Work Text:
Suisei only joined the group chat due to a college assignment need. She was forced to form a group with something she didn’t know when she would get used to.
“Hold yourself Hoshimachi Suisei, you can go through this.” She talked to herself as she clicked the invitation button to join the group.
The small group began to fill up with some foreign names in it. Surprisingly, there was not a single name she was familiar with in it.
A boring exchange of pleasantries filled her phone as she yawned while staring at it.
Suisei’s mind soared before her focus was distracted by one name. She noticed that there was 1 person who always following and reading their conversations but never showed herself.
She always seemed to type something but her message never made it to the conversation.
Suisei couldn’t help but be interested in it, wondering what’s holding her back. She’s curious about the girl with cherry blossom as her profile picture and a white cat with blue circle on its forehead as her banner. Which, she finds it cute.
“Sakura Miko, huh? Can’t be helped.” She thought.
Suisei couldn’t bear it and decided to send her a message privately.
[ “Hey, how long are you going to type that? Aren’t you going to join the group chat?” ]
Suisei has been checking her phone continuously. Unfortunately, the reply Suisei had been waiting for never came. She decided to send a few more messages but they were just left with a 'seen' mark on it.
Again, Suisei caught a glimpse of her typing something but then she stopped, “She’s playing hard to get didn’t she? How cute.”
Suisei’s daily life begins with sending a message to Miko when she wakes up and ends with sending a few more messages before she goes to bed, every day without exception.
Changes occurred, some common topics about lectures began to be forgotten. Her message began to stray deep in an obscure direction, such as asking if she watches program on tv now, if she interested in constellations, what did she ate today, asking if she likes vegetables and telling her how much Suisei hate them, her favorite game, asking if she ever fell asleep in the bathtub while bathing, and some other weightless questions.
The feeling of alert waiting for Miko’s reply made her heart keep pounding, forming a rhythm through each of its beats. The vagueness of her answer, somehow, excited her.
Suisei had never felt this way before, deep down she hoped to change things for the better.
In her dark bedroom, the dim light from the sun came in through the gap in her window. The sound of the alarm and birds chirping forced her out of hibernation. She would still be asleep by now if it weren’t from the sound of it.
Sometimes, she wondered why she had accepted her sister coercion to use her voice as an alarm. She hated to admit it because it actually worked, more than she could have imagined. She grabbed it and turned it off, “Okay okay, I’m up now. Onee-chan.”
Suisei has been separated from her sister for a year since Suisei decided to go to college.
She remembered how her sister didn’t want her to go to college, she persuaded her to stay and asked her to work in her company instead. Telling her how troublesome the college world is. Suisei couldn’t blame her, after all her sister just loves her too much, even though her behavior sometimes irritates her but Suisei also loves her sister.
Suisei lazily got up from her bed, walked to her window to open it and let the sunlight fill her room. No matter how hard she tried she still wasn’t used to it. After all, she hated mornings. She hated how the sun pierced and blinded her eyes with its light. Even sometimes, she wished she could blow up the sun.
“Hey, weren’t you too bright just now, where did my night go? Give it back!” She grumbled, shouting insults and cursing here and there.
Suisei’s morning always begins with torment. She stood half-consciously in front of the sink, washing her face. The cold water touched her skin and brought her to the surface of consciousness.
Her soul swirled forcing out of her body as she sat pensively on the couch, she was pulled into her senses once more as she took a sip of the coffee she had heated earlier.
“H-hot!” She barked as her tongue was burned by the coffee she had just taken a sip. The bitterness invaded her senses giving her a devastating blow in her throat.
After dressing up, playing with colors, shapes, structures, which finally formed a painting on her face, Suisei satisfied.
Suisei grabbed her hoodie that hanging in the closet, putting on its hood as she walked towards the door.
The frenzy of the city, the hurried pedestrian, the sound of vehicles and greetings from people who know each other in the morning filled her field of view and gnawing at her ears.
Suisei is getting closer to her campus. However, her footsteps are also getting heavier with the closer she gets. She’s unrelentingly cursing herself and complaining to fate, why her courses should be in the morning.
Suisei took her phone out of her pocket, turned it on and checked her contacts as she entered one of the campus buildings and stopped right in front of her locker.
“Still no reply today, maybe I should stop, she must be bothered now. What am I doing?”
Suisei sighed in resignation, her arms stretched out to turn the knob of her locker and startled by the foreign object inside. There was a pink letter inside with a sakura stamp on the back. Suisei immediately knew who the sender was and smiled.
“She finally replied, but why a letter? Isn’t this a bit archaic.” She thought.
She opened the letter and it shows fragments of messages printed into photos that she sent over the past week in her letter along with the answers to her questions, neatly arranged with beautiful hand-writing, “Heh, weird girl.”
Do I watch programs on tv? yes I watched it. I love watching the programs where they explore the other side of the world, introducing us to different cultures and I love that they show the various festivals that exist overseas. They really are amazing aren’t they? I’d like to go there too if allowed.
Constellation? I like them too! aren’t they... full of mystery? make you flutter with how beautiful they are!
And also you should eat more vegetables.. they’re full of essential nutrients for the health and maintenance of your body. Hatred is not an excuse!
Have I ever fallen asleep in the bathtub while bathing?
Pervert. ˙˚ʚ(ꐦ ಠ‸ಠ)ɞ˚˙
Suisei couldn’t help but laugh when she read the letter and how cute her reply is.
The distant, faltering, and awkward relationship between them, eroded slowly.
Suisei felt that she had succeeded in breaking the glacier that curbed her heart. A pale glacier that refuse to melt for anyone. Indirectly, little by little.
