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- Technoblade
Tommy wrapped his cloak around himself tighter, but it did little to stop the shivers that wracked his body. His breath fogged out in front of him in short puffs: it used to delight him to see his warm exhales in the frozen air of the tundra, but now he could only focus on how damn cold it was.
He didn’t plan on being here for long, aiming only to return the Axe of Peace and leave as fast as his scrawny legs would carry him. A familiar cottage stood in front of him, only a short walk away. He knew it was time to return it, it was only right, but he didn’t know if he wanted to see Techno again after everything that happened.
Puffy said it would help him find closure, or something like that. He didn’t really know, but Puffy was smart and nice and she listened when he spoke. If Puffy said this would help him, he felt inclined to believe her.
If only he could work up the balls to move his damn legs.
So here he was, huddled underneath his cloak that was too big for him (he feared it would never fit him again, he wasn’t hungry much anymore after he died and came back. There was a lot of him that didn’t come back ), hiding within the tree cover, and staring at his brother’s Techno’s cottage.
If he was being honest, he was waiting to see if there were any signs of life. He was considering just leaving the thing on the front porch and calling it a day. Technically, he was finding closure by returning something that he borrowed. He would feel bad lying to Puffy, but at least then it would be over and done with, and he would get to go home, to lay in bed and forget all about the paralyzing fear that was taking hold of him right now.
It was so hard to tell if Techno was home: there was smoke coming from the chimney, but Tommy knew that Techno liked to keep the fireplace going, even when he wasn’t home, so he could return to something warm and safe and gentle-comfort-soft. He just needed a sign –
“What are you doing on my property, Theseus?” A gruff voice rumbled directly behind him, exasperated, and Tommy had to stifle the shriek that threatened to burst from his lips. He twirled around, stumbling in the snow and the cloak that got tangled around his legs.
“Blade! I was just about to go knock on your door. Perfect timing, bitch!” Tommy couldn’t keep the tremor from his voice, but he hoped Technoblade wouldn’t call him on it.
The man only raised a brow. “Right, and were you planning to do that now, or did you want to stand here for another fifteen minutes?”
Tommy’s face warmed. He knew this was a bad idea. “It hasn’t been that long!” He actually wasn’t sure how long he had been standing here. Time passed so differently, now.
Techno only snorted, and Tommy couldn’t suppress a flinch as the piglin brushed past him. He was frozen in place until Techno spared a glance back at him. He took that as a cue to follow him, and hesitantly began trudging through the snow after him.
Tommy loved the tundra. Snow was so pretty, and something about it made him feel like the entire world was holding its breath. Everything was quiet here, and it even muted the loud, rambling thoughts in his head. The snow brought back memories of his childhood: making snow creatures, having snowball fights (they were only ever fun when the three of them managed to rope Phil into playing, too), and sledding down the giant hills by their home, a sturdy body at his back and strong arms encircling him, instinctively knowing he was safe.
He was so lost in thought he didn’t notice they’d reached the steps of the cottage until he bumped into a steady back. Instinctively, he scrambled backward, muttering out a string of apologies and chastisements of “should’ve watched where you were going, bitch”.
As he struggled to get his bearings, he missed the concerned expression that flickered across Techno’s face.
“Your hair looks different.”
Caught off guard, Tommy choked out a bitter laugh, reaching up to tug on the strip of white hair, stark against gold. “Yeah, that’s what dying gets you, bitch.”
Something unrecognizable passed across Techno’s face, “You, uh, actually died, then. I thought Ranboo was lying.” Tommy’s stomach lurched uncomfortably. Prime, why was he even here? He wasn’t sure if Puffy’s assignment was even worth it. He should have just left the Axe on the porch like he wanted to.
“Yeah. I really died.” He cursed his voice for lacking its usual bravado.
“Anyways, Blade, that’s not really what I’m here to discuss! Don’t worry, I’ll be out of your hair soon,” he laughed nervously, shuffling through his inventory before his fingers brushed against the smooth handle of the Axe of Peace .
He let it materialize, resting heavily in his hands, something softer also appearing beneath it. He didn’t feel like the Axe was enough to give back on its own. Tommy didn’t think he was good at much, but knitting was always something that he enjoyed, sewing even more so. He had put a lot of consideration into making the perfect sweater for Techno. The wool was soft, not too scratchy, and Antarctic blue. He’d embroidered crowns and emeralds, a guitar, and a single red disc into the sleeves. If this was the last time Techno wanted to see him after everything that had happened between them (L’Manberg was gone again ), he’d at least leave him with one last parting gift.
“I wanted to return this to you. It belongs to you, and I’m sorry I didn’t return it earlier. You were an asshole for destroying my home, twice — “ Techno opened his mouth to interrupt, but Tommy barreled on, voice wavering “—you were a right prick , but I’ve been trying to understand. I know you’re not sorry, and I’m not asking you to be. But I’m sorry for being such a piece of shit to you. For not talking to you about it and lashing out and shit.”
Tommy took a shaky breath. Prime, he felt like he was rambling, but fuck it, he was nervous. It was his fault for not planning what he was going to say beforehand.
“You’re my brother, and even though what you did hurt me, I hurt you too. And I’m sorry for that.” There, he did it. He hoped Puffy would be proud of him.
Technoblade was staring at his brother, expression unreadable. “Anyways, bitch, here. Take your Axe back.” Tommy thrust the bundle towards the piglin, and he reflexively took it. “…okay. Good talk. I’ll get off your property now, big man.”
He must have stunned his brother enough to make him forget his massive vocabulary, because all he managed to say as Tommy turned away and began his trek home was, “…yeah. Bye, Tommy.”
-
Later that week, when Tommy received a quiet message from Techno inviting him over for dinner sometime, and he felt the first sparks of warmth since his death, he begrudgingly admitted to himself that maybe Puffy was right.
- Tubbo
It wasn’t that Tommy was trying to avoid Tubbo or anything, it was just that – things had changed between them. Ever since Tubbo had turned his back on Tommy, their relationship had been ... different. Neither quite knew what to say to the other. And after Tommy’s revival, when Sam told him that Tubbo was married to Ranboo and the two had adopted a child together?
Well.
Tommy hadn’t reacted very well to that.
So yeah, he was trying to give Tubbo some space, since the last time the two had seen each other had been nothing short of disastrous. It still stung to know that his best friend was moving on without him, that the two hadn’t been close for a long time, now.
He had told himself that, but he couldn’t help his feet carrying him to where he knew he would find Tubbo: at his new home in Snowchester. Why did everyone he knew have to move to places that were cold as shit? He didn’t even bother trying to keep his cloak wrapped around him this time as he skirted the path hesitantly. If he fell and froze to death, then he wouldn’t have to deal with Tubbo confronting him and asking what he was doing here.
All in all, it seemed like a great idea to him!
