Work Text:
Her work was done with a breeze again today.
Keqing finished her work today and readied herself to go home early.
Stretching herself, she then checked the weather report for the afternoon. There would be the usual time sale after sundown in the shopping district, but she felt she didn’t need to go visit and buy something yet.
Keqing made a last look at her work of the day before shutting down her computer. She then picked up her jacket and said goodbye to her peers who’s still crunching.
It was a rather fine day in the near springtime; friendly weather that’s not too cold or too hot, good planning for the month ahead, and a well-established workflow.
Keqing might be what could be described like any other younglings nowadays: a collar worker who worked 9-to-5 with overtime pay at times, who’s wanting to be successful before 30 to improve family financial situations and to secure better days ahead in her later days without much fuss.
Due to her past struggles, she had become what she had envisioned in those what she could call ‘worst days’, she already had some of her goals come true and she was progressing for better and better with a stable income and stable job.
And yet.
Keqing pressed the elevator key down with a sigh. Her phone rang in her pocket, a message came from her mom reminding her to eat healthy and get enough sleep, then a few ads of discounted beverages she once wanted. She entered the empty elevator and stuffed her phone back to her pocket.
A lingering thought remained, and there she was still holding on to her phone inside her coat pocket.
Keqing eventually opened her phone again, scrolling down the messages app then stopped at one particular mail that had ended its chain replies years ago.
Goodbye - the last mail said, ticked read and Keqing didn’t deign to reply after that. She didn’t even bother to delete the contact, as though it was a constant reminder to her from who exactly the message was.
Ningguang . Keqing swallowed at the mere thought of the name, then she shook her head as she finally shut the phone and placed it back in her pocket.
How many years has it been since they last met? How many times did they fight before their eventual, unavoidable breakup? How come that those days she didn’t want to remember now already become a memory she couldn’t forget?
The elevator dings as it reached the lobby floor, then Keqing walked away from the office with a heavy heart.
She had someplace to go this evening - a place where fond memories remained.
✦
It all started like this: a chance encounter while browsing a dating site. An instantaneous meeting. A random occurrence.
Actually, Keqing hardly believed it - she thought dating sites were simply a quick tool to meet someone you never know at random for once, but tailored to your preference. Then, after empty chattering and perhaps first meeting you forgot about them after one night stand or something, not like the relationship would stay too long to comfort.
Keqing realized this later as she underestimated dating sites.
This woman she met—Ningguang—was more than something ‘simple’.
‘Beautiful’ was not a word to describe Ningguang, she was so drop dead gorgeous. She was taller than Keqing, dressed impeccably formal for their first meet-up after the match up in the dating app, and she was a little bit older than Keqing. Age likely has wisened Ningguang, as Keqing felt her way of talking and her demeanor were not ‘fake’ or ‘too polished’. Then again, Ningguang pretty much wanted to take things easy as her work demanded to be stiff, much like Keqing.
“You’re more handsome than your photo.”
Ningguang managed a joke as she sipped on her coffee. Black, again the same taste as Keqing’s. Ningguang agreed to meet up in one of the cheap cafes downtown, a sign that she was not a picky person. The dating app really pulled all the stops to match her with her preferred girl. She was just perfect.
“And you’re more, uhh …” Keqing struggled for wordings. “Prettier than those stickers and lighting touch-ups in your photo?”
“My, you flatter me,” Ningguang chuckled. “Though I admit, I don’t know how to utilize those filters.”
Keqing stifled her laughter. She was about to say something about Ningguang as a boomer, but no, she should keep a good first impression. She didn’t want Ningguang to throw a coffee at her for calling her a boomer on the first meeting.
They then started up with talking about their hobbies, and mostly what they usually did as a job for living. It was pretty much a grown-up talk but not as depressing as comparing salary or achievement. Keqing hated those - especially with how their society went on and on about investing and all those bullshits.
“You’re nice to talk with, Keqing.”
“Really?” Keqing was surprised. “I too am glad to meet you, Ningguang.”
