Chapter Text
Oliver was lost. Her Oliver was lost. Once and for all.
When she had seen the canister hit the floor and explode, Felicity hadn’t wondered anymore if perhaps she really had lost Oliver. She had known she had. She’d told Digg and everyone else that their Oliver was gone – that he really was Al Sah-Him now – but she hadn’t truly believed it until she had watched him walk away after sealing his friends in a cage with a deadly virus.
“I’m sorry, Felicity. For everything” she heard John whisper.
“You don’t have to be sorry for anything, John” she said back, her eyes becoming tired. “I’m glad to have known you.”
As her head became heavier she laid it down to Digg’s shoulder. It didn’t take long though till all tension left her body and her body sank down, her head ending up on her friend’s thighs.
Despite the circumstances that had made her end up here, it was still Oliver’s face she saw as she drifted into unconsciousness. It was still his arms she felt around her as her body became numb. She’d give anything in order to go back to the beginning and have another chance with her Oliver.
She sucked in a deep breath, trying to revel in the memory of that one night she had had with him. She imagined the feel of his lips on hers, his body pressed close to hers. She could almost smell the scent of him in her nose and almost taste his skin on her lips as much as she could hear the low moans he was given in her ears.
She felt as if she was falling like when your body became numb right before falling asleep. And just like those time she winced, her body regaining self-control. She inhaled and frowned surprised when she realized that she wasn’t coughing anymore like the virus had made her just seconds before. The tiredness she had felt seconds before suddenly gone.
Was she in heaven or wherever else the souls of dead ones went?
She felt her eyes open almost like on own accord and she didn’t need long to be convinced that wherever she was it wasn’t heaven.
It took a while to orientate herself which might be partially due to the fact that she hadn’t expectedto wake up at all. She had always assumed that dying was exactly like falling asleep and that there was no consciousness anymore. She certainly hadn’t imagined to wake up again.
She needed three attempts before she finally got her body to move. It felt sore, almost like she was having a muscle ache. When she finally managed to sit up, she realized that she was no longer huddled on the floor of a dark cell in Nanda Parbat. Instead, she was curled up on that damn lumpy mattress she had gotten rid of more than seven years earlier, in the middle of her first apartment in Starling City, surrounded by several packing cases that were put everywhere without any obvious system.
“What the frack?” she whispered to herself.
She must have lost her mind. Or at least her actual consciousness. Maybe the virus was making her hallucinate. At least that could explain why all of this felt so real and why she could smell the fresh paint on the walls as well as the stinging smell of the packing cases although she knew that she wasn’t really in that apartment in Starling. She couldn’t be.
She took a look around the room, finding everything exactly the way it had been all those years ago. Most of the boxes were still unpacked, just the most necessary things had been put into place. The old coffee machine was placed on the kitchen counter, her old laptop lay next to the mattress that was put on the floor and a mirror was hung up on one of the walls.
Felicity could feel her heartbeat stopping as she caught her reflection in the mirror above her old dresser and saw what she assumed was her 19 year old self staring back at her. Her hair was longer than when she had been lying on the cold ground of Nanda Parbat expecting to die. Her face seemed younger, less adult and maybe a little less experienced, but she still recognized herself in it. Her eyes seemed to be not as bad as they had been lately, missing seven years of work at displays.
“What the frack?” she repeated, automatically framing her face with her hands just to make sure this isn’t some…
Well, what could it be? Other than crazy of course?
She had been lying on the floor of Nanda Parbat and-
Or had all of that been a dream? Had she been dreaming a life in which she was helping the city’s own personal hero, falling in love with him and dying by his actions?
Felicity pinched herself, not exactly knowing if she wanted to make sure this was a dream or everything else had been. As the stinging pain ran through her body she still wasn’t certain what this was, but she definitely knew that her work with Team Arrow and-
Team Arrow, she thought, looking around to try and find her friends, but of course didn’t find them. Her hands weren’t chained to the floor, she wasn’t in Nanda Parbat and her friends weren’t there.
Hastily she searched for her phone, finding an old one she hadn’t been using in years, but scrolled through her contacts to call her friends anyway which was kind of crazy because nobody had had their mobile with them, but neither had she and now here she was in her old apartment in Starling, a mobile she hadn’t seen for years in her hand.
It didn’t take her long till she realized that the contacts of all her friends were missing. Three of the seven contacts she had saved were from restaurants she couldn’t remember. One contact was her Mum and two other college friends she hadn’t called since graduation.
Of course her friends’ numbers weren’t saved in a mobile she had stopped using years before she had met them. Question was what that mobile was doing here anyway. And what was she doing here? And why was she looking like the last seven years hadn’t happened.