Of course, luck was never on Tommy’s side, and he happened to run into a small child along the path. The kid was bundled up well, a thick scarf and fluffy hood concealing his features from Tommy, but given his size, he seemed pretty young. Too young to be wandering around Snowchester on his own. The kid must have lost his parents or something, and as they sniffled quietly, Tommy couldn’t stop the pang of pity he felt in his chest. Damn kids and their ability to look like the saddest things on Earth.
Tommy sighed and crouched down to meet the kid’s eye, finally getting a good look at their face. A small pink snout peeked out above the scarf, big, curious eyes blinking back at him. Tommy cursed to himself internally. Of all the little gremlins he could have found in Snowchester, he just had to run into the one kid whose dad was in charge of the place.
He realized how stupid he must look right now, just staring at the kid without saying anything, so he put on a smile that felt more like a grimace, and said, “Hey there, kid. How’d you end up way out here?”
The kid looked at him hesitantly. “…’m lost.”
“Aw, that’s okay! I can help you find your way back home!” He resigned himself to the fact that now he would definitely be encountering Tubbo today, if only to return his kid to him. “My name’s Tommy, what’s yours?” When the kid didn’t respond right away, he realized that the hood of his cloak was still up. He’d only done that to block out the cold, but he was sure it was intimidating this kid quite a bit. He reached up and pulled down his hood so the young piglin could see how utterly un intimidating Tommy really was, he thought with some annoyance.
As soon as he did so, the kid’s pupils dilated and he stumbled through the snow toward Tommy. Not knowing what to expect, Tommy put his arms out to catch the kid in case he fell, but he just barreled right into Tommy’s chest with a soft oof .
“Whoa, careful! Are you okay?”
The kid seemed excited, wiggling around in his arms before reaching up to his hair. He hadn’t realized how long it had gotten until that moment when the young piglin was able to grab a fistful of it. He snuffled happily once he had Tommy’s hair in his grasp. “You’re gold!” the kid gasped in delight, all of his shy tendencies dissipated at the sight of golden waves. Tommy felt a surge of affection as the child continued to play with his hair.
“Bee said my uncle Tommy has gold hair, too! Are you uncle Tommy?” Tommy’s heart stopped. He didn’t think that Tubbo would ever want to tell his child about him. They may have been best friends once, but Tommy didn’t think Tubbo wanted anything to do with him anymore.
Before Tommy could respond, the piglin continued, “But you can’t be uncle Tommy, because Bee said that uncle Tommy was a ghost. Bee gets really sad when he talks about uncle Tommy, and Boo does, too. Sometimes, when they tuck me in and think ‘m asleep, I c’n hear them outside my door crying. I think they miss uncle Tommy. I wish I could meet him.” Tommy’s breath caught in his throat, and he found it difficult to swallow.
He blinked his eyes rapidly to clear them. He forgot that most people still think that he died for good in the prison. Not too many people were there when Sam brought him out and he’d been doing his best to avoid literally everyone, so it made sense that not even Tubbo knew that he had been revived. It made him ache; he felt horrible for all the shit he put Tubbo through.
It was incredible how he managed to hurt him even while he was dead.
“Hey,” he said softly, “Your dad’s right about that. I was a ghost for a little while, but I came back. I’m here now. Your uncle Tommy’s right here. What’s your name?”
“’m Michael.”
“Michael.” Tommy smiled. “Well, it’s lovely to meet you, Michael. What d’you say we go and find your dad?”
“…kay,” Michael sniffled. Tommy hadn’t even realized that he was shaking until he let go of the kid to stand up. He was not prepared to see Tubbo again, but he’d do it for Michael. It was a good thing he had finished the sweater he had made, just in case he saw Tubbo today. Immediately, the kid made grabby hands as though he expected to be lifted.
Tommy sighed dramatically before reaching down to lift Michael into his arms. “Well, if you insist!” The kid was much bulkier than he expected. Or maybe Tommy was just still too thin, with barely any fat and muscle on his bones. He wouldn’t admit to struggling to lift Michael.He was a big man, and big men could carry a small child around for hours without breaking a sweat!
Michael immediately latched onto Tommy’s hair, and it didn’t seem like he would be letting go of it any time soon, so Tommy would just have to tough it out until they made it back to civilization. He’d be fine, surely the kid hadn’t wandered too far. Plus, they were still near the path, if Tommy followed it, it wouldn’t be too hard to find the manor.
Thankfully, Prime decided to give Tommy a win, and he was quickly proven right. He had only been walking for about five minutes, Michael in his arms, before he spotted some buildings a short way ahead of him. Tommy made an excited noise and gently nudged the child in his arms. “Look, Michael, there are some houses up ahead. Do any of them look familiar to you?”
The young piglin nodded and then pointed to the largest building in the village. “Bee!” Tommy’s eyes widened. Of course, Tubbo had to build him and his family a fucking mansion to live in. Tommy walked up the snowy pathway to the front entrance of the house. He took a deep breath to steel himself and then knocked on the door.
There was a beat of silence before he heard a faint shout from further inside the house. He shuffled his feet, scuffing them against the ground as the two of them waited in a tense silence for someone to answer the door. After a few moments, the hurried sound of hooved feet against tile grew closer, and the door was thrown open, Michael’s name dying on Tubbo’s lips as he was greeted by his friend carrying his son.
Tubbo looked him over, as though to make sure Tommy was actually standing in front of him. He felt his gaze settle on the blinding white streak in his hair, the ugly scarring on his forehead that dipped deep into his hairline, as well as a few other scars that hadn’t been present or visible since Tubbo had last seen him. A myriad of expressions crossed his face, many of which Tommy now struggled to recognize, before Tubbo finally decided to settle on something close to disbelief.
“…Tommy? Is that really you?” Tubbo exhaled shakily.
Now that he was right in front of him, Tommy was able to get a good look at his old best friend. It wasn’t that he hadn’t believed what Michael had told him about how upset his father had seemed, he just knew that children often exaggerated their stories. This, however, seemed like no exaggeration. They might now know each other as well anymore, but Tommy was still able to recognize the subtle signs of his best friend falling apart due to their time during the war and Tubbo’s early days of presidency.
His eyes were faintly rimmed with red and puffy, and while Tubbo’s hair was always messy, usually it was done in a wilder way. His hair stuck up on one side, lying flat on the other, as though he hadn’t left his bed in quite some time. Tommy knew the feeling. He was dressed for the cold, bundled up in layers of neutral browns, but overall, he just seemed….tired. Tommy’s heart squeezed in his chest.
“Hi, Tubbo,” he murmured. “I found Michael wandering a bit off the path. He said he got lost, ‘n I was in the area, so I thought I’d bring him back to you.” Tubbo glanced over at the boy in Tommy’s arms and his eyes softened minutely. He stepped forward, and Michael reached out for his dad, who took him gladly.
“Michael! I was so worried about you! What were you doing out there alone?” Michael turned his snout into Tubbo’s neck and snuffled quietly.
“’M sorry. I jus’ wanted to try ‘n find something to cheer Bee n’ Boo up. But I found uncle Tommy instead, and so I didn’t need t’ find anything anymore.” Tubbo gasped quietly as Tommy watched the exchange in silence. Tubbo’s eyes turned glossy for a moment before he seemed to regain his composure and blinked rapidly.
