Work Text:
James T. Kirk was who Pike had inexplicably chosen as his successor to the Enterprise .
A man that Spock, simply put, could not understand.
When the announcement had been made, it had been made evident that many of Spock's crewmates knew of him and gave varying opinions of their future captain but all had agreed he would be perfect.
Sam Kirk was, in fact, Kirk's elder brother. Spock had been able to glean that they were very close in their childhood but, as siblings do, grew apart. Sam was hoping that Kirk's year abroad on the Enterprise , interning under Pike, would allow them to regain their old relationship.
Spock did not want to pry into that, it felt a little too close to his own familial issues and he had no want to open those wounds again.
Leanard McCoy, a new doctor that their CMO was thinking of as their replacement, had claimed that Kirk was his best friend. He had informed anyone that would ask that Kirk was deceptively experienced at everything , a marvel considering how he had little to no free time during his time at the academy.
Uhura had agreed with McCoy, stating that she supposed that Kirk learned most of his obscure knowledge from his books and Spock had been left wondering what her parameters for obscure were.
Gary Mitchell was a man that Spock could not tolerate on any level and, so, did not accept any of the free information that he seemed to be flaunting about.
One crew member, an engineer by the name Ben Finney, had smiled tightly and said that Kirk was a stickler for regulations when they both worked together on the Farragut .
Others, those Spock had been unable to confirm their relations to Kirk, had said only that Kirk was pretty . That bit of information stood out in the way that it was to be expected but Spock hadn’t after what all the others had said.
Kirk’s personal file was exemplary, if a little locked away for those with higher clearance, and he did seem like a good candidate for Pike.
Spock was equipped with all these, rather useless, bits of information as he followed Pike to the transporter room to welcome his protege. He was only a little surprised at the amount of people that had also come with them. McCoy was standing by the controls with Montgomery Scott, Uhura was idly tapping away on a PADD, Sam Kirk was front and centre in the room, and there were many people waiting at the door to get a look at Pike’s successor.
“Any news?” Pike asked.
“He’s already down there.” Scott informed him. “Struck up a bit of conversation with the admiral down there, I hear. Think it might be about—” Scott looked down. “Nevermind, he’s on time.”
“Energise.” Pike nodded.
Scott momentarily fiddled with the control until the familiar light of the transporter filled the room, until James T. Kirk arrived on the scene. He was inches shorter than Spock, blond hair that tipped towards brown, golden eyes that felt almost mythic in nature, but all Spock could think was that he was so small.
“Kirk.”
“Pike.” Kirk smiled.
“I think I remember promising you some food, the last time we met.” Pike said, sly.
“I seem to remember me offering to cook for you , captain.” Kirk replied coolly.
Pike barked out a laugh, “It was worth a shot. Come, I’ll show you where we can do it.”
“We, captain?” Kirk smiled.
We, captain? That was Spock’s sense of humour. Fascinating.
“Yes, we, I don’t think your brother will ever let me live it down if I let you do all the hard work in the kitchen.” Pike shook his head fondly.
“You bet.” Sam sidled up to Kirk.
Interestingly, Kirk’s easy smile had changed . It had neither tightened to show discomfort nor brightened to show happiness. In fact, everything about the man, smile included, loosened before him. It was a charming smile but it didn’t quite compare to his initial smile.
“Hey, Sam.” Kirk said softly.
Sam wasted no time in wrapping his younger brother in an embrace. Kirk, strangely enough, floundered with his hands before taking a deep breath and returning the hug. Spock couldn’t figure it out but there was something awkward about it all.
“Sam, let go of your kid brother. We need to get going if we want to be on schedule. Everyone that I sanctioned can come with but everyone else? Get back to work.”
Sam reluctantly let go of Kirk and Spock spied how misty his eyes had become and how Kirk was not able to look at his brother thereafter.
Pike took up the lead, Kirk following close behind with McCoy by his side, the two talking animatedly to each other. Sam Kirk and Scott stood behind the two, listening in on their conversation with indulgent smiles, and Uhura came to walk with Spock, both in a comfortable silence.
“What do you mean the guy tried to give you a strawberry? You said no, right?” McCoy demanded.
“If I said that, I would be lying.” Kirk said breezily.
“Jim.” McCoy breathed out. “ Jim . You’re allergic to everything. It would have been polite to say no.”
“It really wasn’t about being polite but, yeah, I did feel bad. I was actually going to give the strawberries to you , seeing how much you begged for fresh Terran fruit on our last comm.”
McCoy flushed a deep red and Spock felt slightly smug about it. In the few times that McCoy had been able to get him down into medbay, the man was always able to get the last word in edgewise, it was nice to know that someone was able to talk him down.
They finally entered the kitchen space that Pike preferred and they all sat around the counter as Pike instructed Kirk where all the ingredients and tools would be. Spock sat between McCoy and Sam, only slightly annoyed that he was seated between two people who would no doubt talk .
“So, what are you making?” Pike said, seating himself down by Uhura.
“Something I’ve been a bit obsessed with over these last few months.” Kirk said. “Dhal tadka. I had it at a restaurant a while back and thought it was strange, at first, but now I quite like it.”
Kirk was on his knees, head bent down to forage away in a cabinet, and Spock had to struggle to drag his eyes away from the sight that was his behind.
“You know how to cook?” Uhura asked. “It seems like a rumour that no one cooks these days. Everyone I know seems to be able to.”
“Well,” Kirk said, getting back to his feet with a pressure cooker in his hands, “I only convinced the academy that learning how to cook shouldn’t only be on the survival courses.”