Keqing was aware something is different, yet she settled to be nonchalant: this won’t last for long.
✧
Yes, Keqing still couldn’t believe that she had been acquainted with Ningguang for more than two months.
Ningguang now already knew Keqing more than her peers at work, and even more than a friend would. They met up about frequently during weekends, if not sparing a little time after work hours. They would just meet up to talk, if not spending time in cafes and restaurants for quick dinner.
Ningguang was rather easy, as she hardly complained, though she would say something of her mind better than Keqing. Keqing was glad, as her brain worked differently than others, so she mostly let Ningguang steer the conversations and their meet-ups.
At the same time, Keqing also learned more about Ningguang, and was wholly intrigued by Ningguang’s personality.
Ningguang might be as busy as Keqing, but she was forward, and had better time management than Keqing.
Ningguang started her current business from zero, but Keqing didn’t know until then as Ningguang never boasted about it. Rather, Ningguang was a down-to-earth person and spoke up about herself when needed.
Ningguang liked her coffee black. Ningguang disliked extravagant foods. Ningguang liked small bites they could get in the night market. Ningguang preferred savory rather than sweets. Ningguang enjoyed seafood the most. Keqing slowly became accustomed with Ningguang’s tastes the more days they spent together, simply sitting by on a park bench, strolling on the night market, or going for gastronomic adventures.
At times, Ningguang would happen to foot the bill, in which Keqing wrestled it from her so that they could at least pay halfsies if Ningguang refused for letting Keqing to pay. Such trivial matters didn’t fail to get them laughing, and they would go back-to-back as always when it is about the bill.
Then, one day, they met for dinner in a nondescript chinese restaurant downtown, known for its nice Crystal Shrimp Dumplings. Ningguang was fresh outta work and Keqing picked her up from her office. Ningguang looked a bit different today, though Keqing chalked it up as she was tired after her job.
“Say, Keqing?”
Ningguang began as they settled down right when the meal ended. It was a starry night outside, moonless, but still a great night. When Keqing remembered that night again, she recalled the vivid thump in her heart as Ningguang smiled warmly to her way.
“Yes?”
“How about we … date for real?”
Oh— oh.
With this easiness, Keqing almost forgot that they met from a dating app - with an undertones of going for a date. They have been going for two months without much hassle that Keqing was getting too comfortable, perhaps.
“Sure, why not?”
Keqing squeezed her hand on the table. Ningguang’s cheeks dusted crimson in response, and Keqing couldn’t help but to also be shy. They didn’t talk for long, though their hands stayed connected. It was a warm touch, something that Keqing never minded.
Then, as Keqing accompanied her home, they shared a chaste kiss before they parted ways. Never in Keqing’s wildest mind would their relationship evolve easily that way, and mostly everything was unraveling in unexpected notions.
That night, Ningguang called her again briefly before they slept, the public handholding and the kiss still kept them in cloud nine.
Ningguang was perfect. At that time, Keqing couldn’t think of any other person but Ningguang.
That might be the first time Keqing could say that she fell in love, and she cherished her connection with Ningguang deeply. Ningguang was like fresh air to her busy, disorderly life.
Ningguang might be nobody that Keqing thought won’t last long as Keqing merely saw her from a dating app, but more time they spent together only made Keqing grow fonder. Ningguang might be nobody that knew nothing about Keqing, which perhaps exactly what Keqing was thankful of, and Ningguang moved quickly to be her somebody. Hers.
Keqing was sure she wouldn’t forget about that kiss for a bit long, she wanted to cherish that warmth again and again.
✧
However, such things—such easiness—couldn’t last forever.
Keqing knew that it would be a case since her life was unstable. She, also, was not relatively a stable individual. Her workaholic tendency and how she could only fixate on only one thing at a time in tunnel-like vision were a hindrance she has yet to cope with.
Nowadays, she knew Ningguang would be there for her, a warm welcome to revisit and who would accept her with open arms.