“Yeah, it looks like you did. That was very considerate of you, but next time you want to go out, please ask me or your papa to go with you so you can stay safe, okay?” Michael nodded, “…mmkay.”
“Good.” And then he turned his eyes back to Tommy, and suddenly all of the apprehension and fear came rushing back to him. “I didn’t realize you – we thought you were…dead.”
Tommy exhaled shakily. Fuck , he hated having to explain what happened while he was trapped with Dream. Reliving those moments tended to leave him jumpy for the rest of the day. “I was, for a second there. But Dream revived me, said he wasn’t quite finished with me yet or some sh– thing .” He corrected his language at Tubbo’s sharp look, forgetting for a moment that Michael was still present.
After a moment of just staring at each other, Tubbo’s expression unreadable, he took a breath. “D’you want to come in? Talk about this some more? It’s time for Michael’s nap, so I’m gonna put him down really quick but then I’ll join you.” He nudged the door open wider with his foot and took a step back.
Instinctively, Tommy knew that Tubbo was leaving the two of them alone so that they could talk more freely about everything that had happened, but he couldn’t shake the feeling of fear that simmered in his stomach at the thought of being left alone with Tubbo, who, until 20 minutes ago, he had believed wanted nothing more to do with Tommy.
He swallowed his panic, nodded, and followed Tubbo inside. He tried to ignore the finality of the door swinging shut behind him, and instead distracted himself by glancing around the entrance hall. The foyer was somewhat big, with a stairwell in the center. There was an entryway to his left and right, and halls that led further into the house on either side of the stairs. Tubbo pointed to his left. “Living room is that way, big man. Make yourself comfortable!”
He watched Tubbo ascend before turning away to settle in the living room. This room seemed much cozier than the grand, cold-looking foyer. There was a warm brown couch up against the wall, with cushions that seemed softer than anything. Along its back was an old-looking blanket, one he remembered Tubbo always sleeping with during their time in L’manburg and when he stayed in Pogtopia. On the opposite wall was a humble fireplace burning low. A dark green armchair was to the right of the couch, its leather worn from months of love. There was a low table made of dark wood with various papers and mugs scattered about.
All in all, the space really felt like a home.
Apprehensively, Tommy sat down stiffly in one of the corners of the couch. He felt out of place here. Tubbo had made himself a home with a family that loved him with just as much love as he gave them. He had built a community, and though there was an underlying tone of distress, he felt entirely at ease here. Would he even want Tommy back in his life?
Lost in thought, he started when he felt the cushion beside him dip. Tubbo raised his hands cautiously, as though he thought Tommy would spook and bolt at the door without a moment’s notice. He was right, but it still pissed him off, dammit! He was still the same Tommy as before, and nothing could shake him!
He would keep telling himself that until one day he might be able to believe it.
“Sorry, bossman, I didn’t mean to startle you,” Tubbo looked apologetic, and he hated it.
He laughed, but it sounded slightly off, even to him. “Don’t worry about it Tubs! I’m a big man, and nothing gets past me!”
Tubbo laughed along, but it was clear that he could see right through Tommy. Quickly, he sobered up. “Tommy…how are you here? What happened in the prison?”
Tommy grimaced. “There’s not much to say about that, I guess. The prison got locked down, I provoked Dream, told ‘im that the revive book didn’t actually work, and he killed me just to prove that it did. Classic Tommy, I suppose,” he laughed without humor, ignoring Tubbo’s look of horror.
“That’s…real fucked up, I’m not gonna lie.”
A laugh burst out of Tommy, unbidden. “Yeah, I think you might be right.”
He glanced up, stopping short at the look on Tubbo’s face. “…why are you looking at me like that?”
Tubbo smiled, not without some ounce of sadness. “You just…seem different, s’all. You’ve changed. You seem more mature.”
Tommy wasn’t quite sure what to say to that. Of course, he’d changed. He’d suffered through unspeakable trauma, literally died and come back to life, and had to learn to cope with the fact that everyone seemed to be moving on while it felt like he would be forever standing in one place. He may be a stubborn son of a bitch, but even he would change in the face of everything he had gone through, and Tubbo had played some part in that.
“Well, of course I have. We all have.” He cleared his throat, looking down at his hands. “Speaking of change, I had something that I wanted to say to you.”
Tubbo nodded slowly in his periphery, “I’m all ears.”
Tommy took a deep breath and pushed down the panic. “Okay. Well. We’ve been friends for a really long time now, and you mean a lot to me. And I realized, after my time in limbo, and with Puffy’s help, that I haven’t said sorry to you nearly enough for everything that I’ve put you through. You’re my best friend, and we were meant to be a team. It was hard for you, taking on Wilbur’s role right after he died,” (he hoped his voice wasn’t shaking too much), “and I think that we all expected you to adapt much too quickly.
“ I expected you to adapt much too quickly. And that wasn’t fair to you. I should have made it easier for you, should have played my duties as Vice President a little bit better. And then, during the Green Festival, I said such cruel things to you! Things that I knew would hurt you. The discs are important to both of us, and they would lose so much of their meaning without you, but I still said such horrible things to you anyways.
“You’re my best friend, Tubbo, and I know we’re growing apart. All I want is for you to be happy. I’m rambling a bit too much, so I suppose that what I’m trying to say is,” he swallowed and looked Tubbo in the eyes, pouring his heart into his next two words, “ I’m sorry .”
As he stared back at Tubbo, the other boy’s eyes began to turn glossy with tears. The next thing he knew, there was a sharp pain in his skull and Tubbo’s arms wrapped tight around his waist. “Did you just headbutt me?” He squawked, still feeling the dull throb of it.
“And so what if I did?” was the reply muffled by Tommy’s chest. Tubbo unburied his face from Tommy’s sweater and looked up at him, glaring fiercely at him through messy tears. “Tommyinnit, you are an idiot. I had already forgiven you for most of that shit, and you’re still my best friend. Just because I got married and adopted Michael doesn’t mean I don’t want you in my life still. Change with me, stay a part of my life.”
The light in his eyes dimmed a bit. “I mourned you, y’know,” he said quietly. “I never thought that I would see my best friend again, and I truly believed that it was partially my fault.” Tommy’s heart squeezed. The same thoughts had passed through his head, as he floated through Limbo. “I’m glad that you’re back. I missed you.”
“I missed you too, Tubbo,” he croaked.
-
The two stayed tangled up on Tubbo’s couch for the rest of the night, talking and arguing like nothing had ever changed between them. Ranboo had passed through at one point, tackling Tommy with a hug and happy little vwoop s that intertwined with the laughter that rang through the air.
Before Tommy left for the night, he handed Tubbo the sweater he had painstakingly created for him from thick, dark green wool. Stitched into the sleeves were two bees and a compass. Tubbo squeezed him so hard he felt his ribs crack, a “thank you” murmured thickly into his cloak. Tommy left with an unspoken promise to return soon and a warmth blooming in his chest.
