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The fact that Richard hadn’t heard from Thomas since his letter had him worried. He knew it wouldn’t be an easy letter to read, certainly, but he had hoped Thomas would at least respond and give him the chance to explain. He couldn’t do it in that letter, for an amalgamation of reasons, but now he was beginning to think another letter wouldn’t be appropriate. This was something best resolved in person.
He’d tried to find time to get away from Buckingham and make the trip up to Downton Abbey, but Mr. Wilson was very insistent that they couldn’t spare him just then. The King’s schedule was very full, and he was needed to be available at all times to keep his wardrobe perfect. As such, it had been a relief at first when he’d run into Lady Mary Crawley in London one day. Stopping her outside a shop, well aware she wouldn’t know him from the next person to walk out that door, he knew he needed to make his case quickly before he lost her attention.
“M’Lady,” he greeted, reaching a hand out toward her to catch her eye and hopefully stop her from walking on. He was pleased to see that it worked, as she turned to face him. “My apologies, m’Lady, I’m afraid you won’t know me. My name is Richard Ellis- I work at Buckingham Palace as one of the King’s dressers, and I was with His Majesty’s staff for the royal visit to Downton Abbey.”
Lady Mary looked at him curiously, tilting her head back just slightly as she regarded him. “I heard you all caused quite a stir downstairs,” she told him. “I decided I didn’t want to know, but I suppose you would have been involved?”
Richard cracked a grin as he remembered his trip to York with Thomas to call Mr. Wilson, and he chuckled. “In a way, m’Lady,” he confirmed. “But I like to think I wasn’t part of the problem.”
She hummed in an understanding sort of way. “Well then, I’m glad to hear it,” she said. “Is there something I can do for you, Mr. Ellis?” Thomas had mentioned she was quick to the core of things, and Richard could tell he spoke the truth about her. But that was something he appreciated, and so he didn’t beat around the bush.
“Actually, yes,” he replied. “I hoped I might ask how your butler has been doing, m’Lady. Mr. Barrow?”
Lady Mary’s eyes fell for the slightest moment, before she recovered, but he recognised the look in them- disappointment. Had Thomas let her down somehow? He knew Thomas had been disappointed himself in how he was treated during the royal visit, but surely he hadn’t done something once he’d returned?
“Mr. Barrow has turned in his notice,” she said. “Today is his last day, and he will be missed. But he’s received a rather exciting opportunity to work with a film star, and he wanted to take it.” She might have said more, but Richard had stopped listening as the blood drained from his face. Apparently, though, she noticed, as she prompted, “Mr. Ellis? Is something the matter?”
Richard’s eyes quickly snapped back to her, and he managed to put on a smile and as he shook his head, for once quite unconvincing. “Not at all, m’Lady. Thank you for your time, I should be returning to Buckingham now…” he said. She lifted a skeptical brow in response.
“Don’t let me keep you,” she said. “Have a nice day.” Richard nodded and turned to go, but he stopped when he heard her call out, “Mr. Ellis?” He looked back at her, his heart racing anxiously in his chest. “He’s still there, at the moment, and there’s a train you can catch that would get you to Thirsk tonight.”
As soon as he realised what she was saying, his eyes widened, and he nodded. “Thank you very much, m’Lady,” he replied.
“Good luck.” She offered him little more than that, a nod, and a knowing smile before she went on into the store, and freed Richard to go racing back to Buckingham Palace.
He wasn’t sure he had ever packed so little, or so quickly, in his life, and he was certainly the topic of gossip as he rushed around to put his things in order. On his way out the door, he was stopped by Mr. Wilson himself who asked, or rather demanded, “And where do you think you’re going, Mr. Ellis? I’ve told you, your presence is required here.”
Richard swallowed hard. “I’ve had a family emergency,” he lied. “There’s a train I can just catch, but only if I go now.”
“Your duty is here, Mr. Ellis,” Mr. Wilson reminded him, but Richard shook his head.
“Not my only duty,” he replied. “If you’ll excuse me.”
With that, he turned and left. The consequences might be severe, but when faced with needing a new job, and losing Thomas for good, there wasn’t any question which was worse. One was inconvenient, and the other had him filled with a sense of dread ever since Lady Mary had given him the news.
