Work Text:
Do you think someone could ever come to love me?
It was a question she had often asked herself.
In some ways, she asked herself that question more often before.
Before she came to Strixhaven. Before she left home. Always wondering if anyone else could quite come to care for her honestly. Wondering if they’d ever like her and she could trust it to be real and not just an illusion.
Trust them not to keep her close only to tear her down.
She had them now.
Companions that loved her in that warm, simple way - plentiful and sweet like wildflowers in spring. Wonder adored them all, cherished each new friend, each new effortless friendship that blossomed from a mere conversation or shared interest.
It was easier here, to love and be loved in turn, the free affection bringing joy to every step she took.
Do you think I could have a love like that?
A question that kept coming up with every turn of the page, her cheeks burning, her legs kicking back at the next words, toes curling at the slightest hint of an admission between the pair of yet to be lovers.
She could almost imagine it.
A hand in hers.
Never the same.
Sometimes slightly bigger, sometimes smaller, sometimes the same size as hers. Smooth and soft or calloused, scarred and rough. A rainbow of colours and shapes sometimes freezing, sometimes burning but always tangled in hers, holding her hand as if she was the loveliest thing in the universe.
Sometimes, she could imagine a person behind her. In her corner or beside her. Someone that loved her in a way that didn’t need to always be simple. Maybe not easy but always good. A shadow of a person who maybe she could wake up to in the middle of the night, or as the sun began to rise, feel their breath next to hers reassuring her it’s not just a dream.
Someone who thought that she was more than enough.
Wonder flicked through to the next page, eyes soft at the lines in black and white, ink staining the page with words of a foreign emotion that she couldn’t help but wish to experience - even once.
Would it be sweet, like candy floss at a carnival? A dream of spun sugar that melts on her tongue? Or would it be more bitter, like a cloudy lemonade that fizzed and refreshed her from the first sip?
Would it be like a fire-juggling act? A dance that ignited and inspired from the very beginning, lit up her world with colours as the moon rose high in the sky?
Or would love be an acrobat on a tightrope, dizzy and exhilarating, trusting that even if one of them fell, they’d get back up, ready to try and test their limits again?
Her fingers pause on the page, a swish of her tail and a muffled squeal at the words in black and white, ink staining the page with sweet words of adoration pulling her out of her daydreams.
Do you think I could ever let them know?
It started with a flutter in her chest. A simple, fleeting thing that came and went easily, a hint of warmth on her skin as soon as she caught their gaze.
They were her friends.
They are her friends, even if they seemed incapable of reconciling for now. A pair that she had grown fond of extremely quickly in a way that was different from her adoration of Nala or Shrike or Heather. It wasn’t difficult to figure out, simply hard to admit. Wonder had the inklings of a crush for her two closest friends.
There was nothing particularly wrong with that, of course. A crush was a simple thing, just as easy to fall out of as it was to fall into and there was no reason for her to tell anyone when it was just a pale shade of rose in her vision.
If it came to it, she could always tell them - trust them enough for her heart not to be toyed with and for her to be gently let down. For now, she would enjoy the feeling of a one-sided crush, not love, not quite yet and she would be careful to not let it grow any further.
Wonder could allow herself a simple dream of what could be, if, in some far-off universe it was returned and let it go tomorrow.
It was a simple, fledgling crush, sure to go away sooner or later.
Do you think he could have been thinking of me?
Briefly, Wonder thought she had imagined it - the image of his flustered face as Laurie asked his question.
“Yes.”
Her heart pounded, the silly thing hammering away at the thought that one of them was wanted and desired by him. Maybe it wasn’t so wild to think that she could be with him in the same way Oskar and Guinevere were together.
Maybe this was the one universe where it wasn’t so foolish to think they could be together?
He said yes.
But he didn’t give a name and the very question brought him to tears so she didn’t dare to pry further, because it wouldn’t be fair. She could let it go today, and ask at a better time.
There was a chance, so she could be a little reckless, right? Let herself hope that maybe-
It was her fault. What point was there in imagining him feeling the same when she had a hand in bringing him to tears? If she hadn’t asked the question, or asked someone else, or asked the question differently-
This was her fault.
Did you know it would hurt this much?
A kiss.
It was fine.
Wonder felt the smile tugging at her lips despite the stinging in her eyes, a carefully crafted expression of joy because Rolo was her friend. She was meant to be happy for her friends and their growing romances.
Hadn’t she told herself it would be fine? That she could easily let it go?
Wonder was a good friend - she would be a good friend.
Her heart may be breaking but she could still offer him advice with a smile. She just needed a moment to herself, to deal with her crush not working out. Wonder would be happy for him, she was happy for him. She would be.
“Talk it out, it’ll be fine.” Would he hate her if he knew she was terrible at listening to her own advice? Would his opinion change if he knew how she was feeling right now? Would he be disgusted for how selfish she was?
“I'm not Oskar or some perfect man.”
Wasn’t it enough that he was Rolo and Wonder thought that ‘just Rolo’ was enough to make her world turn upside-down? That sometimes she felt like he was a forest in the rain, or a meadow in the midday sun? Had she thrusted on him some role he never asked for and he obliged because he thought that she wouldn’t want to talk to him otherwise?
Was anything they’ve ever done true?
Her mouth felt dry, her chest tight and she barely managed to hold back her tears as she apologised, a wafer-thin expression of contrite joy because she made him wear a mask.
He wasn’t meant to be hers and she had made him feel like he wasn’t good enough. As if the Rolo she knew was somehow inferior or maybe it was the Rolo she didn’t know?
Wonder uttered her final apology and ran.
It was easier to run.
Do you think anything will change?
She said it. Or maybe he said it first? In that instant, if anybody asked her anything she’d probably draw a blank.
Rolo loved her.
The man who kept sweeping her off her feet in easy dances and confided with her as the sun fell asleep. He, Rolo, loved Wonder.
It felt just like a dream, the kaleidoscope of butterflies in her stomach all aflutter at the admission, the barest hint of his presence by her side quickly causing her heart to explore in a myriad of emotions, a nervous, hopeful joy that made her want to laugh in a way she never quite had before, the smile on her face quickly growing as he wraps his hands in hers and it’s no longer just a fantasy.
Wonder knew his hands were green and calloused and that he was taller than her and just as warm. She knew that he looked just as beautiful in dusk as he did in the sunset and that he loved her.
And she wasn’t going to tell him just yet but he was her favourite colour.