Work Text:
Tick-tock. Tick.
4:25 a.m.
The noise from his clock on top of a bedside table is filling up the entire bedroom, dim light from the lightpost is peaking through the blinds, low steady blowing noise from an air conditioner; and just like that— Jay's still wide awake.
It's been a week since that incident, a merely intoxicated action between them that he couldn't take off in his mind and has been bugging the little head of his.
Closing his eyes to deceive himself to sleep, he can only remember vividly how Sunghoon's touch burns his skin, the way his breath hitched literally and figuratively, and the feeling of his lips covering his body with its kiss and hues of purple and red.
Tangina, bukas matang iniintindi ni Jay ang mga nangyari habang patuloy na bumabalik sa isip niya ang mga ginawa nilang dalawa. Hindi niya alam, kailan mismo nangyari, at bakit hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin siya mapakali.
Sunghoon, best friend, best friend niya si Sunghoon, tapos at wala nang dapat na kasunod pa.
-
Halos isang oras na rin ang nakalipas ng napagtanto ni Jay na huwag matulog, lumiliwanag na rin ang kapaligiran nang napag desisyonan niyang tumayo mula sa kama. Naririnig na niya ang walis at dahon na tumatama sa semento, ang kadalasang istasyon ng radyo na paborito ng kaniyang lolo, at takure na pumipito.
Nag ayos ng damit at nagbanlaw ng mukha bago umalis ng bahay para magliwaliw.
He went out to get it out of his mind, but the mood wasn't exactly fitting,
it made him want Sunghoon more.
The morning is fairly unusual, the breeze is rather crisp unlike how it usually is with the sun and its scorching heat that prickle his skin. It made him dizzy with tiredness that is taking a toll on him.
He sat down on an empty chair near a park, fingers fiddling on each other, and a heavy sigh leaving his lips. They didn’t talk after that, avoiding to open up and leaving it off as if it didn’t happen.
Reaching to his front pocket to fish out his phone, the first thing he did was to open Sunghoon’s contact.
Hoon (sly fucker)
Composing his message and deleting it right away a couple of times. He didn’t know what to say, a simple ‘let’s talk’ or ‘you busy?’ isn’t exactly the right words he could put out, when a typing bubble suddenly pops up.
Hoon (sly fucker)
Kanina pa kitang nakikita na typing, may long sweet message ka ba sakin?
Shut up
Pupunta ako sa inyo mamaya
Ohhh
Okay
No funny business
Pero kung gusto mo ok lang din naman
Gago
And just like that he can finally release the air he's been holding on for too long. Getting up to go back from home, he let one quick look at his phone, they’ll finally talk.
-
Sunghoon, on the other hand, knows what he’s getting into but not the consequences of the episode the two of them did, and that made one of them unaware that they’re caught under the wheel.
It’s just a funny little stunt he pulled for a friend, right?
No, not when you knew from the start that you want your friend romantically, giving meaning to every looks and touches, or seeing yourself in a relationship with them; but Sunghoon choose not to do anything, not from the day that it happened, he let his feelings swallow him up and pretend Jay would feel the same.
Ilang beses niya nang inisip to, ilang ulit na ring sinabing titigilan na niya pero dahil sa hindi maipaliwanag na kadahilanan, ang dapat na tapos na ay pinag patuloy pa rin niya.
He’s bound to fall, over and over again.
It’s wee hours in the morning when he decides to drive around the city, street lamps and the faint music from his stereo are the only things that made him alive while tapping on the steering wheel to match the rhythm of the song.
It took him a while to find a spot to park on, a well lighted corner of 7/11. Thoughts running through his head if he should do it or no t — ah fuck it . He went inside the convenience store to grab a pack of cigs and a lighter. He rarely smokes but when he does, something is going on.
Unwrapping the plastic around it and quickly lighting up one. Seeing the flame enveloping the end of the cigarette, he took a long puff before releasing it from his mouth. He missed that feeling.
And with that, it is another day of thinking about Jay.
His narrow eyes, slanted eyebrow, his lips lips that he has been meaning to kiss for awhile. Drawn into the idea of him in his head.
A pack of cigarettes and a couple of instant coffees later, the skies have been cleared up as the minute passes by and Sunghoon hasn’t slept a wink, tiredness evident on his body. He’s back inside the car, an arm supporting his head on top of the wheel and being with a mischievous hand, he goes straight into that one conversation with Jay after unlocking his phone.
He wanted to press the call button but couldn't and a blink later, a typing bubble suddenly popped up and went on for minutes that made him irritated, and in just one click he sent Jay a message.
Ja the great
Shut up
Pupunta ako sa inyo mamaya
-
A few hours after the exchanging of messages, Jay is now in front of Sunghoon's house. McDonald’s paper bag on his left hand and a box of donuts on the other, a peace offering at that.
Sunghoon sensed that Jay was already there and Jay watched how Sunghoon’s light on his room turned on and within a minute or so, there he was, Sunghoon in his glorious form. The lights from the gate illuminate against his features even if he’s just wearing an old shirt and shorts that’s probably ancient by now.
“Hi” a breathy whisper-like greeting welcomed him as the smaller gate opened up.
“Ito nuggets at fries mo, kay tita yung donuts” showing both of his hands in front of Sunghoon.
