Work Text:
SEPTEMBER 1ST
Xie Lian woke up on her nearly empty air mattress in her nearly empty apartment full of energy. Sunshine! Possibility! Not too much humidity! WOW! It was going to be a great day.
What should she have for breakfast? She had… HMMMM uhhhh well the milk wasn't CLUMPING yet so it should be fine, right? And there was… old rice and… ketchup…
BZZZZZZZ~
San Lang was at the door, handing Xie Lian a paper bag and a drink tray as she took off her red Converse. “Bagels?”
What a great best friend! Really couldn’t ask for a better best friend! A very attractive best friend? Wow, why was San Lang so… It was like staring into fire sometimes. All the time. Dazzling and warm, and always so bright, today in a crimson romper and coordinating eye patch. Her mouth quirked just a little, always, like Xie Lian was the most amusing, endearing thing in the world, always. It made Xie Lian just want to… just… just.. maybe (always) do something to that mouth… uhhhhh HAHAHA what???
Did people normally think about their best friends this way? Oh well! Iced matcha latte time.
Xie Lian didn’t have a table yet (or anything) so they ate on the floor. San Lang was an elegant splay of limbs, while Xie Lian was unwashed in a fifteen-year-old puff painted t-shirt and holey shorts. But Xie Lian never felt negative about herself in comparison. On the contrary, around San Lang she was settled, easy. Like even her soul could stretch out and relax. So un-self-conscious of herself… and yet, still so conscious of San Lang.
Like right now. There was whipped cream on San Lang's nose, pulling Xie Lian like a gravity well. How did that silly, silly (cute cute cute) San Lang always get whipped cream on her nose?
“Jiejie.”
Ah! Called out! Was San Lang able to tell what Xie Lian was thinking? (Which was nothing, really, nothing!) Time to act normal! “Hahahaha!” That was normal, right? “Yes, San Lang?”
“I have a problem maybe you can help me with.”
“Oh?”
“Yes.” San Lang set down her coffee. “My friend asked me to take care of her truck today, and I don't know what to do with it.”
“What? A truck?” That would make things so much easier! (Why would a truck need to be ‘taken care of’ though? But, anyway…) “Did you drive it here?”
“Yes.”
“Well, San Lang, I have a problem maybe you can help me with.”
“Yes Jiejie?”
Ah, that nose! That cute little creamy nose! It was even be’cinnamoned! How was Xie Lian supposed to stay becalmed? But, ANYWAY. “You know what today is, right?”
“September First.”
“Yes. September First.” A day of chaos, a day of serendipity… Xie Lian’s favorite day. “Allston Christmas.”
Boston was a city of students, especially here, in the cheap-ish neighborhood of Allston-Brighton, and, oh, those poor saps. (Xie Lian was finally no longer one of them.) They moved from overpriced building to overpriced building, all on the same day when every lease seemed to be up, at the beginning of September. In the desperate shuffle, they left their stuff everywhere—just, on the street! On the street! Just WAITING for the right intrepid person to discover it and make it theirs. A sidewalk sale where everything was free! A treasure trove of the abandoned! Okay, most of it was crap, BUT. BUT. When you got LUCKY. You could get an entire apartment’s worth of good stuff! Which was what Xie Lian was planning.
Sure, she could, like, buy things. With money that she now had, apparently. She had a new job; that was why the new apartment (that she’d moved into two weeks ago and NOT today, thank the gods). And she was going to be… apparently, apparently, supposedly… ‘financially secure.’ But, how long would that last? Things had fallen apart before, why wouldn’t they a second time? Wasn’t it better not to tempt fate and live so lightly it wouldn’t hurt when she lost everything all over again? Only take a little little little bit and not too much—only what she deserved, really.
Come on, Xie Lian had already spent money on a studio apartment, a luxury which was simply OUTLANDISH. What was she going to do now, invest in nice furniture? HA!
“Ah.” San Lang smiled her wry smile. “And you want help shopping?”
“If you’re not looking at apartments today…” San Lang was also planning to move, but hadn’t found a place yet. Probably because she had standards. And money.
“Nope.” San Lang leaned back against the wall, still smiling.
“And if you aren’t busy with work…” San Lang had a start-up—yes, a start-up, already! San Lang was so smart. Xie Lian didn’t understand most of what they did, other than it was called Ghost City and involved AI, and all the algorithms were named, for some reason, Dianxia. The small but posh office was next door to San Lang’s MIT in Cambridge, painted red from floor to ceiling. It must keep San Lang very busy, but, somehow, she always found time to be with Xie Lian.
“Nope. I’m all yours.”
Hahahahaha oh this San Lang. Just… saying things like that… And there was that puff of cream still on her nose…
Usually Xie Lian didn’t do it for her, usually Xie Lian just told her, but…
Xie Lian leaned forward and rubbed it off with a finger.
San Lang stilled like a fawn. Ah, maybe San Lang didn’t like sudden touch after all? “I—you… Cream…" Ah, no, now…
Sometimes (often), San Lang looked at Xie Lian like she was also a large Dunkin Caramel Craze iced latte with extra whipped cream, and she was going to savor her down to the last drop.
With a smirk, San Lang put that still posed finger in her mouth.
HAHAHAHAHAHA okay wow. WOW. Welllllll Xie Lian hadn’t thought she had that thing called ‘libido’ many other people seemed to have, but, HAHAHAHAHA apparently she did? Because… wow. Wow.
