he would be. Nate’s breath fans out on my neck and I suppress a shiver as I glance back at him through my eyelashes.

“Don’t give me that look,” he murmurs, voice rough.

“What look?” I ask innocently.

“That one.” He gently turns my head back to the front. “We’re supposed to be here for Cooper, and I can’t concentrate when you’re looking at me like that.”

I bite my lip to hide my smile. He’s right, after all. We’re here celebrating because Cooper got drafted. Of course, the rest of the town also knows that and has decided to turn up as well. 

We brush past a frazzled looking Phoebe, who redirects us to the back room with a hand on my arm. When we finally manage to push through, I almost stumble directly into Cooper, who laughs and sets me straight.

“Nice to see you, Bronwyn.” He sweeps me up in a big hug before reaching across to shake Nate’s hand.

“Congrats, Coop,” Nate says sincerely.

Cooper’s grin is as big as the sun and I feel myself go warm at the sight of it. This is truly all he’s ever wanted, and there’s nothing more incredible than being able to see it play out. I reach out and squeeze his arm despite myself. “Thanks,” he says, huffing out a little laugh. He gestures at the crowd of people just outside the beaded curtains. “Sorry this is so crazy.”

I smile at him. “You love it,” I tease and his face sets aflame.

“I’d love a little more privacy,” he muses and we share rueful smiles. Wanting a little more privacy is a concept we are all far too intimately familiar with. 

We press into the room. Despite the crowds outside, it’s fairly quiet here. Maeve and Luis are early, only because Luis worked earlier in the evening and she came to help set up—Maeve is terrible with being on time. There’s no way she’d be here before me otherwise. Addy is in the corner with them and she lights up when she sees us, pushing through to grab at Cooper’s arm and then mine, forcing us into an almost triangular formation. 

“How exciting is this?!” She shakes us a little, grinning brightly.

Cooper laughs, a little self conscious. “It’s kinda wild,” he says, scratching at the back of his neck. “I think there’s a part of me that never thought it was actually gonna happen.”

“I never had any doubt.” Kris smiles fondly at Cooper from over his shoulder, who immediately twists to let him into the circle, reaching out and taking Kris’s hand in his own.

“You’re just determined to continue your streak of never being wrong,” Addy teases and Kris grins back at her.

“It is the best reputation to have. Right, Bronwyn?”

I laugh, tucking my head into Nate’s side as he lets out a pained breath.

“Not so fun to be on the other end of it though,” he says.

“You’re telling me,” Cooper agrees fervently, and they share knowing grins.

The beads once again push aside, and we all look up to see Nonny, escorted by Lucas and Mr Santos through the crowd. She looks particularly frail after walking through the throes of people, and Kris doesn’t hesitate before pulling up a chair for her to sit in.

“Would you like a drink?” He asks her, after the formalities. She nods her assent with a thankful huff, and Kris disappears behind the curtain to head to the counter. 

“Hey Nonny.” Cooper presses a hip up against the table she’s sitting at. I drop down beside him, taking a seat as Nate gets pulled away into Maeve and Luis’s earlier conversation. 

“My dear Cooper,” Nonny gushes. “Oh, I’m just so proud of you.”

“Thanks,” Cooper scratches at his neck, blushing. 

Kris ducks back into the room, looking beat from just the walk to the counter. He drops a pitcher on the table with a kiss to Cooper’s cheek. He squeezes Cooper’s hand, then meets an enthusiastic wave from Addy, and follows her direction across the room.

Cooper casts a glance around. “Uh, is Mom coming?”

“Nope,” Lucas says, with the kind of casualness that only young teenagers can handle. “She has book club, apparently.”

“And Pop?” The look of fragile hope on Cooper’s face is almost too much to bear. Especially when Nonny frowns and it begins to slip right off. 

“I’m sorry, hon,” she says, almost whispers, really. She placed a hand on Cooper’s arm, shaking with the movement. He instantly drops his other arm to stabilize her. “He said he would come but…”

“It’s okay,” Cooper lies, through a pained smile. I dart my eyes across the room, but Nate and Maeve are wrapped up in some argument that Luis is listening to intently, laughing. No one is paying attention, and I fear Cooper is about to break.

Nonny pats him on the hand, saying fiercely, “Now, you pay them no mind, you hear? This is your day, Cooper.” She allows Lucas to pour her a glass of whatever Kris brought with one last squeeze of Cooper’s hand.

Cooper nods in response, a second too late, and says nothing. I stand up, unsure of what I’m going to say, but compelled to do something, because the way Cooper glances toward the door like his father is going to change his mind and waltz right in is kind of breaking my heart.

I don’t get two steps before something catches my eye. Across the room, Kris breaks from his conversation with Addy, putting his drink on the table, and watching Cooper through concerned eyes.

Cooper pauses, his mouth set in a firm line. Then, he heaves a sigh through his nose. The movement is enough to set Kris in action, who crosses the room to be by his side.

I blink hard because Cooper isn’t at all angry like I had expected; there’s no tension in him at all, just a quiet, simmering sadness.