What the frack was going on here, she wondered taking another look around.
Everything was exactly like she remembered it from seven years ago, right after she had moved to Starling City and into this apartment. The grey kitchen counters had their best times behind them and still were slightly dirty from whoever had lived here before her. She could even see the ugly stains on the cheap linoleum floor that she was going to cover with a brightly colored carpet.
Again she caught her reflection in the mirror.
A creepy assumption built in her thoughts and Felicity had to take deep breaths to keep from hyperventilating while she lifted her mobile from where she had put it on her thigh and opened the calendar, looking up the date.
She heard herself gasp as her phone told her that he date was 15th of June 2008.
“What the frack” she repeated once more, hurrying to get up from her mattress that was set up on the floor probably because she hadn’t had a bed back in 2008.
Back in 2008, she repeated quietly. It wasn’t 2008. It was 2015 and-
Felicity shook her head. She couldn’t think about this any longer. She needed facts and that meant more facts than what her old mobile was telling her. So Felicity almost ran towards the door, not caring that she was only wearing a short pink pajama. She grabbed her purse and her key, hurried down the three floors of stairs and ran to the small kiosk to buy a newspaper, ignoring the expression in the vendor’s eyes regarding her barely there clothes.
“What the frack!” she almost screamed, reading the same date her phone had showed her again.
“I’m sorry, but is this one of today’s newspapers?” Felicity asked, just to make sure.
“Sure. We don’t sell yesterday’s newspapers” the vendor said, eying her up like she was crazy before busying himself with putting products into the shelves around him.
Today’s newspaper? It couldn’t be. It was impossible! People didn’t just travel back in time. Unless they were Barry and could actually mess with the timeline like some magical… something that really could do that.
But normal people like her? No, normal people like her didn’t travel back almost ten years in time to the day of their most important job interview, especially when they had gotten the job and didn’t need a second chance for that.
Felicity stood still in the middle of the stairs. If she was really reliving this day, wasn’t she supposed to do everything exactly the she had done it the first time if she didn’t want to mess everything she had done up? One wrong move and she might end up somewhere different.
Not that she was exactly begging to die at the ground of Nanda Parbat, but most of the things before that hadn’t been that bad.
This was crazy! How could any about this be real? Was it real? And if it was, then how did it happen and most importantly what was she going to do then?
Nervously she strolled upstairs to her apartment, opening the door and starting to walk up and down in her small home.
So what was she going to do?
Sighing Felicity came to a stop and let her chin sink to her chest. What if she was actually finding a way back which she sure as hell wanted to do and any of the things she did or didn’t do that she had done when she had lived through this time for the first time had an influence on her life? What if this was some kind of time travel where she might change everything?
Biting down on her lower lip Felicity closed her eyes, trying to think clearly.
On one hand she still couldn’t believe that any of this was true so why bother?
On the other hand there had been so many things she had never been able to imagine that had happened like Barry getting hit by lightning and gaining super-speed that she really didn’t want to risk messing up everything she had been building all those last years just because she hadn’t been careful enough to actually consider that this might be one more of those creepy things that nobody believed really happened until it finally did.
Sucking in a deep breath Felicity went to the bathroom, already taking off her pajama. Of course her 19 year old self had hung out the clothes she had decided to wear. Luckily Felicity should add because she couldn’t have quiet remembered what she had worn and she should try to repeat as much of her original actions as she could.
As she got ready for her job interview Felicity made up a plan for what she had to do as long as she was in this world.
First she was going to get that job interview done. It was the one important, life changing thing that she had done at this time. After that it was going to take one week until the head of Human Resources called and told her she had gotten the job and after that it was going to take three more weeks until she had to start working.
That left enough time for her to figure out what the hell was going on here, why she was here and what she had to do to go back hopefully without messing up some mayor events.
With a last glance into her mirror she grabbed her purse and left the apartment.
She still had one hour before she had to be at QC which at least gave her enough time to go to that coffee shop she had missed so much since it had been closed in 2013. It had been the only store where it had seemed like they had understood the meaning of extra strong coffee. She didn’t really remember whether she had been there the day of her job interview, but what could go wrong with that little alteration?
As she strolled along to the coffee shop she took a close look around. Everything seemed so different from what it had been lately. A lot of things had changed probably. Certainly. She wasn’t exactly far from the Glades, having rented the apartment although she hadn’t gotten the job yet. Yet as in this day of 2008.
She shook her head. This was still so crazy. It felt like a weird dream and that made her want to just do crazy things in this crazy dreamt world, but the fear of this not being a dream and her actions messing up everything she had worked to achieve were to immense. She couldn’t just risk all of that.
