Work Text:
When I am rehearsing or performing my focus is completely on what I am doing. Where my hands and feet are, how I am oriented in space. You learn early on to block out the noise of the crowd. It can be a dangerous distraction. All it takes is one misstep; timing just the slightest bit off and its all over.
We work with a safety net of course but that does not mean you can be careless. If you land wrong the risk of being injured or killed is still there. That’s the first thing you learn when you do this job. Everything else is secondary. If you can’t prove you can fall safely you’ll never make it. Not up here, the risk is too great. If you want to walk the high wire or swing from a trapeze you have to know how to protect yourself. Its not a matter of if, it happens to everyone, especially when you are first starting out. As you get comfortable and more skilled it happens less and less but it does still happen. Even the best make mistakes some times.
I’m standing on the high wire platform waiting for Quatre to arrive, waiting and thinking. He called a few minutes ago and said he was on his way. He’ll be here soon. Quatre is always punctual. He says that punctuality shows courtesy to the person you are meeting. That is one of the things I love about him, he thinks about other people. Not just in an off hand way but in everything he does. Its what makes him so good at what he does; business man, strategist, humanitarian, friend. Will he be the same way as a lover? Lover, the thought of the word gives me chills. I whisper it aloud to hear the way it sounds, how the word feels on my tongue. I love him and he loves me of that I have no doubts. But still, I’m scared of the words. Of the touch of hands or lips that will break that final barrier and lay me bare. Will I be able to walk the wire and make a life with him?
I see him now; he’s standing by the entrance to the tent smiling up at me. Any doubts I have seem to just fade away. My focus narrows and there is only him. I take a deep breath and step out onto the high wire, holding him squarely in my sights. I know where I want to be and if I stumble along the way its ok, I know how to fall.