“And why’s that?” Uhura asked, intrigued.
“Well, for one, Starfleet is mainly western-centric.” Kirk scoffed. “And, yeah, I’m part of that seeing as how I’m white. Starfleet likes to say that there’s no racism but if you ask any other Federation planet what they think of humans, it’s most like things like a nuclear family and a Christmas tree. Everyone else’s cultures just seem to get lost in the mix.”
“And you,” Uhura laughed, “Used your supposed white boy privilege to ask the academy?”
“Oh, definitely, it didn’t hurt that I have such a pretty face.” Kirk grinned, placing the pressure cooker on the stove. “I really didn’t mean to step on any toes with it, though. It should have been someone other than me to bring up the issue or have the issue brought out and forwarded. But, like I said, Starfleet only says they don’t have racism anymore.”
Uhura covered her mouth to suppress a laugh, “Oh, god, Kirk, you’re going to do just great here with that kind of attitude. Just, let me in once in a while, okay? I want some of that privilege.”
“Your wish is mine.” Kirk said airily, finding a bag of lentils.
Spock briefly flicked his eyes towards Pike, only to see his captain smirking at him. The tips of his ears warmed— he had been staring, mesmerised, by Kirk and hadn’t even realised it —and went back to looking at Kirk.
He was so small yet was able to take, so to say, command of the room. Kirk did not have a demanding presence but a magnetism that begged for all to see and hear him. It was utterly fascinating .
“Who managed to get you out to a restaurant, huh?” McCoy snorted.
“Yes, Bones, it’s exactly what you’re thinking, I was kicked off the ship for shore leave.” Kirk said, pouring in the lentils. “Christine had me written up and everything. It was humiliating, to say the least.”
Christine Chapel .
It seemed that everyone that Spock knew seemed to know of this man. He found himself envious of that.
“God, I forgot about that. She was on the Farragut , too, wasn’t she?” McCoy breathed out.
During Remembrance Day, Chapel had worn a pin in honour of the Farragut . Oddly enough, Spock remembered her mentioning she was going to chat with one of her old crewmates. He wondered if it was Kirk.
From Kirk’s heavily blacked out personal file, he had been stationed at the phaser station. It was said, in the footnotes, that the man detasted firing a weapon but understood that fighting had to be done as a last resort.
“Yeah,” Kirk nodded and looked at Pike, “I suppose Chris isn’t here because you don’t want any nickname mix ups and she’s needed down in medical?”
“Right you are.” Pike nodded. “I’ve been trying to monopolise that nickname for a better part of my life and she’s gone and stolen it from right under my nose.”
“Maybe if you were blonder, who knows?” Kirk shot a cheeky smile over at his mentor.
“Is this how it’s going to be? A year of you running circles about everyone who comes your way?” McCoy demanded. “You diva .”
“Oh, you should have seen him when he was younger.” Sam burst out. “He got out of trouble quicker than you could believe and if he couldn’t? The punishment was always in his favour.”
“How were they supposed to know I wanted to be locked in my room?”
Spock had stopped paying attention to what Kirk had been doing with the pressure cooker, too busy staring at his mouth and the way he walked , but he focused back in to see Kirk placing the lid on the pot.
“No kid wants to be locked in their room.” Sam Kirk shot back. “But, you did, for your books .”
“I didn’t get to read all that summer because you all had me slaving away at the farm.” Kirk said, not quite a whine but…
“You’ve never faced the consequences of your actions before?” Spock finally spoke up.
The table suddenly went quiet.
The hiss of the cooker filled in the silence.
“Oh, I have,” Kirk nodded, “Plenty of times. Facing the consequences to my actions doesn’t have to mean that I had to be punished to see it. In this case, I was grounded because I was overworking myself on the farm. The consequences of my actions was me falling face first into the dirt and passing out, making a mess of myself. The punishment might have been me being restricted to my bed but I know the consequences. Sam had to pick up my slack. I felt bad for ages.”
Kirk finally sat down, opposite Spock, “So, you see, facing the consequences to my actions and being punished can be mutually exclusive.”
Suddenly, his face turned pink, “Oh, god, sorry. I have quite the mouth on me, I fear, didn’t mean to talk your ears off.”
“Quite the mouth?” Spock repeated, quirking a brow.
Kirk studied him for a moment before nodding with a grin, “Gets me in and out of a lot of problems.”
They locked eyes, only disengaging when McCoy let out a loud groan and banged his head against the counter, slouching.
“Doctor?” Spock asked.
“Oh, god.” Pike laughed.
“I can say that I saw this coming.” Sam Kirk nodded.
“This year is going to be fun .” Uhura suppressed a smile.
“God, someone get him off the ship.” McCoy brought his hands up in a prayer, eyes screwed shut. “I’m supposed to live with this for a year? It hasn’t even been an hour , yet.”
“Bones!” Kirk said, face red and scandalised. “I was only being nice.”
“Yeah, that’s what that’s called, being nice .” McCoy grouched. “Jim, you were practically asking Spock to sp—”
“Bones!” Kirk interrupted. “You’re being mean, again.”
“He’s quite right.” Spock agreed. “You must work on your bedside manner lest you scare away all your patients.”
Kirk burst out into a laugh, hand hitting the table, as McCoy looked ready to erupt.
“Now, you ,” McCoy growled, “I have bedside manner for patients who don’t leave in the middle of their treatment .”
“I only leave when the doctor is incapable of stitching me back together.” Spock replied back as coolly as he could.