With a last lick, San Lang released Xie Lian’s finger. “Thanks, Jiejie.”
“Ahem, yes, n—no problem. I’ll just—We’ll just—I’ll get dressed and then we can, um. Do things together. I MEAN. Collect scraps.”
“Yes Jiejie.” San Lang was back to smiling innocently. Dazzlingly. “We’re going to make you the goddess of scrap collecting.”
~~~
SEPTEMBER 4TH, 4 YEARS AGO
Xie Lian had made it to the bus stop. She’d figured out where it was and how it was marked and was waiting at it. She could do this whole ‘alone in the city’ thing. And she MUST be in the right place because there was someone else waiting too, a girl around her age with a sideways ponytail who also appeared to be Chinese. She wore black jean short cutoffs, but, over fishnet tights? You could do that? So cool!
The girl was tapping her Charlie Card (Xie Lian needed to get one of those) against her palm, so, she was probably a local? She had nice hands. Uh. Xie Lian didn't really have specific qualifications for what made hands ‘nice,’ it was just, an instinctive aesthetic yearning. The way they moved, maybe, like flame.
“Hi!” Xie Lian said. Oh no. You weren’t supposed to do that in the city, were you, be randomly friendly to strangers minding their own business?
The girl looked up at Xie Lian—or rather, down; she was tall. She smiled. “Hi.” She was wearing lipstick, a bright red-pink like the azaleas a few streets back that always stopped Xie Lian in her tracks. And an eyepatch, that matched. Wow! This girl was cooler and cooler the more Xie Lian looked… Oops she was staring.
The girl’s smile was wry now. “Do you like my Lasting Passion?”
“What?”
The girl laughed. “That’s the name of the lipstick shade.”
“Oh.” Xie Lian could tell the girl wasn’t laughing at her, just gently teasing, like they’d known each other for years. “Yes, very beautiful, very passionate.” WOW, had she really just said that?
“The lipstick, or me?”
Oh wow. Wowwwww. Xie Lian was probably blushing Lasting Passion herself, but, somehow that was nice? Oh, but here was the bus!
Xie Lian might not have a Charlie Card, but she was prepared. She had her bag of coins, and was all ready to… hmmmm oh no.
“You can’t pay with pennies,” the bus driver said.
Xie Lian coughed. “Ah. But, is it not still money? I counted it all beforehand…”
The girl, behind her, laughed again. “Don’t worry, I got you.” She scanned her card twice and motioned Xie Lian on. The bus surged back into traffic and Xie Lian nearly fell. City life. Ah. How embarrassing. Plus, she’d worked really hard for those pennies! Do you know how many sidewalks she’d scrounged? That was a lot of looking down!
Xie Lian sank into a seat, with the girl next to her. “Thank you, I really appreciate it. I can pay you back.”
“No need.”
“Here, you can… Ha.” Xie Lian stopped herself from handing over the bag of coins. This girl was too hip to walk around with 170 pennies rattling in her purse—especially a purse that cool, with spikes and silver butterflies. “I could give you, um…” She had to have some kind of food in her tote bag, right? Ah ha! “Milk bread?” It was several days old from the discount shelf, but…
“Really, no need.”
“Well, I’m going to eat it.” Xie Lian opened the wrapper and managed to neatly split it in half. This girl wasn't the only one who could act confidently, take that! “Would you like some?”
The girl accepted, smiling. Xie Lian smiled back. If the city was going to be like this, with such nice, interesting people around, then maybe she’d be okay after all. “My name’s Xie Lian, by the way.”
The girl was eating without ruining her lipstick AT ALL, truly incredible. And still with that charming, sideways smile. “You can call me San Lang.”
~~~
SEPTEMBER 1ST
SCRAP GODDESS LOG #1
Small long shelf, barely scratched. Will be perfect for my collection of discount/too sad to sell/former manager begged me to take them home house plants from Trader Joe’s.
SCRAP GODDESS LOG #3
Only SLIGHTLY broken hanging mirror. Only a LITTLE crack. The frame and hooks are good! And the bad luck won’t apply to me, since it’s already broken. And… too late for me to worry about bad luck anyway…
SCRAP GODDESS LOG #8
A little pot that is a snail. A SNAIL.
"HmmmmMMMMmmmm." Xie Lian was humming, hadn’t stopped humming—except to sip her water. She and San Lang were taking a break in the truck, AC on, music playing. They were listening to Jolin Tsai’s Play album (the best one, in Xie Lian’s opinion). They’d made it to the last song… which Xie Lian recalled had a music video with two women kissing and getting married… Hmm, two women… kissing…
“Can I have some?”
Ah! San Lang was watching her, chin propped up. “Oh, sorry!” Xie Lian handed over the water bottle. “I thought you had your own!” And San Lang looked SO thirsty too. Or maybe that was just… hahahaha… that look again.
San Lang took several deep sips, then handed the bottle back, beaming at Xie Lian's beaming. “Yours always tastes better.”
“It does not, silly. Your faucets have filters.” Xie Lian returned it to the (spotless) cupholder. WOW San Lang’s friend kept their car EXCEPTIONALLY clean. It was practically a rental. “This truck is a big help, you’ll have to thank your friend for me.” They were going to be able to fit SO MUCH STUFF—safely, even; San Lang’s friend apparently also had furniture blankets, just, hanging out in the back.
Hmmm…
San Lang chuckled. “Better than a U-HAUL, right? And we don’t have to fear Storrow Drive.”