A light paper that containing pieces of handwriting poured into it. Surprisingly, in an unexpected way, can bring this much change into her life.
Suisei gradually began to enjoy her saturating college life. No more boring courses, no more irritation towards her lecturers.
The only thing Suisei had in mind now was to just go home. Send a few messages to Miko, telling all her grievances, telling her what she had seen and heard on her way home. Really, she couldn’t wait.
The lectures that weighed on her brain were finally over, her head could explode if she continued to linger there. Suisei smoothed the crumpled corners of her skirt as she rushed to leave the place that trapped her for hours.
Suisei wondered which part of the incident she had experienced today, that was at least interesting, not boring, and could attract Miko’s attention that she had to tell her first.
She fell into deep thought until a light bulb appeared above her head along with a 'click' sound as she came to a conclusion.
“Ah, yeah the letter! I can start from that.” She chuckled.
Suisei felt stupid about how she could forget about the letter, an answer that seemed close yet felt far away shrouded in the mist of her impatience.
The sun began to dim in the process of reaching night. A warm vermillion glow illuminates several skyscrapers, giving them a lilac hue on its hazy-looking mist clouds.
The cold breeze blew away her hood, her blue hair fluttering in the air, reflecting the light from the dusk that faintly gave a brown gradation to her hair.
Several stalls appeared on her way home, various types of street food ranging from takoyaki, yakisoba, yakitori, ikayaki, and many more fill all of Suisei’s visibility.
The harsh smell of smoke mixed with distinctive spices caught her nose, and her choice fell on...
Suisei’s mouth couldn’t stop chewing as she stuffed the tender meat one by one into it. Her senses were invaded by the sweet and salty balance of flavours at the same time.
“Phew, I’m full, meat is the best after all.” She wiped her mouth with a blue handkerchief.
“Then, time to go home. Ah, I have to tell her this too.” She continued, smiling.
Time passed quickly when she knew there was something waiting for her at home, quite literal or so she thought.
Before her a door made of alder greeted her as she inserted the key to open it, a creaking sound from the rusty door hinges resounded throughout the room as she pushed the door wide open.
Suisei dropped her luggage perfunctory as she threw herself into her soft bed. Her hands scoured her pockets, took out her phone, opened her contacts and sent a few messages to Miko.
[ “Hey, I received your letter!” ]
[ “You definitely won’t believe what happened to me today.” ]
[ “I was wondering, how did you find my locker. Don’t tell me... stalker!? Just kidding, hehe.” ]
Suisei wrapped herself in a blanket, rolling around on the bed which eventually formed a rough cinnamon rolls due to her mannerisms. Her heart constantly pounding, waiting for the reply from Miko.
She waited and waited but... no reply.
“Oi, Sakura Miko, you’ve seen it, right?”
Suisei checked her phone screen up and down, rubbed her eyes, looked at her phone again, blinked, and repeated the same process over and over again.
Suisei has checked her phone for a thousand time— no, actually only a few times and she rolled on her bed again afterwards.
After repeatedly confirming that Miko had read her message.
"Yeah, she’s read it. Then, why hasn’t she replied yet?”
Suisei scratched her head that was not itchy and tossed her phone into the corner of the bed. She was made into a headache by Miko’s indistinct behavior, palpable thoughts perched on her head as she whined.
“Don’t tell me..”
Suisei reached for her phone again, typing out her thoughts as she poured them into a short sentence in a form of message to Miko and sent it.
[ “Hey, are you only able to talk by letter?” ]
Less than a minute the message she sent was read by Miko. Suisei found her typing again then suddenly she stopped.
Is it yes or is it no? Suisei guessed and ended up in annoyance, of course she wouldn’t get the answer knowing how Miko was. However, she knew the fact that Miko read her message right away which gave her a sign that she was waiting for her.
Suisei’s cheeks tightened, her smile grows from ear to ear. She covered her face with pillow and screamed as red hues slowly painted her face.
Today, Suisei was tossed around in the abyss of annoyance and delight at the same time. Really, she was at a loss for how to react to her.
“Good night too, Sakura-san.” She whispered towards the arcane world as her consciousness snatched away.
Suisei wiped the sweat that was pouring out profusely on her forehead. She was blinded by the spotlights that surrounded her from all directions as she stood on the stage. The audience's cheers mingled with the soft rhythm of the orchestra colliding in the air and filling her eardrums.
She took a deep breath, preparing herself to sing the next song before...
Suisei woke up with a palpitate, the adrenaline rush from the dream she had just experienced still lingers.
“This... when was the last time I thought about this? I...”
Suisei gradually began to remember something that she had always wanted to achieve. A cheesy, worthless dream that she locked tightly in her heart came to the fore again.
She always wanted to perform on a grand stage, write songs, make albums that would sell out anywhere, make her singing heard all over the world, and let the world know that she exists.
Today is the second week since suisei received her first letter.
The birds outside sang their songs, performing a thousand hertz chorus through its syrinx.
As usual, Suisei’s days began with her cursing the morning as she rubbing her eyes. Even today is still the same, she has a lecture in the morning, and she hates it.
[ “Good luck with your courses today too, Sakura-san!” ]
Suisei laughed crisply as her thumb moved pressing the 'send' button.
A sentence of encouragement was sent to her again for the umpteenth time. A simple and stiff words, for Miko and herself.
Even today is still the same, Suisei still sent a message to Miko and ended up just being read by her.
Suisei couldn’t stop worrying, the thought of Miko being fed up with her after all this kept passing by in her head. She always pleaded in her heart that it would not happen. She really didn’t want it. Besides, there were still many things she had to tell Miko.
This temporary concerns, eternally seeks serenity.