“Oh, trust me, Bones is more than able.” Kirk said, still trying to calm down from his bout of laughter. “You won’t be able to imagine the number of times he’s had to patch me back together.”
“I imagine that’s because he’s failed so many times that he had to patch you together many times.” Spock said. “That is to say, if I had an imagination.”
“I have to say, Mr. Spock, I’m having trouble not making a line out of your last statement.” Kirk smiled.
“Then, I am afraid you will only have to be human and make it.” Spock said.
“If I didn’t know any better, I would say you’re feigning exasperation.” Kirk said slyly.
“Would it be feigning exasperation?”
“Apologies. Then, I suppose I would say you’re quite exasperated with me.”
“Exasperated wouldn’t be the word that I would use.” Spock said.
“What would it be, Mr. Spock?”
“Fascinated.”
“Spock, you barely let anyone else talk with him, you fiend.” Pike said, incredulous.
Scott had volunteered to take Kirk to his quarters, stating that he wanted to discuss Kirk’s work in computers. Spock had only been briefly able to hear that Kirk was amazing with programming and Scott had wanted to see if they could do a side project together.
“Incorrect.” Spock said. “Doctor McCoy was able to speak with him.”
“Yes, only during your conversations.” Pike said. “It’s not a problem. Really, Spock, it isn’t. I don’t think I’ve seen you talk this much in all the time that I’ve known you. It’s nice. You even enjoyed dinner.”
Spock had been quite intrigued by how Kirk had held a ladle above the flame, melting some ghee and frying cumin and chillies. Kirk had even offered to let Spock hold the ladle or watch over his shoulder, the second offer which he had quickly taken up.
“Does this mean you approve of Jim Kirk?” Pike said.
“I believe that my opinion does not matter as you are adamant about him being your successor—”
“—it’s his destiny —”
“—and I have not seen him working as of yet. However, I think that he has all the skills necessary to become a captain. Under your tutelage, he will surely flourish.”
“Spock, he will have you rivalled in his work ethic.” Pike said fondly. “As a human, that is. He can perfectly maintain a good social life and his professional life, he’s quite the firecracker on both sides, too. He’s a star .”
“Yes, I believe so.”
James T. Kirk was, indeed, a star.
“Now, Spock, chop chop, time to get back to work.” Pike said, striding away and leaving Spock to gather his bearings, alone, in the corridor.
James T. Kirk seemed to be everywhere .
Spock was only briefly reminded of his tale of overworking himself as a child but had quickly dismissed it when he had checked Kirk’s logs. Kirk had been going to his bedroom at 2300 and leaving at 0800. He seemed to be getting the correct amount of sleep, if not rest.
However, it was still amazing to see how Kirk was everywhere. Scott had him down in engineering, working on the engines together and planning out their pet project. McCoy and Chapel had him down in medical, teaching him basic first aid when he wasn’t the one injured. Uhura had dragged him off to her room to discuss linguistics.
Una, too, had taken quite a shine on the young man and, so it seemed, so did Spock.
It had started off with Kirk meeting him in the science labs during his first day at work, discussing the work Spock was doing and Kirk offering his own unique standpoint on it, and it had somehow resulted in nightly chess games in the rec rooms.
Spock had only gone to the rec room five times before this week.
Spock had only been a winner at chess before this week.
“Are you getting the required amount of sleep?” Spock finally asked on the seventh day of Kirk’s work, the eighth day of his arrival. “I have noticed you to be everywhere on this ship—”
“Noticed me, Mr. Spock.” Kirk grinned. “But, to answer your question. Yes. I have. I had to time it all to make sure I was getting the most out of this year. I may never get the chance again.”
“What makes you so sure?”
“Good things don’t usually happen to me.” Kirk said simply. “So, I’m making sure to pick up as many skills in all of the tracks, broadening my mind, and enjoying myself with you.”
Kirk’s cheeks dusted pink at his final words but he did not waver in setting up their chess board. Spock, too, had trouble managing the green tinge at the tips of his ears.
“If you wish to be a captain, why not focus on your lessons under Pike?” Spock inquired.
“There’s a specific type of captain that I want to be.” Kirk said. “It sounds rather egotistic but I’d like to be indispensable as a captain. No reason to ground me on a planet. I’d like to stay.”
He was quiet as he finished setting up the chess set, leaning back in his chair, but Spock sensed he was not quite yet done.
“Everyone, of course, wants to be indispensable, so they always try to come up with their own way of keeping themselves on the board.” Kirk’s eyes mischievously glanced at the chessboard and Spock inwardly rolled his eyes up at the ceiling. “I believe that to keep myself as a captain, to excel as a captain, shouldn’t only consist of my skills on the bridge but everywhere else, too. Not just for keeping interpersonal relationships with the crew for my sanity and morale but because I know that I would feel safe knowing that my captain knows what he’s doing, even if it’s just a little bit, in any situation.”
“It’s impossible to know everything.” Spock said slowly.
“That’s true.” Kirk nodded. “That’s why it’s worth trying to know everything, so that maybe, even the most strangest bit of information could help. I never thought my skills in programming would ever help me in beating the Kobayashi Maru but it did, not my skills as a captain.”
“You cheated.” Spock acknowledged. “I read it on your file. Though, I must agree with the academy, it was quite creative. I suppose, one could say, your creativity is one of your skills as a captain.”
