Work Text:
Obi-wan Anakin Ashoka and the 501st were on the desolute when they captured a signal some type of life pod with a living being in it was detected
Inside was one woman who would completely change the destiny of the galaxy
Someone with a whole two brain cells
They pull the strange pod quickly realizing the woman was running out of air, despite their effort by the time they pulled the pod in she was already unconscious, quickly ignoring the strange symbols on the pod they open it and get the woman to the med bay
Leaving Jesse,Tup, and Hardcase to examine the pod and its contents
—-
The woman was human, or at least that’s what she look like when examined she had extremely pale skin, was quite small, and looked a bit sickly
Her hands and upper arms were more scar tissue than skin, burns, and cuts showing a dangerous existence, her nails clipped short
She was wearing a shirt with some form of text on it but none of them could read that language
And blue pants in a strange material rough yet soft (jeans)
Her naked feet revealed she had a robotic leg which was quite unlike those they had seen before it was a plastic foot linked to all kinds of servos and sensors that is then linked to a solid metal bar
Kix looking at the results from his scans: minimal brain damage due to oxygen deficiency, although I found the cause of why she passed out so quickly, it seems are lungs are quite damaged as well as most of her systems
——
They inspected the lid of the pod it had some kind of warning on it, they didn’t understand the text on it so they didn’t understand what the warning was about
They were able to make out that it was a cryo pod, meant to keep the person inside in stasis
but it seems this one failed
On the other side from the cryo chamber was a bunch of seemingly unrelated stuff, there were labels of some kind with a whole booklet trying to explain what each thing was but not being in basic it fell on deaf ear
Among those things, Jesse noticed a box with a bright orange design in it was some sort of screen with buttons and an exclamation point
Not caring for the cryptic warning, he opened the box. Inside was a small metallic statue of some man in a mech suit with on it 2 black balls he took one of them and was immediately met with resistance it seems the black ball was some sort of magnet, he put it in a pocket in his armor
—
The woman woke up, and upon seeing Anakin at her bedside, waiting to question her, she jumped out of her bed visibly scared and confused
« Okay , ça c'est Anakin Skywalker , je suis clairement devenue folle »
Anakin only understood his name out of this
He made a questioning face
« What about this you understand this? Anakin Skywalker from Tatooine son of Shimi and boy toy of Padmé Amidala »
Anakin looked pissed he pulled out his lightsaber and threatened the woman still sitting on the ground from having just fallen from the med bay bed
« How do you know those things about me? Who are you? »
« I'm a random autistic girl, I'm from earth and I know everything about this galaxy you, and how to stop the war, but right now your tragedy that will destroy the world doesn’t matter since because you opened my pod, we now need to deal with mine »
« What do you mean ? » he said storing his lightsaber in his belt
Ashoka came in just as the woman having rejected Anakin's hand in helping her to her feet stood up
« oh you're awake ! '' she said cheerfully not noticing the anger and mefiance between the two
The woman ignoring Ashoka said
« my world has been destroyed by a virus that was mutated due to radiation: COVID-X35, and it is killing me as we speak and whoever came within two meters of me or my pod might be infected we need to quarantine this ship before we kill the whole galaxy »
She grabbed a face mask and put it on before rushing out to look for the control room
—-
She reached the control room a bit out of breath from even such a small run
She began pressing buttons randomly
She looked around at the clones on the bridge they all had unholstered their weapons and pointed it towards her
Rex spoke in his powerful leader voice
« What do you think you are doing missy? »
She moved slowly away from the buttons taking a big breath
Thankfully for her, Anakin and Ashoka came rushing in Kix in tow
« Everyone weapons down nobody approach her she is sick » Anakin said
« And who might she be »
« Oh, I’m just a random autistic girl! »
« Do you have something we can call you ? » obi-wan said obviously not expecting her to say that
« My name is Béatrice you can call me that, or supreme leader or espèce d’autiste de merde or bear or thing, I’m not picky »
Kix looked around the bridge before declaring
« Quarantine protocol guys we stop the ship and everyone covers their mouth and nose »
He looked at the woman « tell me more about this virus »
She began explaining COVID-19, its spread its symptoms,and how a dirty bomb exploding made it mutate past a point where treatment could truly be effective
As she talked Jesse, tup and Hardcase came in to write their report
She looked at them as she kept talking
Than Jesse coughed
She screamed moving towards the nearest trooper « he coughed! quickly stun him! Stun him before he infects someone else »
Rex didn’t question it he just did as he was told and stunned the man
« Thank you now, everyone, back away » she said while making big arm movements and approaching the downed trooper arrived at him she began to pull him away by the arms
It looked painful
« Where can we put him to isolate him, I don’t think I need to explain how bad a disease spreading through a clone population is »
Ashoka used her force power to lift the trooper before explaining that the cells were perfect for this purpose
Rex , Anakin, Kix, and Béatrice followed Ashoka to the cells
——
Arrived at the cell Beatrice began her examination of Jesse she removed his helmet and observed his breathing before putting it back
She looked at Kix
« He is going to need IV fluid, rest …. Lots of nutrients, maybe some blood dialysis, but most importantly time »
She stepped out of the cell and lined herself with the others looking at the cell and its occupant
Anakin said with worry in his voice « is he.. »
Béatrice was startled by him and altho she tried to play it cool everyone noticed
Flames began to dance in his eyes as he grabbed his lightsaber
Beatrice visibly terrified blurted out « I don’t know it’s all up to his immune system »
Anakin still charged he yelled
« We’ve done as you asked now tell us what you know! Tell us how to end the war! Tell me why you are scared of me »
She took a few deep breath trying to calm herself
« Okay I’ll explain everything about your part in this Anakin, the entire war is a much bigger conversation we should have with the council, but we can go in a private room and I can explain why you scare me so much »
Anakin looked furious as he brought his blade closer to her neck
Ashoka put her hand on his elbow
« You should listen to her if she is ready to be alone in a room with you despite how scared you make her and you threatening her clearly she knows what she is doing »
Anakin disabled his lightsaber and put it on his belt
« I’ll be waiting for you in the interrogation room »
Beatrice breathed as he walked away
« Okay gotta get ready for that » she put her hands underneath her shirt and pulled out her bra « rule number one when about to upset a telekinesis don’t wear something that can be used to choke you » she dropped it on the ground
« Ahsoka , can you please wait at the door to help me if he reacts » she gestured vaguely at where Anakin was as he threatened her
« Yeah sure » the togruta responded looking at the weird clothing piece on the floor(bras do not exist in Star Wars thus the strange reaction)
——-
« You have borderline personality disorder, and if you don’t get the treatment you will become a sith and kill everyone you care about including Padme, your wife »
« How do you know about this you don’t even know me »
« Where I come from you are a fictional character, the most recognizable bad guy ever created, Darth Vader »
Without giving him any time to respond
« Don’t tell me you could never fall, never betray the Jedi, never kill those who don’t deserve it never join the siths, know that I know how you killed the deaf and mute village of sand people that simply wanted to drive off the people taking their ancestral plains for themselves, not just the men but the women and children too, all innocent »
« They were not innocent, they killed me mother » he said with tears in his eyes
« Don’t you want to know what borderline personality disorder is ? » she said with kindness in her eyes
« No » he said growing more curious and less furious
She gave a little understanding smile and started to rummage through her bag she pulled out a massive tome « the DSM-5, the official list of all the conditions » she opened the book looking through the index picked out BPD, and went to its page « I’m going to list the diagnosis criteria and you’ll tell me if you identify with those statements » she cleared her throat « Chronic feelings of emptiness »
Anakin considered the statement a moment « well It has happened to me a few times but I don’t think it’s CHRONIC »
She did a small nod before continuing «
Emotional instability in reaction to day-to-day events like intense episodic sadness, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days »
«I often get that, one such instance was after the sand people incident »
« I think you are omitting quite a few other incidents where you did that but it’s good that you recognize it does happen » she snickered a bit as she read the next part
« Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment »
He rubs his neck nervously « I took in Ashoka so Obi-wan wouldn’t I just didn’t want him to take someone else, to separate himself from me »
She gives him a knowing look
« Identity disturbance with markedly or persistently unstable self-image or sense of self »
« well I’m not the one who gave myself the name the jedi without fear and you know I really don’t feel that way I’m so scared all the time »
« Yeah, spoiler alert Palpatine made the holo net say that so you’d be easier to manipulate »
« Why would Palpatine do that he has been a great mentor to me »
« yeah but he’s actually a Sith Lord and every interaction he ever had with you was part of his plan to turn you into his apprentice »
« how what no »
« Yep he is evil but seriously how naive can you be, no one is ever nice to people without an ulterior motive »
He gives her a questioning look
« Think about it Obi is nice because it allows him to make his master proud, Ashoka because then you give her more training and Padme gets to go in your pants »
« Interesting theory but than why are you nice to me who has been kind of an ass to you »
« To send out a big fuck you to the universe who told me repeatedly that because I’m autistic I’d never help anyone or amount to anything, plus there’s the whole heal myself through helping someone going through my capital T trauma »
She didn’t give him time to respond « Impulsive behavior in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating) »
« I don't »
« Reckless driving! »
« It’s not reckless I know what I’m doing »
She rolls her eyes
« Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights » she gives him a look
He doesn’t answer
She grows more insistent in her look
« I’m sorry I threatened you »
She looked a bit guilty before continuing
« Pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes between idealization and devaluation (also known as "splitting") »
He looked a bit skeptical then he started nodding his head
« Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-harming behavior » she said looking at his robotic limb
« It's a war of course I risk my life constantly »
« except I know for a fact that you don’t use protection with Padmé, it may seem like nothing to a big strong soldier like you but not protecting yourself is a form of self-harm »
His face getting warm « how do you … how do you »
« You get the worse sexually transmitted disease there is » she pause looking at his horrified face then with a smile says « congratulations it’s fraternal twins » talking quickly « whichYouDontGetToRaiseBecauseYourASithLordAndKilledYourPregnantWife »
He had a shocked look nevertheless she moved on« Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms »
« Those can be confused with the force »
« They sure can » she said taking in a big breath
She stood up put the book so it was facing him and put a little card that showed utapau to English letter conversion
She walked out leaving him with the book
——
In the corridor, she met Ahsoka and met her questioning eyes
« It went better than I thought »
Ashoka moved toward the door
The woman blocked her path
« leave him alone for now, being alone during choc is important, he’ll come to you when he is ready » she moved out of the way then look around looking lost « can you show me around? I should grab my bra off the floor and check on Jesse now that he is awake-her inflection becoming questioning- also I want to grab some stuff in my pod, I should also probably sleep somewhere at some point or another »
She chuckled a bit at Beatrice’s info dumping
« yeah I can help you follow me »
As they walked away Ashoka understood why there were so many sensors on her robotic limb Béatrice walked on the tip of her feet rotating her foot a tiny bit as it fell to the floor, it was strange and very inhuman like
——
The next day
Obi-wan, Ashoka ,Rex, and Kix were discussing how best to handle the quarantine which would last a least two weeks, and how to keep the virus contained
Béatrice came barging in a rectangular box under one arm and an assortment of wire in her opposite hand
She went to a workstation with a clone working on it and said « excuse me can you move I don’t want to disrespect the safe two meter distance » the trooper turned around looked at her face and with a horrified look stepped away
She crawled underneath the station and started plugging in the cable to her machine and to the ship then looked as a light went from red to green to white « yay! » she exclaimed standing up as she did she saw that everyone was looking at her Obi-wan began « what is that—« he had look at her face more specifically her right eye the pupil and iris was completely blown a mosaic of part spread across the whole eyeball
« What is it so I have something? » she took out her phone and put it in front of her face a look of realization set on her face
« oh guess the repair they did didn't stand the pressure of space » she said shrugging
« What repair » Ashoka asked
« oh I had a sharp of glass shrapnel all the way up my eye right to my frontal cortex »
« Can you even see? » the displaced trooper asked
She held up her hand in front of each eye in alternation looking around between the switch
She simply responded by tilting her hand in a wave motion
« but that doesn’t matter, being able to see or hear or eat or breathe all pale in comparison with being able to access the internet! »
« What's the internet »asked obi wan clearly not amused by the woman
With a smile, Beatrice typed something on the main console she made a password and name appear « this is the code to access it » she typed some more and a chart like the one she gave Anakin appeared « and here so you can understand any of it, as for how it works well, first of all, it doesn’t-she snickered- but here welcome to the internet »
She made the song welcome to the internet play for them as she danced twirled and made images matching what was described in the song
——
Béatrice and Kix had gone around setting up disinfection stations along key spots as well as checking the temperature of every trooper they came across, 4 of them didn’t pass
They arrived back at the main bridge discussing what they would do if more of them got infected and where to put them
Anakin came in barging anger with each step
He looked at Béatrice and with anger in his eyes he used lifted his arm to force her to answer him « what is it you want? You freak »
She tried to resist but her weakened body also weakened her mind she blurted out « I want to be fucked ! I want to be fucked well and thoroughly if I’m to die then I at least want to have done that » she took back her mind looking flustered although unapologetic
“I volunteer as tribute” Fives said while holding up three fingers, he looked very tired as if he hadn’t slept in a while
Béatrice snorted as the realization dawned on her she turned to look at fives slowly “ how far down the rabbit hole did you go?”