Suisei ran hurriedly while holding the beret on her head, preventing it from falling. Her heavy breaths split through the air as she sped along the seemingly endless pavement.
Who would have thought she would be late, this is her fault for constantly daydreaming about Miko— no, it’s Miko’s fault for sabotaging her mind. Really, things got complicated since Miko was around.
The catalyst plays a miraculous turn of events that changes the course of their story. A series of this serendipities, through infinitesimal possibilities, Suisei found her or was it the other way around?
Suisei finally arrived at her campus. However, the fact that she was late didn’t change. Her eyes stared intently at her locker as she ran parallel to it, she shook her head a few times before passing through it.
“There’s no time for that now, Hoshimachi.” she told herself.
Suisei slammed the door open, several pairs of eyes immediately turned to her who was still panting at the door.
“Excuse me... sorry I’m late.”
Apparently, Suisei was quite lucky today. Her lecturer seemed to be in a good mood, he didn’t say anything and just gave a nod telling her to sit down.
Suisei bowed to him before moving to her seat. She was relieved she wasn’t told to go out. However, she still blamed Miko for this and she would tell her later.
Lately, she kept checking her locker hoping the letter was there. She hadn’t checked it today due to her lateness, but she was sure that today the letter should be there.
This supposedly temporary exchange of knowledge felt forever to Suisei. She was incessantly staring at the exit door and her watch as if it were far more mesmerizing to stare at.
Her courses ended, Suisei hurriedly headed to her locker. She stopped right in front of it, sighing as she preparing her heart not to be disappointed if the letter wasn’t there.
Suisei opened her locker with a pounding heart, she clenched her eyes while muttering what might sound like a séance ritual to those around her.
“Please, be there.. please, be there..”
The surrounding people who were watching slowly moved backwards, distancing themselves from her.
Suisei slowly opened her eyes, peeked through her eyelashes and looked at the entirety of her locker.
“It’s here, finally!” she screamed and jumped excitedly.
People around her looked strangely at her even more.
When her excitement ends, she was drawn to reality. Suisei finally realized her surroundings.
“Ah...”
She lowered her head and walked away, pulling her beret further down and covering her face as her embarrassment slowly accumulated on her face. Again, she blamed Miko for this.
The twilight shone on the old apartment, filling every crevice without exception. The long and huge shadow propagates slowly from side to side like a large clock pendulum along the pavement.
“Control yourself, Hoshimachi. You’ve embarrassed yourself twice today.”
Suisei lay on her bed and hugged the letter she hadn’t opened tightly into her chest. A fragrant of sakura caught her nose as she tried to sniff the letter which made her face turn red again. Really, Miko is to blame for this.
Her hand moved gently to open the adhesive on the letter carefully so as not to damage it.
Ah, you accept it, that’s great! I was afraid that I put it in the wrong locker, hehe.
Meat, huh? Of course it’s delicious, but vegetables are also delicious, you know. 'Don’t be picky about food' I want to say that but I also have something that I don’t like.. bell pepper for example..
How can I know the position of your locker? Don’t underestimate me, I have the widest knowledge of the world, I’m elite after all.
And also, don’t carelessly call people stalkers! I’M NOT!
Am I only replying your messages by letter? hmm.. what do you think about that? I think you have figured it out.
Will I still be sending you letters? hmmm... maybe.. hehe..
I know it’s too late to reply now.. so I’m saying it for tomorrow.
Good luck with your courses tomorrow, Hoshimachi-san.
Suisei couldn’t stop smiling after reading her letter, she stroked her cheek which hurt from doing it too much. She relentlessly swung her legs against the air and the bed, formed a small earthquake from her behavior and also her heartbeat.
Suisei fingers danced on the phone’s keypad and stopped after making sure she sent her message.
[ “Hey, I’ve finished reading your letter.” ]
[ “Sorry for calling you stalker, hehe.” ]
[ “I told you, meat is the best!” ]
[ “Ah, I almost forgot.. Good night, Sakura-san.” ]
Suisei hummed happily, closed her eyes and thought about what else she should tell Miko. For her, there are too many things.
If only one word could tell everything she wouldn’t be in this trouble. However, she didn’t complain. In fact, she’s willing to run into trouble as long as it involved Miko in it.
Even tonight is still the same. There was only her, her soothing breath and Miko’s shadow that ushered her towards her sleeping throne.
Suisei’s days began to radiate color since getting to know Miko. The monochrome mundane she had seen all this time began to curve, forming a color from one side to another. The canvas in her heart that she had left blank all this time began to fill. Her hatred for the world diminished. Except for one thing, she still hates mornings.
Suisei woke up excitedly today, it felt like she could do anything from now on. Strange, she thought.
The smile from last night hadn’t disappeared from her face as she walked towards her campus, spurring her feet towards something that in the reluctance never felt so pleasant.
The traffic signs changed colors, playing their same magic over and over again as black magic covered in white lines let the citizens pass through it.
Suisei kept wondering, when was the last time she had enjoyed something this much in her life. She asked, but the answer never came.
[ “Good morning, Sakura-san. You too, good luck for today.” ]
She kept humming, playing a pure soft serenade as she pranced along the streets.
There were times when Suisei was mean to her like pretending not to send her a message, being cold by only sending a very short message, provoking her to reply. But it was all just left read by Miko, again, as usual.
Her childish side appeared only to Miko. Strangely enough, however, she couldn’t stop wondering why.
Suisei recently realized by judging and calculating from the arrival of her first letter, it was always exactly a week.
After struggling with her grueling activities, Suisei is surprised to find Miko’s letter inside her locker.
“Shouldn’t she be sending it in three days.”