Kirk, who had been staring at the board to think of his first move, looked up at Spock through his golden lashes and stared . His lips were pouted, the slightest hint of teeth visible, and his pupils dilated. Spock wondered what about what he said caused this reaction and how he might go about doing it again.
“Mr. Spock, I don’t think anyone has ever summed me up as well as you have.” Kirk admitted. “Sam even says that the whole test was for my ego more than anything else.”
“It must have played a factor but I’m sure you had your reasons for taking it three times.” Spock said.
“I just wanted to prove that there’s always a way.” Kirk said. “I don’t believe in no-win situations.”
Spock wanted to believe that there were endless possibilities, that somewhere out there was a solution that was best rather than what was needed. He could never quite believe but he thought that Jim might help him on that front.
“Hope.”
“Yes, hope.”
It wasn’t until Kirk’s second week aboard that Spock noticed something worrisome.
Kirk had started inviting Spock to share lunches in the mess since that very first day but Spock had only started agreeing in the last week. They would sit close, closer than anyone Spock had ever allowed, and Kirk had slowly amassed a circle of close friends to sit with them.
McCoy was an ever present figure, always sitting on Kirk’s other side, always ready with a grouchy comment. He would always check Kirk for any injuries— Kirk had gotten injured on his second day aboard in engineering when the ship had shook violently —and mother him. As Spock had become quite attached to Kirk, the courtesy was extended to him.
Uhura and Chapel always sat with them when their lunches synced together. Chapel had gotten to know Kirk quite well while on the Farragut due to his penchant for trouble and Uhura had become fast friends with the young man, the three of them talking and bickering like old friends about the latest show they had been watching.
Scott was a rare figure to be seen at their table. He was mainly to be found in engineering but had come out to the surface, so to say, in honour of Kirk. It was finally revealed to Spock that they were working on creating holograms for work purposes. An official project was already in the works at Starfleet but they thought they could give it a try in their free time.
Sam Kirk, however often he was found sitting opposite Kirk, was always striving for conversation with his younger brother. The problem was that no matter how enthusiastic Sam Kirk was, his younger brother was never really interested in talking with him. In fact, it looked like Kirk went out of his way to avoid talking with him all together.
“Hey, Jim, remember when—”
“Bones, stop stealing my carrots.” Jim swatted McCoy’s hand. “You know how I feel about people stealing my food. Let me eat in peace .”
Jim shifted in his seat and the hot press of his thigh came against Spock’s. There was a thought about how those thighs would feel, feel around his waist, between his teeth, but he quickly brought a stop to that train of thought. It was difficult when Jim leaned towards him, his entire side sliding against Spock’s.
Spock could notice Chapel giggling at him.
“Jim. It’s a carrot. How much are you going to miss it?” McCoy asked, already inching towards the carrot. “Besides, you hate vegetables.”
“I’m gonna miss it like a widow.” Kirk said, affronted.
“When was the wedding and why was I not invented?” Chapel demanded.
“Last summer, it was on the beach. I was dunked in the ocean at the very end.” Kirk said solemnly.
Spock glanced at Sam Kirk and pitied the way his face had fallen.
“Welcome to my living quarters.” Kirk said as the doors swished open.
For a man with so much personality, a man who was so complex, there was absolutely nothing in the room. Spock had his own bits of decoration in his room, an abundance of Vulcan clutter and a few hidden human paraphernalia. Kirk only had two chests at the foot of his bed and only the standard furniture given to him.
“I had thought you would have your books in your room.” Spock said.
Jim was fond, if not borderline obsessed, with antiques . Novels were his pride and joy, physical hardbacks, preferably from the 20th century, but he owned paintings from that era of Earth’s history as well as a music player which, interestingly, played music from the 21st century. Jim’s own clothes mirrored that of the 20th and 21st century. Spock secretly thought it cute and was sure that Jim knew that he thought that.
Kirk ducked his head, a smile barely concealed, “Yeah, well, it didn’t seem necessary, you know? I’m only here for a year, there’s no need to bring it all up here.”
Logical but something about it felt wrong.
“It’s okay. Sam’s been on my case about decorating, too.” Kirk carried on. “It’s just, don’t judge me, but I’ve really never had a place to decorate before.”
“Oh?”
“The farmhouse was decorated by grandma and grandpa. I had a roommate back in the academy and didn’t want my things to bother him so I didn’t bother. I don’t even go to my own apartment when I’m down on Earth, I’m always with Bones. The only place I ever decorated was a nightmare and I don’t really care to repeat the experience.”
“Then, you won’t mind if I decorate your room.” Spock said.
“Why, Mr. Spock, that’s quite forward of you.”
“I find that people need to be forward to get what they want.”
“And what is it that you want, Spock?”
“For you to feel safe here on the Enterprise .”
Spock made his way over to one of the chests and knelt on the floor, looking to his side to notice Kirk already kneeling next to him. Kirk dipped his head in acceptance and Spock opened the chest directly in front of him, picking up one of the first things to catch his eye: medals neatly tucked away in a frame.
“Bones forced me to take them so when I feel like dying, I could boost my ego.” Kirk laughed.
Spock nodded and slowly got to his feet. There were magnets on the back of the frame so it would be easy to stick it on the wall and he chose a spot above Kirk’s work desk. He turned around to find Kirk smiling softly at him.
“Thank you, Spock.” He said quietly. “I feel quite safe here.”
“How do I get him to talk to me?” Sam Kirk asked.
“Pardon?” Spock tilted his head to indicate he was listening. He was mainly paying attention to the microscope as he was in his labs but Sam Kirk was chatty and it was best to humour him rather than let him sit with his own thoughts. “Who?”