The cab he took didn’t feel like it moved nearly quick enough, nor did the line at the train station. But he was finally able to purchase a ticket for the last train to Thirsk, and he got seated shortly before it was to depart. When it finally pulled out of the station, it occurred to Richard that he had exactly no plan on what he was even going to say to Thomas, much less anything else. He had so much to explain, so much to ask Thomas’s forgiveness for, but would he offer it? Would it be enough? Only time would tell.
It was getting late by the time the train arrived in Thirsk, just as Lady Mary had said it would be, but he still managed to get a cab that would take him to Downton Abbey- even if he did have to pay an extra fee for the distance. Richard watched the rain falling as they drove along, hoping desperately that it wasn’t some form of bad omen for his meeting with Thomas. He might not have worried if it wasn’t outright pouring by the time he got to Downton, much like the night before the royal visit, but he couldn’t quite help himself.
The cab pulled around back so Richard could go straight to the servants’ entrance, and he paid the driver before climbing out with his bag, and walking through the rain to the door. The result of such a walk was that he was soaking wet and dripping by the time Mrs. Hughes opened the door, answering his insistent knocking, and her eyes went wide with shock.
“Mr. Ellis!” she gasped. “What on earth are you doing out there in this weather? Come inside before you catch your death…”
Mrs. Hughes ushered him into the house quickly, and he immediately began to survey the servants’ hall for any sign of Thomas Barrow. Unfortunately, he found there was none, so he turned to Mrs. Hughes with wide, almost panicked eyes. “Mr. Barrow,” he said. “Where is he? Please tell me he’s not left just yet.”
Something seemed to click in her, and she looked at him with an expression he couldn’t quite read. What was it with him that day, that he couldn’t quite read anyone’s expressions when it came to this?
“He’s not very pleased with you, you know,” she warned him, and he cut her off before she could say much more.
“I do know,” he said. “Please, is he still here? I need to set things right between us before he goes, and Lady Mary said-”
“ Lady Mary said?” Mrs. Hughes interrupted. “Did she send you all the way from London to catch him tonight?”
“She did,” he answered, swallowing anxiously. Mrs. Hughes sighed.
“He’s in the Butler’s Pantry,” she told him. “He told me he might be a bit longer in there tonight, and I can imagine why.”
Richard nodded and looked toward the door of the room he’d first made his intentions perfectly clear. “Thank you, Mrs. Hughes,” he said, and started for the door. It was time he clarified them once again.
Thomas had shut the door to his pantry when he’d gone in that night to prepare everything for the transfer of Downton Abbey back into Carson’s care the next morning, at least until Andy was trained to take over from him. He could think of several better solutions than that if he tried, considering he knew Andy really wanted to run the pig farm with Daisy, but it wasn’t his say any longer. He’d given up that right when he handed in his notice.
The knock at the door wasn’t unexpected, considering it was late enough he figured it was time for Mrs. Hughes to be returning to her cottage with Mr. Carson, and so he called out for her come in, standing from behind his desk and walking around to greet her.
His heart froze in his chest, and he in his tracks, when the door opened to reveal Richard Ellis, soaked to the skin and looking like he’d just heard the worst news of his life. A thousand different emotions passed over his face, all of the things that had been swirling around in his chest since Richard’s letter had arrived now demanding to be seen. And who better to see them than the one responsible for them?
Silence hung in the air for a few tense moments as the two simply stared at each other, hearts beating rapidly, until Thomas finally managed to say, “Well don’t just bloody stand there. Come in, and shut the door behind you.” Considering the timing of all this, he knew their conversation was not one he wanted overheard- even if he was on his way out.
Richard did as he asked, stepping into the pantry and shutting the door behind himself, and immediately the tension became so thick that Thomas felt it might suffocate him. He turned for a moment as if he might go back behind his desk, but then he stopped, and looked back at Richard. “Who told you?” he asked.
“I ran into Lady Mary,” Richard answered. “She was going into a shop in London, and I asked her how you were.” Thomas swallowed and looked down as he tried to process this. Lady Mary herself had told him what was going on? That he was leaving in just a day? As angry as he was over that last letter, a part of him whispered how Richard had clearly dropped everything and come immediately. He didn’t think anyone had ever done something so drastic as that for him.
“Have you come to ask me not to go, then?” he questioned next. The sigh Richard let out made him raise his eyes to look at the man, who looked almost crushed, his own eyes not leaving the ground.
