Chapter Text
Sonya still thought her sister's girlfriend was weird. Like, proper weird. Their entire relationship was really, really weird. They acted like old marrieds, and were entirely besotted with each other, and they weren't even engaged but you still got the feeling they'd been together forever. It was like they were all out of order.
In any case, Yaz was happy, and somewhere in the past year she and Sonya had started acting like friends, not just snarky siblings.
Which is why Sonya agreed to bring a pot of daal over in the middle of the afternoon.
Jane Smith opened the door, looking entirely haggard. "Is that..."
"Nani's recipe," Sonya confirmed. "She all right?"
"It's just a cold," Yaz insisted, from inside the flat, on the sofa.
Jane gave Sonya a tight smile, grabbed the pot from Sonya's hands, and scurried into the kitchen.
Sonya peered around the doorway. "Is it safe?"
"Just sniffles," Yaz said. She waved a tissue around. "It's not the plague, but I'd understand if you want to avoid it."
Sonya shrugged, and stepped inside. "Girlfriend's acting strange," she observed.
Yaz sighed, and flopped dramatically against the back of the sofa, dislodging Asparagus the cat, who chirped in protest and scurried away. "My partner is being a little overbearing," she said, with a raised voice so that Jane could hear. "She's never seen me sick, before," she added, more quietly to Sonya.
"You had a fever," Jane scolded, as she hurried back out of the kitchen with a bowl of daal over rice.
"The tiniest fever, for like two hours," Yaz countered. She took the bowl and had a bite of her food, then hummed in contentment and turned a tired smile to her sister. "Thank you for bringing this over. Jane's idea of comfort food makes my teeth hurt."
Jane grumbled a bit about how biscuits always made her feel better, then she fussed with Yaz's blankets to keep her cozy. Finally, she leaned back, and gently brushed the backs of her fingers across Yaz's forehead.
Yaz looked up at her. "Hey, I'm okay," she said, in a gentle voice. "You should go check on Allison at the shop."
Jane frowned, and looked between the sisters.
"Yeah, I'll stick around, keep her company," Sonya said. She promptly assumed her favorite spot on the sofa and grabbed the remote. "You have a nicer telly anyway."
For a moment, Jane hesitated with painful worry, then she heaved a sigh. "Okay," she murmured. "But text if you need anything."
"Could get me some biscuits on your way back," Yaz said with a grin. "Since apparently sugar has healing properties."
"Count on it," Jane said. She bent and pressed a kiss to Yaz's head, lingering just an extra moment to confirm the lack of fever. "Love you," she whispered.
"Love you," Yaz replied, then watched Jane make a few dizzying loops through the flat before finally disappearing out the front door.
Once she was gone, Sonya wandered into the kitchen to get herself a bowl of Yaz's snack.
"Oi, that's mine," Yaz complained.
"I brought it over, so you can share," Sonya declared, as she sat back down. "Didn't you and Jane do a lot of traveling, before? How did you manage to avoid getting sick all that time?"
"She had... precautions to protect us," Yaz said, with a sigh.
Sonya didn't answer, but she watched her sister.
"She doesn't like 'reminders of human fragility,'" Yaz added. "She already frets that I'm not totally happy with our life together, and when you add in the possibility that any old virus out there could change or end our lives completely..."
"Are you not totally happy?" Sonya asked.
"Didn't say that," Yaz said.
"Didn't deny it, either," Sonya retorted.
"I am happy," Yaz insisted. "It's just different, than it was. It has to be different. We can't travel like we did, and she's not the same person that she were."
"Because she used to be called the Doctor, and now she's not?" Sonya asked.
Yaz sighed again. "Bit more complicated than a name change."
Sonya hummed. "You know how Dad's always on about conspiracies?" she asked. "Had a thing about aliens for a while. There's apparently a whole lot of records about some immortal time traveler who periodically intersects human history. Defends Earth from bad stuff. Occasionally picks up a friend. Or two. Or three."
Yaz was watching her with sharp eyes.
"Was always male and pale," Sonya concluded. "But it's been a while since he's been seen." She took a bite of her dinner, and gave Yaz an innocent look.
"You can't tell Mum and Dad," Yaz blurted.
Sonya swallowed wrong and coughed a bit. "Oh shit. It's true? Jane's that Doctor? She's an actual alien?"
"Not anymore," Yaz said. "Jane's human. The Doctor is still out there, just missing her life energy. He regenerated without her."
Sonya cackled. "What?!"
"I know it sounds mad," Yaz said. She leaned forward, as her disclosure gained momentum. "We met her here in Sheffield, back when Ryan's nan passed, remember? Then she were trying to find her ship, and she accidentally took us along. Then we asked if we could come along on purpose." Yaz sighed, and let her mind wander through those incredible memories. "It were amazing."