“Jim. He talks to you and about you all day but he won’t give me the time of day. How do you do it?” Sam Kirk asked. “I just want to reach out and he isn’t reaching back.”
Spock found it to be the opposite for himself. Kirk might speak with him all day, and perhaps about him, but he always felt so far away. He didn’t know how to explain it. The man was ready to bear his heart out to anyone but there was so much he kept close to his chest and Spock couldn’t even fathom how many secrets he had.
He was untouchable, in every sense of the word, unreachable.
There is a whole galaxy out there, full of people who will reach for you. You have to let them. Find that person who seems farthest from you and reach for them. Reach for them. Let them guide you.
The words had never rung true with him but now they did. He found himself wanting to talk, to open up to Kirk, he wanted Kirk, he wanted all that he had and all that he had to offer. He wanted to reach out and help him and be helped in turn.
Perhaps, he could start by helping his brother.
“Have you wronged him in any way?” Spock asked. “He would not avoid you if you had not.”
“That’s the problem. I know I must have but I can’t seem to figure out what .”
“When did your issues begin?”
“I didn’t notice them until he was fifteen and he stopped sending me correspondence.”
Interesting.
“That is when you noticed. When did the issues begin ?” Spock repeated.
“He was always rather cold in our calls, as cold as Jim could ever be, but I thought that was because of…so he had a reason why he was being a bit distant. I can’t imagine how he could find a problem with me in the middle of all that.”
Even more interesting but Spock, ever one to pry, understood boundaries.
“Then, I think, you must ask him.”
“That’s the problem , Spock, he doesn’t want to speak with me.”
That would be an issue, wouldn’t it?
“I can have you both sit down together and talk it out.” Spock said.
“Thank you, Spock.”
In reality, Spock had no idea how to put Kirk in the same room privately with his brother so he had to, reluctantly, go to McCoy for advice.
However, the doctor went above and beyond and locked them in a storage cupboard in the medbay, sitting on the other side of the door and fiddling away with a PADD. Spock sighed and sat with him, trying and failing to not hear the conversation on the other side.
“What are you two up to?” Chapel asked, looking down pointedly at them both. “Slacking off, Spock?”
“We’re trying to get Jim to talk to his brother. Sam keeps yapping and yapping and quite rankly? It’s getting annoying.”
That about summed it all up.
“Ooh! Goodie. I’m in.” Chapel sat on McCoy’s other side and settled herself down with her own PADD.
The brothers’ two voices were muffled through the door but Spock was able to hear what they were saying clearly. Especially since he had not brought his own PADD with him. They deserved privacy but Spock had to ensure no one took them out before they truly spoke.
“Sam!” Kirk hissed. “I’m not talking to you about this! If you really can’t figure out why I’m mad, I really can’t do anything about it.”
Illogical. Petty.
“Then listen!” Sam Kirk retorted. “I get that we haven’t been close in years—”
“—try decades—”
“—but I’ve been trying , Jim. I want us to be brothers again. Please.”
“You want to be brothers?” Kirk echoed, a bit hollow. It was a strange voice for him to have . “After you abandoned me ?”
“When did I ever abandon you?” Sam Kirk demanded.
“When I was thirteen! I came back, all wrong, and you were supposed to come back for me but you never did! I checked, too! They asked you to come back but you wanted to stay in school rather than be with me .”
There was a strangled sound on the other side of the door, a sound produced by Sam Kirk, and this conversation was really worrying. Kirk let out a scoff and there was a thump against the door. Spock supposed that Kirk was sitting against the door, perhaps directly behind Spock.
“Doctor, they have been silent for the last ten minutes.” Spock said quietly. “Kirk had said something that had shocked his brother and they haven’t spoken since.”
“Damn them.” McCoy growled.
Sam Kirk had made no move to speak with his brother again after that. It was, unfortunate to say, a failure. Kirk didn’t seem any worse for wear after the ordeal but Spock had already known how he was such a graceful actor. He did not even have any tells, save for the distress that Spock could feel from him whenever they brushed skin—a rare but beautiful thing to happen.
But, the universe waited on no one. Time moved on and today, three months into Kirk’s shadowing of Pike, he was permitted to stand aside Pike on the bridge. They were only halfway into alpha shift, Pike’s mind already wondering and fiddling away with a PADD, but Kirk’s eyes were still on the stars.
“Kirk. Look at this.” Pike gestured for him to look at his PADD. “See what this guy did wrong?”
“He followed regulation to the T and still failed.” Kirk nodded. “Made no room for the situation at hand.”
“How so?”
“This guy was put into emergency command as he was the highest ranking officer. He followed the rules but didn’t put his crewmates’ state of mind in as a factor. So, they mutinied. To have a successful command, you need to open your eyes further than the task given to you.”
Spock wondered how Kirk would look sitting in that chair. Relaxed. One leg crossed over the other, perhaps. A PADD in hand, a cup of coffee nearby, an easy smile ready to flash at anyone to ease them. Shoulders set with power and kindness. Command stripes on the sleeves of his golden uniform.
The image was better than anything Spock had seen before.
“Not only to have a successful command. To have a stellar one.” Pike corrected. “People who are new always panic and try to solve the problem first, never thinking about anything else around them and how that may cause further issues.”
“I think you’re trying to send me a message, captain.” Kirk said airily.
“Is it getting through?” Pike asked.
“Loud and clear.” Kirk sighed.
Kirk never got the chance to peacefully resolve his issues with his brother.