- Niki
It was almost coincidental, the way that Tommy had found her. He had been looking for her for quite some time but hadn’t been able to track her down. He was leaving Techno’s cabin after joining him for lunch and some light harassment when he heard something hitting the snow to his left. He turned toward the noise, spooked, when he was greeted with the pale face of Niki.
The woman looked like she’d seen a ghost (maybe, Tommy thought with some humor, in a way, she had). Her armor was well polished, her pink hair pulled back from her face, but the bags under her eyes told stories of bone-deep exhaustion that she hadn’t been able to shake. The two of them stood there, staring at each other for what felt like quite a long time, before Tommy shifted in his place, nervous.
“Hey, Niki.”
At his words, she started, as if shocked that he had opened his mouth and sound had come out. Really, it shouldn’t have been that shocking. Tommy was famously known as a talker . And if not a talker, a shouter. Before exile, he really wasn’t very quiet at all .
“You– you can’t be real. You’re dead !” She laughed, a bit hysterically. “Prime, I really need to be getting more sleep”. She tugged a bit on her ponytail, shook her head, and reached down for her axe.
As he watched her, he felt a deep concern crawling around in the pit of his stomach, slimy and heavy and wrong . He hadn’t expected his death to affect her quite this much, but wasn’t it just so nice to be proven wrong occasionally? He truly didn’t think Niki cared about him that much and had honestly thought that she had just seen him as her best friend’s feral little brother.
(Okay, maybe that was a bit too harsh and such a wild generalization. Niki had always been like an older sister to him, baking him and Tubbo sweets that she snuck the two of them underneath the counter, teaching him how to sew and knit and braid hair, and patching up his wounds during the war, behind Wilbur’s back down in the ravine and being so fiercely protective of him and him of her and –)
So, yeah. It was a bit surprising to see Niki in such a state. Tommy crept forward hesitantly. “Niki. I promise I’m not dead.”
Her head flew up and she scrambled back, defensive. “I don’t need another ghost haunting me! Just leave me alone! ”
Tommy felt frustration bubble up his throat. “Niki, I’m real! I swear!” And then he reached out and grabbed her wrist. She tensed up, expecting him to pass right through her, but stopped short as his hand encircled her wrist, warm and bony and real .
Immediately, all the tension melted from Niki’s body, and she shuffled toward him a bit, reaching out a hand. Tommy braced himself, not quite knowing what to expect but being pleasantly surprised when she cupped his cheek, her eyes filled with tears.
“That, you are.” She smiled shakily. “What happened to you, Tommy? Last everyone heard, you died .”
He scoffed. “Long story short, I did die. Dream brought me back, though. I’m just too great for this server to go on without me!”
Her face went through a complicated number of expressions, and she dropped her hand. “Now, that’s something that we can agree with.” She stepped back, as if she were about to walk away.
Panicked, Tommy held up his hands. “Wait, Niki! Before you go, I just wanted to say something.” She looked at him expectantly.
“I just– I know that I haven’t made things easy for you, in the past. You fought alongside us in the war, but you were one of the people that lost the most. I’ve constantly caused damage to your things and put your life in a lot of danger, and you were treated really badly by a lot of people because Wilbur and I constantly dragged you into our messes. I’m sorry for how much I’ve hurt you, enough to the point where you wanted me dead.” Niki was staring at him, speechless, by the time he had finished his rant.
She shook her head a bit and smiled sadly. “Thank you, Tommy. You were just a kid, doing your best to survive. I was too hard on you, and everyone put so much on your shoulders and expected so much from you. I think we all forgot that you were just a kid. I blamed you for Wil’s death and for everything that he had done. I needed someone to be responsible, someone alive , and you were the perfect scapegoat. I’ve done horrible things to you, but I want to do better by you. I’m trying to forgive you, and myself, and it’s hard.”
Tommy sniffled, suddenly feeling a bit choked up. Sometimes it was hard for even him to remember that he was only 17. “Thanks, Niki. Y’know, if you ever want to talk about him with someone, I’d be happy to listen. I miss him, too.”
She gave him a funny look. “When did you get so mature?”
Tommy laughed, a bit embarrassed. “Dunno, just sort of happened one day. Can’t take all the credit myself, though! Puffy’s been a big help.”
Niki’s eyes softened, “Yeah, she’s always been good at that.”
The two of them looked at each other for a moment, smiling shyly, before Tommy broke the silence by clearing his throat. “Before I forget,” he pulled a bundle of wool out of his inventory, “this is for you.” His cheeks burned as he gave it to her, embarrassed. Niki was prone to the cold a bit more than anyone he had met (though he thought he might have her beat, now), remembering her heat-seeking tendencies from when they were younger. He decided to knit her a heavy wool cloak with tones of black and grey. Sewn along the bottom edge were delicate pink flowers.
She let it unfurl, staring at it for only a moment before taking off the cloak that she was currently wearing and swapping it out. Niki looked up at him, smiling earnestly. “ Thank you , Tommy. I love it.” He felt his face warm a bit more as a little thrill rushed through him at the praise.
“Good. ‘m glad.”
At that moment, Niki’s comm beeped, and she glanced down at it. She read the message, a little frown crossing her face. She looked back up at Tommy apologetically. “I have to go, I’m really sorry.”
He shook his head. “No, it’s okay! This was kind of an unexpected meeting, and that seems really urgent. It’s totally fine – go take care of it.”
She smiled warmly and gave Tommy one more hug. “Thank you, again. I’ll see you soon, Tommy. Don’t forget to check your messages!” She called over her shoulder as she jogged off.
“You got it!” He watched her go before taking the path back home, humming a once-forgotten melody under his breath.
- Jack
Tommy decided it was time to pay Big Innit Hotel a visit. He hadn’t been back there since before he entered the prison, so he was a bit worried about the state it had been left in. He worried for Sam Nook and how he was doing without Tommy there to hang out with, and he was even a bit concerned about Jack, despite how much it seemed the man hated him.
The two hadn’t departed on the best of terms, so he was especially nervous to see Jack, but he knew the man only acted the way that he did toward Tommy because Tommy provoked him a lot. In his defense, it used to be a lot of fun to get Jack riled up, up until Jack’s death threats turned into promises if Tommy continued to cross the line.
Nonetheless, the hotel was his, and he still felt responsible for it despite his absence.
He walked down the path, the hotel eventually appearing in all its splendor. It didn’t look too run-down from the outside, which was probably a good sign. It meant someone must have been taking care of it while he was gone, and he felt a sense of relief at that. He entered the lobby, glancing around at the rich red carpets, opulent lights, and high ceilings.
Even the inside looked to be well-kept, and while it didn’t seem like it was too busy right now, someone had obviously been putting in the effort to maintain it for guests. Tommy released a heavy sigh he hadn’t realized he was holding, feeling a sense of relief wash over him.
The feeling was short-lived, however, as he was met with an angry shout. He flinched back when someone rushed up to him, getting closer than he would have preferred.