"So why is she here, now? Why is she human?"
At that, Yaz blushed, barely able to express it aloud. "For me," she said, in a tiny voice. "For us."
Sonya stared at her. "So this alien, who has done all these ridiculous things all over history, fancied some girl from Sheffield so much that she gave it all up?"
"Yeah, sounds mental when you say it like that," Yaz said. "Like how could I possibly be worth all that fuss?"
"That's not what I..." Sonya argued.
"And then on her side - she thinks a girl from Sheffield fancied an amazing alien, so why would that girl be happy with Jane Smith, the flower shop owner?" Yaz concluded. She slumped, and set aside her bowl.
Sonya swallowed, feeling entirely out of her depth, and she deeply regretted broaching this topic at all. "Okay, wait. That weird woman clearly loves you," she asserted. "Like, a disgusting amount. And I know you love her back." She waited until Yaz offered a tiny smile. "You're both really gross."
Yaz snorted, even as she wiped tears from her eyes.
"Do you two... talk about this stuff?" Sonya asked.
"Suppose we should," Yaz murmured. "It's just hard. She fell into my life twice... once when I really needed her, and once when I really wanted her. I know it's complicated, but I'm just so glad she's here."
"Maybe tell her that," Sonya said, quietly.
"Yeah." Yaz sighed. "Sorry for getting all soppy."
"It's okay," Sonya replied. "I missed 'Hollyoaks' earlier, so this made up for it."
"Brat," Yaz said, chuckling even as she launched a pillow at her sister.
Jane came home a couple hours later, with five different kinds of biscuits, just in case. Sonya took the opportunity to sneak away, blaming Yaz for "sundowning," and hogging the TV remote.
Once Sonya was gone, Jane hovered awkwardly in the living room until Yaz reached for her, wiggling her fingers.
"Too far away," Yaz complained.
Jane fidgeted, but didn't take the hint. "I know I've been a little... much, the past couple days. Don't mean to be."
Yaz slumped against the couch. "Would you please come over here and snuggle with me so I can apologize?"
At that, Jane frowned, but did as she was asked. She sat and immediately scooped Yaz into a careful hug across her lap, then buried her face in Yaz's soft hair.
Yaz hummed in contentment and burrowed against her. "Missed you," she murmured. "And I'm sorry I were mardy, earlier. Don't like worryin' you."
Jane shrugged. "Don't like being worried," she said. "Took it too far, though. I'm sorry back."
They held onto each other for a few minutes, and finally Yaz pulled away a bit. "Sonya says we should talk about stuff," she murmured. She felt every muscle in Jane's body clench against her, as if bracing for a blow. "No - nothing like that," Yaz insisted.
But the damage was done. Jane's eyes were fixed on an unseen middle distance, blinking a lot as she fought back tears.
Yaz sighed, and reached to gently turn Jane to face her. "Hey, c'mon. Nothing terrible's happening right now."
Jane didn't seem to believe that, but she stayed put, giving Yaz a worried look.
"I had a bad dream, last night, while I was fever-y," Yaz admitted, quietly. "Except it didn't feel like a dream. And it's been bothering me ever since."
At that, Jane's usual problem-solving mode kicked in. "What happened?" she asked.
"We were... somewhere, the two of us. Dunno. The light was so bright. You were telling me you can't 'fix yourself' to anyone. I was trying to get you to be brave and do it anyway." Yaz sighed.
"And I definitely wasn't brave anyway," Jane guessed, miserably.
Yaz curled into herself a little tighter. "I was so sad," she said. "And I knew how happy we could be, because we are, but I couldn't tell you then. And you wouldn't have believed me. And it felt like when we said goodbye, before." She let her head loll against the sofa cushion. "I know it weren't real, but it felt real."
"Real enough," Jane said, in a low rumble of regret. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be apologizing for my subconscious," Yaz scolded, with a smile.
Jane scowled, and took a deep breath. "Thing is," she began. "I am absolutely certain that somewhere, in some version of reality, there is a Doctor who is so completely in love with her Yaz, but so burdened by her own pain, that she just can't sort it. She's in agony every day because you're so precious but she can't make the choice that would allow her to be happy at your side for the briefest flicker of time."
Yaz watched her.
"Sometimes I actually feel guilty, that I'm so free, now," Jane murmured. "That I'm free to love you, that the Doctor never was." She spent a moment searching Yaz's dark eyes as they glittered at her in the room's shadows. "And I do love you, Yasmin Khan."