He has revealed to Spock that he had thought long and hard about it and he would give Sam Kirk a chance, only one, in three days over dinner. He had revealed that he had, indeed, missed his brother and wanted it all to work out. Spock had wished him luck, as illogical as it was.
However, the day before, Kirk had beamed down with an away team on Almarin. It was a diplomatic mission led by Pike to have them join the Federation, something Kirk had expressed interest in viewing. The team consisted of the two, Spock, Uhura, Una, and Chapel.
Spock had thought it strange that Una was beaming down with their captain but had not voiced it but McCoy had exclaimed his incredulance over lunch— why would they send the highest members of their command team down? —but had quickly changed his mind— wait, why aren’t I on the team, I need to look after Jim and Spock!
So far, the Almarins were proving difficult to negotiate for. They were too volatile. They asked for too much. They asked for too little. Pike was being spread thin to cover all their bases. There was even a remark about how insulting it was that not all of the command team was brought down.
Spock had to count to ten many times in his head, lest he lose his own temper.
He had not thought that this mission would be so trying. The file had said so but he had severely underestimated it. Spock had further let his guard down when they had initially beamed down and was met with the King who had treated them with curt respect. They had been given a pleasant enough tour before the negotiations began and that was when their troubles began.
“Kirk, what’s going on in that head of yours?” Una asked.
Spock looked over at the man. He was sitting with Spock and Chapel, the three of them not needed in the negotiations, within hearing distance of the Captain and his Number One but not at the table. They had been given chairs to sit against the walls and were permitted to talk amongst each other but he hadn’t noticed the silence until Una had walked over to talk to him.
Kirk had an assessing look in his gaze, sharp but still with that gentleness that Spock had come to know that he possessed. He took out a PADD from his pack and gestured for Una to look at his screen. Spock did not hesitate to look and neither did Chapel.
There were screenshots of newsreels. Kirk slowly scrolled through them, images of wilting crops and words relating to hunger flashed at Spock. Spock had never known Kirk to shake, even in the midst of fear, but his fingers were shaking as he handled the PADD. His teeth were worrying away at his lower lip and Spock feared he would tear at it.
“I’ve read the case file before heading down but did some extra reading.” Kirk admitted. “But, I find it intriguing that they keep circling back to one thing during these negotiations.”
“Trade.” Una nodded.
“Food trade.” Kirk corrected.
Spock thought for a second and, yes, they did seem enamoured with the idea of food. It had not occurred to him that there might be a reason further than getting assurances for the amount of times they repeated their demand for food. He felt foolish for not making the connection but he accepted it for what it was. It must have been due to his growing annoyance with the royal family or perhaps not. At least, someone had taken note of it.
“It’s not very well known but I had taken time to look into their news reels and ask the scientists here for what’s up.” Kirk said and Spock had not even noticed he had left for any amount of time. “It turns out that the Almarins are going through a drought. A drought that has lasted four years. They have been able to make do with replicators and some iffy trading with nearby planets for the resources. Their distribution technique mirrors that of early Earth. They give up a portion of their earnings in exchange for rations.”
“Sounds like they’re being stretched thin.” Chapel murmured. “And they won’t ask for food, either, would they? And offering it would be an insult in their culture.”
“Yes.” Una nodded. “But, there is a loophole which isn’t very ethical according to Starfleet.”
“That’s why I’ve made my own loophole.” Kirk said, flipping the PADD off.
“Excuse me?” Una asked.
“You can put me on report after this, I just need this to work.” Kirk said, handing his belongings over Spock. “I’ll trust that you will keep these safe?”
“Your trust is well deserved.” Spock nodded, wondering what his friend would now do.
Kirk always had creative, if efficient, ways of coming to a solution. There were instances where the crew often thought his plans insane but made a good tale to send home to their families. Spock only kept a restricted correspondence with his mother and she was of the opinion that Jim is a keeper and that Spock shouldn’t chase him off .
“Kirk, what do you me—”
Kirk strode towards the table and tapped the King of Almarin on the shoulder.
Oh.
Oh .
The King slowly turned around, a flash of annoyance in his eyes, as Kirk swung a fist into his face. Spock ran as quick as he could to come at Kirk’s side, just as the palace guards came to attention, weapons raised. The King slowly raised a hand to touch the sensitive area that Kirk had punched when Kirk finally opened his mouth.
“Oh, you bastards.” Kirk said, voice raised and slightly distorted. “You think you’re so fucking high and mighty but listen here, we don’t need to be here . We’re here to help you. We can just leave if you’re going to be so fucking difficult. Yeah. Difficicult. That’s what you are, a toddler that’s being difficult and can’t just accept what they need.”
Spock needed him to stop. He looked down at his own hand and clamped it over Kirk’s mouth. The brush of his lips over his skin was marvellous, an epiphany, but there was no time to think about that, focus on that, because Kirk had quite honestly gotten himself in trouble with those lips of his.
Kirk’s eyes flashed over to him but not in annoyance, not in that righteous anger from before, but in mischief.
What?
“Your actions disrespect us.” The King said, seething. “We demand punishment. Something in return.”
Oh.
“I will be honoured and willing to pay however you want me.” Kirk said, manoeuvring Spock’s numb hand from his mouth, not before placing a soft kiss on the flesh of it. “However. You. Want. Me.”
“You are charged with three crimes: touching my person without my consent, assaulting my person, and your verbal abuse. You will be given three punishments. Ten lashes. A public stoning. And,” The king paused, blinked, “the use of your ship in helping us cure this drought and the implements of replicators as well as food trade on our terms.”