“Oi! What d’you think you’re doing here? You’re supposed to be dead !” Jack Manifold, a sick grimace twisting his red face, looked absolutely pissed to see Tommy, and yeah, he definitely had been expecting that. He was dressed in the hotel uniform, a little gold nametag attached to his breast that read his name, and in smaller letters scrawled underneath, General Manager .
“Yeah, well, ‘m not. Got brought back,” he muttered, already feeling set off from the loud outburst.
“That’s just too bad,” Jack laughed darkly, “You’re exactly like a cockroach, can’t seem to get rid of ‘ya.”
Tommy could feel his heart thudding rapidly in his chest. He swallowed a few times, trying to move back subtly to get the man out of his face. “Yeah, guess so. How’s it been around here? Business going okay?”
Tommy didn’t think it possible for Jack’s face to turn a darker shade of red, but he was quickly proven wrong as it took on almost a purple tinge. He could practically see smoke coming out of his ears. “What, you think just because it’s your name on the hotel means you can walk right back in here after being gone for an extended amount of time and just run the place again? No. You died, and you should have stayed dead, because some of us have jobs and are trying to have some sense of stability in the aftermath of the messes you create. You can’t just expect to have your old job back and for me to just – step down, after everything I’ve done to keep this place going,” he spat, chest heaving.
Tommy took a step back, begging for his heart to steady, “No, that– that wasn’t what I thought at all– I was just here to–“
Jack shoved at his chest, and Tommy flinched back like he had been hit. “Yeah, I know what you’re here for! You’re here to cause problems for me, because at the end of the day, that’s all you do! You ruin everyone else’s lives while you get to walk off scot-free and take no responsibility for your actions! Take some damn responsibility, for once in your life! I wish Dream had let you stay dead, because then life would be so much easier for the rest of us!”
Jack’s rough shove paired with the shouting knocked Tommy’s mind firmly out of alignment with his body, and his arms flew up to protect his head. Suddenly, he wasn’t in the hotel that he helped build. Suddenly, he was back in Logstedshire, back in prison, with him, where the fists rained down from every angle, and all he could do was brace himself against the tide and pray to Prime, plead with Prime to get it to stop, please stop, I promise I’ll be good and shut up, I’m sorry, I really am–
He fell to the ground, making himself as small as possible. Tommy , a voice that sounded strangely like Puffy called to him gently, I want you to focus on breathing for me. If you lose yourself, try and focus on naming five things that you can see.
Okay, that didn’t seem too hard. He slowly uncurled himself from the ball he found himself in. He looked down at his hands, one , which he discovered were shaking badly. He clenched them into a fist. Below his feet, two , he could see plush red carpet, three . Was he in the hotel? Looking a bit further up, he could see the corner of one of his favorite chairs in reception, big and brown and built to be sunk into, four . He seemed to be breathing a bit easier, and he felt the rubber band pulled tight around his chest loosen slightly. He looked up in front of him and was met with the sight of a broad metal back, five .
Sam Nook was here. Sam Nook was here, and he was holding a shining broadsword, defending him against whatever dangers stood in front of him. Panic rushed in once more as he remembered what happened: Jack, yelling at him, and saying some harsh but pretty accurate things. Jack, pushing him. Tommy, panicking, because even the insinuation of a cruel touch felt like a beating and put him firmly in freeze mode.
“JACK MANIFOLD.”
Tommy urged himself to his feet, hoping that Sam Nook hadn’t harmed Jack in any way. He didn’t think his being here would escalate this far, and he didn’t want to see Jack hurt, but here they were. He rushed to stand in front of the robot, waving his hands.
“Sam Nook, stand down! I’m fine, I promise, see? No wounds, no bruises.” To be honest, his ass was a little sore from the way he landed on it, but that was entirely his fault. There was no way he was going to tell the robot that in case he decided to kill Jack just for setting Tommy off.
The robot blinked, looking like he was scanning Tommy for any visible injuries, and put the sword down when he found none. He knew that the robot wasn’t programmed to make expressions, but he could practically feel the joy and relief radiating from Sam Nook at the sight of Tommy, alive and somewhat well.
“TOMMY.”
“Hey, Sam Nook.”
“I AM GLAD TO SEE THAT YOU ARE ALIVE. WHEN I HEARD THAT YOU HAD DIED, I WAS…SAD.”
“I think I’m glad to be alive, too. I missed you, big man.” Tommy smiled. Then, he turned to Jack, who had been quietly watching the exchange, an unreadable expression on his face.
“Sorry ‘bout that, Jack. Trauma ‘n shit.” Tommy took a deep breath, still a bit shaken. “Anyways. I didn’t come back for the hotel. ‘S yours now, you can have it, if you want it.”
Jack looked confused. “Wait, really? You’re not here to usurp me or some shit?”
Tommy shook his head, “No, I’m not here to take it back. I just wanted to see how everything was going, and to apologize to you, too, I guess.”
At those words, the man’s lip curled. “Tommyinnit, apologizing? Please, go on. I’m excited to see what you pull out of your ass for this.”
“Right. Well. First off, I don’t expect you to forgive me. I didn’t come here looking for that. You said a lot of stuff that was true, earlier. I was a right prick to you. You lost everything that mattered to you, including your life, on my account, on multiple occasions. Our relationship eventually became built on mean words, and I hurt you with more than just my actions. I’m really sorry for everything that I’ve done to hurt you.” He exhaled, feeling a bit of the weight lift off his shoulders.
Jack blinked at him in disbelief. Tommy reached into his inventory, but he paused when a thought came to him. Apologies didn’t have to just be about listing all the wrong he had done. It was about setting things straight, too. He looked into Jack’s eyes steadily, an expression of disbelief and discomfort growing on the man’s face.
“But you’re wrong about one thing. I have been held accountable for my actions. I’ve been through a lot of shit that a kid my age shouldn’t have had to go through, but I did. And I took responsibility for my actions as a kid , one who was learning and growing and trying to find where I fit in this world. And I’m sorry for that, too, I guess. That you felt like I made such big messes that warranted the punishment that I had received.”
Finished, he once again reached shaking hands into his inventory. He thought Puffy would be proud of him for standing his ground. He pulled out a smaller bundle of wool this time and passed it to Jack, who took it confusedly.
“What’s this, then?” he asked, unfolding the material to uncover a beanie, one side red and the other blue, with a small red mushroom stitched on the edge, splitting the colors evenly.
Tommy shrugged. “Just a gift.” At Jack’s confused look, he rushed to say, cheeks flushed, “You don’t have to keep it or anything! Jus’ throw it out, if you don’t want it.”
Jack stared down at it, quiet. Moments passed, and Tommy shifted, unsure. Eventually, the man looked up, seeming shaken. “I still hate you, you know.”
Tommy’s heart sank, but this was something that he expected. “Yeah, I figured. I’ll just get out of your way, then,” and he turned toward the exit. He started walking off, but paused when Jack spoke again, quietly.