Suisei thought she had miscalculated, but she couldn’t be happier that it had arrived sooner. Curiosity filled her and she rushed to open it, and found...
₍₍ ꒰ঌ ( -᷄ ᴗ -᷅ )໒꒱ ₎₎
“Oi, Sakura-san. You’ve done it..” She grumbled.
Suisei had guessed, finding it odd why her letter had arrived so early, but she ignored the thought, which was a mistake.
She never expected to be teased back by Miko like this, never the slightest bit in her mind.
Her finger aggressively typed and sent Miko a message.
[ “Sakura-san, I bet, you must be laughing now, right? Just you wait!” ]
This simple exchange of antics, felt very soothing to them. The stammerity they created soars further and further as two distant hearts were brought closer in the process.
Another day ends, closing with Suisei incessantly grumbling to Miko about her trap letter.
There were still one more days before the letter arrived. Her class ended sooner than she expected. Suisei had to put her books in her locker before preparing to go home.
“No way..”
She repeatedly blinked her eyes, making sure she didn’t see something that shouldn’t be there.
No matter how many times she blinked and shook her head.. the letter was still there, sitting nicely among the things.
Suisei hesitated to open it, her finger moving much slower than the slug crawling away from its predator.
She peeked slowly and was greeted with a neat black line that was beautifully written on the letter. Suisei was relieved. at least, this time it’s not a trap again.
“I’m going to have a heart attack at this rate, dummy.” She complained, but her smile couldn’t be masked by it.
I surprised you again didn’t I? hehe..
Sorry but I couldn’t help but tease you, I saw an opportunity and took it. But but... that’s because you’re being annoying too!
So.. that’s why, as well as an apology I decided to send this sooner, hehe.
I can’t bear to keep reading the grunts you sent, you know!
How was your day Hoshimachi-san? Me? Let’s see... Ah! today I walked along the garden.. I’ve always liked flowers.. how about you, do you like them too?
And you know? when I sat down because I was tired, the kids came to me and told me to read a fairy tale! Of course I did, didn’t I tell you I can do anything! I’m great, right? hehe..
Also, when I started to tell the story, there were some children who listened in amazement, some were busy with their own toys, and there was one child who kept asking this and that. They are all cute!
You know? the kid who keeps asking is similar to someone I know who keeps sending others messages.. i wonder who.. hehe.
Then, I guess that’s it..
Good night, Hoshimachi-san.
Suisei found herself staring at the ceiling. This time, Miko not only answered her question, she also started to tell her daily life that made Suisei very happy.
The glacier she was trying to melt started to reveal crystal fragments inside.
She buried her face into her pillow again and screamed out her unbearable happiness through it.
Amidst the blizzard despite stumbling, she made it this far. Suisei only needed to grip the crystal now, even if it had to freeze her, there was no turning back now.
“Good night too, Sakura-san.”
They kept in touch for a while with Suisei who kept sending her messages, and Miko who replied to her with a letter a week later.
Suisei who was getting impatient decided to give her a call. A week wasn’t a short time, it was too long. At least for her.
Her hands relentlessly oozing sweat. Suisei had never been so nervous before, not when she called her sister when she was causing trouble, not when she called her professor about the course.
Her thumb kept on top of the call button then away, then on top of it again. Repeatedly.
“You can do it, Hoshimachi. It’s just a normal phone call.” She reassured herself.
Suisei closed her eyes and pressed the button, she had done it, but her heartbeat was getting worse.
At first, her call was ignored.
Secondly, it was rejected.
However, she chose to calling her continuously.
The tone of her heart was in harmony with the sound of the incoming call, and then... it stopped.
“Y-you answer. Finally!”
Her voice was hoarse, she wanted to curse herself because the first impression that came out was so bad.
Suisei had been waiting for a while but the other party had not made a sound at all.
“Hellooo! you there?”
“Y-yes.. I am..”
Her voice was so low that it was almost inaudible. A fragile voice that seemed to disappear with just a touch sounded from the other side. Just before Suisei could ask, she could hear her sighing through her phone.
“You really are stubborn, huh.”
“Wow, you can talk. Hey, Sakura-saー”
“Of course I am. Also, Mikochi.. all my acquaintances call me that.”
“Then, you can call me Sui-chan..”
Suisei didn’t expect their first call to go smoothly, what’s more she answered the phone. Even if it felt one-sided or ended up with only Suisei continuing to talk and being answered curtly by Miko. She doesn’t mind. It all paid off with her being able to hear her voice.
“Then, good night, Mikochi.”
“Mhm, good night, S-suichan..”
Suisei didn’t want to end the call, she still wanted to continue talking to Miko. But she had no other choice. Besides, she could still do it next time.
Their call ended, but the heat on Suisei’s face still hadn’t cooled, a red tinge propagated from her cheeks to her ears.
“I like her voice.” She says quietly before she stumbled and fell asleep.
This indirect, archaic and stammering relationships. Somehow it felt comfortable for her.
A change ensues, in between a boring week she could call Miko while waiting for her letter to relieve her boredom. Miko had already told her if she hadn’t picked up her phone after 10 minutes it was a sign she was busy. But Suisei ignored it, as usual.
She couldn’t bear to hear her voice. After all, Miko’s voice acts as a guaranteed elixir to induce serenity to her.
Just by hearing her voice could make her pound wildly, just by hearing her voice could take all the burden off her shoulders.
Her voice was as soft as silk, thin yet sharp that pierced Suisei right in her heart in every rhyme, either when she whined, or made fun of her, or even when she suddenly said something sweet, bestowed Suisei with unparalleled happiness.
There was another night when Suisei sat on her couch wrapped in a blanket as she spoke on the phone with Miko.
“Sui-chan, isn’t it enough with just my letter?”