Fives response was to slap rex and say “ this bad boy can fit so many secret orders”
“So you know about that huh, corpus callosum right next to the Broca area “ she looked at kix “ internet broke his brain fix it”
Kix made a questioning look but fives urged him with him to the med bay
before they exited Béatrice spoke up “ and fives “ fives looked at her she simply made a silence hand motion before putting her hand on top of her ear
“Understood, sir “ fives Answered
“It’s huh….It doesn’t matter ..” Beatrice tried to correct she spoke again looking at skywalker
« Anakin try that again but this time ask the right question »
Anakin began not using his power this time « what do you want with us » she looked between his legs « not better -she shook with fake anger-, how about you try something like what is your story? »
Anakin his cheek still red from her earlier declaration used his power and asked « what is your story your whole story »
She looked much more comfortable answering that question in front of a bunch of men
« my parents already had two kids they didn’t want a thrid but my mom got pregnant with me and having had multiple miscarriage she didn’t have it in her to end a viable pregnancy, so I was born in this chaotic thing with all the problems in the world almost dying many times and I grew up my parents hating me all my life though never admitting it, when it was time to chose what to do with my life I chose to become someone who helps people who go through mental difficulties like I through I’d been helped all these years by various professionals, I wanted to help put a name to what they were going through so they could get the help they needed » she took a deep breath before continuing « I spent a year studying all there is to know about the human mind , psychology, biology, criminology, mental illness recognition, communication before it was time for me to do an internship, as luck would have it I got sent to help people with autism with people who had spent 20 years helping those people » she looked down sadly before continuing « the second day they isolated me in a room told me I was autistic and because of that I’d never be able to do this job before turning around and tellin everyone that I was autistic before I had even recovered from the shock , they used my vulnerable emotional state to force me to leave school and when I called my mom to tell her about all that happened she answered “I can’t believe my daughter Is a kriffing autist “ before hanging up on me
I went into a big depression and as soon as I was good enough to go out into the world once again, the whole world shut down because of Covid, now with no idea what to do with my life and nowhere to go I kind of went insane and tried to kill myself at the hospital I learned about this organization that helped people by teaching them to cook and offering them psychological help, there I found a love of patisserie, I went to school to learn how to do that job. Then I did a big mistake, I decided to go to the park and celebrate being bisexual and proud of it as well as the beautiful warm day, of course, that is where some asshole decided to plant bombs” she made a very sad face “ I’ll skip the whole awful tragedy and horrible pain of recovery” she took a deep sigh “ than they told me the dormant virus in me had mutated because of the radiation and I was terminal and as the world was ending around me I decided to make my body useful I volunteered to a program to send a warning to other civilizations across the universe not to make the same mistake earth made” she said sternly than in her best saleswoman voice « but you can read this whole story in more details with all the lessons I learned in my short yet long life in this book I wrote - she pulls out a book- 300 years to find myself I recommend it it’s like a bit of my soul »
Everyone looked shocked and sad at the story they had just heard they stayed silent for a moment before Ahsoka asked
« what was earth’s mistake? what could have been changed? What are you here to warn us about »
« Representational-she did air quote with her fingers-democracy » she paused before continuing « this form of government structure makes a mockery of the ideal of the people being trusted with their own good, it sets power-hungry manipulators into powers since those are the only people who can dedicate themselves to this career path, every problem that earth faced all at once ever since I’ve been born started because those people were in power instead of people that actually remember what’s it’s like to be a normal everyday civilian »
« so what would you have instead? What is true democracy? » obi wan asked thoughtfully combing his beard
« put the name of every citizen of a nation in a hat and pick 10 names randomly and let those 10 perfectly unbiased normal civilians in a room together let them make the decision for 6 months they’ll make the best decision unbiased from the wants of corporations and corruption and then go back to there normal life enjoying the benefits of their decision »
« Nation by nation but than what of the republic? »
« oh we get rid of that alliances and centralizations only ever do is help people be excluded and exploited and lead to as you have experienced; war » she continued « plus the republic is based on a xenophobic system and it needs to be destroyed to remove that bias from all the cracks »
« but not all the senators are xenophobic, plus if we dismantle the republic who is supposed to finance the Jedi order? »
« I’m going to gloss over the whole, not every senator is xenophobic because you can just google the nice story explaining how it doesn’t matter since still in a space not adapted for inclusion, but do you want me to budget the Jedi order expecially the feeding of all those different people with different diet? Cause I would freaking love to! '' she had a sparkle in her eyes end jumped up and down in excitement
« Sure » said Anakin with his signature smirk
« Ahsoka come I need you to be my rubber ducky slash alien point of view as I make the Jedi order more connected to the life force, more financially responsible, and cooler » she said dragging the togruta by the wrist
« What’s a rubber ducky? » Ahsoka asked while trying to pry off the woman's hand without hurting her
« someone who just sits there as the other rambles on and on »
The two girls disappeared out into the hallway
——
« Where are we even going? » Ahsoka asked as the women kept dragging her around the ship
They stopped at the med bay and entered
The woman made a shush hand signal to kix, fives, and Ashoka before pulling out the same figurine Jesse had taken a magnet from, putting it on kix desk
“Warmachine’s big black balls will help us “and taking said black round magnet around the room as she did so some lights and monitors flickered
« We can talk now » she declared
« I removed mine and fives chips but I’m not sure how we can do the same efficiently and without drawing too much attention on a large scale much less the whole kriffing gar, » said Kix
Ahsoka looks back and forth between the woman and Kix clearly confused
« what is…. » she begins before being cut
« secret mind control chips implanted into every clone so they kill the Jedis and help palpi take over the galaxy » the woman said nonchalantly
“palpi?” asked Kix and Ahsoka almost simultaneously
“Chancellor Palpatine aka emperor Sidious”
“ they are going to have questions when I come back to the bridge and I can’t answer them if there are mics” said fives
“ Okay I have an idea who may be dumb and crazy enough to work” she said with wild eyes
“ let’s hear you out” fives said
Kix showed Ashoka his current data on the chip
“ Okay, so you act crazy only ever answering with memes, like that everyone will think whatever Kix did worsen what the internet did to you, thus they’ll go to him and he’ll be able to remove the chip from them too, we instruct them to act as crazy as you thus causing more people to go to the med bay, plus like that Kix will have many subjects to test how to efficiently remove the chips” the woman said while swaying her hips from side to side erratically
“ that’s a dumb plan” said fives
“I know right” the woman answered still swaying
“ practice would indeed be useful “ kix said looking up from his holo tablet
“ We don’t have a better plan, so I guess that is what we will do” Ahsoka said using her best commander voice still confused about this whole ordeal
The two girls took their leave to go do budget as Fives went out to the bridge plan in hand
——-
In a room with a central console, Ashoka standing is typing and reading while Béatrice from the other side does the same but seated
“Okay so first things first, the Jedi order needs to move, the coruscant temple is built on a sith temple which gives bad juju and we need fertile ground if we want to reach financial autonomy unless we want to feed the Jedis half-rotten vegetables rejected by stores, plus farming will be good to help be linked with the force of life”
“ And where are we supposed to move? Also aren’t we supposed to cut the budget? Wouldn’t buying droids to farm cost more money?
“ yeah I thought you could help me find that place, also no droids no staff we are getting rid of all middlemen there is so much beauty in the mundane doing chores is so good to the mind it has so much to teach us, and helps connect us with regular folks, it’s why cooking was part of my rehabilitation”
Ahsoka: Jedis can’t just do chores all day! We are busy!
Béatrice: Cause you think everyone in the world doesn’t have chores they have to do as well as their full-time job? Think! And don’t worry i'll make a fair chore wheel
They go back to typing quietly
Béatrice: So the part of agricorp will be at the temple helping with the gardening as they teach younglings their way to use the force and how fun service corp can be
Hashtag because the world needs fewer warriors and more janitors
Ahsoka: Agricorps aren’t janitors
Béatrice: They aren’t respected by their organization like Janitors and like janitors, if we had more we might have a chance of saving the world
Ahsoka: The virus?
Béatrice: Yep
Béatrice: The medicorps would go and become hospital staff across the galaxy and open their own facility and receive a salary from those facilities, thus a group we don’t have to worry about budgeting for since they’ll be free agents
Makes sense
The exploracorps should not be given any kind of budget and use the gig economy to finance their hygincs which they will write about, this will create very nice stories people would be ready to pay to read thus once less expense and one more revenue source
We will open libraries that are staffed by the educorps all across the galaxy in more impoverished areas to allow the more vulnerable people to have access to knowledge and education, let’s remember these people will have a chance to rule their nation, we will charge the price of a coffee a month for access to these space of knowledge, thus giving us the money to maintain them
As she finished her sentence Captain Rex enters he salutes Ahsoka
He looks at Béatrice “ I just wanted to talk about the incident with Fives that was completely inappropriate “
“ okay first of all you're not the boss of me no man is ever going to be the boss of me and you telling me not to do something only makes me want to do something more , and yes I get that the accelerated aging broke your brain and thus consent is strange to gage, but you do not get to have an opinion on what call I make in this situation “
Rex blushing “ sir, uh no uh Béatrice uh I meant that fives shouldn’t have said that and and what do you mean by broken brain and is fives okay what did you do to him what was that about corpus thing and why is he acting like that now”
“ fives said the only thing that could have cut the tension in the room after I’d just been forced to admit I’m a horny slut, yes your brains are broken - she brings a finger next to Rex's cheek she looks at his eyes - can I?- he nods she gently caresses his cheek and he violently turns his head toward the hand- ha ha rooting reflex, should have been phased out at 4 months old but the accelerated aging which was put in place to hide the health problems that come from using damaged DNA for cloning prevented the brain from doing that”
“What the what ?” Rex and Ashoka who had stopped what she was doing to listen to Béatrice exclaimed
“ There are thousands of ethical problems with cloning of course some of them are actual problems that make it so it’s almost more ethical to euthanize them and others can be just put old age in cause, it’s also why Jesse and the -she reads a report from Kix and her eyes go big- 9 others are doing so bad despite being otherwise healthy strong men who have habituation to radiation due to constant space travel”
They made concerned faces
“ anyway Fives mind just blew up from too much internet messiness it happens I still have the crack in my skull from it, guess Kix might have messed up the operation and that’s why he’s acting weird, but that’s not my department”
With a scared look, Rex announced “ I’ll go see him next then “ he turns around to go but then turns back to Béatrice “ can I get a copy of that book?”
“ yeah sure “ she pulls the book from her seemingly bottomless purse “ that’ll be five credits “
Rex makes a discontented face before giving her the credit and taking the book and going on his way to Kix
Ahsoka ask Béatrice “ I hope the clones will be okay”
“I Hope so too but we have to prepare for the worse”
They keep working on finding recipes, discussing alien diets, possible locations for the new main temple, and how to budget for obi wan’s Jedi cloaks that he keeps losing
——-
End of the second day
Béatrice flings herself and the chair she is on away from the table
“Enough work for today time for fun »
She looks over at Ahsoka who just finished a sentence on the document as she stretches
« Hey I have been thinking about something » Ahsoka says
Béatrice looks at her with a bored expression on her face and makes a round motion with her hand
« so you don’t have the force or Jedis on earth, right? »
« Indeed »
« So no one has tried to use force heal to prevent you from dying? » she says moving closer to Béatrice
« Let me make one thing clear I am refusing any life-extending treatment, I don’t want any more treatment, I could go through a bunch of treatments and give myself a few more months maybe even a few more years but I don’t want to, I don’t want to keep on surviving if I can’t live »
« But you are so young! Why are you just giving up! You still have so much »
« I used to win screaming contests, I could scream so loud the whole ship would hear me and I could hold that note for a full 30 seconds » she pauses sighting deeply clearly hit by a wave of nostalgia « I used to be able to spend my days in a hot kitchen standing, walking, chopping, working and now look at me I can’t even just type at a computer for a few hours I need to sit in a stupid chair, I might be alive but I’m not living and I just want to enjoy the few days I have left rather than be poked and prodded in a vain attempt at making me survive a bit more »
« I think I can understand that, you don’t want a half measure that will just prolong your suffering »
« Exactly! Now let’s dance » she stands and puts on the muffin time song
Has she danced to the words it’s muffin time cause I want to die clumps of her hair fall on the floor
Ahsoka looks at the fallen hair on the floor « you uh dropped this? » she was clearly not understanding how hair worked in this instance
Béatrice snapped out of her dance and looked at the hair
« Huh-she picks up the hair- my hair has been falling out because of my declining health and the radiation, I really should just shave it all out but- she stops for a moment- you know what let’s do it, let’s go shave my head »
Ahsoka looks shocked « this is in no way a we situation! I don’t do hair! Why can’t all species just have montrals they are so much more manageable »
« Common you're braver than that! You just take a buzzing cutting machine and drag it across my scalp! What’s the worst you can do? Let’s go » she says walking out of the room
As they walk towards the refresher
Ahsoka looks thoughtful « don’t you have any regrets? any fear? »
« Yeah hair is a form of self expression and a sign of health and status and it’s fun to play with but no I’m ready to be bald » she says before continuing « but as for the question you are really asking I only have only one regret about dying right now at only 23 »
Ahsoka looked at her and looked about to ask what that regret was when Béatrice continued
« I would have liked to be a mom- as she talked she put a hand on her belly and Ahsoka remembered the scans which showed so much damage to that area- not in a biological imperative kind of way but in an I want to care for someone, I want to give my love and support to someone, I want to share all the beautiful memories I have of growing up, the silly shows the cheesy jokes from my mom, while also giving them the support system I would have needed, teach them all that I know and help them reach their goals even if I disagree with them, I wanted to be a mom and love unconditionally while also being a firm hand guiding them to greatness »
As she finished her monologue she looked about to tear up
A trooper who heard the whole thing put a hand on her shoulder « I’ll be your son…-5 other troopers came up -well be your sons! »
Béatrice looked at them with such love and kindness in her eyes even with the mask you could tell she had a brilliant smile
« Alright, sons of mine tell me have you been following proper sleep hygiene? Been going to bed every night at the same time and waking up at the same time too? What about veggies you've been eating your greens? Broccoli is delicious, don't let anyone tell you otherwise! And most important have you been practicing safe sex? Condom always even for oral sexually transmitted diseases are no joke »
Understanding the game the troopers responded with a grumpy response like « yes mom stop being on my back you know I'm a good boy! »
« Amazing ! Now go rest I expect you in the kitchen at 7 am tomorrow cause I’m going to teach you knives skills that you will be able to use everywhere »
« wouldn’t miss it for the world »
With that, they walked off
And the two women entered the refresher
As Ahsoka began shaving Beatrice's head the latter asks
« What about you Ahsoka, if you were to die tomorrow instead of getting the -she calculated on her hand- like 80 more years you are supposed to get would you have any regrets? »
« I’m a Jedi I’m told not to hold to the things I fear to lose, not even my life »
« Yeah I get that philosophy but can you honestly tell me you wouldn’t regret anything? Like dying a virgin, not getting to become a Jedi knight, not being slutty enough, maybe not trying that one meal from the little shop down the street? »
« Why are you so obsessed with sex? »
« Because carnal desires are the only thing I have left, I can’t find love, despite the trooper intentions I can’t raise a family, I can’t reach the top of the career ladder, all that I have left before I die is to become the slut I always wanted to be but never dared to be because I was so scared of appearances »
Ahsoka was shaken by her words to her core for the first time in her life she let herself ask what if I could have more
——
It’s been 3 days no new cases of COVID-X36 aboard the ship have been detected, either they are doing a good job preventing the spread with the disinfection, temperature checkpoint, masks, and distance or they are doing a very bad job at diagnostic
5 of the diagnosed trooper are now in the med bay too weak to move
25% of the 501 now have a scar on their head and speak in meme
1500 copies of 300 years to find myself have been bought and read by bored troopers
Ashoka who had removed her beads which were deemed not compliant with health and safety regulations in the kitchen was looking at a datapad trying to make sense of the recipes Beatrice had planned to be eaten by most of the species that composed the Jedi Order
Meanwhile Béatrice with her now bald head and wearing boots Ashoka let her borrow was running around behind the troopers that had asked to be her sons and correcting their postures or hold as they cut onions
Anakin walks in
“Hey no uncovered hair in my kitchen , cover or out “ Béatrice yells clearly mad at him
Anakin defiantly keeps walking towards the central workstation around which all the troopers where hair flowing freely despite the warning
Ahsoka looks between the two wondering how this confrontation will go
« Since when is this your kitchen, stowaway »
« Since I’ve been making all the meals all by myself because nobody else gives a crap »
Béatrice sighed deeply turns around cleaned her hands goes to a cabinet at the entrance of the kitchen, pulls out a hair net, and forces it on Anakin's head
“ here you go, now wash your hands, grab a towel and help with the dishes, won’t have nobody with idle hands in my kitchen”
Ashoka brings her focus back to the recipes grabbing a spice canister off a shelf
Anakin brings crosses his arm in disbelief then he takes a good look at Béatrice
Her now bald head shows off her incredibly pale, almost gray skin her face is emaciated the eyes surrounded by dark circles
He gulps before doing as she had asked
While clumsily grabbing the dirty dishes the troopers had been making all morning “ so this BPD you say I have, I like take a pill and I’ll be cured? Able to go back to my life as it was before “
“No it’s a disorder, not an illness, it can’t be cured only managed, the treatment could be combined with a good old Prozac but the actual treatment is talk therapy
“ couldn’t we just fix this quickly so I can go back to my life”
“ No, for definitive treatment you will need actual help and support from a professional, you either accept help or …”
“Wait wait what is this about what is BPD? Or what?” Ahsoka asks clearly confused by the exchange
“Do you allow me to tell her about it?” Beatrice asks looking up from her task and into Anakin's blue eyes
Anakin nods quietly
“ I’m going to need a verbal enthusiastic yes before I talk, someone broke hippa for me once and I’ll never do it to someone else”
Anakin looks down at his task remembering Béatrice story realizing she was in the same place he is he takes a deep breath
“Ahsoka, I have borderline personality disorder, which means I feel things very deeply and can’t always control my reactions, if I don’t get the treatment I’ll hurt a lot of people “
“ If you want I can help you fill in the paperwork so you can start a 48-hour hold as soon as we reach coruscant”
“What happens after those 48 hours?”