“Hmm, what?”
“You haven’t heard that?” San Lang settled sideways in her seat. “Storrow Drive goes under an overpass that’s a certain height.” San Lang demonstrated in the air. “But the height of a U-HAUL is also—” That level in the air again. “So if people don’t know or aren’t paying attention to the signs, they get stuck."”
“Oh. Oh no.”
San Lang laughed. She was so good at looking languid and free. She was just… so good. There were several buttons undone on her romper now, because of the lifting things, and the heat, and Xie Lian just wanted to… to…
Nothing! Probably nothing! Hahaha! Today was about FURNITURE.
“Jiejie, you still look flushed, you should drink more water.”
“Ah, hahahaha.” Xie Lian did drink more. Thus putting her mouth… where San Lang’s mouth had been… just like… kissing… HAHAHAHA what!? It was just WATER!
“So that’s the joke of Storrow Drive. Not to be confused with the joke about U-HAULs and lesbians.”
Lesbians? Who was thinking about lesbians? “Ah, what joke is that?”
“What does a lesbian bring to a first date?”
“What?—Oh, a U-HAUL? I see, because of the contrast… with the male stereotype of avoiding commitment… They’re jumping right into… living together…” What a concept! That you could… live with someone. Someone that you were in a romantic relationship with. That you were maybe in a sexual relationship with? Someone… that you shared your home with… all the time. Someone who could be your home. That would just be…
Like, San Lang had stayed over some nights, and they’d shared a bed, and Xie Lian had woken up peacefully without any nightmares, with San Lang smiling at her… but… San Lang had her own life, her own stuff, her own much better stuff; why would she want to be with Xie Lian THAT much?
“San Lang…”
“Mmm?” San Lang was queuing up more music: mxmtoon, on shuffle, the acoustic version of “suffice” playing melancholy and true.
“You… You know if you need help looking for apartments, you can come to me, right?” Xie Lian had spent MONTHS sharing apartment listings for her move (and, hmmmm in the end wasn’t it San Lang who’d found her current place?), but, in return, San Lang never talked about her own search. Which probably meant nothing! San Lang was entitled to her boundaries, and apartment hunting was stressful, after all.
San Lang was smiling, but more carefully than before. “No need to worry about that, Jiejie.”
There was the line, then. At least Xie Lian knew where it was, so she wouldn't trip and fall. “Okay…”
San Lang started up the car. “Ready to keep going?”
“Yes!” Right, right. Back to the plan. It was SUCH a good day, after all. “Let's go!”
~~~
SEPTEMBER 5TH, 4 YEARS AGO
“You can’t pay with nickels.”
“Ah. Hahaha.” Seriously? “But, this is what I have…” It was EXACT change! Can Man had INSISTED she take it after a weekend scavenging together for the bottle return. Was there nothing left in this world for the hardworking underdog? What was she supposed to do, use Coinstar???
“Try this one.” San Lang handed her a Charlie Card, but not the one she’d used for herself. “I found it on the ground.”
Xie Lian held it against the reader, and it was… Oh. Oh wowwww. “Good through DECEMBER?! But…” San Lang guided her to a seat. “That’s… Shouldn’t we return it to its owner?”
“No need to worry. There’s no real way to find who it belongs to, and, with term passes like that, they can just get a replacement.”
“Okay…” So then… So then it could be hers? Then she could… take the bus or train to Stop & Shop instead of walking or waiting for the T to be on shuttle and thus free? She could stop flattening her dollar bills from street performing under library books to use instead of coins? WOW! “San Lang, you’re so lucky.”
“I must be.” San Lang’s lipstick today was more subtle, a dusty mauve named Anna. But her smile was just as bright. “Since I was able to meet you, Jiejie.”
Jiejie. Jiejie. No one called her that. She’d been an only child (“Because you’re so perfect," her parents always said, "Why would we need another?” so then she had to be. Perfect). No one had dared, except a few: a servant’s child, before reprimanded. Mu Qing, snidely, in anger, but not when she left. Feng Xin, hugging Xie Lian in the hospital bed, before Xie Lian sent her away. Now, San Lang.
San Lang’s own name was a joke but this was not. Jiejie. It bloomed from San Lang’s tongue, an improbable flower in the wither of Xie Lian's heart. And it fit.
Well, almost. It fit like the city did: a home to grow into.
San Lang kept smiling, and looking at Xie Lian—one eye, but three thousand times more attention than anyone else ever gave her. “Where are you headed today?”
“Ah! So. There’s this place in Cambridge called the Garment District—which is a store, not a district. Maybe you knew that? They have vintage clothes and also… this floor of clothes. Just, they fill the floor up with clothes, and, you search through to find what you want and pay by the pound. But, today! There’s an event where students get fifteen pounds free!”
“Ah.” San Lang watched her sideways. There was something feline about her, a confidence and puckishness. And focus. “So you like the thrill of the hunt.”
“Haha. Well. Maybe it’s more like… the joy of the really good find? Like, there’s just so much odd wondrous stuff in this world, you never know! But, ah. Where are you going today?”
“Mmm. Nowhere in particular.”
“Really?” Then… Then Xie Lian could ask (did she dare)... Oh why not. “Um. Would you like to come with me?”
“I’d love to.”
“Great!” Was Xie Lian making a friend? Was this how you made friends? She didn’t know, anymore. And. Ah. Well. Xie Lian really wanted a friend. This friend. “But… Are you sure you don’t have anything more important to do?”