“But you pick up the phone.” She said casually.
“That’s because you keep calling me!” Miko whined.
“Watch out, your baby side is out! haha.”
“How many times do I have to tell you, I’m not a baby!”
Casual exchanges, warm banter they always throw at each other started to fill Suisei’s night which she usually ended up sleeping after reading Miko’s letter.
In the small world they created out of awkwardness slowly changed as the two of them could laugh carelessly and share laughter with each other through their particular jokes.
There were times when they fell silent and heard each other’s breathing and heartbeats as they ran out of topics. A bit awkward, but that’s how they are, they never complain to each other, and choose to enjoy every second of it.
“Hey, Mikochi... what do you think of idols?”
Suisei tried to bring the topic she had buried deep in her heart to the fore.
“Aren’t they good? Can perform on the stage they dream of and sing their song stunningly. I’ve always wanted to be like them but that seems impossible for me, hehe.”
Suisei fell silent after hearing Miko’s answer, She shook her head and asked doubtfully.
“Mikochi... do you think I can do it?”
“Do what?”
“Become like them...”
Suisei finally uttered it, a wish that she endured for so long. She anxiously waited for Miko’s answer.
“Of course you can do it, I will support you wholeheartedly!”
There is no doubt in Miko’s words. The barrier was removed as Miko dealt the final blow to the padlock that locked her desire to move forward.
Suisei wants to meet Miko, but Miko always makes excuses.
Only letters and phone calls are not enough for Suisei. She wanted to feel Miko’s presence directly, she wanted to embrace foreign existence of her that she could only know through reading and hearing. She wanted to see her face, wanted to know how her gaze was, wanted to know how sweet her smile was. Suisei really wanted to know all that.
There are times when Suisei invites her to meet in her message but Miko ignores her and doesn’t nudge the topic, there are also times when Suisei invites her to meet when the two of them talk on the phone but are instead cut off by Miko.
Something that Miko tried to hide really bothered her.
Suisei sank into the windy darkness. Like calm water in a lake, her pale skin slowly reflecting the moonlight as she sat on the balcony. Two souls huddled in the cold, spreading warmth when combined as they both spoke heart to heart.
“Hey, Mikochi I want to meet y—”
“Sui-chan! can you sing for me again?”
Again, Miko cut off her intentions. Suisei gave up, and decided to sing the song she’d been writing recently.
A ballad song that embodies her desire to be seen or heard by someone in the middle of nowhere without a direction through her song, her wish to move forward in the endless night, her wish to light up someone else’s night.
Her song ended, the two fell silent. Suisei faintly heard a sob from the other side.
“Eh!? Mikochi what happened? Why are you crying?” Suisei asked frantically.
“Because.. that sounds painful.. must be very lonely, right? Don’t worry.. I can hear you and always will be.” Miko sobbed.
"Hey, it’s okay.. I’m fine, you don’t have to cry.. and also, thank you.. Mikochi.” She replied soothingly.
Suisei was really grateful that she had Miko at this time, a place where she could let go of her anxiety, a place where she had nothing to worry about. She really wants to protect this place.
“Sui-chan.. you have to achieve your dreams no matter how hard the things that await you in the future.”
For some reason Miko’s sentence contained a peculiar kind of staunch desire in it, Suisei thought but she heeded it.
“Hehe, of course I will, just you wait until I make my name known to the whole world. Also, tomorrow I will start the auditon!”
“Really? I can’t wait to hear the results!”
“Then.. good night?”
“Yeah, good night, Sui-chan.”
Call ends. Suisei prepares for a new day tomorrow. But..
Suisei never thought, it was the last time she could hear Miko’s voice.
In front of her, a fierce-looking judge stared at her as she attended her audition. Her eyes roamed the room, trying to calm her nervousness.
The music started playing, Suisei took a deep breath and let out all her might...
“I failed.”
Suisei lay limply on her bed, she was disappointed with herself for not being able to show her best.
Suisei was afraid to tell Miko that she failed her audition, she didn’t want to see her disappointed. However, she also couldn’t calm down if she didn’t tell her about it.
She hesitantly reaches for her phone and tries to call her but... her phone is off.
“Eh!? why?”
Suisei called her again as much as she could, but the result did not change.
“Maybe she is busy. Besides, I can see her letter tomorrow.”
She tried to deceive herself, allaying her worries by forcing herself to sleep. However, it didn’t work.
“Nothing?”
The letter that was supposed to be in her locker today was not there.
Suisei rummaged through her locker aggressively just in case she missed it. However, it didn’t change, her letter wasn’t there. No matter how many times she wished it would be there.
Everything she thought could last forever was snatched from her. Miko suddenly disappeared from her life. Her phone is off, Letters from her stopped coming.
Suisei’s day started from nothing again. No Miko nor a letter from her. Suisei explores the void aimlessly once again, alone.
Even so, she kept checking her locker every day, she was sure that Miko would send her letter again.
Suisei also decided to look for her. She asked people around campus, but the problem is she doesn’t even know what Miko looks like, she stuttered when asked and couldn’t explain well.
However, she hasn’t given up yet. With all her efforts, she explained everything she could to others but to no avail.
She kept searching for Miko, following her nonexistent trail, checking one tree after another she could find. However, no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t find a cherry tree in the middle of the wilderness.
Suisei realized that she had gone too far into the forest, her soul lost in uncertainty.
Time passes so quickly. Her helplessness, confusion, fatigue and worry piled up inside her. Suisei didn’t know what to do anymore. She floated in the ocean without being allowed to sink.
Her cold locker bore a silent witness to her defeat as she leaned desperately at it.
