Chapter Text
The plan was literally fool proof. Stiles couldn’t have thought of a better scheme if he tried. So why won’t Danny just go for it?
“What is it?” Stiles asked, “Your current fling? Is he stopping you?”
Danny, cool and as unbothered as could be, didn’t look up from his textbook. He just highlighted a sentence and said, “No.”
“Is it backstory?” Stiles pressed on, “Because I thought of that, too. We started dating in High School. You fell for me after I scored the winning point in the last game of the season, and then asked me out to prom, and we’ve been inseparable since. Romantic as shit.”
Danny sighed through his nose, “No.”
”Dude,” Stiles leaned against Danny’s desk, ignoring the way the shark edge dug into his hip and plucked the highlighter from his hand, “work with me! I need this!”
“You do not need me to pretend to be your boyfriend.” Danny was being painfully patient with him. That or he liked watching Stiles beg and squirm for his help… Danny’s a horrible person.
“Just tell her to leave you alone.” Danny concluded.
“I have!” Stiles exclaimed, “She won’t give up! She’s worse than Scott when Allison was around. I literally told her—to her face!— Hey, Amanda, I’m gay. She laughed and said— Actually, y’know, she kinda said what my Dad did when I tried to come out to him the first time.”
Danny looked him dead in the eyes, “If you wore anything other than flannel and graphic T’s, she might have believed you.”
In retaliation, Stiles tossed his highlighter across the room.
Danny rolled his eyes at him. “Just so you know, I stole that from you.”
“Just help me. I promise I’m not a terrible boyfriend.” Stiles begged, “Besides, I already told her you’re my boyfriend.”
Danny’s eye twitched.
“And unless you wanna seem like you’re strolling your ass back into the closet,” He continued, “you should pretend to be my boyfriend. It’s literally only for, what, a month? I’ll even let you keep your current hookups too, because I’m a nice fake-boyfriend.”
“You’re a horrible, evil person.” Danny said, standing up from his desk finally. Stiles moved to stand straight too, just to stretch what little height he had in comparison. Danny’s always been a little taller. “I’m laying out ground rules.”
“Already got ‘em.” He said, eager now that Danny seemed to be on board with this crazy scheme. The relief he was feeling was unparalleled because, frankly, he didn’t have a plan B if Danny said no. He rushed to his backpack, tore it open and flipped through his notebook to look at the chicken-scratches he had made during class.
When Amanda had flat out asked him— again— for a date in front of her sadistic shark-toothed girl squad, Stiles had rejected her— again— and said he had… well, he sorta alluded to the fact he had a boyfriend. That went down about as well as someone could expect, but Amanda sorta demanded his boyfriend take him to class so they could meet.
It was as if she didn’t believe him or something, which is entirely ridiculous because Stiles can absolutely bag a man all on his own. He’s great at relationships!
Danny impatiently plucked his notebook from his fingers, “Those ground rules better include something about not sharing a bed. Or making me like you.”
Coercion is a perfectly valid method of getting a last minute boyfriend.
“Nah, nothing like that.” Stiles shook his head and gestured to the notebook, “Just basic stuff. No touching unless previously agreed to, y’know, all that.”
“Not…bad.” Danny seemed to begrudge the fact that Stiles had actually thought this through.
The rules are simple;
- Parties walk each other to classes if possible.
- No physical contact unless both parties are comfortable with it
- Nobody can know the relationship is fake. ESPECIALLY friends.
- Code word to establish discomfort is ____
- Behind closed doors, the relationship doesn’t exist
“Code word?” Danny looked at Stiles.
“I figured you’d want to come up with your own.” Stiles shrugged, “My safeword is usually pineapple.”
“That’s a little random, Let’s make it easier for each other.” Danny took a pen from his desk, scribbling down as he spoke, “Our code word will be calling each other gorgeous. Easy to do in public and only we’ll get it.”
“Wow. You sound like you’ve done this before.” Stiles teased, pleasantly surprised and begrudgingly impressed. That’s a way more convenient code word than pineapple and it sorta ticks him off that Danny was the one who thought of it. “Anything you want to add?”
“This seems fine to me.” Danny shrugged, then looked Stiles up and down and wrinkled his nose, “But if we’re actually going to look like we’re dating, you need to get a better look. I’m not embarrassing myself by saying you’re my boyfriend with you wearing a Yoda Best shirt.”
“Done.” Stiles thrusted his hand out, “But fuck you, because that’s my favourite shirt.”
Danny took his hand and shook, “It shouldn’t be.”
Danny took him to his class, as per the agreement. It was a little awkward, tryna figure out if either of them were comfortable with hand holding (they are not). Stiles hasn’t actually had a boyfriend before. He totally just bold-faced lied to Amanda when he said he was gay; He’s bisexual and he liked women fine, he just wasn’t looking for anymore girlfriends currently.
Thinking back on it, he could have just told her that instead. Huh.
“I hate this building.” Danny grouched, opening the front door for them. Stiles wondered if Danny was just committing to the lie or if he was naturally this chivalrous.