“I agreed already, didn’t I?” San Lang stretched out her long legs, today in ripped black jeans. “So either I have a lot of free time, or. I came just to see you.”
Pffft, no way. No one did anything just for Xie Lian. Anymore. But, Xie Lian could play this game too. “Or, maybe… you also like the thrill of the hunt?”
“Jiejie,” San Lang said, and Xie Lian bloomed.
~~~
SEPTEMBER 1ST
SCRAP GODDESS LOG #15
Two swiveling bar stools! In bright red! But… I’m not going to have a BAR; I can’t take them… Maybe we’ll just sit on them for a while…
SCRAP GODDESS LOG #23
Maybe this lamp will work? Maybe I could get a replacement shade at Goodwill or somewhere else? At least it has a light bulb—that MAYBE works.
… Honestly unsure why San Lang is letting me take all this crap hahaha.
SCRAP GODDESS LOG #40
HOLY CRAP. A floral upholstered couch??? With all its cushions??? WOW. It’s so… what did San Lang call it… Cottagecore? And, you know what else San Lang said? “I know how to check for bed bugs.” And then pulled out A MAGNIFYING LOUPE. It was really… um… uh… Well… I’m not sure if she’s watching me write this… but… uh… it was… hot.
“Hot?” San Lang said.
“HAHAHAHA!” Quick, quick, close the notebook—but not suspicious-like—well, probably too late, HAHAHAHA. “Yeah! It’s… hot out! Right?”
“Yes.” San Lang wiped sweat off her forehead to demonstrate. But she was grinning, leaning back as the two of the rested on the back of the truck. “Not too hot though? You’re okay?”
“Y—Yeah.” Xie Lian was GREAT, San Lang was so so great, everything was great. Except…
There was this little itch somewhere she couldn't reach—not anywhere on her heated skin, but deeper. It was a stretch, a sorrow, it was…
Probably nothing! “Yeah! We’re building muscles, right?”
San Lang flexed her biceps and Xie Lian laughed (but ooh, those arms though). Xie Lian tried to flex too but failed, so San Lang squeezed her lightly, to? Help? “AHHHH.” Oops, that was out loud.
San Lang’s fingers were gone in an instant. But… It ached. Not the touch. Not the muscles. In her heart.
Oh no, OH NO. That would be 'wanting more,' and she couldn’t do that! It was really important she didn’t do that!
“Sorry,” San Lang said.
“No no! It’s… fine…”
San Lang turned away. “Should we take another break? Boba?”
“Yes!” Xie Lian was great! She was happy! She was so happy! But…
Nope nope! No buts about it! She smiled her almost-definitely happy enough smile. “Boba.”
~~~
SEPTEMBER 23RD, 4 YEARS AGO
“Do you like my Scarlet Spell?”
~~~
OCTOBER 1ST, 4 YEARS AGO
“Do you like my Cherries in the Snow?”
~~~
OCTOBER 30TH, 4 YEARS AGO
“Do you like my Whirl?”
~~~
NOVEMBER 12TH, 4 YEARS AGO
“Do you like my 69?”
“SAN LANG! Really...”
~~~
DECEMBER 3RD, 4 YEARS AGO
“Do you like my—” San Lang gestured to her eye makeup this time, a sparkling burst of peach-red to copper brown. “Walk of No Shame?”
“San Lang, you’re… really…” EVERY TIME San Lang was like this, EVERY TIME. “Always…. really… um…” She still had shame though, so, she wasn’t even sure if she could say it. “... beautiful…”
“What?” San Lang leaned closer, grinning, because she HAD heard, the trickster.
“BEAUTIFUL!” Xie Lian yelled, as the bus doors opened. And San Lang cackled all the way to school, as Xie Lian blushed.
~~~
JANUARY 14TH, 3 YEARS AGO
“I know that one’s Burning Love, don’t even try.”
~~~
FEBRUARY 8TH, 3 YEARS AGO
“Lolita?”
“Close. Wifey.”
~~~
MARCH 7TH, 3 YEARS AGO
“Oh, that’s definitely Ruby Woo.”
“Very good.”
~~~
MARCH 29TH, 3 YEARS AGO
“Do you like my Orgasm?”
“WHAT?”
San Lang turned her cheek. “That’s the name of the blush.”
Oh gods. “Why would they name it that?”
San Lang shrugged. “Sex sells.”
“Well, it sold you.”
“Jiejie."
“Do people actually blush when they orgasm?” Wow, was Xie Lian really saying these things? Was she really discussing sex with her almost-kinda-friend, just, out on the sidewalk?
San Lang shrugged again. “I wouldn’t know.”
“Ah. I, uh, don’t either.” As if that weren’t very very obvious. But! Time to change the subject! She flailed a hand at San Lang’s face. “I’d like to learn how to do that.”
“What.”
Why was San Lang looking so… OH MY GOD. “MAKE UP! DO MAKE UP! SORRY! Sorry, sorry! Ahhh my brain skipped…”
“I mean, we can do whatever you’re interested in…” San Lang was laughing at her, like usual.
“Aggghhhhh.” Xie Lian covered her face.
“Just come over sometime. And I can teach you.”
Xie Lian peered out between her fingers. “Makeup?”
San Lang’s smirk was fond, but still teasing. “Anything you like.”
“MAKEUP. Agghhhh I’m sorry. I’m… so embarrassing.”