Felicity turned left into the road with her favorite coffee shop ever. With a glance to her watch she decided to not only take a coffee, but also something to eat. She felt like she was starving although she really couldn’t figure out how she could be hungry with everything going on right now.
As she entered the coffee shop she stepped right towards the counter, ordering that extra strong coffee she had missed so much and a sandwich to strengthen her for that job interview that was probably going to be a little bit messy because she was certainly going to babble from time to time, but in the end they were going to give her the job anyway.
Or she was going to get it if she was at least as professional as she had been when she had been there first. Luckily she didn’t feel as nervous as she had been that first time which could only mean that she was going to be more self-confident and more professional. She knew the technology of the future. Who else could say that about them?
Or wasn’t this like a re-living those next seven years? Were things going to change? Had life just given her a look of what could have happened to her if she had gotten that job and was now giving her the opposite?
Felicity sighed quietly. There were so many possibilities of what way this life was going to take. It could be exactly like it had been before or any other way. Everything could happen. So she should try to redo at least the most important acts in her life and hope that it was going to be enough to not change everything that her future was supposed to bring.
She paid for her coffee and her sandwich and turned around to leave when suddenly a way too familiar pair of eyes caught her attention. Felicity had to increase her grip on her cup of coffee to not let it drop to the floor as her hands started shaking and her heartbeat fastened.
“Hey, Ollie! Those look like they are about to leave. We could sit there!”
Felicity right away stared at Oliver who stood only a few feet away from her, wearing blue cargo shorts and a white shirt. His hair was longer, not only longer than the short haircut the League had given him, but also shorter than she had ever seen it on her Oliver. He was gesturing at someone who was walking through the coffee shop towards where a young couple was just about to leave.
She could barely take her eyes from him, but managed to at least glance at who he was talking to. Her heart dropped right to her stomach as she saw Tommy sliding down on one of the chairs, already studying the menu.
Oliver must have sensed her staring because he suddenly massaged the back of his neck with her hand and turned around, looking right at her with a questioning glance. For a short second she thought he might recognize her. When she remembered everything shouldn’t everyone else remember, too (why hadn’t she thought about that before?!), but then Oliver frowned, eying her up and Felicity felt herself blushing, bit down on her bottom lip and hurried to get out of the coffee shop as soon as possible.
She almost ran into – what a surprise! – Laurel on her way out and was just lucky to only seen in the corner of her eyes as Oliver put his arms around her kissed her. Really, it shouldn’t surprise her. Back in 2008 Oliver and Laurel had been together, but it was all so weird. Seeing them together after everything that had happened between her and Oliver was weird, even though Felicity was at least very sure now that she was the only one remembering any of what had happened.
She hurried around the next corner to be out of sight in case Oliver was going to take another look at her after she had been staring at him so obviously. She leaned with the back against the cold stone wall and closed her eyes.
Being here had been so surprising that she hadn’t really thought about what this actually meant. She had known that this meant that she was kind of stuck here, but she hadn’t spent one singular thought about all those other people whose lives had changed within the last years.
Tommy was not dead now.
Laurel still had her sister.
And Oliver hadn’t been through all these years of torture and suffering.
Maybe if she figured out what all of this was and what all of this meant, maybe she could spare all the people she had grown to known the suffering they had been through.
She had three days before Oliver was going to go on the Gambit and started his journey into five years of hell. Oliver being on the island had always seemed so fixed that she hadn’t even spent one thought on that being different.
But maybe she could find a way to prevent that. Maybe she could spare Oliver those years on the island and Hongkong and God knows where else he had been. Maybe she wasn’t going to die on the cold floor of a cell then, surrounded by her friends and betrayed by the man she loved like she had never loved anyone.
Felicity breathed in deeply, straightening her back and controlling her face. If she wanted to save her Oliver she would have to find out more about what was going on here and to do that she needed to spend a lot of time at her computers.
For a short second she thought about not going to job interview. It could be a waste of useful time she could need to stop Oliver from going on the Gambit. It was going to take a lot of work to stop him from that, given that he didn’t even know her yet.
Otherwise if she didn’t get Oliver to not go on that boat trip – because honestly, why should he listen to a completely stranger telling him that? – then she needed a backup plan to at least get him off the island as soon as possible and that was probably a lot easier if she was working for the Queen family and had all of that equipment to use to pretend to search for him while she knew where he was already.
As a slight headache started she shook her head and tried to shake those thoughts. She had to seriously think about all of that when she had that job interview behind her. Something made her feel like she really needed to get that job. She might not know what was going on here, but she knew that this was important.