Then again, Keqing only knew later that she thought Ningguang too less than she was worthy.
It was one night when Keqing swamped with work and problems at home, that she forgot to notify Ningguang that she couldn’t meet up for the night. Her family had been calling her nonstop since yesterday about certain important bills they needed to pay, but Keqing has yet to get her paycheck. She doubled her effort by going for overtime so she could rack up the payday, but still she must wait for the end of the month to have everything paid.
That night, a continuous call rang her cell phone, she picked up the call without seeing the caller name.
“What is it now? Can’t you tell I’m still busy?”
“You didn’t tell me,” a soft voice coming from the other line spoke. “Should I cancel the reservation, then? I’ve been waiting for two hours.”
Oh, dang, it was not her mother bitching about the bills, it was Ningguang.
“Did we plan on meeting?” Keqing scrambled, she dropped her pen.
“You did,” there was a longer sigh, a tinge of disappointment was clear as day. “Or at least that’s what I remembered, so I booked the place in advance … but I take it that you’re still in your office now?”
Keqing had her fists clenched on the table. Not only did she forget about having a dinner appointment, but also there she was yelling at her lover. She massaged her temples as she explained how a deadline was coming up and she was in the office for the whole night.
“Look, I …” Keqing sighed over the phone, unsure at what to say. “Sorry, I don’t mean to yell, it’s just-”
“It’s okay, though it will be better if you tell me next time.”
After a little bit of small talk, they wrapped up the conversation, then Keqing went back to focus on work without giving Ningguang another second thought as their talk was over and Keqing had apologized.
But then, unbeknownst to her, such small fights would eventually accumulate to something bigger, like a domino falling to topple its peers, and Keqing was late to realize that her relationship was already walking on thin ice.
✧
“Sorry, but I have to cancel our dinner, my work’s piling up.”
“Again, Keqing?” Ningguang said coolly. “You should’ve said it yesterday.”
“You didn’t ask,” she replied. “Oh, sorry, my boss is calling for me. I’ll talk to you later.”
A beep, then she moved up with work like nothing happened. Things like those have already happened more than once. The frequencies of their meetings lessened as Keqing took more jobs, and they settled with phone calls with a lot of canceled dinners on the trail.
After their first fight, or ‘small argument’ as her brain dictated her, their relationship went into stagnation. Keqing was getting more busy because of the demands of her family and she could barely talk to Ningguang over the phone let alone meet up with her. Ningguang didn’t seem to mind at first, as she was also busy though Ningguang made several initiatives as always so they could at least talk a bit on leaner days. Then again, Keqing was so fixated over her job that their supposed meeting time always cut short or interrupted.
In the end, they mostly talked through texts and small phone calls here and there, exchanging small ‘I love you’s and ‘missing you’s.
The cycle went on and on, until Keqing was too stressed to do something else but working and functioning to get her pay that she ignored Ningguang’s call for a whole week.
When the call went through, Ningguang was not exactly amused, but Ningguang was good at masking her expression and irritation.
“Are you free today?”
“Not quite, but maybe fifteen minutes before midnight.”
“That’s too late, I can’t catch the last train.”
“You can stay in my place,” Keqing said, sifting through papers and typing furiously on her report. The only cubicle in the office that still lit up was hers.
“And spend the night watching you work?” Ningguang said.
“You’re not one to talk. I’m busy, and so are you.”
“... But I always make time for you.”
“Look, you might want to patronize me but I’m nothing like you, you know that right? I’m not a business owner, I don’t work in my own leisure.”
“Keqing, that’s—” There was a rise of her tone, but Ningguang settled with a sigh. “Never mind, sorry to bother you. I’ll … call you when you’re free.”
Keqing threw her phone to her finished pile of papers, muttering darkly to herself. As she focused, she forgot everything else, and forgot about Ningguang.
She forgot that Ningguang needed her too.
Though, Keqing could only shrug, perishing the thought as Ningguang would likely call her again the next day as nothing happened.