“He’s never going to change,” Cooper murmurs when Kris reaches him, sounding utterly defeated. “Every time I think maybe it’s enough, maybe I’m enough—“

Kris doesn’t need to wait for context. He immediately lets out a series of soft noises. At first, I think it’s nonsensical words of comfort but I quickly realise he’s instead speaking to him in German. Cooper nods absentmindedly, clearly understanding his words, and I have to admit I’m quietly impressed at Kris’s ability to afford Cooper a little privacy inside the packed restaurant.

Cooper turns into him, until they’re practically pressed up against one another, touching from head to toe as he ducks in face into the crook of Kris’s neck. Kris seems to act on instinct when he brings a hand up to smooth back the wayward hair at the nape of Cooper’s neck. From the outside looking in, it could be a completely normal embrace between two boyfriends, but I can see how Kris swipes a calming hand over Cooper’s back, how Cooper folds into him like he’s the only thing keeping him upright. Kris shifts until they’re effectively hidden from view through the curtains, tucked away in the corner of the room. As Cooper begins to unfurl himself from their embrace, Kris deftly wipes at his cheeks, brushing away any moisture that might have collected there so quickly that not even I know if there was any. 

Cooper smiles at him, the kind of private, loving glance that is usually reserved for private spaces, the kind that makes me feel as though I have intruded on something special, something holy between them. I avert my eyes and find Nate staring at me from across the room.

“You okay?” He mouths, and I nod quickly.

Cooper and Kris make their way through to join the others and I busy myself with pouring another drink from the pitcher so I can pretend I wasn’t watching. I join them only a few moments later, Nate instantly pressing himself into my side when I reach the group.

Cooper’s smile isn’t fake anymore. That’s the first thing I notice.

Then, the other details: his hand on Kris’s waist, Kris’s on the back of his neck, the way he glances up at him for reassurance, the way Kris meets him there every time.

“Hey.” Cooper’s voice is vulnerable, suddenly serious. “Thanks for coming, guys. You really are my family.”

I look across to Kris. I don’t understand any German, but I have a feeling I know exactly what he told Cooper in their conversation before.

I reach out and take Cooper’s free hand in my own. “Of course we are, Coop,” I say. “Of course we are.”

I don’t tell anyone what I heard, but if I force Nate into taking one or two more “family pictures” that night with Addy’s Polaroid camera, well then, that’s no one’s business but my own.

Chapter Text

Cooper

I don’t think much of it when Kris calls me. I’m in the kitchen, buttering some bread for a late night snack. It’s 9PM on a Thursday, which means his latest study group has just finished up and he’ll be making his way home. It’s exam season and he’s been working so hard, I barely have gotten to see him. So sometimes, when he finds the car ride boring, he calls me, to entertain himself, to hear my voice, whatever the reason. 

I realize as soon as I pick up the phone that it is different this time. Kris breathes out shakily on the either end and it immediately sets me on edge.

“Kris, baby?” I ask, when he doesn’t say hello in his usual cheery voice. There’s another few moments of silence, and I try again, wondering if his phone has connected to the Bluetooth in his car and cut out. “Kris?”

This time I can hear him breathe out. “Hi.”

“What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing.”

“Kris.”

He sighs slowly. “Sorry,” he says. “Sorry, I don’t—I don’t know what’s—“ His voice starts to shake, breath coming hard and fast.

“Stop,” I tell him, bracing my hands on the counter in front of me, as if it were his shoulders.

“What?”

“Breathe,” I remind him, and he takes in a sharp breath on the other end of the line. “I can hear you working yourself into a panic attack. Relax, take a breath, and tell me what is wrong.”

He takes a long breath, then it all comes out in one rush. “I’m so tired. I’ve been at college since 7 this morning. Fourteen hours! I’ve been studying the whole time, I don’t—I haven’t eaten. I have to go home and cook dinner and, God, I’m so fucking exhausted. I just want to cry and—“

“Hey, hey,” I say soothingly as his voice works itself up into a frenzy. I can’t think of any time that he’s ever been like this, but I won’t lie and say I am surprised. Kris overworking himself is closer to a fact of life than anything else. “Are you heading home?”

“No,” he sighs, letting out a distressed breath. “I have to finish off another last bit of study, and then I have to go shopping because my house has nothing to cook.”

I tuck the phone between my shoulder and my ear, using my now free hands to turn and start rummaging through our fridge. “Kris. Go home,” I say as seriously as I can manage. “Get in your car and drive straight home.”

“But,” he begins, weakly.

“No. I will meet you there. Straight home, okay? I mean it.”

Silence. 

Then reluctantly. “Okay. You don’t have to come though, I know it’s late and you have school tomorrow.”

I can’t help my laugh. “I will meet you there,” I tell him again. “Drive safe.”

He promises to do so, then hangs up the phone. With my attention no longer divided, it’s much easier to pick out the things from the fridge that I need, shoving them into a nearby bag. I swing it over my shoulder, pocket my phone and grab my car keys off the bench. As I head for the door, Pop calls out from his place on the living room couch, intrigued. 