From all her circling thoughts it seemed to be the only one that really was clear.
So Felicity sent a silent prayer to heaven, asking for enough time and strength to get through this. Because she really felt like she had no idea what to do.
“For now” she said to herself “you should go to QC and get that damn job.”
Nodding to herself she started her way.
Two and a half hours later Felicity still had no idea what she was going to do.
At least she had been to that job interview, Felicity tried to convince herself that she wasn’t just wasting time she could spend saving the man that she loved.
Against her expectations the job interview hadn’t been as good as she had thought. She had known every single question before the QC employee had asked, but her mind hat been busy, trying to figure out how she was not only going to save Oliver from all those years of pain and fear, but actually save everyone else whose life had been endangered because of Malcom Merlyn and his twisted idea of serve up justice for his wife’s death.
She hadn’t found a way to do that so far.
As she walked back from QC to her apartment she made up a plan to at least get some work done within the next hours. Till she couldn’t just run to Oliver and tell him not to go on that boat trip because the boat was manipulated by his best friend’s father and he was going to end up on a hellish island for the next years, becoming a hooded vigilante when he returned and then after fighting to figure out who he really was for more than two and a half years was going to join a group of psychotic murderers, actually deciding to kill the people who had come there to save him.
Felicity shook her head. The longer she thought about everything that happened here the crazier and weirder it got. She was used to help saving people, support the actual heroes who protected the city. Being part of a team like that was what she knew. But beating a man who had killed more than 500 people all on her own?
She had never really felt like a hero. She knew she did good and she knew that her help was actually a key to saving a lot of people, but she had always more felt like an assistant to the heroes than an actual hero herself.
Well, she might have no idea if she was actually going to achieve anything, but she knew for sure that she wasn’t going to achieve anything without a full pot of that heavenly strong coffee. So Felicity headed back towards the coffee shop. As soon as she had the coffee she was going to go back to her apartment, shutting the doors behind her and find out if there was any way to stop Malcolm from destroying almost everyone’s life.
She couldn’t stop herself from glancing to the corner where Tommy had decided they should sit down together when she had run into them this morning. He wasn’t there and Felicity felt her heart lift the tiniest bit. She wasn’t ready to run into him again just yet. Seeing him and knowing what was going to happen to him as long as she hadn’t figured out what to do to save him was just unbearable.
So after a long talk to the waitress who explained to her that they weren’t selling pots of coffee and she should order several cups instead, Felicity finally convinced her to just give her that pot of coffee and even paid some extra dollars for it.
While she stuffed her wallet into her purse she heard a voice next to her say: “Hi, sorry, Oliver Queen. I think you called because you have found my wallet?”
Immediately her head snapped to the side, seeking out Oliver’s eyes, but he kept them on the waitress, at least at first. As soon as he sensed her staring he looked at her, winking at her before looking back at the waitress. Felicity kept watching him and she could swear to be able to make out the exact second he recognized her from this morning.
Frowning he turned around, looking at her again.
“Do we know each other?”
Yes, we are soulmates and we love each other so much and even if you don’t know me I know you and I know that we are meant to be together, Felicity thought for a brief second and was very relieved to realize that her brain to mouth filter had worked at least this one time. So she shook her head instead with a slight smile and took her pot of coffee to leave. Oliver stepped in front of her before she was able to leave, eying her up.
“You’re cute” he said, looking at her with what was probably supposed to be a charming smile, but actually gave Felicity goose bumps of the not that good kind and she couldn’t even really say why.
Maybe it was the fact that he had no idea who she was or that only a few hours ago she had seen him kissing his girlfriend.
“Excuse me?” she said, raising her eyebrows.
“You’re cute” he repeated. “And I’ve never seen you here which is a shame because like I said you are cute and I think the two of us could have a lot of fun and-“
Felicity didn’t know what had been turned the balance. Maybe it was the seductive smile he gave her as he tried to talk her into an adventure that was surely meant in a sexual way or maybe it had something to do with the subdued feelings after Oliver had left them in the cell to die or maybe it was something else Felicity couldn’t understand right then. All she knew was that one moment she was listening to Oliver’s words and the next second her hand was suddenly lashing out, slapping him right in the face.
Oliver stared at her in disbelieve, his mouth opened slightly. He looked shocked. Before he could say anything Felicity turned around and walked away.
Yes, she had wanted to save Oliver. She still did of course because no matter what nobody deserved to go through what he had to go through.
But for the first time since that possibility had been on the table, Felicity wondered, if saving this Oliver was going to bring her back her Oliver.
A tear rolled over her cheek as the realization reached down to her heart that maybe the answer to that question was No.