“No, you’re wonderful,” San Lang said, and Xie Lian’s heart burst into a thousand butterflies.
~~~
SEPTEMBER 1ST
“Jiejie, really. You’re allowed to indulge yourself.”
Once again, Xie Lian had started off saying, “I want to try something new!” and then, once again, couldn’t decide and was just going to order regular milk tea, again, because she didn’t need anything special, really… Even the original kind was so much… Even if other choices would taste good… And looked so fun… OH, she didn’t know! She crossed her arms. “I’m not going to your extreme, so don’t try.”
San Lang laughed. Her usual order was so dangerous the shop had named it: The Sugar Chaos, with six kinds of jellies, three kinds of popping boba, AND pudding. There was space on the wall for people who had conquered The Chaos. San Lang’s photo was the only one. “What about coconut? That’s always good.”
“Uhh….. Uh…. I dunno…” Xie Lian didn’t even really need bubble tea. She could just have water… Water was great… And free… What was she doing, thinking she deserved anything more than what little she needed to survive?
“With lychee jelly? That’s subtly sweet, so you wouldn’t be staining yourself too much with the pleasures of the flesh.”
Xie Lian stuck out her tongue. That San Lang, always trying to corrupt her. Not really; San Lang just encouraged a healthy dose of wildness, is all. Before San Lang, everybody had been more wild than Xie Lian, including, like, grandmothers. After… Xie Lian was doing things for the first time she’d never dreamed of: dancing in a club. Yelling profanities back at catcallers. Swinging on a playground at midnight. Walking barefoot in the Arboretum. Staying up all night talking to someone, and waking up to them too. Trusting someone with her secrets, her shame, her scars. Buying a donut from a pop-up shop because she, like, felt like it. Questioning her sexuality. Masturbating while thinking about a real life person.
Other first times, welllllll. Those were on reserve.
San Lang smirked. And took a step forward toward that tongue.
Xie Lian froze, like a ??? Frog??? And before she could even, hahahahaha, what??? San Lang brought her sweet little nose to touch against it.
It tasted like sweat, and cinnamon.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AHHHHHHHHHHH what.
“San Lang,” she whispered, somehow with that same tongue, back in her mouth.
“Next!”
Oh no. Now it was their turn in line and Xie Lian. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
San Lang was smiling like a smug cat who’d caught a mouse. But the mouse was Xie Lian’s blush. “Large Sugar Chaos, please,” San Lang said, completely unperturbed.
“I… Hahaha uh hi… Uh, yes, I’d like a…” Oh hell. “Taro Creme Brulee.”
“Jiejie!” San Lang said, delighted. And that tasted like cinnamon too.
~~~
APRIL 27TH, 3 YEARS AGO
“Nope, you said it, so now you have to live up to your words.”
“You still can’t tell when I’m teasing?”
“This is what you get for teasing.”
“Well then, Jiejie. Make yourself comfortable, I’ll get everything ready.”
San Lang’s place was like her, playful and luxurious. Her bed had a canopy, a CANOPY. Which Xie Lian was now staring up at, because. Haha. Well. The joke was probably on her. Although San Lang had a separate vanity, with lighting, she’d made an offhand comment (or as offhand as San Lang ever was) about how there was a makeup application method where one person laid down so the other had the angle advantage of putting it on from above (was that an advantage though?), and, well, Xie Lian was not going to let San Lang get away with saying silly things like that anymore! Not without consequences! If San Lang was going to joke about doing it that way, they were going to do it that way! Take that!
So… Xie Lian was in San Lang’s bed—and, now, no longer staring up at the canopy because she was staring up at San Lang, posed above her.
Ahhhhhhhhhhh. Haaaa.
“Hi,” she whispered.
“Hi,” San Lang said, also a whisper. She looked dazed too, so, that was some consolation. Wait. Was it???? If San Lang… Ahhhhhhh.
So. Xie Lian had never really thought about her sexuality? Like, why would it matter? That was stuff for other people, people who asked for—and got—more. She aesthetically appreciated people, sure! There were a lot of pretty people in the world to admire! Just like there were a lot of pretty flowers! And trees! And… seashells…
This was not like that.
Xie Lian was hot like a sauna and burning like a sparkler. San Lang was over her, all around her, going to be skillfully doing things to her.
Except, if this were sexual, Xie Lian would respond in kind, right, she wouldn’t just be having things done to her, probably, right, or would they take turns; how did this work, how did sex work—WHAT, NO, this wasn’t sex!!!!!!
“Is this okay?” San Lang asked.
“Y—Yeah.” Calm down! What the heck! Not sex! Very much not sex! Hahahahaha! “Yes.”
“Okay.” San Lang took a deeper breath, her abdomen moving against Xie Lian where they were pressed together—but that was just normal non-sex stuff, no need to think about it. “Wait, probably I should…” She moved enough to grab a pillow to stick between them so she could actually use her arms. “Yeah, there. Okay. I’m going to do what’s called a ‘natural makeup look.’ To enhance how beautiful you already are.”
“S—San… Lang…” Who just??? Said that??? Ahhhhhhhhh. “O—Okay.”
“I’ll use a little light brown eyeshadow, just all over the lid. How to do multiple shades the best way with our eye shape we’ll get into another time. Then I’ll do some eyeliner—dark brown, not black; that looks more natural. No mascara, you don’t need it. Your eyelashes are blessed.”