“ Anything you want Anakin you are a free man you can be a Jedi, a mechanic, a sith, a househusband, a bum, you can keep going to therapy or you can not go, all that I know is if you get the treatment you won’t be a slave to the chemicals in your brain but in complete control of your destiny, a free man”
Anakin’s eyes water at those words he tries to hold them back embarrassed
“I’ll go away now “he says backing away slowly
“Hey, master!” Ashoka says “ it’ll be okay, you’ll be okay”
“At least better than this universal soup” Beatrice says pulling a ladle full of gross cloudy water out of a pot that had been steaming all morning
Anakin gives them a small smile from under his mask before walking off
« Out of bargaining and into depression, soon he’ll be at acceptance and he can start to heal »
Béatrice said at no one in particular before going back to her task
—-
(Might completely rewrite this entire part tell me if it’s good or what to throw away)
The very next day jessy’s condition has gotten much worse and Obi-wan, Anakin, Ahsoka, Béatrice and Kix are discussing the Treatment plan
« What is his advance directive? Did Jesse ever put to writing what conditions under which he wishes to live or die? »
« clones are considered the propriety of the republic we don’t get to put our wishes on paper »
« Than what is the republic’s official stance on medical acharnement and machine assisted breathing? »
« the official gar guidelines say not to do extreme measures of any kind » Obi-wan said as he stroked his beard over his mask
« And who is Jesse’s medical proxy, btw no touching the mask 30 push up, and clean your hands »
Obi-wan groans before obtempering
« I am, as his general, I am his medical proxy »Anakin says still looking depressed from the last day’s speech
«than Anakin what do you wish for us to do? To follow the guidelines and make him comfortable as he dies giving him a chance to say his goodbyes before he passes or do you want us to shove a tube down his throat and force him to fight for a tiny chance at survival »
« I don’t know what would you recommend »
« I made my own decision for myself and although I do not regret my choice to accept my fate peacefully, I would never force anyone to make that decision this is an immensely personal choice, and although me and the sick soldiers have been hanging out with soup and marvel movies ever since my arrival, we have never discussed such deep subjects, you are the one who can tell us, would Jesse choose to go away peacefully or to fight for a tiny chance at survival »
« Gather the men from his squadron they will get to say their goodbyes, afterward the tube might never come out » Ahsoka said deciding for Anakin
« The machine will be ready »
« Now for the less
« 10 others I thought there were 10 including Jesse »
« I’m also a patient »
« Have you considered the feeding tube I proposed earlier? »
« I have and I have decided that if a cylindrical tube it’s to be inserted into my throat and release thick goo, it won’t be made of plastic” she said winking
She spoke up again “ just tell me what calorie count you want me to reach and I’ll put all that’s needed in a blender and drink it no matter how gross the resulting substance “
“2400”
She lets out a whine and pouts “k but then you don’t bother me about this issue ever again k”
Kix nods
“What can be done for the other bed-bound patients “
“To get the radiation out of their bodies we’d need to be able to clean their blood but we don’t have the required equipment to do that, and trying to move them to a facility that has it would increase the risk of the disease getting out “
“ So what we let them die? “
“Or we give their bodies the best chance to fight the disease”
“Nutrition, hydration and rest”
Looking at his holo tablet Anakin says “ I’ve noticed you girls have been doing great advances with the Jedi budget”
“Yeah we already have a menu, chore wheel, new better use for each wing of the service corps we are doing great progress “
“Would you like me to help with figuring out how to get parts for ships and light sabers ?“
“Yes please help, I really don’t understand this space tech thing and Ahsoka has only ever lived on the large budget of the republic “
Anakin chuckles before walking away to comm Jesse's squadron
« How is project 6 advancing » Beatrice said putting her hand on her left temple
« good we keep getting more flies in the trap and we almost have it perfectioned into a mobile device but we have problems with the power source and then he hesitates looking for a way to phrase it without making commander Kenobi suspicious- refractory period «
« well then just build an arc reactor and show them pictures of pretty ladies »
« Yeah and I’ll just invent a new element while I’m at it » he scoffs clearly not amused by her statement
« just have them wait 15 minutes aka the standard after receiving a shot then send them on their way »
Kix nods and he starts writing down a report on the meeting
« Meeting adjourned « said obi wan commandingly
A few hours later in the kitchen
Béatrice is working away making multiple meals at the same time a true fairy of the kitchen
Coming behind one of her sons she helps him get the rotation of the blade back on track
Anakin dragging Obi-wan comes in puts on a hair net and encourages obi wan to do the same with his hair and beard
« Please explain to him what you explained to me about my health and what I’ll become if I don’t treat it »
Béatrice looks into his eyes takes a deep breath and begins
« Anakin got bipolar personality disorder, it is caused by intense separation trauma, such as being taken away from the one thing you can count on as a child, Borderline personality disorder is a personality disorder and mental illness that is characterized by the loss of emotional regulation and control. This can lead to dangerous impulsivity, distorted self-image, and unstable relationships. People with a borderline personality disorder often experience chronic feelings of intense fear, anger, and anxiety and struggle to manage or control them. »
« Those sound a lot like the way a sith…. »
He stops his thought before saying
« He can’t he is the chosen one, he can’t fall to the dark side »
« Tell me obi wan when I said those words , did you picture times when Anakin did exactly what I described? »
Obi-wan stayed silent deep in thoughts
« Anakin isn’t a lost cause, he just need to be helped a bit , and the fact he is letting me explain all this to you means he wants the help and is ready to accept it, which is the hardest part »
« So what do I do where do I start? In the song, it said something about being able to see a shrink on the internet. Can I do that? Can I keep being a Jedi while I get treatment? »
« Sadly because earth is dead and too far for a back and forth to be possible, so no you can’t use the internet for treatment, although you could make some research on your condition to better understand it, as for being a Jedi I don’t know I’m not a Jedi myself, I’m just a cook »
As she said that she went back to her tasks
She looks genuinely happy to be there in the kitchen, her second choice of career
« Jedis don’t exactly have a protocol for when a Jedi is … controlled by their emotions »
Béatrice chuckled at that
« You can say that again , hashtag this organization is run by old men that believe going to therapy and seeking treatment is weakness »
« It's not that the council is bad it’s just »
« Uneducated? Set in its way? That they are under the complete control of the Senate? »
« Maybe » he says defeated
Anakin who had been checking something in the oven
« Béatrice, if you hadn’t been kicked out of being a therapist, do you think you’d be happier? »
« Man, that’s a loaded question, what would have happened If I’d been told I could stay there while going through the whole grief thing and figuring out the new normal, well I’d have had a lot of difficulty with keeping up with my work what with all the things I’m learning about myself as I go, I’d still have been a therapist to this day probably, and thus I’d be a slave to the terrible terrible health system that my country had, I’d have gotten better access to mental health professionals, I’d probably never took time to truly think through what Id learned about myself and going around like a zombie, but What makes me happy about baking Is that it makes people happy and although I’d be so exhausted emotionally I couldn’t really see it I’d be helping people and making them better, so yeah it’s a strange question to ask and I answer it with the perception of someone who found an unexpected passion, it doesn’t mean that this is you »
Anakin took a moment to take in the words before announcing « my name is Anakin Skywalker I’m BPD and I’ll be taking a leave from the Jedi order thill I have figured out how to control my emotions »
——-
It’s early way too fucking early it’s 2 am
Béatrice unable to sleep despite all she tried is working away on the report
When she sees the shadow of someone coming down the hallway
« My body is broken and I’m in constant pain, what’s your excuse for being up »
Rex came up to the room and began rubbing his neck « well I’ve been thinking about how once you make your big speech and reveal what you know the war will end and I don’t know what … »
« What to do with the illegal and unethical army of male clones once the war is over? »
« Why would you precise the gender why are you obsessed with men and patriarchy or whatever? »
« Do you know why my parents named me the way they did? »
« No, but I do remember you saying your name didn’t matter”
She rolled her eyes before saying
« My parents named me after a book: the century after Béatrice »( read it my dude it is life changing and I don’t do it justice here)
Rex looked at her and sit down in front of her ready to hear where this was going
« men wish to have sons since the dawn of time and this is the story of what happens when they get their wish and get only sons, the world falls into chaos you’d think women being rare would allow them to finally be valued and considered as the deity they are, but instead the violence against women only deepens they can’t be left to walk around town without at least two armed guards because otherwise they’ll be kidnapped and raped, this leads to the world ending because women can no longer work and when women can’t do their work the world stops if it had been the contrary if the carefully calculated ratios set up by Mother Nature was skewed in the other sense it would have been paradise, less testosterone in the world »
« Me and my vods would never do such awful things »
« The problem is not with you the problem is that you’ll take away wives from other men creating undue competition and the mass amount of men not being diluted by women will create a mass of unstoppable stupidity because men cannot be left alone »
« I’d argue with you on that last point but I have to deal with 501 shenanigans every day, but then like what’s the solution can’t you just make a magic all-encompassing plan like the one you are doing for the Jedi so we don’t have to all be killed? »
« well there is one solution and it’s much more simple than unfucking up the Jedi order, the gen z motto: be gay do crime »
Rex tried to get a word in but Beatrice continued
« Think about it the whole reason we evolved to have gays was to prevent undue competition and help out in times of great stress, so if gay no problem plus the bonus of not having to deal with the problem of the clones not being sterile and what that might do to genetic diversity »
« I get that I really do but it’s…. I'm straight and if it is a gene then …. We all are »
« Oh honey nobody is that straight, after all, noodles are straight, till they get wet, plus it’s a simple chemical reaction it’s pretty easy to cause people to be gay it’s called pink gas and it’s effective »
Rex looked at her like she was completely mad but still, he dared to ask
« what about the do crime part? »
She looked at the time on her screen and urged him with a sign of the head to follow her as they walked towards the kitchen « because you mustn’t be put in regular society and do regular jobs because of the risk of falling in love, also again you occupying jobs that would otherwise be occupied by other people would create competition and resentment and people would hate you, but if instead, you get yourself a nice planet as your base of operations while you go around the galaxy and saying f this capitalist system and just stealing from the big faceless corporations that prevent resources from reaching the poorest among us, now that’s sexy
Plus after having spent your entire life following the rules and fighting for someone else cause you deserve to cause some mayhem and do stupid ass shit like robbing banks or ding dong ditching Jaba the hut, heck you deserve to murder the slimy bastard if that’s what you want to do »
« Are you insane you really think that dosing ourselves with some experimental drug and going off to be some kind of justice pirates is a solution? In what world? »
« Yeah and if you got a better one , one in which you will both be granted freedom, personhood, and have some fun for your short lifespan all the while not destroying the fragile ecosystem of the galaxy I'd like to hear it »
They arrive at the kitchen Rex sits on a stool far away from the prep as Beatrice starts prepping croissants for breakfast
Rex was silent as he watched her shape the dough but then he said
« What if we refuse what if we don’t play your game, what if we decide to stay with our Jedi and keep helping them bring peace to the galaxy? »
She laughed as her hands twisted the dough into a perfect croissant « with what money like don’t get me wrong je m’en tabarnak in fact I wouldn’t care if you destroyed the whole galaxy and enslaved everyone because I’m dying and this is not my circus and thus the people in it are not my monkey and are not my responsibility, still you must realize that Jedi can’t keep the clones forever »
« So if you don’t care what we do why put so much thought into finding a solution »
« Because I love the thought exercise I find it fun to figure out a solution for problems that doesn’t mean I want to be the poor soul trying to implement it »
She put the first 4 batches of croissants into the oven
« Why do you sound twi’lek? I didn’t notice before but now that you are getting less fact and more emotion in your discourse I can definitely hear the accent »
« Oh yeah George Lucas did specifically ask that all twi’lek speak with the accent of my -she did air quote- cousins »
« Who’s George Lucas and what does he have to do with anything? »
« George Lucas is the creator of this here Star Wars universe you living in, although your own creation could be traced back to Dave Filoni who has now taken over the franchise »
« Do you … do you think I’m that we are fictional »
It’s at this moment that the 6 troopers who claimed themselves Beatrice's sons came in
