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I hated this hair.
The long hair is not mine. It belonged to my mother, who projected her ideals onto me. That's why she was so insistent on telling me what to do with it. Using this shampoo and conditioner, applying a treatment once a week, using this brand of brush, and applying oil once in a while.
She said that hair is a woman's spirit. But I am not a woman, and I can't even reflect my life on my own hair. I was fed up with all of these things. That's why I’ve never never used treatments or oils.The same goes for high-end brushes, I just run my hand to comb through my hair and that's it. Sometimes I was warned that the ends of my hair were bouncing, but I just wet my hair with water and covered it up.
So when Karma suddenly mentioned my hair, I was a little surprised.
“Nagisa, your hair is beautiful.”
It was when I was somehow staying in the classroom after school and talking about the movie that will be released this weekend with him. Why is he talking about hair all of a sudden? When I looked up from the movie magazine I was looking into, there was Karma illuminated by the melting west sun.
“……That's not true.”
“I think it’s true.”
“Isn't it just noticeable because it's long?”
I felt my back fidget a little as I felt the gaze fixed on my hair. I had never kept it clean. It didn't have to be. It's not worth your attention, Karma. Thinking that, I turned my head downwards, and my heart jumped when I saw something unexpected in my field of vision. It was Karma's finger, boyish and bony. Take a bunch of my hair and wrap it around his index finger.
“It's tangled. Don't you usually brush your hair?”
“Ah... Uh, yeah. It's too much trouble.”
Of course it's a lie. Big lie. I just don't want to actively take care of my hair, as it is complex. But I was hesitant to talk about such a complicated story for a friend, so I lied. It was about the capricious Karma, and I thought that this finger would be gone soon. Nevertheless.
“Why? Even though it's beautiful.”
He said that with a clear, straight eye that was rare for him. It felt like the first time I saw Karma’s honest eyes, which were always slanted.
“Can I comb it?”
When I was dazed thinking about such things, I was offered something that didn't exist in my head, and surprised.
“Comb...I don't have one.”
“No problem, I have it”
“Why!?”
“Hmm, well, it's for grooming... I don't have time at home in the morning.”
It was strange that I, who has long hair, didn't carry a comb, and Karma, who has short hair, carried one around. But Karma, who seems to be indifferent about everything, is actually quite attentive. It is no wonder that he has a tool or two to keep up appearances, and in some strange way I was impressed.
The chair was moved so that it was facing away from the sunset, and Karma was standing behind me. I guess he's protecting me from being dazzled. I should have refused, but for some reason I couldn't. The two shadows overlapped, and I was completely hidden by Karma.
A boy's hand, bigger than mine, held a thin comb and touched my hair. The fingertips ran through the strands of hair. The comb alternated with the fingers, and the fingers combed through the hair again.
“….”
Before I knew it, I realized that my lips had been slightly open, so I hurriedly closed my mouth. Karma's hands are still touching my hair. I felt the comfort of his fingers brushing, combing, and gliding through my hair. Sometimes it brushed directly against my scalp. The comb is smooth and delicate, and the fingers are large and warm. It was strange, I felt as if my back was straightened. Before I knew it, my eyes had drifted closed and I had simply surrendered myself to the slow, repeated movements.
I didn't mind Karma's hands at all. Even though I was averse to being touched by the hairdresser. His hands and fingers felt me so good. I'm sure I look like I'm melting right now. I'm glad I don't have a mirror in front of me. I'm glad I'm in a position where Karma can't see me. In the process, his fingers inevitably rubbed against my earlobes.
I took a deep breath so that he wouldn't find out. Ah, what should I do, the heat from his fingertips is transferred not only to my earlobes, but also to the backside, my hairline, and skin that I have never consciously touched. I fidget with the sensation of having my nubile hairs tickled. What is this? I feel like my core is trembling. Strength is drained from my waist. The back of my eyes are burning.
“Are you sleeping, Nagisa?”
“Ah…!”
Then, I suddenly heard Karma's voice directly in front of me, and I was surprised and let out a strange voice. Karma's wide-eyed eyes are blurry because I’m wet with tears. Am I okay now? Do I look as pathetic as I do after crying?
“Oh, you're awake.”
“I'm not sleeping…!”
My voice sounded weak. It's not Karma who would miss such a figure. I would definitely be teased and ridiculed—even though I thought so, the reaction I received was something I never expected. His free hand crumpled my head, as if he was doing it to a big puppy.
“Why!? Even though you took the trouble to do it...!”
My straight hair is ruined with this. Even the tips of my hair at the edge of my vision were looking all over the place. Even if I tried to catch Karma's arm, there was no way I could catch up with him.
Oh, God! I puffed up my cheeks, and Karma laughed, a very amused and amused laugh. Even though It was almost twilight and the classroom was getting dim, I remembered the light in his eyes strangely clearly.
Since that day, Karma has been asking me to let him comb my hair from time to time. On the rooftop during lunch break or after school, when we were alone, he would take a black comb from his inside pocket and run it through my hair. Karma's hands always felt good. A ticklish warmth lit up my heart every time I felt the hands of the boy of my dreams touching me so carefully.