“San… Lang…”
“Then I’ll add a little sparkle to the inner corner of your eyes and your cute little eyebags, with this.” She tapped on the palette she’d brought over, a glittery shade like champagne bubbles. “That trick helps you look more awake and vibrant. And then the real secret: undereye concealer. I got one I think will match your skin tone, since you’re a little darker than me. Then to finish, a little powder to help keep it all on, and…” She uncapped, not a lipstick, but a thick pencil. The color was lighter than what San Lang usually chose for herself, a rosy pink like late cherry blossoms. “This is Rikugien. I thought she’d look good on you but still natural, so you won’t feel weird when it all wears off when we have hot pot later. Okay?”
“Y—Yeah.”
“All that sound good? Anything else you’d like to try?”
“Um. Could you…” Was she really going to ask…? Yes, she was. “Could you also give me… um… some of that blush… You know… that one…”
San Lang almost, but not quite, suppressed a laugh. “Yes Jiejie. I can give you Orgasm.”
“San Langggggg.” Xie Lian covered her face, then stopped, peeking out.
San Lang was blushing. And it was not the makeup.
Oh. Mmm. Wow.
San Lang glanced away, something she basically NEVER did, whattt. “But, uh… Jiejie?”
“Yes?” What was San Lang and her cute blush going to ask for? What did Xie Lian want her to ask for?
“Uh… Can we move to the vanity? I don’t think I can actually do it this way.”
After, once Xie Lian stopped laughing long enough for San Lang to do her magic, Xie Lian stared at herself in the mirror. She looked like herself, but, a version she never knew she could be. She felt… special. San Lang made her special. And the feeling lasted, even after she’d indeed eaten hot pot, yelled at the entirety of SK8 The Infinity, and washed off all the makeup as San Lang instructed her in the ways of cleansing balm. “Thank you, San Lang. You’re amazing.”
Xie Lian lingered in the doorway, San Lang lingering with her. San Lang was fiddling with her lip, looking like she was going to say something serious for once. But instead she smirked and said, “Thank you, Jiejie, for giving me such a beautiful face to work with.”
“San Langggggg.” And once again, Orgasm or not, Xie Lian was blushing.
~~~
SEPTEMBER 1ST
SCRAP GODDESS LOG #30
Dining table! Possibly antique, heavier than it looks, round with a claw foot pedestal. And a truly tragic paint spill—not even an artistic one. But, so what! I’ll just paint over it! I’ll paint it… Oh hell, maybe I’ll paint it RAINBOW.
SCRAP GODDESS LOG #56
A turkey feather!
“They really, just, do not care.”
The turkeys continued crossing the road—kind of. They wandered, they sauntered, they ignored all honking. They chilled, right in front of the truck’s front wheels.
“They’re kind of like you that way,” Xie Lian said.
“Uh, what?” San Lang arched her eyebrow.
“I mean!” Xie Lian waved her hands. “You’re way smarter, obviously!”
“Uh huh…”
“But… You’re also really good at doing your own thing, no matter what others expect of you.”
“Is that so?”
“Don’t tease, I’m trying to compliment you. Oh!” Three kids darted into the road, in addition to the turkeys. “Ah, San Lang, should I…”
San Lang chuckled. “Go.”
Xie Lian got out of the car, just right there in the street. “Hello,” she said.
The children stared up at her, with even more interest than the turkeys. “They listen to me,” one offered, the girl.
“They do NOT!” the bigger boy retorted. The girl and the other boy whirled on him and Xie Lian stifled a laugh.
“They were,” the girl said. “I don't know why they aren’t now. Let me try again.” She posed her hands, closing her eyes and biting her lip in concentration.
The turkeys, whether or not they’d received a signal, ambled the rest of the way across the road at last. “HA!” The girl looked up at Xie Lian for approval.
Because Xie Lian was a professional, she did not laugh. “Very good, but, be careful when it’s the bigger males, they’re more aggressive, okay?”
“Oh, that’s why they’re bigger!” This was the larger boy, of course, but all three were clustered tight around Xie Lian. This was how it always was. She was irresistible to children and children were irresistible to her (one of many reasons why she was now an elementary school teacher). “Because the boys are the strong ones.”
“That’s not true! Small things can be strong too!”
“You would say that, witch!”
Then they were off, chasing each other across the street. The other boy stopped to say, gravely, “We visited Salem.” He sighed deeply. “He didn't get it, at all.”
Road clear, Xie Lian got back into the car, smiling. San Lang was smiling too. “Think they’ll be in your class?”
“I hope so!”
“Good. This neighborhood is good for you.”
“Yeah…” It was a sweet thing to say, but… “San Lang, do you want to stay in this neighborhood? Or are you looking for somewhere closer to your work?”
It was quiet now, only the low beats of one of San Lang’s favorites, “Jiaren” by Lexie Liu, and the light, light squeak of San Lang’s hands tightening on the steering wheel. “We’ll see,” was all she said.
More a wall than a line then. Fine. Xie Lian could get used to that. She was already used to that. There was no use wanting… more. So, time to change the subject! Again! “Shall we do Comm Ave now? With the rest of the fools already double-parked?”
San Lang’s smirk was maybe sadder than usual—maybe? Or, maybe nothing! She put the car in drive, with a grin. “Of course, Jiejie. What else is September First for?”
~~~
DECEMBER 10TH, 2 YEARS AGO
“San Lang!”