Beatrice took the croissants out of the oven and set them, a variety of fruits, some waffles, and some yogurt out on the hot table she looked at Rex « yes absolutely, it’s clear to me this is my brain using my special interest in the Star Wars system to get me to process all my feelings and stuff before I die asphyxiated in my pod »
« Good morning mom » a trooper said he grabbed a croissant and was happy to feel it nice and warm « oh my god! The croissants are warm and fresh this is a dream come true »
« Nothing but the best for my sons! You guys eat up today you’ll be alone in the kitchen and show me what you can do, and remember there is no shame in comming me if you need help »
« We know but we won’t need to »
« Is it question time? »
Beatrice had started to fill her plate with a few things and she put the whole contents of her plate along with a full glass of orange juice into a blender
« Yes ask me anything and I’ll answer it »
She said as the blender turned her breakfast to a thick brown orange mush she poured the contents of the blender into a glass
A trooper looked at Rex who was very confused by her words, her beliefs, and now this whole son thing? He just filled himself a plate and sit down
One of the troopers, Pyromaniac, asked pointing at Rex « if clone why blonde? »
She took a long sip of the disgusting liquid before coughing and wheezing, once she got it together she started pulling bottles of medicine out of her bag
« Oh if hair pigment never activated it happens, that’s also why my eyebrows are blonde despite that I used to have dark brown eyes, it’s just pretty random, probably something in the water »
Rex just ate a bite of croissant just trying to put all the pieces together
Béatrice takes 8 pills in the palm of her hand, brings them to her mouth then washes them with the disgusting liquid
« Pills, it’s the most important part of breakfast »
« Son? » rex asks finally regaining composure
« a way for my brain to process that I’ll never get a family, but yeah those are my sons, my little bidoux I’m teaching them to be cooks, and since I’m their mom I have the answer to everything »
“We took her last name because she is a strong independent woman who doesn’t need no man “ (bidoux is her last name)
« Okay if I go along with your this is all in your head and we are just fictional characters, can you explain to me why this dude chose to have twi’lek sound like your cousins? »
« Well you see the French are known for their whores that accept any requests as well as a great sense of justice they will destroy everything to get a salary raise, they are insane, no question us little terrorists are related to them »
Ahsoka comes in ready for breakfast
Béatrice just points to a plate she made special for her
In it was a nice meaty slab prepared in a traditional shilli way
« You know dhumir isn’t really breakfast food right? »
« Shut up and eat we have so little meat left and I’m trying to make it last as long as possible because the last time a quarantine was supposed to last 2 weeks it ended up lasting 2 years, and we don’t have as many options as we did on earth for groceries so sorry if we don’t have any more poultry for a traditional shilli breakfast » Beatrice said obviously ticked
À clone named liquid asks « isn’t terrorism wrong? Why do you seem happy to be related to terrorists »
« Let me tell you the story of the patriots and the flq, the only reason I get to be a francophone »
Everyone sat down ready to hear another Beatrice autistic rambling
« so the French made a colony on the other side of the ocean , everything was well thill our old enemy the English attacked , we suffered a lot from both side of the ocean, we asked for more troops and supplies and the king said we don’t send water to the stable when the castle is in fire essentially saying we did not matter , so we fell to English hands and they asked that we bow to their king , except we weren’t about to go back under the thumb of an uncaring king , so we said no enduring decades of torture and mistreatment and one day they came to get us to enlist to go and enslave some people for their king , we protested by throwing rocks and they shot bullet and as such all the frustration we had all this time came out the gloves were off and we became the patriots a terrorist group , nothing was too low for us and as such they got scared and you can’t be scared of something without respecting it and with this new respect we are now full citizens of our own part of Canada we’re we get to speak French , terrorism is the only way that has ever worked to truly be respected by the oppressors »
She had raised a defiant fist
« Vive le Québec libre mes tabarnak! »
She went back to her disgusting smoothie
« Why do every character in your book is simply referred to by their condition? And why does everyone you meet have so many conditions? »
« Because you should take the things people try to use as insults to you and wear them as armor, I am autistic and I am proud of it even if I cry at night sometimes wishing that I was able to be normal and be happy like the neurotypical, I need to keep reminding myself that I wouldn’t be myself if I wasn’t ADHD, autistic and anxious, as for why all the people that I’m close with have disorders it’s because only those with disorders can actually enjoy my company »
« I enjoy your company and I don’t have a disorder much less several » Ashoka said
Béatrice raised an eyebrow and looked at Ashoka intently
« you really think there is nothing wrong with you? »
« You think you can somehow just look at me and know exactly what I have? »
« Yes that is part of the training I did, but seriously just look at yourself you are not a weird looking human you are togruta and yet you don’t let yourself act like it, I know you can hear the problem with the boiler too, the tok tok tok constantly going on but I also know you haven’t told anyone about the issue because then you’d have to explain the difference in your senses »
« you hear it too? »
« Hypersensitive hearing it’s part of the package when you are autistic »
« Why didn’t you say anything? Than »
« I only figured out this morning what it was making the noise, I’m used to living on land and earth technology, I’m trying to figure it all out, what’s your excuse? »
« So what if I try to make myself seem more human it makes them more comfortable, it’s empathy, not a disorder »
« Because humans are gross vile violent sex addicted cockroaches and you should take any and all opportunities to distance yourself from that mess that we collectively are »
« humans aren’t that bad”
“Oh yes, we are! We made an art form of making everything into a weird sex thing, in fact, the virus started because someone fucked a bat! And if you follow any criminology class which you most definitely should if you actually want to stop bad guys, you’d know that any sexual need that we try and repress becomes violence, so we are violent jerks because we are horny fuckboys, as for the cockroach thing it literally took a war, a virus, murder hornet, racial tension, massive fires, and 3 atom bomb to get rid of humanity! We are the worst”
“So what do you want me to do go around biting people “
“No, since viruses and illnesses can easily be caught from biting humans, I’m just saying maybe listen to the sensation in your montrals sometimes, learn some togruti, learn to be yourself “
“I should take 300 years to find myself?” She said jokingly
“If that’s what you need to figure it out” Beatrice said so matter of factly
“Anyway gotta go I promised fives I’d teach him how to twerk”
The bidoux entered the kitchen
“Hey, how many onions did you cut?”
“I have no idea I just started cutting and entered a trance, hashtag I’d make a terrible surgeon…hashtag but an amazing serial killer, anyway fives is waiting for me with stupidly short short”
“Wait is tweaking code for…” Rex began as she walked off
—-
“Sir the men are getting restless and are injuring themselves because they have nothing to do » Rex said coming into the room we’re obi wan was filling reports while facing a big window
« Just teach them about rule 34 that will give them enough things to distract themselves » Beatrice from a couch looking up from her tablet, a bottle with a straw coming under her mask under her armpit and a speech that is a bit slurred said
« Are you drunk ? Also, why are you here ? »
« I’m going to regret asking that but ….what is rule 34 »
« No just tipsy, I’m parallel playing with you cause I like you, and also I need an adult to watch me in case I get too drunk » she sit up from her previous lying position and obi wan was able to sense the heat coming from her stomach as well as her spinning head…. She was very drunk
« As for rule 34… if you can imagine it there’s a porn of it , it’s great for the trooper, they can masturbate, they can just be confused by the sheer amount they can try to prove it wrong they can play my favorite drinking game: straight face, where you have to each read a line of a porn in alternate and whoever can’t keep a straight face has to drink »
« If we get you drunk enough will you finally reveal the whole plan on how to stop the war? »
« Maybe I don’t know it’s my first time getting drunk »
Suddenly pyromaniac burst into the room and came to snuggle up on Beatrice she put her hand in his hair caressing it gently
« What’s wrong child? »
« I read this fic and the author kills me in it »
« Why does that upset you? »
« Because it’s death! I get death on a battlefield but why would people die in fiction »
« It helps drive the character forward it helps people be reminded that death is where we are all headed death isn’t something to fear it’s something to tame accept and embrace »
« How do you do that? How can you be okay with dying for no reason »
« Because death is the meaning of life, death is beautiful, for a thing to be good it needs to end, a natural end is given to all good things, organizations, objects, living beings, ideas, ideologies, systems, if they stay they become bad because the world just keeps on going » obi wan and Rex decided to get comfortable and sit as they listened to Beatrice drunken speech about death she noticed « hey what are you guys doing? Get us players and alcohol let’s play straight face if it’s my only time ever drinking I make as well make it a party, that’d be smart right? » she looked around for validation
« yeah absolutely let me comm Anakin and Ahsoka I’ll tell them to get the good stuff » Obi-wan said smiling and wondering where this will go
« This is the good stuff it’s lemon flavored and lemon flavor stuff is always amazing » she slurred taking a loud sip from her straw she closed her eyes and threw her head back, now drunk she could no longer hide how much pain she was in obi wan could feel it through the force within her she was suffering both physically flashes of pain from everywhere in her body but also a much deeper emotional trauma under it all
« So what tags for the fic we will read? » Pyromaniac said sitting up
« no, no we here you, you my friend need to be sober enough to be our chaperone so we don’t get our head stuck between railing or something similar » Beatrice said repeatedly slapping him on the shoulder
« But I think we should go with rexsoka, it’s a bad ship in reality because of power imbalance and consent and shit but the writers of that stuff are really good, also obikin because they definitely won’t be able to read that and obi wan is an alcoholic, get us a good one that has them actually well in character »
Anakin carrying two bottles of [insert hard alcohol here] and Ashoka carrying [alcohol togruta can have]
« Anyway, where was I? »
« You were explaining why immortality is immoral or something »
“ so yeah the world around us is in constant change and that change is getting faster and faster as we get more free time and shit, and thus the things that were revolutionary when we were young are now completely wrong, I mean I used to eat foie gras, and I love it and I know it’s immoral but because I was raised in a world where force-feeding bird thill they exploded was okay if I kept on living this immoral thing I believe in would stay alive with me, old people keep their old believes because there is no punishment for being wrong for too long but there is one for being right too soon, so they all must die”
“Kill all old people? That’s the stance your going with”
“Yes remember death is beautiful, death makes things beautiful, wouldn’t you rather be remembered for the good you did as a young person than for the awful thing you do as an old person? You either die a hero or live long enough to become a villain”
“What is old to you? What age should we euthanize people in this weird worldview of yours”
“60” she said whiteout taking a single second to think about this
They began to play the game drinking and reading but Beatrice kept on ranting
“Think about it, I'm 23 and I already believe in things that are immoral. Can you imagine how many others I’d keep once I’m 60? Plus 60 is a great time biologically and socially to die, your body is just beginning to fail, you have reached a good place professionally and any children who you might have had no longer need you, even if you come from a race with an insane lifespan you still have lived through too much change to be a good person”
“What about the wisdom we can learn from all those years of experience?” Obi-wan asked still sober despite having drunk almost an entire bottle by himself
“ crystallized intelligence? Yeah every single thing crystallized intelligence, the type of intelligence that allows you to take things you have experience and use them for another similar situation, can be replaced by an app these days” she says showing apps that help you figure out how to clean stuff, calculates microwave time, gives random quotes
“And I’m not saying that because death is great we should just kill everyone, the death needs to be natural, for a death to be natural you must first have accomplished everything required for the good death trademark “
She took a long swig read her line and said
“And if you don’t know what the good death is, just ask google I can’t tell you everything “
After that, she calmed down a bit before after a comment on the sexual position in the fic she declared
“Yeah it’s easy to know what people want in the sheets it’s simply the opposite of what they are like in the streets, so this means that Anakin who grew up a slave and now still has to call people master to feels like he has no control has such he is a dom more specifically into breath play we know this because he likes to kill people by choking them, fun fact because Darth maul stabbed Qui-gon the way he did we can deduce he was important “
“What about me? What do I hic like ?”Ahsoka very drunk asked clearly not able to see she didn’t really want the answer to that question
« well you come from a species of carnivore hunter, you are basically a cat, and was then raised in a very strict non-violent cult, so you very much being able to go rough and get it rough, obi wan is constantly asked to be in charge so very much a sub, probably likes pegging, and Rex well he was trained to be an efficient unfeeling machine so what does he like?