“Mikochi.. Where are you? This has been a month now. Are you hate me now? I’m sorry but I failed the audition, even though you have supported me. Where were you when I needed you the most.. I’m sorry for stubbornly forcing you to meet, sorry if I keep asking for it. I will never do it again. I won’t ask for more so, please, Mikochi.. send me your letter again just like it used to be, please.”
Her hopes were answered, a week later she got a letter from Miko. Something she had been waiting for a long time, something that should have given her her usual happiness.. only made things worse.
Sui-chan, I’m sorry. I took so long to reply to your message. I wanted to tell you but I didn’t want to interrupt your audition. That’s why I didn’t send this letter sooner.
Sorry, I didn’t plan on hiding this from you. Actually I... have a disease. I’m dying Sui-chan. I wanted to tell you, really. But my condition is getting worse each day which makes me even more scared to tell you.
I’m sorry Sui-chan. But in exchange, I prepared a present for you! I left it in your mailbox, take it. You must be wondering how do I know your address? Hehe I’m elite after all.
Her search ended, in the eerie wilderness, she found it.
A dying cherry tree shed its last petal in front of her. But before it fell to the ground, once again, it flew away.
“Wait.. please don’t go.”
Suisei tried to chase after it, holding out her arms in the air to catch it, but it flew further and further away.
Its petal oscillated in the air, resisting the gravitational force that forced it to stay down as it continued to air.
Before Suisei knew it she was already in front of her house. The petal lost the wind that kept it in the air as it fell slowly onto the mailbox and disappeared.
Suisei walked to her mailbox and found a letter lying neatly inside, and took it out.
This letter, somehow, much heavier than usual, it’s also has a different look than usual with a combination of pink and blue color along with a comet and sakura stamp on it.
“Mikochi, you’re still going to send me letters right? We’re still going to talk on the phone till morning, right?” She asked tentatively.
10 minutes had passed but Suisei hasn’t move at all from her position who was still sitting on the edge of her bed staring blankly at the wall with a letter in her hand, left unopened.
She took a deep breath, with her hands still shaking, she limply opened it and found some photos with a piece of paper inside.
The first photo shows Miko holding the first letter she sent to Suisei. When Suisei saw that the tears she was holding back were shed. She turned over the photo and found a small note written on it.
December 3, there was a girl who tries to warm a cold-hearted girl by constantly messaging her and asking weird questions. Guess what? She made it.
“Why..”
The second photo shows Miko with a filter that dyes her hair blue.
January 9, Hoshimachi Miko was born. Wait, it doesn’t fit at all.. maybe I should think of a better name. But hey, I’m not that bad with blue hair too, right? How? Isn’t this just like your hair? Hehe.
“I don’t want this.”
The third photo shows Miko smiling while pressing her cheek against her cat.
February 5, Today was the first voice conversation of two strangers. I like her voice.
“Make it stop.”
Suisei flipped through each photo, heavy-heartedly. The more she saw it, the more she knew how this would end. She just didn’t want to accept it.
Suisei kept flipping until she realized she had reached the last photo.
Next photo shows Miko smiling broadly holding a blue penlight.
March 3, Don’t bother her, she’s auditioning right now! Miko’s plan: support her wholeheartedly in secret!
“....”
Her blue was fading, her eyes were empty, there was nothing left in them, be it hope or happiness they all left her in a puddle of despair.
If this was a sacrifice she had to pay in order to see her figure, she would rather never know it all.
Her hand swinging helplessly to reach for her letter that lying on the cold, heartless bed.
Dear Hoshimachi Suisei,
Sui-chan sorry I always refuse when you ask me to meet you. I also want to do it, but I can’t. Therefore, just think of this gift as our informal 'meeting' and also as an apology from me. I have been waiting for your audition to finish and look forward to hearing the results.
I promised myself that if you were accepted, I would like to meet you and congratulate you in person! but... I won’t be able to last until that day.
I really want to see you, but I’m the one who distanced myself from you, I’m scared. I don’t know what kind of face to show you. I’m scared you would leave me after we met.
I hate how much I want to see you, but I also don’t want you to see me in this state. I’m scare to face you. That’s why, please, forgive this cowardly, stubborn and selfish me.
I want to see you shine on the stage you’ve always dreamed of, really. Although I don’t know what your face looks like yet, but I’m sure Sui-chan must be cute.
You know? When we’re on call. This quiet me, oddly enough, can have a normal conversation with you, it always feels like I can talk to you by saying nothing at all. It’s a mystery isn’t?
I always love your voice, I always play the recordings you send me before I go to sleep. It always calms me down and helps me get through the lonely nights.
Also, you asked me about your way of speaking and which one that I like, right? And I answered both, sorry I lied. I know you’re forcing your 'cutesy' way of speaking. I know you’re uncomfortable with how many times I hear you clearing your throat when we’re on the phone. I know you did it to sound like most people’s idol type. I just don’t want you to be too hard on yourself. If I had to choose, I prefer your natural voice.
You don’t have to follow the idol you like. Instead, why not make your own, isn’t that more interesting? but but this is just my opinion. Don’t worry you can still do it if you want.
Sui-chan, sorry but this will be my last letter for you. How about the present? Do you like it? How? I’m cute right? Are you in love with me? Hehe.
My days have always been more pleasant since meeting you. And oh yeah, I bet you must think I’m an archaic for replying to your messages by letter, refusing to messages you on phone, while agreeing a phone call, weird isn’t? You can say it’s the embodiment of my selfishness wanting to hear your voice, forcing me out of a path where I shouldn’t have left any traces before I left.
I’m sorry, but I really didn’t lie when I said that I liked your voice. Also, you know? The writing on the letter will fade after years right? So, I hope, after that... you can forget about me and you can also throw that photo away.