“Jiejie…”
San Lang hadn’t texted Good morning this morning, unlike the past 851 mornings. Now it was afternoon but San Lang was calling, so, that was good, right? “What’s going on?”
“Could you do me a favor?” San Lang’s voice was lower than normal, strained.
“Of course! What do you need?”
“Could you pick up something for me at the pharmacy?”
Wow! San Lang never asked her for anything! “Sure! Actually… Coincidentally I’m there already.”
“Oh? Well, they sent my prescription to the Cleveland Circle one…”
“Yep, that one!” Xie Lian was also picking up a prescription. She was finally starting antidepressants. Wait… What if San Lang was like her too? They could talk about it in a non-awkward way! How great would that be?
“Okay. Uh. You know all the things they’ll ask you for?”
“Hmm? Oh, yes, birthdate June 10th…”
“And, uh…” A pause. “My real name?”
“I know that, Hua Cheng.”
Xie Lian could feel San Lang’s smile through the phone. “I prefer San Lang.”
“Of course you do. Hold on, I’ll bring it to you soon.”
She didn’t mean to look at San Lang’s (Hua Cheng’s) prescription—San Lang was trusting her and this might be private; she didn’t want to overstep, but the pharmacist said it needed to be refrigerated and—oops, she looked, and it was…
Penicillin???
“San Lang!” Xie Lian’s slightly too loud voice echoed outside San Lang’s door, where she was calling from, since San Lang apparently hadn’t heard her knock. “You have strep throat?”
“Yeah.” San Lang’s voice sounded like it, the poor thing. “You can leave the medicine there, thanks.”
“But! San Lang! Are you sure you have everything you need? Throat lozenges? Tea? Soup? Someone to put a cool compress on your forehead while you’re feverish?”
“Jiejie, I…” San Lang swallowed thickly—because she was so sick, the poor thing! “I don’t want you to get it too.”
“Why would I care about that?”
“And I’m… not myself.”
“Oh, pooey. We’re friends, right? So unless I’m really bothering you—”
“You never bother me. Jiejie.”
“Then… Can I take care of you for a while?”
Silence. Then, finally, San Lang’s tiny, sickly voice saying, “Okay.” And then she opened the door.
Wow. Wow! Look at San Lang! The real, imperfect San Lang, not impeccably coordinated, not impeccably makeup’d, without an eye patch even, just rumpled and flushed and so so endearing, OH, Xie Lian just wanted to squeeze her all better.
“Shit.” San Lang covered the scarred socket. “Sorry. Sorry.”
“For what?” Xie Lian swept inside. “How high is your fever? Do you want tea first or just water?”
“I’m… It was 101 when I was at Urgent Care, but—”
“101?! You go lie down, right now, I’ll be right with you. Hmmmm do they give you the little cup things—yes…”
“But… I’m hideous.”
“WHAT?” She whirled around. San Lang was still clutching a hand over the left side of her face. Not joking.
Pardon her language, but, what the FUCK. “You are NOT. And no more talking! I know your throat can’t take it! Write to me instead if you have to. Hmmmmmm okay actually, type on your phone? Because I can’t read that…”
San Lang discarded the scrawled sticky note and showed her screen, where all she’d typed was HIDEOUS.
“No! You don’t get to talk about my friend that way! My friend is beautiful!”
San Lang just pointed at her screen again.
“No! You survived something hard, and it’s your face, and I like looking at it, so, it’s beautiful. Okay?” Xie Lian was being as demanding as she used to be, in her former life. But it was good. “I know I can’t cure your body image trauma all at once, and you get to set whatever boundaries you want. But, don’t feel like you need to because you think you know what I think. Because I just told you what I think. I like all the parts of you. Okay?”
okay, San Lang typed back, finally.
“Good. Now, here, take your medication and lie down, I’ll make my mother's congee recipe.”
San Lang did put her eye patch back on—two hours later, when Xie Lian set off the smoke alarms in the whole building and they had to evacuate. Four days later when Xie Lian got strep throat, San Lang’s congee was much less burnt—and San Lang served it, smiling, with her natural face.
~~~
MARCH 11TH, 1 YEAR AGO
It was one of those days. She just couldn't. What was even the point. Life would continue on; what was the point of trying to make anything of it? Life had continued on through everything she’d already gone through, the tectonic friction of shitty fate.
San Lang had put on a C-drama while they ate sandwiches Xie Lian couldn’t even taste, and she was following none of it (ghosts that weren’t quite ghosts? A bevy of backstabbing bitches?). Get up, eat, sleep, repeat. What was even the point?
All days weren’t like this. She knew that. The antidepressants helped, 99% of the time. But right now she felt stuck on the dark side of the moon while everyone else got to see the light.
“Jiejie, do you want to go somewhere?”
San Lang had paused the show. Xie Lian hadn’t noticed that either. “Huh? Uh, okay.” She didn’t, really, but, she also didn’t want to explain why she was like this.
“It’ll take about an hour to drive there, so get ready.”
Driving? Where the heck were they going? But, what did it matter?
They left the city. Everything turned to empty, snow-coated woods. San Lang pulled down a drive, paid some kind of fee, and parked in front of a building.
It was a botanic garden. In the winter. Possibly the only thing more depressing than her life. “Wait until you see inside.”
Xie Lian followed. What did it matter. Inside, it was a building, whatever, but then San Lang led the way into a glass-ceilinged room and… oh. Oh.