« I don’t know rough? » rex Saïd falling asleep a bit
« No, you idiot he likes fluff all emotion and kissing and stuff »
« What about you what do you like? »
« How about I show you » she winks her broken eye and starts pulling off her shirt but pyro stops her puts her on his shoulder and brings her to her room
As they are left alone the four let the words of Beatrice sink in
Béatrice should never be allowed to meet Yoda …or Hondo! Thought obi wan
In Anakin, the dragon of his fear of death just slithered out to never be seen again
Be gay and do crime and get stupidly killed during it maybe she wasn’t crazy in proposing that plan thought Rex
I’m a cat purr purr purr, Ashoka, though
—-
A full week has passed since Beatrice has first been released from her pod
10 new soldiers have been put into isolation
Both breathing machines are in use
75% of the 501 now have a scar and use meme language
5 quick chip removal machines have been made
4500 copies of 300 years to find myself have been read
Béatrice is putting the final touches on the Jedi budget overall report
Anakin and Obi-Wan stand before holograms of the council
« I have assembled this meeting to tell you I’m sick, I have been sick for a while now and I can’t ignore it any longer once we are out of quarantine I'll go to a facility on coruscant until I’m better I’m renouncing my title as Jedi knight- he trembles as he unhooks his lightsaber from his belt and hands it to obi wan who receives it solemnly-till I’m better and once again worthy of it »
« I suppose there is no talking you out of this » Mace Windu said
Anakin only nods
« Who will take care of lil soka while you get treatment? » master Plo Koon asks
« I have already agreed to take her on since like that she won’t be masterless for a single day » obi wan says putting a hand on Anakin’s shoulder lovingly
« Nothing to discuss than there is »
Each hologram disappears one after the other, Plo Koon staying till the end before doing the same
—-
Béatrice was working on a monitor bringing the finishing touch to the document
« the Jedi order reform plan by Anakin skywalker, Ahsoka Tano and a random autistic girl » she narrated to a sleepy Ashoka
Ahsoka with sleep in her voice « your name should be first it was your idea and you did most of the work and it should be your actual name »
« but then it’s not in alphabetical order and gives me too much credit »
« if you say so » Ashoka said abandoning herself to sleep
The random autistic girl didn’t change a thing about the title before pressing print
As the document began printing suddenly the lights went red and an alarm began to Blair out, the power had gone out because the ship was being attacked
Ahsoka immediately stood up and grabbed both her lightsaber
« Get ready for a fight »
« Ahsoka I can’t fight I’m a terminal patient and I’m a civilian, fighting is not in the card for me -she stopped thinking then realization set in her face- and neither can the sick who if they were to be released could end humanity if not all species »
Ahsoka looked in horror at the woman whose skin was so pale she had a ghostly glow
« Yep this is an escort mission I’m afraid » Beatrice said trying to ease the tension As she put on her leg
They walked carefully towards the med bay
They dodged quite a few blaster bolts before entering the room
Beatrice immediately went to Jesse and Tup who now that the power was off their breathing machine wasn’t working, she began chest compression on Jesse « Ahsoka go get kix now! »
Ahsoka walked out determined to get kix back there
Kix walked in his back covered by Ahsoka who went away to deal with the crux of the battle as soon as this errand was done
« What do you need me to do? »
« I need you to declare them so I can use my energy elsewhere »
« Jesse time of death 18 o 5 »
« Tup Time of death 18 o 6 »
« F » she said before going to the other troopers who still had a chance
« theoretically what would be the correct dose of steroids for a man for the purpose of clearing infection and growing the lungs? »
« I don't need to explain to you all the risks that come with such a treatment plan » he said glaring at her
« We can’t keep them alive much longer without power it’s the only way I’ll do the injections and take all the blame, please the morgue doesn’t have space for all of them » she said when kix look into her eyes he could see all the times she saw bodies being piled up after what happened on earth
« 320mg should do the trick in theory » he said unlocking the medicine cabinet and preparing the troopers for the injections
She didn’t need to be told twice she injected all of them
As she injected the last one the power went back on, a spit in her face, still the troopers numbers were far better than prior to the injection and going up, some of them even waking up
She went back to Jesse or at least his corpse
She pulled out all the machine connected to him and put his hands on his stomach as she reached up to grab the opposing hand her bag stuck to him she unstuck it and looked into his pouch to find the other black magnet
« Oh that’s why you were so interested in war machine because you had his big black ball, you know maybe this is better, your heart couldn’t have endured infinity war »
She closed his eyes « f »
Just as quickly it’s like he never existed she went to a panel in the wall plugged herself in and put on the pirate of the Caribbean theme she said into the microphone that would send the song and her voice to the whole ship
« you hear that boys? It’s the pirate of the Caribbean theme and when it’s playing, nothing is impossible, give them hell boys! »
Upon hearing this pyro who was fighting next to master Kenobi, took Anakin's saber out of his belt held it over his head, and charged yelling
Needless to say, he ended up needing bacta
—-
The toydarian general had found the ship which warned to stay away for they had a virus on board, a virus that had the power to kill all the humans who seek to control the galaxy for themselves putting all other races down for their own benefit
He thus mounted an attack on the ship, first shutting down their power and next sending out 3 attack teams, one which would attack the ship from the outside, one which entered the main hangar bay to cause a distraction, and one who landed on top of the ship on hopes of removing the compartment with the infected humans
But of course, no one on the ship knew of this plan
Rex came rushing into the room where Anakin and Obi-wan were
« We are under attack! What do we do? »
« Don’t look at me I just gave up my Jedi position I’m a civilian » Anakin said looking smugly at obi wan
« Anakin , I get you are sick or whatever and I respect your decision fully but these are your men and this is an all-hands-on-deck situation »
« I’ll do my duty as a civilian and nothing more, I’ll go fix the power »
He said leaving the two men shocked and confused
—-
The power was back on the toydarian ship gone far away
Ahsoka had managed to capture a toydarian after making sure Béatrice was safe
But not before they could capture 5 infected troopers that were in the same cell
Now Obi-wan, Ahsoka, Rex, and Anakin had to question him and figure out where they were going to bring them
As they discussed how to get him to talk
Béatrice came in holding a thick stack of paper the papers were tied together with three little bows she handed the paper holding it up as if it was holy to obi wan
« Here you go the full report of how to fix the Jedi order’s finances » she pulled out a much smaller stack of paper and put it on top « and here are some possibilities for how to deal with all the younglings who won’t find a master because so many died during the war, I also began a blacklist thing but it’s nowhere near done »
They looked at her as she spoke she looked half dead
« Why do you speak as if the war is already over?” Obi-wan asked trying to quell his worry for her well-being
“ because as soon as we get to coruscant we are going to lift the curtain and it will all be over”
Obi-wan look at her eyebrows questioning
“F it if there’s mic the world probably going to end because the disease gets out anyway, Chancellor Palpatine is a Sith Lord and he has organized this entire war so that he could take complete control of the galaxy “ Ahsoka said exasperated at the situation they were in
“What the how do you” obi wan started before looking into Béatrice's eyes and a sudden realization came to him « Dooku said there was a Sith Lord controlling the senate…. I’m stupid … and that is a problem we will deal with as soon as we are done with this interrogation »Obi-Wan said clutching the papers in his hands before delicately putting them on a nearby table and looking at the monitor to the toys Arian interrogation room
They all looked down realizing that they all knew about Palpatine except obi wan who had been left out of the decision and the knowledge ever since Beatrice came onboard
“Hey chef” Rex intergested, he and the other trooper had begun to call Beatrice that ever since she took over the kitchen
She looked at him “yes” she had always wanted to be called chef but she didn’t feel she deserved the title
“ So you understand human psychology and manipulation right?”
“Yes I love being a manipulator” she answered trying to convey sass but desperately failing
“ how much of that could be transferred to other species?”
“Well given that most of the core principles are shared across all animals most of it yeah”
“Want to give it a shot” he said pointing to the interrogation room where the toydarian was
“ Sure can you give me all we know about toydarian “
Rex pulled out a holo tablet with a page on toydarians and gave it to her
She read the thing quickly making little yah noises every now and then
“I have a plan -she smack the tablet into Rex's palm who reflexively grabbed it- haha grasping reflex-she said pointing at Rex's clenched hand he flushed red- I’m going to need you all to go in there and question him in your own way as I get ready he needs to see me getting sent to speak to him as a Hail Mary”
With those words, she walked off
——
She came back an hour later cake and cutlery in hand
“Watch and learn boys” she said pointing to the security station with her chin as she entered
She put down the cake and cutlery on the table
“Ooh can I have some of that” the toydarian said pointing at the cake
“Cake is for talkers” she said as she moved behind him and pretended to shut down the camera in the corner
“I really don’t like being filmed makes me feel like bugs are crawling under my skin” she said before sitting down in front of the toydarian and cutting a big slice of cake for herself, she took a bite
“ so that’s your angle here you think I’ll betray them for cake, clearly you don’t understand toydarian “
“Nah I don’t think you’ll talk I don’t think anything will make you talk but hey they wanted me to come here and talk to you and it’s a good excuse to shove my face with cake”
He watched her stuff her face
“You know by the time you finish that cake it will already be too late the disease will have spread through the human population and you won’t be able to stop it “
She swallowed a bite before cutting him a small piece of cake
“ Oh, killing all humans! Can’t say I disagree with the results you are trying to achieve although coruscant might not be the best to spread a disease that is transmitted through water droplets and not air, although you couldn’t have known that fact when you attacked us, good try though “
The toydarian barely noticed the cake in front of him
“Good thing we are going to a water planet, those colonizers will pay for what they did to the gungans “
She cut him another slice of cake
“ yeah I was wondering when the gungans were finally going to try and seek revenge or at least try and get respect and an apology from the humans who claim themselves Naboo despite only being parasites of the planet”
“The anti-human movement has a base in the mountains we will be able to contaminate the water by dipping the humans in the streams of water that feed the valley “
She finished her slice of cake and cut one more slice for him before grabbing the rest of the cake and simply walking out
Outside the room they had been watching her on the monitor their mouth hangs open, how did she do that?
They looked at her as she exited the room She bowed dramatically before putting her mask back on
“Are you a witch?” Rex asked in shock
“Yes, I am indeed a woman in total control of herself” she put on w.I.t.c.h and danced away
“Wait we need to talk,” obi-wan said running after her
——-
Obi-wan caught up to the dancing woman grabbing her wrist which she quickly shook off and took two steps away from him
“You and I are going to coruscant while the 501st goes to Naboo to take care of the virus we need to tell all of this to the council and take the sith down”
“Come closer «
Hé took one step forward
« Closer »
He took another step
« Closer »
He now had his ear right next to her mouth
« You are not my supervisor!! » she yelled into his ear he recoiled putting his hand on his ear
She coughed and coughed she couldn’t catch her breath
She didn’t stop, Obi-Wan got over his shock and looked at her concerned not knowing what to do he tried to hold her but she waved him away with her arm as blood started to cover the inside of her mask she ran away
Obi-Wan used his comm to order the ship to enter hyperspace and go to Naboo immediately
——-
On the bridge Rex, obi wan, Ahsoka and Anakin are discussing plans for the operation ahead how they would prevent the contagious troopers from spreading the virus, how they would protect themselves, and how to deal with the forces that were waiting for them
Béatrice came in she was in a wheelchair her movement was very ineffective, clearly, she didn’t know how to use one her prosthetic was off her pant leg tied in a knot, and she was somehow paler than she was previously, and her mask was off giving everyone a good look at her bony face, she was holding a drawing pad and a pencil
She held it up, showing a page in which she had written « I'm alive bitches »
Has she held it up they could see that a belt with a lock prevented her from ditching the wheelchair, they all guessed it was Kix, take care of yourself or I'll kill you myself, who had the key
« How are you? » Anakin asks looking at her eyes now the little bit of the blown cornea was connected by strands of blood
She looked down at her pad wrote something and held it up, it read
Thanks for checking in I’m still a piece of garbage
They giggled a bit nervously
« Well since you are alive you could help me warn the civilians of theed about the virus and the fighting in the mountains up above them, what do you say? Team civilian? » Anakin said trying to cut the tension
She wrote once again a grin on her face, clearly not as worried as the other about her health, I guess knowing you are dying will do that to you
She held the paper it read « are we going to do that the smart way or the stupid way? »
« The stupid way? » Anakin asks
Béatrice start drawing she makes a hand movement to encourage the others to keep on with their plans while she did so she held it up on it was:
Now they all chuckled at that
« Smart we go and speak to the queen way, please just write a speech explaining the disease for the queen »
——
Anakin and Beatrice landed in theed Anakin helped her out of the ship as they watched the others land in the mountains
She handed him a piece of paper with the speech he had asked for
Then she held up her drawing pad: anyway I'll leave the queen to you I’m going shopping
Before wheeling straight into a lamp post before backing up and going out into the streets
Anakin sighed remembered Beatrice's last spoken words and just let her go before heading over to the palace
There instead of meeting the queen like he expected he found Padme she looked distraught something had happened to the queen and, he realized he still had his mask on not exactly a reassuring sight
« Anakin? What are you doing here ? Last I heard your ship was in quarantine… »
He handed her the paper before he started explaining all that had happened since they rescued that autistic child
——-
The battle had ended and obi wan and Ashoka came to the palace to give their report on the events to the leader of theed
They were surprised to find senator Amidala was the one in charge but they weren’t surprised to see Anakin on her arm
« Where is the queen? »
« We don’t know we think she may have been captured I thought she might have been in the facility you just raided »
« We looked over the compound and found no cells »
She bit her lip shaking her head, she was worried
« Hey, do you know if I could meet your anti-democracy virus bringer stowaway? »
« Anakin where is she? »
Anakin shrugged but suddenly he remembered how bad her health was, she could be unconscious or dead out there on the streets his eyes grew wide
« She said she wanted to go shopping... I didn’t stop her, cause I’m not her supervisor… I’ll comm the troopers to search the streets for her » and he did exactly this
Sometime later a few troopers came in wheeling her in and holding various shopping bags, Béatrice was slowly massaging her chest
She showed off her paper that read: don’t worry about me just having a mild cardiac attack, what woman worth her salt can’t work through that?
