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Excruciatingly, it turned out even if you did end a note with a hopeful promise of not killing oneself if you write a suicide note and are caught by the only reason you haven’t killed yourself… Apparently said people are going to stage a full intervention, reading the note back to him, just to hear how it sounded to them... Afterwards, they sat for bells planning, of what it was they were going to do about the deteriorating mental health of the Warrior of Light. Finally agreeing that the hearers and chirurgeons within Stillglade Fane might be able to point them in the right sort of direction. In the end their advice was relatively simple. For now, at least. It seemed simple enough.
“You know you’d probably feel better about this whole thing if you… you know actually did what the chirurgeons told you to right”
“What do you mean? I am doin’ it”
“Lehkah they told you to talk to someone”
“Aye”
“This is not what they meant”
“We’re talkin’ ain’t we”
“Lehkah I’m 16”
“Aye”
“I’m not a therapist”
“With you so far”
“You need a damned therapist”
“...Who doesn’t?”
“By the… I’ll set Alphinaud on you”
“…”
“Right what kind of threat is that… Hmm, Urianger?”
“pfft”
“Wait! Wait no better idea”
“’Lisaie swee’hear’ none of the Scions scare me”
It was at this Alisaie got a smug look on her face, she leant forward and flicked the viera on the nose, causing it to twitch rapidly, before touching a finger to the linkpearl in her ear
“Tataru? It’s Alisaie”
“Wait”
“Yup, Plan B, what did you expect stubborn as an auroch”
“Twelve have mercy ‘Lisaie”
“Aetheryte in 10? No problem”
“Alisaie!”
“What?” she hummed innocently, like she didn’t know exactly what it was she was doing.
“Did you really have to involve Tataru?” he asked, biting his lip.
He was technically correct. None of the Scions scared him a lick, but Tataru Taru? That woman was something else entirely, a lalafell spawned from somewhere directly between Ul’dah’s markets and the Seven Hells.
“Nope, but you weren’t cooperating”
“I din’t realise Ms Taru was plan B”
“Well too bad because so is this”
Before Lehkah could mumble further protestation, Alisaie had grabbed her foil and put the hero to sleep. Sure, it was underhanded, but she had tried to play fair, but he wasn’t cooperating! Maybe it was skipping a few steps but if he could avoid talking at any cost chances are he would.
When Lehkah arose, he was somewhere he didn’t immediately recognise, partly from the disorientation caused by the spell. But also, in part because waking up with Tataru stood over you when you were over 6 fulms in height.
“Ah! You’re awake” she said with a chipper tone that belied the fact she had been complicit in what was ostensibly a kidnapping. Not that he expected any less of the Scion Clerk.
“Yes, if I ‘ad known ‘Lisaie was gonna knock me flat with one o’ ‘er fancy spellcrafts I wouldn’ta agreed to go with ‘er to the chirurgeons in Gridania…” he complained sarcastically. Which was when it clicked where he was, The Roost.
“Why Gridania anyways”
“It was closest, and you have full board”
“I have full board in all the city states. Forever.”
“Oh yes, then it was closest”
“…”
“Oh come on don’t pout”
“…”
“It wasn’t my idea either!”
“So let’s just say I spoke to ya, an’ we can piss off somewhere less… uh… Less”
Racist? Classist? Weirdly Exclusionary?
All better choices than what he settled on which was to raise an unseen eyebrow and say
“Green?”
“Lehkah Mal Solaeus and yes, I know your full name. You are blind. The colour of Gridania, however green it may be, is not an issue you by rights can have… and you are definitely pouting”
“Am not” came the sullen response.
“What did you expect? If Minfilia was still here I’m sure she would be the one to help you, but she’s not. Gods only know I need therapy and I’m the least fucked up of any of us”
Her tone was still alarmingly cheerful for somebody not only cursing but talking of a departed friend and needing therapy.
“What do you want from me.”