The air was alive. The air was sweet, and bright, and serene, and alive, a thick-light dream of summer. There were orange trees everywhere, every kind and size, under vines and palms and orchids, all blooming. Like magic. But so real. “We’ll sit here and stay as long you want, okay?”
They sat. Xie Lian cried softly and San Lang held her, even lighter than the scented air. She was alive. Things had broken, things had shifted, but she was alive. The world was alive, she was alive, and it mattered.
Time drifted and Xie Lian drifted with it, head on San Lang’s shoulder, until the sun set and the curators came to announce closing. Then she bundled all that warmth inside her and San Lang brought her home.
“Thank you.” She held San Lang’s hands across the gear shift. She didn’t always touch her like this, but right now it was the only way to show how she felt.
San Lang’s smile was sweeter than orange blossoms, more magic than any season. “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”
“I really…” San Lang was so so incredible. There were no words. She tried to make some. “You made me remember, what a simple thing it is to be happy.” She squeezed San Lang’s hands—warm, so warm. “Not easy. But simple.”
~~~
SEPTEMBER 1ST
SCRAP GODDESS LOG #88
Okay! We’ve got basically no energy left but we’re swinging by San Lang’s apartment just to check, even though she said there was nothing outside when she left. But that’s okay, we already got SO MUCH, there’s basically nothing left to
What
Wait
Is that
That
You’re kidding
Can’t
NO
Are you
I
BED
BED???????
“Oh.” She was so grimy she almost didn’t dare to touch it. But it was… It was… An IKEA bed frame? Complete? IN BOX??? With an accompanying MATTRESS AND BOXSPRING????? Still PLASTIC-WRAPPED. There was just no way. Just. No way.
But, there was the sign, saying FREE.
FREE.
Excuse her language, but. Holy fucking shit.
“We… I can’t believe…” Forget the ‘joy of the find,’ this was transcendent. “Oh… Shit, this is… This is a queen.”
“Yeah.” San Lang’s smile was surprisingly soft. “Good thing we dropped everything else off. It should just fit.”
“I… I…” There was no way. “San Lang…” No way she deserved this. “Let’s leave it.”
“What? Jiejie!” San Lang grabbed her shoulder to stop her walking away. And didn’t let go. “Jiejie. Why? What’s wrong? You have room.”
“I…” Xie Lian would be perfectly fine living the twin bed life forever! Even living the air mattress life forever! Hell, she could sleep on that old couch they’d already brought in. Why would she need more? “Just… Like… It’s too nice. Someone else can have it.”
“Jiejie…”
“I’m sure someone else needs it more than me.”
“Jiejie.” San Lang glanced up and down the street, as if to check for that 'someone else.' There actually was someone, standing at the corner, eying the pile while trying to pretend they weren’t. (Actually… they looked kind of like San Lang’s roommate?
Hmmmmmmmmm.)
“Jiejie.” San Lang cupped her elbows with both hands. That unwavering gaze. That unwavering everything. “There’s enough. There’s more than enough. More than enough for you to have some too. Please. Just… Do you want it?”
She’d had a queen-sized bed, once. She’d had a lot of things. She’d lost them all. And she just…
She just didn’t want to lose again, okay?
But, imagine. A good bed. Waking up in a good bed that was hers, the same every morning. Plenty of room, plenty of comfort. Imagine. Imagine having enough—and then, more.
She wanted it.
“Yeah,” she managed, softly.
“Then have it.”
“Okay.”
Xie Lian couldn’t believe it. She couldn’t even believe it when it was in her apartment, hours of assembly later. “I don’t…” She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “I don’t even have bedding this size. Should we run to Target?—Wait, no, it’ll be mobbed.”
“Don’t worry about that, Jiejie.” San Lang glanced down at her phone, one of the first times all day. “I think…” The doorbell rang. “There it is.”
Xie Lian followed her to her own door. Where she hadn’t expected anything to appear, since it was, her apartment, where nothing ever came.
But there was something—several somethings. Large bags containing sheets, pillowcases, extra pillows, a comforter, and a duvet set.
She opened the last one first. It was cream, with lily of the valley bouquets.
Xie Lian stared. And stared.
“Are these okay? Maybe I should’ve…”
Now Xie Lian stared at San Lang. And stared. Beautiful, clever, incredible, still a little unsure San Lang. “Um.” San Lang bit her red red lips. “I … I should’ve asked, but, you act allergic to gifts, and I just wanted… I didn’t mean to trick you, I just… Is it too much?”
“San Lang…” She was crying, now. This. This was so much.
But. She wanted more.
San Lang had a look Xie Lian knew too well, from herself: the brace before rejection. Oh. Oh silly, silly, lovely San Lang. The only one slower than her.
“I want it. I want all of it.” She wiped her eyes, smiled, for real. Because there was one more thing from the side of the road she wanted to keep. “San Lang. Um.” Oh HELL. “Will you move in with me?” Maybe she was doing this in the wrong order? Oh well. She was a lesbian, after all.
San Lang's breath caught. “Yes.”
“Then, um. There are a couple more things we need to put together.”
“Oh?”
Xie Lian stepped closer. And closer. Until she was right up against San Lang, where she’d always wanted to be. “Us.”
The curve of San Lang’s smile was fire, light. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. If… if that’s, um. What you want.”
“Please.” San Lang’s thumb traced her blushing cheek. “Have me.”
“Yes,” Xie Lian said, and pulled her, finally, into a kiss.