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It is happening again.
The anger and the frustration which always, always lead to heavy touches and rough kisses. Two bodies sharing their warmth. Yet the warmth is gone within a moment. It doesn’t stay forever.
Only one heart aches for the other. It has always been that way. From the very beginning, since the first day he met him, it has always been like this.
He was naive and young. That is why. And now, he suffers. He suffers the hurt and the consequences of his stupid actions.
It was happening again.
Kinn was mad. He was angry. Vegas, his cousin, had yet again made a fool out of him in front of their family. Korn was quiet like he usually did. But his eyes bore the words that he couldn’t and shouldn’t say in the presence of the Minor family. Kinn is, after all, the future heir of the Main family.
Kinn was mad. He was angry. And Pete was there. Foolish Pete is always there.
Pete was there, standing by the corner of the room. Pete is observant. He knows when Kinn would be in a bad mood. He knows what would happen next if Kinn was like this.
So, when they all had left, Kinn made him stay and stupid Pete willingly did.
Kinn didn’t even have to say anything, Pete was already undressing and knelt in front of him. Things lead one way to another with Kinn bending him over the meeting table and fucking him like he was just another warm body for Kinn to use.
He was just one of the men Kinn would bury his cock into. Except, Pete is always there.
Hence, over time, Pete had allowed him as if he had no choice. He was just a mere bodyguard, after all. Who was he to refuse Kinn? Who was he to say no to the warmth and touch Kinn was giving him? Who was he to act like shit every time Kinn treated him like trash when he was crying and begging for Kinn for more?
He should be glad. He should be thankful Kinn even spared to look at him and touch him. Where would he get this kind of privilege?
Kinn, oh, Kinn . He is the only one who can give this to him. The world deprived him of love and happiness so he takes and takes whatever Kinn gives him. Even if it meant experiencing the greatest torture the universe has given him.
Pete could take the beatings. He could take the physical pain. He could take the bruises on his body.
It was a sick sort of irony that no one could understand, the way Kinn had turned his life upside down.
And now, Pete has lost count of how many times Kinn had caused his heart to bleed.
It happened again.
Huh, pathetic.
Pete stares.
Blink. Blink. Blink.
He continues staring at the back of Kinn’s head. He takes a deep breath and releases a shaky sigh.
He can only laugh at the pathetic situation he is in right now - body slumped on the floor, aching and in pain. But, it was always like this, wasn’t it? So why does he feel pitiful right now?
Kinn turns around after he shoves back his phone inside his pocket. Pete shudders at the pathetic look Kinn is giving him. He never felt so small in his entire life.
Pete forces himself to stand up. His legs are still shaking from their latest coupling. And this is the part that Pete doesn’t understand, the part that makes him yearn more for Kinn. He stares. He watches as Kinn helps him button up his clothes.
Maybe this is why, if you would ask Pete, even if Kinn doesn’t feel the same way as he does, he would still come back to Kinn. He would still be loyal to him.
Pathetic.
Stupid.
Pitiful.
Maybe it is also because of the way quietness that surrounded them; the stillness that only their breathing could be heard.
He watches again. Not a single smile on his tired face is present. The tears on his face are now dried and gone. He just… looks at Kinn while the man is busy buttoning up his sleeve shirt.
He wants to know what Kinn is thinking and how he is feeling. He wants to ask but he doesn’t. He doesn’t want to break this private and intimate (at least for him) moment he has with Kinn. This is his time - only for him.
At the same time, he can’t risk the idea of Kinn knowing his true feelings for him.
Pete? A mere bodyguard with no money and no college degree in a relationship with Theerapanyakul’s heir?
Impossible.
Pathetic.
But people do crazy things when they’re in love, don’t they?
He had always longed for his
genuine
touch and love, but the world is cruel enough to deprive him of that.
But it’s all right.
It will be all right.
He is contented.
He will be contented.
He is happy
, he will be happy with this no matter how excruciatingly painful it is.
This is his realization.
His acceptance.
Will there be an end to this?
Not even himself can answer this.
Who knows? Maybe one day he will find someone who will have him.
Maybe one day he will be cured of this sickening disease that kills him inside.
Maybe one day he will be able to break free from the curse in his heart that is Kinn .
And maybe one day, this won’t happen again.