“I still hate you… but if you want to come ‘round sometime, see the hotel ‘n Sam Nook, I’ll make an effort not to kill you. Neutral ground, and all.”
Tommy smiled. “I’d like that,” he replied, just as quietly. With a two-fingered salute, he walked through the double doors and didn’t look back.
- Ghostbur
They revived Wilbur.
They revived Wilbur, and Tommy had to watch as his ghostly counterpart was murdered right in front of him. The wall of lava lowered, and Ghostbur would never return.
He was feeling…conflicted. On one hand, he would have his big brother back. His big brother, warm and tangible and alive . His big brother, the one that would hold him through the nightmares when he was a child and ruffle his hair and sing him sweet songs and tease him lovingly. All things that Ghostbur would do, too. He may not have been able to physically touch, but Prime, did he try.
But then again, the Wilbur leading up to his death was not one that he knew or liked. Tommy was afraid of that Wilbur, just a bit. That Wilbur wielded words like weapons. He was unpredictable and angry, intentionally cruel. He spoke in low and dangerous tones and left bruises on more than just the soul. This Wilbur wasn’t afraid to put him in harm’s way.
Even when they were together in Limbo, Wilbur was cruel to him, telling him that it was better that he was dead and that he had always been bad for the server. He knew how to get into Tommy’s head, use all of his worst fears and twist them until he believed, without a doubt, that they were true. He was scared that Wilbur was back, but he knew he should have been glad, because he had missed his brother greatly.
Just because he sometimes wanted Wilbur back didn’t mean he wanted Ghostbur to disappear, too. It made sense that only one of them could exist, and maybe Tommy was selfish for wanting both to exist, but Ghostbur reminded him of the brother that had raised him, that loved him and protected him fiercely.
Even though Ghostbur was a bit more naïve and childlike than his brother, there were moments when he would become…lucid. Where the images of his alive brother and that of his ghost blended seamlessly and, for just a second, it became real and Ghostbur would remember. He knew that that version of Wilbur resided in the ghost somewhere, but every time he got close, he would always shake himself, as if he’d forgotten who he was. He’d go back to being happy-go-lucky, forgetful, but there was always a part of him that would remain distant through the rest of the day.
When he watched Ghostbur disappear behind that wall of lava, Tommy knew he would never see his brother again. It felt like some part of him had chipped off and died with the ghost, and a large part of his hopes shriveled up with it.
The worst part was that no one seemed to care that Ghostbur was gone. They all celebrated his brother’s revival with a cocktail blend of joy, apprehension, relief, and a dash of terror. Tommy was still conflicted. Surely, having Wilbur back, alive , again was great, right? So then why did Tommy feel so sick? His stomach twisted and shivers wracked his body. He locked himself in his dirt shack and laid in bed for days, refusing to open the door for anyone. Not for Tubbo, or Ranboo, or even the quiet knocking of Techno, at one point. Tommy almost opened the door for him out of pure disbelief.
He didn’t want to see Wilbur, yet. Not until he could sort out his feelings and figure out exactly where he stood on the matter. Before he could even think to do that, however, there were a few other things that he had planned, things that would maybe help him come to terms with it all. For right now, though, he just wanted to lie here in the dark for a little while longer.
-
Tommy emerged from his house a few days later, pale and gaunt. He went searching for a secluded spot, some distance away from his house and from L’Manberg. He could only hope that he wouldn’t run into anyone who might ask him questions on the way. He wanted to find a place with plenty of trees and flowers, somewhere peaceful, a place where it felt like time was suspended.
Fortunately, it seemed like the Prime Path was devoid of anyone, and Tommy assumed they were all up to their own shit or maybe visiting Wilbur (he shoved the wave of bitterness he felt at that thought down for him to address some other time). He was quiet, lost in thought, serious in a way he found comfort in more often, these days. He veered off the wooden path after a while when he spotted a forest that looked promising.
The deeper he went into the forest, the quieter it seemed to become. It was eerie, a bit unsettling, but Tommy couldn’t help but find it calming. The trees here were bigger, untouched by mortal hands, and the flowers grew freely in all sorts of vibrant colors. Tommy found it to be beautiful.
He didn’t have to walk for too much longer before he found a clearing. The warm afternoon light filtered through the leaves of the trees, kissing his skin and turning it golden. Small white and blue flowers skirted the edges, as though shy to come closer. The breeze was gentle, softly ruffling his hair and disappearing as quickly as it had arrived. It was perfect.
He knelt at the base of one of the great trees, one with ground that was flat. The large, gnarled roots spread outwards and met back together, creating a sort of shelter. He trusted that it would keep everything safe from weather or any other curious eyes that may also encounter this place.
From his inventory, he pulled out a round stone. Scratched deep into the surface were the words ‘Ghostbur’ and two dates. At first, he wasn’t sure what to put for the first one, but after some consideration, he decided to write down the date that Ghostbur first appeared to him. The second date was easy: he wasn’t sure he would ever forget it.
He placed it down on the ground in front of him and looked at it for a moment. Prime, he hated funerals. He never quite knew what to say at them, and they were always such a sad event. Maybe he should have thought of something to say beforehand, in all honesty, when did Tommy ever plan out what he wanted to say before he said it? It had gotten him in trouble more times than he could count, but it had also gotten him out of trouble nearly as often.
“Right. Well, they usually say some shit like ‘here lies Ghostbur’ at funerals, but that doesn’t really apply here, since– your body was incorporeal to start and even that pretty much just– got banished.” He ran a hand down his face, sighing heavily. He felt exhausted. This was already going terribly.
“Fine, here’s what I’ll say instead. Here lies the memory of Ghostbur, as remembered by his brother, Thomas Careful Danger Kraken Innit, also known as Tommy. He will be survived by me, probably, uh, probably solely by me, because everyone else is just so glad to have Wilbur back. I don’t know yet if I’m glad to have him back yet.” Tommy paused. “Mostly, I just miss you , Ghostbur,” he said, voice thick. He swallowed once before continuing.
“Anyways, I thought I’d leave a few things here to remember him by. To remember you by,” he gave up talking in the third person, deciding to directly speak to the only person he cared about possibly hearing him, from whatever fucking Limbo ghosts got sent to.
First, he reached for a small wooden figure in his inventory. He cupped it in his hands delicately, rubbing his fingers over the practiced grooves. It had taken him a few tries to make a sheep that he was proud of, but he had distant memories of his father carving small figures and tried his best to replicate it. The wool was painted blue.
“First, this sheep. I made it while I shut myself in my house, trying to avoid everyone. I didn’t wanna see Wilbur yet, not while everyone seemed so happy to see him. This isn’t the first one I made either, Ghostbur. You really should have seen my first attempt. It was shit!” he laughed quietly. “I painted the wool blue to look like Friend. You loved that sheep, and honestly, I kind of did, too. I understand why you loved him so much: he helped me a lot. Wish I knew where he’d gone. Maybe he left when you did.” He placed the carved sheep down beside the stone.