They all gave a disapproving look
She ripped out a piece of paper and handed it to Ahsoka who was right next to her
Ahsoka read out loud: I bought supplies for the kitchen. Please go and check to make sure they aren’t ripping me off. Make sure that it is the quantity I asked for and the right quality. You remember my lesson on meat quality, right? Also please give the guy an If this is cut with cement power I’ll come back and chop you into a brunoise look
She looked up from the paper and looked at Beatrice « I sure will but I’ll bring Anakin he is really good at mean stares »
Béatrice gave her a thumbs up and Anakin and Ahsoka walked out followed by a few clones
Padme walked towards Beatrice and started pushing the wheelchair Beatrice gave her a very venomous stare( don’t push wheelchair users without asking first)but she kept on pushing her into the corridor obi wan following them
« So why are you anti-democracy? » Padme asked brow furrowed
She started writing and Padme put her head right over her shoulder trying to read what she was writing but Beatrice used her hand to push the head away clearly she was not enjoying this burst of her personal space
She kept on writing looking pissed
She handed Amidala the piece of paper before she started writing again
Padme read the page: I’m not anti-democracy I’m anti-representative democracy alias oligarchy hiding as democracy
It skipped a few lines before adding: today in town while walking I saw 3 broken street lamps, 8 potholes, 3 homeless persons, 9 tags, and 5 different missing pet posters, do you know what streets I walked down
The senator looked up and said «: no I do not how could I know where broken street lamps are? » Beatrice had just finished what she was writing and gave it to Padme
As Padme began reading Beatrice put her hands in the wheels causing her finger to get caught in because Padme was still pushing, she opened her mouth as if to scream but no noise came out, obi wan who had been walking along the two women noticed, and stopped Padme from pushing any further Beatrice gave him a thankful look before putting her hand back to the wheels trying to turn the wheelchair towards the garden obi wan helped her with that too
Padme began reading as Beatrice looked at the garden seemingly in a trance
Obiwan comm beeped, he didn’t notice it
« If you truly knew what your people needed, if you weren’t so stuck to your throne of privilege » Padme was mad but nevertheless she continued « you’d know where those are, and instead of wearing a dainty dress, and having spent 3 hours with several servants, which let's admit are just slaves with extra steps, to do your hair you’d be out there in practical clothes fixing what is wrong in the city except you don’t you claim to represent the people of Naboo to the senate but you are so removed from them you have no idea what they need or want, how can you represent them without being them? You are part of an oligarchy and this needs to stop, or your world will suffer the same fate as mine, anyway what I really wanted to tell you Is love is not enough »
Béatrice was unbothered by the internal conflict she had caused in Padme and yet obi wan could sense great pain in her he put his hands on her shoulders and was able to see what she saw in the beautiful garden
In the middle of the garden he sees this girl doing the plank she has beautiful curly brown hair and full round cheeks, he realizes it’s Beatrice before the accident His eyes move down her body to see a huge piece of metal in her stomach from her rib to her pelvis that comes out both end, scratch the earlier statement this is Beatrice during the accident, her leg is in bad shape a mess of tissue barely holding
Suddenly a scream the same voice that yelled « you’re not my supervisor » a few hours ago is right now in this scene yelling « no! No ! Lady ! Please no! You’ll » he looks over to where the voice is being sent he see a woman covered in shrapnel despite Beatrice’s pleas she starts to pull out those pieces of shrapnel causing massive bleeding she bleeds out in an instant
Suddenly there’s a man in a yellow tattered shirt, we can see his column vertebrae sticking out of his back Beatrice is trying to get him to stay calm as a paramedic works on them, Beatrice looks into the bag of the paramedic to grab something, there’s an explosion and a shard of glass is sent directly into her left eye
Obi-Wan cannot watch anymore, he sends a positive wave toward Beatrice, and she calms down
The images of the accident are replaced by the steps to making a good macaron, she reaches a hand to the railing poking it as you would a macaron to test its quality
Padme looks at the scarred hand doing this strange motion
« How did you get those scars? »
Thé concerned start writing
She hands over the paper it reads
« I had a French chef as a mentor, which means whenever I would mess up he wouldn’t be afraid to use corporal punishment, such as taking my hand and holding it to the piano for a full minute, I don’t mind that it happened though, burning off my nerve endings makes it so now it’s easier for me to work sugar if there is one thing I can wish for everyone is that they find something they are passionate enough about to burn their nerves for »
Before anyone can react to those words
Grievous accompanied by a deployment of clone barge in through the ceiling obi wan immediately puts himself in front of the two women pulling out his lightsaber ready to deflect any shot in their direction Beatrice starts clutching her chest, clearly, a surprise attack is not what you need when you are already in cardiac attack
Padme tries to get Beatrice out of the wheelchair so she can do chest compression and help her but Kix put a really good lock on it Padme pulls a knife out of her dress and starts cutting as blaster bolts get deflected, she is halfway through to cutting it when obi wan force pushes her into the wall and away from a projectile, obi wan runs to her and the enemy take this opportunity to grab Beatrice and make their escape
Obi-wan comm beeps this time he answers
——
Anakin and Ahsoka arrived at the ship and got greeted by the delivery man he was bringing all kinds of food supplies they double checked the shipping manifest
Ahsoka was really surprised by how low the cost was despite the amount she’d have to ask Beatrice how she did it
They received a communication from the ship
There was a ship claiming to be from the earth and to have a cure for the COVIDX36 and asking to dock
« Let them dock make sure you great them Rex, we are coming soon »
Anakin gave the delivery guy a mean stare
« Oh I almost forgot for such a big order I give gift here » the delivery guy gave them a box of oranges before going on their way
—-
Rex went to the hangar where the ship (I need a synonym please) just docked in full armor he was ready for a fight this could be a trap
Troopers' blasters at the ready surrounded the ship as the ramp came down
Out of the ship came out a blonde woman with a tight ponytail bright red lipstick and wearing full camo gear accompanied by a small man wearing a black shirt that said « stop war » and thick black glasses
Arrived in front of Rex she waited for him to talk first
« I understand that you have a cure for the disease we are afflicted by? »
They looked shocked the man almost falling over in shock
« So you're telling me that the aliens from the other side of the universe… speak English… »
His face was completely broken
« Well that makes things easier, yes we do please point us to your medical facility so we may duplicate our doses of vaccine for your need and organize the injection process » the woman said sternly while putting a comforting hand on the man’s shoulder
Rex made a hand motion so the troopers would holster their weapons which were followed
And a man in a yellow shirt came out the ramp with a cart with all types of vials and medicine and a centrifuge
The woman spoke « I’m France I’m in charge of the initiative -pointing to the little man- this is new Zealand our translator and - she pointed at the guy in the yellow shirt- this is amé »
The pointed cut her off « I’m yellow shirt, I take care of the drugs, could you guide me to your facilities also could I meet patient zero I have a lot of questions »
« I’m captain Rex nice to meet you your help is greatly appreciated » he said removing his helmet
New Zealand had a look of recognition and smiled a bit before shaking himself and going back to his neutral expression
Yellow shirt and his cart were guided to the med bay by a few troopers
« Beatrice told us that all the people of earth were dead or dying when she left, so we were quite shocked to receive your transmission »
« Beatrice? »
« patient zero she… »
Rex was cut off by new Zéland who was rubbing his forehead « you know what I think this discussion requires sitting down »
Rex was shocked, because of his rank no one ever cut him off, still he shook it off
« right, follow me »
——
In a small conference room, they take seats just as Anakin and Ahsoka dock and join them
« Welcome to our galaxy, I’m Anakin skywalker and this is … »
« You’re… you’re Anakin skywalker » new Zélande eyes go wide and he taps France shoulder repeatedly clearly fanboying
France made new Zealand look into her eyes
« Who » she asks drily yet still with a smile
« Flipping Anakin skywalker, Jedi knight, general of the 501st.. »
« Who »
He looks down sadly
« some character from Star Wars which we must forget because it is an allegory for the nazi whose memory we are trying to run away from »
France gave him a nod
‘’permission to fanboy for a minute?’’
‘’granted’’
and so for a minute new Zealand ran almost vibrating yelling things like look at her this is Ahsoka freaking Tano! this is rex ! they are so cool, this is my dream
after that minute he cleared his throat before sitting back down
France spoke up ‘’so tell us what you know about the earth and this Béatrice woman, we will try and fill in the blanks’’
Anakin started ‘’ Béatrice told us about dirty bombs’’
new Zeland: yes there was a terrorist attack at a pride event, two of the 11 bombs were radioactive, continue
Anakin: this awoke a virus of some kind
France: 2 years prior we had an international virus going around, covid-19, everyone caught it at one point or another, and the dormant virus strand in the victims mutated and became covidX36, named after the radioactive component of the bombs
Ahsoka: while everyone was dying around her after she unplugged her brother, she enrolled in a program to use her own body as a warning for other civilizations across the universe so they wouldn't make the same mistakes
new Zealand: I think I saw an article about this program, I thought it was fake, looks like I was wrong, I should have known they had to test the cryo pod before sending us
France: after that, we found a cure for the new strand and got the radiation into relative control, but out of the 8 billion humans that used to live on earth only 3,5 billion remained, spread across the world and forever scarred, we are the snow initiative
new Zealand: why is snow white? Because it has forgotten its original color
France: the plan is to relocate a group of humans away from the earth, away from all the reminders of our sins, of our mistakes. so we may have a chance to rebuild, to truly rebuild, and not be stuck in the pull of our mistakes
at that moment yellow shirt guy comes in in a panic
‘’We have to get everyone out of cryo right now!’’
‘’what why?’’
‘’I saw the analysis on what caused Béatrice’s pod to malfunction, and it will happen to all of the pods, but we won't have a warning like with hers since we didn't use oxygen in the pods’’
‘’why would that matter and what went wrong’’
‘’Our body can detect carbon dioxide but not lack of oxygen, they'll die before understanding what is happening. The systems are malfunctioning because we not only travelled through space but also time, hundreds if not thousands of years into the past’’
“ go quick, boys go get them out’’
the two earthmen ran off followed by Rex
Anakin tried to comm Obi-wan but he didn't answer
‘’ what are we going to do? we can't travel through space without cryo, we don't have light-speed engines we will all die of old age before we get anywhere’’ France said half to herself
Anakin opened his mouth to answer when two of the troopers who were charged with putting Béatrice’s shopping into its correct spot came charging in one was holding a tiny little pink key-looking thing it had googly eyes on it, the other a piece of paper folded in thirds
‘’ This was taped to her wall and pointed at by 3 large red arrows, I think it's important for us to read it’’
‘’It was in the freezer on top of some box it says for Anakin, you should probably read it or something’’
with that, both troopers immediately ran off after putting the items on the table
Anakin took the little pink key turning it on his finger he looked at France ‘’you know what this is?’’
‘’yeah it's a USB key, I can text New Zealand to bring a computer and we can all look at what is on it’’
she pulled out her phone from one of her many pockets and started typing till a swish noise came out of the phone
as they waited for the fanboy Anakin took the letter angling himself so no one else could read the letter he started to read his eyes were halfway down the page when New Zealand came in open computer on his forearm
‘’look everyone is fine, disaster averted’’
he put the computer down showing a camera feed of the earthling just hanging out on the ship as they waited for a plan to be made
France looked relieved but still, she stuck the USB key in the computer opening the files on it
in the order they could see: a folder named for the Jedi council, a word document named speech for the senate, a video named testimony for kaminoans, a word document simply named f its size was impressive, a folder named phone and a pdf named ‘’dernière volonté et testament’’
France opened the for the Jedi council folder and started playing the video that was the first thing in the folder
the video showed Béatrice back when she still had hair, said ‘’I'm recording this my dying words, if you are listening to this I am dead, this is for the Jedi council and only for the Jedi council, I believe should the content of this video be heard by the wrong ears it would lead to thousands of deaths’’
France stopped the video we could see the video was two hours long, she diminished that window under the video were various things, one named order 66, one exegol, one named Dooku, one named chancellor
new Zealand smiled ‘’ she really recorded herself ranting off Palpatine's evil plan all while providing proof, I love her style’’
Anakin commed Obi-wan again this time he answered
an obi-wan hologram pops up from the comm on Anakin's arm Obi-wan starts explaining how Béatrice got kidnapped
yellow shirt came in carrying two syringes he quietly asked Ahsoka if he could inject her with the vaccine he started disinfecting the injection site when he looked at the screen his eyes went wide
‘’who is that? why is that woman there?’’
France frowned but put the image on fullscreen
‘’it's Béatrice aka patient zero’’
‘’Béatrice is… the woman with glass in her eye, the woman who saved me during the terrorist attack, where is she now!’’
obi-wan recognized the man from the vision ‘’ she …got kidnapped we don't know, I'm coming to you with Padme we will figure out a plan’’
France gave yellow shirt a gentle hug
new Zealand opened the dernière volonté file reading it while yellow shirt gave Anakin and Ahsoka their shots
France read over his shoulder
Obi-wan and Padmé entered, being quickly put up to speed on the situation
France wandered over to the phone folder, quickly finding find my phone and thus the location of Béatrice…
‘’you said she was in cardiac arrest when grievous took her?’’
‘’yeah it was a long time coming her hair had fallen out, her skin got pale, and she could no longer speak, I think she thought she would die on Naboo’’
‘’well I found the location of her body and by extension grievous’’
she showed the screen, it showed that Beatrice's phone was on utapau, in the debts of it
‘’that's good to know but if she is already dead might as well concentrate our effort on the living, the content of that drive needs to go to coruscant and be seen by the council as per her wishes’’ Obi-wan said
the earthlings stayed silent France looked deep in thought as she went back to the dernière volonté and then the face of Béatrice on that video
‘’I'm also in favor of going to coruscant I have to report the situation with grievous, the queen, and the insurgent cell to the senate’’ Padmé said
‘’Kix has some devices to remove the clones' mind control chips, now that it's safe for us to go to coruscant we should really get them there so we can start removing them from the whole GAR’’ Ahsoka said
Anakin spoke upholding the letter ‘’ Béatrice wouldn't want us waiting to send that information, as we speak Palpatine may already know we are on to him, and we need to get there as fast as possible, as such I propose, that I, Obi-wan, Padme, and kix take a small ship and go there quickly’’
‘’I thought you were a civilian what would be the purpose of you going, Anakin?’’ obi wan said in a sarcastic tone
‘’ The purpose is that Béatrice arranged for me to stay in a facility there, going so far as to prep me a thing called a bento box for every day I’ll need to stay in the mental institution, before I’m better and that if I wait too long to go they’ll give my spot to someone else’’ Anakin said sadly looking at the letter
France went out of thought
‘’ Meanwhile, the snow initiative will go to utapau and recover Béatrice’s body and as per her last wishes, capture, not kill grievous, which will also in turn allow us to be in good graces with the governing body here, which is important since now we are stuck here so might as well make the neighbors happy before we take a small unhabittated planet and refuse for anyone to visit us’’
her two companions nodded at that
‘’ill tell the 501st to get ready to fight on utapau’’ Ahsoka said seeing the determination in France’s eyes
‘’Are you sure you are ready to lead such a mission young padawan?’’ obi wan asked
‘’well we can't exactly let them just float along the galaxy to die so we have to accompany them, and I don't think it would lead to much to try and convince them otherwise’’
—---
and so Anakin, Padme, Obi-wan, and kix went off in Padme's ship toward Coruscant while on the bridge Ahsoka and Rex were trying to figure out a battle plan with these new allies who fight in a completely different way from them
‘’ so you don't want armor? sure they are not to your bodies spec but a badly fitting armor is better than nothing’’
‘’ This is not nothing, this is kevlar it can protect from projectiles and blades’’
A snower comes in and says move I’m gay before trying to push a trooper blocking the way to a computer terminal, but the trooper who is in top shape doesn’t move, the snower tries again repeating the same phrase again the trooper remains unphased
Again he says move I’m gay but this time he decides to put his whole shoulder into it, just so happens that this time the trooper decides to go along and move thus the snower falls right into the computer, but still he manages to rapidly connect himself into the system to be a good techno acolyte for the mission
‘’ so Rusky you'll protect the medic team as they recover Béatrice’s corpse as well as any other prisoners’’
Rusky a stereotypical Russian man, with hair to his shoulder, a 2 o clock shadow, and a muscly build says
‘’так что ты поручишь мне полностью обученного шпиона, который возглавит миссию по сопровождению, такой глупый план может придумать дочь проститутки’’
new Zealand gets ready to translate before being interrupted by France
‘’ might I remind you that it is rude not to speak in the language of our hosts, also that since Russian culture is well documented since it was never invaded, and that we already have a sample of your DNA, I see no problem with simply spacing you if you don't follow orders’’
‘’is now a good time to mention he also insulted your mom?’’ new Zealand says obviously enjoying the rivalry there
‘’ yes my mom sold her body, but she did so to give me the kind of education that makes it so I now outrank you, what did your Russian spy of a mom ever do for you ?’’ she says with a smug grin
rex and Ahsoka share an exasperated look
—-----
Rusky is leading yellow shirt down a hallway, and the others in the group helping out a group of slaves get out they arrive at a door
‘’according to the app this is where she is, ill need you to carry the body since my back injuries prevent me from carrying anything more than 5kg without my whole body breaking’’ yellow shirt
says
of course, Rusky didn’t listen to any of that for he saw grievous running past being followed by Ahsoka, various earthlings and trooper, and he wasn't about to let any of them take the glory of that capture and so he ran forth shooting blindly and leaving his companion alone
swearing under his breath he opened the door
…that … that was a head …a decapitated head right at his feet a head with creepy white makeup and a dot on her cheek… the queen of Naboo's head, with all his will he pulled his look away from it
there in front of him, he saw a guillotine, from which the queen’s body was still attached in the same direction as the head there she was, Béatrice, he ran over
quickly he assessed her she was unconscious, not breathing but he could feel a very faint pulse, and her hands were red, out of the corner of his eye he saw the rope tied to the guillotine’s blade
he knew what he was about to do was all kinds of wrong, but he told himself he had no other choices, so he pulled out some vials of pills, forced her jaw open, and gave her the drugs ( i don't condone drugging people, nor mixing medication)
it took a minute but Béatrice woke up, in a blind rage, she pushed him away stood up grabbed the head by the hair, and ran into the hallway towards the fight
Grievous had been captured, he was being towed toward the ship by Ahsoka and a few troopers as the others were killing off the stragling clankers
Béatrice used the head to bash droids, France saw her visibly grossed out by the action
‘’hey du calme putain, tout va bien on a la situation sous controle’’
Béatrice’s head snapped toward France she dropped the head and then jumped her she began just punching and clawing and kicking, yellow shirt came in running after her
‘’whoa easy there, let her go’’
‘’french’’ she declared before finally letting go, having released some aggression she got much calmer
—--
on the ship's bridge, rex finished his report on the mission he looked over at Béatrice who was jumping up and down which was causing her leg to squeak clearly bursting with energy in the room were both troopers and earthlings
‘’so I get that you all just want to party and celebrate our victory but, I need answers’’
‘’ ask away, but know that I will answer all questions so only ask things you want the answer to’’
« So you talked about clones' brains and bodies being messed up, right? »
a few of the scientists snowy stood to attention
« Yeah that was a while ago you had plenty of time to ask about that earlier, but please ask the exact question you want me to answer’’
‘’how messed up?’’