✧
Thinking back, there have been a lot of occasions that Keqing had hurt Ningguang’s feelings, and so Ningguang did the same.
Their fights that would start small and end quickly escalated to be bigger fights with longer time for them to cope. Keqing was promoted at work because of her perseverance and her workload getting more packed, and at the same time, Ningguang had a big break in her business. Their exchange on phone now included a bit of unrestrained yelling, and they once met to pick up where they left off in the fight though they ended things with lukewarm reconciliation.
At that point, Keqing thought of her relationship with Ningguang as a chore but she couldn’t pinpoint herself the exact reason of what made their relationship turn into such a mess.
But then, Keqing admitted she was still in love with Ningguang. She tried to comfort Ningguang when she could. She tried to take the initiative when starting a conversation. She might not be the best hugger out there but she would open her arms and welcome Ningguang to her embrace.
However, their bonds kept on being tested as Keqing struggled.
Keqing at times wondered if Ningguang was with someone else as she went radio silence for some days. Ningguang also wasn’t as animated as when they first started dating. At times, their lunch meet-up or dinner would end with less talking and tense atmosphere.
Perhaps, perhaps; Keqing was thinking too much, but Ningguang gave her a strange look from time to time, as though she was hiding something but decided not to talk about it. Keqing shrugged mostly, thinking the next day would be better.
Then, one day, that very call from Ningguang came to her. A call that Keqing remembered every word up until now.
“Keqing.”
Ningguang’s voice was cold. Ningguang was no longer hiding her pent-up frustration at times that Keqing surmised that it came from her job or whatever out there. At least that was what Keqing was led to believe as she was already ‘doing her best’ there.
“Yes? I said that we can’t meet up for the weekend, right?”
“No, not that,” Ningguang’s tone was neutral now. A pregnant pause was there, Ningguang seemingly thinking over it before saying the ultimatum: “I want to break up.”
Huh?
Did Keqing hear her right?
“... Why? Can we meet now?”
“It’s no use, you’re still working, aren’t you?” Ningguang stated the obvious. Keqing looked around her, she was still at her desk, work and work was what she could think up until a minute ago. “I know you’ve made time to see me, but sometimes I couldn’t help but to think that you’re not making an effort for it.”
“Effort? What are you talking—”
“How many times have I told you not to cancel a reservation at the last minute? Or for making me wait in the park for so long then you suddenly said you forgot and you can’t make it? Or with all the yelling and the empty apology that you spouted?”
“But Ningguang, I tried to …”
Keqing stopped as everything dawned on her.
Thinking it from an outside perspective, what she had done to Ningguang was mostly an insult to the injury. She was so self-centered, thinking of Ningguang as a liability, a constant thing that would stay unchanged as her life went spiraling.
Keqing was not the only one suffering. Keqing was not the only one struggling.
Ningguang was there for her, patiently so, and Keqing forsake every attempt to make things right.
And now, as the chalice was full and close to spill, Ningguang was fed up with her.
With certainty, Ningguang spelled it for her.
“Yes, you tried, and I was thankful for it, but at times you just never listened,” Ningguang’s voice shaking. “It’s like I’m the only one trying to keep this relationship intact and you’re …”
There was a quiet moment as Ningguang paused. Keqing could faintly hear the surrounding of the park around her, then a stifle of sob. Her heart clenched, but then she couldn’t deny everything Ningguang had said.
It was—
“I guess this is it,” her voice quivered, but it was sound and true. “Goodbye, Keqing.”
The call ended with a long beep, and Keqing couldn’t bring herself to pull away. The amount of self-loathing left her to suffocate, until there was a blink and beep of incoming messages.
Their message windows once filled with cheesy, heartfelt messages, until it was left cold with almost none savory replies left. There was only monotonous ‘okay’s and ‘yeah’s, and now, Ningguang’s last message ended the chain to a close.
Goodbye.
Tears trickled down from her eyes, staining the copy papers and her phone screen.
She cried.
For the first time in their relationship, Keqing cried.