Sui-chan, keep chasing your dreams, I’m sure you can achieve it. I will always be your number one fan! and above all Sui-chan is also cute today! Live for me, Sui-chan! And one more thing, EAT MORE VEGETABLES!
- Sakura Miko
“Mikochi... I can’t even tell you that I failed the audition, even if I succeeded you wouldn’t be here either. It’s all meaningless.”
Her voice trembled, mirroring her thoughts and feelings more than she wished.
Her world faded, the voices around her disappeared, she screamed mutely, she rejected the reality before her eyes. Her soul and body were forced to dance with agony. The black and white keys in her heart played a tone of despair.
Her gaze was drawn by the impropriety on the letter.
Suisei noticed something strange about this letter as if it was torn off and reattached with different paper. Unequal colors are vaguely visible, each line is misaligned.
“Mikochi... what are you trying to hide? Am I not even allowed to know that?”
Suisei reached the end of the letter, an unpalatable journey filled with thorns along her way.
There was nothing left except a photo of Miko attached at the end, showing her hugging a comet-shaped knitted doll. Her beautiful round green eyes, her shiny and brittle pink hair, her chubby cheeks that exude a blush, and her unchanging smile from one photo to another.
Suisei realized one thing after seeing all those photos; her green eyes tells a lie and truth, both, at the same time.
May 5, “Sakura Mikー
As soon as she saw the last note that Miko couldn’t even finish. Suisei burst into tears immediately, she hugged her photo and letter tightly to her chest as she sobbed.
“I want to meet you in person. Not like this, not through your sheets of photos and letters that even I can’t feel the warmth of. Mikochi... you’re so cruel. You know your request is impossible, right? Forget you? Don’t be joking! You know i can’t do that, right?”
Suisei knew, all this time she was wrong. She only intended to help her gain her confidence and she would leave her once it succeeds, only that. But, after being consumed by time and space, with how close they are now. She couldn’t do it.
She realized now. All the unreasonable things she can’t explain before, all her attraction to her, all the pleasure when reading her letter, all the feeling of impatience waiting for a reply from her, all the worried feelings about her, all things related to her, she knew how much she wanted her, wanted to hold her hand, hug her tightly.
Suisei found the answer after avoiding it all this time and she found it at the worst time.
Suisei kept thinking about that time. If only she hadn’t ended their call sooner, if only she had satisfied herself by hearing her voice as long as she could, if only she had realized her feelings sooner, if only...
Suisei knew there was no point in saying this now, but she says it anyway.
“Mikochi... Iー love you.”
“Miss, you came again today.” A warm greeting from the old man who took care of the place sounded into her ears.
Suisei bowed to him as she passed to her destination. She had lost count of how many times she had visited this place, sometimes she came alone, sometimes with her sister.
It has become Suisei’s new routine to come to this place and pour out all the grievances she has gone through. Every day, in front of a cold tombstone in order to keep her sanity.
Nothing has changed, she is still mourning, she is still waiting. It’s just that this time, no matter how long she waits, whether it’s weeks, months, or even years. She would never get a reply from Miko.
The monochrome mundane she hadn’t seen for a long time came back again. Her figure standing with drooping shoulders in the middle of the cemetery, a flower in her hand that lost its charm, clasped as it torn apart in her grief.
“One more.. just one more time.. send me your letter again, Mikochi.” She said, hoping for the impossible.
Rain slowly formed from her eyes. Again, she cried without tears, not because she wanted to. It’s just that, she didn’t shed tears anymore, for the umpteenth time now.
“I’ll come again tomorrow, Mikochi.”
She said as she walked up the hill full of shards and left the place, leaving pieces of her heart there every time she comes.
Suisei is on the verge of extinction. When she loses any reason to survive, Miko came to fill her with something she had longed for through the warmth of hands that she had always wanted to feel.
Miko gave her a new reason to try but she was also the one who gave her another reason to disappear.
The heavy rainfall at the end of may was like a bullet firing at the birds that flew shuffling with their wetness wings.
“Where are you going Sui-chan?” Her sister asked.
“To that place.” Suisei replied simply.
Her sister sighed in frustration, “How long are you going to stay like this?”
Suisei didn’t answer, her eyes undress the ancient unrevealable emotions through the blue that lost its stars had already told it all. Their gazes met, her eyes looked at her sister but it was like she’s staring at something else, searching for something else.
Her sister resigned, “Wait here.” She said before rushing towards her room.
In front of Suisei, something she hadn’t seen in a long time caught her eye when her sister gave it away.
“This... where did you get this?”
“Read it and you’ll know.”
Questions arose in Suisei’s head. Before her, a pink letter perched on her exposed hand. Her hand moved slowly to loosen the glue that sealed the letter.
Hey, how are you? Ah you must be in a bad state if you read this. Sui-chan.. you idiot! stop worrying me!
If you read this, it means that your sister has already told you, I accidentally met her at the hospital, and asked her to keep this secret from you. I also asked her to give you this letter and hope it can cheer you up even if just a little.
I can’t rest easy thinking about what will happen to you so I wrote this. I wish you wouldn’t read this. I asked your sister to throw it away if you were okay. But...
I want to see Sui-chan who has always been cheerful, who is stubborn in achieving her goals, not Sui-chan who is in a downturn like this.
I beg you, Sui-chan. Stop mourning for my sake.
Raise your head, spread happiness to others too, shines their mornings, light up their nights with your songs, as you always do to me!
Sui-chan this time will really be my last.
Sorry, but I seem to keep adding my list of lies to you. Ah, I said it again... how many times have I said sorry in my letter hehe.
And...