"Love you," Yaz whispered back.
Jane smiled, and shifted on the sofa, stretching out carefully so that Yaz could move with her and settle half on her chest. "It would hurt so much to lose you," she added. "I know I get spun up about that, like I did today. I'll try to be less dramatic about it."
With a sigh, Yaz relaxed against her. "You weren't all that bad," she said. "And I was definitely not the best patient. Sorry about that."
They lazed together for a long moment, and then Jane hummed. "Hey, remember after Zellin and Rakaya infiltrated our dreams? You had those terrible nightmares for weeks afterward," she said.
Yaz nodded against her, fighting to stay awake.
"You would stay with me while I was working on the TARDIS, trying so hard not to fall asleep." Jane smiled at her. "Like you are now."
Yaz rallied a bit to force her eyes open. "But I always did fall asleep, and you would carry me back to my room and kiss me on the forehead," she murmured.
On cue, Jane turned to press her lips to Yaz's head. "Never knew if you knew I did that. Always hoped. Always used just a touch of psychic energy to wish you peaceful dreams."
"I always wished you would stay with me," Yaz whispered.
"Me, too," Jane murmured. "But I couldn't let myself feel everything I felt, back then."
Yaz exhaled a broken breath. "If you hadn't found Division, would you... would we have ever..."
"I dunno," Jane said, honestly. "I've learned that humans are braver than... whatever I was. I'm not sure I ever could have taken the leap." She stroked Yaz's dark hair, smoothing it away and hoping to take some worries along with it. "Listen," she said, low and serious. "I need you to know that it's okay to miss her. I know it's complicated. I definitely don't begrudge you mourning the Doctor you knew."
Yaz sighed. "I just get sad, for her. Wish she could have been happy as she was."
"So did she," Jane replied, starkly.
Yaz budged up a bit to meet Jane's gaze. "Hey. I loved the Doctor," she said. "I always will. But I love you, Jane Smith."
Jane watched her, with a deeply melancholy expression.
"I always will," Yaz added, in a whisper. "Even if it's complicated." She took a deep breath. "I know you chose this. And that's amazing, right? You chose to come here, you chose a chance at 'us.' I choose you back, you know?"
"Yeah, I know," Jane said, with a faint smile. "But thanks for saying it."
They shared a long, wistful look, and Yaz reached to card her fingers gently through Jane's hair. "Do you ever wish you were still the Doctor?" she asked.
Jane took a moment to think about that. "There are bits I miss," she decided. "I really miss the TARDIS. I miss wandering in places no one's ever been. Miss helping people. But I'm different, now."
"Good different?"
"Just different. The scale is different. The stakes are different." She gave Yaz a shy look. "We're different." She smiled, letting herself enjoy the slow wonder of that particular revelation. "I unstitched myself from Time itself to spend just a moment with you, Yasmin Khan, and I'd do it again. You are extraordinary, and I am so, so fortunate."
Yaz teared up a bit.
"You're one of the greatest people I've ever known," Jane added. "The me, in your dream? She knows that, too. The you in your dream... Well, I hope she is as patient and strong as you are, because that reality isn't going to be a kind one." She sighed. "All too easy to imagine being the Doctor who is so afraid of losing everything that she doesn't bother to properly hold on to anything."
Yaz was staring at her with wide, bloodshot eyes. "You've had the same dream," she realized.
"Not... exactly the same," Jane said. "But close. Close enough to feel like that's a version of the universe we could reach out and touch."
"Like a different quantum reality?" Yaz asked.
Jane couldn't help but chuckle, low and delighted. "Maybe, yeah."
"Could we help them?"
"Maybe," Jane replied.
At that, she and Yaz shared a quiet, private smile that spoke to an adventure in the making.
And so all in all, it really wasn't that much of a surprise when "adventure" came looking for them.
Yaz was feeling much better the next morning, and was setting about her usual routine to get ready for her duty shift. A sharp knock on the front door interrupted her while she was brushing her teeth, and Jane was elbow deep in Asparagus' litter box.
Yaz hurried to spit out her toothpaste and get to the door, then opened it to see a woman flashing a badge.
"Kate Stewart, Unified Intelligence Taskforce," she announced. "May I speak with you?"
"I thought UNIT was defunded," Yaz murmured, as she stepped aside to let Kate inside. A sudden spike of adrenaline shot through her gut, but she waited, patiently.
"Kate Stewart?" Jane cried, as she wandered past, nearly dropping the bag of dirty cat litter.
"Jane Smith, I presume," Kate greeted, with a nod. "A pleasure. I'll get right to it. Doctor Smith, Ms. Khan. Your planet needs you."