The final thing that he pulled out from his inventory was a woolen bundle. Tommy held it out in front of him, letting it unfurl. What stared back at him was a deep blue sweater. Stitched onto the front was the light blue outline of a sheep, and on the elbow of one of the sleeves, a red disc. After a moment of staring at it, he hugged it to himself. For a moment, he almost imagined he could feel the cold spectral form of his brother filling it out, wrapping his arms around him as best he could and squeezing tight in a protective, ghostly embrace.
“For someone who loved giving out blue so much, you never seemed to receive any in return. At first, it pissed me off; the blue, I mean. But then I kind of realized what it was doing. Puffy helped me figure it out. She used fancier words than I did, but I’m gonna just use my own. She said that the blue was there to make the feelings real, to give it something that can be held in my hands. It gave me a place to direct my hurt without hurting myself or anyone else. It didn’t always help , but it did make things better. So thanks, for that.”
He pulled the sweater away from him, making sure to fold it neatly before gently placing it down in front of the other two items. “I just thought that, while you were still around, I know you felt hurt, too. I think you needed a reminder, just like the rest of us. Plus, I thought it would be nice if you could wear something that wasn’t covered in your own blood. We’ve both had enough blood to last a couple of lifetimes,” he sighed shakily.
“And look! This one has Friend on it! Also, I stitched chirp onto it, too, since it was the disc that we would listen to while I was exiled. I felt a little bit better after listening to it with you.” Tommy smiled at the bittersweet memory.
The smile fell from his face as he considered his next words. “I guess I’ll say a few things about you, now. Ghostbur, you were always so happy. You knew how to cheer people up and make people smile, even if you couldn’t do much to help solve the problem. You were terribly forgetful, and you loved to have fun, and that sometimes meant that you have trouble reading the room. You would sing me songs and watch over me while I slept, and I was really grateful for that. Dream thought you were easy to manipulate because you only liked to remember the good things, and he may have been right, but I also remember seeing the bad come back to you, too. How hard you tried to fight it, to fight becoming him . You were my big brother, and I love you.
“I had to watch you disappear, knowing that you were never gonna come back. I wish I had done more to help you: you wanted to stay in this world and learn more about what you had done while you were alive. You wanted to apologize and help people heal. You deserved to exist, too.” He took a shuddery inhale, unable to stop the tears falling. “I’m sorry I didn’t do more to protect you. I’m sorry that all I could do was stand and watch while you died. Please, come back. I miss you. I miss my big brother.”
He curled in on himself, body shaking from the force of his sobs. The wind tore through the leaves above him, afternoon light fading gently. He closed his eyes, curled up in the arms of the tree roots, hoping that when he woke up, all of this would be a dream.
When Tommy opened his eyes some time later, the sun had almost completely left the sky. It was that time of night where you could barely see your own hand in front of you despite the light still lingering ahead. He blinked his bleary eyes, reaching up with one hand to rub the crust out of them.
He glanced around, trying to get his bearings. Prime, Tommy hated crying. He hated crying and then falling asleep for an indeterminate amount of time even more . Slowly, he gained awareness. Right, he was in a forest not too far away from his home. He was holding a funeral for Ghostbur. His chest panged at the thought. He slowly got up, bracing himself with the large trunk of the tree he had laid under. He made sure he didn’t jostle any of the items left behind on accident.
He stepped carefully away from the roots’ embrace, and with a glance back, he set off for home, lighting a torch along the way.
In the darkness of the fading light and his haste to get home safely, he didn’t realize that two of the items had disappeared in thin air. Tomorrow morning, he would find the faint afterimage of blue streaks in his hair.
A small part of him slotted back into place.
+1. Ranboo
Ranboo was acting weird.
Not that the enderman hybrid wasn’t always a bit strange, but he was acting… different weird. Tommy didn’t really know how to describe it. Ever since Tommy had returned from Limbo, he seemed a bit clingier, more reluctant to let Tommy out of his sight. Sometimes, Tommy would catch Ranboo just…staring at him, a sad, distant look in his eyes. A lot of the time, he found guilt there, too. He avoided looking at Ranboo’s eyes when he thought that the other boy would be staring back, contact fleeting. He didn’t want to make Ranboo uncomfortable, but Tommy was…confused.
He wanted to know what had happened to make the enderman hybrid look at him like that.
Sure, he wasn’t always like that. When Tommy visited Snowchester or Ranboo sought him out, the two shared a lot of fun, normal moments, too. But there were times that it seemed like Ranboo was afraid to touch him, and the boy was fiercely protective over Tommy now, instincts flaring up in a hair-trigger response at anything that might put Tommy in danger.
Now, this was confusing Tommy. Before, he would have had no problem just confronting Ranboo, shouting profanities and making bold accusations that might not have even been true. However, this tactic probably wouldn’t work well on Ranboo, skittish as he was, and that wasn’t really Tommy’s style, anymore.
Tommy had been considering how to best ask Ranboo about what was going on with him, but it turned out that he hadn’t needed to think too hard about it, because Ranboo decided to come to him.
It was a bad day for Tommy. He had woken up feeling…off. The sun was too bright, his sheets were too scratchy and made his skin crawl, and he kept flinching at things that weren’t there. His body would ache with phantom pains, throbbing deep in his bones. He’d had days like this in the past, and while Puffy had given him some good ideas on how to deal with them, he could instinctively tell that none of those methods would be working for him today.
He sat up in bed, hunched over, and buried his face in his hands. He was already exhausted, and he hadn’t even been awake for long enough to warrant that feeling. So, he sat there for some time, unmoving, hoping that eventually it would all…lessen. Hoping that the tide would come in, and he would be able to actually do shit today.
Of course, his body never listened to him, and he’d always had the shittiest luck, so the most that happened was the pinching feeling behind his eyes lessened a bit. Taking that as a sign to start his day and try to be productive, he gingerly pulled himself up.
He decided to take it easy today. He wanted to tend to his small garden a bit, maybe pull out a chair and do some reading. He’d kind of taken to both activities after his revival a bit more. The latter was something that he used to pretend to hate, if only because his brothers loved it so much.
On a day like this one, he found himself bound to bed, bored out of his mind but unable to do much. Reluctantly, he picked up a book and found that he enjoyed being whisked away to different worlds, ones where he didn’t have to face his own monsters, but those of a more magical variety. He even read some of the myths that Techno used to read him, and he liked them so much that he tried reading myths from other cultures. He especially liked that Loki lad. Seemed like a neat guy.
As for gardening, that was something that Puffy recommended to him when he had mentioned, in a bit of a vulnerable moment, that he felt like his life had never been in his control. Gardening, she said, would give him something small to take care of.
All he had to do was tend to his crops or flowers, and he would be the only one in charge of them. If they died, they died, but their deaths wouldn’t be bloody. He would be able to start over as many times as he needed to, learning from his mistakes each time.
Plus, if he decided to grow crops, they would produce food for him. He would be able to sustain himself. Besides, she added with a wink, food always tastes better when it’s a direct result of your hard work!