“Captain?” Kirk asked pointedly.
Pike was looking at Kirk, dismayed and in shock. His face had turned ashen, the skin at his bottom lip coming off.
“Is there no other way?” Pike asked.
“No.” The King shook his head.
“We have a perfectly sound nurse down here and a transporter to beam me to medical. I will be fine. Captain?”
Pike nodded his head, shaking.
The memories of the whipping was not something Spock ever wanted to dwell on but his psyche kept bringing it back up to the surface. The echoes of it, the sight, the sounds, the smells, all the echoes kept swinging back to him and Spock didn’t know how to continue on with them.
Spock had stayed through the whipping, not once looking away— one, a sharp gasp, two, a pained groan, three, a full body flinch, four, a single tear, another tear, another tear, five, a thick sob a sharp gasp, another tear, six, Kirk swaying onto the ground and not getting back up, the whip continuing, seven, a still body, eight, a still body, nine, a still body, ten, a still body, a still body, a still body, a still body .
Spock had rushed straight to Kirk’s side alongside everyone else, barely letting Chapel have any moving room to give Kirk a once over. He was deemed safe and would be fine for the stoning later tonight. For now, he was given a small cot in their dungeons and Chapel was allowed to tend to him.
Only Chapel.
A still body .
“What was he thinking?” Uhura demanded. “No, I know what he was thinking but—”
She let out a frustrated sound.
“I concur.” Spock said, voice wobbly. “I had not known he would go so far to help them with their…famine.” He looked over at Una. “What was the other loophole?”
“Blackmail.” A shrug. “But, they would have never joined the Federation with that and if they had, they would have quickly left.”
“He made up a whole solution to give them what they needed and get them to join.” Uhura shook his head, bitter and fond.
“At the detriment to his own health.” Spock said quietly.
Pike was quiet, sitting at the desk provided for him in the quarters that was assigned to him. They had all convened here shortly after Chapel left with Kirk’s body, and it was all frustrated yells and shock. Pike had not spoken once.
“I should have known this would happen.” Pike shook his head. “I got clearance to read his whole personal file. His whole medical file. Their little food problem might not have been on the case file but I also tuned into their news. I should have known he would do something like this but I was so focused—”
“No.” Uhura said, fierce. She blinked, shocked at her own vehemence. “It’s Kirk’s fault. All his. It was good of him but the blame, the responsibility, is all on him. He could have figured out another way or he could have done something less offensive to lessen the charges. None of it was on you. And, it would be an insult to his self sacrifice if you took all responsibility for it.”
“But—”
“No.” Uhura was adamant. “I don’t care what’s on his files. He’s his own person. He can take the consequences of his actions. The punishments. All of it. He’s his own good person and you are yours, sir. We can all give him hell for it later when he’s okay but now? We should take it as a good sign that one of us was able to get the negotiations to progress, even if it had to come down to this. Jim would want that.”
A still body .
“You’re right.” Pike deflated. “I will be having words with that kid when all is done.”
“I’ve never met anyone so ready to sacrifice all that they had in the name of goodwill.” Spock said, voice distant.
“He’s a right gem.” Pike agreed. “A fool, idiot, moron, stupid, thinks too broadly, sees options that aren’t available to anyone else, stupid , but brave.”
“Insult him or compliment him, pick one.” Una knocked their shoulders together.
A still body.
A still body .
Kirk was barely moving when it came to his stoning. His back was all bandaged up and he was barely moving but he was no longer a still body . Well, he was able to move before he was chained to a wall, displayed and ready to be abused.
Kirk winced and groaned, eyes screwed shut whenever a stone flew too close to his face, but whenever he was able, he sought out Spock in the crowd. There had been a moment when Kirk gave him a reassuring smile and Spock wanted to throttle him—Spock didn’t need them, Kirk did.
A rock came dangerously across his face, almost at his eye, but it slashed across his eyebrow and slit open a rough cut. There were many rough cuts over his available skin. The material of the bandage was slowly coming undone from the tears and Kirk’s heavy breathing, blood seeping through from behind.
Spock could never understand how time could change in relation to a situation but he understood now. That half an hour slot seemed to last an eternity or two. Pike had to hide his face in Una’s hair fifteen minutes in, Spock was unable to look away.
They all wasted no time in hurrying over to their friend and beaming him to the medbay when he was finally released. They barely had any time to inform the King that Pike will be coming down in 2000 to carry on the negotiations.
Spock wondered if the King knew he had fallen victim to Kirk’s mind games.
“With how much you’ve stayed here, someone might think you’re married.” McCoy said.
Spock looked up from his seat in his chair, only briefly, before looking back at Kirk’s laying body in the biobed. Even when resting, he did not look eased. The furrow of his brows were deep and his lips were turned down into an everlasting frown.
Married. A still body. Friend. Coworker. Crewmate. Married. Friend. Kirk. James. Kirk. Jim. Married. Jim. Jim. Jim. Jim.
T'hy'la.
"I suppose that is an apt word to describe our relationship." Spock agreed.
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" McCoy demanded.
"I will inform you when I hear what Jim says on the matter."
"Oh, so it's Jim now, eh?"
"Yes. We are married. Why would I not use his name?"
"You are so annoying, fuck's sake."
“I was supposed to come back for him." Sam Kirk said and Spock wondered when had that happened? When did people start to come talk with him? "He was so traumatised and all I could think of was my grades. I thought mom and dad could take care of him but… he needed me."
