Work Text:
Late June 2021
He is finally back! I arranged my entire schedule so that I could see the premiere of “Mixtape Oh”.
“Tomorrow is a great day!”
“Oh, really? Do you have anything to participate?”
“No, it’s your premiere!”
“Oh… You remembered it?”
“Of course silly! I am ready to be the first one to see it.”
“😳”
“See you tomorrow at your video 😉😘”
Actually, I didn’t sleep. I used to write a song with mixed feelings. I wanted to express how hard was this period, but we passed this with success. Actually, I wave written a lot of songs during this time: some sad, some hard rep, some with tints of hope, and some were ballads. And finally something with a happy ending after the rough storm.
Midnight. I didn’t bother to turn the lights off. Staring at the countdown process of seconds, I was almost flying. The emotion was gathering at my pounding heart. It was as if it was a performance of mine, to be released. My eyes went to the phone. I grab it and with lightning speed I text to him “24 seconds away”
“😮 you are watching it???”
“😉👍”
The video starts in full screen, projecting its light over my face. I felt like I was inside a concert hall. Every beat mixing with my blood flow, and every virtual image mixing with the reality. When he showed up, I smile by instinct. I put my fingers beside my mouth in embarrassment. I began to admire his face expression as his voice welled inside my ears through the headphones. I feel the rhythm and start to move my head in synchronicity. The plot of the song was touching and it was very understandable. I felt envious, because I wish to be part of that pile of photos with memories. Can I ever be like that?
His eyes look sad. He is a really skilled performer, even though I doubt he is acting here. I can see that he has mirrored all his fears in this song. His greatest fear is to be alone, but not only loneliness. He suffers a lot when he is away from his Stray Kids boys.
I write some comments at the live chat, and then immediately sent my review to Hyunjin.
“Hyunjin! That was amazing 👏👏👏👏”
“🙈 😳 Did you like it?”
“Are you kidding? It was more than like, I love this! Even though, it was a bit sad actually. I usually like to see you smile, because seeing you sad is very painful. But, if you like to feel sad, it’s OK. I will endure it with you!”
The morning came fast. Changsub came to say that the breakfast was ready but I didn’t bother to eat. I got out fast and with the light speed I approach at the boy close to the cafeteria. I was so enthusiast that I grab him from the waist and levitate him making circles.
- Minhyuk, Minhyuk! Calm down!
- Haha! OK, OK. Sorry!
I put him down as I saw the other’s eyes over us.
- I hope JYP doesn’t learn about this. I mean, your company usually doesn’t like bombastic news.
- Yeah, I hope so. Wow! Why did you react like that Huta?
- I don’t know. I felt it and I acted. I got emotionally charged by your song. I mean, you are back at Stray Kids and this is he first time I meet you since the February.
- Yes sorry, I barely found time even for today. I have an interview here nearby so I profited to meet you at 6 Am.
His smile warmed my heart that was frozen all this time from his absence. At the side of his bottom lip there was a trace of coffee. I wipe it away with my thumb, without interrupting his smile.
- It was a difficult time, really.
- It was difficult time for everyone. I mean, Stray Kids were devastated . I found them very sensitive when it came to you. I was sad as well.
- Thank you! You stayed in touch with me all the time.
- To be honest, I felt your absence to with painful emotions. I never wished to feel that feeling again, but when it struck me as lightning. I mean, the news about you, you being in hiatus… I also am very informed how much you prepared about Kingdom competition. You loved it so much, and in the end… OK, no more sad things. Let’s cheer for your return.
- Cheer with coffee??
- Haha, not quite. I have made some macaroons. I did them yesterday, for us to celebrate.
- Um… they taste very delicious. But, I cannot eat more. I am full now.
- Don’t worry. I am proud to make you smile for this tiny moment. I mean, you have supported me a lot since we first met. And you are a very bright person. I wish I could knew you more and closer. I envy your band, a lot. And they know this.
He starts to laugh as his black long bangs fall over his face. Using his right hand, he combed them up, letting them loosely fall behind the ears. So charming! While walking towards the car, we discuss a lot about the fresh video that came out at midnight.
- You will participate in our next competition, right?
- Of course! I will have no mercy on you! Hahaha…. Just kidding Huta!
- No, no! I like when you take me serious! On M Countdown I want you to see me as a rival.
- So, you will see me as a rival?
His hand elegantly adjusted my white shirt which was a bit shaggy.
- Ah! I can have difficult time to consider you as a rival, but I wish to give my best on stage, and I wish to see your best on stage as well.
- Ok, I promise then. See you soon Huta!
- See you Hyunjin!
His car left the quarter. I was still there, with my hands inside the pockets. I really missed him very much. I barely heard Changsub’s voice from behind me.
- He is a very talented artist, right?
- You here? Did you follow me?
- Don’t get irritated with me. After all, it was your choice to go sneaky, and yet you met him two steps away from the Cube office.
I start to walk away. I was in good mood to talk to Hyunjin, but not in the mood to give explanations.
- He is a JYP’s idol.
- So what?
Oh yes. Our meeting are mostly in the rival mode, but I don’t want that. I like to know his warmth beyond the stage. I want to infinitely be free to interact with him. No company, member, or other rules to make me refrain myself. So what if he is part of Stray Kids, and I am part of BTOB? We feel so good when we hang out. After all, we are humans, who like to share our thoughts, experiences, emotions, and help each other in difficult times. Our passion for art should not be a boundary, but a freedom tool to help us express ourselves better. We bleed the same colour, after all!