‘’well you grew up so fast as you know you still have infant reflexes, you also never got an actual childhood so no Oedipus complex-’’
rex cut her off with a sign of the hand
‘’what's that’’
‘’oh it's when little boys want to marry their mom and kill their father, it's because of the sudden discovery of feelings and stuff, it ends when you realize women don't have penises so you come to the reasonable conclusion that if you misbehave your junk will be cut off and thus you start identifying with the same sex parent and distancing yourself from the other’’
‘’and that's healthy?’’
‘’according to the cocaine-addicted man who invented the field of psychology, yes’’
‘’keep going’’
‘’all you know is war you have no none combat skill, so now that you don’t have a war to fight in you'll be washed up, clones aren't actually infertile because the kaminoans are not only reckless immoral scientists, they are also morons, and I don't need to explain the problem with changing the gene pool this way, I already explained the whole too many men problem, oh and yeah if you aren't in pain now, soon you will get all kind of pains and skin issues because when cloning you don’t use full DNA because the telomeres of an adult are already degraded and thus without this information that would normally be contained in those DNA strands your body can't really function, basically it's like you were born with the body damage of a … how old was Jango? , you get my point add that to the fact that there are many of you and thus hospitals cannot take in that many all at once, and yeah, pretty damn messed up’’
the scientists all nodded in agreement
‘’ so what's the solution’’
‘’honestly-she looks down unable to look at him as she says it- if this situation was only on paper if I didn't meet you, id say the kindest thing would be euthanasia, I mean at least like that no one would suffer’’
more nods from the scientists
rex looking up for he was reciting a line from Béatrices book
‘’I was 5 years old, legs covered in bruises in awful pain and I realized that I wasn't alone in my pain, everyone is always in pain, if not in physical pain then definitely in psychological pain to be alive is to be in pain and by enduring physical pain I was preventing myself from having psychological pain, it was my choice to hurt’’
‘’ If your choice is to accept the pain then the plan remains, to be gay and do crime increasing your chance of dying young while having freedom and fun’’
the scientists take a time to think
‘’ sociology agrees’’ says one
‘’psychology agrees’’ says another
another takes a bit more time than says
‘’genetics also agrees, but please as one of your early crimes please kidnap a psychologist or two you guys will need the help’’
psychology immediately pulled out a knife and backed out of the room holding it in front of her face
‘’well that was all my questions, guess now you'll show us how to party’’
‘’hell yeah! ‘’ yellow shirt said leading the way out of the room
‘’well start this party where all good parties end, the kitchen’’
—-
Under the supervision of Beatrice who was lying on the hot table that separated the mess hall from the kitchen, several troopers and snowers got busy making all types of food, enough of it for the whole GAR,
“Common troopers we are going to need this food to convince everyone to come to get their chip removed!-she looked at dogma who was assembling ingredients in front of him- and Dogma if you over mix that brownie batch, making them caky rather than fudgy and decadent I’ll force feed you the whole batch and than eat your enlarged liver”
Several snowers, mostly Francophones made an mmm sound, Dogma had a terrified expression, and moved much more carefully as he continued working
Still, there was music there was dancing, and everyone was getting drunk it was a great party some notable things that happened during the party include :
Drunk calls Cody to find out about the bad batch only to have to explain the whole situation with earth, the snower, and the chip while being completely drunk. Let’s just say he retreated every unit from the field with the promise of free food to coruscant because he needed units to keep the 501st from destroying said planet once they arrived.
Fives twerking in nothing but cut-off blacks, right in front of France to try and whoo her only for her to grab his face with her hand make him look straight in her eyes, and say “ this is a great display it might have worked if I weren’t a raging lesbian” to which fives answered with a confused expression « you’re a lesbian? I thought you were french? » which got everyone laughing
Yellow shirt: you know I bled on Quebec soil doesn’t that make me one of you? Please I’m ashamed of my country »
Béatrice: by spilled blood is a French thing despite their claims they are the ones obsessed with blood rituals, not us, but if you want I could make you a québécois
France: you say a lot of shit about the French but last I checked you’re the only one of us that decapitated a monarch
Béatrice lunged forward to France she put both hands on her shoulders and forced her head into the wall behind her
France: too soon?
Béatrice: Yeah, 2h is too soon !
Yellow shirt: so what would it entail?
Béatrice: study up in an hour I’ll ask 35 questions about Quebec and you need to be able to answer them
Which he was able to and was as such named Jaune Quebec, by the power of the maple syrup in Beatrice’s veins, it is important to note that she was very much high on cocaine
A very drunk captain Rex exclaimed: so like if you guys traveled in the past doesn’t that mean that the earth is still good and we can go and save it like Béatrice did for us?
Jaune: there is nothing to save! Earth is going to survive, we humans don’t deserve saving we are not doing this whole exile thing for ourselves, we don’t deserve it! We are doing this for the embryos!
France who was holding her liquor surprisingly well: there is no fixing earth because it’s not a story of a single bad guy manipulating everything it’s the story of every one of us including waking up every day and making all the wrong decisions because doing the right thing as become so complex that we no longer can tell right from wrong, we don’t deserve saving but these embryos we brought and will carry have done nothing wrong and they deserve a chance that’s why we brought ourselves away from earth
Fives: carry?
As he said that he noticed that most of the snowers were women, black women to be precise and he understood they don’t have artificial wombs they are going to use their bodies to incubate the new humanity
Fives pointing at a group of snower men: then what are they for
France: we acknowledge that there is wisdom and beauty in the culture and knowledge of the different countries and professions, as such, we took one of each profession and country of origin, sadly women are often unable to be confident enough in their ability to claim themselves as an expert thus we are stuck with those guys
A man from the group spoke up: I’ll have you know I am the best astrophysicist and I was the best even before the apocalypse I got many awards!
A woman, the geneticist from earlier: we both know those awards are rewarded by men to men and that men refuse so much as to call women doctors you aren’t shit!
The astrophysics try to speak up but stopped himself sitting himself down at a table and looking dejected
Beatrice came up to him she made a hologram of Mandalore pop up on a datapad alongside a bit of text: gift
She said giving him the datapad
He looked at the data in front of him before declaring: I accept this challenge before taking a bottle of vodka and grabbing a few people with him away into another part of the ship
Rex looked shocked at the exchange: what .. what did you give him free realm to do and with what authority
Beatrice clearly not understanding how her actions of giving a planet might be interpreted: he’s an astrophysicist, and their kind loves terraforming
Jaune: you do understand how wrong it is for a white person like you to say their kind about a Japanese man right
Beatrice: he’s Japanese?
Jaune: please tell me you at least could make out he’s Asian
Beatrice: I truly cannot, my brain is broken you’ll even be able to prove it once you dissect my brain as per my wishes for my body to be used for science
Jaune: …. Anyway this song is my jam
——-
They arrived in coruscant
Béatrice came out of her room wearing yellow colored contact lenses, maroon lipstick, and a black-haired wig, she wore a very low-cut maroon top that revealed her breast which was clearly padded to look fuller, and a nice black skirt, she looked like some kind of very hot sith
Beatrice: to go kill a Sith Lord
France coming out of another room but understanding the moment: to go procure a planet for the inhabitants of earth
Rex similarly: to go free my brothers from mental control
Fives: to go get more alcohol
Béatrice gave him a high fives
And they all walked out of the ship and into coruscant
——-
The council had just finished listening to all Beatrice had left on the USB key, it was a whole lot of information but they understood that the first place to start was with killing Palpatine but how do you do that without repeating what happened in the movie? How to deal with the legal repercussions? Who could stomach taking a life this way?
Their thoughts were interrupted by Beatrice barging in, it took a while for them to recognize the women from the video in that getup, but they did somehow
Obi-wan: you’re alive ! how?
Béatrice: no time for questions I have a plan to kill Palpatine just follow me we have to be quick as soon as the drugs in my body wear off I’ll die
And she ran out
The council looked at one another before following
Outside they all piled themselves up in a taxi cab, Beatrice on the capo legs precariously hanging over the city
She began rambling and they understood that was her telling her plan in such a way as a mind reader couldn’t understand her
« so if you use one laser from one angle at max power it destroys the cells and kills the hosts, not just the tumor so the solution is to have multiple lasers come from every angle, and thus together the laser kills the tumor without killing the host »
Translation: everyone strikes Palpatine at the same time with their laser sword
« we all shall take a bite of the heart so none of them can keep their hands clean »
Translation: thus it is impossible to know who killed him thus no guilt
« Did you know when aroused human males get 10% less reactive and 20% less fast »
She pointed at herself
« You know there’s a rule in fiction where if you see a pretty window long enough to comment on it being pretty it will be destroyed » she said while tossing harnesses and pulleys to the Jedis
They arrived at the senate building they began to separate, Kit Fisto, mace Windu, and Plo Koon would go to the roof ready to come in through the windows
Beatrice pulled out a plate of cookies and a teapot ready to go in Kid Adi Mundi tried to take a cookie but she slapped his hand away « poison » she simply stated
She looked at obi wan « be my shadow » he simply nodded readily to follow her into the building
The other members would follow later to come in through the door
And so Beatrice held her head high and walked on in
——
She walked into chancellor Palpatine's office
« I think it’s about time you and I have a chat Darth Sidious was it? » she said depositing the plate and teapot on the desk and slowly sitting while showing off her cleavage in the chair opposite his
« how do you? Who are you? »
« Darth Furtado, I got to say I’m a big fan of what you’ve been doing with the republic » she said holding out her hand so he may kiss it
He didn’t simply brush away the hand
« It's impossible there can only ever be two siths who are you really and what do you want with me? » he was clearly a bit panicked
Béatrice made a hand movement and Obi-wan took it as his cue, he made the teapot move to fill the two cups, Sidious looked at the teapot move transfixed
«your plan is great don’t get me wrong, I love the whole creating a war to get the people in line and scared, but it has a few flaws I’d like us to discuss » she said grabbing a cookie and biting in it
He too grabbed a cookie and ate it looking intently at her cleavage
« well first off your obsession with Skywalker I mean I get that you created him with the force to be the perfect vessel for the dark side and things, but a sith is not born it is forged and he is a simp and that will both of you down »
« Simp »
« Someone who simply cares too much for those they like, you know it’s a catfisher dream to catch one of those because they are so easy to manipulate »
« which is what I’m doing with him »
« But see there is no limit to how many people a simp will simp for, but that is only one of my points of contention with your plan my other main one - she ate another cookie, which prompted him to do the same- is that because you were raised by alien filth, Darth Plagueis, you don’t know enough about humans to control them to the full extent »
« And I suppose I’ll have to give you something in exchange to learn how to control humans ? » he drank some tea and leaned in his chair ready to hear the proposal
She stood up grabbed a cookie and moved around the desk toward the window
« The view from this window is truly breathtaking, a truly beautiful window » she sat down on his lap and put half of the cookie in her mouth, and pressed her face to his prompting him to bite on the cookie, but before their lips could touch she bit down on the cookie and separated her face from his
« see the only way to control humans is the control the one thing they constantly think about » she reached over his desk for the tiny statue causing her to shift on his lap and feel his erection
She broke the statue with one hit on the side of the desk, revealing the lightsaber hiding inside
« See all humans think about is reproduction -while stroking the lightsaber- so nice and thick too bad you won’t get to use it »
She stood up and faced the window
On cue, the Jedis dropped in through the window obi wan used the force to shield Beatrice from the shards of glass and the others came in through the door
Béatrice jumped through the window
Plo Koon was scared by this he looked at where she jumped hoping to help her only to see that she was using her skirt as a paraglider showing off her pink panties with cupcakes imprints
——
While this was happening Jaune knocked on the door to Padmé’s pad
C-3PO answered
« Hi, I’m C3PO, human-cyborg relation, who should I announce to lady Amidala? »
« I'm Jaune but she might recognize me if you simply say, yellow shirt guy? Maybe? I have news of queen Jamaillia »
Padmé came in when she heard the name
« oh, you found her? She was with Beatrice oh! Is she safe? Can I see her? » she saw him and his face which twisted in a guilty expression and her cheerful face dropped
He rubbed his neck « we should sit down for this talk »
They sat on the couch
« so on utapau there were several prisoners, most of them are safe but in a separate room we found Beatrice and Jamaillia, Jamaillia had just been guillotined because Beatrice lost consciousness and could no longer hold up the blade hanging above her, queen Jamaillia Is dead »
Padmé Amidala gasped her eyes going wide but before she could shed a tear she snapped out of it
« Inconscient? She’s alive? »
« yeah so I was alone when I arrived in the room and I can’t carry any weight so when I realized she had a pulse I use all my pharmacist slash ex-drug dealer knowledge to get the body to move on its own … » he bit his lips trying to prevent himself from discussing the next thing that happened before Padme could question the expression
« So yeah she is here and she wants to try and give her speech the one on the USB key, that you probably looked at »
She opened the holo tablet that was still in her hand all this time it showed the very speech he was talking about
« Absolutely I had already planned to talk to the council trying and give that speech in my words but I’m sure it could be arranged, but could you answer one thing for me ?’’
