Chapter Text
Finally!
A luxury vacation, all expenses paid! It was about time the Great Mammon was getting what he deserved!
Though… seein’ all his brothers pile onto the bus with him was a little off putting… sure they might’ve tried to help him complete the task for Diavolo to even go on the vacation, but it was you who helped him remember how to not get lost on that path.
So why couldn’t it just be the two of you?
Eh, whatever.
Free vacation was still free vacation, and that was luxury in and of itself~
He was the first off the bus the moment it came to a halt, stepping out with excitement already rising. “Yes! The ultimate luxury vacation destination where I get to spend my birthday is none other than…” He looked around, confused. No fountains. No high-rises. No glitz. No glam. No…
“… the Devildom Funny Funtime Zoo?! Is this some kinda joke?!”
“Is there a problem?” Lucifer asked, stepping out behind him.
“You’re damn right there’s a problem!”
The rest of his brothers began to filter out, standing around him in a semicircle. Asmo’s nose wrinkled in distaste, and Satan shifted his weight, placing one hand on his hip with a sigh.
“I’d be upset too if this is what Lucifer chose for my birthday…”
Quick to assume the positive, Beel shook his head. “Lucifer thought long and hard about the location, so I’m sure there’s a reason why he chose here.”
You stepped out last, curious and looking around, your question leaving your lips before your mind had time to reconsider. “Is this really where we’re going?”
Lucifer raised a brow, looking down at you. “What are you implying?”
“Uh…”
“Let it go,” Levi said, already checking out. “Once he’s made a decision, there’s no changing it.”
Asmo hummed in thought, “Mammon, surely you’re not surprised. You knew we’d end up somewhere like this, didn’t you?”
“Hell no, why would I assume that?!”
He snickered, and Mammon sighed, looking around again. Okay, the zoo. Hadn’t been here in years, but… fuck it.
Free vacation was free vacation.
“Well, there’s no turnin’ back now that we’re all here.” He said, putting his hands on his hips and puffing out his chest. He could have fun anywhere, just had to look for it a little harder sometimes. “I’m gonna have fun on this vacation, whether I like it or not!”
Levi snorted, “That’s the spirit, Mammon lmao.”
“Aw,” Asmo hummed, and you said something he didn’t quite catch, making Asmo titter quietly. What? What’d you say?
Before he could even think to ask, Lord Diavolo and Barbatos arrived. Where they’d come from and why they were here, he didn’t have a clue but if Lucifer was swingin’ this as some kind of piggyback off a work trip he better—
Actually, that ain’t a half bad idea.
He might have to borrow that.
Diavolo’s voice turned proud, projecting himself with an esteemed authority he used so rarely, though his smile kinda ruined the effect. “Prepare yourselves. I don’t intend on holding back today!”
“Prepare for what…?”
Lucifer was quick to take command, his expression stoic but a hint of a smile in his voice as he explained the reason for the venue. At first the idea of a treasure hunt was even less appealing than hanging out at the zoo for his birthday, why not just give him the present? Why make him find it? But then Diavolo explained why he was here.
Competition.
Yep. Didn’t need any more than that to know what was goin’ on.
“Bring it on!” He said, excited now. “You’ll see! The Great Mammon’s gonna find the treasure and get that prize without breakin’ a sweat!”
“There’s that false confidence once again.” Belphie said with a tired sigh, but it couldn’t bring him down.
Nah, he knew what the real real prize was now.
Diavolo and Barbatos were quick to head out, taking a path down toward the Haunted Aviary while his brothers were still arguing about who would go where and who would take the human.
Him, of course.
He reached out to you, “We ain’t got time to waste! Let’s find that—“
“Hold on, Mammon.” Satan said, stopping you before you could take his hand.
He scowled, “Can’t it wait? We gotta find the treasure!”
“Listen to me. If you’re going up against Lord Diavolo and Barbatos, you’re going to need a plan, and it has to be good.”
“A plan…?” He already had one.
Get it first.
“He’s right.” Belphie agreed, “We have more members on our team, we should make use of that advantage.”
“How so?” Levi asked, and everyone went quiet.
See this was why he didn’t waste time with strategy! Everyone’d spout about how great it was and then no one would have an idea!
He sighed and crossed his arms, deciding if he might just have to bail without you to get the treasure. As much as… he didn’t want to leave you with Satan for even a moment, but he had to get that treasure first.
“Let’s delegate roles.” You suggested, and Beel perked up.
“Good thinking. I like that idea.”
“Roles? What sort of roles?” Asmo asked, and you smiled with a shrug.
“I’m not sure what exactly, just thinking there’s a lot of us so it’d be easy to form teams.”
“Mm… some of us could search…” Belphie murmured.
“While others protect.” Beel finished, and Belphie smiled up at him.
“Yeah, I could see why you’d like that idea.”
“All right.” Satan said, easily drawing their attention without even needing to raise his voice. “Here’s the plan. We’ll split up into two teams. Mammon and the human will search for the treasure. The rest of us will keep Lord Diavolo and Barbatos distracted.”
Levi straightened up immediately, “No fair! How come Mammon gets to be with the human?”
Yeah… just the numbers alone made the teams feel…
Off.
Not to mention they’d followed him around earlier too… to make sure he didn’t fail and lose out on this vacation that was supposed to be for just him and you.
Wait a minute.
“I’d like to know why y’all are so gung ho about helpin’ me all of a sudden…”
“Huh?” Asmo looked at him, truly baffled. “Because it’s your birthday, silly!”