Tommy kind of liked that idea, and he started small. He grew a few flowers: marigolds and sunflowers, because Puffy mentioned that they would be very hard to kill. He even planted a small batch of potatoes, since he had at least a vague idea of how to grow them from when Techno ranted about them during the “Potato War”.
Tommy liked the idea of creating things, helping them grow and live. His hands had seen too much blood and had done too much damage.
He exited his house, blinking for a moment at the blinding sun, and walked to his garden. Tommy picked up his watering can and began making his rounds, watering each of his flowers with care. One of his marigolds had been wilting a bit, and he was trying to coax it gently back to life before giving up on it completely, so he made sure to pay some extra attention to it. He hummed under his breath to the flowers, an old melody from when L’manburg was founded.
Tommy was so absorbed in taking care of his garden that it took him a moment to register the sudden shadow that loomed over him. He flinched back, fingers burrowing in the dirt as he looked desperately to the source of the shadow.
He was only a little bit surprised to see the tall figure of Ranboo blocking the sun, his tail flicking back and forth agitatedly. He appeared startled by Tommy’s reaction.
“Hey, Ranboo.”
“Hi, Tommy. I didn’t mean to scare you. Are you okay?”
Tommy forced a shaky smile on his face. “Never better,” he said to Ranboo’s shoulder and reached out a hand. “Help me up?”
Ranboo hesitated for a second before obliging, grabbing Tommy’s hand and pulling him to his feet. “Thanks.”
“Yeah, no– no problem.”
The two stood there awkwardly for a moment, not-staring at each other before Tommy sighed. “Ranboo, not that I’m not happy to see you– I am– but what are you doing here? What’s going on?”
Ranboo seemed to start, apparently lost in thought. Tommy wondered what was going on in his head. Sometimes he wanted to crawl into the enderman hybrid’s brain and work out his thoughts to better understand him. But Tommy , he thought to himself, that’s not exactly a normal, sane thought to have. Let’s pull it back a bit.
“Oh, I just– wanted to see if you were busy, that’s all.”
Smiling came much easier this time around, and it spread across his face, small but genuine. “Aww, did Ranboob miss me? Can’t go a day without seeing Big Man Tommy, huh?” The other boy blushed, clearly flustered by Tommy’s teasing.
“Well, yeah. I did miss you.”
Tommy gaped, surprised by Ranboo’s honesty.
“How can you just say stuff like that?” he said, voice shrill and panicked. Ranboo was always so honest with his friends and Tommy didn’t know how to deal with the blatant proof that someone cared for him at all.
Ranboo startled a bit at Tommy’s outburst and his tail flicked up to wrap around his wrist. “I guess that’s just how I am? You’re important to me, Tommy, and I miss you when you’re not around.”
“O kay , I get it! Can we please stop talking about it now?” He waved his arms around as his face burned, suddenly embarrassed. Ranboo nodded, Tommy’s shoulders drooped, relieved. “Do you… want to come in?”
The enderman hybrid nodded, a bit hesitant. Tommy brushed past Ranboo and headed to his house, not even looking behind him to know that the other boy was following him. Ducking inside and heading straight to the kitchen, he started rambling, a bit nervous for some reason. “Now, I don’t have much, but we could try cooking something? Tech sent me a few recipes, or we could try and improve on our pasta masterpiece, if you wanted?” It took him a second to realize that he hadn’t been followed into the kitchen, so he doubled back to the entryway.
Ranboo had stopped short just in the doorway, looking…conflicted. “Ranboo? Are you okay?” His face flinched, a series of emotions flitting across it before it finally settled on sad. Tommy didn’t like when Ranboo was sad: he looked like someone had killed all his animals. A familiar feeling of protectiveness surged within Tommy, but there was nowhere for him to direct it, especially when he had no idea what was wrong.
Ranboo took a shuddering breath before he spoke. “Why don’t you hate me?” Tommy blinked, surprised by the question.
“Ranboo, why would I hate you?”
He warbled sadly, “Tommy, I have done so many horrible things to you. I watch you get exiled, and while you were there, I knew something bad was happening to you, but I didn’t do anything about it. When we thought you…died, there in Logstedshire, I felt so guilty because I knew that I had a hand in it. When you actually died, for the last time, I mourned you, but I still went and married your best friend and tried to move on. I have done nothing but make life harder for you on the server, but you still don’t hate me. So why? ”
His breathing was coming fast, and Tommy could hear the sizzle of tears welling up in Ranboo’s eyes and running down his cheeks. Tommy’s heart broke. Was this really what the other boy had been beating himself up over all this time? Instinctively, he pushed forward toward Ranboo, reaching his hands out. “Can I touch you?”
Ranboo squeezed his eyes shut as more tears burned a bath down his face. He nodded, and Tommy began wiping the tears away with his hands before gently cupping his cheeks. His gaze focused on a spot just above Ranboo’s eyes, but he could feel the other boy’s eyes lock onto his. Tommy started talking as softly as he could. His voice shook.
“Ranboo, there is no way on earth that I could hate you. As someone very wise told me recently, you were just a kid . You’re still learning and growing, and you’re going to make mistakes. I chose to take all the blame for burning George’s house. You couldn’t have known what was happening in exile, because that bastard is an expert manipulator, and even if you did know all the shit that was going on, there wasn’t any way for anyone to stop him.
“When I died, I never expected to come back. I didn’t want to, at first,” those words only made Ranboo sob harder, and the tears finally spilled down Tommy’s cheeks, too, “but now I’m happy I’m here. No one expected me to come back, and if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have wanted everyone to mourn me for the rest of their lives. Sure, you could be sad for a bit, because life sucks without me around,” and Ranboo laughed wetly at that, “but I’d want you to move on and live your lives. I’d want my best friends to get married and adopt a kid together because they deserve to be happy .”
And those last few words brought on a new round of tears for Ranboo as he shook with the force of his sobs. Tommy guided them over to his shitty couch, sat them down, and pulled Ranboo into a hug, his face pressed to Tommy’s chest. Tommy held him for a while, until neither of them could cry anymore.
After a while, Ranboo spoke again, voice croaky from crying, “For the record, life did suck while you weren’t around. I don’t want to lose you again, you’re too important to me.” Tommy’s heart swelled with an overwhelming amount of love . “And even though you say you don’t hate me, I’m still sorry. I know you’ve been trying to get closure, and I think that’s a good thing, but I think you’re also owed an apology by a lot of people. I’m sorry that so many awful things have happened to you.”
Tommy’s voice came out thick, “Ranboo, you’re an idiot.” The other boy looked to him and pouted. “I’ve already forgiven you.”
-
Tubbo and Michael found them that way as the last rays of the sun brushed her fingers along the horizon: curled up on Tommy’s couch, with only the soft glow of lanterns for light. He mercifully didn’t mention the new tear tracks on Ranboo’s face or how red and puffy Tommy’s eyes were, instead forcing them off the couch so the four of them could cook and eat dinner together.
As Tommy looked around the kitchen at his best friend, his family , the last piece of his heart slotted in place.
I’m home.