“Tara, pasok ka”
Sunghoon’s house isn’t that big but big enough for their family of four, a modern house with a bright facade due to the big panel of floor-to-ceiling windows. Outside, there’s a patio with a small garden in front of it with a metal table and chairs surrounded by different types of plants that Sunghoon’s mother loves to take care of, but once you step a foot inside you can see how comfortable it is when you get enveloped.
“Jay! Hala kang bata ka, ngayon na lang kita ulit nakita” apurang pinuntahan siya ng ina ng kaibigan noong pagpasok nila sa pinto at akmang yayakapin pero natigilan noong hininto ito ni Sunghoon.
“Ma! Kitang may dala yung tao, sayang naman pag nahulog” awat nito habang hablot ang braso ng ina papunta sa salas habang nakasunod sa likod si Jay.
“Yung donut po pala… tita” ilang nitong abot sa hawak niya.
“Dito ka mag dinner ha? Mag prepare lang ako, Chuy anak, akyat na muna kayo ni Jay” at dali dali na rin silang iniwang dalawa. Diverting their eyes to whatever it lands on.
Sunghoon cleared his throat before getting up, getting the hint, Jay also moved along.
Mabagal ang lakad nilang dalawa na parang may hinihintay na magsasalita.
“Uhm, so?...” si Sunghoon ang unang tumibag sa nakakarinding katahimikan.
“Ang cute mo naman dito, ito ba yung nanalo ka sa drawing contest?” nasa tapat sila ng hallway na katabi ng pinto ng kwarto ni Sunghoon nang mapansin ni Jay ang isang larawan ng kaibigan, abot langit ang ngiti habang hawak hawak ang isang tropeyo.
“Oo, yan din yung time na nakita kitang nadapa” nakatalikod si Sunghoon noong sinabi niya ito, tunog mula sa pintuan ang nagpapukaw ulit ng pansin ni Jay kay Sunghoon.
“Pasok na” kita kung gaano kaiba ang itsura ng kwarto ni Sunghoon sa personalidad niya. Kulay asul at puti ang pangunahing kulay na makikita rito. Nasa gitna ng kwarto ang kaniyang kama, walang gaming chair pero may digital piano sa sulok, at mga estante na puno ng mga paborito niyang libro at cd’s.
“So, Sunghoon” panimula ni Jay na nakaupo na sa paanan ng kama ni Sunghoon.
“I’m going straight to the point. I know it might sound weird or bizarre and it’s hard for me to say this in front of your face pero Chuy, last week…” naunahan na siya and he knows what’s next and given the fact that Jay used his nickname shows that it is bothering him.
“Wait, let me talk. It was a mistake Jay, lasing tayo. We’re under the influence” diin nitong sabi, nasa tapat siya ngayon ng pinto at naka sandal. Blurting out whatever nonsensical words without thinking it through.
Sunghoon made a mistake.
“Look, iniisip mo bang mabuti yang sinasabi mo? Sunghoon naman, I know we both know na may laman yon eh, you can’t just do that and act na walang nangyari! You’re making a fool out of me” the last words were said like a whisper and Jay’s eyes were directly looking at him, tensed jaw, and tight lipped.
“So, it’s my fault now?” uncrossing his arms and walking in front of Jay. looking down to meet with Jay’s narrowed eyes.
“That’s not what I meant! Sunghoon, please.” he can see Jay’s lips quiver and chest getting heavy with his breathing.
“Oo, sige, sabihin nating may laman nga pero may makukuha ba ako? Ang hirap Jay, tangina. Ilang taon kong kinimkim to tapos sa isang lecheng alak lang doon mo pa malalaman?” Sunghoon’s vision started to get blurry with the tears welled up on his eyes, blinking away to let it trickle off his face. “I’ve always liked you and the fact that we're friends! I… just can't admit that and move on na parang walang nangyari kasi Jay… my relationship with you is not just like before, something is involved romantically.” he stumbled over his words, releasing everything he’s been keeping to himself… and to Jay.
Jay is practically glued to his seat. Looking confused, eyes darting to Sunghoon, and opening and closing his mouth like he wanted to say something.
“Oh, diba? Ito yung gusto mong marinig, right? Nasabi ko na lahat Jay. Okay na--” his words were cut off when Jay started to speak.
“Isang linggo akong hindi nakatulog nang maigi Sunghoon, it’s weird na everytime I close my eyes naaalala ko yung nangyari kasi we’re friends and friend’s don’t think like that. Sinubukan kong tanggalin sa isip ko” Jay’s attention is now adverted to him. “I’ve come to the point na naisip ko kung gusto ba kita or it’s just my subconsciousness telling me na dahil sa alak lang yon” his voice was clear, enunciating every word coming off of his mouth, and Sunghoon understands that completely.
They haven’t said anything after that, they let the steam cool off. Sunghoon’s already sitting on the floor from not handling what he heard and Jay kneeling in front of him.
“Kaninang umaga… I’ve realized that I like you”
Their eyes are staring at each other with a glimmer, red hue on the tip of their ears, and hearts beating against their chest. Like the dots being connected, cases being solved, and now feelings intertwining with each other.
Jay likes him.
It may be a long way for the other to understand but Sunghoon knows its worth, like the puzzle pieces being complete.
It’s a long way to go and they’re ready to wherever the ride will take them.
To Sunghoon and Jay, there’s more to discover.