‘’ask away’’
‘’what did Béatrice mean when she said love isn’t enough’’
“ well sorry if my interpretation of that is not exactly her own but rather tainted with my experience but for a relationship to work you need more than the chemical reaction we typically call love, you need trust and similar goals, and share and be honest and put in the hard work of collaborating and figuring it out through trial and error, and I know you hear that and you think she is saying break up with skywalker, which honestly wouldn't be the worst idea, but I think she was talking about your love for Naboo and its people, it’s not enough to love them, you also have to trust them’’
Padmé soaked in the words before starting to set up the senate meeting for Béatrice, she now understood what she needed to do for her people
———
Béatrice finally landed she looked around confused as she put her skirt back on
A twi’lek woman with red skin and a skimpy outfit, given how deep down Coruscant they were it was correct to assume she was a prostitute, saw her being confused
« Honey are you okay? Do you need help? »
Still a little dizzy from her flight Beatrice looked at her for a moment before looking back at the floor and doing breathing exercises to not throw up in between breath
« Where am I? The risk I took was calculated-deep breath- but boy am I bad at math »
« You’re on level 35, I think you fell a long way down - she handed a few credit to beatrice- here take this on the corner to your right there’s a taxi driver you can trust, just be safe » she put a gentle hand on Beatrice's shoulder and started to walk away but before she could go too far Beatrice now no longer dizzy held out Palpatine's lightsaber
« Gift »
The twi’lek woman took it with a smile not quite understanding what was given to her and Beatrice made her way to the taxi asking to go to the gar main hangar
——-
Beatrice had taken off her sith disguise going for a full black, mourning look, and was running …well not running her own weird version of running which required her to walk sideways and jump up both feet hitting one another in the air before propulsing her forward she past by a bench where Yoda was sitting she simply pointed at him and shouted
‘’ life is a soup and time has made you a fork’’
Yoda used the force to discreetly move a piece of paper in her path, causing her to slip and fall flat on her back
Yoda: okay there you are?
Beatrice while rubbing the back of her head: great now I have to stop and have a philosophy discussion with you
she sat on the bench next to Yoda head pointed up and eyes closed
Yoda: talk we should
béatrice: it's not really that life has dulled you down or anything, although learning the hard way that nothing is worse than being right too soon is the worst thing must not help, its that the world just changes too fast, not just for you for anyone and as you'll come to learn now that the snowers will bring my dad’s code which will revolutionize telecommunication is only going to get way faster as time goes on, morals can't be changed that quickly morals are meant to be strict and not changed constantly based on situations, they would not work if they were changing, but it also meant that with every change in what is morals generations are left unable to comprehend or accept the change, death to the old is the only way to prevent our dubious morals from existing forever
Yoda: my death you want
he clutched his cane thoughtfully
before she could answer Jaune walked by he simply sat in the lotus position in front of Beatrice
Beatrice looked at him giving him a nod before continuing
béatrice: it's not that I want to just kill you but–
Jaune: I want to see that! you got my permission to kill the weird green frog!
Béatrice chuckled a bit a that, while Yoda had a concerned expression sensing the darkness in Béatrice all while the light was dancing with that darkness
Béatrice: I need to scrape the bowl if I want me surviving me having to suffer like I have been since they took me out of cryo to have had a purpose of any kind, for me being forced to outlive everything I ever cared about, there needs to be a permanent change to the galaxy but if there are old people around change is impossible
.
Yoda: hindsight you have teach me you must
Béatrice: you are the first link in the disaster lineage, you took on Dooku as a padawan even knowing you didn't have time with your duties as grandmaster prevented you from properly caring for him, thus he became bitter and took his anger towards you, and generalized it into hating all aliens than he had a padawan Qui-gon who was so detached from reality, you'd have told me he was a stoner and id have believed you, I mean, Obi-wan wasn't ready to raise a kid much less a kid who used to be a slave and as so much trauma he definitely wasn't trained to deal with, hashtag maybe if you were actually trained in helping people rather than beating them with a stick maybe we could believe you are peacekeepers
Jaune laughed almost choking: defund the Jedi order!
Beatrice gave a small smile at that
Béatirce: how much time before I can talk to the senate?
Jaune holding out a small device: it will beep when we have to go
Yoda: led to the fall of the Jedi, the chain of events I started did
Béatrice: since we have the time lest discuss the most controversial part of the Jedi code, attachments
Jaune: oh! I know how this rant goes, it goes people need attachments if no attachments no
object permanence, you need love and care to grow and help others like they have been helped
Béatrice: you foolish mortal, you are absolutely wrong, the problem isn't their view on attachments, they are right in every moral quandary being attached to a person even just a fictional bond is enough to make 50 percent of people make the wrong call, sacrificing the many for the one. Do you know who did the right thing to get rid of this attachment issue that beings are susceptible to?
Jaune: theorist?
Béatrice: Hydra
Jaune made a shocked disgusted expression while Yoda looked up at her in curiosity
Béatrice: when a young hydra initiate begins their training they are given a puppy, they are to name, care and grow with said puppy and once the training is done before they are given their first mission they are to kill that puppy, thus proving that they are not weakened by their attachments and that they would never again make the mistake of getting attached, knowing how attachments always inevitably end.
Yoda: who are these Hydra?
Béatrice: they believe in bringing order to the world and they fight against people who want the world to stay in chaos, shield
Jaune: hydra are the bad guys in the MCU
Béatrice: yeah but here we consider those who represent order the good and those of chaos the bad, in every universe where there are sentients those two are at odds with each other because we are stuck in the beliefs of the past that those two are contradictions, even though if we stepped back let go of our preconceived notion we could see something else, something most droids see but we can’t
Yoda: which is it?
Béatrice: I dont know im only human, afterall
and the device beeped and Jaune and Béatrice made their way to the senate
—-----------
Béatrice stood in front of the senate her speech being filmed and broadcasted across the universe Jaune and Padmé by her sides
‘’Today I defeated chancellor Palpatine, the Sith Lord who with the help of his apprentice Dooku, organized the clone war, in a scheme to take over the galaxy. Now we could just say he was a bad egg and that this guy is the exception and simply trust that it won’t happen again or we, we the people we the engineers who only know that we know nothing, we the chefs who know the importance of a good meal, we the psychologists who know people are merely the product of their education, we the garbage men and janitors who face more dangerous situations than a Jedi or a soldier every day but still go to work for we do not wish that people be living in filth, we who all as civilians have our own wisdom, could make sure it never happens again. By being involved in those decisions that affect our everyday lives, and not simply through the current system which is our vote for one of many nearly identical candidates, and by us praying that they shall actually make good on their promises. But by directly making the decision with no more middlemen”
She began to cough a bit of blood falling from her nose before continuing
“ the system I’m proposing this true democracy would be easy to implement first we would shut down the republic, for it is a foolish mistake to try and have one place control all the others, tell me what do the people of Naboo know of the need and reality of those of Tatooine how can we make decisions on things we know nothing about? Plus as this war as showed us all centralized power does is exclude people, how many people has the republic let down simply because they were not part of their little club? I say no more, to each their own government like that no single person will ever control all the power like Palpatine did even if you don’t follow through with any of the other steps I propose
There was a ruckus in the crowd but Coruscant guards got them quiet
“So the system would be so simple, all citizens will be registered and 10 of those registered citizens, those people with common sense and live in the system, will be randomly selected by a random number generator to come in for a few hours to come in once a week and do the job the politicians are supposed to be doing coming in and discussing the issue the people, their neighbors, their kids, the people that they interact with every day and themselves are experiencing and discussing ways to solve those issues through, laws, programs and..”
She could not finish that thought as she began to cough uncontrollably blood leaking from every orifice in her face quickly Fox came up to her with a wheelchair but before carting her away he announced into the microphone
“While I’m here I’d like to announce that you guys don’t have to worry about us clones we will be stealing the ship most of us have been living in these past years and going in off to be gay and bring justice to the galaxy by bringing chaos such as killing the Hutts, stealing candy, breaking the banks and of course eating the rich’’
he broke a bottle by throwing it on the ground causing every clone to run away
Jaune started a chant ‘’ eat the rich’’ he said shaking his fist in the air
outside the building many others picked up the chant
‘’eat the rich’’
‘’eat the rich’’
‘’eat the rich’’
and then someone broke a shop window and everyone went ape shit, everyone running inside the senate building fighting for who will get to kill the worst politicians
—--------
meanwhile, at the Jedi temple, France is speaking to the Jedi council
‘’ so yeah we would appreciate the protection of a Jedi against Palpatine's supporters that will most likely come to us because of Béatrice’s actions, while we get settled on our new planet’’
‘’ any preference as to which Jedi you'd like to guard your settlement?’’ obi-wan said
from behind France, Japan the astrophysicist said
‘’ yeah, could we get that sexy blue-head-tail lady?’’
Mace Windu gave a confused look ‘’Aayla?’’
‘’yeah, her she hot can we get her’’
France pinching her nose ‘’ just because you said that no we are not getting her, you tentacle freak’’
there was a lot of confused look at that Kit Fisto was about to speak when France said
‘’please for the love of god don’t make me explain tentacle porn history’’
and he retreated on himself absent-mindedly stroking his tentacles
Yoda stood up and spoke up
‘’I nominate myself for this mission I'd like’’
‘’but you can't as grandmaster you have duties here you can’t just’’
‘’the plan left by Béatrice you will follow, my title I give up’’
France: alright then let's go
and so they walked off to go to their ship
—------
Béatrice is laying in a hospital bed receiving comfort care in her last moments, around her bed from left to right Rex, Ahsoka, Obi-wan, and Jaune
‘’Now you guys shut up and let me give my big dramatic dying speech okay?’’
everyone nodded accepting that this was the end
‘’Rex, please make sure my body is sent to Kamino and that it will be examined and that it will be carefully examined and studied so we can help others who get hit by radiation sickness, make sure my body is useful’’
rex nodded
‘’Ahsoka, you have the one brain cell of the whole Jedi order, please for the love of god use it, also remember pirates and sith lords are nothing compared to the evil of construction guys, you gotta harass them till they are on site and then you keep watching them, also make sure you get every information they tell you written so you can prove they are liers’’
‘’will do, I promise’’
‘’Obi-wan, please take care of Anakin it's not that you can't heal or get better without a support system, god knows I did it many times, it's just that it sucks, but more importantly, take care of yourself Obi-wan go out go and learn about your family learn where you come from so you can move forward, find out who you are without the order, just who is Obi-wan’’
all Obi-wan could do was stare at her, her who suffered so much he remembered the vision and the stories she told, who was now on her deathbed begging him to take care of himself, to find himself, he couldn't hold back a tear
‘’Jaune, do you remember what I told you that day?’’
‘’don’t die, if you die the terrorists win, and as such you saved me even though the drug dealer that I was didn’t deserve it’’ he answered holding her hand
‘’ it still applies, you are the last one of us victims of the attack, and you need to not only survive but you need to live and thrive, go on have kids and raise them to be intolerant of intolerance for that is the only way we will defeat the terrorists, not by killing them but by raising our children to be better than us’’ she started to cough her breathing becoming a wheeze but still, she pushed on
‘’and most important of all, all of you remember to dance, at least once every day, naked if possible because just letting your body move to the rhythm that way, it helps you remember why we keep on living’’
the monitors started to beep frantically , blood started to leak out of Beatrice's face, she exhaled in the last breath she called out ‘’Laurent’’ and then nothing, her face was blank of any expression, she was dead, it was bloody but it was also beautiful they all knew she was better off now
‘’f’’ Jaune said letting go of her hand
‘’who’s Laurent?’’ Rex asked while turning off the monitors and getting ready to move her
‘’Laurent was her brother, the only person she ever let herself be fully herself with, he died shortly before she went in cryo, I think she is now reunited with him in the force’’ she paused a moment before laying a hand on her body and saying ‘’f’’
—---
outside the room Jaune and Rex who was carrying the body met up with Rusky, Rusky hugged the former who hugged him back, he so desperately needed comfort.
they walked toward the hangar where the ship that would lead them to Kamino was waiting
‘’you know what you need comrade?’’ Rusky said
‘’some Russian bullshit’’
‘’vodka’’
‘’That's some Russian bullshit, I might be able to get behind’’
‘’come on guys we just had a big party and it's 9 am’’ Rex said
‘’ yeah but it doesn't matter what time it is, the war that it turns out was just a big scam just ended, the hero with no fear is currently under chemical contention, and an enormous revolt in the senate just killed so many politicians and civilians and we don’t currently have a proper casualty list, the clones just stole millions in military equipment while promising to go fuck shit up and to top it all up the last of the irreducible is currently a limp dead body in your hands, we can drink’’
‘’can’t argue with that logic’’
and so they boarded their ship leaving with everyone else into a galaxy that would forever change now that it was entering
THE CENTURY AFTER Béatrice