“Where you goin’?”

“Kris’s.”

This makes him whip around. “What?”

“I’m going to Kris’s.”

“Now, Coop. You know damn well—“

I turn on my heel to face him, shoulders squared and set. “He has had a really hard day. I am going to his house. I probably won’t be home tonight. I am not asking.”

With every sentence, his face gets more and more pinched, but he says nothing as I turn back around and open the door. 

It’s only a fifteen minute drive from UCSD to Kris’s apartment, but I make it there before him. I assume the discrepancy probably comes from Kris taking an extra half an hour to calm down in his car before he drove. I don’t mind. I use the extra time to grease a pan, chop up some of the onions and celery I brought, and prep the chicken. I’m not a great cook, I’m not even a good one, really, but Kris’s mom taught me this recipe and it’s the only one I’ve ever really spent the time to get good at. 

I lose myself in the concentration of cooking until I hear the door open. I turn to see Kris, hair and clothes rumpled, circles under his eyes so dark they’re almost black. 

“Coop?” His voice is fragile, dropping his backpack to the ground the second he sees me.

I don’t hesitate; take only the second to turn the stove down to its lowest setting before I’m striding toward him, arms open wide.

He sinks almost immediately into my embrace, clutching on to me with such intensity it feels like I’m gonna break under his grip. 

“I got you,” I tell him quietly. “I got you.”

He buries his face into the crook of my neck, shaking, and I wonder how long it’s been since he has eaten or slept. He’s never seemed so delicate. When he pulls away, I cover his cheeks with my hands, examining his face. 

“Are you okay?”

He nods slowly, but his eyes are very far away like he’s not sure what’s going on. “I haven’t slept in about 36 hours.”

My mouth drops open. “You fucking what?”

“I—is that food?” He whips his head toward the kitchen, and I take a step back to make sure it hasn’t burned during our conversation. It looks fine; I give it another stir just to make sure.

“Yeah, yeah, I cooked for you.”

When I turn back around, his eyes are just starting to overflow with tears. 

“Oh.” I drop the spoon back into the pan. “Oh, no, baby, don’t cry!” I rush across from him, putting my hands back on his face, and he falls forward, letting me support his weight.

“I can’t believe you cooked for me.”

I shrug helplessly. “You said you hadn’t eaten.”

“I love you so much,” he says, tearfully. “I’m sorry I’m such a mess.”

“Don’t be,” I say, fiercely. “I just wish you took better care of yourself sometimes, Kris. You know the world won’t come to a grinding halt if you give yourself a fuckin’ break every now and again.”

He laughs ruefully. “I know.”

I steer him to the kitchen counters with an arm around his shoulders. “Eat.”

He does so in relative silence, interrupting himself with a muffled little sob that breaks through occasionally, making me tighten my grip on him. I just want to wrap him up in a blanket and force him to sleep for the next several days. I’m about to say as much when he finally speaks up again.

“I’m just going to finish a practice exam and then I’ll go to bed, okay?”

“Uh, no.” My voice comes out almost as incredulous as I feel. “Nope. No way.”

“What?” He cleans off the last of his meal before turning to face me, and I hand him a piece of buttered bread which he chews on, almost absentmindedly.

“You’re not going to finish another exam, you’re going to bed now.”

He frowns. “I’m not tired,” he protests weakly.

I push his empty plate away from him, spinning him around on his stool; I take his hands and pull him up into a standing position. “First of all: I don’t care. And second of all: liar. You are exhausted, Kris. You need sleep. I will drag you by your heels if I must.” I point a finger at him threateningly and he eyes me off warily before realizing that I’m not joking. 

He looks like he’s going to protest so I interrupt his words with a searing kiss that sends him a little off balance. He grips on to me and pulls me into his chest, digging his fingers into my hips.

“Bed.”

He doesn’t argue this time, slipping into bed and letting the warmth of his duvet envelop us. Kris has his arm sling around my waist, face buried between my shoulder blades. He mumbles something into my skin that I don’t catch, which I’m fairly sure was his intention. 

“What?” I roll to try and look at him, but he tightens his grip and lets out a disgruntled whine at my movement.

“Stop moving.”

“Why? Do you want to go to sleep?”

“Yes,” he says, petulantly. 

I can’t help the grin that spreads across my face. It’s not often that I can win against Kris in an argument, but his exhaustion has left him without his usual logical defences. “Thought you weren’t tired?”

There’s a moment of silence as Kris contemplates the predicament he just got himself in. Then, he turns and faces the wall in protest. 

I immediately start to laugh, twisting around and curling myself into his back.

“Hate you,” he says mildly.

“Love you too, baby,” I tell him, pressing a kiss between his shoulder blades at just the point that makes him melt. “Go to sleep.”

He fumbles down to take my hand, wrapping it around himself as he settles back into me. “I love you,” he says quietly, unable to leave the conversation on a sour note, even if he was just kidding. “Thank you.” 

My response comes in the form of a long kiss buried into his hair, until his breath evens out next to me and he drifts off to sleep.