Belphie straightened up to see him around Beel, “… I thought that was obvious.”
Even Levi, while still a bit upset you were paired with Mammon alone, grit his teeth and turned the other cheek. “I’ll forgive you this time because it’s your birthday, but I’m not happy about it!”
They all… wanted to help.
He laughed to himself, fondness stirring in his heart. His little brothers…
“You guys are good for some things after all.”
Belphie squinted, his tone immediately souring. “What do you mean by that?”
“C’mon!” He said, reaching out to grab your wrist instead of answering. “We got treasure to find!”
You’d suggested starting with a quick circuit through the enclosures that were closest and headed down without a second though, just as eager to get searching as he was. But as the air began to feel heavy with the miasmic toxins of hellish creatures, he realized that… this place might not be the best for you to be in for long.
There might be hexes and barriers, but any of these beasts would be more than happy to test the boundaries for the chance at the taste of human flesh.
“You’d better keep a sharp eye out,” he said, staring hard at a basilisk as it slithered just outside the shadow of its den. “This place is especially dangerous if you’re human.”
“It seems safe enough,” you said with trust in your voice, admiring the enclosures and fantastical beasts that lurked within.
“How many times do I gotta-“ A chimera in the enclosure just behind you licked its chops, crouching down low. “Hey, I saw that look, ya ugly beast!” You jumped and looked toward him, but he focused the chimera down, striding toward it. “Ya wanna pick a fight?”
Its tail hissed, spitting venom, but he glared it down, unwavering until it slinked away in shame.
“Heh, that’s what I thought. You’d better look away!”
“Oh, my hero.” You teased, and he flashed you a grin before nodding to the next building that housed the creatures of the third level.
“C’mon, let’s go inside.”
The first box was way too easy to find, but some part of him was grateful Levi and Beel were there to test it first just in case. If he’d gotten caught in that net he might’ve been stuck up there the rest of the night. Instead, they took the fall for him and he was free to grab the box. Or at least he would’ve but Levi distracted him, complaining about being let down and giving Barbatos the opportunity to capture you.
Even if he might know that Barbatos wouldn’t hurt you, seeing you held hostage paralyzed him long enough for Diavolo to go for the box. Should he still try to free you? Barbatos would beat him in any kind of fight, but he couldn’t just leave you.
What if it was another one of Lucifer’s secret tests?
Or even worse, it wasn’t.
“Not this time, Barbatos!” Satan’s voice reverberated off the walls before he came barreling in and tackling the butler from behind. In the scuffle and confusion, you managed to break from his grasp and stumble forward.
“Mammon, now!” Belphie shouted, but he was already on his way to you.
“Quick, come to me!” He said, arms outstretched to catch you.
Barbatos sighed, caught in an armlock with Satan holding him firm. “I wasn’t expecting an attack from behind. You brothers always tend to work together at the most inconvenient times.”
He laughed, holding you close. “You’re safe now.”
“What-“
In an impossibly smooth motion, Barbatos slipped out of Satan’s grasp and straightened his uniform. “You can have the human. We have what we came for.”
“I’ll be taking this box off your hands.” Diavolo said proudly from behind, holding the treasure in his hands.
“What?! Lord Diavolo, where’d you come from?!” He spun, still holding you while Asmo ran in from the hall where Satan had previously sprinted.
“I… agh…” Asmo stopped, placing his hands on his knees and breathing in deep. “I finally caught up to you.”
Maybe running was a bit too generous of a word to use…
Still, he moved quick. Even worn out, Asmo had a way of moving that enraptured those around him. He straightened and brushed back his dampened bangs with a confident flourish.
“I’ll take care of him! Mythical beasts, obey my command and bring Lord Diavolo to his knees!”
The subtle sweet siren call of his words drew attention of all the beasts around, and any that could breach their boundaries soon began to gather around the group, focused on Diavolo.
“That should do it…” Asmo said, and Satan nodded to Mammon.
“You two—“
“Come here, little kitties!” Diavolo cooed, holding the box under one arm while withdrawing a small pouch from his pocket. “Who wants some yummy Demonus-flavored catnip?”
Just as quick as they were to hunt, the beasts around him perked up, submitting to their new master, the tempting call of catnip.
“This can’t be! The catnip broke the power of my charm!”
Diavolo laughed, sprinkling the last bit on the floor in front of his feet. “Time to see what’s inside the box.”
“Think again!” Mammon said, taking the opportunity to smack it out of his arms.
“Whoa-“
“He dropped the box! Catch it!”
You managed to grab it before it hit the ground, diving in between beasts lazing about.
“Oof! Got it!”
“All right! Nice catch!” he praised, and you smiled up at him, quick on your feet and running past Diavolo toward the others.
“Darn, they got the box.”
“You captured that box like you’ve captured my heart!” Levi said and you let out a breathless laugh in response.
“Aw c’mon, it was luck really. I thought I’d miss.”
You passed him the box, and Asmo clapped his hands together, hopeful. “Let’s open it up and see what’s inside, Mammon!”
He grinned and held it out, grasping the lid, “All right, here I go!”
The box creaked open and Satan leaned over his shoulder. “What’s inside?”
“It’s…” He opened it and peered inside, confused. The box looked nearly empty, but! He plucked the scrap of white he saw, “Just a piece of paper that says…” he flipped it over, “try again.”
Everyone groaned and he crumpled it in his fist. “Is this some kinda joke?!”