“I don’t think I can,” he confessed. “But I couldn’t stand the thought of you going without the air being cleared between us.”
Thomas scoffed. “How is your wife, by the way?”
Richard stunned him by answering, “I haven’t got one.” His eyes widened a bit, and he stayed silent to allow Richard to explain himself. “We didn’t go through with the wedding. Neither of us really wanted to, considering she’s like us, but I was caught writing a letter to you. It wasn’t clear enough for it to be obvious what you were to me, but I needed to protect us both somehow, so Caroline and I- she was my ‘fiancée’- came up with the plan. Believe me, I wanted you to know it wasn’t ever true, but I needed you to believe it so nothing could fall back on you. I’d hoped to explain after you responded to my letter, but… your lack of response said it all.”
Thomas sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Of course I didn’t respond,” he said. “Fifteen months, we wrote to each other, and saw each other whenever we could, and then suddenly you were dropping that on me? Richard, I thought you’d suddenly moved on! I thought you met some girl, and you fell for her, and… and that was it for me. Even if there was an option where you and I stayed together, I wouldn’t have had you . She would, and I’d have gotten whatever was left. I’m glad that’s not the case, but really, you couldn’t have said anything to clue me in? Sent another letter behind it?”
“I should have, and I’m sorry I didn’t,” Richard said. “That’s why I came- I didn’t think another letter, or even a phone call, was appropriate at this point. You deserved the respect of a face-to-face conversation about it. I couldn’t let you go before I tried to give you that.”
Thomas swallowed as he looked at Richard in the face, the first man in years who had made him feel wanted, loved, cared for in a way he actually wasn’t sure he’d ever felt. But then he’d had his heart squarely stomped on, and he was hoping some travel would do him some good. It especially didn’t hurt that he’d have a charming actor at his side throughout it. But here Richard was again, asking for closure if nothing else, and when Thomas thought of what he’d done to be here… Well, it made his heart start to beat again.
“And what do you think of me going?” Thomas asked after a long, tense moment. It didn’t take Richard long at all to answer.
“I wish you wouldn’t,” he said. “I know I’ve said I don’t have any right to ask you not to go, but Thomas…” He crossed the space between them and rested his hands on Thomas’s arms, holding him there between them in such a way that his walls almost broke down right there. “I don’t want you to go,” he continued softly. “That’s the last thing I could ever want.”
His voice almost sounded broken, and it occurred to Thomas that he’d never heard Richard sound like that. In fact, this was another of those things he’d never experienced with someone else- being asked to stay . Not that he knew what that would entail, other than that he wouldn’t get to start travelling the next morning. But would the tradeoff be worth it?
As it stood, he knew what the door was open for with Guy. There was indeed romance on the table, but nothing as really settled as of yet. He figured they’d just see how things developed. But with Richard, he knew what was there, and he knew how he felt about it- about him . His job was likely gone already, considering he’d handed in his notice before the Dowager had even passed, so what was really tying him down from exploring either option?
It occurred to him that he could go to London with Richard just as easily as California with Guy. But what he couldn’t do was get dropped again, not by either of them. He needed to be secure. So, he took a deep breath, and looked Richard in the eye, his heart beating faster and faster as he decided to lay it out.
“What happens if I stay?” he asked. “If I call this whole thing off, what am I walking into? With you? Is there anything, or am I giving that up just for things to go south again in another fifteen months?”
Richard shook his head immediately. “I won’t ever do something like that to you again,” he promised. “If you stay, I’m yours. For however long you’ll have me, and I mean that. Because the truth is, Thomas, I love you.” He lifted a hand to cup Thomas’s cheek, and it was useless for Thomas to try not to lean into it, as he did anyway. When was the last time he had been touched like this? “I can’t promise I’ll have much to offer you- there’s a good possibility I might have accidentally walked out of my job to come here- but I’ll give you whatever I can.”
Thomas’s eyes widened. “How on earth is that going to work, if we’re both out of a job?” he questioned. “I don’t even know if they’d let me stay on here, if I said I’d changed my mind…”
“Lady Mary seemed upset that you were leaving,” Richard informed Thomas. “I don’t think she’d have a problem with keeping you on, if that’s what you wanted.”
