Work Text:
No Turning Back
Her head pounded in rhythm with her steps as her cheap hand me down heels clicked against linoleum. Today was her big day, and she couldn’t be more scared. This wasn’t the normal bridal nervousness and the wondering what the future would bring. Joyce Horowitz knew exactly what her future held for her, and that was why she was scared.
“Well, how do I look?” She asked, forcing herself to smile.
Karen sighed, forcing the same smile back to her. She knew that her friend really did not approve of this marriage, and she had every right to judge her. She HATED Lonnie.
“You look, good,” Karen said as she stood and stepped towards her.
Joyce suddenly grew self-conscious as she watched Karen’s eyes drift down to her midsection. Karen herself was pregnant, but somehow, she was radiant, glowing. She had the perfect little five-month baby bump. Perhaps she looked so good because she was married. It must help when actions are done in the correct order. On the other hand, when she looked in the mirror, she saw a pale complexion accentuated by dark puffy circles under her eyes. She was gaining weight in odd places. Really, she didn’t look pregnant, she just looked fat. She was only four months along herself and she looked like she was just letting herself go.
“No I don’t,” she resigned, her shoulders dropping as she went over to the chair and plopped down. “Maybe Lonnie will see how ugly I look and back out before I make it halfway down the aisle.”
And there it was, the look of pity. Karen pulled up the other chair and took hold of Joyce’s hand. That was the one thing that always bothered her. Yes, Karen was her best friend, and yes, she did really want the best for her, but when situations like this occurred, she always pitied her. It made her feel like the victim, and she wasn’t. Karen just didn’t understand. Everything always worked out for her.
“You know, you don’t have to go through with this,” she insisted.
She emitted a small laugh in spite of the situation. “What other option do I have?” Joyce implored. “It’s not like I had men lined up at my door to begin with. Certainly no one will be begging to be with me now!”
She felt bad, seeing that Karen looked as though she were about to cry. That wasn’t her intent. She just felt stuck and she hated it.
“You’re not like me,” was all she uttered, her grip slightly tightening.
“I promise you that I wish I was,” she assured her, leaning forward and placing her hand on top of her hers.
Karen laughed, shaking her head. “I wish I was more like you. You don’t need Lonnie. You could stroll out of here and raise that baby all by yourself and not worry about what those people think. You could move somewhere and start over if you really wanted to. You know how to take care of yourself, I never did.”
Joyce was about to speak, but she felt the sudden burning in the back of her throat. Her eyes widened and she was about to jump. Thank God that Karen knew what she was preparing for, she jumped up and quickly grabbed the trash can and held it out so that Joyce could vomit.
She took hold of the can and crumpled back into her chair, gripping the edges of the waste basket as she emptied the small bit of water and crackers that she had managed to get down earlier. After she was down, she kept her head down and started sobbing. It was a flood gate just waiting to spill open.
“I can’t do this,” she cried. “I don’t love him, but I can’t ostracize my child because I’m stupid!”
That was the only time that she would ever admit that. Right here in this room with the only person that she felt she could trust. The other one was off in another state, and as far as she was concerned, out of her life forever.
She looked up to see Karen searching for something, anything to say at all. The words weren’t there though. And somehow, that crushed her even more.
“I’m sorry, but you don’t have a choice.”
That was the harshest thing that her best friend could have told her, and also the best thing. She was right. Joyce had no other options at this point. She wanted the baby, that she was sure of. And she wanted to remain here in Hawkins. So that left her with two choices: raise it alone or raise it with Lonnie. Either way, they were probably both about to suffer her consequences.
“Not much of one anyways,” Joyce replied, trying to gently dab away her tears with her thumbs. She should at least be able to keep the makeup for the ceremony.
“Here, let's get you cleaned up and calmed down, and then we can talk,” Karen offered, taking the trash can back from her.
“We don’t have enough time for that. I have to be out there in ten minutes,” Joyce told her.
“If your guests love you, they’ll wait,” Karen insisted as she went to her purse and fetched a bottle of ginger ale and brought it over to Joyce. “As far as I’m concerned, this day is about you. No matter what.”
Joyce offered her a small smile. It was nice for once, hearing that maybe something was about her. She had a joke of a wedding shower and her mother-in-law was calling her the whore. This was all some sort of punishment as far as she was concerned. The worst part was that all of Lonnie’s family was acting as though she were the only one that couldn’t keep her legs closed, that he was a virgin, a saint the entire time.
“Thanks,” she replied before taking a sip.
Karen leaned over and tucked a curl behind her ear, smiling. “Of course,” she said. “Neither of us has anywhere to be.”
Joyce softly laughed. “I wonder if our kids will be friends like this,” she mused.
“They might learn to be,” Karen laughed. “They’ll spend a lot of time together.”
“If anything, they can bond over learning how to deal with us,” Joyce added.
The two sat there in silence for a moment, Joyce contemplating her choices up to this very moment. She did love Lonnie; she just didn’t LOVE Lonnie. There was a difference, sort of. There was also that small part of her that hoped that maybe the baby would change him, that he would grow up and become a better man so that he could be a good husband and father. She would never admit that, but that little flame was there.
“I gotta do it,” Joyce announced, staring off towards the door. She then looked over to see Karen nodding, offering her a half smile.
“Alright, let’s go,” Karen said, sighing, heading towards the door.
“Let’s get this over with,” Joyce added, getting to her feet and closely following behind.