“Too many stairs.” Stiles agreed absently, trying not to look awkward while he hovered in Danny’s personal space. He’s close enough to feel Danny’s body heat, which sounds off a separate
“So… do you wanna kiss goodbye?” Danny asked, looking equally as awkward with how close Stiles was next to him.
Stiles lowered his voice, “Dude, we’re not even to my classroom yet.”
Danny’s eyes rolled so hard Stiles was impressed they didn’t pop out of his skull. And, just because he knew Danny hated it, he held his hand while walking to his classroom. With the way Danny’s fingers fidgeted by squeezing and flexing, he knew he was doing a great job with making him uncomfortable.
“You are a terrible boyfriend.” Danny hissed into his ear, which sent a shiver down Stiles’s spine for reasons he’s not going to unpack.
“Maybe. I’ll text Lydia and see if she agrees. Ironically, I think she broke up with me because I was too touchy with her.”
Danny’s voice lowered, “Maybe that will be why I break up with you.”
“You wont break up with me. I’m your perfect match. I’m basically the yin to your yang. The peanut butter to your jelly.”
“I hate jelly.”
“You hate what?! Jelly’s, like, my top ten favorite— oh, shut up.” Stiles turned on his heels to stare at Danny, desperately trying to hide his face from Amanda. “She’s waiting at the class door.”
“You’re the one talking.” Danny said.
“Not the point.”
“You told me to shut up?!”
“Well, shut up!”
God, he’s screwed, isn’t he? If Danny can’t even take him to class without bickering, how are they supposed to play it up being the perfect picture of a college relationship? Should he have just bit the bullet and taken Amanda out on the worst date in the world? He could have. He could have just eaten a ton of onions and garlic and tried kissing her like how Lydia kissed him that one time.
He’s still not over the way she left slobber along his cheek. Disgusting.
Suddenly, Danny’s face lifted from grouchy-pants to pleasant and smiley. Woah.
“She’s coming over.” Danny whispered.
Oh, right. Amanda.
“Fuck, what do I do?” Stiles whispered.
Does he kiss Danny goodbye? Does he let go of his hand? Holding his hand feels so weird, still. Yet, the way Danny squeezed his fingers made him feel way more comforted than it had any right to.
Amanda breaks him out of his thoughts, “Hey, Stiles… Is this him?”
He turns around, taking in the way Amanda sizes Danny up with barely concealed contempt. Ooh, she does not like him.
“Yeah, this is my amazing boyfriend.” Stiles said, scrambling for something else to say and settling on, “He’s tall, isn’t he?”
“A little too tall for me.” Amanda rebuffs.
Who the fuck says that?
“It’s a good thing I’m only for men, then.” Danny responds, and if Stiles didn’t know any better… he’d say the guy was offended.
Amanda’s lips form a line, “Are you? You dress like every other guy I’ve been with.”
“It sounds like you need to rethink the men you’re with.”
Stiles jumps in, totally mortified with what the fuck Danny just said. “Ha! He’s kidding. I’m sure every man you slept with was straight.”
He doesn’t really know why Danny is taking this shake down so seriously. Maybe it’s because she’s giving him those I hate you vibes. Actually, thinking back on it, Danny’s best friends with Jackson and anybody who’s friends with that asshole definitely knows how to dish out some mean comebacks.
“So, how long have you been dating?” Amanda asks, although she looks as if her ego was bruised a little with Danny’s all the men you slept with were definitely gay comment.
Stiles answers, “Since high school.”
“Fell in love after he scored the winning point in lacrosse.” Danny says, thank fuck he remembered Stiles’s backstory.
Suddenly, Stiles is turned by a hand on his shoulder. The hand he was holding onto disappears, and he hadn’t realized he’d grown used to holding it during their conversation.
“Sorry, Gorgeous.” Danny smiles at him, “I need to leave. I’ll pick you up after class, though, alright?”
“Okay.” He nods, trying to think of when and where things went wrong for Danny to use their safeword. Was it the hand holding? The backstory? Amanda herself?
Danny, for whatever reason, kissed his hand and walked off like the knight in shining armor of teenage-Stiles’s fantasies. The fuck?
“He seems clingy.” Amanda whined, totally breaking the moment for him.
Stiles turns to walk into class, “He’s really not.”
“Yeah, well, I had a boyfriend like him and he…” Amanda droned on about her ex while Stiles found his seat for class, still wondering what the fuck he did to make Danny safeword.
He didn’t have to wait long. Mid-class he gets a text; it’s Danny.
DANNY: Sorry i left.
STILES: It’s okay. Did I do something?
DANNY: No, I needed to get away from her. hated her right away
DANNY: It was like a spell or something
STILES: You don’t have to take me to class anymore if you dont want
DANNY: Nah, rule number 1, remember?
Stiles didn’t really know what to say to that. So, he just typed Thank You and set his phone away.
Yeah, it would suck if they broke any rules, wouldn’t it?