Thank you for being a rainbow in my plain grey days.
Thank you for giving me one chance to enjoy it all again.
Thank you for staying, even though I’m being annoying towards you.
Thank you for filling the withered garden in my heart.
Thank you for accompanying me to dance in the drizzle-dazzle all this time.
Thank you for everything.
But..
That’s enough. You’ve done a lot for me, now it's my turn to help you.
Sometimes it’s okay to vomit a soft sound, and when it’s hard, you can cry and you can rely on your sister too. You know? She’s really worried about you.
Then.. I’ll be going now. Goodbye.
Cheer up, Sui-chan! Don’t you dare be sad again after this!
P.S. I asked your sister to smack your head if you’re still sad after this. ˙˚ʚ(ಠ‸ಠ✿)ɞ˚˙
- Elite Miko
“Mikochi.. I should be the one who said thank you.”
A wall of mist that dispelled the light began to crack. The pieces of her heart that had been broken and scattered were put back together by Miko.
Her tanzanite are dazzling again as its glitter lines slowly form new stars through its constellations.
The clogged springs began to flow again. The tears that had been held back all this time began to flow like a waterfall on her face. Just like any other waterfall, a dim rainbow could be seen on her face as the weight she had been carrying lifted off her shoulders.
Suisei’s bland laugh that full of relief echoed through the air. She stumbled and nearly fell before her sister caught her into a warm embrace.
“You know? Despite her troubled times, she never stopped worrying about you. So, at least stop making her worry anymore, make her wish come true, show her the 'Hoshimachi Suisei' she’s always known.” Her sister explained slowly as she rubbed her head, tenderly.
In her cries, Suisei quietly listened to her sister’s words and gave a slow nod.
“Onee-chan... do you think I can do it? Become an idol...” She asked quietly in a quavering voice as her cries slowly subsided.
The nights that Suisei spent without sleep, a feeling of accumulated fatigue began to overwhelm her all at once.
“Of course you can do it.” Her sister said supportively.
Suisei fuzzily heard her sister’s voice and offered her sweet smile before consciousness left her.
Hoshimachi Suisei who had been stalled. Began to move forward, once again.
Suisei had been running to achieve her dream for the past year, being rejected at some point, but she’s still running. There were times, when she was completely tired and almost gave up, Miko’s unchanging smile always appeared at that moment and pulled her from the abyss.
Even today, Suisei visited Miko again.
It was late in march, where the snow melted into water in a place of immaculateness. She stood so dazzling. This time was different, no more withering flowers, no more burden in her eyes, no more doubts, only faith.
“Mikochi.. seems like the snow that you liked so much.. melted.”
Suisei stared at the gray clouds above her as the sun peered sheepishly through the ice cloud plumes. The pile of snow started to melt, some crystal snowflakes fall on her beret to reveal the wondrous beauty of the minute in nature.
“Mikochi, I want to tell you that... I passed the audition! today I am going to make my debut! hehe I’m great right?” She giggled.
“And also and also, Mikochi you know? Today I ate it! Vegetables! I ate it! yeah, even if only a little and with ramen!” She added happily.
Suisei proudly explained to her about how she could finally eat vegetables. Starting with her eating spinach along with noodles, telling her that she ate onions as well along with burger, telling her that if she eats vegetables with other foods it can make the taste of vegetables disappear. Quite simple, but Suisei continued to brag, contentedly.
“Sui-chan you will be late for your debut!” Her sister called from a distance, “Hurry up, I’ll wait for you in the car.” She added half-shouting.
“Then, I’ll be going now.. Mikochi.”
When Suisei turned to leave the cemetery, a pink winds twisted and danced through the air before patting her shoulder smoothly. She vaguely felt a palm in the form of wind pushing her on her back.
Suisei was taken aback, she suddenly remembered the letter Miko had sent. 'I want to congratulate you in person.'
Suisei turned her head and smiled.
“You really came... Thank you, Mikochi.”
The beauty of the snow is evanescent, it fades but to come again. Just like any other seasons that will come again and amaze the world with its diverse beauty.
Just like her green eyes that reflecting spring.
Just like the red hues on her cheeks that reflecting summer.
Just like her pink hair that reflecting autumn.
Just like her pale skin that reflecting winter.
All of it, eternally.
Many years had passed since that day, Inside one of the buildings in tokyo, the sound from the heater was faintly heard.
In a winter that was coming to an end, her body curled up wrapped in a thick blanket as she sat in a chair right in front of her PC.
A fluffy mochi with a blue spiral on its forehead fell asleep in her lap as she sipped her coffee. She fiddled with its fur, twisting and stroking it gently, before she lowered it to the floor.
“Sorry for waking you up, but I have something to do now, I will play with you again later.”
“I am gonna do my best today too.” She said smiling as she looked at a photo of a pink-haired girl hugging a knitted comet-shaped doll, neatly framed in the corner of her desk.
She took a deep breath before clicking the button to start the live broadcast.
“It’s your shooting star, your diamond in the rough, idol VTuber Hoshimachi Suisei! Sui-chan isー? Also cute today!”
Somewhere in the spring, the last cherry blossom petal falls, separating itself from the twigs that encapsulate it.
Somewhere in the spring, on the same day, date, and time when her last letter arrived. The last traces she left behind wandered into nothingness as spring came to an end.
Somewhere in the spring, inside a garbage incinerator, a torn piece of paper with a text on it flies around aimlessly before being devoured by fire.
Even so, her lies and honesty, both, mingled with fire before parting and becoming a spiral of dust that wandered into the eternal sleep.
Both were revealed, but never delivered.
May 5, “Sakura Miko who wish to live longer and say she love Hoshimachi Suisei.”