"I had a brother." Spock said in the silence. "He was not everything I had wanted to become but I had wished to walk a similar path to him. When he left because he was kicked out, I had resented him for so long. I needed him, not only because of the troubles I went through in my childhood but because he was my older brother and with him, all had felt safe."
He had not thought about Sybok in years. The last time had been when Spock had left for Starfleet, wondering what his older brother would have thought about him leaving Vulcan for Earth. The thought was small and simple and raw and brought a world of hurt to a young man hurt from leaving his family that he had discarded it as quickly as he could.
Now, he wondered where his brother was and if Sybok thought about him, still, to this day.
Sam Kirk stared at him. He never really looked like Jim but Spock could now see the resemblance. Not in the slope of their nose or the angles of their cheekbones. But that vulnerability that they both shared.
"And I deprived him of that safety when I said no to coming back." Sam sighed.
"But, you are here now."
"Yes." Sam said, eyes alight. "I am here now."
"Gentlemen, this conversation sounds riveting. What did I miss?"
The familiar cadence of Jim's voice sparked whole fires in Spock's veins. It had been long since he had last heard of his friend’s voice and even now, with how tired and thin it was, it was wonderful to hear.
“Jim!” Sam baulked. “You’re awake.”
“Astute as always, Sammy.” Jim nodded sagely. “Help me up?”
Sam moved quickly to help his younger brother up. Spock wanted to stay. To talk. To be in the same room as Jim who was moving and talking and joking. But, he knew that while the brothers would welcome him right now, they were long overdue for a conversation that required privacy.
“I’ll go get McCoy.” Spock made to move. “I will be back shortly.”
Kirk watched him leave, golden eyes never leaving Spock’s person until it was well out the door. It was strange to have someone’s attention wholly but not unwelcome.
McCoy was not difficult to locate, he was already on his way and met Spock halfway. Spock turned around so that they could walk together back to their friend.
“I saw the results from my PADD. Is he already talking? He always shrugs off injuries like they’re nothing.”
“It would be rather impossible to shrug off an injury.”
“You get what I mean.”
“Do I?”
Spock had been able to see Jim in all his free time while his friend was confined to bed rest. Many people had come down to see Jim in medbay. Pike came by to dote on him. Una came to lecture and loe on him. Uhura sat with him to work on word crosses from different planets. Sam was able to find some common ground in talking about plants. Scott had come down to stimulate Jim’s brain via their project and rib him about his well-being. Chapel and McCoy affectionately insulted him, coming to check on him in and out of work hours.
Many other people came to see Jim but what surprised Spock was how many people came down to speak with him .
He had not noticed it but he had friends aboard this ship. This was not even a recent development. Spock knew when Pike would want to talk about horses , he knew when Una wanted to make fun of Pike together, he knew that Uhura would want to talk about music, he knew Chapel would make nervous conversation with him, he knew Scott would debate with him about science and engineering, he had come to look forward to his verbal sparring matches with McCoy.
This steady progression in all of his relationships had happened under his nose, without his consent, and he couldn’t bring himself to not like it. He liked it. He loved it. The Enterprise was no longer just a ship he had to go back to after discoveries on a planet, a mild disappointment that stopped his curiosity, but a home that housed all his loved ones.
“I don’t get how you’re so surprised.” Jim shook his head. “You’re a large mass in a gravitational field and people are helpless but to circle you.”
Spock raised his eyebrows, “I had first thought that exact thing of you when we had met four months ago.”
“Really?” Jim smiled.
“Indeed.” Spock nodded. “I still do.”
“In what way do you circle me, Spock?” Jim inquired. “I have been struggling to come up with a word to describe us. Friend. Brother. Crush. They all seem to pale in comparison to soulmate but that’s not quite it, is it?”
It was not a big moment to discover that Jim reciprocated his feelings. He had known on some level that they were always in tandem together, in thoughts and acts and in feelings. Though, it did not stop the warmth flooding his chest or the soft look in his eyes. He did not stop them. Jim seemed to brighten under Spock's loving gaze. That was all Spock wanted for him. To not only be happy, but to be so bright.
“Yes, they do, don’t they?” Spock said. “I find the word t’hy’la fits us perfectly. Friend. Brother. Lover. All three are in accordance with what I feel for you.”
“And, I, you.” Jim grinned.
Spock had risen from his chair to deposit himself next to Jim on the bed. Jim shuffled forward, arms wrapping around Spock’s neck and bringing their faces close together. Spock brought his hands down on either side of Jim’s hips on the mattress to steady himself, it would not do for them to tumble down into the sheets as of right now.
“There are many things that I haven’t told you yet.” Jim whispered. “You’ll have to be patient with me. And, I’m not easy to deal with. I’m always too much or not enough. Will you still have me?”
The words were soft, quiet, vulnerable, a mirror to Spock’s own anxieties. Jim understood him like no other. Spock had wanted to reach for him only to find that Jim already had a hand outstretched towards him. All Spock had to do was take it. Let Jim guide him.
Jim was worrying at his own bottom lip once again and Spock tipped himself forward, soothing the bite with his own lips. Jim let out a soft sound, his fingers trailing up from Spock’s neck to fist the hair at the back of his head and the blue of his uniform. Spock placed on hand on Jim’s shoulder to drag him closer, closer, closer—
“I will have you in any shape or form. Whether it be friendship or something more. All I ask is that you let me stay by your side.”
Jim didn’t deign that with words but with his lips.