After the skillful Karma combed my hair, he played around with my hairstyle in many different ways. There was nothing I could do while he was tying my hair, so I lowered my eyelids and just felt his hands moving around my head. Perhaps it was because I had my eyes closed, but I could feel every movement of his fingertips even though I couldn't see them.
Whenever he finished a tying, he would hold out a small mirror to me. One day it was two braids. Another day, a simple two-parted hairstyle. It was strange to see myself in the mirror with a familiar face, but in a different outfit.
The next time, I was told, “I split it in two last time, so I'll split it into three today.”, I did my best to shrug it off. I asked him to at least make it normal, and he put it in a ponytail. I was somewhat uncomfortable as he repeatedly curled the ends of my hair with his five fingers. I was told that the method of lifting only the bangs and holding them up is pompadour. It was embarrassing to see my forehead, which I usually don't show, because my skin was white and had never seen a tan before. Then one day, in the classroom after everyone had gone home, he said,
“You know, today I'm going to set a half-updo.”
Ponytail, pompa, and half-updo. Sounds like a magical spell to me. When I told him so with an astonished face, Karma laughed from the bottom of his heart. I think it's precious that he laughs so carefree without a trace of sarcasm.
“You're doing everything you can to make fun of me, aren't you?”
I tried to resist modestly by sticking out my lips full of dissatisfaction. Karma, who came in front of me, brought a chair nearby and sat down to hold the back of the chair.
“That's not right.”
He said, smiling contentedly, his golden eyes shimmering like honey. Ah, I'm being teased after all. Looking up at him while lowering my eyebrows, I saw that his hand was about to reach out to the left side of my face.
“…!”
I gulped as I felt a hand wrap around my ear. As it was, I was gently toyed with, and I couldn't move.
“Can I tie ...... it half up?”
Karma came around behind me in a humming mood. I could tell that my nerves had become completely sensitive after being touched my ears like an outpost. Maybe that's why. No, it must be because of that. Now I was waiting for a certain moment to come, a moment that has been repeating itself for some time now. Or, rather than waiting, I was trying to somehow find that moment, which only exists for a few moments. --The moment when Karma's fingertips brush against my skin.
It was definitely a coincidence. Because touching when the comb passes is like a by-product, so to speak. Earlobes, back of ears, and nape of neck. For just a moment there, when Karma's finger touched me, a light burst inside me.
I know he didn't do it on purpose. But I was so happy to be touched, even if it was just a small touch, that I found myself searching for it. Karma's fingertips are warm. His hands are bigger than mine, which makes me throbbing. My fingers repeatedly slide from behind my ears to the back of my head to gather my hair into a half updo. He just touched the back of the ear. Then, in order to arrange the entire flow of hair, he brushed it up from the collar in one go. This time, it hit the nape of the neck. After repeating the process two or three times, his finger finally grazed the downy hairs at the back of my neck.
“Uh….”
It was a moment when the excitement that I should have put up with overflowed. What should I do, what is this voice, my voice? Karma, you haven't noticed, have you? Something in my body seemed to have been turned on, and I felt as if I was going to float away, even though I was supposed to be sitting down. Karma's hand still hasn't stopped. I closed my eyes and clasped my hands tightly together on my lap, hoping that this special time would not end for a little while longer.
At one point, I noticed that my hair was getting better day by day. The reflection of my hair in the mirror was no longer as messy as it used to be, and the side hair didn't bother me as much. I would curl the ends of my hair around my fingers and observe them in the classroom during midterm break. I was sitting in my own seat, having a little too much time on my hands because I didn't have a moving class.
“Hey hey, Shiota-kun.”
Then I was suddenly called out and turned around. Even when I do this kind of gesture, I don't have to worry about my hair. The hair flowed smoothly with my movements, and it felt good.
“Hey, do you mind if I play with your hair?”
There she was, the most fashionable girl in the class. She was an eye-catching girl with a clear nose and shoulder-length brown hair that was loosely curled.Even in her school uniform, she gives the impression of being mature. What did she want with my hair? She is usually so distant from me that she even calls me by my last name. I asked her having the brush.
“Ah, uh…, what do you mean?”
“I want to tie up your hair. I also want to know what kind of hair care you use. Lately, your hair is shiny and beautiful.”
Then another girl said “Oh, I'm curious too” and gathered one by one. I wonder if the change in hair is something that can be understood so much. Besides, I don't remember doing anything in particular to take care of my hair. I had neglected the brush and oil that Mom had recommended, after all. While I was at a loss for an answer, they had a lively discussion about hairstyles and hair care. What should I do? I'm in trouble, I don't think I can give the answer they want, but--.
Suddenly, I felt a shadow over my head. I felt a familiar presence behind me and lifted my head to see hands in black cardigans gripping the back of my chair firmly from both sides.
“You know, I don't think you know this, but Nagisa, he doesn't like having his hair messed with by other people.”
“Karma….”
“Huh? Why did Akabane-kun come out?”
“Helping people. Bad? He’s in trouble. Don't you understand that?”
“Don't say bad things to people. I mean….”
“Let's express our intentions properly, Nagisa, too? Let's go.”