“To listen. You don’t get to write a suicide note and not expect your children to decide to get you help”
“It wasn’t a sui-“
“Like hells it wasn’t.”
Well maybe it was. But it wasn’t like he was planning anything particularly, just that he didn’t expect to live much longer, and then he found some reason to continue. That was the twins. Still. They were right he wasn’t exactly pleased with getting to this point.
“If you’ve got nothing to say that’s ok too”
“Mhm”
“But if you keep everything inside forever, and constantly hide when things effect you you’re going to explode.”
“Mhm”
“So maybe it is cutting corners to drag you in now. But you’re only going to get worse”
“An’ ow you figure that one Ms Taru?”
“Well Mr. Mal Solaeus”
“…mal is a title Tataru on its own”
“Well Mal Solaeus. You’re the hero of this story, that means you’re going to keep doing what you’re doing, and you’ll keep inspiring people to your cause and continually because you’re so bloody good at what you do. They’ll be willing to die for you too.”
A bolt of pale blue, a spear of light, a shattering shield. Blood. On him, on Lehkah… Somewhere between a burn and a puncture. Gripping rapidly cooling hands in both his own.
“I like your smile best”
Lehkah shuddered, looking around like he could see, grabbing at his chest like it was he who had taken the spear to the heart. It should have been. Something about the way she said that touched a nerve in him. One he hated to admit was so raw.
What was it with blue magic and death.
A hole carved clear through the chest. As if someone had reached through his ribs and ripped his heart from his body, said body fraying at the edges as the light consumed what was left. Realising later that it had been a sacrifice. To save him, he had to die, to allow himself to be purged by an overwhelming light. To save Azem. Or what little remained.
“Is… aught amiss?”
Such a small frame, not a reflection of the man, but a reminder of his own powerlessness, clutching at the stars and memories that remained to him, the mentors that had protected him. That he was all alone again.
“The rains have ceased, and we’re blessed with another beautiful day. But you aren’t here to see it…”
“Lehkah?”
Said viera blinked back his tears, but they were soon falling down his cheeks, partially absorbed by the fabric of his mask. The rest streamed down past his nose, onto his chin and dripped onto his hands. Balled into fists on his lap. He sniffed wiping at his nose with the back of a bandaged hand. It took a moment for him to notice the hand atop his own, it was minute, lalafellin. With a feather light touch, the deft hand of a seamstress, slight callouses to her fingertips. A roughness that matched his own blacksmiths hands.
Lehkah wasn’t sure he’d ever connected with someone quite like this. It felt like his echo driven flashbacks, but none occurred to him. He couldn’t see. But knew there was a gentle smile upon Tataru’s face, this was a woman, younger than most of the Scions. Who had watched and cared and protected the bodies of her friends for a year not knowing if they would return, or if she was feeding corpses... That gentle touch.
How many times had she waved him off, all of them... Fearing each time it would be the last, losing people near on every time. Having to wonder who it was she’d never see again.
Being utterly powerless to change a damned thing about it.
Lehkah place a hand atop hers, dwarfing it between his.
It felt like something, something he couldn’t explain, as if he could feel the guilt she kept a hair’s breadth from the surface, but besides merciless blackmail he knew she had no remorse over. Whatever could weigh her down so, was this... How people saw him?
A moment so fleeting, where he could imagine a life without that guilt, free of it. Fleeting as it was. Given he let go of her hand and stood, his hand encircled the brass doorknob, cracking open the heavy wooden door.
Freezing there. As if a sudden urgency ensnared him, staring at the floor he uttered the only thing of substance he would say
“I don’t think I can live with the weight of more memories”
By the time Tataru looked up to meet his not quite gaze, he was gone. A faint sound of teleportation and Tataru was sat alone in Lehkah's private room.
Unable to think of a good enough quip for this situation she sat for a while unsure, before calling Alisaie only to tell her
“Cutting corners won't work. He's not ready”
The more she thought on it... Tataru wasn't sure if he ever would be.