This break up shouldn’t have happened. She shouldn’t have lashed out. She shouldn’t have made Ningguang feel uncomfortable. She shouldn’t. She shouldn’t-
And yet, it was all done for.
Keqing knew, deep in her heart, she had it coming.
She had taken Ningguang for granted, and here she left Keqing with an emptiness that couldn’t be erased.
✦
Once again today, like any other day that has passed, Keqing stopped by a park by the center of the town. She bought a can of coffee for herself to drink from a nearby vending machine, and seated herself at one particular spot.
This park was the go-to place between Ningguang and Keqing when they were engrossed with work but still wanted to meet. Twenty minutes from her office, and about fifteen from Ningguang’s owned business venture. After they met, they would sit there talking about nonsense for like a good twenty minutes. Within that twenty minutes, there would be sheepish laughter. There would be strange faces but none of them contorted in anguish. It was mindless fun. It was something that Keqing looked forward to during her stressful day job, to meet Ningguang and talk together like two high school girls not caring about the world.
At times, they would stray from the twenty minutes allocated time and Ningguang would fail to catch the last train. Keqing then offered for her to spend a night at her place. Ningguang would accept quickly, then they would go hand-in-hand, embracing the bustling city nights while being there only for each other.
It was, however, a distant memory now.
Keqing, now sitting by her lonesome, opened the black canned coffee and took a long sip.
This visit back to the corner of her memories has been a gesture she had made for the past few years when she was not busy, right after she and Ningguang had buried the hatchet.
Or to be exact, making a pact of never seeing each other again.
Keqing didn’t make a move to call her back or tried to run seeking for Ningguang. She understood that she had hurt Ningguang more than once, and not a simple apology could fix that. If things were to return with Ningguang trying to suppress herself, it would only be bad for both of them. They only destroyed themselves from within. Ningguang deserved to be happy - happier. Keqing had kept her long enough in the loop, it must have taken enough courage for Ningguang to let things end.
Meanwhile, Keqing was-
The coffee tasted more bitter in Keqing’s lips now the more she drank.
If things went differently and she was able to notice the signs better, would they still be meeting up and sitting there? Would they still be holding hands, sheepishly laughing over some strange jokes, and sharing one can of coffee together despite the fact that they could always buy two?
Then again, Keqing knew she was to blame - though maybe not fully - but it was because of herself that she let a chance slip away.
Ningguang was a perfect somebody. Her perfect somebody.
Keqing looked to the distance again, seeing the park glittering in lights. Valentine's Day was soon so they added more photo spots for couples, but it was on the main area, facing the road and crowded so Keqing couldn’t see it better. She couldn’t help but to picture herself teasing Ningguang for them to take a commemorative photo on a heart-shaped bushes, Ningguang would blush and voice a rejection but she would comply anyway. Then, Keqing would grin at Ningguang’s lack of expression when the photo was taken, then they would have a bit of friendly banter about it.
Yes, even until now, Keqing still imagined how things would play out if they could be together longer, if they could rewind time and patch out their faults.
They would perhaps be walking together after meeting up there, then parted ways if either of them stated they would be busy tomorrow but promised that either of them would make up for another day. They would say farewells for the night with sheepish smiles, then likely they would text each other later before they slept, hoping they could at least meet up the day after.
It seemed simple in her head when Keqing thought about it. Yet, she knew it wasn’t that easy for her.
Keqing downed her coffee dry, throwing the empty can to the nearby trash bin, and looked up to the starless sky.
When could she forget about Ningguang now? Everything she wanted to not remember has become a fond, bittersweet memory.
Keqing settled with a sigh as she closed her eyes, putting a lid to memories she kept going back to, and finally stood up from her seat.
Yes, she might not be able to forget, but she believed time would let her heal.
All left for her to do is walk forward and start to move on.
Keqing stepped away from the park, not once looking back. Hands in her pocket, she hummed a random song inside her head with a smile.
And finally, finally, put the thoughts to rest.