“!”
Then Karma half-forcibly pulled my arm off the chair and took me out of the circle. The girls' complaints were thrown at my back like stones, colliding and scattering on the floor.
“Sorry, see you next time…!”
I turned around and said that, but Karma, who just came out of the classroom door into the hallway, turned me around 90 degrees, and my words didn't reach them. While holding my hand, I could only desperately chase after him as he rushed through the corridor.
After walking around the school building and making sure there was no one in the music room, Karma took me there. The door is carefully closed without turning on the light.
“Karma, why…? I don't care.”
“Huh!? You were in trouble!”
“I wondered if I could give them the answer they wanted.”
Then Karma put his hand on his waist and shook his head with a big sigh. Then he approached me, who was stomping near the entrance, and drove me to the wall with an intimidating aura. Before I could catch my breath, my back slammed into the wall. I thought for a moment that I was going to be punched as his right arm swung up, but then his hand was pressed silently against the wall beside me. He has strong arms. I can't run away or hide. Gold eyes, which had gathered what little light there was in the dimly lit music room, were staring at me. It was the first time I saw Karma with such a troubled face.
“I care.”
Even though my vision was dim and the colors were vague, I could still see the bright colors on his face. Karma, your cheeks and ears are bright red.
“Damn…, it was a miscalculation that someone else was eyeing you.”
He said, like spitting on the floor. That must have been a plug, something overflowing from deep within Karma rushed into me in the form of words.
“I'm the one who knows the best condition because I play with you every day…, Nagisa's hair is beautiful. I like it. I don't want anyone to touch it. Never.”
“You like….”
“That's right. If I don't like it, I don't touch you like this.”
That was an unexpected statement. Because I always thought that Karma was making fun of me. The hand that was on my chest was squeezed so hard that my fingernails dug into it. Karma's long fingers reach to my hair and scoop up a bunch. Carefully, as if touching something sacred. Ah, I've seen this before. Like a knight holding a princess's hand in a picture book. His face is so close to mine that I almost forget that my heart is beating. Karma kissed my hair as if swearing.
That's not fair. It's as if I'm being told that this is the most important thing in the world. No, even if it wasn't, I was happy with the pure “like” that Karma gave me.
I hated my hair. I didn't care what happened to me, I was only needed as a replacement for my mother. I wasn't there. It didn't matter to me if it wasn't beautiful. I didn't want to be beautiful. --Nevertheless.
“Was it beautiful?"
“It was beautiful from the beginning. Those girls don't know anything about you. Certainly your hair is in good condition these days, but…, I've always known how beautiful your hair.”
“I wish it wasn't.”
“It’s because I thought it.”
Karma lowered his eyes and kissed my hair again. I can see the growing eyelashes. I was thinking somewhere far away in my heart that he had a well-groomed face. I might have wanted to cover it up. I mentioned it as if to push aside the silence that was about to descend.
“…This may sound strange, but what if I tell you that this hair isn’t mine…?”
I regretted it a little after I said. I mean, what do he think, Karma, being asked this out of context? I looked at his face with anxiety. But Karma was dumbfounded.
“…? It's your's. It's not someone else's. It's my favorite, your hair.”
A warm voice sounded close to my ear. It was Karma's voice, shiny and a little rough. The softly whispered “like” bursts forth inside me and turns into light. It is bright, bright, bright, like when his fingertips touch the nape of my neck.
Karma told me he liked my hair. Though I, who was nothing more than a substitute for my mother, crouched down in the depths of the symbol, he found the real me. Why is my heart pounding so much? I have to tell him too. I thought so.
“I like your hair, too.”
“Me?”
“Yeah. Like a burning flame.”
“Fu,” Karma let out a smile like a sigh.
“It looks like it's going to spread fire. Isn't it difficult to handle?”
“Well, to me, it's a fire that shines brightly.”
The glowing red fire is a guidepost in the dark night. It shines brightly on a night road where I can't even see the stars, let alone the moon, and shows me where I'm going. So I wanted to reach out. I took a strand of his hair, stretched so tall that my toes hurt, and rubbed my lips against his hair.
I felt so embarrassed. I think I was so desperate that I thought all the parts of my face were in the middle. I was just barely able to reach it. I must have looked ridiculous to the tall Karma. I wonder if my face is now dyed red like Karma's.
“…This is a thank you.”
I don't do hair care like the girls in my class said.I didn't use anything special. If my hair has become beautiful, it must be because of Karma's touch.
Karma suddenly looked down at me. My premonition told me that I was going to be kissed again. But this time it was not my hair. A neat face comes down. The fingertips that were supposed to be picking up my hair slipped along the shape of my face, and when I was slightly tilted, our lips were overlapped.
I didn't even know how to breathe for my first kiss. The corners of my mouth overflowed with something that was neither a voice nor a sigh. Karma stroked my head with his usual hand as I was so busy that I almost hyperventilated. Slowly, slowly.
It was a gentle kiss. I could feel his fingers running through my hair again and again, and even though he didn't say a word, I knew that he was trying to soothe me. My hair falls silently across my shoulders. I could never have known that such a light sound was the sound of falling in love.