Thomas swallowed and nodded, as suddenly this became a real, true option. He stepped away from Richard, needing space to think about it. It wasn’t lost on him that Richard had basically fallen on his own sword to protect them both, and the fact that the wedding had been called off spoke volumes to him. Even with Thomas unresponsive, Richard hadn’t chosen to go through with it. He hadn’t tried to move on, and here Thomas was about to run off with another man? He didn’t know why he suddenly felt so guilty about it, except that Richard was standing there, loyal to a fault, and he had already started to move on.
“We address problems like you getting caught with that letter together from now on,” he suddenly said, turning back to the man in question finally. “I don’t want that sort of news just dumped on me again. I can’t take being batted around at anyone’s whim again, even if it seems necessary. We have to be a team.”
Richard’s eyes widened, and for the first time since he’d stepped into the Butler’s Pantry, Thomas could see hope in them. It made him smile just a bit. “Does this mean you’re considering staying?” he asked.
Thomas sighed. “The truth is…” he began. “I’ve never been with someone as long as I have you, and I know… I know you. You don’t do things without reasons, and the first time we met, you sprung me from jail and may as well have asked me to trust you. I have to decide now if I do. That’s what’ll make the difference.”
He watched as Richard’s face grew very serious, and he moved to take Thomas’s hands in his, holding them tight as he looked into his eyes. “Thomas, I swear I will never drop anything like this on you again,” he said. “If you choose to stay, I will never make this kind of a decision without you. Any decision that affects us both in any way, we’ll discuss before it’s made. I want you to be my partner, Thomas, from the moment you say ‘yes’ if you do, until you decide you’re through with me- however long that takes.”
The declaration nearly stunned Thomas, who hadn’t been expecting such a thing. What Richard was proposing sounded quite permanent, if he wanted it to be, but Thomas found himself confused about something. “What about your job?” he asked. “Sounds to me like you’d rather stay up here with me from here out-”
“I would,” Richard interrupted, and Thomas nodded.
“Then how would you manage that?” he questioned.
“I can find work here in Downton,” he said. “And I’m not afraid to. I’ve already told Mr. Wilson I had a family emergency, so I think he’ll buy me just needing to move north- he’ll think I needed to be with my family. And it doesn’t sound bad to be closer to York, anyway. So… it could easily be managed, if you’re worried about that.”
And it wasn’t that Thomas wasn’t worried about that, because he was, but he had also been hoping to see how serious Richard was about all of this. But as quick as he was to suggest all of that, it sounded like he’d had it all figured out before they talked. “How long have you been thinking about this?” Thomas questioned.
“Months, honestly,” Richard answered. “I was going to suggest it in the letter they caught me writing to you…”
If that didn’t make Thomas’s heart nearly give out, he wasn’t sure anything would. “So you mean to tell me this isn’t just some… last minute grand gesture to win me back?” he questioned. “You’ve wanted this since before there was ever a need to?”
Richard smiled and cupped his cheek. “Of course I have,” he replied. “Thomas, I told you I love you, and I do mean that very much. I choose a life with you, over anything else the world may offer to make me give that up, or that it may threaten me with to achieve that same goal. If it’s with you, I fully believe I can face it all. I just need to know if you’ll choose a life with me.”
“Then… that is what you’re offering?” Thomas said, just for clarity’s sake. “To spend our lives together? Growing old, eating dinner together every night, all of that?”
“That is exactly what I am offering,” Richard confirmed. “What I’m proposing, really.”
On second thought, that was also quite capable of making Thomas’s heart give out, and the way he beamed at Richard gave it away. As did the way he finally lifted a hand to cup his cheek, the cool leather of his glove against Richard’s warm skin.
“Then I accept,” Thomas said, which made Richard beam in a way that perfectly mirrored him.
“You do?” he questioned. “Really?”
“Of course I bloody accept,” Thomas replied. “I love you too, you idiot.”
Richard grinned and pulled Thomas into his arms to kiss him in such a way that Thomas thought he couldn’t contain himself, and Thomas gasped slightly at the suddenness of it. But his arms wrapped around Richard’s shoulders as he felt Richard’s arms snaking around his waist, and he melted into him happily. And they stayed there for quite a long time, content in the knowledge that they were both going to fight like hell for the other, until the very end, no matter what came next.
Their happily ever after, at last.